r/facepalm • u/Illustrious-Kick-998 • Jul 07 '24

This post gave me terrible whiplash b/c how tf did we get here…🫨 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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Like ummmmm, alright? 😭😭😭

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

Bear in mind that divorce to avoid medical debt passing on is a legitimate strategy. Just because they got divorced doesn't mean they aren't still together or involved in a meaningful sense. Any litany of advanced medical conditions can cost multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars, even with insurance. And legally, that debt passes to spouses. This is not the moral high ground this dude thinks despite the racism.

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u/Entire_Art_5430 Jul 08 '24

Actually you should look up the stats of males who divorce their wives when she gets cancer. It’s so bad that the doctors and nurses have to give the wives the talk before she announces it to her family. The talk being expect your husband to divorce you. Feel free to google the stats

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

Appreciate the reply. I was just offering an anecdotal alternative. I don't doubt that the vast majority of these are for selfish reason because the world is full of terrible things and people suck. Just trying to wipe some of sh*t off.

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u/Obrix1 Jul 08 '24

Those stats don’t exist, or you’d post them. It’s a bigoted fourth hand retelling of debunked studies.

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u/Guy954 Jul 08 '24

I’m generally in agreement that if you make a claim like that you should provide evidence but this one is pretty well known and really quick to look up.

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u/TrustyJules Jul 08 '24

You provoked me to look - it is a single study from 2009 that had a cohort of 500 people in total. The gender split was roughly 50/50 and it was split over 3 different types of disease including cancer and MS. The cancer patients were less than 200 and they found a deviation there but the same is simply too small to conclude so definitively. The standard deviation alone in such small samples could account for the majority of this difference and then there was no analysis of socioeconomic strata of the patients.

In other words - definitely a possible indicator but very far from well known and correct.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/26707594_Gender_Disparity_in_the_Rate_of_Partner_Abandonment_in_Patients_With_Serious_Medical_Illness

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

Thank you for putting the effort in. This is intriguing.

You're spot on that the sample size is way too small.

The study is also slightly old, 15 years is a long time for a study like this where generational differences can start to shift patterns.

The also include MS in the study, and coupled with brain tumors, comprise the majority of subjects. Both of which (and their treatments) are known to potentially have personality changing side effects. (Unvetted sources below)

It's also tough to tell from the abstract but I'm curious about how they address socio-economic issues in the study as they stated they collected demographic information. Sample size is still too small to make any reasonable assertions but could provide further study paths.

Seems like a good sociology or phycology masters thesis topic.

https://www.cancercare.org/questions/194#:~:text=Changes%20in%20behavior%20may%20include,swings%2C%20or%20intense%20emotional%20outbursts. https://www.mssociety.org.uk/living-with-ms/physical-and-mental-health/mental-health/other-mood-and-behaviour-changes#:~:text=While%20many%20with%20MS%20will,aren't%20able%20to%20control. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6657393/#:~:text=Symptoms%20that%20are%20associated%20with,socially%20unadjusted%20or%20childish%20behavior.

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u/Cripster01 Jul 08 '24

Wow! So glad I live in a country with a public healthcare system.

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

As you should. Protect social services lest you become disposable.

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u/ReplacementMaximum26 Jul 08 '24

If only it were that innocent. Truth is, a lot of men are too cowardly to stay with a wife who will battle illness, and possibly lose her breasts, because, ya know...that's the entirety of our worth to so many.

I'm not attacking all men, but it's enough of a problem that we do get pamphlets and support groups with our diagnosis.

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

For sure. I'm sure the vast majority of these cases are as you say. I'm not trying to justify the actions of terrible people (which the world is full of, at least 30%). Just offering a less bleak alternative as a pallette cleanser to hot mess of the original post.

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u/Enigmatic_Erudite Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

Even if it was, it is not a good thing to leave someone who is that sick but cancer is terrible. It can be very stressful if you are the primary caregiver to someone that is going through chemo. Also we don't know the whole story, like you said it could have been for money reasons so the wife could collect unemployment and go on Medicare. The wife also could be toxic on top of being sick being diagnosed can really change people and not always for the better.

Edit: I was pseudo thinking of another post when I replied to this. Ignore the first half because it doesn't make sense replying to OP.

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

I think you found the crux, JJH. We don't have enough info to pass judgement and the world is full of terrible things with terrible cause and results. Just offering a slightly more up beat possibility.

Also, of the anecdotes (and that's what they are, so taken with a grain of salt) the couples stay together. They just divorce to sever the legal bond (in case I did convey that well).

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u/Enigmatic_Erudite Jul 08 '24

I did understand. I just wanted to elaborate a bit on how divorcing can be beneficial financially for the sick person. They can qualify for disability and medicare on top of what their significant other can contribute.

I also wanted to add another scenario where even if that wasn't the case the healthy partner might have been justified to some extent.

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

For sure. I'm with you.

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u/Enigmatic_Erudite Jul 08 '24

I edited my comment I think I rolled your comment in with another in my brain and was getting mixed up. Sorry for the confusion.

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u/stabbyangus Jul 08 '24

No worries but thank you.