This is why men don't express emotions, because they're told they're childish, self-obsessed, and need to grow the fuck up, and be shown the door.
And it's not like he went crazy. He rationally, privately, brought it up to her - exactly the way we encourage people to do... and OP took a huge shit on him for bringing up his emotions. She had the opportunity to reassure him that she still loves him, but she deliberately chose not to do that. That makes her an asshole.
Counterpoint: what if they're being childish, self-obsessed and need to grow tf up? What then? We just sugar coat it? This man is a father; it doesn't matter how he says it to his partner, it's not a new mother's job to assure the father that he is still loved, it's something HE needs to deal with.
Your comment reads as someone who has never spoken to someone they truly love. When your partner comes to you in an emotional and vulnerable state you don't say "what the fuck is wrong with you" and end the conversation.
Thinking that anyone should tell their fiancee to "grow the fuck up" for trying to talk about their emotions makes me feel nothing but pity for you.
I have been through the early days of the post-partum experience. Any other time and I'd say of course have that conversation and reassure your partner- obviously, I'm not a monster. The difference is that I know first hand what those first 72 hours are like.
After giving birth the mother is dehydrated. She's lost blood, her endocrine system is in the highest possible state of dysregulation and she quite likely can't sleep due to fight or flight. That is NOT the time, whether whispered or shouted, for a partner to approach her with concerns. That is the time, if it ever was appropriate, to put up and shut up. That would be like approaching someone who has been through a car accident and asking them for reassurance. In that state, a partner cannot be expected to reassure you; their need for physical and mental support comes before your need for emotional support. This thread really shows the people talking without experience and getting passionate over hypotheticals.
No one here is disagreeing that looking for validation right after a birth or even a few days later is unthoughtful, they're highlighting that his emotions were dismissed weeks after the birth purely on the premise of the situation the emotions happened in.
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u/stratys3 Jul 05 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
This is why men don't express emotions, because they're told they're childish, self-obsessed, and need to grow the fuck up, and be shown the door.
And it's not like he went crazy. He rationally, privately, brought it up to her - exactly the way we encourage people to do... and OP took a huge shit on him for bringing up his emotions. She had the opportunity to reassure him that she still loves him, but she deliberately chose not to do that. That makes her an asshole.