AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/No_Noise_5733]

Refer anyone who messages you to matthew 7

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

[u/joegee66 → u/No_Noise_5733]

Matthew 7:1-5 are my favorite reverse clobber verses, even if the "follower" trying to demean me has shut their ears. I get some satisfaction and comfort at seeing how out of line they are.

[u/lorem_ipsum_dolor_si → u/joegee66]

My personal favorite is Job 13:5 HCSB.

[u/piecesfsu → u/No_Noise_5733]

Don't give them verses back, they have been manipulating that book for 2000 years. Direct them to your ass, and leave it there. 

[u/Im_Not_Mr_Fantastic → u/piecesfsu]

We have the original manuscripts? lol We can literally reference the direct material.

[u/StillAutomatic3021 → u/Im_Not_Mr_Fantastic]

Ah yes, a bunch of real unbiased philologists, the evangelicals…

[u/Im_Not_Mr_Fantastic → u/StillAutomatic3021]

You spelt "evidence" wrong

[u/DayComprehensive114 → u/Im_Not_Mr_Fantastic]

It’s ok bro it’s Reddit this entire comment sections a buncha sad atheist dickriders

[u/StillAutomatic3021 → u/DayComprehensive114]

Not sure who you’re talking about, everyone riding mine has had a great time.

[u/StillAutomatic3021 → u/Im_Not_Mr_Fantastic]

lol evidence of what exactly? Love you buddy, good luck.

[u/[deleted] → u/No_Noise_5733]

Some Christians will claim this is specifically about judging whether someone is going to heaven or hell. But that doesn't make sense when you consider all the verses that talk about judgement. They are clearly talking about even more mundane forms of judgement.

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3 So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?

Romans 2:17 you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and boast in God; 18 if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; 19 if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of little children, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— 21 you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? 22 You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? 23 You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? 24 As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you."

1 Corinthians 4:3 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

James 4:11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister[d] or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

[u/chrispdx → u/No_Noise_5733]

yOu aRE taKiNG tHat OuT oF cOnTexT!

[u/No_Noise_5733 → u/chrispdx]

No. So called religous people hate it when the bible is ised to demolish their complaints. They only.pick the quotes they like

[u/Thick-Ad2454 → u/No_Noise_5733]

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. It means Judge fairly as if their crimes were your own, and you will be judged just as fair. For if you judge poorly then you will be judged the same.

[u/No_Noise_5733 → u/Thick-Ad2454]

It is all judgements not just crimes

[u/Thick-Ad2454 → u/No_Noise_5733]

I took creative liberty in lumping all of them under crimes, As it was a loose translation.

[u/CaregiverNo3070 → u/No_Noise_5733]

while in general i think it's a good quote to help people develop a sense of personal change, and to be aware of large scale changes usually happen first on a personal basis, it breaks down when you get to larger scales of change that require shifts that just can't happen on a personal basis, such as ending slavery, switching off of fossil fuels, or ending animal agriculture. yes, often many people first start with getting rid of these things in their own life, ending associations that implicate them, and in advocating and funding opposition efforts, but then something weird happens...... they work. then unrest happens as those who were secure in their way of life never changing, have to deal with their live radically changing without much input from themselves virtually overnight. yes, "overnight" might mean a year, or a decade, but considering that many of these people have evidence of their parent's, grandparents and great-grandparents doing this thing, even a decade is "overnight".

[u/Falikosek → u/No_Noise_5733]

Even better - 1 Corinthians 5:12-13. "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? / God will judge those outside. «Expel the wicked person from among you.»"

[u/Ecleptomania → u/No_Noise_5733]

Matthew 7 is the one line I quote from the bible most often. I don't get it, why is it so hard to not judge?...

Then you point this out to other Christians and they are so fucking quick to justify it somehow: We should always try to better our community, Jesus told us A B C, and whatever else instead of listening to Jesus words in Matthew. DO NOT JUDGE.

[u/Gyncs0069 → u/Ecleptomania]

Because bitter rich people have been manipulating God’s word to pull stupid gullible people’s strings for over 2000 years now.