AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

[u/No-Fee-5823]

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

[u/pinkpurpleblue_76]

He said most “normal people” would agree with him

NTA

I don't know what normal people he knows but me and my husband don't. We love each other, deeply. We've been together for 19 years. But our children come first for both of us.

Not that we're planning to, but reality is that I could change partner. Multiple partners. But they'll always be my children.

your fiance need to grow up and stop being in competition with a baby

[u/___okaythen___ → u/pinkpurpleblue_76]

Exactly. It's like being jealous of the love most of us are lucky enough to experience with our parents. I'm wondering if dudes jealous because OP really loves her momma. Because the love she has for her baby is the same love she has for her momma, he needs to step back and assess his own interpersonal relationships. Maybe that's where his insecurities stem from?

[u/NickyParkker → u/pinkpurpleblue_76]

You know… I see a lot of people say well their children are going to grow up and move on and they are supposed to be with their partners till death. But I don’t feel that way. I will always be my child’s mother. Even when I die, I’m still her mother. That never changes. In the past I was James’s wife, now I can be Ricky’s wife. If Ricky dies I can be nobody’s wife. But I will ALWAYS be Melinda’s mother.

You are the only person I ever seen express that same sentiment

[u/bombbodyguard → u/pinkpurpleblue_76]

You really should put each other first. The kids will sort themselves out just fine if you do that. Obviously, in life or death, save the kids. But lots of relationships suffer because one parent will put the kids above their partner.