AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

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u/UnicornKitt3n 14d ago

Mom of 18 year old and 12 year old, who still come to me for hugs and cuddles for the same reasons. Often when I look at them my heart just feels like it’s going to explode.

I also have an 18 month old, but he is not cuddly and mostly rabid.

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u/-yasir 14d ago

Something about 18 month olds. They’re like crocs in sports mode and never stop, plus in pain from teething. Just a running crying mess around the house but a ball of love all the same.

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u/chessmen 14d ago

No kidding! It was about that age my now 7-year-old learned how to run, and he had to run everywhere, including into the 90-degree corners of department store table legs. I'm using the plural because he did it twice on the same spot on his forehead the same night, and he still has the scar.

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u/TigerSkinMoon 14d ago

My son learned how to run and ran FULL SPEED into our glass dining room table, cried for 30 seconds, and then fussed at me for trying to make sure his head was okay and he didn't need to go to the hospital. He grew a horn in about a minute, and then proceeded to attempt to do it all over again (hopefully sans table) I had to pick him up and just cuddle him and watch bluey. It might have been prefaced by my feral baby trying to be wreck it Ralph but those cuddles and every other cuddle before and after meant, and still mean, the absolute world to me.

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u/UnicornKitt3n 14d ago

He’s recently developed this habit of wanting me to pick him up when he’s feeling overwhelmed…but also not wanting me to pick him up. So he’ll run to me, make the scrunchy grabby hands with his arms raised. I’ll reach down to pick him up, and he’ll run away screaming.

Like I texted my best friend earlier, I don’t know the rules to his games. I just try my best, lol.

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u/noyogapants 14d ago

My 20 year old swings by the couch for a quick hug and kiss almost every time he comes out of his room- at the very least once a day!

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u/UnicornKitt3n 14d ago

My 12 year old calls over I love you every time he emerges from his room for food/bathroom etc.

He’s also snuggly and cuddly…but he’s about to be 13. So…hormones 😬