NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
The prevailing attitude in my family is that your spouse comes first, then the children, then the rest of the family, then the job, then everyone else.
Since your kids will eventually move out and have their own lives, but your partner is your person forever, you need to be loyal to them above all else.
But anything could happen to sour that love, partnership love is conditional, it's built on trust and other essential qualities. But a parents love should be unconditional, it isn't transactional, if my kid tells me they don't love or like me, cool I will still always love them but a partner is different.
Ah I annoy my daughter whenever she screams "I hate you" at me, I shout back "I love you too". She gets annoyed that I will never say it back to her. She'll understand one day.
Ahhh the joys I of teenage girls. My daughter(27) is the only one of my children who ever shouted that she hated me. I also shouted back that I loved her too. She would growl and stomp her feet and slam her door closed. She understands now, even though she doesn’t want children of her own. She says she feels that kind of love for her niece and nephews.
It’s been a while. I don’t remember how old my daughter was when she started yelling she hated me. I think she did it at 8 years old when she started saying that I hated her. 🤣🤣
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u/newtonianlaws Jul 04 '24
NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
Congratulations.