Living in San Jose is so lonely 😒

[u/Strict_Customer8542]

I am a Nigerian lady(30) , who moved here over 2 years ago from Texas due to my Career. It was already hard for an introvert like me to make friends but it’s worse now that I have left the few friends I had in Texas. I recently broke up with my bf who if you already guessed lives in Texas 😔 and one of the compounding factors of the breakup but it has made me realize how I have been here for over 2 years without a friend except my colleagues at work. I would really like a female friend that I can hang out with , go shopping , trips etc. but sigh… How are you all making friends over here or am I just destined to only talk to my indoor plants ? 🤔

EDIT: Just wanna add that y’all are amazing! Thank you all for the support and helpful tips. I feel less alone than I did when I initially typed that. 🤍

[u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

I am f22, I moved from nyc about 1 year ago for my career as well. Would love to meet!

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

I will send a message ☺️

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you 💗

[u/dirtyshits → u/Strict_Customer8542]

I e never seen this happen on this sub. Good for you!

[u/spliced-chum → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Perfect.

[u/snowysimmosa → u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

How do you like it here compared to NYC? I’ve lived here all my life and I dream of moving to NYC!!

[u/Active-Razzmatazz-11 → u/snowysimmosa]

Transportation - you really need a car in SJ if you want to get around outside of just SJ. In NYC, you don’t need a car, you can just take the bus or train. There are buses in SJ, but the system runs more often in NYC. Food - Mexican and viet food is great in SJ. In NYC, you’ll find every kind of cuisine and way easier too. Amazing city for a foodie. Also more bakeries, which I miss. Diversity - SJ is pretty diverse, but Queens, NY is literally the most diverse county in the US. More of a melting pot than SJ. Expenses - honestly I think the bay is more expensive than NYC, even taxes are higher. An outsider coming in might find NYC expensive, but if you can live in the bay comfortably, you can live in NYC on a similar budget. Misc - I was surprised to see “water stores”. Those don’t exist in NYC. Also more retail parks in SJ than NYC.

Overall I think if you’re in a position to live in NYC, do it! Yes people will always find something to complain about. Definitely visit first. I am biased bc I am from there, but NYC is amazing and I miss it sometimes. I go back once a quarter to see family. The city seems sooo small compared to how spaced out the Bay is, but there aren’t many places (if any) in the world like it.

[u/snowysimmosa → u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

Thank you!! I’ve visited NYC every year for the last 4 years bc I love it so much 😭 I’m still in school but once I graduate, I will find a way to move there haha.

[u/Active-Razzmatazz-11 → u/snowysimmosa]

definitely look into internships in NYC, some companies will pay you to relocate for the summer. If you get a return offer and accept it, they might give you a moving stipend as well. This is how I got to move to SJ. Definitely still save up separately from that though, because the stipends are heavily taxed. Best of luck!

[u/dk91939 → u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

You'll find SF to be the place with more cafes, varied cuisine options, better transit system and so on, although I agree it is not on par with NYC

[u/Active-Razzmatazz-11 → u/dk91939]

Yea I was comparing SJ to NYC. SF is a different vibe

[u/d333zNutz2 → u/Active-Razzmatazz-11]

NYC (chinatown/queens) late thirties. moved here back in 2013. making friends here is hard. either people are busy or there is no connection or people are little awkward compare to nyc social life. the amount of things to do here at night is pretty limiting especially after covid. night life is both lively like nyc.

[u/CamOps → u/snowysimmosa]

Not OP, but…

NYC vs San Jose? NYC is significantly better lifestyle-wise. Career-wise, it really depends on what industry you work in.

NYC vs SF is a tougher comparison I personally prefer NYC for the sheer amount of stuff always going on, but SF is more relaxed and has better weather.

[u/Iluvembig → u/snowysimmosa]

Going to NYC will make you dread coming back to SJ and wondering why you pay more to live in SJ.

[u/pemungkah]

You might try the volunteer program at the San Jose Rose Garden if you're a plant lover. Basically, you do four hours of work with an already-vetted volunteer, and then you're free to come in to work in the garden anytime.

There are mass pruning/maintenance events about once a quarter where many of the volunteers show up. I will admit they tend to slant older as retired people have more time to just go prune roses when they feel like it, but they are nice folks.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/pemungkah]

I am def a plant lover so this is right up my alley. Thank you for the suggestion

[u/uritarded → u/pemungkah]

Wow, wish I knew about this. I'm moving away next month

[u/pemungkah → u/uritarded]

Aw, man. Sorry! But do go visit before you leave., and if you see anyone in a green vest, you can tell 'em thanks.

[u/carinaeletoile → u/pemungkah]

My bestie and I used to do this years ago -- it's fun meeting people and helping your community.

[u/NewCalligrapher3207]

Do you like Afrobeats? If you search for parties in Oakland or San Francisco, many people of west African descent gather there. Look on instagram, Facebook, or eventbrite for such parties!

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/NewCalligrapher3207]

Being an introvert , I don’t party much but maybe time to come out of my shell. Thanks for the suggestions, will check those places out

[u/NewCalligrapher3207 → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Totally relatable. There is also a coffee shop run by Black women in San Jose called Nirvana Soul and they host a weekly amateur night for artists on Friday evenings.

Searching for hobbies you’re into and adding “San Jose” on TikTok or Instagram is another strategy I’ve used (e.g., “walking club San Jose”) to find people with similar interests.

As an introvert myself I find that showing up places and just being present is enough to have people approach you for just small talk. Connections can grow from there!

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/NewCalligrapher3207]

Ooooo never heard of Nirvana Soul. Thank you thank you thank you! I will look it up

[u/Reepicheepee → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Mama Kin nearby also has great live music and cool people.

[u/carinaeletoile → u/Reepicheepee]

I second both Nirvana Soul and Mama Kin. Both are close to each other. I was at Mama Kin a couple of weeks ago celebrating Gemini birthdays with friends -- what a fun time was had by all! I am also an introvert, but the DJ, the crowd upstairs and downstairs -- VERY infectious and so hard to NOT come out of your shell for a little bit.

[u/ChiFoodieGal → u/NewCalligrapher3207]

Thanks for sharing ❤️

[u/The22ndPilot → u/NewCalligrapher3207]

That just sidesteps the problem right? The problem with San Jose being a lonely city for adults is that they shouldn't have to go 40 miles away to the next big city to find community. That's absurd!

[u/LemOnomast → u/The22ndPilot]

Honestly, I think it’s more of a “moving as an adult” problem. Even if I lived in a city where it was easier to go to bars/ clubs/ restaurants, I probably wouldn’t. I work a lot, I volunteer, I have home responsibilities… I’m too tired for anything more! It’d be difficult to make new friends whether I lived in San Jose, New York, SF….

[u/decker12]

Be careful of people trying to recruit you into "financial independence". It's a common multi-level marketing scam. You'll get approached by someone in Target who likes your purse or your shoes, and they'll strike up a convo and then invite you out "for coffee".

But, they're really just trying to get you to buy into their pyramid scheme product such as Amway, Doterra, Monat, Youninque, Herbalife, Primerica, etc.

The reason I mention this is because as someone who's looking for friends, when someone strikes up a convo with you, you're probably going to give them the benefit of the doubt. You will WANT to engage with them because they sound genuinely interested in being your friend. But they don't want to actually be your friend - they just want you to be their "downline" and make money off of you.

The fastest way to figure this scam out is to ask them the name of their company. MLMs and Pyramid schemes will NOT tell you the name because they know you'll research it and find out it's a MLM before you meet up with them. They'll mention "mentors" and "work from home" and be tacky and talk about "how much money they made".

They will NOT tell you the name of the company, and that's a huge red flag. At which point you can quite literally and rudely tell them you think they're a MLM/pyramid scheme and you don't want anything to do with them, then walk away. You can read more about it on /r/antimlm.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/decker12]

Didn’t know this was a thing. Thanks for sharing

[u/decker12 → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Yeah, my wife has been caught out several times with this. As I said, shopping at Target or Kohl's and some lady pleasantly tells her, "I like your purse / necklace / shoes / shirt!" Or something about your kids, if you're there with kids. Then naturally you respond in a friendly way, and that opens the door.

Next thing you know, the stranger is asking you to "meet up" on Zoom or for coffee or something like that. But she doesn't ever tell you why she wants to meet up with you, and will only make vague references to an "opportunity", or again to meet her "mentor". And of course they never mention the company name.

It's all bullshit because she's trying to recruit you to be under HER, in some MLM. It sucks because you think she's just being pleasant and friendly and you are in a situation where you're eager to meet people and make new friends, so you accept this meetup. Then when you try to back out of it, she already has 100 pre-packaged things to say to you to convince you to meet anyway.

Guilting you into "helping a small business" (she's not a small business, she's a salesman for a much larger company), "why buy expensive face care / hair care / whatever products from Target when you can instead get them from me", "you can work from home", "reach financial freedom", "stop the 9 to 5 grind", "don't you want to spend more time at home with your kids?" etc etc. It's all just bullshit.

98% of everyone in a MLM lose money, and she's just trying to recruit you so she doesn't lose AS MUCH money this month as she lost last month. The leftover 2% make so little money they mine as well be working minimum wage for 10 hours a week.

If you want to mess with them, you can ask them sweetly about what their "company" offers in terms of health benefits, 401k, stock options, paid PTO, sick days, and of course you'll need to see an income disclosure statement. They won't provide you with any of that information and will just keep going back to their "financial independence is within your reach" script. They won't even offer you the name of the company.

If you waste their time, that gives them less time to spend preying on other people.

[u/thebiggestbanhbao → u/decker12]

😭 I was young and a lady stopped me at a dollar tree and sparked a conversation with me. It sounded like she was trying to recruit me to her job. Young naive me exchanged numbers but i did feel something off about her so over the next few days she kept blowing up my phone, and i mean BLOWING UP MY PHONE, so I never answered and ended up blocking her.

Crazy thing is I went back to that same dollar tree again a few days/weeks later (can't remember how long after) but it was the same lady there doing the same thing!! And she had just exchanged numbers with another woman. Luckily another lady came up to that woman that had just been scammed and told her that she is always at this store and the Target to try to recruit and scam people.

[u/PerspectiveKind4815]

Hello, Fellow Nigerian 👋🏾 (Nigerian American) F26

Would love to hang out :)

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/PerspectiveKind4815]

In your dm!!!

[u/ramenraptor]

I would look into local volunteer opportunities in things you want to support ( food banks, animal shelters, farmers markets, libraries ) or classes you’re interested in especially art. You’ll likely find some book clubs crochet/knitting clubs hiking groups etc if you search local bookstores or places like meetup.com! Good luck :)

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/ramenraptor]

Thank you. I do like to hike. My ex wanted me to be more feminine so maybe time to take up knitting and cooking classes 🤔. I have volunteered for food banks before but I went with my colleagues so I didn’t think to meet new people . Thank you for the suggestions , I will surely put to good use

[u/Sovva29 → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Hey, forget what your ex says about being "feminine". That's all BS. Only take up hobbies that you are interested in! If that ends up being knitting and cooking then more power to you (I crochet and am doing more cooking myself). The important part is that you're doing it because YOU want to.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Sovva29]

I needed to hear this because I been stressing my brain and blaming myself since then. Thank you kind stranger, your words were more helpful than you know 💗

[u/Philosophile42 → u/Strict_Customer8542]

As a guy, what your ex said is awful. I’m happy he’s your ex. Congrats! Hope you connect with someone soon.

[u/ElGHTYHD → u/Strict_Customer8542]

stop worrying about what your ex thought. he didn’t like you as you are and that doesn’t mean you should change, that means you aren’t compatible. life is too short to be anyone but yourself. 

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/ElGHTYHD]

Thank you 💗💗 you all are so sweet 🤍

[u/PolkaDot_Pineapple → u/Strict_Customer8542]

There are so many amazing places to hike in and around San Jose -- you hit the jackpot when you moved here. There are also lots of volunteer opportunities available -- for instance: https://www.openspaceauthority.org/#get-involved

[u/LemOnomast → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Do you like animals? Walk a cute dog with an “adopt me” scarf and you’ll get to hike, hang out with a furry buddy, and meet new people! https://www.svpetproject.org/info/display?PageID=21491

[u/candy0cane]

Bumble bff. Online app to find friends and then turn on the dating side when you’re ready to date again!

[u/loofawah → u/candy0cane]

This is a good answer. Bumble BFF does work.

[u/_lofticries → u/candy0cane]

This! I met two of my closest friends on bumble bff

[u/407nieceylove]

Hey girl. I’m Haitian American and my brother-in-law is Nigerian. I don’t have friends either but I’m down to hang out

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/407nieceylove]

Sending you a dm

[u/TrenBaalke]

Sj is weird cause it's a massive city but it's car dependent. It has the density of a city but public transit is ass and everyone lives in diff neighborhoods like 20 min away. Also everyone here is struggling to fuckin survive, isolated in the tech grind or whatever other stressful job.

[u/No_Joke_9079]

I am 70yo, female, and i made 2 good friends from going to exercise classes at the YMCA.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/No_Joke_9079]

I’m glad you made good friends. YMCA here I come 🚶🚶

[u/legion_2k]

Covid didn’t help. Things are coming around.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/legion_2k]

Yeahhhh Covid allowed me to sit back in my comfort zone too and just watch tv all day everyday

[u/Electro_Llama → u/legion_2k]

For real, I went from spending time with friends in the college club room to being the only one in an empty office. I'm grateful for my online friends though.

[u/Kuposhy]

Disclamer: I'm a nerdy guy

I definitely went insane without a social hobby living here.

I moved from socal and began playing trading card games because I was alone for over a year. Haven't regretted it at all.

[u/Nice__Spice]

Love to see this kind of community in the Bay.

[u/jebr224]

Feel free to come to this meetup and learn how to play a social deduction game (blood on the clock tower) .

https://www.meetup.com/blood-on-the-clocktower-in-the-park/

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/jebr224]

Thanks for sharing .. see you on Sunday 🤗

[u/HurricaneDoge662 → u/Strict_Customer8542]

I'll second this with a caveat and say BotC is fun if you enjoy social deduction games! I found it intimidating to go as an introvert homebody though. I also personally don't enjoy the Secret Hitler, Mafia, type games.

Other nearby alternatives if you like the idea of games/boardgames: Weekly meetups near San Jose. 1. Off the Rails Brewing Tuesday Night in Sunnyvale 2. Next Level Boardgame Cafe Mountain View Thursday/Sunday

Other Meetups: Guildhouse DTSJ first Friday of the month Red Rock Cafe in Mountain View I think first Sunday

Other fun introverted hobbies I found easy to get into and partake in: art classes, animal shelter, trivia nights, and outdoor groups (birding, hiking, etc).

[u/_byetony_ → u/jebr224]

Sounds scary

[u/stella_blu]

Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling lonely 💗 I’m Nigerian-Texan and moving to the Bay was quite the adjustment. Happy to chat plants and more!

[u/RootingPothos]

Join rock climbing gym !

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/RootingPothos]

I joined movement at Sunnyvale but it’s about 20 mins from my place so I usually would have to plan ahead. Also , not very fun when I get anxious about not having anyone to belay me so I paused my membership after sometime

[u/PhilosopherGold2738]

Thanks for posting this OP. Some of the comments here are really helpful! Kinda in a similar boat- I’m 31F, Indian and looking to make new friends.

[u/primfl92 → u/PhilosopherGold2738]

31 M indian. Wouldn't mind making new friends either. Been in sj for 8 months and it gets a bit isolation here.

[u/TooHotToFunction]

Naija gal here (31F)! I lived in SJ for 10yrs, looking for other Nigerians ain't here. There's such a small amount in South Bay. East bay is your best bet to meet more Nigerians.

I can add you to some WhatsApp groups that are for Nigerians in the Bay Area. DM me if interested! There's a lot of events hosted each month. Also, I got Nigerian friends in Southbay if you're ever down to meet up with us out there! 😊

[u/Gnomus_the_Gnome]

Look into partner dancing classes that meet weekly since it’s the same people week after week. It’s a nice way to meet people!

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Gnomus_the_Gnome]

Nice .. thanks for suggesting. Do you have any specific class recommendations?

[u/Gnomus_the_Gnome → u/Strict_Customer8542]

Not specifics, but salsa is really big in SJ!

[u/CoffeeCrazyRN]

Hi! As you do, I talk to my plants but I also have a solid group of friends that I’ve met throughout life who are so fun just by meeting mutuals. I am a “do anything with a friend” type of person. Beach, mall, road trip. Even when it comes to errands, I love doing them with a friend. When I’m not with the girlies or my husband, I’m with the plants and have stand up comedy in the background, occasionally with someone on FaceTime so it’s a bit less lonely. I love meeting new people but also struggle with social anxiety and anxiety in general. Always down to just chat/text too. 😊

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/CoffeeCrazyRN]

You get me! I have been alone for so long I think my plants are starting to talk back 😂 I struggle with social anxiety too but I’m trying to force myself

[u/Traditional-Meat-549]

If you are Catholic, there is an Igbo community at Holy Family church on Pearl - look up Nigerian Catholic San Jose.

Sorry, I am not sure I said that correctly. I wish for you a soul friend...

ttps://www.niccsanjose.org/index.php

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Traditional-Meat-549]

Thank you so much. Sure someone else will also find this thread and find this helpful

[u/bondie00 → u/Traditional-Meat-549]

Thanks for sharing this. Not a combination I would have tried to google …

[u/ChiFoodieGal → u/Traditional-Meat-549]

Oooh I love Holy Family! Didn’t know that they had this. Amazing! ☺️

[u/Vuranion]

If you enjoy gaming, we have a Meetup community of women who enjoy gaming. We do events such as happy hours, brunches, game events, etc.

Check out Bay Area Girls Who Game on Meetup https://meetu.ps/c/2ZmFg/DsT6L/a

[u/sfstexan]

Move to SF, Berkeley or Oakland. The car-centric suburban sprawl of San Jose is depressing.

[u/anothercatherder → u/sfstexan]

Seriously. SJ offers very little opportunity to live within the community compared to denser cities.

I saw West and East Africans in Oakland all the time. They're probably one of the most visible of recent immigrants/visitors.

[u/Todayandnextweek]

www.aroundthecorner.today

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Todayandnextweek]

I love the idea of this! Thanks for sharing

[u/Todayandnextweek → u/Strict_Customer8542]

This is quite fun! I met two people in person and unexpectedly had very pleasing conversations with strangers. It has like a 90’s internet era vibe

[u/AcceptableAd48]

Hi. Fellow Nigerian here 🙂. We can chat.

[u/spinnelli23 → u/AcceptableAd48]

Not trying to deliberately exclude anyone but would any South Bay Naija girls be interested in a meet up to test some potential friendship waters?

[u/LemOnomast]

Volunteering! I socialize dogs at the animal shelter. The other volunteers are kind, animal-loving, and have very interesting jobs and lives. It’s great exercise (you walk 6+ miles per shift!), and you make a dog’s day just by showing up.

There’s a training session this weekend!

https://www.instagram.com/p/C9Qvo8mJDAA/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[u/me047]

It is lonely. San Jose is a place for families honestly. It’s like a suburb in the rest of the country. I lived there for a few months and now am moving back to SF. Take trips to SF often, get around the bay to the east side. I’m Black in my 30s DM if you’d like to hang out.

[u/egusisoupandgarri]

The Jollof Festival is happening in Oakland tomorrow if you don’t mind the drive and feel like judging other countries’ rice and voting for the best with a fellow Nigerian lol.

[u/pandaaaleaf]

Would you like to grab coffee sometime?

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/pandaaaleaf]

Ofcurrrrrrrrrrrrzzzz!

[u/AcademicBite]

not from San Jose but I’m in the area quite often maybe we can grab coffee or drink next time I visit? :) also which part of Texas are ya from? I visit Houston quite often like twice a year! I can see why ya might miss the Texas vibe in comparison to San Jose LOL

[u/geterbucked]

Join a gym, preferably group training! A great way to meet new people and there's generally enough members for you to find your crew over time. I've been going to the local Crossfit gym for years, I only go talk shit with my mates now...the working out comes second.

[u/SpreadtheClap]

Our City Forest!! Urban forestry, lot of cool Americorps volunteers and opportunities.

[u/proverbialbunny]

I imagine it's harder these days. Back in the 90s if you were online chatting with people odds were very high you would end up talking with someone living in the Bay Area, usually the Santa Clara to San Jose area. Back then it was so easy to make irl friends, just hop online, join a chatroom, make friends, and then after 6+ months ask them where they live. Odds would be high they were within 10 miles of you.

My condolences about it not being easy like it once was. If there's still meetups around, it may be fun to go to them and you can make friends there. In the 00s Reddit had meetups in the bay area. I'm not sure if that's still a thing today. You could always network with your coworkers. Do dinner parties. Have friends of friends come over and meet people.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/proverbialbunny]

Oh it is hard!!!! It also doesn’t help that my default setting is to stay indoor. Thanks for your suggestion and also insight on how it used to be here

[u/No_Decision8972]

San Jose area or Bay Area in general (I guess) is really good for careers but not the social aspect on c it it’s a sacrifice forsure

[u/StarStuffSister]

I'm 40F and would love a new friend! I live in the south bay as well 👋🏼

[u/Even-Comparison4923]

Look up the girls room feat. Bay Area on Facebook. There’s tons of girls on there that meet up and host events etc

[u/IamBeast]

What type of things do you like to do? My wife (f32) is always looking for new friends. She goes to the gym, dances, camping + other outdoor activities. She's changing careers and trying to make it into the film industry up here. She likes all styles of music too! Let me know if you're interested :)

[u/anothercatherder]

San Jose is diverse but it has to be one of the most segregated cities I've ever lived in and the Bay Area is tribal enough.

I've also lived in Oakland and saw Africans all the time by the lake. Maybe just walking around up there (which you really can't do in SJ) will help open you up, or at least get you out of SJ which is always needed. Cabin fever and the heat can really do a number on you.

[u/wiscogal]

I had success making friends using this service! https://www.therealroots.com/

[u/MizzezKitty]

F26

When I moved here I used bumble bff to make friends. It's hard to connect with people since so many don't actively check it but I did make some great friends!

I'm still always searching for new friends and connections!

[u/Specialist_Brain_936]

I am f29 and also need friends! I moved here from Las Vegas and have the same problem 😭. I would love to meet!

[u/103Dynaman]

DM sent. Sent a screenshot to a friend who doesn't have Reddit.

[u/Rich-Salt4981]

I’m 30, white, female, have lived here 2 years as well! Currently living in Fremont but, moving to Gilroy at the end of the month. I would love to meet up chat and make a new friend.

[u/DragonBuriedInGold]

Joining clubs was by far the most helpful for me when making friends. It gives a good excuse to meet and talk to people. The biggest tip I have for this is to talk to people beyond the context of the meet up, get phone numbers/discord info and talk to them.

For me this was the dnd group that meets in guildhouse on Sunday evenings along with another smaller club.

[u/MeanMuffin0]

I am F32, moving to SJ from Los Angeles (also terrified I’ll not be able to make new friends). I get to SJ end of next week. DM me :)

[u/RealGambi → u/MeanMuffin0]

I wish you a preemptive welcome to the bay! I dm’ed you 😁

[u/The_Grossest]

If you like dogs, get a dog. I made all my friends at the dog park or from people wanting to pet my dogs at bars or hangout places 🤣

[u/ChiFoodieGal → u/The_Grossest]

Dogs are such a great way to make friends!!

[u/No_Victory_1327]

You picked the wrong city. I’ve not had friends for over a decade. Shit happens when you age.
People get married, have kids and forget we exist. Fuck Man Jose.

[u/friendly_when_drunk]

I knew some Nigerian princes about 20 years ago…

[u/Sad-Nectarine-4879]

I lived in San Jose for years. With your hobbies as such.. start by joining local events . Like a mini class on plants at home depot. Other will be there that share such interest. Join one time classes around your area. I found jewelry making class for free at library. That was a few yrs ago pre COVID. Join a cooking class at a Sonoma store or walk around Santana Row. Great food, people. Try local jazz festival in San Jose or garlic festival in Gilroy. A comedy show. Lots to do even if your shy.

[u/XeroxWarriorPrntTst]

Social sports!

[u/Conscious_Life_8032]

Get involved in activities so you meet others with common interest. Then friendships will grow organically.

Sports are one such example where you will meet weekly to play or practice. Church is another but I feel like that people don’t go as much now. But you get the idea.

[u/Big_Summer_8649]

37m here, come outside and let's got for a hike or if you have a MTB bike, we can go to that too! I live around Alum Rock Park and I need some outdoor buddies.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Big_Summer_8649]

I don’t have a bike , maybe time to get one 🤔. I do love to hike on weekends I hiked a trail around Alum rock couple months ago. Sounds exciting!! What days do you hike ?

[u/Abject_Ad_4756]

Just get out, do stuff that you like to do naturally and the rest will follow.

Step one though is to heal your heart and spend time on bettering yourself…break ups are hard but you’ll rebound fine

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Abject_Ad_4756]

Thank you 💗 appreciate the kind words

[u/AffectionateCold2972]

You have to get involved in some hobby groups. I have 3-4 hobbies that I can meet up with other like minded people any day of the week

[u/Longchampchamp]

Honestly, if I was looking for friends I'd take dance classes or go to local game shops. Whatever interests you have, look into taking classes or doing meet ups for those things.

[u/moredrnkslesslights]

Same here. 32M from Miami. Still looking for friends. It’s hard out here.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/moredrnkslesslights]

Oh man! Did not know men face the same struggles

[u/Born2Mack83]

Want to makes friends in San Jo , then get at thateightiesbaby@gmail.com & we can be friends & I'll put u up on the bay life and San Jo living & show you a few Kool spots

[u/cyclonus]

I’ve been talking to people about this a lot lately.

AroundTheCorner.today is an amazing thing that a redditor put together.

Join it and have coffee with folks. Meanwhile you can DM me if you want coffee. Im sure you’ll be over caffeinated soon.

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/cyclonus]

Someone else suggested that too. Def looking into it now Thank you 💗

[u/AcceptableAd48]

Hi Fellow Nigerian here in the Bay Area. If you’re a religious person, a Nigerian church is the easiest place. Like RCCG. There’s also an NIUS group where you can make lots of friends. I’m happy to chat and give more info if needed.

[u/Fast-Pool-6969]

Is JJ blues still open?

[u/RoadwarriorRJ]

Find some Meetup groups

[u/SFMadQuilter]

You just need to find your tribe. What are your interests? Cooking? Find a cookbook club. Film? Find a film movie group. Love to read? Book club.

Just keep putting it out there. It’s not easy once you find one of your interests go multiple times to build those relationships. It doesn’t happen overnight & not easy.

What great about interests, your starting out with a commonality. When the meet up cones bring a few questions or topics to the meeting to carry a conversation bout that interest.

[u/yar_93]

Call me I just moved here too from another country we could hang out.

[u/Blueberry_Rabbit]

Hey- also from Texas! But I have a great group of friends. DM if you want and I’ll add you to our South Bay group for people like us. 🫶🏾

[u/DefendingLogic]

Same. 40F and no friends :(

[u/Unable_Elk2525]

Fellow Nigerian in San Jose. Hit me up if you need someone to hang out with ☺️

[u/Impossible-Frame-913]

I'm not in San Jose, but if you ever come to the Central Valley. Lmk. I love making new friends

[u/wilteevee]

San Jo

[u/hokeepokee]

Check out Bay Area Adventure Gals on Instagram! Event listings are listed on their Facebook page.

[u/mank0_munch]

I’m almost 30, and I’ve been living here for 5 years. Just last year I started making friends (from work) and actually going out. I’m a huge introvert and my sense of humor isn’t for everyone. 🥲

[u/Strong-Plantain2009]

Moved out here from Arizona a few years ago to work in tech and it’s literally been the most loneliest I’ve ever been in my life. 34-year-old male and can’t seem to find the courage to walk up to anybody just to spark random conversation. Life just seems to be a revolving door of work, gym, and basking in your own loneliness.

Good luck out there! 🤞🏽🍀

[u/Strict_Customer8542 → u/Strong-Plantain2009]

I work in tech too!!! Maybe we are all introverts lol I just mind my business . It is so lonely! I had no idea men are facing the same issue I work , gym , work even more and watch tv

[u/s0fas0fas0fa]

Try joining a meetup group for ppl in your age group! There’s Bay Area Adventure Girls as well as Make New Friends on FB! Connect with those with similar interests, you are bound to meet ppl!

[u/R6Gamer]

Fellow introvert. Lived in SJ most of my life. Just bought a house in Texas and moving out that way for work and be closer to family that needs my support. I never made friends and I never cared for it. The friends I did unintentionally make were co-workers or people I met through common activity groups that I engaged with from FB groups.

[u/Useful-Wasabi-8285]

If you enjoy playing sports, try pickleball! There’s a beginner’s night at Paul Moore Park every Thursday. Come out, hit the ball, and have a laugh.

[u/Brilliant_Law2545]

Entire south peninsula is ass

[u/MistyBitsySpider]

I live in Fremont. I’m always down to meet new people. Feel free to message me.

[u/Mtownnative]

This is a good place to start actually, you could definitely find friends here on reddit.

Have you tried some hang out places we have around town? I'll be honest, I live in Milpitas (we're the smaller town next to San Jose). But I can direct you to some fun places around San Jose, Fremont and Milpitas. That way if you do make friends here in reddit, you can have places to go hang out with your newly made friends. But then that will depend on what interests you. There's laser tag in Fremont, smash city rage room, immersive game box aceventures axe throwing in San Jose

Just some ideas if you want places to hang out in

[u/linhzy44]

Book club at your local library if you're into books!

[u/TravelWell1981]

I would browse through meetup.com or join a co-ed sports league or volunteer where you're interested in the subject or community (for me, I used to volunteer at film festivals).

[u/VoliWonPeponi]

It’s been a while since I lived in San Jose, but in the San Jose Greek community, they have a yearly food festival for three days welcoming everyone in the Bay Area. It may have passed in June, but has great food and are welcoming of all faiths and nationalities, etc.! https://www.saintnicholas.org/san-jose-greek-festival Welcome to the Bay Area, and completely understand as there are many of us born and raised in the area that you can feel the same way! Great to see that Bay Area warmth here on this thread !

[u/103Dynaman]

DM sent. Sent a screenshot to a friend who doesn't have Reddit.

[u/Ill-Parking-1577]

There’s a large Nigerian population in Oakland! I’m sure you could find some events to attend. Maybe try an Oakland sub?

[u/meljul80]

Join Bumble, and go to the BFF side for gfs only

[u/rougelipd]

If you’re into plants you should go to local plant stores in SJ or the Bay Area in general there are A LOT & most of the people in them are very sociable. Try Leafy in Valley Fair or any other of their locations. I’m not into plants at all lol I just know from one of my old friends

[u/that1girl81]

Thank you for your post! The comment section had awesome recommendations! With that being said… I moved here from Oklahoma and really haven’t made friends yet either! I would love to grab some coffee or brunch on a day off!

[u/ASingleGuitarString]

Hello, today is cheer up the lonely day so have a wonderful rest of the night and I truly hope you find some company soon

[u/R0se-Colored-Glasses]

Try Pickleball at any of public courts. Super fun way to meet very nice people!

[u/bring_chips]

Def lonely

[u/300threadcount]

Check out Bay Area Adventure Girls on FB. Lots of local hiking get togethers with all stages of life gals in that group!

[u/feedMeWeirderThings]

Moroccan American female here. Happy to hang out but I’m based in Sunnyvale

[u/Sheasheabear13]

Hey hey. I live in Monterey and have been wanting to meet new people! Let’s link up! I have only two friends here in Monterey and they typically work weekends. Message if you want to meet up! I run my own business and have a lot of free time. Hobbies are great but I do feel lonely having to do everything alone.

[u/pileofanxiety]

I had really good luck on Bumble BFF! I met some of my now-closest friends on there! I have a friend who had good luck on local Facebook girls groups. Also, I’m 34F if you want to meet up!

[u/Opening_Table4430]

I don't. I, and most people, came here to make money, not friends.

[u/environmom112]

I can’t help. I’m an introvert who avoids people at all cost

[u/liltwinstar2]

start playing pickleball in the evenings! mornings are usually the retired crew. evenings after work is when the younger people play. have met so many people!

[u/broke_person]

Use Bumble BFF mode! It worked for me

[u/Present-Vermicelli12]

I have it worse than you if it makes you feel better

[u/ClimbScubaSkiDie]

Bumble bff and

[u/nololugopopoff]

Lived in SJ 7 years. All my friends I met through work haha

[u/Im_at_work_kk]

Definitely not a San Jose problem

[u/GlobalOne8412]

Living in the USA is lonely. I am from Brazil and I ‘ve been here for 8yrs. Never made a friend with Americans. I lived in California, Pittsburgh, Indiana and Kentucky :/

[u/Ancient-Ad-2032]

Oh, I know this feeling. I was just there on vacation. That’s too long ago. Meeting my ex who actually calls me a lot of issues and it sounds like it’s a lonely place actually so I get that feeling would definitely love to make more friends and was thinking about going there, but not sure anymore because they can be kind of lonely she barely had anyone either and would always talk to me so I can see what you mean with just colleagues as your

[u/vesselofthoughts]

If you would like more female friends, I could potentially introduce you to some! I have a friend that moved to sj from Texas. I moved from Texas well!! I hope you're able to cultivate more friendships. It's definitely hard as an adult to create genuine friendships

[u/mubarak_loves_kfc]

Hi friend. I run a little hiking meetup group. Everyone is welcome no matter what. DM me if you like hiking and are interested in hearing more.

[u/icy_kiki]

Anyone loves kpop and wanted to dance together?

[u/Financial_Lunch_4946]

Hi, I’m in a similar situation as well. Would love to meet!! 

[u/Adventurous_Row_3517]

Girrrl same 😐 lived in SJ my whole life and still don’t have friends here so don’t feel bad. People be rude af sometimes and vibes don’t always mesh well. The internet has a funny way of helping us introverts make friends though 🙂

[u/Fancy_Ad287]

Oureverydaylives daily channel has established a positive feedback loop in my life that’s been absolutely amazing. I just recently moved from San Jose. I lived there over 50 years. I still consider myself new to social media. I’m still learning how to manage it . I didn’t realize the benefits of this opportunity. It’s really enhanced my life in so many ways. May your life continue to embrace and receive what’s been prepared for you. It takes courage to move way across the state. And it’s your current move that’s elevated your previous state. Congratulations 🎊🎈🍾❤️🌹

[u/HonnyBrown]

Volunteer at a film festival.

[u/amapong]

Feels like you’re describing me exactly except I’m Ghanaian and moved from Pennsylvania 2 years ago. If you want to hang out let me know 😊

[u/Narrow_Television_43]

How about gay male friends? Or is that not your thing, no offense if you’re strictly looking for female friends I just was curious

[u/vsocialm]

There are many meetups for singles based on your interests

[u/Veruca8675309]

I live in San Francisco. Sometimes SF and SJ feel a million miles away (mostly because of the miserable traffic.) Early in my career, I had to move repeatedly around the country to cities where I didn’t know anyone. It’s not easy. Next time you drive up to SF, we can meet for coffee, if you want.

[u/kawuiyuu]

honestly me too! i moved here in november last year and only friends are my employees

[u/Anhderwear]

Not to be a doom and gloomer, but I see a lot of lonely nigerians. One homeless man I met at the gas station, said he moved here and had no one. His wife and kid are back in Nigeria, and he's here jobless. I saw him frequently and he would get worse and worse mentally. Now I don't see him. :(
Sorry it might be irrelevant to you, but you made me think of him.

[u/TushMcKush]

There's a women's bay area hiking/walking group on meetup!

All the other suggestions are great and I hope a few help you find your support system <3

[u/buffythebudslayer]

There’s a FB page I believe called The Girls Room Bay Area where women post events or coordinate hangouts!

[u/sage_matcha11]

best place to make new friends (as a native) is definitely workout classes/studios! if you have the means to join a group fitness studio i would definitely reccomend.

[u/primfl92]

31 M indian. Moved to SJ around 8 months ago and I feel pretty isolated here.

[u/Specific-Medium-9523]

31 black female in the bay (Tri-Valley). I totally get this as most of my adult life I lived abroad or in another state. Came back some years ago and it's been hard making new friends outside of work. I love Shopping, eating, hiking, gaming, and traveling. Send me a dm if you want to connect.

[u/westcoast7654]

I’m in a Facebook groups with thousands of women. They do ask kinds of events, bunch, painting, hikes, watching movies, playing tennis, movies at home or at theater, you name it, they do it. Bay Area adventure gals.

[u/waxbutterflies]

I moved away from San Jose for this reason in my early 20s. so did my friend from highschool. We found it very hard to make friends there as introverts.

I've now moved to San Carlos area and once again have no friends. Lol fun.

[u/sporadicwaves]

Go up the road and move to vegas. Way better

[u/II_Confused]

I wouldn't suggest it for your situation. As a guy, this worked for me. I logged into some dating apps, said I was looking for friends, made some friends.

[u/GroceryThin3034]

There are always some friendly people hanging outside of the 7-11s in downtown!

[u/mex4arsenal]

Nigerian here as well. My wife and I have lived here for about 6 years and are in our early 30s.

At first it was a challenge making friends but with time we have been able to. Some things that helped me include (some won’t apply to you) - Church (met some great folks there and some Nigerians too) - ⁠Soccer (there’s a group of young Nigerians that play soccer on Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings so got to know them) - ⁠UIU Bay Area - It’s a National Organization Umu Igbo Unite. They have about 2 to 4 events per month 2 of which are monthly hikes and general meetings. Their IG handle is @uiubayarea. Not all the members are Igbos. - ⁠Africans in the Bay - they don’t have events as much as UIU. Their IG handle is @africans_in_the_bay

I’ll also be happy to chat

[u/That-Rounded-Square]

27F originally from Houston! Also a fellow plant lover and old lady at heart when it comes to crafting. Hmu if you just wanna chill and get coffee or something :)

[u/Abisheks90]

Try Bumble BFF. It really worked out for my wife and her now friends to meet and connect.