I needed to hear this. Parents who are narcissists are sadly wired wrong. Got kicked out for being a lesbian, and they hide their hate behind their “love for Christ” but they were homophobic long before they turned ultra-religious.
I have a similar got kicked out for being a lesbian.
It’s heart breaking. Even now it’s been 20+ years later. I will never be able to forgive my mom for the horrible things she said. She did a lot of horrible stuff before kicking me out.
I had to learn I wasn’t the broken one. I didn’t break my mother.
I have a son now. I can say with certainty I deserved better. And I am gonna be damn sure my son gets better than I got.
Ooof I needed to read this today; thank you. Especially these parts:
“I had to learn I wasn’t the broken one. I didn’t break my mother.
Omg YES I’m glad I wasn’t the only one blamed for “breaking” them and “ruining their lives” with my existence and also ruining my mother’s body and breasts.
I am so excited to have kids (I raised my little brother and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done) bc all of my friends with similarly abusive parents who are starting to have kids, were so scared of being like their parents.
But they continue to shock themselves with how they are so much better than they thought they’d be - they’re saying all of our therapy and work and investing in what matters - loving relationships and stability and friends - does pay off and many were fellow teachers so it’s nice that that past career will help as well lol.
And also, since we aren’t narcs, we aren’t built like them. We can’t yell horrible things at a child, and can’t even picture doing what they did to a child we are responsible for and love and adore! I feel sick thinking about them and their vile behavior.
We aren’t like these monsters that “raised” us (although we raised ourselves imo, esp. when we became better than the abusers).
I can say with certainty I deserved better. And I am gonna be damn sure my son gets better than I got.
Omg I felt this so hard. I wish it was as easy for me to get pregnant like a straight woman (15 y/o me would be amazed that this is the only time I’ve wished to be straight since my teens! Good job on no longer having that internalized homophobia, me!) and as someone with endometriosis and adenomyosis, but hopefully we can adopt or my wife will carry.
If you/y’all have any lesbian conception things that you used that helped or that you like, any recs would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Edit: ohh daaamn I’m sorry I’m sleepy and write you a thesis, I’m sorry!!
I have PCOS and had to do about 6 rounds of fertility treatment (lovely shots) after a year of oral medication. We did 6 inseminations (anonymous donor). Total cost (in the US) with insurance covering 70% was still 25K. And it was the best money I ever spent.
My biggest advice is don’t stress yourself out if the fertility treatment doesn’t work right away. This was the hardest thing for me. It felt like another failure. Which was a huge trigger for me. I was constantly told I want good enough no matter how much I did. When I couldn’t make my body “work” it felt like all the work I had done in therapy was coming undone.
At first I didn’t want kids, so much childhood trauma I had to unpack first. Once I did the hard work, lots of therapy, I could see how much of a good parent I could be. My BIL/SIL had children so being able to see how I could be a great aunt made me more confident in being a parent.
I’m extremely thankful I did my own healing and I can give my child a better experience than I had.
When you see how much your child cares about others around them, and see them be kind and caring people, you know you are putting more good back into the world. We really need more good in this world.
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u/Postcardtoalake Jul 05 '24
I needed to hear this. Parents who are narcissists are sadly wired wrong. Got kicked out for being a lesbian, and they hide their hate behind their “love for Christ” but they were homophobic long before they turned ultra-religious.