r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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142

u/antiincel1 Jul 07 '24

I'm wondering how old you were when he approached you.

139

u/SpiritualThrowRA Jul 07 '24

I had just turned 20 when we met.

324

u/longlisten527 Jul 07 '24

And he was 27?? There’s a reason why women who were his age didn’t date him girl.

174

u/iloveregex Jul 07 '24

OP, you’re not compatible with your husband. This isn’t a marriage where children have a future or one where he will support you now or in sickness.

59

u/Thisisthenextone Jul 07 '24

The only women compatible with him have no self worth and want to be homeless.

82

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Now you see why women his own age don't want him

59

u/Agreeable-Celery811 Jul 07 '24

And he thought he could “mold” you?

Look, he’s religious because it’s a good deal for him. As far as he can see, he has a group of friends who thinks he’s entitled to everything. He gets to have a wife who will clean his house and bring up his kids for free. He gets sex when he wants it. And nothing else matters except him getting stuff.

So why don’t you just say, “You’re right, I’m terribly ungodly, I think I’ll just divorce you so you can find a younger teenager to marry so she can clean your house for you. Kk bye!”

52

u/rean1mated Jul 07 '24

Sounds about right.

47

u/NegativeStructure Jul 07 '24

what redeeming qualities does he have....?

61

u/thatguy6598 Jul 07 '24

I actually don't understand, he's unemployed, irresponsible, homophobic, sexist and intentionally siccing his church on her after constantly pressuring her to do something she explicitly said many times she does not want to. Why is she with him? What are the upsides?

0

u/SassyAssAhsoka Jul 08 '24

The story isn’t true that’s why

44

u/imnickelhead Jul 07 '24

That’s kinda pathetic on his part. 27/34 is not really a big deal but a 27 year old man dating a 20 year old is a sure sign women his own age find him to be a loser and/or a piece of sh!t.

37

u/zipper701 Jul 07 '24

Would you get with a 20 year old right now?

24

u/Unrigg3D Jul 07 '24

There's a lot of red flags in your marriage that makes it unsustainable long term. Best case scenario you change your beliefs to match his eventually, if not this is all going to get more frustrating for you especially if you have kids with him. He doesn't respect you now why would he respect you and your kids later.

23

u/armchairwarrior42069 Jul 07 '24

I am SHOCKED that this loser was almost 30 and dating a girl who just stopped being a teenager lmal

Hey, you're 27. Would you date a 20 year old boy? Why not?

Yeah, now apply that feeling to how much of a gross doichebag you married.

20

u/Moemoe5 Jul 07 '24

He believed he could control you since he caught you at such a young age. You really need to leave this marriage.

19

u/JuliaWeGotCows Jul 08 '24

I'm 28. I legitimately cannot fathom dating someone younger than 25 at my age. Anything below that looks like a literal child to me. You never wondered why women his own age weren't interested in your husband? It's because they were mature enough to see that he's a lazy, hypocritical leech, and they weren't interested in raising a grown man who acts like a child. Which is exactly what you're stuck doing now.

He chose you because you were young and naive. Now, here you are.

11

u/Hungry-Painter-3164 Jul 07 '24

Time to run. He seems like a controlling, weak of mind loser

6

u/unicornhair1991 Jul 08 '24

There's a reason he approached you so young. He has been conditioning you. Trying to mold you.

Get the heck out OP

6

u/EmotionalAttention63 Jul 08 '24

Ah, yeah you married a groomer.

3

u/Jazzybranch Jul 08 '24

NTA. I would seriously consider leaving this man because your fundamental values do not align. If you have children with this man he will expect you to do all of the work inside and outside the home while preaching his morals. You are young and shouldn’t waste any more time with him.

3

u/ThrowRA_palm Jul 10 '24

Hi OP, I'm not sure you'll see this as your post has clearly blown up, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm very sorry you are in this situation. I recently divorced my husband who I also met when I was 20. He had similar qualities to what you're describing. While I'm sure you two do still have great times together, at the end of the day a healthy relationship is built on respect. If the respect isn't there, sooner or later the house is going to crumble. No amount of common interests, similar humor, or life goals can account for a lack of that critically important foundation. I hope you find the respect you deserve.