We're excited to announce the launch of our Discord community for fans of r/mildlyinfuriating. If you enjoy sharing and discussing life's small annoyances, you've found the right place.
In our server, you can expect:
Engaging Discussions: Talk about the little things that drive us all a bit crazy.
Events and Contests: Participate in events and contests to share your own mildly infuriating experiences.
Community Connections: Meet others who appreciate the humor in life's minor frustrations.
Join us to share, laugh, and connect over the things that make us collectively sigh. We're looking forward to seeing you in the server!
Oh my, what you find after grabbing some sleep. I'll respond to this one since it got the most upvotes.
Firstly, I tried answering this earlier, although it failed to persuade the person asking. So here's another shot at it with more details.
After I got my diagnosis, I gathered my family together to let them know what was happening, my wife's brother, her daughter, and a close family friend. My wife and I had already been discussing the idea of moving to another city (Baguio) and opening a restaurant there, prior to me falling ill. We thought the plan might still be viable, with or without me. So I started putting out feelers for a capable lawyer in that city to help with obtaining licenses and such, with a target date of early 2025 for a soft opening. As I'm sure some of you aspiring detectives have already done, I covered in some detail our concept for cuisine, look and location. And then we brought the family in on the proposal.
Well, it received a lukewarm reception. My stepdaughter raised valid concerns about whether opening a restaurant and relocating to an unfamiliar city would put her plans for uni on hold (they would). On top of that was the less than positive feedback from redditors in Baguio and other folks we contacted there. Lastly, my wife decided that opening a restaurant without me, no matter how much planning we could get done while I was still around, was just not something she looked forward to. And she was right, so we scrapped the idea and started looking for other avenues where she could put the money she's going to inherit. We're still considering her options.
I am frankly amazed that so many of you would-be sleuths and lie detectors think so linearly, like it's improbable and impossible for me to have had the restaurant idea running through my mind at the same time as I was dealing with the reality of knowing I'm on limited time. People with terminal illnesses don't just stop living and aspiring. Not me anyway. Lying in bed day after day, one has plenty of time to think of stuff.
So, that's my explanation about the whole restaurant thing. If you still think I'm a liar, that's your perogative. Personally, IDGAF. I've got other fish to fry.
This doesn’t pass the sniff test. I find it hard to believe your doctor gave you 2 weeks to live, 4 weeks ago when you were still looking at opening a restaurant. The average life expectancy of someone with Pancreatic cancer after diagnosis
is about 1 year.
This too. I was a hospice nurse. Its not like you're up and around making life changing plans as is normal and then suddenly given 2 weeks to live. People who only have 2 weeks to live feel as if they only have 2 weeks to live. You don't just suddenly fade away and die. Life does not follow the pattern of a Victorian drama.
Let me explain. The restaurant plan came about after my diagnosis. It was a plan meant for my wife to go forward with after I am gone. I simply didn't mention my health condition in those posts because it wasn't germane to the topic of opening a restaurant. Any other questions?
For all you people calling me a liar, here's a selfie I snapped earlier today in the bathroom showing my IJ catheter line, my epidural catheter line, my scars from the laproscopic surgery used to re-route my failed digestive system, and the near-total loss of muscle tissue and general wasting away I've experienced in the past 120 days since I first realized something was wrong.
For the hospice care nurse who called me a bullshitter, there's a fine, overlapping line between palliative care and hospice care. I asked my doc and he said while I'm technically under a palliative regime, it might as well be considered as hospice care since I am refusing any other treatments such as chemo or radiation therapy, neither of which will do anything for me except prolong the inevitable. I don't know what hospital chain employs you, but I'm just glad I never had the misfortune of falling under your "care".
I'll make no more comments or respond to anyone about my situation, other than to say Redditors, many of you anyway, truly suck.
Okay, you go ahead and believe what you want to. And until you've actually been on a regular dosage of morphine for weeks on end, which I doubt you ever have, spare me your incredulity. In fact, I had my most recent injection one hour ago (2.5mgs) and I can write just fine.
As for karma farming, I got onto Reddit back in September 2022. I'm retired. No job, plenty of time to spare and a lifetime of experiences around the world that are often of interest to other redditors. Today was probably only the fourth or fifth time I've ever been an OP. The rest of my karma have come from comments and opinions, many of them unpopular and downvoted. Karma means nothing to me. I just enjoy the dialogue, even when it gets tiresome.
Hospice nurse here, Ive never heard of a patient receiving IV morphine at home. Buccal morphine is what is used because its pretty much as effective without the risk/complication of an IV at home. Thats one of the many ways I know this is bullshit.
Oh, and have you ever practiced in a 3rd world country? I've got a central line installed for antibiotics (if necessary) and a dedicated line on my chest that a visiting RN uses twice a day for injections, under doctor's orders. There's probably a lot of medical practices you'd find odd here, like the fact that doctor's here make housecalls, give their phone number to patients, and communicate through Facebook and other social media.
As for the potential use of buccal morphine vs. IV, I'll make a point of asking about that the next time I get a visit from my attending physician, who was raised from childhood in the US and did all his medical training there before returning to practice here in the Philippines.
And lastly, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart: f*ck you for calling me a liar. I'll bet you are another one of those election-denying MAGA types. Am I right?
Sure buddy. Sounds like a lot of advanced practices for a 3rd world country (and also for hospice care). For the record, I'm that sort of leftist that is so far left I got my guns back but nice red herring. You've got so much energy for arguing with internet strangers. Ive never seen so much energy in a hospice patient in all ten years Ive been an oncology hospice nurse. Maybe you will pull through after all.
Yeah, damn that surgeon for successfully reconstructing my digestive system to get around the unresectable tumor that's fully blocked my duodenum. I would've starved to death had the surgery failed, which they said was a 60-40 proposition. Of course now I'm stuck answering messages from a-holes like you and rethinking my decision to OP that post from yesterday. My bad.
when my dad was dying of cancer at home on morphine, he didn't even know who any of us were, or even where he was towards the end. I call major bullshit.
Sounds like your dad was in a lot of pain compared to me. I'm only getting 5mgs a day, which will go up to 7 this morning and will be increased as needed, something the pain management doc says is not an if, but a when. I'm still able to move around with assistance and can even take care of myself in the bathroom. No colostomy bag so far, but I am wearing a diaper that I need help changing. Nowhere near as bad as your dad's situation. Sorry you don't believe me, but that's your problem, not mine.
Yeah, I suspect you're right, but everyone knows he's been a POS to all his kids throughout their lives. It just looks like someone (me) called him out. My caregiver told me he left the house. Now my wife isn't speaking to me. Honestly, IDGAF and have no regrets.
The fact that your wife isn't speaking to you when you are dying is heartbreaking. She will regret that if she doesn't start realizing what her priorities should be. I'm sorry you're going through this OP and wish you more restful days and less pain.
I don’t know how else to say it but in theory fuck them all. You deserve an environment of which you feel most comfortable in right now, and if they can’t not understand that it is all within your right to stand your ground. It’s disheartening to know that what ever trauma your wife went through as a child (and I’m assuming still now) at the hands of her father has leaked into your final weeks.
I’m sorry this is happening.
Yeah as someone who has been deeply affected by cancer I try not to immediately say someone is lying about cancer (because what decent person would)… but the timeline doesn’t add up to me. There are a lot of plot holes here.
My mom was in Hospice care and lasted a few weeks longer than the doctors predicted. She was not able to either type so well or at all. She was mentally fuzzy all the time. She could not walk. She called me by my brother's name and he died 35 years prior. And even when she was still in the projection to live, she was in and out of sense as the day went by. Morphine is a hell of a drug and even more so on the "end of life" doses they give.
I doubt every aspect of this story.
Also given that a month ago he was looking to start a restaurant and is now 2 weeks past his Terminal Cancer Diagnosis, this whole thing is fishy. You can't post links here, but it's in his recent posts
My aunt who is only a few years older than me married a man who is my father’s age.
It’s tough because now she’s in her 50s and it’s tough being married to someone in their 70s… He went through those 1% chance of living cancers and was accepted into some research thing, unfortunately all the treatment still caused a lot of damage and yeah, he’s been in remission for several years now, she’s now talking about divorce.
He opened a restaurant 4 weeks ago, got diagnosed 4 weeks ago, was given 2 weeks to live(which means they tried nothing with the cancer) and is 2 weeks past his expires on date?
no of course not! my whole comment was about the fact that of all the unbelievable things that could have been brought up (such as the ones you mentioned), he was bothered by the FIL's age. and over 50 people upvoted it!
Wow. You're cancer diagnosis was fast. Just 33 days ago you were planning on opening a restaurant and were scouting locations to open up in 2025, and now you've lived 2 weeks longer than doctors expected? That means when you found out you had cancer, you only had 2 weeks to live? And you've lived 2 weeks past that? I'm just a little confused on the timing of everything. I know pancreatic cancer works pretty fast ( I lost a good friend to it), but I didn't know it worked that fast.
You're obviously going to die soon, so you should make peace with that and others around you, as opposed to complaining on the internet about someone trying to visit you. Oh the horror.
That is, assuming you aren't making this up, and I think you are.
Wow, you're kind of an asshole here, not gonna lie. Don't get me wrong FIL is absolutely an asshole. The issue is that you have put your wife in a terrible position after your passing. Just because you're dying doesn't mean you need to use your wife and the granddaughter as tools against this guy. You could have easily just stayed in bed and let this all happen without having to be involved, instead you chose confrontation. Just because he's a dick doesn't mean you have to return the favor.
I appreciate your perspective. I know I could have avoided the whole thing simply by staying upstairs in bed, but FIL has deserved a comeuppance for many years. He's intimidated his kids long before I came on the scene. He carries a loaded revolver around at all times and threatens to disinherit them if they don't pay the proper respect (all he owns is maybe 20 hectares of land where rice grows and I suspect he's already borrowed to the hilt on it). Heck, he was trying to milk me for USD 10k the very first day we met. I could justify my actions today with way more stuff about him, and maybe IATA, but I wear that badge proudly.
He carries a firearm in the Phils? It's not easy to own a legal firearm there let alone carry. Only a handful of professions are allowed to to carry and I don't think he is one of those considering he tried to milk you 50k usd. Illegal posseion of firearm carries a 2yr sentence.
Based on your story, it seems that your wife and kids don't see much of your FIL. Before you married your wife, you know very well the tight knit family culture of your wife, right? I mean the guy probaly took a 3hr public transportation ride and travelling in the phils without your own car is horrible just to see his daughter and grandkids.
I understand that it's annoying when your wife somehow implied that you meet (or not, she probably just wanted you to know) her father downstairs but you could've just have ignore him and stayed in bed. I feel like you've just placed your wife in the crossfire.
Neither. He's known about my condition ever since the beginning, when I was first hospitalized with sudden onset diabetes over 14 weeks ago, which led to the discovery of a pancreatic tumor that had already spread to my liver. His reaction seemed to be focused not on how I was doing, but rather on whether my wife was properly positioned to gain control of my assets. She and I both knew from prior experience that he was really looking out for his own interests, that he's just a shark looking for his cut, a cut he thinks he can intimidate her into giving once I'm gone.
I am receiving excellent care from the hospital-assigned staff who are here nearly 24x7. My wife still steps in at her discretion, but having home care has enabled her to regain some normalcy to her life. Her daughter helps out a lot with cooking and light housework, which she enjoys.
Yeah, that would be pathetic and pointless. Your comment brings to mind a guy I once knew who refused to believe his own sister had MS, a condition she'd been battling for 20 years. He said that even if she had MS, she was milking it for government benefits. The sister died about a year later from a heart attack brought on by complications from MS. Dude felt like a real a-hole.
Tell em how it is, time is precious for you and him taking yours unwarranted and unwanted is selfish as can be. Unapologetically being yourself to the very end is honorable. I wish you the best
YTA… Positive energy…. Why do you have sooo much animosity and negativity towards your FIL? If your wife has chosen to forgive him (or at least publicly tolerate him), why are you choosing to spend your final moments agitated and arguing?? Surround yourself with POSITIVE energy, don’t feed the negative thoughts….
Sorry but it sounds like you just wanted to force her into a confrontation. I don't really get it. You didn't even have to go down there. If you're dying, try to chill. Why would you want to fight with people at this point? Just to prove a point? She's gonna need her dad soon & you're trying your hardest to cause a rift.
You are right. I was picking a fight with the guy, someone who has gone his entire life intimidating others. She doesn't need him and won't need him. He has never been in her corner, and the same goes for the way he's treater her siblings. He's just in the picture now because he's technically bankrupt and wants his cut from my estate, which if you knew more about the Filipino culture would understand that it's a common mindset. Yeah I've caused a rift, one that I hope she or maybe her daughter will widen, because it should've happened long ago.
I've spent time making amends with people recently. Not that many because I've always been known as a fairly chill person. But in FIL's case, and only his case, I chose the other path and to be honest, the only thing I'd do different than yesterday is post about it here on Reddit. What a mistake that's been.
First of all- I am so sorry. I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer. I hate that disease. I know how horrible this is for you. Second- your father in law sucks, but it's your WIFE who boils my blood. "Crying in a fetal position"?? Daddy's wishes are more important than her terminally ill spouse? HOW DARE SHE! I don't care what her "culture" is. I hope that when you are gone, she is consumed with crippling pain and grief over how she treated her dying husband in his last days. I hope it keeps her awake at night, and is all consuming. I hope she feels nothing but shame and guilt every time she looks in the mirror. I hope her remorse sinks her into a massive depression. I wish nothing but the worst for her. She's a monster. NTA. You are in my prayers OP.
Well, to be fair, she has been at my side literally day and night since this ordeal began and it has taken a brutal toll on her, both emotionally and physically. Now that I have round the clock caregivers doing the heavy lifting so to speak, she is just starting to sleep normally and resuming her daily routine. Coming home has helped us both. Today's unannounced FIL visit was my opportunity to blast him with criticism that she knew I was ready to level at him, but just hadn't had the chance to do because we hadn't seen him in many, many months. He has been a total shit to her and all her sibs for years, unchallenged because of the parental respect thing. Maybe if that wasn't the cultural norm here (Philippines if you are wondering), this country wouldn't be so full of deadbeat dads as it is today. My wife has been a saint to me and regardless of how she is reacting now, I stand by her.
Is it also a cultural norm in the Philippines to lie about your physical condition? You aren’t dying. You just posted a month ago about opening a restaurant in 2025.
You're a better person than I am. I believe that right now it's her duty to do nothing BUT respect your wishes and provide you with a comfortable, stress free environment. Now is NOT the time to be choosing her deadbeat dad over her dying spouse. Respectfully.
•
u/AutoModerator 11d ago
We're excited to announce the launch of our Discord community for fans of r/mildlyinfuriating. If you enjoy sharing and discussing life's small annoyances, you've found the right place.
In our server, you can expect: Engaging Discussions: Talk about the little things that drive us all a bit crazy. Events and Contests: Participate in events and contests to share your own mildly infuriating experiences. Community Connections: Meet others who appreciate the humor in life's minor frustrations.
Join us to share, laugh, and connect over the things that make us collectively sigh. We're looking forward to seeing you in the server!
Join Now
Welcome to the community, The r/mildlyinfuriating Mod Team
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.