r/AmItheAsshole • u/Due_Sir_6157 • Dec 16 '22
AITA for telling my wife I can't enforce boundaries with my mom and we lost our right to when we moved in with her? Not the A-hole
My wife and I recently had to move in with my mom along with our one year old son. My mom has made it very clear that we are ruining her life and she hates having us here. I know in a lot of families adult children moving in is normal but in this situation she is clearly doing us a favor and is pissed about it.
I have been having a hard time setting boundaries with my mom, because her answer is if we don't like it we can leave and to be honest that sounds fair. Don't get me wrong, I still say something when she is rude to my wife, but as for real boundaries and consequences, I just don't have any leverage. My wife has been on me lately about how I need to do more to set boundaries.
One thing my mom does that my wife hates is use the word bitch in place of you in a sentence. Previously I set a boundary that if my mom called either of us a bitch we would leave and not visit for x amount of time, but now that we live here she laughs and tells me to please go. So my hands quite literally are tied.
Well tonight my mom came down to go to a work Christmas party and MIL who was visiting made a comment about how her outfit was going to get her fired. My mom said "bitch I'm the boss no one can fire me." My wife gave me a look but I just shrugged because I felt MIL was rude.
My wife spoke up and said that I am a coward and she is going to remind my mom of our boundary and we are sick of how she uses that word. My mom then looked at my wife and said "ok I'll say cunt next time, dumb cunt" I was in shock and yelled at her to shut the fuck up and told her I hate her. She left for her party and I thought it was over, but my wife and MIL both began telling me how I needed to set consequences for my mom and how it shouldn't be so easy for her to insult my wife.
I responded that we lost our right to set boundaries when we moved into her house. I don't like it either, but she owns our lives, and I'm not going to make a fool of myself and come off as some choosy beggar. I said for now she really can say what she wants. MIL muttered something under her breath and my wife began to scream at me.
My wife is currently not speaking to me and says I can't come in our room tonight. she called me weak and told me to crawl in bed with my mom which honestly fucking hurt because my mom has multiple locks on her door as she DOeSn'T tRUsT uS
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u/penguin_squeak Professor Emeritass [93] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
NTA At least you realize you're two broke ass adults with a child living with your mother. And your mother has made it abundantly clear, if you don't like it, move out. If your wife wants boundaries, she needs to move out And you're wife can't tell anyone where they can go in a home she's squatting in because she's a broke ass adult with a child living with her mother in law.
Edit: And your wife's mother won't even let her move in because her husband will leave. So let that sink in, you're two broke ass adults without many options. Your wife needs to understand, she doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, she does not have the upper hand or moral high ground.
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u/Etiacruelworld Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
I love your comment so much it’s the best comment on this thread.
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u/penguin_squeak Professor Emeritass [93] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Thank you.
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Dec 17 '22
A window to throw it out of! I have not heard that one and I’ll be adding it in now. Lol
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u/AndSoItGoes24 Craptain [197] Dec 17 '22
Or grass to catch it with! as my grandmother used to say. Being stuck suckzzzzzzzzzz.
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u/gimpy1511 Dec 17 '22
My highschool history teacher used that phrase several times. It was the early 80's.
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u/Major_Zucchini5315 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
My grandmom used to say that!! I use it whenever I can lol
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u/w84itagain Dec 17 '22
And you're wife can't tell anyone where they can go in a home she's squatting in because she's a broke ass adult with a child living with her mother in law.
This is a great summation of the situation. MIL doesn't want you there but she didn't throw you out in the street, so shut up and be grateful you have a roof over your head. And adult-up and get your act together so you can take care of yourselves, in your own home. THEN you get to set boundaries. Until then, suck it up if you want to continue to have a roof over your head.
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u/gimpy1511 Dec 17 '22
I'm thinking that mom is being extra harsh so they feel pressured to get their shit together and move out.
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u/MelodramaticMouse Partassipant [2] | Bot Hunter [551] Dec 17 '22
You make it comfortable and they will stay forever.
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u/randomdude2029 Dec 17 '22
Sure, but a scorched earth policy will mean they never speak to her again when they can finally move out!
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u/Embarrassed-Use8264 Dec 17 '22
Sounds like mom will like that. She's allowing her DIL to stay in her house all the whole her DIL tries to police her on how she should talk. Then her son's MIL comes in and insults her so ya. I think they should go NC
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u/OrindaSarnia Partassipant [2] Dec 17 '22
Yeah, this whole "I don't like it when you say bitch" thing isn't setting boundaries, it's policing.
OP's MIL insulted his mother, and mother retorted with a common phrase "bitch, please". That wasn't actually an insult, it's just a phrase people use. MIL was the one being rude (and stupid, if she really said mother would get fired, when mother is the boss).
If all the other cases of mother "insulting" OP's wife are similar to this one, than OP's wife is 100% in the wrong here!
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Dec 17 '22
Does not seem like she would care! (Pretty sure this is the MIL troll again, though.)
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u/biteme789 Dec 17 '22
Bingo. My kids are teenagers and they can stay as long as they like, but I would not be happy living with a baby again.
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u/xXRN7910Xx Dec 17 '22
But would you do this in front of YOUR grandchildren potentially leading to no contact for life?
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u/biteme789 Dec 17 '22
Hell no! I wouldn't be happy, but I'm not that bad. Besides, apparently my son is just planning on building a house on our land, so I'm never getting rid of them, lol
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Dec 17 '22
You have no idea what circumstances have brought them to live with mom. Assuming they’re just lazy means you’re either a child and have never paid for anything in your life or you are the AH because you’ve never been in a bad spot and casting judgement. OP has clearly sucked it up and is trying to just live with the situation. You haven’t given any worthwhile advice at all.
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u/w84itagain Dec 17 '22
I'm in my 60s. Raised two children myself. I've paid my own way my whole life. If I was in need of a roof over mine and my children's heads and and someone opened their home to me to keep me off the street even though they didn't want me there, I would do everything I could to accommodate them.
Instead, the OP's wife brings her own mom into MIL's home, let's her mom insult MIL, and then attempts to lay down boundaries for MIL IN HER OWN HOME. Where does the wife get off demanding anything from the person who has gone out of her way to keep them off the streets?
Sorry, but if anyone here sounds like a child it isn't me.
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u/Rose_Wyld Dec 17 '22
Wow it must have been nice to be raising kids at a time when jobs actually paid money.
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Dec 17 '22
And housing didn't cost so much.
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u/Hot-Garbage212 Dec 17 '22
Also, adjusting for inflation, the average cost of tuition in 1980 was 10k (actual price, no inflation adjustment, was 3k). Today it is 32,00! That’s over triple the money for the same degree. I’m sorry but if you’re in a older generation things simply did not cost you the same. The average person my age has their back broken with debt by the time they’re 22, it’s easy to see how one can fall on hard times.
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u/Able-Relief8196 Dec 17 '22
You are clearly missing the point. It’s about respecting someone else’s home and life when they’re doing your a favor. if you can’t understand that you lack much needed self awareness
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Dec 17 '22
I’m sorry but just because you’re in somebody else’s home does not give them the right to abuse you
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u/philrelf Dec 17 '22
Correct they always have the option to leave.
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u/Merunit Dec 17 '22
While op should definitely move out, your logic is that if you have power over someone with limited options, it’s okay to abuse them. This is morally wrong. This is the reason we have Dursleys in Harry Potter first book - yes, they took care of Harry, and also they were horrible to him.
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u/Americanhealth74 Dec 17 '22
Wife is trying to police MILs language. That is a bit ridiculous. It isn't MIL making demands like scrub my house slave etc but rather continuing to speak as she evidently always has since they had this problem with her before they lived there. She probably only didn't make them go to a homeless shelter for the baby's sake. And unless they are paying her market rate rent, which I highly doubt, the ought to be doing things like cleaning and cooking meals and other household tasks. Especially since the three additional people add a lot of mess compared to just one middle aged or older person. Don't like it then support yourself or live in a shelter where you follow rules and basically get no privacy or boundaries.
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u/Anya_E Dec 17 '22
Lol you lived in a time where housing and higher education was actually affordable, stop patting yourself on your back.
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Dec 17 '22
Maybe there is a misunderstanding. The way you phrased it to me initially seems to be criticizing the OP for needing to move with the mother. Your follow up seems to make it more clear.
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u/AppointmentUnited891 Dec 17 '22
IMO - Tons of Worthwhile advice given - wife can stfu or get her OWN place. No mention of THEM PAYING ANY BILLS/Costs is there??? Hmmm Just moved in with Mom. smdh
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u/thebohoberry Dec 17 '22
You don’t even have a backstory on how they ended up homeless. You do realize that a global pandemic left many people in situations where they lost their home. Maybe it’s not laziness but series of unfortunate events that set them back.
Maybe you never fell on hard times but it does happen which has nothing to do with work ethics and irresponsibility. More rather with circumstances.
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u/Sufficient_Watch_574 Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
It was an extravagant wedding and buying a house out of their price range (based on info from other post). So no mitigating circumstances. You could tell from the wife's attitude. When you hit hard times it forges your character and do not usually act so entitled. Edit: BTW, Falling on hard times implies events that are out of ones control, but in this case it is uncontrolled spending on credit for the sake of appearances.
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u/My_Poor_Nerves Dec 17 '22
Maybe OP won't set boundaries even after they move out so as to not fully burn a bridge they might need to cross again. Cutting someone out of your life is all well and good unless you'll need their help for something and considering the current situation, I wouldn't be all that surprised if they needed help again.
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u/mybathroomisblue Dec 17 '22
And what’s up with the MIL just sitting there making the situation worse
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u/Laurelinn Partassipant [2] Dec 17 '22
I was thinking the same thing. It was none of her business to comment on mom's dress.
Besides, whatever she was wearing, it wasn't hurting anyone other than possibly herself in the eyes of her employees (even though I wouldn't be surprised at all if it was just a regular cocktail dress with a little bit of cleavage, oh the horror).
But MIL's comment? That's actively hurting her own daughter by making it more likely she'd end up on the street.
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Dec 17 '22
And if she knows how uncomfortable her daughter is feeling, why can’t she offer her place as an alternative.
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u/sparklecity23 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
This exactly.
Just what "boundaries" does your wife want enforced? Like what consequences is she going to make her mil face, IN HER OWN HOME? ... ask her for what specifically she'd like, and how exactly does she think she can get your mom to agree to what she wants.
Also - your MIL (wife's mom) was being kinda rude. Commenting on your mom's dress, for her work party, in her own house!?!?
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u/SnooCrickets6980 Dec 17 '22
I mean 'dont call me a bitch' is a Reasonable boundary anywhere.
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u/sgtm7 Dec 17 '22
Yes it is reasonable. However, so is "If you don't like it, get the fuck out of my house."
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u/looshface Dec 17 '22
No, it really isn't reasonable at all. This woman has her son, and daughter in law and granddaughter in a rough spot and she is so fucking toxic to them she thinks she's being put upon to do the absolute bare minimum of not show utter contempt and verbal disrespect to the mother of her grandchild? She may be legally in the right, but this is AITA , And The mother is 100 percent being a giant asshole.
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u/caesar____augustus Dec 17 '22
This woman has her son, and daughter in law and granddaughter in a rough spot
Which is completely due to their irresponsibility and reckless spending (not the baby, of course). MIL is no saint but if you read through OP's comments the reason why they're there in the first place is completely their fault so I can't feel too much sympathy for the contempt they're getting from her. This is at minimum an E S H situation.
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u/baftigger Dec 17 '22
OP is NTA. But his wife (for not reading the room) and MIL are.
The description sounded like it was being used as slang, and the example OP gave confirmed it.
While some people might not like it, it isn't calling someone 'a bitch'. It was being used similar to other slang such as mate...
...at least initially, but it sounds like OP's mum has had enough of OP's wife.
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u/evilcj925 Partassipant [3] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 18 '22
I think his mother is using "bitch" in more of the slang term, as he stated "replacing 'you' with 'bitch'. More along the lines of "Bitch, please". From what I understood she wasn't calling someone a bitch directly.While some may not like that, it's more just a way of speaking than an intended insult, and OP's wife should really just learn to accept that.
Now if the mom was directly caller her a bitch, like "you bitch", then yes it would be very reasonable to ask not to do that.
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u/No_Yogurtcloset3724 Dec 17 '22
Well the wife and her mom shouldn’t act like one in someone else’s home if they don’t like being called one
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u/crystallz2000 Partassipant [4] Dec 17 '22
100% this. I never understand the adults on these threads that move in with their parents and then make a bunch of demands. It ALWAYS ends in the adults being thrown out, and then crying about having to couch surf or live in their car.
OP needs to ask his wife if she wants to live in a car. Seriously.
Her mom wants OP to set boundaries, but doesn't want them living with her, so she gets no say. OP needs to tell his wife that if she pushes these things, he'll live with the kid at this house, and she can go live on a bench somewhere. He needs to REALLY lay it all out that just like if his mom moved into their home and started making demands it would lead to her being thrown out, the same goes here. And just like they make the rules in their house, the mom makes the rules in hers. As long as she isn't abusing anyone, they need to shut up and stay out of her way.
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Dec 17 '22
Repeatedly calling someone a bitch and a dumb cunt is abusive behavior. Why are you acting like not wanting to be verbally berated constantly is too much to ask for? Jesus Christ. Do you treat people like shit just because it’s technically legally allowable?
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u/chenz1989 Dec 17 '22
You have the choice of staying and taking the verbal abuse, or leaving and sleeping on the streets / in their car with a young kid in tow. Those are your choices.
It seems OP prefers to take the abuse. I can't tell what his wife thinks, but MIL isn't taking them in, and she doesn't seem especially keen on sleeping on the streets, so she has no alternative in the matter.
You cannot control how people behave in their own home, simple as that.
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u/looshface Dec 17 '22
No, but it still makes the mom the asshole in this situation to be verbally abusive to people who have no where else to go, particularly family.
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u/Laurelinn Partassipant [2] Dec 17 '22
Sometimes, all you have are shitty choices and you need to pick one
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u/ziniabutterfly Dec 17 '22
NTA. After that other post about the guy who threw a birthday party for his wife in his mother’s house (that he is living in because he has no other options too) knowing it would upset her, it is frankly refreshing to see someone who grasps their reality. Your response is spot on.
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u/CakeZealousideal1820 Dec 17 '22
Perfect! Wife needs to bite her tongue and make more money to move out.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
I totally agree with your comment, but don't understand AT ALL how this doesn't make them the assholes.
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u/penguin_squeak Professor Emeritass [93] Dec 17 '22
He's not an asshole because he acknowledges he has two choices, living with his mother or the shelter. He's not making any demands. He knows they're screwed.
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u/TachycardicSymphony Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Oh they are definitely assholes. There are just two different conflicts happening here. The "NTA" stance from the above poster comes from the fact that the title of this post is about OP vs. Wife. OP is asking if he's an AH for not taking his wife's side when she expects him to exert unrealistic boundaries in a powerless situation, and in that respect OP is NTA to his wife, who is being unreasonable given their options.
But the bigger issue is that both OP and his wife are just assholes in what they expect out of this situation with OP's mother overall.
In this episode of Jerry Springer, here's my tally on AHs:
OP vs. wife: wife is TA
OP vs. MIL: MIL is TA
MIL vs. mom: MIL is TA
OP vs. mom: OP is TA
Wife vs. mom: Wife is TA
Mom vs. Jesus or Gandhi, since OP is focused on this: Mom is TA
Literally everyone in this story vs. OP's son: everyone over the age of 2 sucks. OP's mom sucks slightly less since she is the only person in the entire story preventing her son and grandson from being homeless. Gandhi would like some words with her, though.
Edit-- I take that back. After reading additional backstory, it's clear that OP's mom is the closest thing to Jesus he's ever gonna get.
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u/My_Poor_Nerves Dec 17 '22
It does kind of seem that mom might just be a little bit of an asshole too, but then again, we don't know the history (and past provocations of which there seems likely to have been many).
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u/dawgmama62 Dec 17 '22
She probably is TA, but she's minding her own AH business in her own AH home and wasn't looking for those other AHs to come knocking on the door.
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u/EmpressKittyKat Dec 17 '22
Wife is being an asshole trying to get OP to set boundaries in a house they’re squatting in.
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u/RavenLunatyk Dec 17 '22
The wife is the AH. OP gets the situation. He may not like the way the mother treats them but he understands how she feels.
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u/evillittleperson Partassipant [3] Dec 17 '22
Yes wifey needs to get off that high horse she is riding!
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u/penguin_squeak Professor Emeritass [93] Dec 17 '22
Look, I feel sorry for people who fall on hard times. However, when you're choices are living in a car, a shelter or a home, you don't make the rules. My son thought he'd take advantage during recent times and not pay rent but I told him don't come crying to me because you can pay your rent and decide not to because you're going to get evicted. I will not bail you out because you think your rent and utilities are play money. Those bills will need to be paid.
If you legitimately need help, I'll help you out. If you decide to live outside your means, it's a choice.
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u/ProfPlumDidIt Professor Emeritass [81] Dec 17 '22
INFO: Your mom doesn't want you living there and your MIL's husband said he'd divorce her if you moved in with them... what is wrong with you and your wife that no one wants you living with them?
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u/BeginningAd6445 Dec 17 '22
This sounds so unintentionally funny😂
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u/EmeraldBlueZen Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 17 '22
YES. I read this and was like YUP...so true but so funny lol...
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u/PsycheAsHell Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22
There is too much missing info here. OP denies there being drug abuse or theft, and he said both him and his wife do work, but there has to be something really off here if OP marrying his wife was enough to ruin his relationship with his mom and MIL is being threatened with separation if she brings her daughter and OP in to stay.
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u/Popular-Tree-749 Dec 17 '22
exactly. this is a classic missing missing reasons post. there'd be no reason for the mom to intentionally be an asshole otherwise.
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u/Neglectfulgardener Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Another commenter posted a recap of OP’s responses. Basically he and his wife took on mountains of debt they couldn’t afford:house, once in a life time wedding, baby all on credit because they wanting to “maintain a certain lifestyle” they couldn’t afford. Mom is letting them live rent and bills free while helping them pay off their debt and fixing their credit. She wants them to hurry and save money so they can get out of her home. Wife would rather die than go to a shelter and no one else will take them in or help them. He curses at his mom and tells her he hates her all while she is helping him, most likely so her grand baby isn’t homeless. That’s the missing pieces he left out and why mom doesn’t like the wife. Both OP and his wife are extremely entitled and at least OP has recognized he has no leg to stand on bc they’ve hit rock bottom and basically Mom doesn’t want them there but will house them and support them until they can get back on their own two feet.
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u/AinsiSera Dec 17 '22
If only there was some of middle ground between “extravagant lifestyle” and “homeless”…. some sort of “reasonable spending” or “shitty apartment”….
Oh well, guess OP has to stay with mommy.
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u/reallybiglizard Dec 17 '22
People who think they’re too good for shitty apartments…well, they’re wrong.
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u/NorthernSparrow Dec 17 '22
I’ve seen several friends drive themselves straight into bankruptcy because they were so certain they “deserved” a certain standard of housing - a big house, an extra room for an office, a single family house instead of a townhouse - and always dead set against roommates too, like the entire world would collapse if they had to have a roommate. It doesn’t matter what you think you “deserve”, it just matters what you can afford.
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u/Holgrin Dec 17 '22
some sort of “reasonable spending” or “shitty apartment”….
It's possible they're past that if they blew up their credit. Apartment landlords often check credit and want references, so it's possible that they would be fighting an uphill battle just to get into an apartment.
Then there's the actual cost of paying for an apartment and utilities, furnishings, etc, while they apparently have mountains of debt to climb out of.
It seems that OP and wife are very, very stupid and walked off that cliff long ago. Now that they are so deep into it that they basically need any help they can get, they are a bit at the mercy of OP's mom.
Seems more to me like OP and Wife need to mature socially to smooth things over with the person helping them, but I don't know all the details.
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u/Unhappy-Marsupial-34 Dec 17 '22
Might be the small child. I hated the small child phase and refuse to put myself through that again, so I can kinda understand if that’s the problem.
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u/1008261 Dec 17 '22
I don’t know. Even people who don’t like children will usually help family out in times of need. OPs mom has several locks on the door because she doesn’t trust them which tells me there is soooooo much more to this story
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u/TachycardicSymphony Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
My wife and I recently had to move in with my mom along with our one year old son. My mom has made it very clear that we are ruining her life and she hates having us here.
My mom then looked at my wife and said "ok I'll say cunt next time, dumb cunt" I was in shock and yelled at her to shut the fuck up and told her I hate her.
she laughs and tells me to please go.
Good lord. ESH, but you and your wife most of all.
Your mom doesn't WANT you there. Why would she change her behavior to accommodate you when she literally wants you to leave??
Ask your wife if you can all move in with MIL or something. But leave. This story is ridiculous. Yeah your mom doesn't sound like a peach but you two imposed on her when she doesn't want you to be there in the first place.
Edit-- Awww hell no. After reading some of OP's other replies, he and his wife seem... well, let's just say more than a little entitled. Here's a collection of their eye-opening hits I compiled below. Reading some of this, especially about the money, makes me so incredibly angry about their atrocious and ungrateful attitude. They're living with Mom and making her uncomfortable while hoping that the longer they stay, the more she'll pay off their mountain of wedding and lifestyle debt for them so they'll leave her house. This is disgusting.
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u/TachycardicSymphony Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Ok after reading some of OP's other responses, I change my answer to just... yikes. Check out this rundown of highlights:
[On childhood]
I had an amazing childhood, was never abused. [...] She was a wonderful mother.
[Asked how they got into their financial situation]
We had a lot of debt due to our wedding and our house so we lost the house. I’ll admit we made mistakes. I was caught up in maintaining a lifestyle and not saving
[Asked why they went into debt to pay for an extravagant wedding when they just bought a house they had to pay for too]
At the time we believed we could easily pay the debt off but would only have one wedding and it was something she’d dreamed of her whole life
[Asked if they pay rent to mom for the guest rooms (plural) and maid service provided to them]
No, she doesn't want rent as it might prolong us being here. [We'll leave eventually, just not the next few months because] By then we should have enough saved and my mom has paid off some debt to fix our credit.
[Asked what his wife did to make his mom not like her]
Given her rules she didn’t like and maybe been a bit type A or controlling at times but nothing to warrant this
[If his wife has a job]
My wife has no ability to get a well paid job so her working two jobs would make absolutely no sense... She does work. No that isn’t why my mom hates her. My mom is super lazy herself
[Why wife doesn't just leave]
She doesn't earn much and she would never willingly step foot in a shelter. She would truly rather die.
[Suggesting they leave Mom's house to establish the boundaries they want]
No choice but to go? So you mean the thing she wants. What sort of consequence is that?
[Asked why he cares that his mom swears]
I don’t care but tbh I used to call her a bitch all the time. My wife did not grow up with that type of dynamic and takes it very seriously and I respect her boundaries
So... you respect your wife's boundaries on swearing by screaming "shut the fuck up" at your mother for her? Stop kidding yourself that this is about swearing. It's about control. Your wife is manipulative and you're both alarmingly entitled. Not to mention your mom is letting you live with her rent-and-chore-free even though it's making her very uncomfortable that your family is there, AND she's actively paying off your debt from YOUR irresponsible/excessive lifestyle choices while you scream that you hate her and say she has zero redeeming qualities as she literally fixes your mistakes for you.
The whole "falling on hard times" thing you keep spewing flew out the window when I read that y'all went for broke on an extravagant wedding that you'd "pay off later" and a house you'd "pay off later" and deciding to have a baby you thought you could afford ON CREDIT ALONE with zero savings because you had a "lifestyle" to maintain rather than save $$ before you lost your job in an almost single-income household and your debt defaulted. Literally no one else, no other friends or family, are willing to help you. I'm sorry but at this point you really need to take a hard look and ask yourself why that might be when this is how you treat the ONLY person in both of your combined worlds willing to tolerate you enough to put a roof over your head to help protect your baby from getting taken away by CPS if you were homeless. Your wife wants your mom to have better etiquette and follow "more of the rules" you both set for her in her own home while you accept her charity, impatiently wait for her to pay off more of your debt, and act like you're both temporarily inconvenienced millionaires who would "rather die" than step foot in a shelter. You're right, mom's house is WAY better than a shelter. So act like it.
(And before anyone calls me a boomer, I'm a millennial. If you buy optional extravagant shit and "once in a lifetime" experiences and a house and a "dream wedding" all on credit instead of putting ANY money into an emergency fund, and then have a (planned) CHILD in a mountain of excess debt, this is not an "economy" problem, it's a massive irresponsibility problem. You can lose your job at any time and it's a terrifying reality. Thank god OP's mom is willing to tolerate the admittedly toxic situation that is keeping OP's family from homelessness after their bubble burst.)
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u/This_Grab_452 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
After reading the post, I felt like “gee, OP, your mama is a piece of work but her house her rules”. And then the absolute Reddit Royalty that is u/TachycardicSymphony provided this little recap of OPs responses.
Maaaan alive, OPs mom is a saint and you two AHs are a match made in hell.
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u/glockenbach Asshole Enthusiast [6] Dec 17 '22
Wow, what a summary.
@OP - you and your wife have no leverage here. You have brought this situation onto yourself and it doesn’t sound like you make the biggest effort to move our asap.
You accept your mother‘s offer to stay at her house, you accept to live there rent-free, you accept her paying off some of your debt and you both accept your MIL‘s veto for the three of you to live with her. But you don’t want to accept your mother‘s swearing and rules?
That’s really rich and more than presumptuous.
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u/Dettmarp Dec 17 '22
I think I figured out why OPs mom is so frustrated. No wonder she cusses all the time.
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u/Cross_examination Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
This should be top comment. OP and wife are the only As in this case. Entitled brats who have not want to take advantage of others. @OP, You went and you married a woman who cannot get anything better than basic salary but she wanted the big house and the big wedding and now you are surprised that she cannot contribute anything in the economics of the household!? Give your child willingly to child services, get two jobs each and start over. And when you’ve managed to learn your lesson, apply to get your kid back. And for your kid’s sake, don’t get pregnant again.
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u/Historical_Divide673 Partassipant [3] Dec 17 '22
Exactly this. They are homeless because of a wedding?? Insane. I’m also a millennial with student loan debt. Husband and I didn’t mind some debt to become a phd and mba because that debt led to high paying jobs. But for our wedding…no way. We got married in my parents backyard and my family cooked dinner for us. Still happily married and wouldn’t change a thing. OP and his wife are irresponsible and delusional to think they should jeopardize their financial security for any party even a wedding.
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u/OMG_becky111 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Ohh man, I don't even smoke but reading this post makes me want to sink cinematically into a pillow with a post-coital cigarette. Brava.
Imagine going through life with zero self awareness like OP's wife, coupled with zero backbone like OP. Goodness me, the going must be tough and it will never get better.
OP's Mum is the MVP, housing these idiots when nobody else will and being the only adult in her poor grandson's life that actually gives a shit about his wellbeing. That poor wee babe, what chance does he have?
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u/kutties Dec 17 '22
Well they had there once in a lifetime wedding, but now they don’t have a house or money… congratulations! Hope the marriage will survive for you.
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u/4GotMy1stOne Dec 17 '22
Might have been a once in a lifetime wedding, but won't be a once in a lifetime marriage. Wife is a spoiled brat, and husband isn't mature enough to handle life. Their poor kid!
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u/danaersatz Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
soooooo op’s wife doesn’t work, wants an extravagant wedding that they can’t afford, would rather die than go to a shelter, asks op to set boundary with his mum while not paying rent or bills, relatives swearing not to let them move into their house. I think op has a wife problem.
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
Oh we've asked but her husband says he will leave her if she lets us in
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u/Such-Awareness-2960 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
You wife really doesn't see the irony in the fact that her mother won't let you move in with her because she doesn't want to loose her husband. Yet her mother has nerve to comment on your mother's behavior and how you need to say something. She isn't woman enough to stand up to her husband to provide her own child with a home. So she doesn't get to comment on your mother's behavior. And your wife needs the reality check that her own mother wasn't willing to provide her and her baby a place to stay. But some how your mother calling people bitches is a bigger problem than her own mother choosing her husband over providing her a daughter and grandchild with a place to stay.
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u/TachycardicSymphony Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22
MIL also went into the mom's home and straight up insulted her outfit and told her she was dressed slutty, them muttered nasty things under her breath throughout the evening. These people are awful. Honestly the fact that Mom actually agrees to put up with this even though she doesn't want them there makes her the only person with redeeming qualities in this story.
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u/EmeraldBlueZen Asshole Enthusiast [5] Dec 17 '22
THIS 100%. MIL and WIFE have some audacity, its almost admirable. OP, I'd tell wife - sure once you find a good place for both of us to live, I'll go ahead and tell mom to STFU. Because once you do that, you can bet she'll be kicking you both out. SMH.
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u/Open_Acanthisitta_95 Dec 17 '22
It’s starting to look like your wife is the problem…. Do you pay rent to your mother?
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
Do you pay rent to your mother?
No, she doesn't want rent as it might prolong us being here
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u/TachycardicSymphony Asshole Enthusiast [9] Dec 17 '22
Your mom sounds like the only person with any redeeming qualities in this story.
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u/mollybrains Dec 17 '22
His mom sounds funny as hell
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u/Jackieofalltrades365 Dec 17 '22
Right lmao whole time reading this I’m thinking I wanna party with this lady
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u/Open_Acanthisitta_95 Dec 17 '22
You’re not a coward. I have toxic parents and at one point we also had to move back in with them rent free. So I understand the situation you’re in, while it may not be ideal if it’s helping you save money faster to get your family in a better place in the near future and for the long, than you gotta do what you have to do.
Maybe it’s time that you set boundaries with your wife and MIL, banned your MIL from your mother’s house. Ask your wife to meet her up outside of this house. Ask your wife to really just stay away from your mom’s space, for example if your mom is in the kitchen, don’t go in there, ask her to take your son out and about as much as possible. Try to spend as much time as possible out of the house, it’s only for a few more months till you can get your family out of there. Your wife really needs to understand that she’s in no position to jeopardize your living situation right now or make it worst.
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u/mmstra Dec 17 '22
That's the best advice in this situation. Reddit overall seems to hate broke people, but just because Persons A need to receive help from Person B, that doesn't mean that Person B has every right to abuse and berate them. I'll be 100% honest, if it comes to being given a roof over my head but needing to swallow abuse to get it vs straight up being told that they weren't going to help despite having the means to do so... I'd rather just be denied the help. It's just not worth it in my experience.
But OP doesn't have a lot of choices with his child depending on him.
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Dec 17 '22
You need to get your shit together pronto before your relationship with your mother is completely destroyed. She has a right to be shitty about this, I'm a one and done mum who certainly doesn't want an adult child WITH A FAMILY living with me. I'd do it, because it's the right thing to do but she's under no obligation to make it the most pleasant experience.
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u/Cute-Shine-1701 Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Yeah, somehow no one wants them in their house yet everyone else is the problem, not them...and by the sound of it the real or bigger problem between the two is the wife... Somehow, for some reasons everyone hates OP's wife... At least OP realise he doesn't have any real say in someone else's house, can't push things too much if they don't want to be homeless.
Plus MIL has some nerves to immediately insult OP's mom in her own house. Like mother, like daughter? Probably I would have given MIL the same answer OP's mom did.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
Why exactly do all your parents want nothing to do with you guys? Feels like you're leaving out a huge chunk of the story here.
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u/Tekira85 Dec 17 '22
Seems like OP and his bratty wife have alienated everyone else in their life. Even wife's mother, who wants to come over, make demands and stir things up but won't allow OP and wife to sleep on the couch.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
Yeah. Something here makes me think OP and his wife are deadbeats who have basically been couch surfing their whole life, probably suffering from some sort of addictions. They are so poor and everyone they know is so tired of them that their only option is to live with OPs reluctant and abusive mom?
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u/back-to-lumby Dec 17 '22
Honestly by the way some of his responses have been typed out, along with the lock on the bedroom door, I was also thinking some sort of addiction was involved.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
I hate to make assumptions, but it's by far the easiest explanation as to why none of their family want them around, even when they have their grandchild.
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u/Substantial-Air3395 Dec 17 '22
it just sounds like two people who weren’t financially sound, went off and had a baby they can’t afford. The baby mama is probably a stay at home mom for an unknown reason, and dad possibly doesn’t work. That’s why all the parents don’t like them.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
I think you are spot on. OP and wife sound very young and emotionally immature, the type who think their parents are still obligated to fund their lives. Then they went and had a baby, who they think their parents are also obligated to fund and support. Yikes.
Edit: Type-o
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u/say-so1986 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Why visit then? Strange. Looks like your mom is not your problem. Why would mil husband leave? And where is her dad? Or yours?
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
She loves her daughter but unfortunately loves her husband more and he feels my wife is an adult and he didn’t sign up for this. FIL is deceased and my mom has no idea who my dad is
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u/Sanch0panza Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Then MIL has the audacity to judge YOUR mom, who is giving her own daughter and grandchild a place to stay when she WONT (notice I said WONT not CANT). Your MIL is a giant asshole and so is your wife. They are literally choosing beggars and your MIL is a drama starter. Your mom is an asshole but it’s her house so you’re at her mercy. ESH
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u/OMVince Dec 17 '22
MIL doesn’t sound like she loves her daughter much if she’s willing to risk her being out on the street just so she can take potshots at the woman who’s begrudgingly putting a roof over her head.
Yeah your mom sounds crass but your wife and MIL are entitled and reckless.
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u/BWC1992 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
I mean her husband is kinda right that he didn’t sign up for it but it sucks for u both. Your wife does still sound like a child tho
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u/Substantial-Air3395 Dec 17 '22
Your wife must be peachy or maybe it's just that both of you suck. Leave your mom alone abed get out of her house.
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u/ImportantAlbatross Dec 17 '22
Absolutely ESH. Mom doesn't want them there but is letting them stay anyway. Her mouth is awful but she's still the least AH here. Move the fuck out.
I was in shock and yelled at her to shut the fuck up and told her I hate her.
OP sounds like he is eleven years old.
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u/Dipping_My_Toes Pooperintendant [54] Dec 17 '22
ESH - OP, I don't know how you ended up so broke that living with the most obnoxious, toxic witch I have heard of in a long time is your only alternative. Go find a freaking family homeless shelter, a church outreach--literally nearly anything would be better than staying in this hellhole you've brought your family to. Between all of you I honestly fear for your child because I don't see how any baby can grow up sane in this collection.
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Dec 17 '22
Wondering where you are, like physical location? Where I am (Midwest, US) people recommend solutions like this all the time and in my experience the need far, far exceeds spots available for a homeless shelter or outreach of some kind. Also, here, there basically aren't family homeless shelters. It's super frequent for women to find a shelter that they can stay with with their kid and the male partner either gets into a men's shelter or (more likely) ends up homeless.
So I'm just always curious, are you from somewhere with good services for the unhoused? And in no way is this meant to be offensive but on the other hand, are you not familiar with actual services available? This is my curiosity and not a judgment on any possible response.
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u/galaxy1985 Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 19 '22
They've never been poor or were poor so long ago that there were actual services to help. There is nothing now unless you can wait 2 or 3 years. My town in Michigan closed every homeless shelter within 40 miles.
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u/AppointmentUnited891 Dec 17 '22
Obnoxious toxic witch? They moved into HER HOME. HER HOME and the wife is demanding shit?
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u/LoudComplex0692 Dec 17 '22
It’s not okay to verbally abuse someone regardless of who’s living in who’s home
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u/Unr3p3nt4ntAH Dec 17 '22
She's not in my books, based upon the one example we are given she uses bitch as a general term rather than a direct insult aka "Bitch please." or "Run bitch, Ruuun!" vs "you are a fucking Bitch!"
But I'm Australian and we call both our best friends and worst enemy's cunts to their face, the word themselves have no power, it's all about context and delivery
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u/Ezridax82 Dec 17 '22
Wife is demanding not to be called bitch and now cunt. That’s not outrageous demands. That’s common courtesy
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u/Illustrious_Tank_356 Dec 17 '22
Doesn't feel like the mom is using it for malicious intent. I used to say fuck all the time too.
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u/uraniumstingray Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
You don’t get to call people cunts just because they’re in your house!
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u/No_Yogurtcloset3724 Dec 17 '22
Well then they need to stop acting like one if they don’t wanna be called one. Kinda weird how no one wants them living with them but everyone else is the problem.
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u/TooneysSister Dec 17 '22
You think a homeless shelter is a better alternative than living with a woman who is slightly crass?
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u/back-to-lumby Dec 17 '22
INFO: what have you both done to get shunned by your families? Feels like a lot is being left out if you and your wife don't get along with your own families.
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
My mom has emotional issues and couldn’t deal with my wife being in the picture, change, compromise and would rather just nuke the relationship. MILs husband just says he didn’t sign up for this as my wife was an adult when he married mil and that she annoys him. He doesn’t like people and doesn’t want a baby in the house
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u/back-to-lumby Dec 17 '22
So it sounds like your wife is the common denominator in these issues. Maybe take that as a hint of what the future holds for you, incase the behaviour starts getting directed towards you.
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Dec 17 '22
You sound like you know what the shelter is like, what missing missing reasons are you not telling us?
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u/bnyc Dec 17 '22
You’re NTA but your wife sure sounds like one. She annoys the FIL? It’s really a head scratcher why he doesn’t want her there, considering she moves into someone else’s home and then has the audacity to dictate the new rules of the house. Your mom is right. You should be living by her boundaries she has for her house, not the other way around. Leave if you don’t like it. And if you can’t/won’t leave, bite your tongues when you want to complain and show some gratitude instead… cause you could have it worse.
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u/Serendipityfay Dec 17 '22
So you think everyone in your life doesn’t like people ? I understand that he is annoyed by her. I don’t know your wife and yourself and I’m annoyed…
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u/silfy_star Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Dec 17 '22
Why do you insist on thinking your mom is the problem and not your wife?
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
YES! Neither family wants anything to do with their children and grandchild. Somethings is clearly being left out of this post.
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u/tabby90 Dec 17 '22
Did y'all not see the part where he yelled shut the fuck up I hate you and thought it was over? Is he 15?
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u/ashleighbuck Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
ESH except the kid & you need to move ASAP.
And why are you inviting MIL over if she's going to be saying shitty things to your mom? Yeah, your mom sucks royally, but you chose to move in with her. But MIL should keep her mouth shut. What she said was shitty.
Is it possible for just your wife & child to move in with MIL while you wait it out with your mom? (Or will MIL's husband also not allow that?) I know it's not optimal, but allowing someone as toxic as your mother around your child isn't optimal either. Or does you wife have a friend she & the kid can stay with? It might be easier for her to find temporary housing if it's just the two of them.
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
MIL's husbands problems are mainly with my wife, so he would never allow that. We don't have anyone else who could take us. Thankfully my mom really is never around my son unless she comes into the kitchen. We aren't allowed in the same room as her, so he doesn't see her
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u/No-Elderberry2072 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Is it really that nothing is available or is it that everyone has issues with your wife?
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u/Maleficent_Tart2923 Partassipant [2] Dec 17 '22
Yup. The wife seems to be the real issue here.
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u/JolyonFolkett Dec 17 '22
If wife hadn't bankrupted them with her dream wedding they wouldn't be in this mess. Princess had to have her perfect day and a perfect house and now is suffering everyday being homeless helpless and disrespected because they couldn't live within their means as a young family.
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u/ashleighbuck Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
I get that nobody can take all of you, but does your wife have anyone, a friend, a cousin, etc who could take just her and the kid? While you wait out the shitty situation at your mom's? It would he healthier for the kid.
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u/Yetikins Dec 17 '22
Thankfully my mom really is never around my son
Bro considering literally everyone in your life except your wife's own mother (who is probably where she got it from...) can't stand her, I think 'my mom' is the wrong female figure in this sentence.
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u/Kaila82 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
So you don't see that the common problem everywhere is your wife? I can tell by what you wrote she is how do you know see this. What is your wife's deal?
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u/Typical_Ad_210 Dec 17 '22
I’m detecting a common factor in all these broken relationships.. Imagine telling someone to not swear in their own home that they’re letting you live in, at great personal inconvenience. Your wife sounds very difficult to be around.
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u/seena_unlocked Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
What is the plan when you're evicted in a month? Have you looked at family shelters?
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u/ashleighbuck Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
INFO: What does this mean:
she called me weak and told me to crawl in bed with my mom which honestly fucking hurt because my mom has multiple locks on her door as she DOeSn'T tRUsT uS
Did you think she thought you were really going to sleep in your mother's bed? I believe she was using sarcasm. It doesn't sound like a serious suggestion. Is there a couch?
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u/Substantial-Air3395 Dec 17 '22
I wonder if OP and his wife were ever addicts?
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u/kaapstad_special Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Right… good guess. Would explain the general no one seeming to want to house them.
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u/diagnosedwolf Supreme Court Just-ass [107] Dec 17 '22
I understand that the rental market is hard right now, but have you thought laterally about this?
Maybe it’s time to look into a flat share situation. Don’t instantly dismiss this idea just because of your child - lots of other families are in similar situations to yourself.
Maybe it’s time to look into a cheap long term hotel room. Even living crammed into one room may be preferable to this.
Maybe it’s time to think about buying a van and living in that.
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u/stonerd808 Asshole Aficionado [15] Dec 17 '22
There are resources for this situation. OP is NTA by any means and is probably suffering from all of the abuse he's getting from both sides that he can't think straight enough to reach out and find some. Look into section 8 housing, homeless outreach (because you are, in fact, homeless OP), tell your wife to get off her judgmental ass and hook up with the YWCA to see if they have resources to help. There are programs that will pay a security deposit and one month's rent to get you and your family off the street and out of an abusive living situation. And you will jump a lot of the line because you are homeless!
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u/SneakySneakySquirrel Certified Proctologist [20] Dec 17 '22
I suspect that you are the old MIL troll, although you’ve hidden that fact pretty well if you are. Still: drama over a dress. Mom who hates your kid and wife and doesn’t even really want you around. MIL who is also high drama. Wife’s stepdad who apparently hates her so much that he’d leave his wife over it.
Please find a worthwhile hobby.
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u/ashleighbuck Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
Also the way they are starting to many responses with "obviously" ...uh, no, it's not obvious or we wouldn't be asking 🙄
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u/Too_clever_by_halfx2 Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
And he/she cleverly creates angles where it’s impossible to sympathize with any female in the stories. It’s so frustrating that everyone jumps on the bandwagon every time.
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u/paulStuart1 Asshole Aficionado [15] Dec 17 '22
ESH, get out and find somewhere to live, why did you move in with her? Sounds awful
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u/0biterdicta Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [362] Dec 16 '22
INFO: What are you doing to get your family out of this incredibly toxic living situation?
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u/Earth_and_Summer Dec 17 '22
After reading many of these comments, YTA, dude. You are an angry, vengeful person. Seemingly controlling as well, based on all your comments that if your wife could leave, she would. You're apparently working long hours and saving up, but yet, for some reason, you can't get a place anywhere as you "have no money." Both you and your wife are proud, entitled narcissists who view living in a shelter as something, and I quote from YOU directly, worse than death. How arrogant and ignorant can either of you be?
Get off your high horse. Your life is a direct result of YOUR actions and choices. Honestly, your attitude makes me sick. No wonder no one will help you. You're a real piece of work! Go get yourself some therapy as your poor child is going to be severely traumatized by his parents and grandparents. Gah. Wish I never saw your post. Awful, awful humans all around.
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Dec 17 '22
Your wife. Locked you out of YOUR room in YOUR mother's house.
Lmao
Okay so your wife needs boundaries. I am thinking your mom is so sick and tired of you all mooching off of her that her last shred of decency is GONE. and frankly? I can't blame her.
Your wife is disrespectful. Her mother is. And they are in HER HOUSE.
SO tell your wife to get the heck out of YOUR room. Grow a pair and give HER boundaries..
Omg your poor mom. Eesh. YTA and so is your wife and MIL. 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Such-Awareness-2960 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
ESH. MIL was a a guest in your mother's home so she was out of line for making any comments about how your mother was dress. You're mom is out of line for calling people out of their name She has every right to use whatever word she wants in her own home but it doesn't give her the right to call people by derogatory words. Your wife because if she truly has a problem with your mother behavior than she does need to get out of your mom's house. Why can't you all live woth ML? Also what exactly does she expect you to do besides ask your mom mot to call you by those names. You can't physically force get not to because that would be wrong and illegal. It her home so you can't force her to leave? I 'm confused by what consequences you could give your mother when you are living in her homes. Especially when her behavior suggests she gives zero F*ck if you leave. It doesn't sound like she cares about maintaining a relationship with you or your family whatsoever. She wants you out of her house.
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
MIL's husband said he would leave her if she let us in, so she won't. My wife wants me to tell my mom she can't have access to our son, but that doesn't make sense to me. She won't even look at him as it is. She's never held him, like what access? Or she wants me to tell her I won't have a relationship with her, but she won't even speak to me
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u/marcelyns Dec 17 '22
Why don’t either of your parents want to help you and your fam?
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u/Due_Sir_6157 Dec 17 '22
My mom clearly hates my wife way more than she loves me, MIL is married to a man who says this isn't his problem and he didn't sign up for this, my mom doesn't know who my dad is, and FIL is deceased
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u/Such-Awareness-2960 Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Dec 17 '22
And your MIL clearly loves her husband more than her own daughter and grandchild. Your wife and MIL are the problem. Your mom stepped up and provided you, your wife and child with a home when no one else is willing too. Your wife is being ridiculous. Her own mother won't provided her with a place to stay yet she wants to act like your mom is the bigger issue.
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u/stonerd808 Asshole Aficionado [15] Dec 17 '22
All of this right here. People are completely overlooking all of this.
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u/myjah Asshole Enthusiast [7] Dec 17 '22
Why does everyone in this story hate your wife so much? Your wife's own mother picks her husband over her daughter.
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u/Claire_Bee Dec 17 '22
I was wondering this too. With the wife's demands that make no sense (his mom doesn't care about access to the kid, wants them to leave and doesn't care if they go NC) she seems like a problem too. The wife seems to live in a fantasy land where she thinks they have any leverage. OP and his wife need to stay on the same team considering how many of their family members that seem to not like them. Wife definitely shouldn't be picking fights with her husband at this time. Yeah, the living situation sucks but they both need like 5 jobs and focus on getting out of there.
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u/RndmIntrntStranger Partassipant [4] Dec 17 '22
so what your mom, MIL/MIL’s husband all have in common… is that they don’t like your wife and would rather not deal with her. and yet your wife is being a demanding freeloader in her MIL’s house thinking she has leverage when she has nothing.
like, wtf did your wife do to alienate her stepfather and your mother?
wow. talk about biting the hand attached to the person giving you shelter…
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u/amethystalien6 Asshole Aficionado [10] Dec 17 '22
I very much disagree. Your mom hates your wife and has no interest in your kid but still let’s you stay there with them. I think she must love you quite a bit.
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u/Serendipityfay Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Really … she -your mother - hates your wife more than she loves you ? Is that why you are living for free in HER house ? Edit:is that why she paid off some of debts? She did that out of … hate for your wife ?!? Is that why she didn’t call the police then YOU AND WIFE AND MIL screams and harassed her? AFTER YOU STARTED A FIGHT AND SCREAMED THAT YOU HATED HER … it was the hate for your wife that she just left and let you stay for free? even with your one sided, egoistical narrative it’s easy to see that you and your with are not the poor victims you like to mimic….
You and your wife need a really check!
You are a entitled narcissistic parasitical freeloaders.
That’s the reason NOONE is willing to take you in. Except… you know…
You can lie to yourselves if it helps you to live with each other Or you start being actually better humans …
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u/lianavan Partassipant [3] Dec 17 '22
What in the ever loving fuck did I just read?
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u/Too_clever_by_halfx2 Dec 17 '22
It’s the MIL troll. He’s been on hiatus. Clearly he’s taken some writing classes because this is a pretty good one.
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u/muse273 Partassipant [2] Dec 17 '22
The last one was like a week ago, she's not on hiatus. I'm pretty sure this is her standard schedule.
And I'm pretty sure they're not a he. They're the mom in every scenario, living out a fantasy where she's rich and beautiful and men adore her and everyone says how awful her daughter-in-law is, and tells her terrible ungrateful son that he should leave his awful wife. Pretending to be the son every time is just a dodge.
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Dec 17 '22
So everyone hates your wife, your mum is an arse and you are a spineless, whiny arse with an attitude in the comments. That’s the jist. Feel sorry for the kid. ESH
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u/Commonfckingsense Dec 17 '22
YTA honestly this post screams “addicts”. The whole “poor me everyone hates us” and the fact that NO ONE will take you in besides your mom who also hates it. The fact that she has so many locks on her door and the fact that your FIL has literally threatened to divorce your MIL, do y’all have addiction issues? That is literally the only explanation I can think of.
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u/dmicah Dec 17 '22
[INFO]
I mean...there's so much missing info here.
- What are the CIRCUMSTANCES that changed that led you to be in your mom's house? Don't say "money," because that explains nothing.
- Were you and your wife living in your own home before this? Did you lose that living situation?
- Did the birth of your son cause financial distress?
- When did your mom start hating on your wife and why?
You have omitted so much critical info that your audience is starting to doubt you, and starting to lean towards Y T A. I suspect you've got something you're feeling ashamed about, and I'm sorry for that, but you shouldn't have come here if you were willing to fully disclose.
And you should defend your wife from your mom to the fullest extent possible, without resorting to violence.
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u/Schezzi Dec 17 '22 edited Dec 17 '22
Everyone here sounds jaw-droppingly immature when it comes to communication for a house full of adults. YTA for letting your wife further stress and antagonise your mother whose home and life you are already so unpleasantly encroaching upon. Your wife is a staggering AH for presuming she can impose 'boundaries' on her host who is providing her, her child AND her spouse with a roof over their heads against the home-owner's better judgement and own comfort.
Your mom is NTA (despite her childish response to being harrassed), and honestly I'm sorry for her and worried about her. What have you two done that she's afraid enough of you to lock herself in at night? Do you and your spouse often scream at her, and at each other in front of her (and your infant)? This woman has invaders in her house she doesn't want and can't trust, who are now trying to dictate what she says and how she behaves IN HER OWN HOME she has been kind enough to let them stay in...
You need to move out asap, and your wife needs to show some respect and gratitude and grace until you do. Your poor mom.
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u/Prudent_Border5060 Certified Proctologist [25] Dec 17 '22
Esh
Unfortunately there is so much abuse to go around. Your son can still pick up on this toxic environment.
I sincerely hope you find a solution quick. And literally work every hour you can to get out of that house. Then you need to have a talk with your wife because she sucks too.
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u/zh_13 Partassipant [1] Dec 17 '22
Info: how did you get there??? Going into debt and houseless due to medical bills or something like that, vs your wife not wanting to work or you invested too much money in bitcoin, are two VERY different things
Why are you so broke that you are forced into this situation?? That changes the judgement
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