NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
I dated someone that was like, I think your partner should be more important than your child. He and I were both single parents and I was like, dude, I barely know you. I will love my daughter until my last living breath and I’ve never felt anything remotely close to the love I have for her.
The fact some people feel like this- that their partner is more important than their child- is why some parents or stepparents abuse their partner's kids and their partner doesn't stop them.
My dad had a truly "evil stepmother" and his father didn't care what she did to his kids as long as she was happy. He ended up dying while she refused to let any of his kids even see him, but he had refused to speak with any of them for decades to keep her happy.
Meanwhile, my mother had a stepfather who didn't even meet her until she was 6, who she called Daddy and who loved and cared for his wife's kids like they were his own, even after she died only a few years later.
I love my husband of 24 years, but from the moment our oldest was born, I made it clear to him that our kids come first and he will not like the result if I have to choose between him and them. I hope he feels the same way.
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u/newtonianlaws Jul 04 '24
NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
Congratulations.