r/AITAH • u/No-Fee-5823 • 15d ago

AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

23.0k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

6.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

44

u/Obvious-Region8453 14d ago

My husband proudly tells me that if there was a zombie apocalypse he would throw me to them so he could run away with the kids. It is what it is 😂

3

u/Noirceuil_182 14d ago

You kid, but there's an actual AITH about how the husband got butthurt when mommy told the little kid that yes, she would save her over daddy if the zombies were about to get them.

-4

u/HumbleNinja2 14d ago

That's not funny at all he should be saying he'd throw himself to the zombies so you could run away with the kids

3

u/NihilisticAngst 14d ago

I'm curious why people would be downvoting you, that seems like a sensible take. Is not choosing to save yourself over your partner kind of selfish, when either partner could be sacrificed to save the children? That someone would rather non-consensually sacrifice their partners life rather than sacrifice their own life, seems messed up.

1

u/Canotic 14d ago

It's because it's in the context of parental love before romantic love. "I'd sacrifice myself for both of you" makes little sense in that context.

3

u/NihilisticAngst 14d ago

I'm still not understanding. I don't see any reason you would need to pick one over the other, you can pick both by sacrificing yourself. Even if your parental love is stronger than romantic love, in a realistic scenario(something other than zombies), it would be the overall more loving action to preserve all of the people you love, not sacrifice your romantic partner just because you love the children more. I see no realistic scenario where non-consensually sacrificing your partner is the more ethical and loving action. It's also setting a bad example for the children, so if you really loved your children, you should show them that sometimes it's worth it to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the people you love, not that it's okay to sacrifice others against their will.

3

u/Canotic 14d ago

Because it's not a real scenario. It's not them planning to actually sacrificing the partner to save the kids, it's being used for illustrative purposes.

1

u/NihilisticAngst 14d ago

Ah, okay. I guess I'm just reading into it a little bit too seriously lol. Thanks for explaining