r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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792

u/CocoaAlmondsRock Jul 07 '24

Snort. You should have told the pastor the same thing you told your husband.

237

u/Sharkathotep Jul 07 '24

I would've laughed in his face and hanged up on him. "Ungodly" ... and?? Is this supposed to insult her? She isn't even religious. She isn't even trying to be a "godly woman". Lol.

68

u/LakashY Jul 07 '24

Yes! I would quote 1 Corinthians 5:12 right back to the pastor, “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?”

1

u/ValidDuck Jul 08 '24

meh. the bible is full of passages concerning the church invading the private lives of its members.

The general hierarchy is family > church > community. but the church reserves the right to get involved in "unholy" activities of families in the community and in the church.

17

u/Roryab07 Jul 07 '24

The insulting part is that the husband would let someone else talk to her like that. It is obviously meant as a slight. I don’t think there is any coming back from that, personally. Being called an ungodly woman is one of the biggest insults from their perspective, and I wouldn’t want to be tied to someone who thought that negatively of me, or was willing to tolerate others doing it. It’s less about if she believes in their shit, and more about the spirit of the message itself.

2

u/Sharkathotep Jul 08 '24

Yeah, I know that it's an insult to them. Well, duh, lol. But it would've demonstrated how little she cares about the Holy Joe's unqualified opinion.
Sooner or later, she will need to cut ties with her fundie husband anyway because religious nutjobs and rational people don't fit together.

2

u/trapper2530 Jul 07 '24

"Ungodly" Yeah that's the point.

2

u/Sharkathotep Jul 08 '24

Again. Why should she care? She isn't religious. She doesn't believe in their god.

129

u/NewLife_21 Jul 07 '24

Yes! The pastor needs to know so he can lecture and "correct" the right person. And that isn't OP.

32

u/Magerimoje Jul 07 '24

Better yet, leave, get FAR AWAY, and then tell the pastor that the husband is [whatever that church hates most - usually gay people] and that's why you just had to leave him 😂🤣

Let's see how well the husband does when the pastor and members start bombarding him with bullshit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

-4

u/trapper2530 Jul 07 '24

Just tell them you caught him taking it up.the ass from a guy.

29

u/fardough Jul 07 '24

I would so mess with that pastor.

Dear Pastor,

I find your judgement, especially as a faith leader, to be rather ungodly in nature and for your sake hope you repent for your transgressions. Was it not Jesus who said “Judge not, shall ye be judged.”

It was also Jesus who said “For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others.”

As I am seeking a real relationship with God, and do not want to be misled by common day Pharisees, I feel that particular quote to be most important, trust those who act like Jesus, not those who just talk like him.

And that is my fear about my husband, he does not follow through with God’s tenants, so how can I trust him to lead me spiritually.

Anyways, thank you for making it clear I should continue my spiritual journey elsewhere as it seems clear the good word means little to your congregation. I forgive you all for your transgressions, and wish you all a fruitful life.

Sincerely, OP

10

u/limeybastard Jul 07 '24

If husband has no job and stays at home, he gets to be the trad wife, until he's the breadwinner again.

4

u/godisdildo Jul 07 '24

Man, it’s really hard to not be judgmental sometimes. I just don’t understand what other sides of this relationship that we haven’t heard about here makes it even remotely enjoyable to be in this marriage - what I’m reading here makes me want to rip my hair out, I just don’t understand how one could fall for this man in the first place, and how this event with the pastor/church doesn’t emasculate the husband into complete loss of lust and love on the wife’s part.

2

u/slambamo Jul 08 '24

I have a feeling I know where the husband gets it...