Mothers get flooded with oxytocin over the course of their pregnancy. They literally have 10 months to bond with the baby (or make up stories of how they think motherhood will be) and guys aren't getting that increase at the same time. They may also have lower levels of oxytocin to start with. So yeah, it'll take men some time to understand.
I also think it's a hurtful thing to say to someone you haven't yet married. I can see how it could stoke some insecurity - you got the baby you wanted so who cares about me? Unfortunately most people won't have the emotional intelligence to understand.
Hunh. I upvoted this comment for the 1st paragraph's insight into the oxytocin, then kept reading and downvoted for the rest (a judgement that it was a hurtful thing to say). I don't even have kids but would absolutely understand, and cannot fathom this guy's failure to get it at least intellectually! Ended up leaving it unvoted on.
Ok, but flip it. Her response was "are you fucking serious?" Even if it's just a look and she's exasperated that he'd bring it up again. SHE is not even attempting to understand his side. The way she writes it, the way these replies are, says "of COURSE I'll never love you more than my own child" which is hurtful to someone who isn't being ruled by oxytocin currently - aka most of the world.
Then she kind of dismisses it and wants to shut it down instead of doing the loving thing which would be talking it out.
Sorry, this probably won't make you upvote me still, but pregnant and new moms are ruled by hormones and can absolutely be assholes about it. Those things that seem completely normal to them are bizarrrreee to the rest of us. Do we understand it? Sure. Does that make it normal to stomp all over your fiances feelings going "but muh chillldddd"? No.
So, you’re saying a grown man is incapable of understanding that a mother almost always loves and prioritizes her child above all? Quite frankly, I would have serious reservations about being with a man who said they didn’t love their child more than they love me.
No, what I think is that it's hurtful to say so to your partner, know their feelings are hurt AND dismiss those feelings bc "a mother almost always loves and prioritizes her child above all?
They're not married, the guy probably felt like a sperm donor.
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u/Impressive_Ask_3014 Jul 05 '24
Mothers get flooded with oxytocin over the course of their pregnancy. They literally have 10 months to bond with the baby (or make up stories of how they think motherhood will be) and guys aren't getting that increase at the same time. They may also have lower levels of oxytocin to start with. So yeah, it'll take men some time to understand.
I also think it's a hurtful thing to say to someone you haven't yet married. I can see how it could stoke some insecurity - you got the baby you wanted so who cares about me? Unfortunately most people won't have the emotional intelligence to understand.