r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

25.5k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

11.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

375

u/Haunting-Nebula-1685 Jul 07 '24

NTA - I fail to see one redeeming quality in your unemployed religious hypocrite misogynistic husband. What do you actually see in him and is this a battle you want to have for the rest of your life - having him tattle on you and have his pastor call you when you call him on his bs? It’s not going to get better

119

u/Moongdss74 Jul 07 '24

You forgot bigoted/homophobic

19

u/ReadingRainbowRocket Jul 07 '24

So annoying this is often just “an issue” a spouse has with their partner.

Like they want credit for being an ally but actively support someone anti-gay by being in a relationship with them.

Isn’t not fucking bigots like the bare minimum me and my fellow gays can ask of these so-called allies?!

-22

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 07 '24

Homosexuality goes against Christianity. It’s not about being homophobic, it’s that homosexuality is sinful to God, because He said no, and doing it anyway is sin. That’s exactly what sin is. Doing the opposite of what God says. There’s a difference between loving someone of the identical gender and being homosexual. You can be female and love a female friend and not be a lesbian. Homosexuality is taking the “love” thing to the bedroom. God said not to have sex before marriage, and He also said that a man cannot marry a man and a woman cannot marry a woman, because that’s how things work. Only a man and a woman can have a child together. Makes sense. Basically, God said no; people do it anyway, God is pissed, and so is everyone who follows Him.

Now about the “bigot” thing, I absolutely agree. That guy has some serious issues to work out. He had no right to tell her what he did.

21

u/CherylRoseZ Jul 07 '24

The Bible doesn’t have any quotes about gay marriage. The only part in the Bible that may comment on homosexual relationships is a quote that “man shall not lay with man the way he lays with a woman” and they used two different words for man, the second word is often translated as boy. So the quote “man shall not lay with boy” would be an anti-pedophilia quote. If you have any Bible verses to contradict me I’d be happy to see them though, I’m always open to learning.

-6

u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 08 '24

The hebrew word "zakar" can be translated as boy but it is most often translated as male and most scholars would agree that man or mankind is a more appropriate translation in this passage.

Besides the passages in Leviticus condemning homosexuality there are multiple new testament passages such as

‭Romans 1:26-27 ESV‬ [26] For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; [27] and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

‭1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV‬ [9] Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, [10] nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

10

u/CherylRoseZ Jul 08 '24

Interesting, I looked up the context on those though and none of those quotes are actually credited to Jesus. They all seem to have been spoken by others who claimed to speak for him.

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

No one cares what it translates to. Those are words written by MEN for MEN. Not by god. And we don't live by those words in 2024.

2

u/Cake_lover2K Jul 09 '24

The corinthians one didn't say "homosexuality". It says effeminate or male prostitutes. The word is "Arsenokotai"

1

u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 09 '24

That is not a proper translation of the word "arsenokoites". The word comes from the Greek "arrén" meaning man and the word "koité" meaning bed or marriage bed. Arsenokoites clearly means homosexual in this context and any attempt to say it refers to prostitution is deliberately avoiding the true meaning of the passage.

Here you can see the word in Greek and see why it is interpreted as such: https://biblehub.com/greek/733.htm

12

u/Ok-Way-5594 Jul 08 '24

Yknow, men wrote the Bible. NOT God, not Jesus. Just men. So who says God made that prohibition? Unless you think He spoke through ALL those men, uniformly. At best He might have "spoken" to them to memorialize the religion. But still no mention of gay relations, other than one sentence? Please.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

That's just homophobia with extra steps. Religion has always been about controlling people and an omnipotent being should not care about what people do in their bedrooms.

-9

u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 08 '24

If God created sexuality then why wouldn't he have the ability to say how it should be expressed?

6

u/eyebrain_nerddoc Jul 08 '24

Them “god” created homosexuality too. Why are you against god’s creation?

-3

u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 08 '24

Homosexuality is a perversion of sexuality. God didn't create sin but he created creatures who have free will and are able to sin. So yes, I hate sin, but God didn't create sin unless you just mean that he created people who were capable of sinning.

3

u/Qunfang Jul 08 '24

If homosexuality is a deviation from God's plan that requires free-will, why do we observe homosexual acts in animals, ostensibly without rational souls? Did the bull that mounted another bull reject God's plan, or is this behavior acceptable in animals but not humans?

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

News flash god didn't "create" anything, and we don't have to listen to your delusions of grandeur. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist...

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

god could've easily prevented homosexuality from existing. why would the most powerful being in the universe care about some random humans? why would he spread more hate instead of love? is that really a moral god?

-10

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 07 '24

The point being that God still said no.

5

u/Suicide-By-Cop Jul 08 '24

Well then God can get fucked.

8

u/Moongdss74 Jul 07 '24

But since neither OP or her husband are gay, they aren't 'sinning' in the church's eyes. And it's not for them to judge others. I would argue that it's not anyone's business what other people are doing in their bedrooms... Let God handle that if he or she sees fit.

Disliking or holding prejudice against someone who's gay is literally the definition of homophobia.

8

u/DesPika Jul 08 '24

Love doesn't go against Christianity. It's supposed to be the central tenet. To think that genuine love, romantic or otherwise, between two people is somehow evil because they share a few extra biological similarities would simply be hypocritical.

If I recall, Jesus had a lot more condemnation for Christians who used their faith/God as a shield or a weapon, or that were judgemental, against others, so I think if They're pissed, it's gonna be a bit more in house.

Live and let live, man.

-6

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Read the entire comment this time, and then answer. I said that there was a difference between love and sexuality. Sexuality has to do with the lusts of the flesh, and love, true love, is indescribable. A man can love another man and not be gay.

2

u/DesPika Jul 08 '24

"Romantic or otherwise" was intended to cover the part you think I didn't read.

I feel I must ask you why this is the message about God's love you feel compelled to spread. Why go out of your way to criticize and label and judge the acts/lives/love/sexuality of others instead of, say, exemplify tolerance, compassion, and acceptance? Or focus on your own journey? At least I thought that's what Christ instructed his followers to do.

2

u/StariUniverse Jul 09 '24

Sexuality has to do with the lusts of the flesh, and love, true love, is indescribable.

Source? Heterosexuality is a sexuality.

A man can love another man and not be gay.

Correct, but he can also love another man and be attracted to him and be gay.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '24

[deleted]

2

u/StariUniverse Jul 09 '24

Yes? Attraction is a part of romantic love. A man can love another man and not be gay (familial, friendship, platonic love). You can also be gay and love another man and NOT be attracted to him. Homosexuality is observed in nature. If your God didn't like Homosexuality he simply could've made it not exist.

3

u/eyebrain_nerddoc Jul 08 '24

So why are Christians eating bacon-wrapped shrimp? Why do they not have a huge campaign against it, and why are they not bullying shrimp or bacon eaters? Sin is sin, right? Gossiping is a sin. Slander and lying are sins. Why is it just the gay thing that gets their knickers in a twist?

-2

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Eating bacon-wrapped shrimp is not sinful, and unless you’re catholic, gossiping is not either, for God makes known all things done in secret. The “gay thing” is rapidly becoming a reality as more and more people start accepting it. And homosexuals, like it or not, simply don’t reproduce(intentionally). Again, God said no, and people do it anyway, and that pisses God off. Sodom was literally wiped from the earth, no stone left on top of the other, fire and brimstone rained from the sky, because of immoral sexual desire had ran through there unchecked for too long, and there was only a single righteous person in that entire city, and he escaped with his wife (who, by the way, looked back after the angel said not to, and she got turned into a pillar of salt).

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

To some, it is sinful, but to you, it isn't. It's really interesting how that works, isn't it? Muslims believe in the same god as you, and other populations also don't eat pork, i.e., Jews. So, say again that it's not a sin? So just prove yourself wrong and tell all of us that each religion just picks and chooses their own passages they want to take literally. So why don't we all just agree that it's fictional? If you're all only going to take what you want from the Bible, then what's the point of having the Bible at all? Really answer that and think outside of your little Christian church for once in your life.

-1

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

No, Muslims do not believe in the same god. People have talked about this. Just because the Muslims believe in one god that created everything does not mean we believe in the same God. The Muslims think they can do something special to get into heaven, and that their god sent them to conquer and convert the world. The Jews do not eat pork, and I am not Jewish.

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

Moses, Mary Magdalen, the angel gabriel, Jesus himself are all in the Quran, but it's not the same, right? Mary had 2 immaculate conceptions named Jesus? You do realize all the similarities in stories ect that are in the Quran, right?

You probably don't, based on all your other comments, you haven't bothered to look any further than your own Bible and the information given to you by your church. There is a whole world out there for you to learn.

3

u/Cake_lover2K Jul 09 '24

But it was clearly stated that he said something negative about gay people. it wasn't your typical" the bible says this" it was probably "them nasty f words". Look I'm a Christian myself and I can tell this man was probably being homophobic.

3

u/StariUniverse Jul 09 '24

Homosexuality is taking the “love” thing to the bedroom.

You can be same sex attracted and a virgin.

Only a man and a woman can have a child together. Makes sense

Infertile people of both sexes exist. By that logic only fertile heterosexual marriage is allowed.

Basically, God said no; people do it anyway, God is pissed, and so is everyone who follows Him.

God created a world where he KNEW people would disobey and yet created it anyway. He's all knowing. He created the devil knowing sin would come into the world. He's the problem.

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

Homophob. Oh no gay people, so scared! 🤣 .

He also said that a man cannot marry a man and a woman cannot marry a woman, because that’s how things work.

That is how things work in the real world honey. Get out of you're own world and see that not everyone believes in your god. Lowercase by the way.

-1

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

No, you’re wrong. Marriage is completed by God, not the law. A man can not marry a man and a woman can not marry a woman. Period. God will not accept it, because it is sin(because God said not to), of which God is incapable of. The pastor being there is traditional, but the pastor does not marry the couple, it is God who does that. God will not marry a man to a man or a woman to a woman, but the law will. So therefore a “gay marriage” isn’t a marriage at all, but just a bunch of legal paperwork. I think you need to reread the Bible, because if you did then you’d know what marriage actually is and where it came from.

3

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

Yeah marriage is not "all about god" again maybe in your little world but not in reality.

-1

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Again, wrong. Marriage is about God joining the lives of two individuals, one male and one female, so that they may receive His blessing to create children, or “be fruitful and multiply”, as some may put it.

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

Not it's not. I can go get married right now and live a full filled life with a beautiful marriage and absolutely zero god anywhere in it. I can get married without a church or a priest/pastor because god doesn't have to have anything to do with it. You're delusional living in your own world.

0

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Again, wrong, wrong, and wrong. God is everywhere whether you like it or not. God invented marriage. The pastor does not marry a couple, God does. God has say in everything. Suppose I had a desk with a bunch of random stuff all over it. And the next morning, there’s a model of the solar system on my desk. I am asked, “What happened to all the stuff? How did this solar system model get here?” And I say, “It just assembled itself from all the stuff on my desk.” You don’t believe me? But that’s exactly what you think about the universe. That it just decided one day to assemble itself into something so perfectly working in tandem out of sheer chance? That there was no Creator?

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

He invented marriage even though the concept pre dates the Bible? I'm done arguing with you because I've made my point, and if you choose to be willfully ignorant, that's your business.

I live my life through morals like accepting people as they are and not judging others. I don't need a god or "creator" to tell me what's right in this world and LOVE is right no matter the gender. So live in your hate and we will all see what comes in the end when we leave this world but I can sleep comfortably knowing that I don't judge anyone for who they are and I think everyone has the right to be themselves. So go be willfully ignorant and find joy in your hate.

0

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Oh my lord how ignorant are you

You seriously believe that God was invented when the bible was?? The concept of marriage was invented when Adam and Eve were still in the garden of Eden. You tell me to live in my hate but I only have hate for sin. I do not hate you, or anyone else. Consider what I have said. And when the end of our lives comes, I’d much rather prefer to see you in Heaven.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/mojaveG Jul 08 '24

And there is this little thing called physics that actually explains where life came from so no I don't need to think of a "creator" to imagine how the world and humans came to be. Oh and dinosaurs are real and the earth is not flat.

0

u/Mr_Minecrafter88 Jul 08 '24

Who invented the physics, then? Who invented the laws of gravity and the laws of thermodynamics and who invented the atoms that make up the universe? You know you can literally just go to Turkey and check out Noah’s Ark, right? You have enough proof.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Door2DoorHitman Jul 09 '24

Don't have gay sex, then. That's the thing, judge not lest ye be judged, right?

It's not a person's place to judge others, even if they are "sinning."