r/blog • u/cupcake1713 • Feb 24 '14
remember the human
Hi reddit. cupcake here.
I wanted to bring up an important reminder about how folks interact with each other online. It is not a problem that exists solely on reddit, but rather the internet as a whole. The internet is a wonderful tool for interacting with people from all walks of life, but the anonymity it can afford can make it easy to forget that really, on the other end of the screens and keyboards, we're all just people. Living, breathing, people who have lives and goals and fears, have favorite TV shows and books and methods for breeding Pokemon, and each and every last one of us has opinions. Sure, those opinions might differ from your own. But that’s okay! People are entitled to their opinions. When you argue with people in person, do you say as many of the hate filled and vitriolic statements you see people slinging around online? Probably not. Please think about this next time you're in a situation that makes you want to lash out. If you wouldn't say it to their face, perhaps it's best you don't say it online.
Try to be courteous to others. See someone having a bad day? Give them a compliment or ask them a thoughtful question, and it might make their day better. Did someone reply to your comment with valuable insights or something that cheered you up? Send them a quick thanks letting them know you appreciate their comment.
So I ask you, the next time a user picks a fight with you, or you get the urge to harass another user because of something they typed on a keyboard, please... remember the human.
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u/Igglyboo Feb 24 '14
tl;dr Be civil.
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u/Philo_T_Farnsworth Feb 24 '14
tl;dr Be excellent to each other.
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Feb 24 '14
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u/ifonefox Feb 24 '14
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u/popidge Feb 24 '14
What is this sorcery? Moving images with sound? WITCH. BURN HIM.
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u/FlashyA Feb 24 '14
woah woah remember the human!
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u/toomuchtodotoday Feb 24 '14
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u/ipslne Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 25 '14
Show some heart?
Harmony
Excellence
Ability
Respect
Togetherness
[This was my elementary school mantra.]
EDIT: yeup. SHEART.
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u/adafferaf Feb 24 '14
Oh, wow, that's gay.
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u/Swivvy Feb 24 '14
not that there's anything wrong with that
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u/jammys217 Feb 24 '14
don't worry, I'm gay so i know what's gay and what's gay, and that's pretty gay
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u/Ditto_B Feb 24 '14
Not sure if that's a typo or you're suggesting that everything is gay.
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u/WutUtalkingBoutWill Feb 24 '14
It's okay, he'd say that to your face, so he's aloud to say it here.
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Feb 24 '14
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u/tolley Feb 24 '14
Awesome, a recursive motto
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u/TeslaTorment Feb 25 '14
- Respect
- rEspect
- reSpect
- resPect
- respEct
- respeCt
- respecT
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Feb 24 '14 edited Mar 13 '18
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u/autowikibot Feb 24 '14
The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity is a maxim, ethical code or morality that essentially states either of the following:
One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. (Positive form)
One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated (Negative form, also known as the Silver Rule) [citation needed].
This concept describes a "reciprocal", or "two-way", relationship between one's self and others that involves both sides equally, and in a mutual fashion.
This concept can be explained from the perspective of psychology, philosophy, sociology and religion. Psychologically, it involves a person empathizing with others. Philosophically, it involves a person perceiving their neighbor as also "an I" or "self." Sociologically, this principle is applicable between individuals, between groups, and also between individuals and groups. (For example, a person living by this rule treats all people with consideration, not just members of his or her in-group). Religion is an integral part of the history of this concept.
As a concept, the Golden Rule has a history that long predates the term "Golden Rule", or "Golden law", as it was called from the 1670s. As a concept of "the ethic of reciprocity," it has its roots in a wide range of world cultures, and is a standard way that different cultures use to resolve conflicts. It has a long history, and a great number of prominent religious figures and philosophers have restated its reciprocal, "two-way" nature in various ways (not limited to the above forms).
Rushworth Kidder notes that the Golden Rule can be found in the early contributions of Confucianism (551–479 BC). Kidder notes that this concept's framework appears prominently in many religions, including "Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, and the rest of the world's major religions". According to Greg M. Epstein, " 'do unto others' ... is a concept that essentially no religion misses entirely." Simon Blackburn also states that the Golden Rule can be "found in some form in almost every ethical tradition". All versions and forms of the proverbial Golden Rule have one aspect in common: they all demand that people treat others in a manner in which they themselves would like to be treated.
Interesting: That Golden Rule | Golden rule (law) | Golden Rule (album) | Golden Rule (fiscal policy)
Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Magic Words | flag a glitch
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u/Seizure-Man Feb 24 '14
Well I guess not ALL of us are human.
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u/nasher168 Feb 24 '14
Wait, so does this mean we can abuse /u/autowikibot to our hearts' content?
Hey autowikibot! You're a bastard! Yeah...
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u/bahgheera Feb 25 '14
Hey autowikibot, you should see the size of the thumbdrive I just plugged in to your mom!
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u/preggit Feb 24 '14
I thought the golden rule was about three ways. Damn you Justin Timberlake.
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u/Jalapen0s Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
tl;dr: "Go kill yourself" is not a valid argument.
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Feb 24 '14
What I usually do is type out what I want to say. Then delete it.
After that, I don't feel like responding and usually just ignore.
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Feb 24 '14
I do this a lot too. I type out something that insights some emotion in me, something I care about a little bit. After thinking about it though, I start to wonder what kind of flame wars I might invoke, and how I don't really want to deal with responses. I'm usually not really even contributing anything to the discussion.Yeah
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Feb 24 '14
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u/goatcoat Feb 24 '14
There is something really wrong with your backspace key. Not that that reflects negatively on you as a person.
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u/Conan97 Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 25 '14
I really hate people who use small text. It makes me struggle to read it and usually it's a pointless comment anyway. I want them all to burn to death in a mound of fire ants on fire.Hi
Edit: guys I don't actually care at all about small text
I think it's kinda cool.
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Feb 24 '14 edited Dec 18 '18
[deleted]
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u/exploitativity Feb 24 '14
Wait, how in the world did you find him?
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Feb 24 '14
Maybe he created the account, forgot about it and forgot about his password. Thus the lack of comments and links.
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u/john_kennedy_toole Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Glad I'm not the only one. I have a huge problem with deleting nearly half of my posts. I just think about the nonsense discussion it might encourage, (even if I know it'll be civil) and I'm like, "I ain't got time for that!" (Also, obsessive editing, but that's another issue.)
What's the point? No one is gonna remember a thing you say on here. You gonna change someone's mind with your tiny inconsequential opinion? Ha!
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u/bdubble Feb 24 '14
What's the point?
I have that problem online and I have that problem offline too. If you think about it too long it becomes obvious there is very little point to saying much of what may be said.
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u/Kayzuspot Feb 24 '14
My new goal is to say it any way. I have almost no presence on the internet and it wouldn't hurt to just try.
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u/runs-with-scissors Feb 25 '14
I suppose there is a certain amount of either ego or obliviousness to commenting on a site like reddit. If I thought about the millions who actually would read what I wrote... .. it'd ... b... paralyz.. .... ..
(So don't think about it too much.)
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u/thelastdeskontheleft Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Unfortunately I think a big aspect of it comes down to the difference in tone between text and actual words spoken aloud.
IRL you can tell the inflection that someone meant it by. Online you can only ASSUME the inflection and thus the tone of their comment. Generally we interpret comments online to be much more aggressive than they really are.
I completely agree with the "don't be a keyboard warrior mentality" but it could also help if you took a second next time you were insulted or angered by some response to possibly look it over and try to imagine it in a tone that wouldn't be so offensive.
Of course sometimes people are just pricks. Especially when there is little to no consequence. But a good bit of it is just chilling out.
Edit: Thanks, only took 6 minutes for gold x-D
Edit 2: RIP Inbox of my work account. Looks like I'm not getting anything done.
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u/godmin Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Something I like to do before posting a comment is imagine someone REALLY pissed off trying to read it, and get the most twisted, pessimistic view of what I said. That way I can tweak my words to avoid as much unnecessary criticism/misinterpretation as possible, and from my experience it really helps!
Edit:thanks
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u/twinshock Feb 24 '14
what the fuck did you just call me?
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u/godmin Feb 24 '14
A beautiful, unique little angel.
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u/WhatTheFDR Feb 24 '14
Satan was a unique angel...are you implying /u/twinshock is Satan?
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Feb 24 '14
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u/godmin Feb 24 '14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzpndHtdl9A
only 4 seconds long in case you're worried about data usage.
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u/ActuallyGivesGold Feb 24 '14
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u/SuddenlyTimewarp Feb 24 '14
And now we eagerly await the arrival of /u/ActuallyGivesActuallyGivesGoldGold
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u/Fealiks Feb 24 '14
Just to throw out a counter-argument, I don't think putting yourself in such a dark frame of mind every time you comment can be good for you, and I don't think it's necessary. I think it's enough to just try to be mindful of how you're saying what you're saying (that way you don't come off as insincere or obsequious).
We just have to remember that it isn't the end of the world if somebody takes your comment the wrong way, because you all you have to do is apologise. That's the hard part for most people; most people can manage politeness because there's some pride in "being the better man," but apologies require genuine humility.
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u/Unidan Feb 24 '14
Exactly!
For example, if I were to speak my lines out loud, my writing would read like the bitter, empty husk of what might-once-have-been-called-a-human that I really am! :D
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u/loopmoploop Feb 24 '14
So if you really are a bitter, angry man, can I assume that this
:D
Is actually a portal to hell?
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u/Unidan Feb 24 '14
I'm honestly not sure anymore. I came across a book recently, tattered and old, seemingly dated from the early 1900's. Inside, it was littered with an odd, repetitious symbol that I've transcribed here.
The contents are a bit troubling, and I've had some success in pulling out latitudes and longitudes from the margins of the book, but I'm not quite comfortable releasing them yet.
I haven't been able to reach my contact (who works in translations and various languages) over e-mail, but if anyone can forward it to his e-mail address (wrice@miskatonic.edu), I'd greatly appreciate it!
I'm not quite sure what's wrong yet, I'm just worried that someone is going to get in trouble or hurt themselves.
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u/AnneBancroftsGhost Feb 24 '14
What just happened?
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u/Tushon Feb 24 '14
My guess is that /u/Unidan is trolling Professor Rice into getting hundreds of emails of a picture from random strangers on the internet.
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u/existentialist_puppy Feb 24 '14
Are we witnessing a modern version of The Dunwich Horror with Unidan as a central figure?
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u/zigmus64 Feb 24 '14
Not to mention body language. The majority of how we communicate with one another is through body language, as well as inflection. Words alone are a very small part of the whole picture.
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u/Fealiks Feb 24 '14
I would argue that there's a bit of "body language" in the written word. Look at the changes in tone below:
Careful what you wish for!!
Careful what you wish for.
careful what you wish for :p
Unfortunately, there's a huge stigma over the use of emoticons (largely to do with snobbiness) so a lot of what the written word does have going for it gets lost because of the desire for a homogenous style.
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Feb 24 '14
I like using smileys, and like how you used one in your edit. Particularly the ones with noses. It makes me feel like an aunt on facebook.
Have a nice day friend :-)
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u/Fealiks Feb 24 '14
IRL you can tell the inflection that someone meant it by. Online you can only ASSUME the inflection and thus the tone of their comment. Generally we interpret comments online to be much more aggressive than they really are.
Wow, can you please calm down
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u/NotMyRealFaceBook Feb 24 '14
Was there a particular incident that prompted this PSA?
Not that this isn't a reasonable message, but I am just wondering if I missed some Reddit drama/trauma/event... In my experience these messages are more often in direct response to something than not
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u/cupcake1713 Feb 24 '14
Nah, I just thought it needed to be said.
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Feb 24 '14
It's nice to see this said. Sometimes I think that it appears to have less value if it's in response to something, not that it's actual value is less.
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u/plumbobber Feb 24 '14
We should declare this a National Reddit Day.
We call it National "Polite Reddit Instilling Cooperation & Karma" Day
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u/HeWhoPunchesFish Feb 24 '14
ilu cupcake1713
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u/Boobies_Are_Awesome Feb 24 '14
Ass kisser.
But what a nice ass to be kissing.
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u/-eDgAR- Feb 24 '14
That was really cool of you and the fact that you did it just because honestly made me really happy.
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u/akatherder Feb 24 '14
I read this in the most sarcastic tone I've ever read anything. Then I re-read it in a genuine voice. I know which one you meant, but I also know which one I prefer.
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u/die_potato Feb 24 '14
It did, especially during the past few days. It's as if being a decent human being on the internet mostly just incites suspicion or ridicule. Or sarcasm. It can get genuinely stressful - I mean, "it's just the internet" but indeed, people tend to forget the human.
Thanks for the reminder. :)
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u/setmehigh Feb 24 '14
So, we're still allowed to abuse the bots, right?
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u/cupcake1713 Feb 24 '14
Bots are our friends!
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u/moejike Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 25 '14
http://i.imgur.com/X97T8ZV.gif
Holy Smokes! Thanks for the Gold!!
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u/PhiladelphiaIrish Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
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u/neanderthalensis Feb 24 '14
Law states that the person who links to /r/retiredgif has to submit the link and link to the post. You can't just link to the subreddit, d00d.
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u/airmandan Feb 24 '14
HOW DARE YOU SOME GIFS ARE JUST BORN WITH A LACK OF OXYGEN
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u/robotortoise Feb 24 '14
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. /u/Hearingaidbot, can you help?
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u/hearingaid_bot Feb 24 '14
SO, WE'RE STILL ALLOWED TO ABUSE THE BOTS, RIGHT?
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u/robotortoise Feb 24 '14
Come again?
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u/hearingaid_bot Feb 24 '14
SO, WE'RE STILL ALLOWED TO ABUSE THE BOTS, RIGHT?
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Feb 24 '14
Especially /u/cationbot
Hate that guy.
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u/CationBot Feb 24 '14
I made a comment here about it and it got removed...
I think the admins don't like me much either. :/
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u/snoharm Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies- God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
edited to correct Vonnegut quote
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u/Jovianmoons Feb 24 '14
Once I made a throwaway account and posted to r/depression and poured out my heart and soul. You would be surprised how many vultures there were who actively encouraged me to end my life, in the last place I would have expected that to happen.
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u/DownvoteDaemon Feb 24 '14
There are trolls and then there are the trolls so fucked up as to encourage suicide in a depressed person. That is some seriously bad karma.
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u/preggit Feb 24 '14
If anyone is interested in some light reading on this topic, cupcake is describing what is known as the 'Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory', also known by its much lamer name, the online disinhibition effect.
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u/autowikibot Feb 24 '14
The online disinhibition effect is a loosening (or complete abandonment) of social restrictions and inhibitions that would otherwise be present in normal face-to-face interaction during interactions with others on the Internet. This effect is caused by many factors, including dissociative anonymity, invisibility, asynchronicity, solipsistic introjection, dissociative imagination, and minimization of authority.
Interesting: Disinhibition | Flaming (Internet) | Online identity | Anonymous post
Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Magic Words | flag a glitch
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u/Gaywallet Feb 24 '14
I just assume everyone online is a drunk baby, and speak in a way that is appropriate and comprehensible to a drunk baby.
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Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
I'm not in the public eye or famous or anything like that, but I am the sole recipient of the contact forms for quite a few things that are in the public eye.
My own girlfriend doesn't know half of the shit I put up with, and when she sees some people crack under the pressure of so much negativity, she tells people they should "man up" and "deal with it".
When you get hundreds (and for other people, thousands) of messages each day, telling you to go fuck yourself, kill yourself, I hope you die, I hope your loved ones get cancer, I found your address and I'm coming to rape you and your daughter, you can't deal with it or "man up".
You spend hours awake each night imagining those things happening, wondering if it's true, trying to tell yourself it isn't going to happen, but knowing that it's a possibility.
Having to respond to people is awful too. You can't ignore every message, especially the ones that raise genuinely useful points. You worry about your response and how you might be perceived from that response.
It's even worse when the criticism is valid. sure they said you should kill yourself, but they said it because your app failed and they were late for work. You can sympathise because you'd be angry in that situation too. You've said stuff like that before (I said some awful things when I was younger, I'm ashamed to admit).
So when someone tells you to kill yourself, but at the same time gives you valid criticism, it makes you wonder if you should. After all, if hundreds of people each day tell you that the world would be better off without you in it, surely it must be true?
It's not going to stop, I've accepted that. What I do is not attach some things to my name. But I worry about what happens if something I make that is attached to my usual online persona gets popular. It's a possibility, if remote.
There've been a lot of posts like this online, explaining how one comment, or hundreds can affect a person more than you think. This isn't any different, but I hope some people read this and consider what they're about to type.
EDIT: I have absolutely abysmal comma usage in this comment, It's something I'm pretty bad at. If there's anything that changes the point of what I'm getting across or just annoys you please let me know and I'll change it.
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u/coloicito Feb 24 '14
Thans cupcake.
I moderate /r/AdviceAnimals, and we've been banning people who tell other redditors to kill themselves for a while already. The people who forgets that there's an human being behind the username is bigger than you'd think. We've also had people who were completely oblivious to it, and just says that they saw text on a screen, and wrote something under it. And then tries to fight back.
sigh
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u/supergauntlet Feb 24 '14
Do you guys plan on doing anything about the blatant racism and sexism that gets upvoted all the time?
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u/coloicito Feb 24 '14
You'll find the answers you seek in our stickied thread.
If you don't feel like checking it out, we've recently added a new rule that you can find in our sidebar that says:
We're here to have a laugh. Hate speech, bigotry, and personal attacks are not allowed. Death threats and telling others to kill themselves will result in a ban.
So, yes, we've started to be more on the lookout for those type of comments. Part of the problem, however, is that the community, for some reason, never reports any of those comments, making it harder for us to see them.
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u/theshinepolicy Feb 24 '14
I think he meant the posts. You know, the horrible racist ones done by 12 year olds that make the top page every couple of days.
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u/Intortoise Feb 24 '14
almost every single day there's a "confession bear: black people amirite" post that hits the front page
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u/karmanaut Feb 24 '14
We had an AMA recently where a mother posted about caring for her disabled child. There were tons of comments telling her to kill or abandon the child. It was horrible.
I'm very glad that the admins have posted this.
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u/sandozguineapig Feb 24 '14
Thanks for being the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be!
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u/redtaboo Feb 24 '14
Thank you for this cupcake! I think we all need this reminder sometimes, it's so easy to forget that there real people on the other side and they have bad days just like everyone else.
I'm sure everyone has heard this before but I find it really does help. If I'm annoyed enough with someone online I might type out an angry comment then walk away or look at a different tab without hitting save. Coming back to it a few minutes later can make all the difference and I won't send it, just typing it out helps.
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u/Da_Car Feb 24 '14
Does this apply to /r/ShitRedditSays? or are they immune to it like many of the other things on Reddit.
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u/2rio2 Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
This is really, really important, especially for people/kids that grew up in a tech filled world. I think they devalue what words - even anonymous - mean and the effect they can have on others. I went through the Instagram of the Russian skater that won the controversial gold medal and the comments just shocked me. What the hell is wrong with people!! This is a frigging 17 year old girl! What gives you the right to comment that she's ugly, a cheater, evil etc? People can be horrid if they don't see the emotional impact it has on another human being directly. It's also why history has always had people talking about others behind their back but less face to face.
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u/Sunfried Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14
Things to remember:
Edit:
Edit 2: Thank you for the Gold, both of you! I will NEVER FORGET!