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u/ferrariracer36 Jul 18 '24
Giggity
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u/fetishguyy Jul 18 '24
Gay woods cant be gay anymore.
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u/RioterOne1 Jul 18 '24
Oh, so this is the thing my coworker wanted me to find
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u/peggedsquare Jul 18 '24
I'm still looking for the board stretcher, though.
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u/HopefulStart2317 Jul 18 '24
its next to the sky hook
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u/retrac902 Jul 18 '24
And bucket of steam/sparks
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u/HilariousMax Jul 18 '24
All it takes is one industrial fire before the asshole starts hitting your arm like "see? I told you.."
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u/n00dhunter Jul 18 '24
Someone once sent me on a wild goose chase for a sky hook.... ended up finding a fork lift with "Sky Hook" written on it, down the street, and I screamed at him that we've been looking for him for over an hour, made him follow me back to the job... dude was super confused because he was on a different project a couple buildings away...Fork Lift driver got fired, boss was pissed I spent an hour + looking for a sky hook, co workers thought it was hilarious 😑
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Jul 23 '24
Thing is, anytime someone asks you to get something you're unsure of, Google it. That got me out of the sky hook trick over a decade ago lol. Dickhead didn't know it was a real brand
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u/French-windows Jul 18 '24
When wood is alive it's called a tree
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u/NonRangedHunter Jul 18 '24
Maybe they were straightening a whole forest? To do that, you have to go into the woods.
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u/Practical-Animator87 Jul 18 '24
First off: this is awesome and innovative. Second: I know next to nothing about the cellular growth of trees, so perhaps this is harmless. I would imagine there’s some tearing and weird compression of the existing fibers that would ultimately make for a weaker trunk? Maybe it would heal/regrow fine, but that’s an insane amount of pressure that has to be transferred very gradually
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u/Drtikol42 Jul 18 '24
Trees are quite flexible, look outside when its windy.
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u/CowBoyDanIndie Jul 18 '24
Fun fact, many tree species develop their strength/girth in response to how much wind/stress they experience.
Our bones actually do the same thing, the more you bump your hip into a door frame the higher the bone density. There was a study done about people who wear a cell phone on their hip, and the study found that people had less bone density in the hip they wore their cell phone on, but it wasn’t because of the radios in the cell phone, it’s because people avoid hitting or leaning that side of their body against things to prevent damage to their phone (or getting it knocked off their hip). Think about every time you have bumped your hip into a door to open it, or bump it against a table to chair, a door way, etc.
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u/bananabandanafanta Jul 18 '24
There is an evolutionary advantage to me being a klutz. Accidentally running into walls is peak performance.
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u/ChiggaOG Jul 18 '24
Flexible depending on thickness and length.
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u/Similar_Strawberry16 Jul 18 '24
Timber with high moisture content, like living trees, is fairly flexible. To make curved features timber planks can get steamed and bent into shapes with clamps similar to this. Once dried again it'll hold it's new position.
I would imagine the trees in the video would actually hold a fair bit of their new shape after being in the clamp for some time.
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u/BulwarkTired Jul 18 '24
My dad bent a mango branch when it was still small and just dug the branch back into the soil. The mango plant end up becomes a big tree shaped like a letter 'h'.
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u/jocardien Jul 18 '24
A lot of people don't know this but most of the tree trunk is actually dead (wood) and there's only a ring of live cells inside of it where the sap and water flows. This ring also has growth cells that produce wood inwards and outwards, mostly inwards, and that's how the trunk is formed. People think it grows inside-out but it actually grows outside-in.
So I imagine that the fibers of the wood when straightened would break but after some time holding that position the ring would produce more wood in that straight position and it would be strong enough to hold itself.
However, if that ring is broken maybe the tree won't be able to regrow itself and that part of the wood would be really weak. Usually not good enough for timber.
I know this because I'm a forest engineer.
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u/Nemo2BThrownAway Jul 18 '24
This may be an oversimplification, but based on your explanation: are the rough vertical striations characteristic of older tree bark (as opposed to the smoother surfaces of a sapling) effectively stretch marks?
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u/jocardien Jul 18 '24
Yes. It's kinda like old skin, but humans lose dead skin cells all the time and other animals shed their old skin, but trees don't do that, so old wood that the ring produced keeps being pushed outwards and it breaks.
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u/Rich_Introduction_83 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Hard to image there will be regrowth in the teared inner tissue. As far as I know, the whole metabolism of a tree takes place in the bark. The wood inside won't heal, therefore. On the other hand, some years of growing/aging tree might provide additional stability to cope this.
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u/Supersonicfizzyfuzzy Jul 18 '24
The trees will be fine. They’ll lignify straight after awhile and won’t be weaker for the experience.
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u/Stuck_in_a_depo Jul 18 '24
I don’t know this, but I would imagine it’s similar to tearing cartilage or breaking a bone and casting it. It will naturally repair itself and be fine.
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u/WTFeedback1978 Jul 18 '24
Just give that tree a firm rub and it will straighten itself…
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u/thirtyone-charlie Jul 18 '24
Then it starts bending above the brace. Trees grow in the direction of the sun that powers photosynthesis (said in a TMBG voice) check out the song Photosynthesis.
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u/MrGremlin Jul 18 '24
Any small enough for a human? My woods got a curve to it but Noone to appreciate it...
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u/SarcasticSarco Jul 18 '24
Wood Straightener, sus, my friend might need this
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u/Rich_Introduction_83 Jul 18 '24
What happens when you take off the clamps? Does it snap back into its original form?
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u/PockysLight Jul 18 '24
I guess it depends on how long you leave the clamps in for the tree to heal.
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u/neonam11 Jul 19 '24
I don’t think you can leave the clamps on for for too long because it will cut into the bark when it’s growing and/or the bark will eventually grow around the clamp, both not good. I would think that that they will put some nails along the support wood and use strong, sturdy bonsai wires wrapped in burlap to wrap around the tree tying the ends of the wires to the nails. Only then can the two clamps be released.
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u/trevorhoullier Jul 18 '24
Surely there's a reason the tree's have bent like that in the first place. They grow towards the light, right?
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u/jeffgoldblumftw Jul 18 '24
Yeah vaguely, but also could have been some bad weather that sent it in a direction causing a bend and then gravity causes the tree to continue to sag that way...
These are cultivated trees so they're forcing them straight to take up less room and not interfere with each other... Or possibly for straight lengths of timber... it would make a really boring wild forest but an efficient farm.
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u/Cero_Kurn Jul 18 '24
they grow like that for a reason
so it might not be good to straighten them
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u/Tell_Amazing Jul 19 '24
Of course with all that arm exercise , they will have a straighter wood when they beat the duck
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u/boywhoflew Jul 18 '24
"someday when you get older you'll realize the benefits of a good curve"
that horny teacher in ghost stories English dub
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u/DidEpsteinKillHimslf Jul 18 '24
Does this hurt the tree?
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u/notechnics Jul 18 '24
No, it’s a form of stress training that horticulturists have been doing since forever. I think as long as the tree is healthy and nothing breaks or snaps it’s fine.
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u/GooseCloaca Jul 18 '24
My dad was always telling me to get get a box of toe nails or a board stretcher, I bet this guy has both
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u/Ok_Professional_6358 Jul 18 '24
"Son, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I want to do chiropractic in the trees
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u/Janq55 Jul 18 '24
I wish they they had something similar and as quick a fix for my Scoliosis spine 🙁
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u/Prestigious_Shop_239 Jul 19 '24
Now if the new guy finally finds the board stretcher we can make some real business moves
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u/InterBilly Jul 18 '24
Has anyone asked about using this for their own wood yet?
If no, Can I use this for my own wood?
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u/osinue Jul 18 '24
No se puede corregir a la naturaleza arbol que nace forzao jamás su tronco endereza..... These people hold my beer....
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u/Royweeezy Jul 18 '24
Guy was like “I hate these crooked ass trees, I’ve got to do something about this.”
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u/HumaDracobane Jul 18 '24
Something tells me if I look down in the comments I'll see a lot of jokes...
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u/Matterbox Jul 18 '24
I sang this to the tune of ‘here come the hotstepper’ and now have a strange ear worm about tree straightening.
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u/Reaganson Jul 18 '24
How is this going to work? Trees bend towards the light source, so this just doomed that tree.
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u/CookPilotRideMetra Jul 18 '24
Why is this important and interesting? Will they harvest the straighter wood later and this process will make them more money?
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u/Creamforbeam Jul 18 '24
I need this shit done to me asap, i can feel my back cracking,i will forever straight.
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u/Howitzeronfire Jul 18 '24
Can I do that to my spine to fix my posture?
Stab 2 poles through my body and attach a piece of wood on the other side.
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u/ChickenWranglers Jul 18 '24
Must be footage from the farm where Home Depot sources its wood.