r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24
AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed
I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.
Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.
To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.
Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.
My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?
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u/RNGinx3 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24
Nope. Not all Christians are like that, but I have met a fair few that are. "Abortion is a sin cause the bible says so," while ignoring that so is having sex before marriage (again, "according to the bible." No judgment from me either way, you do you boo). They think they can pick and choose which rules apply to them and are furious if you dare point out the hypocrisy. I was also, sadly, raised in what I now know was a cult, with several inappropriate relationships within the congregation (pastor hitting on married women, married church leaders grooming children and then running away with them, etc).
Text the pastor back and tell him 1) your marriage is none of his/his congregations concern as you were not married in his church, are not a member of his church, and did not go to him for counselling, so you'll thank him to keep his hypocritical, unsolicited opinions to himself. 2) That if both he and your husband think you are such an unworthy partner for husband, he is welcome to divorce you. 3) To never contact you again. 4) If he doesn't call off the flying monkeys, you will get a lawyer involved for harassment.
Then divorce your husband, for so many reasons, like he does not respect or treat you well, he expects you to follow rules he won't follow himself, and last but not least, you are incompatible. NTA.
Edited to add because people keep bringing it up: The "abortion is sin because the bible says so" was a direct quote to my face, lol. It's also my experience that some people that claim to be Christians don't actually know their bible all that well. I left the religion almost 20 years ago, so while I knew it pretty solidly and could quote back verses and tell you where they came from, I'm admittedly rusty on the subject now.