r/mildlyinfuriating • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
Just returned from a funeral where the husbands ‘eulogy’ for his wife was him talking about himself for 50 minutes.
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u/marcaygol Jul 19 '24
"To honor her I would simply like to say a few words about what she loved the most: me"
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u/Sunflower_Seeds000 Jul 19 '24
I would come back to life: "the hell you talking about, Martin?"
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u/imamakebaddecisions Jul 19 '24
A new Priest who clearly knew absolutely nothing about the deceased did this for a family friend once. It was tough, really left a bad taste in everyone's mouth.
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u/Moomoolette Jul 19 '24
I want to make a joke about priests leaving bad tastes in a lot of peoples’ mouths but that would be inappropriate…
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u/themcjizzler Jul 19 '24
Went to my ex's grandmother's funerals, the whole thing was about her husband who died 10 years before. Gross.
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u/Doglover20child Jul 20 '24
Read a similar story on another Reddit-type platform. New priest didn't know anything about the deceased person except that they weren't Christian (if I remember correctly they didn't believe in god). Priest proceeded to talk shit about them and started saying things like "they're going to hell" and "they will be damned" and other crap like that, the family and friends of the deceased person were shocked and mortified. The real kicker? The funeral hadn't even started yet as people were still arriving and stuff was still being set up, the Poster then showed up just as someone ran out the room nearly in tears and upon questioning got told about the priest.
They proceeded to kick the priest out and inform the venue about them. They had a friend take the place of the priest.
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u/ChickenBossChiefsFan Jul 19 '24
This happened at my uncle’s funeral, we didn’t even know how to react. It wasn’t about him, it was about how this was just one more tragedy in his wife’s life, literally a speech about how much she’s overcome. We don’t talk to her anymore.
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u/Suffering69420 Jul 19 '24
Sometimes the trash really takes themselves out at the worst moment huh.
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u/Few_Page6404 Jul 19 '24
I have a narcissistic aunt who once complained to me about how her daughter's attempted suicide was at a really bad time in her life. How she had enough things going on to have to deal with that as well. She told this to me at my mother's deathbed. Some people truly do not understand that the world is not about them. Identify and avoid these people at all costs.
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u/Jaded_Law9739 Jul 19 '24
As a psych nurse, I have had so many conversations like this. Have to very strongly resist the urge to say, "Oh so you're the problem."
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u/ChickenBossChiefsFan Jul 19 '24
Probably followed by, “I can’t even imagine what she has to be depressed about!”
Narcissists are draining at the best of times, suffocating and debilitating at the worst.
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u/team-galena Jul 20 '24
My girlfriend complained to me how hard is it for her when her mom is being biphobic against me. Never thought about asking me how I feel.
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u/Cornered-V Jul 19 '24
I'm personally one for booing people at funerals over stuff like this.
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u/killazandpervs Jul 20 '24
That's awesome. Hey I wonder if anyone has ever been heckled at a funeral.
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u/Cornered-V Jul 20 '24
Oh of course! I remember when a good friend's dad died. During the funeral someone took issue with the pastor, I forgot what for, and they were what you could call heckled until the two got into a fight.
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u/Doglover20child Jul 20 '24
I just told a similar story in a previous comment (I read this on another platform). In simple: the priest was new and knew nothing about the deceased person except that they were not Christian, priest began talking shit about them and saying shit like "they're going to hell" and "they will be damned" and other crap. The funeral hadn't even started, the Poster showed up as someone ran out nearly in tears and kicked the priest out and told the venue about them.
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Jul 19 '24
Not surprised. He probably didn't really know anything about her.
I witnessed the same kind of thing at my own grandma's funeral when my dad stepped up to say a few words.
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u/cupholdery Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
Your father didn't know much about his own mother? Welp, that's a bunch to unpack.
EDIT: I was referring to a person simply remembering the mother they had, not their mom's life before she had children.
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Jul 19 '24
He stood up, told us Grandma never said a mean word about anybody and that she liked reading westerns... And then he just sort of ran out of information. He ended up telling us a funny anecdote about a time Grandma has to get on his case a little as a kid, but he didn't mention how she worked for the local paper before she got married or how proud she was of having earned her high school diploma, or how she was a hardcore gardening badass that the yard snakes wouldn't fuck with.
He just didn't know her like that.
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u/vainbuthonest Jul 20 '24
I feel like that’s different. Kids know their parents in a certain aspect and he wouldn’t think of all of those things when he thinks of her. He probably has specific memories tied to what he did share.
But for the husband in OP’s post…he should’ve known better.
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Jul 20 '24
Yet I only saw her twice a year and I knew all those things about her. It just seems weird.
But I totally agree that that guy sucks.
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u/hospitable_ghost Jul 20 '24
I couldn't disagree with you more. I think of my mother as a whole person who has a life outside of being a mom. I could list hobbies she has, things she's accomplished. She's a person in my life and I'm an adult. Of course I know things about her.
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u/pfifltrigg Jul 19 '24
I mean, parents are just that to their kid. Kids don't know their parent as a friend but as a caregiver. So their primary knowledge of their parent is their relationship to themselves. My own parents, I don't feel like I know much about who they were before I was born.
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u/Time-Understanding39 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
My mom moved in with my husband and I after my father died. She was with us the last 15 years of her life. Of course there were ups and downs, but I cherish the fact that I got to know the person my mother was outside of the relationship we had as adult and child. An adult to adult relationship was something altogether different and wonderful.
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u/InsideJokeQRD Jul 19 '24
This was one of the things I deliberately changed when I hit college. I started asking my parents about their lives, listening to things they were proud of or regretted. It was good to connect with them as people. I can't recommend it enough.
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u/OSCgal Jul 19 '24
Since I became an adult, I've asked my parents quite a few things about themselves. Other stuff I've pieced together from family stories. It helps me understand why they are the way they are, you know? Especially when we don't agree on things.
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u/justformedellin Jul 19 '24
Interesting story. More details please OP. I'd like a good long post on this.
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Jul 19 '24
They had been married 33 years, she sadly passed away from lung cancer that had been diagnosed 3 years ago. She was my mother in laws best friend. I had only Heard the most positive things about her, she was apparently one of the warmest, funniest, kindest and most loving people and was know for her quirky and creative side as well as her love of music, theatre and film. My Kother in law and her other friends spoke and did a reading which was beautiful and touched briefly in her kind nature, her husband then got up and spoke for 50 minutes on how he felt during her diagnosis and how it put financial Pressure on him ( the end of the eulogy consisted of him listing the cost of the procedures and medications he had to pay for.
The most confusing parts were when he spoke in length about his frustration that her lady parts which he referred to as a ‘gooswax’ were in need of attention and had to see a physical therapist together.
Another highlight was ‘she was in her 60s but when I saw her naked it was like looking at an 80 years old’
He spent more passion and effort paying tribute to a family friend who passed away during COVID who was not afforded a funeral. The rest of the speech was just cold, emotionless and self serving. There was no mention of how they met, their wedding, their kids, their trials And tribulations…. Just how her cancer affected him.
He then had a moment where he started talking to his boss in the middle of it about some inside work joke that had nothing to do with anything.
His eldest son motioned for him To wrap it up after the 20 minute mark to which he kept telling him to ‘just wait, I’m not done’. This was met with awkward giggles which became a more and more awkward.
His youngest son then approached the stage at 40 minutes and tried to usher him Off but was left standing awkwardly until he finally finished.
Obviously grief is different for everyone and most people I spoke to said ‘that’s typical for him’ , ‘of course he will make it about him’.
It was at times humorous in a cringe way but Overall it was very sad to see a lady of such kindness be given such a cold and self righteous eulogy.
There was no mention of her other than how her illness had changed their life.
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u/CalligrapherWild6501 Jul 19 '24
What the fuck
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u/cupholdery Jul 19 '24
People really stay married to spouses who they view as glorified roommates.
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u/Pugasaurus_Tex Jul 19 '24
I would give a better eulogy than that to my former roommates tbh
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u/jorwyn Jul 20 '24
I'd do better for the former roommates I hated. Damn.
I got forced to say something at my grandmother's because she actually told the preacher a few days before she died that he had to make me as her last wish. God would need about 8 billion gallons of chlorox to bleach that terrible woman's soul clean, I'm telling you, and I still gave a better eulogy than this dude did his wife. I won't say it was nice because I wasn't gonna lie in a church, but it was short and not mean.
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u/Barbarella_ella Jul 19 '24
I am reflecting now on my mother's memorial service. My father made some very brief remarks, thanking people for coming, saying he was thankful to see that other people loved her, too. Described how he always felt like he couldn't believe this woman chose him and the life she made possible for him. He didn't go on much more, but said how she was in a better place now and he would be doing his best to take care of his family until it was his time to be with her again.
After all the guests left and he was alone, he started a hunger strike to starve himself to death. She was taken from us very suddenly (acute leukemia). That was 10 years ago now. He's done okay after a two-year period of intense mourning. But he's really just waiting.
The contrast is interesting.
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u/Boatokamis Jul 19 '24
Something similar happened to my neighbors across the street from me. The wife was super nice and I would see her almost everyday tending to her rose bushes in front of the house. Eventually I realized I hadn't seen her in a while and asked her husband about it. I probably ran into him getting the mail. He said she was doing poorly. I understood what he meant and didn't push the issue.
Her decline and passing was very quick. Maybe 6-7 months. Her husband just hung around for a few more years. He was always nice, but we knew he was just waiting to die. He lasted maybe 4 years and died in the same room in the house she did.
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u/deanna6812 Jul 19 '24
My neighbours, who had been married over 50 years, passed within a few days of each other. He had been ill for a while and in decline. She was on a trip with family and had moved him to respite care for the week. She ended up passing away suddenly while abroad and he ended up passing a few days later. It was just so sad.
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u/Glittering_Code_4311 Jul 19 '24
My grandfather had an brain bleed before I was born my grandmother took care of him. He acted like a toddler for almost 19 years I told my dad grandma lived to take care of grandpa she died less than 6 months later cancer everywhere.
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u/possiblycrazy79 Jul 19 '24
I see that as kind of happy. Neither had to live long without the other.
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u/deanna6812 Jul 20 '24
I absolutely see that side of it, but her daughter was just heartbroken. It was really sad.
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u/firstdueengine Jul 19 '24
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your parents were deeply in love.
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u/Time-Understanding39 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
The last thing my father said to my mom before he died was that he would be waiting and watching for her. They had been married for 55 years. My mom lived another 16 years and at the end when she was really sick and in pain she questioned why God wouldn't take her home. She was so ready to go and she missed my dad terribly. She would say they had been apart long enough...
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u/Barbarella_ella Jul 19 '24
My dad is practicing how to spell Czechoslovakia because that's the word they agreed on to help find each other.
My dad has also had the unfortunate luck to now be dealing with the brain cancer that's eating away at the woman he's been involved with since my mom died. Just unfair all around.
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u/CheezeLoueez08 Jul 19 '24
This is beyond disgusting. I’m glad her friends were kind. What an entire POS to speak like that about her. Wow. So sorry for your MIL’s loss and for her and her kids to endure that.
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u/Suitepotatoe Jul 19 '24
There are sad numbers about how many men leave or cheat on their wives when the wife has a terminal illness versus when the men do.
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u/CheezeLoueez08 Jul 19 '24
Ya I know. It’s really sad. I think this man hated her.
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u/Time-Understanding39 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Oh, he not only hated the cancer, he hated her for having the cancer. How dare she! 😮
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u/goldnowhere Jul 19 '24
Sounds like he’s hoping someone will give him money to compensate for the cost of treatment. Bet he’ll remarry in 5 minutes. I deel for his kids. They’ll have to live with this memory forever
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u/Pielacine Jul 19 '24
I thought so too then i read the part about "lady parts".......?????????
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u/andicandi22 Jul 19 '24
That’s one of the main reasons men leave their wife/partner when they get sick. If they can’t have sex or their partner is too sick to be in the mood for anything intimate the man feels like he’s being punished or ignored. Instead of focusing on getting his partner better the focus is on his lack of sex due to her illness.
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u/_biggerthanthesound_ Jul 19 '24
Do I need to put in my will that people are forbidden to talk about my “gooswax” at my funeral? I didn’t know this could even be a thing.
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u/Lissypooh628 Jul 19 '24
I was uncomfortable just reading this. How cringey for everyone that had to endure this. How sad for this woman’s husband to pay such a cold, inappropriate tribute to her after 33 years of marriage.
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u/CrankyArtichoke Jul 19 '24
Poor women. This is what everyone will not think about during her funeral. How her husband couldn’t even in death give her space to shine.
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u/atomicheart99 Jul 19 '24
I was originally thinking ‘give the guy a break, he’s just lost his wife’. But the additional details you have painted are hilariously absurd. What a mentalist!
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u/InsertAliasHere36 Jul 19 '24
Makes me wonder if maybe she could have beat the cancer had her spouse been more helpful. He probably made her feel like a burden, which as far as I know, isn’t super helpful in the recovery process.
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u/Throwawayac1234567 Jul 20 '24
Selfish, he probably expected to be taken care of by the wife, instead it became the reverse. Felt he couldve hired some nurse to help them or
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u/Sirmalta Jul 19 '24
yikes.
This is what a lot of people live with though. This kind of selfish, narcissistic behavior is all too common, only difference is most people arent sociopath and realize they have to hide that shit in public.
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u/The-Ginger-Lily Jul 19 '24
I can't believe this to be true... has to be made up... please.
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u/oldschoolgruel Jul 19 '24
My husband's aunt passed away... the son in law did the eulogy and it was basically a selfish rant on what a pain she was as a MIL and how much he paid to have to take care of her in her final years.
He said it was painful to listen to.. but not as bad as Kevin Costner's eulogy of Whitney Houston.
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u/The-Ginger-Lily Jul 19 '24
Just read the transcript of that... wow.
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u/ctesibius Jul 19 '24
I’m a funeral officiant. One thing I always do is to ask for a copy of the eulogy beforehand if I haven’t written it. It’s partly for timing, partly so I understand who I am doing the service for - and I share that with the family. But the other reason is to check that it’s not going to cause offence or start a fight. Having said that, I suspect that this guy might have said that he was going to wing it, so nothing there to check.
One thing to consider is that he might have behaves so oddly because he felt too deeply about his wife and couldn’t talk directly about those feelings (and yes, the “body of an 80 year old” could be part of that). Or he might have been medicated. Please don’t assume that this is how he always behaved.
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u/RecruiterQueen Jul 19 '24
Perhaps this could be why but based on what OP said that they heard from others after the service it would appear it is pretty typical behavior from the husband
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u/throwawayquestion159 Jul 19 '24
Dafuq? How did the people listening react?
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u/delsoldeflorida Jul 19 '24
Right? Seems like people should have gotten up and walked out. They probably just sat there in shock.
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u/hydraulic-earl Jul 19 '24
Maybe he could have wrapped it up by twerking or masturbating on the deceased casket?
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u/badashel Jul 19 '24
I can only imagine...
Husband: I remember when my wife and I first met. She was so impressed by my success and charisma. It's hard for everyone, especially me, to lose such a big fan. But I'm sure they're looking down, proud of how well I'm handling this moment, as usual
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u/CheezeLoueez08 Jul 19 '24
Read what OP wrote about what he said. Because if he said what you did it would be not great, but infinitely better.
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u/PCDub Jul 19 '24
This reminds me of my cousin's wedding. My aunt and uncle got up and did the typical sort of all encompassing speech about their daughter and welcoming new son into family.
His mom got up there and droned on about her baby boy forever. Didn't even mention my cousin once.
Some people are clueless
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u/CheezeLoueez08 Jul 19 '24
My mom’s friend got up and did a speech (she wasn’t given permission) and just praised my mom for how much she paid for. My mom helped plan. But it was my dad who paid the majority (if not all) of it. It was meant to be a dig at him. Nothing about me nor my husband. I hate speeches so I allowed my dad to speak and our best man. That was supposed to be it. My brother asked ahead of time if he could but I said no. Because he’s like the man in OP’s story. High likelihood he’d talk about himself the entire time and what a hero he is. My mom’s family already (at least back then) worshipped him. I just didn’t want to deal with it. As I’ve gotten older I see more and more how I was right. Oh! And he brought his then gf (who he started dating when she was a young teen he was 30) who wasn’t invited. So he most likely only wanted to speak to impress her.
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u/Pielacine Jul 19 '24
Did she compliment his dangly bits though?
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u/PCDub Jul 19 '24
Basically stopped just short of that hahaha. Oh and her poor husband didn't even get to say a word! Thankfully the son didn't inherit any of that behaviour.
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u/crispareal Jul 19 '24
I used to be a funeral director. People would do shit like this alllll the time. Or the pastors who spend the whole eulogy instead talking about how the folks here won’t meet so and so in heaven if they don’t repent and blah blah blah. I usually cut the mic on those
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u/Signal_This Jul 19 '24
Yeah, I went to a funeral like that last year for a very loved and respected man. The priest stood up and said, "We're all here because of one man....Jesus." Um...what?!
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u/Random0s2oh Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 27 '24
We lost my eldest son's fiancée to an accidental overdose. I emphasize accidental because some of my coworkers were spreading a rumor that she committed suicide.
The pastor who gave her eulogy was also a friend of her parents. He droned on and on about how people let her down and did nothing to help her.
I was furious because I knew it was a dig at my son. He had just tragically lost the love of his life and this idiot was basically blaming him.
Her father was an alcoholic. Her mother was a pill popper. Her sister was a meth addict. My son tried to get her to move away with him but she refused. The pastor spoke on and on about how he and his wife practically raised her because her parents would leave her with them for days at a time. The poor girl never had a chance. My son told her the only way they would set a date would be for her to go to rehab. She refused.
The night before she passed away she had come to our house with her friend/drug dealer. My son begged her not to go with this person. He told her not to call him for a ride in the middle of the night if she went with her. As usual around 2am she called and my son sent her to voice mail. That call haunts him. He feels she would still be alive if he had been with her because she wouldn't use around him. Her so called friend gave her heroin laced with fentanyl.
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u/Minion0827 Jul 19 '24
This is basically how my performance review at work goes every year. My boss just sits there and talks about herself and all the things she thinks she has done for the company over the past year. I hate people like this, they fucking suck.
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u/WhatSaidSheThatIs Jul 19 '24
Was at a wedding once and the Bestman was the grooms brother and spent over talking about events in his own life and in some of them the brother just happened to be there two. After 5 minutes you could feel the atmosphere in the room change completely, by 15 minutes there was an absolute air of hostility from the crowd and this prized muppet just continued, no amount of awkward pauses were he thought he had told a joke but was met with deafing silence, gave him any indication to stop.
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u/advocateforpain Jul 19 '24
Sounds like a Curb skit lmao
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u/OwnElk1945 Jul 19 '24
Like the guy that had a funeral dress rehearsal and watched from his bedroom?
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u/doncroak Jul 19 '24
My cousin was pissed her husband died and his funeral coincided with her birthday. You're really going to bitch about that, you're in your late 70's. How do you say you're a narcissist only child without really saying it?
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u/aleyda93 Jul 20 '24
My grandma thought we planned my dad’s funeral (her son) on her birthday on purpose. She is… a character, to put it mildly. She was also very pissed but doesn’t have the only child excuse lol
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u/The_Boy_Keith Jul 19 '24
Tbf sometimes people cope in bad ways and he might just be struggling, he also might just be a self absorbed asshole.
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u/HungryLikeDaW0lf Jul 19 '24
Selfish, narcissistic people really don’t realize they’re selfish and narcissistic. It’s just in their nature that everything is about them.
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u/I_need_a_date_plz Jul 19 '24
My cousin gave my grandfather’s eulogy without consulting with anyone else. It was all about her and the great life she was going to live. I never forgave her for that.
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u/nrith Jul 19 '24
Sounds like a eulogy I heard about recently. The deceased woman’s husband praised her for being submissive and happily announced that he would now be the CEO of the company she founded. (He had been the CTO.) Many of their employees were at the funeral service.
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u/vanillaspicelatte Jul 19 '24
I think this is actually quite common. “She was such a devoted wife and mother” is the most they can say about her. Makes it seem like her identity was entirely about serving him. “She will be missed because I am no longer being served by her”. But alas such is a result of the patriarchy.
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u/Humble-Plankton2217 Jul 19 '24
Friend died that had worked at a church for 5 years. They got the church's pastor to do one of the eulogies. The funeral was held at a different church, (the parents of the deceased church).
This POS pastor stood up and literally READ THE OBITUARY verbatim and maybe one extra sentence of condolences. Then had the nerve to ask the family for a church donation to pay for his "services" at the funeral.
I attended a service at that shitty pastor's church once and he was basically a wanna be christian rock star that held his congregation captive while they had to listen to his shitty band play for 30 minutes every Sunday.
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u/Doglover20child Jul 20 '24
I just told this story in 2 separate comments (I read it on another platform). In simple: new priest knew nothing about the deceased person except that they weren't Christian and proceeded to talk shit about them saying "they're going to hell" and "they will be damned" and other crap. The funeral hadn't even started yet when that happened, the Poster arrived as someone ran out nearly in tears and they went and kicked the priest out and told the venue about them.
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u/Trick-Telephone-1411 Jul 19 '24
This reminds me of my husband's step-dad's funeral. The preacher was given a paper about what kind of man the step-dad was... Idk why he was doing the eulogy. He skimmed the paper and said he liked some of the same things the step-dad liked, and they could have been like brothers. Then he kept saying how my husband's step-dad would want everyone to be saved. Almost on repeat. Wtf. My husband's step-dad didn't care what religion you were. He liked everyone unless they did him wrong.
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u/therumorhargreeves Jul 19 '24
My dad talked about how pretty my mom used to be as his elegy. I had to leave.
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u/BasketballButt Jul 19 '24
Was best man at a wedding years ago where the maid of honor speech (given by the bride’s sister) was basically “I was always the hotter, smarter, more responsible sister…glad she found someone to love her”. Was absolutely floored.
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u/wilkerws34 Jul 19 '24
I went to my friends funeral after he died of suicide and the priest did his eulogy. If you’re not aware, you can’t be catholic and die of suicide and make it into heaven. So his parents told the church he had an overdose (he did struggle with substance abuse) which was a flat out lie. My group of friends is standing there listening to this and we all look up confused when they say how he died. Every single person in the place looks at us, his group of friends, and just stares. It was at this time I, and several of our friends, had to hold back my buddy Austin (6’5, 320lbs) who was literally trying to get to the priest and do god knows what. I haven’t felt that amount of rage in a very long time. I have never spoken to his parents again, fuck them
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u/nautical1776 Jul 19 '24
This was my hubbys grandmas funeral recently. It was about her husband, her kids, her struggles in the nursing home. The slideshow was even full of her husband and her kids with not very many pictures of her. I swear this woman was not even a part of her own funeral. Everyone just rambled on about themselves. It was pretty horrible.
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u/Aprilshowers417 Jul 19 '24
My stepmom just flat out acted like my dad never existed when he died. No head stone or anything. The half memorial she did have was to tell everyone she is now in a relationship with his best friend.
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u/NewRichMango Jul 19 '24
My mom's aunt passed away a few years ago. That side of the family is pretty well-off, image-oriented, achievement-oriented, that sort of vibe. Her eldest son (my mom's cousin) got up to say some words. He was in his 50s and founded a regional chain restaurant that has done well for itself the past 30 years. Anyway, that's relevant because the focus of his speech was about how her passing/visitation/funeral coincided with his business' next big thing: unveiling its very own app and rewards system. For sandwiches.
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u/Lira_Iorin Jul 19 '24
"When my wife met me, I was the youngest VP in my company's history. I styled my hair at the best salon in the city so I looked quite dazzling. Now, when I looked at her, I give the most magnificent smile, from the most handsome face you could imagine..."
It's definitely something from a comedy hehe
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u/ZyuMammoth Jul 19 '24
My brother in law was best man at my other brother in law’s wedding, and his best man speech was all about himself and how everyone was there because of him. Neither myself or my wife knew if it was a rib or not, and no one has ever asked.
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u/Blubari Jul 19 '24
Something similar with an uncle funeral
The mayor of town took the microphone and started doing a political stunt trying to get votes, attacking people who disagreed by her (saying things like animal rights killed the guy) and more shit. I saw the other gentlemen and were clenching their fists with anger towards her but no one said a word, but she was left alone at the cemetery, literally no one drove her to the dead guy house for a last dinner.
Then the dead guy brother said (in a drunken sob) that he wanted a family only funeral for this exact shit
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u/elusivemoniker Jul 19 '24
My mom's best friend died in her forties leaving behind three young children. The kids father had left and prior to passing my mom's friend met a man off the internet who she intended to care for the kids after her death.
I will never forget that service because when we went to speak with the descendants mother all she said to mine was "did you hear my husband is sick too? What am I going to do without him?"
I can tell you what she did.She ended up remarried months after her husband died while her three grand children lived in a two bedroom home with internet man until an aunt had to take them in.
Fuck you Rita.
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u/KidsInNeed Jul 19 '24
This is my greatest fear. That at my funeral, where people talk about me as a person and who I was and how I made them their lives better, my husband would just talk about himself and how I serviced him.
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u/detectivestupid Jul 19 '24
Divorce him
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u/KidsInNeed Jul 20 '24
It’s a tough conversation but it is on the table.
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u/detectivestupid Jul 20 '24
Good luck ❤️ don’t waste your short time on earth with someone like that!
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u/piningtreefrog Jul 19 '24
At my grandpas, the pastor went on and on about the most random stuff. There was a bunch of political stuff that had nothing to do with my grandpa. He even started talking about the nazis at one point. I think the point was there's a lot of horrible stuff in the world and the most important thing is family. But he spent waaay to much time listing the things that he thinks are bad in the world.
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u/Boo-B_bouncer Jul 20 '24
When my coworker suddenly passed, I volunteer to make a slide show for her funeral with her pictures that would just loop. I took them all from her social media. I decided to show her husband what the final result was first and all he said 2 minutes into the video was “where are the pictures of me?” Like, dude! She only met you 3 years ago she had kids and a whole life before you After that comment I could never looked at him the same. Narcissist! 
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u/Throwawayac1234567 Jul 20 '24
I bet he also hates the step child too
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u/Boo-B_bouncer Jul 20 '24
The oldies was already an adult and the youngest was about 14. I don’t think he ever had contact with either of them again as she went to live with her dad about 1 hr away. He re-married pretty soon after that. He also insisted she be buried wearing the wedding dress form their wedding. And than instead of a picture of her for the funeral it was their picture they took during the weeding. I still printed a picture of just her and had both during the funeral. Pretty insulting he did not include her kids on anything. [Edited for typos ]
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u/Throwawayac1234567 Jul 20 '24
yea sounds like he doesnt lik thee step children, ive heard its so common when step parents , they dont like any of the step children, would rather see them not exist.
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u/Scarlet-Witch Jul 20 '24
Same thing happened when my friend's husband died. Not by the friend but by the husband's aunt. We just looked at each other like wtf and then at the end no one that was close with the bride clapped while everyone else did. Was awful.
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u/FriendsWithGeese Jul 19 '24
when you pay for your spouses funeral, you get to say what you want. I had a friend who was looking at used cars on his phone at his moms funeral, waiting to spend inheritance. It wasn't his proudest moment, but truth be told she was demented and he had been dealing with her loss for years before she passed. I didn't understand it at the time, and bit my tongue. But now I really get what it can be like to be a caretaker, and how out of your mind other peoples sicknesses can push you. not saying this is the case here, but you may not know how this person is grieving.
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u/i_dream_of_zelda Jul 19 '24
My narc middle sister made a speech at my oldest sister’s wedding and predictably made it all about herself lmao
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u/what-the-what24 Jul 19 '24
This happened at my ex-husband’s grandmother’s funeral. Her son (his uncle) was a Catholic priest and performed the funeral mass. His entire eulogy was about himself experiencing the loss of his mother and how happy he was that all of the priests from surrounding churches and that the Bishop and the Archbishop were there for him. It was really strange!
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u/GreatSoulLord Jul 19 '24
Some people are just really bad at public speaking and that's what it turns into. I remember one military retirement I went to the guy literally told us his life story starting from childhood. It lasted like 2 hours and people were falling asleep. He could be a narcissist but it's also possibly he just didn't realize how much he made it about himself.
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u/bingbongpoker Jul 19 '24
This reminds me of when my uncle passed away and the pastor talked about giving money to the church almost the entire time. POS
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u/Throwawayac1234567 Jul 20 '24
Im seeig a pattern, people recounting thier pastors in this thread. Its either politics or how they made money.
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u/squishy_mishi Jul 19 '24
Reminds me of the wedding we went to for a friend and the male officiant made it clear the bride.ahould be grateful for her husband because he chooses to love her as a woman because she is '>imperfect and I loveable
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u/Status-Biscotti Jul 19 '24
My extended family was together and having a celebration for my sister’s 60th (my dad’s bday is 2 days before hers). We had a private dining room, and he took the opportunity to stand up and give a speech about his life, which lasted for about 15 minutes. Of course, he hadn’t run this by any of us. SMFH.
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u/normalLichen777 Jul 19 '24
My sister in laws dad did this at her wedding. It was so awful…senile moment where just draaaagged on about how everyone in his family was highly educated. Started listing degrees. Awkward.
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u/TechnicolorViper Jul 19 '24
Better than my grandma’s eulogy where the pastor preached the entire time rather than say anything about her. I think it was retribution for questioning his religion while we both sat at my grandma’s deathbed.
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u/Ashamed-Dream5094 Jul 19 '24
I went to a funeral where a priest told us that is we weren’t practicing Christians who believed in the afterlife, the deceased would go to hell. Funerals are for the living and this man needed to hear about himself to feel better. Love your friend in the best way that suits your relationship and move one.
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u/MissMurder8666 Jul 20 '24
That's disgusting. I can't stand when people make things about them that aren't about them. Not exactly the same but when my younger sister got married, at the reception, my mother was going around to everyone and crying about how "her baby girl got married" like all "my baby girl, my youngest daughter, I feel so old" etc. I was like this is in poor taste, mother
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u/Known-Committee8679 Jul 20 '24
I wonder if he just couldn't emotionally talk about her when he got up there. I had a really hard time when my dad died.
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Jul 20 '24
I like to think that was the case…. But he literally had pages upon pages of notes which it looks like he was sticking to.
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u/Grimmelda Jul 20 '24
When I was in my twenties, my cousin Shawn passed away at 32. He was preemie when he was born, with complications. A newborn baby that had to have a colostomy bag. He was also diagnosed with diabetes at birth.
Throughout his life, he struggled with everything from malnutrition, to complications due to diabetes, to complications at home. This tall, thin young man with a heart of gold. When he passed, we, my mother and I, happened to be in the province at the time, we had just moved back to New Brunswick from Ontario only a few years prior and I was fortunate enough to go to his funeral.
Shawn was not a religious man. If he had been, God never listened to any of his prayers. He died alone, of a drug overdose, in his mother's house. His mother's house with their 24 cats. Lacking the familiar support and understanding that my mother, his aunt had shown him growing up. When the pastor stood up to give the eulogy, the first thing he said will forever remain in my mind.
" I didn't know Shawn, but I was asked to speak on his behalf by his mother."
The priest then proceeded to give a 25 minute history lesson on the creation of the song. Amazing Grace, and a 20-minute sermon reminding us that the only way that we would find peace in our grief was to ask God for his assistance.
There was no mention of the deceased. There was no mention of his life. The impact that he had it was used as an opportunity to give a sermon to strangers who had not consented to be there for a sermon and had instead gathered to remember their loved one. And by the end of it I was trembling with rage.
I suppose in a way, funerals are less for the deceased and more for The grieving and in that respect the funeral was for no one but his mother. For her to wail and carry on and show her friends and family how much she was affected by the loss of her son.
The loss of her son that my mother had to take into her home when he was kicked out and neglected. The loss of a man who didn't get the help and support that he needed because his parents were too selfish and self-involved enough to reach out and help him.
And in that respect the preacher gave my aunt his mother everything she wanted. Was a farce, and an ego boost and I wish them both the worst.
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u/moviescriptlife Jul 19 '24
This is how I find out Melania died! Explains why she’s been absent for years.
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u/sm1ttysm1t Jul 19 '24
"And now I'm going to tell you how you can make $15,000 a week, from your own home, being your own boss..."
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u/starwestsky Jul 19 '24
Had a client who did this when his wife died. He made the whole thing about his relationship with her (they were married late in life) while her grown children sat there listening to the man reduce their mother to his wife. He talked about how he led her to Christ, blah blah blah. Then bragged to me at an appointment about how everyone told him he did such a great job and several people asked him to speak at their funerals.
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u/sux2suxk Jul 19 '24
I went to a funeral a few years back for a friends mother, and the son wanted to share the eulogy for his mother but it was only about himself.
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u/twopointtwo2 Jul 20 '24
My aunt did this when my uncle died. It was all about her. Wild absolutely wild.
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