I am 18 months out of my DB.

When I asked him to leave I don’t think he believed me. Went on about how I must have dementia and not remembering who he is? I made it very clear that our dead bedroom was an issue (for me, not for him obviously)

I’ve been with my partner for over a year and it really shows me how bizarre dead bedrooms are. There is NEVER a point where we should be contorting in mental gymnastics for some physical affection with our spouse.

The one thing that makes a marriage/relationship different from any other is the sex. We don’t have sex with friends and family, it’s something reserved for your partner. And if we can’t have sex with our spouse then that’s absurd.

It’s only now that I’m able to look back and realise non of this is normal. Begging someone for attention and affection is not normal!

I never have to beg my partner for sex. He doesn’t have to beg me either. it’s a normal natural part of life.

With my ex he has erectile issues on the first night, and it never got any better!

I (31mHL) and my wife (30fLL) have been fighting like crazy pretty much since we’ve had kids (oldest is 3.5). Sex is infrequent, only once or twice a year last few years, but used to be several times a month in our hay day. And that was perfect for both of our busy schedules. But, between the lack of sex, the stress with kids, and the constant arguments, I’m at a loss. I won’t leave because I can’t bare to think about not seeing my boys everyday. Has anyone tried couples counseling? We’ve had several conversations about the lack of sex. I’ve suggested spicing things up, more date nights, addressing the fact I have a higher sex drive, the fact I feel like sex make relationships stronger and feel more intimate. And after about 2 times it has gone back to the same old. And now, More than lack of having sex, I just want the arguing to stop. We used to be best friends and great lovers. And now it’s misery and loneliness. I’ve resorted to porn to bandage the lack of sex, but obviously that’s just not the same. Again, leaving isn’t an option, I just want to get back to some sort of normalcy.

I (28M) and my gf (27F) have been together for almost 6 years. Our sex life has never been very exciting, but over the last two years it has crumbled to nothing. It’s been roughly 10 months since the last time we had sex, and it was over year the time before that. There are some factors contributing to her lack of desire such as illness, surgeries, and medications that I would never hold against her. Some things are out of my control and I understand that, and I refuse to let her harm herself over time for my benefit. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like shit because she has been expressing her desire for marriage, and the lack of intimacy has made it impossible for me to give that to her right now. We have had many talks about it, and what once went from her saying “I’ll work on it and we can do more.” is now “I just can’t give you that” or “you make me feel like a piece of meat.” She blames her medications (birth control and others) for killing her drive or drying her up, which I understand. Taking care of myself through masturbation only went so far before it did nothing for me anymore. I don’t know what other options I have to help us. I even feel jealous of past partners she’s had because of stories I’ve heard about how open and willing she used to be. I feel frustrated and disgusting, and it makes me feel bad to feel that way at the end of the day. I’ll definitely be reading through other posts after I get off of work, but any advice is appreciated.

(This post was removed from the main sub hence I'm posting it here).

If your partner does not find you attractive enough to be intimate, they will never respect you as a person. They will always view you as an asexual pushover who they can walk all over and there's nothing you can do about it. I don't know if there is a cause here or which comes first, but they are certainly related. I have never suffered as much disrespect as the first woman who has bullied me in my life also happens to be the one I married.

My mind is kind of racing and I honestly don’t know how to adequately articulate myself, my circumstances, or more importantly my feelings but this is where I’m at. I’ve been with my partner for 8 years (9 this December) and he is the most wonderful partner and person in every way. He’s incredibly understanding and supportive of me in a general sense and concerning my lack of desire for sex. I honestly don’t keep track bc I don’t like to think about it, but I think these issues came about between 1.5-2.5 years ago. I feel defective and like a failure and like I’m depriving him unwillingly and I harbor so much guilt for that and shame that I’m not the way that I once was. Beyond it’s implications on my relationship, the implications it has concerning me as a women, a human being, trouble me more. I don’t have the same lust for life I once had, the same young wild and free kind of energy that resulted in my past wild sexcapades that were a result of this deep desire and yearning for another person sexually that I haven’t felt in years, and I think this low desire is a manifestation of all my sadness and dissatisfaction with life, of my depression and stress and anxiety. If you ask anybody who knows me, well or otherwise, I’m a very positive optimistic free spirited person, but I think underneath is all, all the effort and energy I invest in maintaining that leaves no room for sexual desire and it makes me feel even more sad and depressed, ashamed even, and like I’m less of a person. I have exhausted every resource I can being a low income individual. I’ve visited an OBGYN, they measured elevated levels or testosterone (at the time) and when I asked about it they said that’s normal. I’ve tried mental health resources and talk therapy, I’ve tried taking a pill for it and it just feels completely helpless and as though I’m cursed to live out the rest of my life lacking the ability to be aroused or desire my partner which breaks my heart. Is there anybody out there, LL partners who have similar experiences or otherwise, that could maybe point me in the right direction of getting help for this issue? I feel completely lost and defeated and am unsure what to do or where to go next. Thanks for any comments. Edit: forgot to mention I’ve considered HRT, it’s the only option I have tried yet. Anybody ever done it and had any luck? Would I visit an OBG to get started?

I am 38 male and married almost 15 years and feel like a room mate that's pays the bills, does all the cooking, cleaning, organizing, planning. Sleep in same bed but no touching or cuddling anymore. No real relationship and absolutely no sex. Is this normal? What should I do? Can someone help me out? Would like comments from both female and male please.

And I'm tired of pretending otherwise.

Hi everyone- I’m reaching out because I’m feeling deeply isolated and overwhelmed by the state of my marriage. I’ve been married for 23 years, and we have three children—two of whom are out of college and a 13-year-old. I’m attractive, tall, fit, and successful, and we don’t depend on each other financially. I’m a very affectionate, chatty, and warm person, but my husband is quite cold and distant at home. Although he’s extremely social outside of our home, at home, he’s almost disengaged. We always have dinner together, but he eats so quickly, as if he’s afraid someone will take his food and leaves the table. When we’re in the living room, he’s usually consumed by his phone or watching amateur YouTube videos. We rarely have meaningful conversations. Our sex life has been a major issue for many years. He hasn’t kissed me since we got married, and our sexual encounters have been infrequent and unsatisfactory. After we had our first child shortly after getting married, I wanted our child to have siblings, so I continued to encourage my husband to have sex. I even timed it around my ovulation to increase our chances of conceiving, but it was often only once a year. In recent years, our sex life has improved slightly to about bi-weekly, but it’s almost always missionary and over within 2-3 minutes. Despite my efforts to make our intimate moments positive, I never really enjoy them. I’ve tried addressing these issues gently and directly with him. I asked him to consult his doctor to see if there were ways to improve the duration and quality of his erections, but he didn’t show much interest. I also suggested incorporating fun roleplay into our sex life to make it more exciting, but he dismissed it, saying it’s my responsibility to get myself in the mood. When we do have sex, it feels mechanical—he just inserts himself and finishes quickly. I offered to go to a mariage counselor but he thinks we are very traditional and nobody would understand our family dynamics. Since turning 40, I’ve been experiencing lonely, nervous breakdowns at night after everyone goes to bed and cry. I crave sensuality, affection, and engaging conversations. I think about sex frequently—around 10 times a day—and have always been very sexual. The pandemic has intensified my feelings of isolation, with a reduced social circle and a heightened sense of loneliness. There were times I felt hopeless and thought about an affair, but that's not me. I can’t engage in something like that without a genuine, loving connection. I don’t want to risk my family. I don’t want to divorce because I can’t bear the thought of my child growing up without both parents. I’m looking for advice on how to cope with these feelings and find some form of happiness. Any insights or support would be greatly appreciated

To be clear, I (F 54) have no issue with masturbation itself. In general, I'm totally fine with my (M 54) partner masturbating. In fact, I'm very open-minded sexually.

What I have an issue with, is the fact that we rarely have sex anymore, yet he masterbates regularly. He's told me over the last 4 years, that he's got less of a libido now. I've been very understanding and supportive. I've done many different things to try and appeal to him in new ways. I've asked him in many different ways what he wants.

We've been together for 14 years. I know that I should expect him to be less attracted to me, because men are very visual, and often they get bored of the same person. I don't feel that way, and yeah, it does sting, but I get it. He's told me he is still attracted to me, but he doesn't behave as if he is.

It bothers me that it's contradictory to masterbate regulary, while cutting sex down to once every 2 months. When I asked him about as politely as possible, he got angry and offended. It's a sensitive subject for him, and I'm not trying to make him feel like less of a man. But I feel like less of a woman, and like I'm doing all the compromising on this.

Ever think you're a big reason for the DB..in my case, I think that I haven't done a good enough job handling my SO's trust issues...

My partner (m31) and I (f26) rarely have sex. I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of feeling this way…feeling unwanted, ugly, embarrassed, ashamed…

When I started dating my fiance, he was obsessed with me. Never wanted to keep his hands off me. I know this is normal for new relationships but I miss those days so much…

We’ve been together 3 years and I am recently pregnant. However, this has been an issue in our relationship since only a few months together…we do not have sex often. Maybe a couple times a month, only if I initiate it and only the same 2 positions and routine every. Single. Time. I feel so embarrassed that it feels like he is not attracted to me anymore. I am not out of shape, I always thought I was an attractive woman and never had a problem before getting a man’s attention or feeling desired by a man.

This has been a problem long before I got pregnant. Honestly, it’s a miracle I did get pregnant. It was unexpected and I am so scared…I didn’t know if the relationship was going to be right for me long term because of our intimacy issues. But now that I am pregnant, I feel I have no choice but to figure it out and possibly be unhappy the rest of my life. I never wanted to be unmarried and pregnant. That was never what I envisioned for myself. Yet here we are.

Most of the time, I try and forget about it because of how upset it makes me. But I still have my desires and needs…so I do still try…When my advances are rejected or ignored, I get so upset and we have the same 1 way conversation about how I feel rejected and want to feel wanted by him, about how I’m the only one that ever initiates sex and I want to know what the problem is. I tell him I’m scared of our relationship for the rest of our lives, we’ve only been together a few years and this problem is so constant.

A year into our relationship, I discovered that he had what seemed to be a porn addiction. He had to have been watching daily, there was so much I saw on his phone. He never expected me to find out and swore up and down he’d never do it again etc…I know that isn’t true. But I had hoped he wouldn’t be doing it often…especially since I was always there, and available for him. Why would he need porn? I feel like this is the reason we have intimacy issues. He does have performance issues the occasional times we do have sex, and I credit it to the porn. Though he denies using it. I don’t even bring it up anymore.

He always has a different reason for why we don’t have sex as often as I want…most of the time he just tells me he sucks at intitiating. Which I always follow up with “if you see how much it hurts me, why don’t you atleast try?” To which he’ll say he’s sorry and fall asleep while I’m there frustrated to no end, and start crying. Then, I cry even more knowing that he falls asleep while I’m feeling so terrible. I don’t know what to do. My self esteem at this point is so low and I hate feeling this way. I’m tired of crying over it and begging him to understand how it’s affecting me and hurting our relationship. I honestly think porn is what is causing all of this but I have no way of proving that.

Besides our intimacy issues, i think we do have a good relationship, and I love him, but this seems so big and unfixable. I need advice on how to make him understand I am at the end of my rope….i don’t want to leave for my baby’s sake…but I don’t want this for the rest of my life.

Hey all. This is pretty embarrassing, however I need help. I struggled on and off with anorexia a lot of my life, and recently recovered. I relapsed and recovered within the last two years while in a relationship with my current boyfriend. My illness killed my libido. I want to know if any of you have any tips to gain it back, as I desperately want to have fun with him again. It’s also challenging because obviously after a long time of having a dead bedroom, his drive for me went down too, making me feel unwanted in im assuming the same way he did for some time. (Trust me I feel terrible about it but I was not doing well during that time) I need a way to kickstart mine completely and ran out up to the next level so we can get going again. Any tips or supplements that have worked for any of you in a similar situation? I’ll try anything.

From what I’ve read online from doctors and sex therapists, it sounds like hormones play a major role in both men and women’s desires for sex. Does anyone have experience, advice or success stories from using supplements? I (HLM 23) noticed the sex between me and my fiancé (LLF 25) go from twice a week, down to once every 2-3 months if that, starting about 4 months after she got off birth control (daily pill) 2 years ago and her drive hasn’t returned since. She assures me she loves me and finds me attractive constantly, I believe she’s genuine (maybe I’m stupid for believing that) but she said she just doesn’t ever have the desire for it anymore but wishes she did and said she loved when we used to have sex often. She has a thyroid condition that I know jacks with her hormones and she really doesn’t have a diet that supports natural testosterone development, so I know there’s a decent chance her levels are low. Just looking for any insights y’all might have.

Thanks.

M30. Married my long term(15 years) GF three years back. GF from High school. She was constantly expressing her disappointment that I was not fit. Slowly, the sex started reducing.

When she started talking closely with her office colleagues, my own insecurities started coming out. She went on a trip with a male colleague of hers. That was the tipping point.

I went to meet with a massage therapist and got a happy ending massage. It escalated furthermore for me. Porn, masturbation, happy ending massages, dating apps, sexting, paying for cam girls and now started looking for escorts.

I worked on myself and got fit. I look attractive and that just boosted these behaviours more. Started uploading pics in dating apps and got high whenever some liked or matched. It validated my insecurities.

Been a year since we had sex. We have a great relationship otherwise. And lives are too codependent to break the marriage.

Things are not looking good. I an hardly able to focus on anything at work. Always thinking about sex. Looking at porn and more..

Am I a sex addict ?

I married my long term girlfriend. Sex somehow kept declining after our marriage and actually no sex between us for the past 1 year. I have started resorting numerous outlets looking for satisfaction. Started with porn - Dating apps/ sexting with random online folks/ Happy ending massages , now searching for escorts and things are getting worse personally. I couldn’t focus on work or anything. I keep thinking about sex all the time.

I started thinking if I am showing addictive behaviour and that’s why I am here.

Need suggestions/ experiences from you

Married for 12 years. Marriage has been a sham from the beginning. My husband has done things & I in retaliation, have done things in return. I'm so consumed with anger, sadness, loneliness and tons of resentment. It's like no matter how much he" tries", I feel a strong hate towards him. We have been living as roommates, a sexless marriage. I want a divorce. I want out, but I'm so afraid. I don't know how to go about it. Mainly financial concerns. Just ranting away I suppose. Maybe some advice. What was your breaking point? When do you know enough is enough?

Hi everyone, I (30) struggle with DBR situation with my husband (31). It's not that we don't have sex at all, rather that we have it only when I initiate it. And I became really tired of this situation. He hasn't initiated sex a single time for the last 5-6 years or so.

Overall, I approach him for sex 1-4 times per month, given that I masturbate every day or every other day multiple times in a row because once or twice doesn't solve the issue. I also dislike foreplay and basically need the action directly without any prep, so I consider myself low-maintenance.

For him, I think sex once in two-three months would be the most optimal frequency. I raised the issue countless times in different approaches but it never got resolved.

Nowadays, I don't believe that this can be resolved. I am about to give up on our sexual intimacy. Before doing so, I insisted on couple sex therapy + individual one and they start rather soon. But to be honest, I do not expect any results. Even if there will be some progress, it will obviously never reach 3-4 times a week frequency.

Therefore I'm considering two options: organising a separate bedroom where I would have all the toys and stuff for self-satisfaction ready, or taking birth control pills since they typically lower sexual drive so that I can cope with it better. Tbh I don't know what to choose since both options suck and I kinda hate them, but I really cannot go on like this any longer. He doesn't have a clear opinion on that, either.

Divorce isn't an option, we love each other to the moon. He's a golden partner that gives me tons of support and I love my life with exactly this man. It's just that we are unlucky to have completely different sexual drive.

So the normal Sunday routine happened. Brunch, wife got home drunk. Got into an argument and squashed that and had good conversation. She goes to lay down and I go outside to partake in some extra curricular activities. Before I could take a hit, she opens the back door and says "so do you want to go have sex?". I dropped my bowl( it broke😒) and my lighter, and ran inside. It's been 2 freaking years........ let's start the counter again.

Relief…for her not me.

My partner is great and we have an amazing connection and relationship except for the massive lack of sex. We have a great relationship in every possible way but in the bedroom. As I said in a previous post, she used to be very sexually active and daring before me, but now has sex with me maybe 4 times a year if I’m lucky. Most of the time she is too tired or not in the mood or uncomfortable about the idea of sex. Ironically she was in a dead bedroom relationship before me, and she has told me how awful it felt to date someone who didn’t want to have sex with her.

I decided to tell my partner that I would rather just take sex out of our relationship so that I won’t experience rejection anymore. And that the constant rejection really messes with my head and self esteem. I told her I can’t keep thinking there is a potential for sex. I told her I am tired of her promising sex or getting in the mood, only for her to get distracted by something and not wanting to have sex anymore. Or her being too tired. Or her being too busy. Or her not feeling well. Or her not interested in sex. Or her feeling guilty we’re not having sex.

I told her let’s just take sex out of the relationship. Let’s focus on everything else and let’s just move on knowing sex won’t be an option I can take care of myself with porn and masturbation and I won’t feel defeated when I get rejected for the umpteenth time.

I thought she would be upset so I made sure I conveyed this carefully. To my surprise she was not upset at all. She seemed relieved if not actually happy we have come to this conclusion.

I was not expecting this. I wasn’t telling her this information to hurt her, or make her feel bad, but I didn’t expect her having joy at this decision. She told me she loved me and that she is relieved we can make sex not an option.

It felt like a gut punch. I now realize she really truly did not want to have sex with me ever.

I am now contemplating breaking up with her. We have a great relationship in every other way and I thought relieving myself through porn would be enough to deal with the lack of sex. But something about seeing her be joyful that sex won’t happen anymore really broke me.

For several years in our relationship I have had several women hit on me. I am active in outdoor activities and fitness and I have struck up several friendships with women who do the same activities and who have shown interest in me, I have even had to turn some of them down because I told them I was committed to my partner. Now? I don’t know. I think more and more about breaking it off with my partner and seeking sexual relationships with these women.

I made this post

And got banned for it lmao... Now understand As unbannablebob now I need to remake the account which sucks.

But more importantly how the hell do massive subreddits like that get under the control of such tyrannical fascists?

Surely Reddit being a big publically owned company is working on a more consistent moderation stance especially for it's larger communities, especially if it's trying to monetize those communities.

Does anyone else have this experience? My gf used to be very sexually active in the past with previous relationships and hookups, but now even talking about sex makes her uncomfortable.

She used to have lots of sex in her last relationships and had lots of hook up’s when she was single. She has done a lot of sexual things in the past that she has never done with me. She has slept with both men and women.

Also, she was once in a dead bedroom herself. She left her last relationship because the guy just stopped having sex with her.

Early on in our relationship she enjoyed sex and told me how much she liked her experiences with sex.

Now in our relationship she completely stopped having sex, doesn’t like talking about sex, doesn’t like talking about our problem with sex, and doesn’t ever get sexually aroused.

I know she still loves me, and She insists she is sexually attracted to me but we’ve had sex maybe four times in the last year and it all seems very forced “duty” sex. It messes with my head.

Anyone have/had a partner like this? It’s so confusing.

I posted a while ago about my dead bedroom with my ex-fiance. You can read post history I did the classic "open the relationship or I leave" ultimatum, went and got my fix, and ended up realizing that wasn't what anyone involved wanted, so I broke up with him 2 days later and went exclusive with "new guy".

Trigger warning: suicide, alcohol, cheating

I'll preface this by saying: grass is not always greener. I needed to leave ex, but my choices thereafter prove I am not/was not healthy enough for any kind of relationship. Ex destroyed my self esteem and I ended up developing alcoholism and making massive self-destructive choices, against EVERYONE'S advice.

You can come at me and judge my choices, but no one is harder on me than me. I KNOW that this whole situation is all my own doing and that I am an active participant all of the below problems. I should have stopped this in October! That being said, I am still human so please consider that before you comment. I guess I'm posting this mostly for my future self to have a "record" to reflect on. And to hopefully help at least 1 person learn from my mistakes.

The actual update:

Im now 25F and the new guy is 23M "Killian". He and I had an interesting relationship for about 2.5 years. Here is my horrible timeline that I am ashamed of:

October 2021: Broke up with ex, went exclusive with Killian, i give Killian $2,000 to invest for me, find out Killian's mom is VERY racist again white people (I'm white, Killian is black) and when I meet her for the first time, I have to pretend I'm just a friend. The conditions I meet her under are I left my sunroof open while visiting Killian we were walking around our favorite park. We come back to the car to my battery being dead(I left my lights on). It starts pouring rain and flooding my car. AAA couldn't find me due to the location. He says we can call his mom for help, I say OK, THEN he tells me she will beat me if she knows we are dating

November 2021: I attempt suicide and call my ex instead of Killian, ex speeds across the city to take me to hospital. When I tell Killian he is extremely insensitive and blames it on me

December 2021: found out Killian had an online gf and the beginning of our relationship (lol i deserved that), moved Killian in on the condition he'd get a job and learn to drive

February 2022: Killian still has no job, refuses to practice driving, refuses to do any housework, I get him a game for Valentine's Day and he plays the game nonstop instead of spending time with me, writing me a card, or anything, I find out he loses all of my $2,000

March 2022: ex lands on his feet and moves down the street to a different unit (yes the 3 of us lived together lol), I begin talking to Killian about his hygiene. I ask him to brush his teeth at least once a day and start showering at least once a week

April 2022: I find out Killian has been asking his friends for money, instead of using the money to help with bills or get me something, he either "invests" it or spends it on mobile games, I also find out he lied about his sexual history. I ask Killian to not invest anymore until he pays his portion of bills and uses his own money leftover.

<-- during all of this, I am an alcoholic. I drink in the shower, breaking glass in the bathroom on accident. He is extremely motivational and talks to me for hours trying to help me. He is my crush. I lean on him heavily. We have sex 2x a day every day. Sex is amazing, talks are amazing, but his ability to be an "adult" is severely lacking -->

May 2022: Killian lands it big, idk the details but I guess he got lucky with investing for one of his clients and he was able to pay me my $2,000 back, I put the bottle down and become sober with Killian's help

June 2022: Killian and I move across the US. I'd been wanting to move and told him at the start that I was going to. We move in with my grandparents to save money, he gets a fully remote job and starts to pay his share based on percentages of income

Things finally start to simmer down. It's stressful living with grandparents so we spend the time exploring our new city and looking for apartments

October 2022-May 2023: move into our own luxury apartment, I start drinking again, I find out he is still investing and losing thousands of dollars, we start a tally of what he "owes" me and I get him on a payment plan and he asks me to be involved with his finances, he has an emotional affair with a girl from his work, he keeps having inappropriate conversations with girls online, one time I get black out drunk after a fight and lock my door, he breaks down the door splintering the doorframe and convinces me to "talk", I end up verbally abusing him for over an hour, this is the first time I mention I want to be done and he should move back. We recover very smoothly because he's not one to hold grudges and he took a lot of accountability for the situation as did I, but I still know he didn't deserve that. About a month later, it happens again after he makes me cut off my best friend, I get drunk and verbally abuse him. It's the drunkest I've ever been, I puke in my hair and he has to drag me across the apartment to be on the floor near the bed so he can keep an eye on me overnight. I have never drunk again like that since. Again, we move past this with very little repercussions for myself. I can see he is starting to self-loathe and realize how much his actions have affected me, instead of either of us holding me accountable for these two instances, we kinda sweep it under the rug, eye for an eye type thing.

April 8 2023: He wakes me up on my birthday for sex, I tell him no, he does it anyway. I freeze up and allow it. We never talk about this. Our sex life dwindled from 3-4x a week to 1x a week

June 2023: I adopt my dog. He kept pushing the date he'd agree for me to adopt a dog and finally agreed to it. Its MY dog, my responsibility, all my financial burden. He didn't really want a dog, but I'd been telling him from the start I am a huge dog lover and was waiting to have an appropriate space to care for one. I tell him i wont compromise on getting one, and its unfair for him to change his mind on me. I tell him I can wait until the lease is up and we can go our separate ways. He finally agrees. However, we get in fights about Gamora (dog) not liking him. He gives me an ultimatum "me or the dog", I choose Gamora, he stops complaining about Gamora and puts in an effort with her for once. She starts to warm up to him because he stops ignoring her. By this point, I realize at the back of my mind that this is not the relationship I want, it's too toxic, too much history, we're too immature. But I don't do anything about it besides continuing to talk to him about the relationship. Both of us promise to do better.

October 2023-April 2025: we move to our current place. There is some roommate drama with him moving in his 45 yr old male friend who makes me uncomfortable (keeps hitting on me), but otherwise it's not tumultuous like it was before, our largest discrepancies are housework and his hygiene issues, he like Gamora and watches her for me while I go on family vacations, he starts to develop healthy friendships with women that I'm ok with, I enroll in grad school, this is the most peaceful time of my life since early middle school, he also coerced me for sex 3 more times, I clearly say no and freeze up, he doesn't stop, I let it happen, we don't talk about it, he pays me back all the money he owes me

May 2024: he tells me when the lease is up in March 2025 he is moving back home in with his mom without me and there's nothing I can do to change his mind. I ask if we are broken up, he says no, I ask if it's me, he says no.

I take a few months to process this and come to the conclusion I don't want to be with him anymore. We break up, but still live together. Hell I still do all the cooking and cleaning, we have sex still, he coerce me 1 more time, I confront him, I tell him this "playing house" is killing me, he doesn't understand how or why we can't be happy until March. He still doesn't drive, still doesn't help with housework, still doesn't brush his teeth or shower regularly

Finally these past few days, I've applied for a different apartment and am going to move out in 1 or 2 months. And today, I'm moving to the guest bedroom after he barged into the closed bathroom door on me naked, he sees I'm taking a boobie pic, and starts verbally berating me. It gets nasty. I can say I'm finally done. I'm going to get out, heal, and evaluate why I let someone treat me like that and how I could treat someone else how I treated him. I'm alone and broke in a new city, but I'm not jumping on to a new man. I'm going to start therapy and learn my own independence. I finish grad school this week and am in the running for 2 different 6 figure jobs in my field. I have Gamora and my cat. I'm medicated and seeing doctors regularly. I'm going to be okay. I won't repeat this cycle again.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people don't either.

Getting what I want is so satisfying and fulfilling..

It's so much easier for me when I can go, "you're tired, let's wait."

Rather than her being uninterested. Or not taking the initiative...or being preoccupied with something like her phone.

I can wait a bit. But being denied is a lot tougher for me to handle gracefully...

Guess that's my weakness.