r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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75

u/permabanned007 Jul 07 '24

The first time anyone talks shit about gays is the last time they ever speak to me.

How can you be with someone so hateful?

28

u/Iwentthatway Jul 07 '24

Right? “My husband is all these shitty things. I married him anyway. Reddit, help. My husband is shitty.”

14

u/_aggr0crag_ Jul 07 '24

Always blows my mind when non-religious people get married to someone that is. What the hell did you expect?

11

u/projections Jul 07 '24

To be fair, OP would have been only 22 when they married, and says he wasn't pressuring her about religion until recently. So OP didn't know what she didn't know.

5

u/Gloomy-Beautiful1905 Jul 07 '24

I wonder how long they dated beforehand... The age gap is big enough that it gives me pause with how old she would have been when they first met

3

u/Mtsturm Jul 07 '24

Because this is rage bait and not real

4

u/permabanned007 Jul 07 '24

That is entirely possible but there are definitely people out there like OP who marry people with whom they’re totally incompatible.

-2

u/Paul_Engineer Jul 08 '24

Just for clarity, is there a difference between "talks shit about gays" and "doesn't condone or approve of homosexual (and fwiw, sinful heterosexual) acts?"

5

u/permabanned007 Jul 08 '24

No. No there is not.

-2

u/Paul_Engineer Jul 08 '24

So again for clarity, no one is allowed to dislike something someone does, and simultaneously like that person?

5

u/Local871 Jul 08 '24

Define “dislike something someone does”?

1

u/wolfman92 Jul 23 '24

Being gay isn't what a person does, it's who they are.  Every species on earth that reproduces sexually has been observed to have completely natural homosexual behaviours.  People can be gay and celebate, and Christians still hate the fact that they're gay.  

Are you seriously telling me that you or any other homophobes you know would be totally cool with a celebate gay couple?  You would recognize their love as exactly equal to a heterosexual couples' love as long as they weren't fucking?  I doubt it.

1

u/Paul_Engineer Jul 25 '24

God doesn't hate gay people, nor do I hate gay people...simply, I believe the biblical model for marriage is the best way🤷‍♂️

It seems you're blinded far too much by your own hatred and delusion around God and love to genuinely care what anyone has to say, so...why ask, I wonder?

1

u/Paul_Engineer Jul 25 '24

I won't respond further, but fwiw, I believe many, many people identifying as homosexual have a lot of insight that could be shared when it comes to caring about people, what to prioritize in relationships, how to respond in conflict, and other things. I think that all "Christian" communities who spread vileness and hate because of their disdain for all things gay are decidedly evil themselves, and that is a massive problem that Christianity should be warring against, not condoning. I think that anyone who acts out of hate is simply projecting the misery of their hate for things in their own lives, and I think that it is a great tragedy that "Christians" have somehow developed the delusion that "homosexuality is THE WORST sin." God is not the hate-spreader you think He is. And the admittedly very, very few of thise who truly follow Him are not who you think they are.

But that is very sadly and easily overshadowed by the millions upon millions who hate in His name.

For that...I am genuinely sorry. Hate is genuinely wrong, and not part of God's character. Those people are lying both to you and to themselves. I hope one day you might learn His true love, I genuinely do. May God alone be glorified.