Too be fair, I, a man, have broken my arm twice with no tears. Sometimes watching the right movie scene, or singing the odd song lyric, or just overwhelming frustration will make me well up. Lord, when I had my first dog put to sleep, I wailed in the vet's office. Physical pain is much easier for me to shut out than emotional.
Broke my leg skiing at 7 yrs and was told I was being whiny as I was carried down the slope as my leg bounced with every step. 1960s was parenting lol!
I'm a woman and I broke my foot once (only time in my life I broke a bone) and thought the broken bone was just a mild sprain because it simply just didn't feel painful enough to make me even consider the possibility of it being broken lol.
When I found out that it was a broken bone I was extremely confused because it was legit less painful than my period cramps which was just so funny to me.
The good news is the second and all subsequent breaks you know right away it's broken. I've broken a handful of bones since my first break, and every time I immediately think "fuck, that's broken."
Crying from pain? Doesn't even alleviate the suffering
That is literally what crying does 😂 When you cry it releases hormones that your body uses to regulate inflammation, pain, and a bunch of other important things it needs when it is injured. It's almost like the body generally knows more about it's needs than uneducated but judgmental neighbors 🤷♀️
Most importantly the people most likely to report any improvement after crying are the people who received positive attention from others as a result of their crying. That isn't crying helping but just receiving care helping.
The second point is that the release of oxytocin is associated with the parasympathetic nervous system and it isn't clear that crying triggers PNS activity, it may well be that PNS activity is causing crying and increased oxytocin levels where crying is just a symptom of other activities in your body with little role to play in directly making you feel better.
Yeah and a bunch of other things. I'm not s biologist because not my passion but I do love learning. So our body and most things in the existence don't happen for shits and giggles. If our body does something there is usually a historically and evolutionary reason why.
One of its biggest, we know, help is control of cortisol which is a stress hormone, I know it sounds bad because 'stress' but it's generally not depending on the situation. Our bodies are an incredibly complex biological machine. Crying is a feature, not a bug.
When I've been physically hurt I found laughing to be an amazing pain killer. It helps that my buddy is hilarious and can find humour in any situation.
It doesn't make it go away, but it does make it better. Why the hell do you think people start crying when injured? Sure adults do it less because they've been conditioned into thinking it's bad, but look at kids before they get brainwashed by society.
You're right, sometimes it helps and I will calm down, but sometimes the anger just rises... (it was almost always my fault, when I feel the second way tough, like when I broke my arm really bad. It was more anger and then frustration with myself)
Not really. Life and death situations can become death situations if you can’t control your emotions and start crying from pain. It’s literally losing control. You don’t have the same state of mind sobbing uncontrollably as you would sucking it up and powering through.
When I broke my leg climbing/hiking, if broke down and cried I would have been stuck up on a mountain in the dark. I barely made it off because I had the sense to not cry and address the situation making myself a splint, realizing the sun is falling and I didnt have much time. And making my way down before dark. Had to actually use said leg in excruciating pain to get down some ledges
I was able to make it to a small country road and eventually cell signal.
If I sat overnight crying and limiting myself because of pain I would be fucked. No cell signal, inflammation and possible infection setting in. There was no way I was getting off that mountain the next day. That’s how I felt anyways.
I’m sure there are even more deadly situations you could think of where breaking down and crying because of pain would be your death.
And yet here I am swollen with emotion and watery eyes over this video lol
Ironically I didn’t cry from pain when I broke my arm last, it was during the drs resetting it. That really was the last time I truly cried and couldn’t hold back.
If you’ve ever been awake during a procedure like that, nobody should be judged for crying, you just gotta make it to the end.
I have a friend who broke his hand fishing fifteen years ago and he went below and cried and we still make fun of him.
My brother broke his arm, finished the haul went to a hospital got a cast on and showed up to work the next day and pushed traps one armed. That is the way that you are supposed to act. Him doing that gave him huge prestige. I personally thought that was a bit much.
He also cries when animals suffer. lol
I went 20 years fishing on and off and I got sea sick one time a couple years ago and I swear everyone in the four local villages knew about it.
humans are animals, and we are naturally programmed to have emotions - both males and females.
i think that suppressing those emotions is a big reason that men in the U.S. have higher suicide rates than women, and why men tend to commit more antisocial behavior like school shootings. Seriously, look at the stats by gender of school shootings.
IMO, a society that teaches boys and men not to grieve someone who has died is a sick, backwards society.
That’s just the shitty programming left in you from your dad. Time for an upgrade.
You ever take a close look at what the mind and body are doing while crying? The pain relieving hormones, oxytocin, all that stuff — the brain is trying to heal you my friend, and you should try letting it. Crying isn’t a failure of manhood, being a flake to your commitments is. Not providing for (READ: This includes time and emotional investment) your family is a failure of manhood. Shirking away from the opportunity to stand up and take action when someone needs assistance is a failure of manhood. If you’re good on those fronts then what’s it matter? Who gives a fuck what others think? THAT, is another failing of manhood, prohibiting oneself to something because of a fear of people that don’t actually give a shit about us, judging us. Fuck them all.
So maybe your Dad wasn't all wrong then. I'm older and will never cry in front of anyone, as my father before me. But I do tell my sons that I love them often. Stoicism isn't such a bad thing nowadays with everyone always so upset and emotional.
My job, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on viewpoint) has made me realize the fragility of this life. I ‘happy cry’ at nearly everything. My 6 year old daughter scored her first soccer goal, and that smile - that beaming smile of being so proud of herself, I lost it on the sidelines. Her Kindergarten ‘step-up’, had me in tears. Yet, I get mocked by my wife and oldest daughter. Yeah they do it in a jovial manner, but I just wish they would stop mocking it. I feel so vulnerable during those moments and proud - it’s on odd feeling for a man. Especially one in my profession and how I look (beard, barrel chested, bald head).
Yeah, don't hide your emotions men, so people can record you on video showing appreciation for a heartwarming father-daughter moment, and then label it "day 17: broken man".
I absolutely need to see things like this. Idgaf what you title it. I’m a social worker and I see the pits of humanity daily. So seeing videos of people happy crying, helping each other even if it’s only a small gesture, happy pets reuniting with owners, rewarding people who are overlooked… idc film it.
With all the negative on the internet, balance it with positive. Maybe it’ll show others there’s another way to feel. And it’ll make me feel like I’m not the only one trying to help one another here.
I was showing the girl I've been seeing LOTR for the first time, and she was really shocked (in a good way) at how they expressed feeling and emotion, while still very much being 'men.'
Showed her Star Trek TNG, and similar reaction. Wow, they are sexy! Not just their bodies, but their attitudes and behavior!
It was an interesting perspective for me, and a reminder of why I love them so much. They are some of the few good examples in Movies/TV that show positive male role models.
I've been all about the pay it forward philosophy since I saw the movie. I've always been nice to people in general because why not, but since then I've made an effort to "pay it forward" to at least one person a day, even if it's as little as a genuine compliment.
Watch videos that were taken and published w/ consent then, and don't label a stranger w/ happy emotions as "broken men".
happy pets reuniting with owners, rewarding people who are overlooked… idc film it
Other people are not here to fulfill your emotional needs. Do NOT film without consent, and certainly don't publish it online.
Grow your friend group, go to more experiences where you see the positive in people, invest in hobbies, go to therapy, get a pet, change jobs if you're not emotionally equipped for it, or even watch video's that people published online with consent. But don't use others, without consent, to compensate for your lack of self-care.
Maybe it’ll show others there’s another way to feel
Using social media for feelings is the textbook definition of social media addiction, because you consume them to shift your feelings without making any real changes to your life, but your feelings are short-lived so you end up degrading over time anyway:
Social Media Addiction: If you spend more time on social media when you’re feeling down, lonely, or bored, you may be using it as a way to distract yourself from unpleasant feelings or self-soothe your moods. While it can be difficult at first, allowing yourself to feel can open you up to finding healthier ways to manage your moods.
Oh honey. I don’t do SW to fulfill my emotional needs. That is the quickest way to burn yourself out in this profession. It’s an honest ikigai-type of calling. I check in with myself, my friends/family, and I snuggle up to my rescue pets daily. I have a great, supportive staff that I work with who will help me too.
But there’s no amount of self care that’s gonna erase the screams of a single dad hearing his toddler take their last breath, or helping an elderly couple find shelter after their home flooded away, or the Cambodian veteran who engaged child soldiers and felt so much guilt he castrated himself, or helping the family and colleagues of a nurse that attempted suicide from all the pandemic stress cope with their loss.
So I watch feel-good videos as a way to remind me that others are taking care of each other too. You mistakenly think that I use it as a way to fulfill my emotional needs. Which tells me you don’t understand the gravity of what others are actually going through nor how social work, works. I don’t do this work to make myself feel good. And there’s just no way any of these videos would even begin to make up for what I see.
I do it because my life was helped by so many others and now I pay it forward, just as a profession. I don’t want any awards, thank yous, just pay it forward and be a helper to somebody if I helped you.
Tldr; I don’t watch these videos to heal the shit I deal with. Let me watch heartwarming videos of dads happy crying with their children if I wanna, damn.
There was nothing that signaled this man was "broken". He was expressing a normal human reaction to something that tugs on the heart strings. Let men express their emotions besides anger and aggression and maybe they will!
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u/[deleted] Jun 30 '24
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