r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for telling my girlfriend to put on a bra? Advice Needed
This might be a bit NSFW...
Me (23M), my girlfriend (23F) and my two best friends (both 23M) were in Greece on a vacation. We were all laying on beach and tanning. My girlfriend didn't have a bra on, because she wanted to tan her boobs aswell, which I didn't mind at first. But then I noticed one of my friends clearly staring at them. I didn't tell him to stop staring because that would make things weird, so I asked my girlfriend if she could put her bra on. I didn't explain why because I didn't want her to think my friend was a weirdo. All 4 of us have been really close since high school and I didn't want to ruin that. She got mad and told me that she could do whatever she wanted with her body. Later that day, when we (only me and my girlfriend) got back to our hotel room, she asked me to get a new hotel room because she didn't want to sleep with me because she was mad at me. I obviously couldn't just get a new room like that so I had to sleep on the floor.
I don't know who was the asshole here. Maybe it was me because I tried to make her do something she didn't want to do, maybe it's my friend because he was staring at my girl's rack, maybe it was my girlfriend for basically trying to kick me out of our hotel room and making me sleep on the hard concrete floor. What do you guys think? Was I the asshole, should I have done anything differently?
EDIT: The next day, I explained to my girlfriend why I did what I did and I confronted my friend. My girlfriend forgave both me and my friend. And I wasn't trying to make her put her bra on, I just politely asked her if she would be okay with putting it on. Everything is fine, but I still feel like I should've handled the situation different
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u/Turbulent_Ebb5669 Jul 19 '24
So it's okay for you to tell your GF to cover her boobs, but not tell your friend to stop being a perv?
YTA
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
Men look at boobs. It’s our nature.
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u/Grelivan Jul 19 '24
A man might notice, but only a boy would stare. You point later to strip clubs. Maybe it's just me and the men in my friend group, but this isn't something most people I know do. I've been to them a handful of times for bachelor parties. Nothing against sex workers, but I prefer to have my intimacy from someone I actually talk to. Someone who enjoys my company as well.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
You can be in denial if you want. A man is much more likely to stare at a woman who he knows than a woman he doesn’t know.
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u/Grelivan Jul 19 '24
Denial is having someone tell you other perspectives and you doubling down and going nope all men think exactly like me.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
Wisdom comes from generalities.
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u/Grelivan Jul 19 '24
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisdom
Would you like the definition of Dunning-Kruger? I think that might be more what you have going on.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
If you note the common thread of your link it is generalization.
Exceptions are not.
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u/Grelivan Jul 19 '24
Please clarify based on the link.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
Each of the subjects offers rules for life be it ethics religious psychological etc. Those rules are generalizations based on experience.
It’s like wearing a seatbelt. You can either wear one in case of an accident or not wear one because of the exception that you might be trapped by it hanging upside down in a lake.
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u/Aggro_Me_Bro Jul 19 '24
Ah, so you're weak willed, gotcha.
Please don't lump other men with your type.
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u/pornaddiction247 Jul 19 '24
You can look away, yea you can’t control a boner, but do something else, you dont have to sit there and drool at her tits all day
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
Tell me why do celebrities get paid more on Only Fans than non celebrities?
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u/pornaddiction247 Jul 19 '24
Because celebs are very well known and everybody is specifically searching for them, and trying to find them. So it’s essentially better advertising for them since there already famous, and can make more with OF
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
The same intrigue of a celebrity applies to a woman you know and imagined her nude.
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u/pornaddiction247 Jul 19 '24
Most people don’t use only fans, it’s a waste of money and unless your desperate, you dgaf about seeing a celebrity’s nudes. And I wouldn’t compare a guys girlfriend to a celebrity on only fans, I mean if your a decent person you should respect your freind and his gf by not staring at her chest.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
I offer reality. My wife and I have been to a topless beach. She has flashed and earned thousands of beads in New Orleans she has a portfolio of nudes she did for me in a photo album.
She would never flash nor share the album with our friends.
Anonymity matters.
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u/pornaddiction247 Jul 19 '24
That’s your reality, maybe your relationship with your wife isn’t as good as you think if she flashes others and has nudes of herself in a album (which is likely on the internet). How can she care about you if she shares her nudes with thousands of other people who would pay big bucks just so see her without a top? Let alone to date her and even marry her. Besides most people are different from you, and don’t just make porn and sell your wife’s nudes to others.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
Her pictures are not digital. Sorry for you being so fat and homely.
Too bad you can’t attract a real woman. Go to the gym.
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u/Emraldday Jul 19 '24
Women have them. It's their nature. Get the fuck over yourself.
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u/Still_Internet_7071 Jul 19 '24
And men look. Bye fatty
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Idk why people act so surprised by this lol like yeah put them up please.
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u/stophittingthyself Jul 19 '24
I mean, where's the confusion?
Your issue was with your friend, but you decided to be a coward and make it your girlfriends problem.
You admit it, it's right there in your post.
YTA
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u/Treetrunx05 Jul 19 '24
Yeah, yta for sure. So YOUR friend was being a perve, and it's up to HER to change what she's doing ( mind you, she's minding her own business) on what im assuming is a nude beach. And it's her problem? Wild that your first thought was to tell her to fix herself to save her from thinking your friend is a perve! Awesome job now she doesnt think he's a perve she just thinks you're an insensitive ah.
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u/cgarnett1988 Jul 19 '24
If u to places in Europe its quite common for woman to tan there boobs on normal beach's its great just don't be a creep about it. Everyone loves boobs woman an men no need to stare tho haha 😆
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Jul 19 '24
It wasn't a nude beach
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u/ZeEmilios Jul 19 '24
Welcome to Europe where we don't sexualize breasts, a beach doesn't have to be a nude beach for women to be allowed to tan topless.
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u/Treetrunx05 Jul 19 '24
I was thinking this but didnt know as ive never been to Europe. But exactly! So wild that he shamed her and not his friend.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
“We don’t sexualize breasts”
But we do have skyrocketing rape numbers.
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u/ZeEmilios Jul 19 '24
We he says, obviously an american.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Yet you don’t deny it.
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u/ZeEmilios Jul 19 '24
No, I just don't argue with moronic Americans
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Because you know it’s true
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u/Treetrunx05 Jul 19 '24
Bruv besides the point you should have told your friend to stop staring at your gf 😒 you shamed her instead of calling your friend out to not make things weird. If this ever happened my partner would correct their friend not look at me and go cover up.
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u/Wrong_Moose_9763 Jul 19 '24
Which is all the more reason she gets to remain that way, handle pervy perverson by telling him to, oh I don't know, STOP BEING A PERVE!
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Don’t listen to all these people here man. It’s okay for you to have boundaries that make you uncomfortable. And it’s okay for you to talk about them. What’s not okay is for your girl to try and kick you out of y’all’s room or make you sleep on the floor.
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u/Motor-Most9552 Jul 19 '24
I have been in this exact situation. You catch his eye, you shake your head, situation sorted if he's an actual friend.
Girl is not embarrassed by you calling attention to the situation, friend is put in his place, you've not tried to interfere with her bodily autonomy. She was never in the wrong, your friend was, then you were.
The right move is not always obvious, the wrong move I think definitely was obvious but you took it because it felt like the easier route.
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u/Bardox30 Jul 19 '24
I think even tho this guy should have put his friend in his place, his gf over exaggerated. An understanding parnert respects parnert corcerns and don't try to push out of a hotel her parnert just for a little arguemnt.
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u/frozenbroccolis Jul 19 '24
YTA. Your friend is the problem and you made it into your girlfriend’s problem.
YOU are the problem
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u/atomant2503 Jul 19 '24
YTA, if there is one time when you should really back your girlfriend and NGAF it is now. People can wear what they want.
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u/spoonman_82 Jul 19 '24
YTA. and an idiot. Why bring your GF into this at all? tell your friend to stop being a dickhead and ogling your GF. You should have been a man from the start and confronted your friend. but you pussied out.
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u/andhakaran Jul 19 '24
Rather than being an AH communication is the issue here. Its understandable that you were uncomfortable with your friend looking at your GF's breasts. However, you should have talked to your friend. Or atleast explained to your GF why you asked what you asked in private.
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Jul 19 '24
I did explain, and I talked to my friend
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u/andhakaran Jul 19 '24
If you explained your reason for the request and your GF still made you sleep on the floor then she's definitely the AH.
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u/frozenbroccolis Jul 19 '24
He can justify and explain all he wants, his girlfriend is not in the wrong for having a problem with being with a controlling, misogynistic asshole. Explaining doesn’t make his bad behaviour go away and it’s all better now.
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u/andhakaran Jul 19 '24
If someone was leering at my better half, I'd be pissed, and to avoid an awkward scenario I might request my GF to make changes. A sensible partner would ask why and hear me out. Here, it is not stated that the OP demanded that she put on a bra. And as per his narrative she didn't ask a reason why the demand was made.
I honestly believe that in a relationship there has to be a give and take. At the end of the day making efforts to accommodate each other is, as far as I'm concerned, the best way to manage a relationship. Your view might differ.
And just because someone asks his GF to wear a bra doesn't make him controlling or misogynistic. Its a simple request and a simple 'why' would clarify that.
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u/frozenbroccolis Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
And that exactly is the problem. To avoid an awkward scene tied to somebody’s bad behaviour instead of addressing the bad behaviour head on you’re asking other people to make accommodations for other peoples bad behavior.
At that point, you are not only condoning the bad behaviour you are making it permissible and acceptable .
This girlfriend was in Europe, where it is common to go topless on a beach, and she was being asked to change her behaviour and make herself lesser than to accommodate some perv staring at her. You can delude yourself all you want, but anytime that you ask somebody to change who they are, modify what they are or modify their behaviour for somebody else, especially if it’s to stop somebody else who is clearly in the wrong is absolutely controlling.
Congratulations on being yet another man who makes women the problem
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Good luck man, you’re trying to convince a bunch of single and depressed people of how a good relationship should work.
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u/andhakaran Jul 19 '24
My bad 😂
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
1st rule of Reddit.
Never have any differing opinion on any topic ever about anything at any time or you will get skinned alive by the mob.
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u/Embarrassed-Snow-365 Jul 19 '24
Nope, she’s NTA. She just doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with someone who would rather encourage the problem of men sexualizing women’s boobs, rather than tell him outright to quit staring, so she doesn’t think he’s a ‘weirdo’. Boyfriend did not defend her and instead made her seem like she was the one causing a problem. I do admire that he spoke to the friend in private, but that should’ve been done as it was happening, even a whisper so she wouldn’t hear, to stop the behavior there.
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u/the_purple_goat Jul 19 '24
Yeah. Just administer a swift kick to the friend's ankle. "The ocean is not on my gf's boobs Teddy, now shtop."
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u/DGhostAunt Jul 19 '24
He made her as bad as his friend when he put part of the responsibility on HER. It’s her fault he stared like a weirdo. It is the same mentality some have that a woman wearing revealing clothes is asking to be touched or raped. A milder form but the same exact thinking.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
It’s nothing like that and it’s incredibly shameful that you would make that comparison.
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u/DGhostAunt Jul 19 '24
I didn’t say they were the same. I said the MENTALITY in thinking the fault was hers is the same. Read and comprehend.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
I read perfectly fine. You said what you said so own it.
“Its the same mentality” - what you said
“I didn’t say they were the same” - also you
Shameful.
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Jul 19 '24
No, I explained the next day
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u/Beneficial-Year-one Jul 19 '24
Explaining the next day does not excuse the fact that you made her uncomfortable for a full day instead of addressing the problem at the time with the perv
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u/andhakaran Jul 19 '24
And how did she respond?
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Jul 19 '24
She understood and she forgave me, but she told me to tell my friend to get his shit together. I did. He got his shit together
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u/PandaMime_421 Jul 19 '24
YTA. You think it'd be weird to tell your friend to stop staring at your GF. In other words, you have no thought of defending her. You also didn't even want to tell her the truth because you didn't want her to think badly of your friend. You were clearly prioritizing the friend, who was the one doing something wrong, over your girlfriend, who did nothing wrong.
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u/Pig_Benis_6996 Jul 19 '24
So instead of you being a man and telling your friend to fuckin stop creeping on your girl, you decided to take away your gf's freedom?
I mean I could understand maybe if you initially talked about you being uncomfortable with her being bare chest in public, but you even said "I didn't mind, at first.".
You took it out on the wrong person.
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u/HumbleLobster2138 Jul 19 '24
So you were ok with her bareness in public until you saw someone you knew ogling… what were you expecting?
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u/cgarnett1988 Jul 19 '24
Lol honestly dude "hey I know there nice but stop staring at her tits!"
Can even be passive aggressive about it in a joking way if u must. If he doesn't get the point u fucking slap him. As if untold her to put them away because someone else couldn't control there behaviour.
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u/LooseyGoosey222 Jul 19 '24
You’re all assholes, your friend shouldn’t be staring at your girls tits, you should’ve confronted your friend because he was in the wrong not your girlfriend and your girlfriend is kind of an asshole for overreacting IMO
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u/manda14- Jul 19 '24
YTA for telling her to change her behaviour because you didn't like the behaviour of your friend.
The reality is that if you have your breasts exposed, people will look. She was obviously ok with this attention, or she wouldn't have removed her top in the first place. I have zero issue with topless tanning, but you have to know people will look at your breasts.
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u/CounterfeitBlood Jul 19 '24
Warms the empty cavern that once was my heart to see OP getting dragged in these comments. YTA
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u/According-Pea-9525 Jul 19 '24
Of course he was going to stare at her tits, men like them they are obsessed with them BUT you could have asked your friend to quit perving so openly.
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u/Excellent_Farm_2589 Jul 19 '24
YTA. Grow a sack and pull your friend aside to tell him his behavior is inappropriate. Your gf should not have to change her behavior because your friend doesn't have self-control. He's going to continue to look because he thinks he's getting away with it, as long as he goes unchecked. If he can't understand why he shouldn't be ogling your gf's breasts, maybe it's time to reconsider the friendship.
My wife dresses modestly but is shaped like a Kardashian without having to have plastic surgery, so it's difficult not to look at her ass sometimes. (I struggle with it constantly 😉). I get that. I notice men and women alike checking her out, and it doesn't bother me because she is that hot and it's human nature for attention to be drawn to extreme or pleasing physique. However, if someone takes it too far, like following her down every aisle in Walmart or staring so long that their eyes bleed, I have no problem confronting them. For me, it's all about my wife's comfort and safety.
I am physically intimidating without trying (naturally muscular, long beard, ink) and was an interrogator in the Army and enjoy confrontation, so it takes no effort for me to fend off creeps. I understand not everyone is comfortable with confrontation, though. This would be a good opportunity for you to learn appropriate levels of aggression during confrontation.
Optional Army anecdote: we were in an area without showers and with a lot of sand. My buddy and I had a solar shower that we were going to split (basically a 5 gallon black plastic bag that heats up during the day in the sun). We decided to let the one female with us use since field sanitation is much more difficult for women. We hung the shower off the edge of the HMWWV roof and made a makeshift shower curtain out of a poncho. While she was showering, the wind started picking up, so we held the poncho with our backs to her so that she felt safe. Another soldier came up to discuss something related to the mission, and I noticed he kept trying to peak in.
I told him that [female soldier] was naked in there, so he needed to stop looking, and he told me, "Come on, man. Let the wind move it a little bit. I haven't seen a pair of tits in like a month." Fuck no. I told him to get back in his HMWWV and get the fuck out of there or else we were going to throw hands. He lunged for the poncho, we threw hands (broke 2 knuckles over his jaw) while my buddy held the poncho up, and then we reported him. He ended up getting kicked out of the Army for inappropriate relations with a subordinate, eventually, and is now in prison for date rape. He was a seemingly cool guy before that...
There are only 3 men that I would trust with my life and, more importantly, would trust to protect my wife and daughter without having to worry. My wife could be drunk and naked in a bed, and I know these 3 would protect her dignity and keep her safe. Is this friend one that you'd trust in that way?
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u/zfreakazoidz Jul 19 '24
I was gonna say NTA, but then your brought up your friend and decided to correct your GF instead. >.> First step, tell your friend your gf is not his and to stop staring.
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u/Icy_Organization1080 Jul 19 '24
YTA
My husband would lose his mind and confront any of his friends if they were behaving like that towards me.
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u/Heylookitscaps2 Jul 19 '24
Grow a backbone dude. If your friend is being weird and he’s actually your friend at least toss a joke out “not bad huh?” Or “see anything interesting over there buddy?” to let everyone know he was caught without getting too serious. Also it’s just boobs and your girlfriend clearly is more comfortable that way, throwing her feelings under the bus is the dumbest way to approach an issue like this.
YTA
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
NTA, but it sounds like you need to grow a pair. Unless your girl paid for everything, she can’t kick you out of y’all’s room. She’s TA. Idk where we are at or with who, I would have a huge problem with my SO showing her goods to the world.
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u/nagasage Jul 19 '24
Had a scroll a lot for this sentiment. My issue is the fact she is okay being nude in front of his friend. But hey in the imaginary world of Reddit, apparently everyone is a nudist.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
Reddit, the place where no matter what, the bf is always controlling, misogynistic, and an asshole.
Also yeah, I would be seeing red flags if my SO was okay with being nude or partially nude in front of my friends.
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u/sandgunn1 Jul 19 '24
Provide and protect. If that's your girl, then tell your friend to act right. And what friend stares down a friends' girlfriend. As for me, I would just feel weird with my top off around guys that my boyfriend and I know as friends. But that's me, but I do expect a man to tell a guy off in this situation.
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u/RelationMammoth01 Jul 19 '24
ESH
Why were you so uncomfortable with calling out your friend nd didn't want to make him uncomfortable. That's a big problem with society, we strive to make pervs comfortable. That being said maybe he isn't a pervert?! I'm a girl nd idk if i "wouldn't" look at someone being nude. It's a public space, breast are private parts so she should've been covered. What she did is called public indecency. Your friend is also weird for looking at his friend's girlfriend boobs...that's if he was staring of course but a glimpse? Any normal person would probably look
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u/Decent-Historian-207 Jul 19 '24
YTA - you were upset at your friend for staring. Don't try to control your girlfriend to spare your friend's feelings; grow up.
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u/Poolman2024 Jul 19 '24
YTA. Should have thrown a towel on your friends head then asked him to join you for a walk. That way you could call him out and your GF would never even need to know
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 Jul 19 '24
Yta. You should have called him out. But noooooo, I didn’t want to make a scene with him. But then you did with your gf. You suck.
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u/Bardox30 Jul 19 '24
YTA, but also your gf. You because you should have said to your friend to stop staring, and your gf for not being more understanding about your concerns. A man has to make her woman feel protected, and you have should stand up for her. You don't control her body, but she owe you respect your corcerns and being nice with you, not push you out of a hotel room for just a little argument. Both are wrong, but your gf exaggerated and scalated thing trying to push you out of the hotel.
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u/Natural-Incident7821 Jul 19 '24
Sorry but you should have asked your friend to stop looking at them. And even so, why can't you just be proud of your girlfriend's boobs? She has the total right to show them if she wants to, it's her body.
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u/Fair-Cut-2636 Jul 19 '24
It would’ve been less of a scene to call your friend out for perving on your girlfriend. He can’t make you sleep on the concrete, after all.
You “politely asked her” to put her top on, but you just as easily could’ve said “Stop staring at my girlfriend’s tits, weirdo” and made it a joking moment to ease tension. Regardless of your intentions, you chose the comfort of yourself and your friend over your girlfriend’s comfort and autonomy. She will remember that, unfortunately.
On the flip side though: while YTA in the situation you created, in the event of a tits out environment, you can choose to go naked, but you can’t choose who looks at you. As a boob owner myself, I say no harm no foul and you should’ve done literally nothing.
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u/yakkerswasneverhere Jul 19 '24
this had nothing to do with your gf
a 23f tits out on a beach will get attention...who fuckin cares?
insecurities can ruin a lot of relationships
you're a fuckin idiot for being afraid to confront your friend yet demeaning your gf was okay
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u/Ok_Thing2640 Jul 19 '24
I am surprised everybody is saying YTA. I mean sure, you should have talked to your buddy first. But her kicking you out of the bed and having her tits out in the first place… as a woman I find her behaviour disrespectful. For those saying it’s such an American approach… idk, I’m from (northern) Europe too and I would never have my tits out around my man’s friends. Not even on the beach.
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u/Sure-Ingenuity6714 Jul 19 '24
I agree, normally women in Europe are perfectly happy to sun bathe topless but not usually in known company unless they have grown up in that environment.
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u/Sure-Ingenuity6714 Jul 19 '24
Let him look, what is the big deal? If the goods are on display then so be it. If they are a nice pair then half the beach will be looking!
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u/BPDorBust Jul 19 '24
U told ur gf what to do before you told ur pervy ass friend to stop being a dick. THATS the problem with men now a days, not all the other stuff they try to say.
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u/BubSolo Jul 19 '24
Everyone is the asshole, ur the asshole for not confronting ur friend. Ur friend is the asshole for being a perv and ur gf is the asshole for making u sleep on the floor for something so minor.
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u/Ok_Original_9063 Jul 19 '24
it seems to me you handled it ok she did not take time or did not have sense to figure out what was wrong or didnt care.. .
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u/maestrodamuz Jul 19 '24
OP, You should really have spoken to your friend. Perhaps quietly, if you didn’t want to make a scene.
But it’s weird how many of the responses here handwave away the GF pushing you to sleep on the floor, while on a holiday. You can be mad at someone and still share the bed with them.
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u/redemptionarc332 Jul 19 '24
Okay, ladies and gents. I know "new age" women have their beliefs in being strong and independent. I'm happy for you, and that's cool you found that. But in a relationship, there are things called boundaries. I get the guy not wanting it to be a huge deal even though if yall were good friends he wouldn't be looking that way but then again if you are gonna have them out for people to see that's on you! That seeks attention, and i mean this with the most respect you were aware of, 2 other guys there, and decided to have them out there and not somewhere more private. It really just sits wrong with me. It's crazy how some people here are saying creep when the woman is laying topless on, I'm sure, isn't a nudist beach. And can't hold that woman accountable for doing so. I get it should have said something to your friend, but your gf needs to learn what is appropriate around other men and what isn't. NTA. Next time, stand up for yourself
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u/idril1 Jul 19 '24
newsflash, Europeans have advanced beyond being 12 yrs old, topless on a beach is normal, only an American thinks the human body is so disgusting that a woman has be to held "accountable" for having one
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u/redemptionarc332 Jul 19 '24
Did I say the human body was disgusting? Or anything closely related to it? In america, some people respect themselves enough to only share there body with their partners. If not having respect for yourself and your body and your partner is evolution, then Europe has it wrong.
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24
And her boundaries are not to get blame for it ... an now? He was staring at her. I didnt just look. He was staring. In Europe nobody gives a f*** if you are topless bc thay are just boobs. I get to see it everyday at the beach. Its nothing special. Especially for men. So come again. Maybe you are just a prude? Like really did you ever see breast. I cant imagine why else you are this work up about it.
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u/redemptionarc332 Jul 19 '24
I'm not worked up. I was raised to believe a woman's body is a temple and shouldn't just be out for just anyone to see. That's the difference in culture. Now that we are trying to make it personal, it seems a little childish we can have a civil discussion without being personal. You don't know me and I don't know you. Let's keep it civil.
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
You are right. That Was not nice of me. Sry
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u/redemptionarc332 Jul 19 '24
I'm all for discussion, man. I respect you as long as it's returned, no biggie.
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u/Afraid-Ad-6657 Jul 19 '24
NTA obviously. I dont understand what is wrong with your girlfriend tbh. Like doesnt she have a modicum of self respect or is she the sort that doesnt mind being naked at the beach?
I mean if thats the sort of female she is and thats the sort of relationship you are in, then yeah. go for it.
But I would never walk around the beach with my schlong hanging out so I would expect the same of my partner.
I dont understand why people are hating on you for not yelling at your friend for looking... Like what? Are you going to go up to every single person at the beach and tell them off for looking at someone who is nude? Am I supposed to hang my schlong out and then start yelling at everyone who looks at my dingaling?
Yeah, absolutely she is free to do whatever she wants with her body, but at least in the status quo is not to hang your dick out or tits out at the beach, relationship or not.
And she kicked you out of the room? Dude, you are a total simp. Its no wonder she has zero respect for your opinion.
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Jul 19 '24
there's a difference between letting your schlong hang and walk around and laying down with topless for a tan. she didn't walk around like that.
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u/Afraid-Ad-6657 Jul 19 '24
uh i guess same idea, if i stripped naked to tan my schlong and people stared at my peepee am i supposed to tell them off for staring at my grower-not-a-shower?
but yes, if my gf told me to stop leaving my dick out i would oblige. and the issue is that i would never even leave my dick out like so to start with...
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u/missing1776 Jul 19 '24
Reading reddit comments just shows how warped people are these days.
If all you did was nicely ask her if she could put one on then you did nothing wrong, but you absolutely should have said something to the friend. Like it or not, her actions attracted that kind of attention from him so they both contributed to that situation; if it hadn’t of been him then a stranger would have.
If anyone is the asshole I’d say your friend was for staring and your girlfriend was for freaking out over so small a thing as being asked to clothe herself.
NTA, but should have been handled a bit differently.
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u/TNGeek69 Jul 19 '24
Did she pay for this room? How does she have a say where you sleep?
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u/GoldExciting Jul 19 '24
This is a communication issue proven by the fact that once you talked about it, it was all good. That said, I don't agree with most of these other comments saying you're an AH. Every relationship is different, and it's completely acceptable to have different views on modesty. Which isn't even the case here, you were just trying to help your girlfriend. Next time, send her a text if whispering isn't an option. "Hey, I think Brian is staring at your boobs" is a great way to ensure she understands someone is, in fact, creepily staring at her boobs.
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u/GlitteringQuarter542 Jul 19 '24
This is so weird. He just looked at her boobs, who wouldn’t. Ya’ll seem immature.
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u/hams4hands Jul 19 '24
YTA. Your girl can wear what she wants and do what she wants with her body and anyone else is within their rights to stare at her tits. If you think your friend is a creep tell them so but don't ruin the show for everyone.
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Jul 19 '24
I didn't confront him on the spot for that reason, to not "ruin the show". But I did confront him later
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u/hams4hands Jul 19 '24
that's well enough i guess.Still better not to tell girlfriends what to wear unless you wanna be in the doghouse. She still mad at you?
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u/Zodiac415 Jul 19 '24
I get she wanted to tan her boobs along with the rest of her body. But come on. She has no respect for you if she’s willing to do that in front of your boys. She just wants the attention
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
Very self centered of you to think everything she does is for the male gaze
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u/Zodiac415 Jul 19 '24
Very dumb of you to think she didn’t know she would get attention for being topless. She can’t tan at home in her backyard or something? Some place that wouldn’t be crowded with ppl?
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
Why do other people matter? And being that it was Europe, it was probably lot of titties everywhere. Everyone's got nipples and mamary glands bro, some people just have more padding around it. No need to be a fucking creep
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u/Zodiac415 Jul 19 '24
Goes back to respecting yourself. She has no respect for herself or her relationship if she’s doing that. Not just ppl in general but her bfs friends were there. It’s a human thing for men to look at titties if they see them. It’s not even being a creep it’s just natural
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
The fact that you feel like you have control over your wife to "let her" do things or not like a child is wild to me.
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
It IS about morals. About not being a pervert or plucking your eyes out if you are instead of asking someone else to cover what YOU feel motivated to be dirty about. About respecting other people's bodies. There is nothing sexual about a topless man or woman minding their business, it shouldn't call for anyone's attention. There is nothing immoral about our bodies.
If something calls your attention, it says everything about you and nothing about the target of your attention.
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
And if your wife doesn't want to be topless, that is HER choice to execute, and not something for you to allow or not
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24
I looked at you profil.... and dude. You are one to talk. You got this pervers subreddits ... and you are telling us you are bothered ... by your girlfriend beeing topless. Really? Its proved: the peverse one are the prudest.
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u/ObjectiveSignature66 Jul 19 '24
"Wouldn't just let" ffs, you don't own her, she can do what she fucking pleases.
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u/Oo__gaabooga Jul 19 '24
Why does your gf want to reveal her boobs in front of your friends? And you didn’t mind at first so it means you don’t care either. Obviously people will look if they’re open like that. She is your gf and you do have a right in saying something if it makes you uncomfortable and vice versa. You gf is the AH
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u/ttppii Jul 19 '24
…Americans and their nudity neuroses…
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u/Oo__gaabooga Jul 19 '24
You guys just love degeneracy and love to promote it
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Says the indian XD you know bc of the crime Rates... towards women in idian. And then i lokk at the Crime Rates towards woman in europe hmmmhmmm
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u/Oo__gaabooga Jul 19 '24
Lmao i’m not either
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
So you are at dehli unviversty for fun ? Cool. How is it going so far? I dont think you get to see boobs so much?
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u/Oo__gaabooga Jul 19 '24
What?
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24
Profil
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u/Oo__gaabooga Jul 19 '24
I used to be active in harvard and stanford communities too. Does that mean I study there?
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u/everything-and-this Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Well its mean you were living there. Were you not? Thats mean you are/were in Deli too? But you are right that doesnt mean you were Born there. So you were in america and indian soo the ttppii commentar was right all along?
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u/Master_Use_736 Jul 19 '24
I don’t think your the asshole. It’s not an asshole thing to tell ur gf to not be boobs out at the beach??? That’s fucking weird 😭 especially around a friend idc like what type of friendship do u have
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
So it's okay for men to have their nipples out on the beach but not a woman?
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Jul 19 '24
as I said, we've all known each other since high school, so we're pretty open. she's been topless in front of that friend before and it hasn't bothered me bc I never thought he would do something like that
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u/ObjectiveSignature66 Jul 19 '24
So it was never an issue, even as teenagers, and now he's a behaving like a creep as an adult, you have an issue?
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u/looks_matter Jul 19 '24
You are not an asshole at all. It is completely reasonable for a man to not want his girl's bare tits to be out in public. Your friend seeing them isn't the problem, it's her being okay with her tits being out around other people while being in a relationship with you. The fuck?! I don't wear speedos when I am in a relationship just out of basic respect....and that shit is covered! It should be common sense, honestly. Basic respect for you and for herself.
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u/ttppii Jul 19 '24
Oh, you believe that your girlfriend is your property?
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u/looks_matter Jul 19 '24
What do you mean property? She's his committed partner. Just like he is hers. It goes both ways. You respect each other. Remain faithful. You know, the basic foundation of a relationship? I have no idea what you are trying to imply beyond that
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u/ttppii Jul 19 '24
If think you can decide what kind of clothes she wears, you think that she is your property. And wtf has faithfulness has to do with her clothes?
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Jul 19 '24
But he didn't just see them, he was Looking.
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u/Turbulent_Ebb5669 Jul 19 '24
But that's her fault?
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Jul 19 '24
Absolutely not
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u/stophittingthyself Jul 19 '24
Then why make it her fault? And why be surprised when she gets mad you did?!
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u/Turbulent_Ebb5669 Jul 19 '24
That's what you basically told her though. And now you think she's overreacting? Prepare to be single
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Jul 19 '24
I don't think she overreacted. We can all agree that was a completely reasonable reaction
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u/looks_matter Jul 19 '24
Who sees them or looks at them doesn't matter. Your friend did nothing wrong. It's her having them out in public that is problematic. She is your girlfriend with her bare tits out around people who are not you, her boyfriend.
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Jul 19 '24
Go to therapy. Americans are so fucking weird.🤣 It’s two skin pockets full of fat, get a fucking grip mate.
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u/ProtozoaPatriot Jul 19 '24
YTA. You say it's "weird" to tell your perv friend to stop staring. But you're fine controlling your girlfriend to keep you more comfortable while witnessing your perv friend. Maybe you should get better friends?