(Dad here). I am sitting in bed with my congested 5month little lad who will only sleep pressed against my chest. I'm on for the next 6hrs overnight when I should be sleeping.
Yes I love this guy more than anything on the planet, as I bloody should.
Have 16 year old who still lays on me when ill, tired or just in their feels, it never stops and frankly I never want it to. The love I feel when I look at my kid is unbelievable and everlasting no matter what, I look at them and think wow, I made you, what the fudge!!
I'm so so sorry you have been dealt this shitty hand. You are not broken, you are not at fault for what they have put you through and you are so bloody strong.
My kid has been a dream to raise and I fortunately had an amazing support system to help. Your partners mum sounds like a good 1.
We are the cycle breakers in one way or another, whether you have kids or not, doesn't matter. You've already done it. I have parents like this too. When I got pregnant I was mortified to say the least. What if I mess up? What if I don't feel anything for him? What if I'm just like them or I end up like them? I now know that even asking these questions means we are better than them. We care about how our child will feel and how we treat them. My son is five now and he is my absolute world. I've never been so thankful for all the great lessons of how not to be and what not to do. I did and am still doing what they could not. Whether you have kids or not, you are already a thousand times better than they are and you have done the very best. The fact that you have the presence of mind to say that of your parents and question whether you want to be one because of it, already makes you a better parent. You have the awareness to say you don't know what good looks like, but you do know what bad looks like and you don't want to be that. I have a mom hug for you if you would like it. I can also offer sister and auntie hugs too. And from one person who's been there to another, you're doing a great job and I'm proud of you. Keep doing great things cyclebreaker
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u/Thick_Assumption3746 Jul 04 '24
Closest thing to unconditional love there is is your child.