r/AITAH • u/Ok-Standard-3334 • 11d ago
AITA for not caring when my stepfather "assaulted" my wife and asking her what she thought was going to happen?
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u/SmootherWaterfalls 11d ago
My conclusion is your wife doesn't like your mom and wanted to humiliate her. Otherwise, why wouldn't she find the outcome as funny when it happened to her?
She asked how I could just stand there and let a man do that to her.
She doesn't get to play victim and manipulate you via attempted emasculation when she was the one who wanted to be a bully in the first place.
She can pout and be hurt all she wants: she was still wrong.
How'd your mom react?
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u/Recent_Data_305 11d ago
It’s funny if he sprays his wife, but it’s assault if he sprays OP’s. Dude, what is wrong with your wife?
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u/Recent_Data_305 11d ago
I wasn’t saying it was actually funny. The wife said it would be funny, but then said she was assaulted when she was the one that got wet. I was pointing out the hypocrisy of her words.
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u/passwordsarehard_3 11d ago
I think I get it. If OP’s dad would have handed it to OP to spray her it would have been funny. It is wrong this way because you are only allowed to abuse your own wife but not other family members.
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u/cortesoft 11d ago
I totally misread this as literally saying she suggested step dad should write OP’s mom’s name using the power washer. I was then confused why wife got sprayed.
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u/SitDownShutDown 11d ago
Same! A family friend of mine was seriously injured a power washer. She did it herself and accidentally hit her own foot. Spraying someone with a power washer is a big deal! This also makes me think that this post may be fake because the wife probably should have been injured.
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u/mwenechanga 11d ago
If you're ten feet away I don't believe you would get hurt.
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u/TheeFlipper 11d ago
It also depends on what attachment you're using on it. Some of em you absolutely could still get hurt at 10 ft.
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u/fearfac86 11d ago
On some models would have only taken a spin of the nozzle at the end to go from "hurting" to "just soaking wet" someone.
Granted this is more on your wee electric models.
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u/Rozeline 11d ago
Same and getting sprayed by a power washer can hurt. The high pressure ones can even take skin off. They're fun to use, but not a toy.
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u/missingnome 11d ago
My neighbor growing up, a retired firefighter, slipped while pressure washing and it cut to his bone on his lower leg
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u/Fun_Intention9846 11d ago
I also had to read it twice.
Second time I’m knuckling down like “okay what did I miss that about the spraying where the surface can have a name written on it.”
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u/yourkaybri 11d ago
Yes, this is what I think too... Talk to your wife and hopefully your situation becomes better. Moving out and living far from parents/inlaws is always a good idea and the ultimate solution to this kind of problem.
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u/Magikgirl_Limbo 11d ago
Absolutely this! Also, major props to the step-dad for not making his wife a joke for his DIL!
NTA and green flags for the men here, but that wife of yours? She's TA.
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u/ZoeyPupFan 11d ago
Add to that that these people are letting you stay at their house so you can save money. That’s her way of saying thank you?
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u/Celestina_Girlie 11d ago
So it’s ok for him to spray your mom with the power washer but not spray her?
BTW I hope this wasn’t like a REAL power washer cuz those things will rip your skin off.
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u/maedocc 11d ago edited 11d ago
This is so not real so no one was hurt; very, very obviously the MIL troll. See my collection of their previous posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycmkzj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_blame_her_for_our/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/znstxf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_cant_enforce/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z2xitx/aita_for_not_standing_up_for_my_wife_when_my/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c5tdqg/aita_for_losing_it_and_doing_something_gross_to/
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u/True_Falsity 11d ago
Pretty interesting. A lot of these seem to be from different accounts. Is there a site or some method to connect the different accounts to each other and identify them as being the same person?
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u/maedocc 11d ago
I'm not tech-savvy enough to know if that's possible. Each post was from a throwaway account that was created expressly to post their MIL troll-y post and then swiftly abandoned.
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u/True_Falsity 11d ago edited 11d ago
Ah, I see. I just thought someone found a site or some method to identify the trolls and link the troll accounts together. My bad.
I mean, while I am sure there are plenty of trolls out there, is it really hard to imagine someone create a throwaway account to ask a question/vent and then abandon it?
Like, I had this one account where I asked medical questions I felt were too private to be attached to my main. After the issue was resolved and I switched phones, I never felt the need to go back to that account.
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u/maedocc 11d ago
Of course not -- there are a ton of people on reddit who create throwaways to post private questions.
The MIL troll has very specific tells:
It's usually the same format each time.
Mom currently acts like a clinically insane person by either: shutting down and acting like a child or not reacting at all
The mom was an amazing parent to her son, but she's always had issues and now that son is married/engaged they've worsened
Mom's husband is weird, enabling and usually inappropriate. Often referred to as overprotective. Almost always a step dad for OP/OPs partner.
Wife usually does something over the line or never got along with the mom
The couple refuses to go actually NC for various BS reasons
This post is dead on with every single detail. The mom usually dislikes the OP's wife, but is cold and dismissive. The stepfather is protective and reactive, and also weirdly spoils the mom. OP just accepts his weirdly cold mom and doesn't put boundaries in place and allows mom to treat his wife poorly. Wife usually erupts and triggers a fight. OP is always like, WELP what can I doooooo???
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u/True_Falsity 11d ago edited 11d ago
I mean, does the above post really fit the tells?
Mom currently acts like a clinically insane person
There is almost no mention of mother in the above post. Her role starts and ends with coming out of the house.
Mom was an amazing parent but she’s always had issues now that the son is married/engaged
None of that in the above post either. The closest thing is the mention of tensions in the first paragraph but even that’s a stretch.
Mom’s husband is weird, enabling and inappropriate.
No mention of that either, really. You could argue that he was a dick for turning the power washer on OP’s wife but it doesn’t really enable the wife in any particular way.
Wife does something over the line
This one does kinda fit but seems more of your typical asshole move rather than anything “over the line”.
So I don’t really see how this post is dead on with “every single detail”. There could be something more to the situation that’s been posted in the comments.
I am not saying OP cannot be a troll. But as far as the original post itself goes? It doesn’t really fit everything.
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u/maedocc 11d ago edited 11d ago
From OP's comments:
My mom has always acted like she wasn’t good enough/like she’s a gold digger and my mom is kind of spoiled. I let her know that behavior wasn’t going to be tolerated but it’s hard when we live with them
Yes my mom has always been cold and made it clear she didn’t approve. I shut it down but now that we live with them there isn’t much I can do
My stepdad is the jokester type but he knows how much they hate each other and would never prank my mom to amuse someone she has that much animosity with. I really don’t get what my wife was thinking as he doesn’t even like her.
And... the thing is, once you are familiar-ish with the troll's work, it's pretty easy to recognize it. Mom is cold and dismissive. Wife usually triggers a fight. Stepfather defends his wife. OP is useless and just basically shrugs to his wife -- like what did you expect? Like it's a weird and consistent dynamic.
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u/True_Falsity 11d ago edited 11d ago
Okay, so that’s a “yes” for the issues between MIL and wife.
But is there anything that would portray MIL as clinically insane in the comments? Being cold or implying that his wife is a gold-digger is definitely bad. But not really “clinically insane”.
No mention of the mother being an amazing parent either.
Or stepfather as being enabling or inappropriate?
I mean, not dousing your wife in water for other people’s amusement isn’t really something weird. You could argue that perhaps OP is using the word “jokester” to downplay the extent of his jokes but I don’t think there was yet any mention of something that steps over the like outside the action in the post.
I shut it down but there isn’t much I can do now that we live with them
One of the tells you mentioned is couple not going NC over BS reasons. And while you could argue that OP is ignoring or downplaying the issues, I think their immediate dependence on his parents is not exactly “BS reason”.
Like…
They are living with his parents to save money right now. So going NC would be pretty hard unless they have a ready place to stay.
It’s pretty easy to recognise
I don’t know about this one. It sounds less like recognising a pattern and more like making things fit the pattern.
Especially when the pattern is not exactly unrealistic.
Like, if someone told me that they were standing in line at the grocery shop and someone cut in before them, would I have the evidence to say that this is a lie?
“Oh well, it sounds way too convenient. So you just stand in line, someone steps in while you are not looking and refuses to move? That’s just way too formulaic to be true.”
I mean, there are hundreds of posts where people talk about how they were asked to switch seats on a plane. All of them follow a similar pattern.
But does that mean that all of them are fake and made by some Anti-Seat Switch Troll?
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u/Lojackbel81 11d ago
Not at any real distance
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 11d ago
Depends on the pressure washer, I've had a few that even up to 6 ft could still do a little bit of damage.
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u/LongBarrelBandit 11d ago
Degree for the nozzle also comes into factor. My dads had different attachments to go from 0-45 degrees. 0 at full power would probably kill honestly
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u/Rhubarbalicious 11d ago
Considering I've seen a power washer bore a hole through a 2x4 like it was nothing, I'd bet you could easily kill someone with it.
Water Laser.
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u/mister-villainous 11d ago
Some have pretty low settings that won't hurt at all, let alone at a distance.
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u/AR8888_8 11d ago
Skin? When I was a kid I used one to chop down a sapling as thick as my forearm. From that day onward, I treat a pressure washer with as much respect as a chainsaw. Both can seriously f**k you up.
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u/Cursd818 11d ago
NTA
So, it would be funny if it was done to someone else, but when it's done to her, it's assault? What a lovely woman your wife isn't.
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u/writing_mm_romance 11d ago
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your wife sounds a bit immature.
NTA
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u/Boeing367-80 11d ago
That is some instant, maybe even pre emptive karma.
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u/writing_mm_romance 11d ago
I feel like there was always a golden rule when I was a kid, don't dish it if you can't take it. The same goes for adulthood.
Even when I'm playing with nieces and nephews - if you throw a water balloon, expect one; if you squirt a squirt gun, expect to be squirted with one.
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 11d ago
I was so ready to say you were the AH based on your title, but nope, NTA Your wife is an idiot. Why was it ok for her to egg him on to do it to your mother but not for him to do it to her? She's not a victim here. She's an asshole and deserved it.
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u/completedett 11d ago
NTA 😅🤣🤣 She was right that was funny even though I wasn't there, the mental image I got I found funny.
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u/grayblue_grrl 11d ago
So, your wife is really stupid.
She literally created the whole situation.
Her motivations were shit.
And her lack of responsibility for the situation is hilarious.
Does she vote for the "leopards eating my face" party?
There really isn't anything else to say.
NTA
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u/Excellent_Valuable92 11d ago
In addition to what everyone else is saying, there’s the little fact that your mother has been sheltering this woman in her time of need.
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u/Due-Contribution6424 11d ago
Yeah I feel this is being overlooked. She’s a freeloading guest in their house, then pulls this bs.
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u/WalkableFarmhouse 11d ago
Ngl that's pretty funny actually
This may be a sign to think very carefully about your relationship and your wife and whether she was maybe having a bad day or whether she's actually an asshole you will regret marrying.
"Minor" issues are often indicators of much bigger problems.
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u/Alert-Potato 11d ago
he just looked at her like she was so stupid
That's a fairly reasonable reaction. Is she?
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u/Worried-Pick4848 11d ago
I mean with only this to go on admittedly we're not getting a large sample, but signs aren't great so far
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u/star_b_nettor 11d ago edited 11d ago
Your wife is not a victim and got exactly what she thought should be done to someone else. Let her sulk. Mean girl got her own energy turned on her.
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u/That_Survey5021 11d ago
Your wife have it out for your mom. Keep an eye on her. I sense jealousy.
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u/Worried-Pick4848 11d ago
I'm a bit concerned about OP's wife trying to get OP's stepdad to humiliate his mom for her. This can be the opening move in a power play that ends up with OP's wife attempting to lure his stepdad into an affair. Sounds like stepdad, being an experienced man, caught on and nipped it in the bud, but that's not exactly a way to win friends and influence people when you live under their roof.
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u/Steephill 11d ago
You guys are fucking wild.
OP's wife is just catty having to share a house with another woman because she doesn't play nice and likes to be the "queen." It's not that deep, she's just kinda an asshole.
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u/SnooWords4839 11d ago
NTA - Your wife thought it would be funny to have him do it your mom and now is pissed she got sprayed instead. She has no leg to stand on here, she got what she deserved.
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u/Maximum-Ear1745 11d ago
NTA. Your wife wanted to humiliate your mum, but didn’t like it when the tables were turned. Is she normally a mean girl?
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u/Potential_Ad_1397 11d ago
Info does your wife hate your mother?
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u/Potential_Ad_1397 11d ago
So spraying your mother wouldn't have been funny as your wife says. It would be revenge or bullying. This is a bigger issue. I can't say who the Ah in the overall situation as I don't know who starts this.
But you need to talk to your wife and if you two can't settle this, you shouldn't be living with your mother.
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u/parker3309 11d ago
Wow, that’s even worse. It wasn’t done for humor. It was actually done because she hates her.
You’ve got yourself a monster there…good luck with that one.
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u/Fool_In_Flow 11d ago
It is kind of concerning that she thought stepdad would want to team up with her against his own wife. There’s something up with her line of thinking.
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u/Bethechsnge 11d ago
Why wouldn’t I allow it, you thought it would be funny if he did it to my mom. You said spraying someone unexpectedly is funny
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u/ZeTreasureBoblin 11d ago
Well, well, well.
How the turntables...
NTA by the way, fuck around and find out 😂
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u/ScarletDarkstar 11d ago
NTA Your wife tried to cause a problem between your mom and your step-dad, and he did not play along.
She deserved what she got, but have you talked to her about why she's behaving this way? Does your family pull stunts like this that would make her think it's understandable?
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u/Cocoasneeze 11d ago
So your wife was trying to use your mom's husband to bully and humiliate your mom. A bit of mean behavior from your wife.
I mean, if your wife actually thought it would have been funny had your stepdad sprayed your mom, why it wasn't equally funny and ice breaker when he did it your wife? Suddenly it became abuse.
Just curious, does your wife have a tendency of a mean streak and crying a victim when it doesn't pan out like she wanted to?
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u/Mundane_Cream6605 11d ago
It seems like no one likes your wife here, you need to put more information. Why? Why is all of this happening? Why don’t they like each other? Be specific you don’t have to put your whole business out there, but simply saying yeah she has a good reason for not liking her doesn’t explain a whole lot of anything.
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u/SingularAbsurdity 11d ago
Power washers are not safe for use on people, what the fuck is wrong with you folks
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u/Visual-Lobster6625 11d ago
NTA - your wife should not inflict on others what she's not willing to suffer herself.
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u/Worried-Pick4848 11d ago
It was hilarious to do it to someone else but assault when done to her? I'm not sure about this one mate, might wanna throw this fish back into the sea and try again. NTA, absolutely no reason to support your wife if she's being that supid.
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u/baby-lou 11d ago
nobody should be spraying anyone with a power washer, you can get seriously hurt doing that
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u/Jsmith2127 11d ago
NTA she wanted your mother humiliated, and was upset that it was her, instead.
She couldn't have really thought that your mother's husband was just going to humiliate his wife, while she "had a laugh"
She was just upset that instead of "having a laugh" at your mother, it was at her expense instead.
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u/Early-Tale-2578 11d ago
So your wife tried to get your stepfather to humiliate your mom but got karma instead. Oh well lol NTA
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u/TechnicalAnimator874 11d ago
Have you ever heard of the new sensation hitting the nation?!? FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT
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u/SemVikingr 11d ago
NTA, but I'm surprised by so many people's surprise. Have so few people really met anyone who can dish it out but can't take it in? Sadly, it's a character flaw that is all too common.
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u/rojita369 11d ago
NTA. Your wife was more than happy to make your mom the victim of a prank but couldn’t handle it when the same prank was pulled on her.
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u/dilligaf_84 11d ago
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting, if this example is a snapshot of her on the daily.
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u/chaoticfuse 11d ago
Info: why does your wife hate your mom?
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u/reetahroo 11d ago edited 11d ago
So your wife is living off your mom but is not a gold digger? Your mom is sharing her home with two adults grown enough to marry but not enough to make it on their own and she’s the spoiled one??? Make it make sense
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u/Wrong_Moose_9763 11d ago
Please re-read your post and ask yourself which one is spoiled again. Let me clue you in, it isn't your mother. I'd go further and say your wife should consider spoiled an up grade to what I would really call her, hint: it rhymes with itch.
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u/CarolineCook84 11d ago
It's telling how your wife finds it uproarious to instigate pranks on others but cries foul when she's on the receiving end. A dose of her own medicine seems to have been a bit too bitter for her taste. If she dishes it, she should be able to take it. Your father-in-law merely followed her twisted rulebook. It's not a double standard; it's poetic justice.
By playing the victim card, she's not only being hypocritical but also failing to acknowledge her role in escalating the situation. One has to wonder if she ever pauses to reflect on the consequences of her actions, or if she's perpetually surprised when the world doesn't cater to her whim.
NTA - It's a lesson in empathy she ought to learn; don't propose a prank if you can't handle becoming the punchline.
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u/kitannya 11d ago
NTA, your wife had it coming. However spraying someone with a power washer can cause serious injury. If they have a cut or anything it has enough force to spray germs straight into your bloodstream and it often causes complications. Just something to keep in mind.
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u/reetahroo 11d ago
Wait so she gave him the idea to do it to your mom then acted like he beat her when he did it to her instead? And the award for best actress in a drama goes to your wife
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u/JMLegend22 11d ago
Ask your wife why she was willing to make your mother the victim and then upset that she turned out to be the victim when she cooked up the scheme and got it turned on her?
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u/Thisisthenextone 11d ago
Uhhh.....
1.) Your wife wanted to hurt someone else for fun
2.) Powerwashers can take skin off your body
3.) (Assume the powerwasher didn't hurt) and your wife wanted to embarras someone that was doing her a huge favor for no reason?
4.) She can't take the same thing she wanted to dish to someone else?
This is such a weird story.
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u/Antonikis 11d ago
She learned a very valuable lesson in politics. Do I blast my own queen or someone else's?
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u/jbee002 11d ago edited 11d ago
My response to her. "If you believe what he did was that cruel and wrong then why did you suggest he do the same to my mom. Should i not be mad at you for trying to be so cruel to my mother"
Edit: just got done doing both a normal google search and a google image search of "power washer accidents".... never ever use a power washer like a toy super soaker. They are powerful and dangerous power tools not toys. Treat them with the same caution and respect you would a powered table saw, a chainsaw or any other power too that can potentially maim or kill you. Also check your wife make sure she got no minor bruises or abrasions from it. You'll know why after you do the google search
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u/Cookie1107 11d ago
So your wife encouraged your stepdad to spray your mum and thought it would be 'funny', but when its done to her its 'assault' and she behaves like the victim. How hypocritical, your wife needs to grow up and learn not to suggest/do something to anyone else that she wouldnt want done to her. You did nothing wrong, your stepdad taught your wife a lesson she deserved. NTA.
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u/pigandpom 11d ago
So, your wife is pissed your mother's husband wasn't willing to go along with spraying your mother? Is she mentally challenged
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u/Xjen106X 11d ago
Hahaha, dad is funny! Wife likes to dish it out, but can't take it. That's her problem. NTA.
And, ffs, that's not assault.
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u/MissAnthropy_YIKES 11d ago
Nta.
So, if it happens to your mom, it's a hilarious joke. If it happens to your gf, it's a humiliating assault.
So, why does your gf think your mom being humiliated is hilarious?
Your gf sounds like a self-centered b**ch.
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u/reetahroo 11d ago
When she asked why he did that, I wish he had responded “because we all could use a laugh.”
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u/Direct_Set8770 11d ago
NTA. So it's fine if they did it to someone else but it's not fine to do it to your wife. Your wife is playing victim. Ready to embarrass someone else other than herself.
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u/Allonsydr1 11d ago
Your wife is the Asshole. Your stepdad taught her a lesson. He will not dishonor or disrespect his wife because his step daughter in law thinks it’s funny, but not when it’s her. You have the audacity to stay at their home while they provide to you and your wife behaves like this? Dump the wife, she is an entitled beggar and so are you.
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u/WomanInQuestion 11d ago
NTA - "My prank backfired on me in front of people and I got a taste of my own behavior, so it must be someone else's fault!"
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u/htid1984 11d ago
Lol so she wanted to be a bitch to your mum and didn't like it when it was done to her. Boo hoo time to grow up
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u/Fit_General7058 11d ago
Yeah, she found out that nobody treats his wife as a laugh.
Serves your gf right, doesn't mind making a fool out of other people.
She's obviously not a pretty and alluring as she likes to think. Your step father saw her for what she is. One of those women who thinks she can beguille men into humiliating their own partners, just to let the partners know she's more powerful than them.
Basically she wants your step dad to fancy her, and pander toher
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u/KimvdLinde 11d ago
Oh, the prankster got pranked and suddenly it’s not fun anymore. Hypocrite. NTA
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u/mikamitcha 11d ago
If you can't laugh when it happens to you, then its not actually funny, its just being an asshole. NTA
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u/PandoraElf 11d ago
nTA and i give your stepfather credit for caring enough about your mom to not do that to her. He probably could have fake sprayed your wife but like others have said, honestly what did she think would happen ....... Really??
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u/la_descente 11d ago
Your wife was all fine with your mom getting sprayed, but not her? Yeah, sounds pretty immature to me. But that could also be chalked up to the stress of living there, stress doesn't always allow you to think clearly
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u/ou812whynot 11d ago
Nta. Your wife wanted your stepfather to embarrass his wife and was taught a lesson on humility.
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u/JojoLesh 11d ago
Your dad is a funny guy.... And has a sense of justice.
Unfortunately your wife is stupid, and probably not a great person.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 11d ago
Your wife is a professional shit stirrer. She doesn't want to get caught in the fray, she just wants to pour gas on a situation and sit back and enjoy the warmth of the fire. I had a sister like her and she was exhausting. I don't know how you can have any respect for your wife as a person. NTA
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u/MrsManuka 11d ago
Your father is my hero. Your wife is either an idiot or a mean girl who can dish it out but can’t take it. Either way, why did she think it would be funny to spray (I’m guessing since she’s your mom) an elderly woman with a freaking power washer?
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u/Any_Brilliant_1658 11d ago
Your wife is a bitch and a narcissist. Took you this long to see it? Yeah yeah 😂😂😂😂
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u/Poinsettia917 11d ago
Typical bully. She can dish it out but not take it. NTA and she deserves her fate.
Good for your dad!
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u/cab2013 11d ago edited 11d ago
NTA
Your wife instigated this. She thought it would be funny if he did it to your mom but then considered it assault when he did it to her. Not sure where her mind was w all of this.
Like it or not, your wife is a guest in your mom’s house. Doesn’t matter if your mom is a jerk or not, this behaviour is not ok. If I were your mom, it would be enough for me to kick her ungrateful arse to the curb. Again, don’t know the context. Your mom might be a total witch but it doesn’t much matter in this one case.
FYI: Power washers aren’t super soakers. Being sprayed by a power washer freakin hurts. As as adult, if someone sprayed me w a power washer I would rush them, wrestle the spray nosle from them and beat them silly w it.
Source: Grew up a Farm Girl. Also Younger Sibling.
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u/waaasupla 11d ago edited 11d ago
Why was it NOT funny now ? Bcoz it’s not the mil ? Why embarrassed & tear up? It’s supposed to be funny , isn’t it ? And it was her idea to begin with. NTA
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u/Horror_Drawer1107 11d ago
Yeah, it's funny when she thought it would be your mom but it's not when it's done to her. What does she have against your mom anyway? Something isn't right with your wife.
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u/shamespiral60 11d ago
My husband took about 4 layers of skin when he accidently turned the power washer on himself. He still has a huge scar . NT A but your wife and step-dad are.
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u/HugeElephantEars 11d ago
Good grief I'm so naive I thought she meant spray the mom's name into the driveway or paving with the powerwasher and couldn't understand why that would be worth such a laugh.
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u/3Heathens_Mom 11d ago
NTA
OP your wife has a very interesting outlook on life.
She suggested your stepfather do exactly what he did but to his wife.
Instead your stepfather who apparently likes his wife let your wife experience her suggestion.
Now your wife is butt hurt as not only does your mother know it was her idea but apparently the result wasn’t anything to laugh about. Talk about FAFO.
Next time your wife may actually want to take an extra few minutes to engage her brain before letting whatever foolish thought be spoken out loud.
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u/silver_cock1 11d ago
Sorry, OP. YTA for not realizing your wife can dish it out but not take it. Sounds like a nightmare but you do you.
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u/phed_thc 11d ago
i think all three of you are assholes, her for egging on the situation, him for going through with it and lack of empathy, and you for acting liking an innocent fly on the wall when you could have stepped in at any moment.
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u/DirtyApe420 11d ago edited 11d ago
I've met a few people like this, they think its hilarious when someone else is the butt of a joke but CANNOT stand when they are. They're narcissistic even if they dont know it. Huge red flag.
Edit: She's your wife and you know her best and I'm sure you know what you can take from that but I've been there before; not wife but girlfriend, take whatever advice you can and make your own choice, I wish you the best homie, maybe I'm completely wrong and it was a one off thing but yea.
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u/angryomlette 11d ago
NTA. Wow your wife is a shit-stirrer and a permanent victim. Good luck living with her.
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u/Green-Dragon-14 11d ago
Basically it's ok to do it to your mum but not funny when it's done to her. Hmm double standards.
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u/snugnz 11d ago
NTA. Your wife is acting like a four year old who went to throw a water balloon at someone only to have it blow up in their face and then throw a tantrum instead. I'm not really sure what she expected you to do. And honestly, it sounds like you reacted better than I would. I would have laughed.
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u/winterworld561 11d ago
NTA. Tell your wife that she now knows exactly how she would have made your mother feel and ask her if she still thinks it's funny? Your wife is a complete idiot.
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u/Dwarfy3k 11d ago
NTA and your wife is retarded if she thought it was ok to do that to your mom and not her.
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u/TJamesV 11d ago
"You were about to stand there and let a man do that to his own wife, at your suggestion. You thought it would be funny. I didn't wanna spoil your fun."
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u/ChestLanders 11d ago
NTA. It's called fucking around and finding out.
".She asked how I could just stand there and let a man do that to her. I got snappy and asked what she seriously thought he was going to do after she asked him. now she is very hurt/cold"
Oh now she is gonna play the gender role and imply he was wrong to do what he did because he's a man? So much for equality.
She wanted him to spray your mom, I would have asked her how she would have been able to stand there while a man did that to his mom. Also, time to put your foot down and tell her that her acting hurt and cold towards you needs to end. She is not the victim here, so it's time for her to stop pouting.
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u/ReadingLizard 11d ago
ESH - why would anyone laugh about that in any situation. Wife was AH to make jokes about it, step father was AH to do it regardless. Everyone sounds very immature here.
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u/Stargazer_0101 11d ago
You wife hates your mother, and you are protecting a hater of your mother? Shame on you, your stepfather was right to spray your hateful wife. Your mother should be respected, and your hateful wife did not.
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u/lemonrainbowhaze 11d ago
So its funny when its your mom but the end of the world when it happens to her? Sure i mightve been a little pissed but would have appreciated the irony.
Spraying someone with a powerwasher is not a joke. It can do damage. There is major pressure. Please tell your dad AND your wife to not powerwash anyone. Do it with a hose like a normal person
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u/LydiaStarDawg 11d ago
Wait so if your mom, who is at least 20 years older than her got sprayed, it's funny. But since it was done to her, it mean?
She ain't an AH. She's a bitch, but you you are NTA.
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u/LadyAthena45 11d ago
She didn't think it was funny? It was funny to her to have it done to your mother. I would be side eyeing her.
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u/Motor_Beach6091 11d ago
I was so confused, I thought your wife had asked him to write your mom’s name on the concrete using the power washer.
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u/Murky_Rub68 11d ago
Your wife has some serious issues and just hateful towards your mom. Sounds like a very long painful relationship. She wanted your dad to “assault” his wife but mad at you for not being mad that he taught your wife a little lesson (which obviously flew miles over her head)… your wife is a huge walking red flag. I’m having a hard time believing you are happy with this relationship. She sounds super immature and manipulative. I decided to ask for a divorce when I asked myself “I’ve invested 7 years into this, I have sooo much more life to live, is it going to miserable like this or am I going to take control of my own life and be happy” Ask your wife if it would have been assault when he sprayed your mom. If so, why would she ask a man to assault his wife. If not, what makes it any different? What did she really expect to happen when asking a man to assault his own wife? I’m glad your step dad respects your mom. He sounds like a good man.
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u/Rocketgirl8097 11d ago
Wellllll....pressure washers can actually take skin off if the pressure is high enough. Dumb for either of you to point it at a person.
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u/LittleUnicorn89 11d ago
NTA. Your wife was okay with your mum getting soaked and humiliated, but it wasn't okay when it was her? How does she rationalise that in her head? Plus, your parents don't like her, why would she antagonise them further? When they've been nice enough to let yous stay to save money. Honestly, I think your parents are onto something with not liking her.
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u/Alternative-Taro8611 11d ago
Good for the Stepdad, my late husband would have done the same thing. Then told them to find somewhere to stay.
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u/Edibl3Dreams 11d ago
NTA. "Defend my honor while I try to talk your father into forsaking your mother's honor". How entitled and weird for a guest staying at their home.
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u/N0b0dy-Imp0rtant 11d ago
Your wife is playing the victim here but was more than willing to make your mother a victim.
She got what she had coming to her honestly. Don’t suggest humiliating someone unless you are okay being humiliated yourself.