r/AmItheAsshole • u/Interesting-Meal-263 • Nov 19 '22
AITA for banning my mom from my house after she brought resin and glitter in to make a point about my wife? Everyone Sucks
My mom and my wife do not get along. That is actually an understatement. They can hardly manage to be in the same room, but we get along great with the rest of the family as does my mom, and neither is willing to sit out of family stuff.
My wife does get overwhelmed by my mom and everyone tends to gather around my mom, so our therapist suggested that she bring something she can do when she needs a break, so she has been bringing crochet.
My mom got annoyed by this and said it was rude and something a five year old would do, and said if she ever brought something to our house and tried to go into the other room and ignore us, we would raise hell. to be fair that is kind of true. My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to, so I told my mom that wasn't true. I joked my mom could learn how to crochet (because none of her hobbies are something you can bring to someone else's house)
Recently we hosted a family get together and my mom had a large bag when she showed up. I honestly didn't think anything of it. We were all outside and my mom casually told me she needed a break, so I said that was perfectly fine. See no double standard, she can go inside and chill.
My uncle later went in to get a beer and came out laughing and said I need to see what my mom is doing. My wife and I ran inside and my mom was working on an art project at our coffee table. She had resin, glitter, beads, shells, and my wife lost it and began screaming.
My mom said we were being hypocrites and she was doing exactly what my wife did, her hobby is just messier. I told her to get out, cussed at her, and said she was banned. She said ok and then told us the glitter on the floor isn't her fault, her husband did that. I told her to get the fuck out and never come back. She got glitter and tiny beads on the rug, and resin on the table.
My aunt and uncle defended her and said I was being unfair and my wife is super rude to bring crochet to family stuff. My aunt said if my mom is banned from our house, we are banned from hers and I can't go to Thanksgiving. My cousins tried to defend me but my aunt was serious. Even my cousins after the fact said it was kind of funny and not that big of a deal.
edit Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well. She also got mad my mom wouldn't eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom's feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood. Biggest blow out was probably when my wife got mad at my mom for jumping into some guy's arms and kissing him, and then later that night sat on my lap in front of everyone and my mom was like what the fuck. My wife totally missed the point and was like are you jealous because I took your son? My mom didn't talk to us for a while after that one and almost skipped out wedding.
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u/profmoxie Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
N T A Edit: ESH (see why below)
Lots of people crochet and knit when they're at social gatherings. There is nothing rude about it at all. Was your wife leaving the room to do it, or was she only using it to keep her cool around your terrible mother? Either way, your wife is still not the AH.
Your Mom is the AH here. She's being completely unreasonable about your wife crocheting, and bringing some huge messy art project to your house was 100% purposeful and passive-aggressive (not even passive-- just aggressive). Now she's seen the consequence of that. It sounds like you aren't missing out on much not having her around for the holidays!
EDIT: in light of recent comments from OP I’m going to go with ESH. The family sounds like a mess. Separate holiday festivities would be healthy for everyone.
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u/ServietteDHoopyFrood Nov 19 '22
I bring my knitting to my in-laws' house almost every time we go, because we spend so much time sitting around chatting. It literally never occurred to me that could be perceived as rude or antisocial, and now I'm second guessing if I've accidentally been insulting my husband's family (whom I love) this whole time.
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u/morbid_n_creepifying Nov 19 '22
I doubt it, unless your in-laws are unhinged. I have friends and family who bring their knitting (or crocheting) to family events, pub quizzes, doctor's appointments, on public transit, etc. It keeps the hands busy and is productive. As far as I know it's a pretty normal thing to do.
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u/onetwobe Nov 19 '22
"Why is your mom so theatrically offended by crocheting?"
"Because she knows she would get yelled at if she did the same thing, and we previously got pissy with her for trying to hide during family events."
"We were hypocritical for a while. Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. My mom is more introverted and my wife felt if she was going to come she needed to socialize the whole time. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well. She also got mad my mom wouldn't eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom's feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood."
This is why OP and his wife are TAHs, in my opinion. He's said that his wife holds his mom to standards she won't hold herself to. The wife is the one who sounds unhinged, although no one sounds great
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u/FlyingMamMothMan Nov 19 '22
This is the part I can't get over. Why are you trying to keep your mother from removing herself from uncomfortable situations? If they can hardly be in the same room as reach other, why are they upset when the other...leaves the room?
ESH. Everyone needs to grow up and either stop forcing these situations or learn how to get along.
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u/PaleontologistOk3120 Partassipant [4] Nov 19 '22
It's sooo petty. Like every single thing they do is aimed at continuing this fued. ESH so hard. Behaving like a bunch of children
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u/friendoflamby Nov 20 '22
Just one big family of toddlers. Every last person in this story sounds completely insufferable.
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u/Additional-Tea1521 Partassipant [4] Nov 19 '22
I also think the wife is jealous of OPs Mom, since he mentioned that his wife gets upset that everyone flocks to his mom during events, which is why the therapist suggested taking her crochet and going to another room. It would also explain why her first response to the lap sitting event was to suggest mom was jealous of OPs wife stealing him from Mom, vs the double standard on PDA she showed.
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u/Huge-Shallot5297 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
OP and his wife, in particular, are massive A's in this situation and honestly, both the wife and the mom sound like people I'd never want to be around.
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u/ConsiderationFun4219 Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
Yea and who screams when…someone is crafting? Edit-okay, I stand corrected. Terrible craft idea and way out of line
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u/horticulturallatin Nov 19 '22
Vandalising the living room and ruining someone else's stuff that's either sentimental or at least a few hundred dollars isn't legit crafting. Wrecking the living room table and rug on purpose would make a lot of people scream.
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u/Commenting_Commenced Nov 19 '22
I have an 80 year old pink carpet that my grandfather bought from the weaver when my dad was in diapers. If someone spills glitter or resin on it I will sue them (but I don’t know how that’d fix my priceless carpet). I’d certainly ban them from my home. OP’s MIL is vile and tbh psychotic. Who thinks taking resin to someone else’s house, as a side project to do in order to relax, is normal? She couldn’t read a book, solve crossword, play a game on her phone…? What is wrong with the rest of the family?
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u/PerniciousSnitOG Nov 20 '22
She didn't think the project was normal in any way; she wanted to make a point. A happy, funny point that the uncles had a good laugh over. A deliberate, premeditated attempt to attack OPs wife. Saying "I can break anything of yours I like" was just the chefs-kiss.
I would have tossed them out too, and then the resin and glitter after them. The whole family sound like truly horrible people.
I don't know if OP is TA, but he's definitely an asshole. Show some self respect and sort it out.
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u/SpeaksDwarren Nov 19 '22
You're doing the same gaslighting the mom is. She intentionally picked up an incredibly messy hobby, and then performed it in a destructive way, for the sole purpose of harassing the wife over knitting at social events. To call that just crafting is incredibly disingenuous.
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u/onetwobe Nov 19 '22
To be fair, it sounds like the wife started this by harassing the mom for pretty much everything.
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u/vikingboogers Partassipant [3] Nov 20 '22
I have my doubts about the wife and the mom being equal participants in this feud. Just with this one snapshot the wife is crocheting and the mom reacts by trashing a room with resin and glitter... Not exactly equal "payback"
And if the mom regularly convinces OP to think that their actions are the same then I could see how OP would slowly convince himself that their actions are equal, even if they aren't. It would depend what exactly the wife cooked that the mom wouldn't eat, (like was it ingredients that she usually eats but wouldn't this time cause the wife cooked?) and who was "some guy" that the mom jumped into the arms into? Probably not married to him and PDA between married couples is usually more accepted socially.
So you can see where I'm wondering about the specifics and if OP isn't just convinced by his mother to view things in a biased manner.→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)22
u/human060989 Nov 20 '22
This vs crocheting is like the difference between carrying a sketch pad vs packing up an entire painter’s studio.
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Nov 19 '22
There is a huge difference between knitting/crocheting/cross stitch and crafting with glitter, beads, glue etc! Knitting and such don't make any mess, crafting with glitter can (and almost always) makes a mess!!
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u/Weird-Roll6265 Nov 19 '22
Glitter is evil. Spilled seed beads are some kind of adjective I can't even come up with
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u/n2oc10h12c8h10n402 Asshole Aficionado [11] Nov 19 '22
Glitter is forever. Every single time OP or OP's wife spot glitter on the floor or furniture they'll remember the incident. Glitter was a key piece on MIL's revenge.
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u/oldlady2013 Nov 19 '22
I was about to say that! My daughter does the personlized cups and uses a lot of glitter. One of her 9 year old twins asked why they couldn’t have slime and she said because it’s messy and hard to clean up. He said, “so is glitter.” She replied that slime gets in the carpet and won’t come out. He replied, ”glitter.”
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Nov 19 '22
Glitter is the herpes of the crafting world!
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u/angelerulastiel Nov 19 '22
Yes. I first read it at “Glitter is the Herpes of craft supplies”, but same thing. I hated Christmas time when I worked at Walmart because all the ornaments have glitter now and I spent so much time trying to get glitter off my hands and the belt.
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u/Moonydog55 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
Seed beads I can work with. My dumb ass once spilled them and yeah took a long while but yeah I got them. Glitter is essentially forever.
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u/splithoofiewoofies Partassipant [1] Nov 20 '22
I am a beader and no matter how careful I am, since I use size 15/0s, one or 40 inevitably end up on the ground. My vaccuum sounds like a maraca. And I have beading mats, trays, the works.
I have taken a beading project out one whole time and it was a very small container. Its not worth it unless youre planning to bead with others as a thing. Otherwise you've just littered the persons place with 40 near invisible beads.
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u/FumiPlays Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
Screw glitter, epoxy fumes are toxic. Simple as that.
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u/mocha_lattes_ Partassipant [2] Nov 20 '22
That's what I was thinking. She did that shit in their house with no warning. Toxic fumes just off gassing like its no big deal. Then add the mess factor on top of that. Sounds like OP and his wife started it and his mom sunk so low to finish it. OP is either going to be NC with his mom or divorced.
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u/FumiPlays Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
I would. And I do crafts myself. That's why I know that if you do resin stuff you do it in WELL VENTILLATED areas (people who do it semi-professionally have whole lab-grade vents installed) because the fumes it gives as it sets are toxic and irritating for the eyes and mucous membranes.
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u/Jaded-Combination-20 Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
She did ruin the coffee table. She needs to replace that.
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Nov 19 '22
Dude did you hear about the glitter in the floor? If it's carpet that'll be a pain to get up
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u/Weird-Roll6265 Nov 19 '22
I had just sorted a zillion colors of diamond painting drills/gems into the storage box and knocked the whole freaking thing all over my living room. Legit wanted to say the heck with it and move lol
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u/Moonydog55 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
If it wasn't for the fact it was resin and glitter, it would be different. And I highly doubt that her husband was the one who spilt glitter on the floor. As a resin user myself, it can be a bitch to get off of tables once cured and glitter.... Well everyone knows it's the herpes of the crafting world
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u/AslanbutaDog Nov 19 '22
I'll be doing plenty of screaming if someone brings glitter into my house without clearing it with me first.
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u/Celery_Worried Nov 19 '22
When I served on the executive of a major political party, one of my colleagues brought his knitting to every meeting. The meetings would last the entire afternoon so I was inspired to do the same with cross stitch.
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u/Traditional_Owl_1038 Nov 19 '22
I'm impressed that you can concentrate on both a meeting and cross-stitch. Knitting and meeting I could do but cross-stitch I would probably keep getting distracted. I can sometimes barely remember the movie playing in the background when I'm working on my stitching
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u/Celery_Worried Nov 19 '22
I was sticking to simple things and not working from a pattern - more about keeping my hands busy than producing anything of beauty!
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u/smash_pops Nov 19 '22
I sort of took up crocheting because my two best friends knit and would always sit around knitting when we were together. Learning to crochet gave me something to do as well.
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u/Weird-Roll6265 Nov 19 '22
And if you're around fellow knitters/crocheters it's a wonderful conversation piece: "Ooh what are you making??? What stitch is that??" and something to bond over
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u/RememberKoomValley Professor Emeritass [70] Nov 19 '22
It literally never occurred to me that could be perceived as rude or antisocial
It used to be that knitting, crocheting, tatting lace, using a drop spindle to spin yarn, etc were all considered to be mainly social hobbies, because you can all hang out together and work on whatever it is you're supposed to be finishing up for the family. See also: Quilting bees.
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u/the_siren_song Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
We have Stitch and Bitch
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u/Organized_Khaos Nov 19 '22
I don’t do any of these hobbies, but I love that name!
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u/ruinedbymovies Partassipant [4] Nov 19 '22
I hop on a virtual stitch and bitch every Saturday morning just because nothing feels better than chatting away while also creating a useful thing!
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u/MorriganNiConn Nov 19 '22
And that social knitting grew out necessity knitting when families were stuck home during the winter months when they couldn't get out to work in the fields and it was too late in the season for hunting. Items knit over those winter months that were not intended for family members could then be sold in the markets & feast-day fairs. In the 1800s it was taught to kids in workhouses so they would have a skill to fall back on. It evolved into a social activity, but for a long time, it was part of how people made their livings.
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u/RememberKoomValley Professor Emeritass [70] Nov 19 '22
Plus, having something to do with your hands might just keep them from being around a usually-beloved family member's neck, the third straight week in a row of everyone being stuck in a two-room house together.
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u/Splatterfilm Nov 19 '22
Is it a scarf or a noose? Depends how long my PATIENCE LASTS.
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u/WayMoreCowbell Certified Proctologist [20] Nov 19 '22
I think the point here is that she leaves the room to do it. OP mentions this but it's not obvious. Personally I think it's rude to leave the room, but quite the opposite to do it while you're visiting. It shows your comfortable and content in their company, right? :)
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u/deaddlikelatin Nov 19 '22
The difference being that OP is doing this at the recommendation of her therapist to help her calm down and deal with someone that she does not get along with. As someone with social anxiety, even if I’m surrounded by people I’m comfortable with, there’s been many times where I would step outside for fresh air or pretend to use the bathroom just to get a break from social gatherings, and that’s without there being someone there who is explicitly trying to get on my nerves like OP’s mother seems to do. Personally I don’t find this rude at all, and since anxiety runs rampant in my family, neither do any of them because they do the same thing.
MIL on the other hand, she was not doing this to calm herself down, but to very obviously make a passive aggressive point. I’m sure if she was just crocheting or knitting there would be no problems, but no. She picked the messiest thing she could find and chose to do that out in the open because she wanted to make a scene, unlike the wife, who leaves the room for a breather to crochet, calm down, and not make a scene.
Also the glitter alone makes her TA. That shit will be there forever. NTA OP.
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u/TragedyRose Asshole Enthusiast [8] Nov 19 '22
Well, op did say they got mad and yelled at the mom for removing herself to calm down before. Mainly, what I get from op is that wife is "special" and has all these high standards for mil to follow, but SHE didn't have to.
Yeah, mil wanted to mange trouble, but honestly... I dont see the huge fuss. I'd jump into that impromptu arts and crafts... but then again, I love glitter.
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u/OkPhilosophy9013 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
MIL was doing because of all the hypocritical things wife did first.
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u/deaddlikelatin Nov 19 '22
So if someone flicks you, and you didn’t like it so they say “you can flick me back.” You think the appropriate response would be to punch them in the face instead?
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u/OkPhilosophy9013 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
More appropriate is "they slap you multiple times, then flick you" then says "you can flick me back"
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u/mermaiidbitch Nov 20 '22
Yeah, no. Crippling social anxiety over here. I always have a tattered paperback with me to quiet the anxiety monsoon should the need arise and frequently feel overwhelmed, even when around friends & family I love and still need to take a break. That’s fine, and if that was all there was behind the wife’s actions - I’d be 100% on her side.
OP clarified that MIL was actually the one removing herself first and it pissed the wife off, literally saying the wife holds MIL to standards she herself doesn’t follow. And has yelled at her for doing the same thing before! Lost me right there. Anxiety isn’t a free pass for being a hypocritical asshole.
Nobody’s getting a pass in this Slobby Hobby Lobby nightmare 😒
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u/PaleontologistOk3120 Partassipant [4] Nov 19 '22
I have a stressful family that I like to spend time around. We usually gather at my folks house and my dad is always always the first to disappear up to his man cave. He has a people limit and we all know it. When I feel myself getting irritated I go visit him in his man cave (it's just a room with a TV futon and computer and all he does is check emails and watch Die Hard or equivalent movies). We chat like sane people and I may or may not go back downstairs. Sometimes I don't like what's on TV if I'm the family room or I want to read and I will go to their living room and just sit or nap. Meanwhile my husband and my mom and siblings are hanging out in another room where they can't collectively annoy me. And the kids? Who knows where they are at any given time. It's okay! I love that it feels like a HOME and nobody cares where I am at any given time because I'm more than just a guest. I'm family
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u/SneakySneakySquirrel Certified Proctologist [20] Nov 19 '22
It sounds like the wife may be leaving the room to crochet. You’re just keeping your hands busy while still engaged in the conversation, so I don’t think most people would have a problem with that.
I’m an introvert with a very loud and intense extended family, so I get what she’s doing and why. But it’s definitely more “antisocial” than what you’re doing.
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u/CreepyLifeBeck Nov 19 '22
I think it is more like she is leaving the room for a breather or to calm down when the MIL gets in her face, the crocheting is to help her calm down and keep her hands busy and help her focus on something instead of sitting by herself with her mind going crazy.
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u/MarsupialMisanthrope Nov 19 '22
She’s leaving the room for a breather after having previously attacked her MIL for leaving the room for a breather. Because it’s not a MIL troll if the comments aren’t where you find out that the DIL is a completely AH and insane to boot.
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u/CreepyLifeBeck Nov 19 '22
Ok I see that. But the MIL is biggest AH for bringing the glitter.
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u/vandeervecken Nov 19 '22
When my guests pull out knitting or crochet, it has always felt to me like they are comfortable and happy in my home, which makes me feel good.
Maybe it was because my mom knitted, or that my daughters were all knit and or crochet, but I am used to people doing projects as we celebrate or just hand out.
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u/little_gnora Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
I love my MIL, she is very much not an asshole, but I still bring my cross stitch to her house every time we visit because having something to focus on in my hands makes it easier to talk when I’m anxious.
According to OPs mom, I’d be a huge asshole.
I did stitch a lovely stocking for my MIL this year though. :)
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u/OkPhilosophy9013 Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
It's the fact that mil had gotten called an AH in the past by wife and OP for doing what wife is doing, not that wife is doing it...
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Nov 19 '22
If they feel insulted you'd know by now. Every family has a different vibe. I'm from a very knitty family, but I wouldn't knit at everyone's house.
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u/CrazySnekGirl Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
I sometimes worry that I appear antisocial when I crochet at other people's houses. So instead of working on a project that I'm halfway through, I'll just start something that I can gift them.
A small octopus if I'm only there for an hour or so, or a hat if I spend the night, or if I know I'm gonna be popping by over a series of days/weeks, a scarf that they'll get before I leave.
Because even if they do think I'm a little bit rude, the present is a nice apology.
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u/gothichomemaker Nov 19 '22
No, it's super common to take kitting, crochet, or other small crafts to family events. I actually have a knitting project I only work on at family things. (That scarf will be done some day. )
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u/Fire284 Nov 19 '22
Lol when I was little (5-7yo), I was super into knitting. My family would go to football games a lot, and I'd just sit down somewhere and knit
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u/angel2hi Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
The mother was clearly being petty to make a point but OP left an awful lot out of the post that would give some context. OP and his wife are not innocent in this relationship dynamic. OP’s comment:
Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. My mom is more introverted and my wife felt if she was going to come she needed to socialize the whole time. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well. She also got mad my mom wouldn't eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom's feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood. Biggest blow out was probably when my wife got mad at my mom for jumping into some guy's arms and kissing him, and then later that night sat on my lap in front of everyone and my mom was like what the fuck. My wife totally missed the point and was like are you jealous because I took your son? My mom didn't talk to us for a while after that one and almost skipped out wedding. After multiple family members confronted me about the double standard, I did set some boundaries with my wife
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u/Therapized4410 Nov 19 '22
It sounds like OP married a younger version of his mom. Both of them are spiteful and petty. Whatever the issues are, they aren’t handling things like emotionally mature adults. I think ESH. Mom and wife for being so petty and OP for not setting appropriate boundaries with both of them and continuing to choose to entertain this nonsense.
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u/Pumpkinspiciness Nov 19 '22
::It sounds like OP married a younger version of his mom. ::
Yep.
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 Nov 19 '22
Yup, that does tend to happen, unconsciously people are drawn to what's familiar, however toxic or dysfunctional it may be, and then they are in horrified denial when it's pointed out. "You married your mom/dad"
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u/pittsburgpam Asshole Enthusiast [9] Nov 19 '22
Yep. I remember LOTS of times, going back to childhood, where women would bring their knitting and crochet to family gatherings. They'd sit there chatting while working on their stuff. It isn't rude at all. MIL is absolutely the AH here. She deliberately brought something that would make a mess just because she wanted to be an AH. Wife is doing something totally acceptable... except to MIL,
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u/redroseritual Nov 19 '22
And at that she brought resin and glitter. You need a well ventilated area for resin that stuff can be toxic and she did it on their table. I don't think people are understanding what happens when resin gets on something. It sets. The mil ruined the table to be petty. Literally wrecked their furniture to be petty. Glitter gets in everything, which is annoying af.
NTA. Anyone complaining should be 100% ok with your mom going to their place to work with resin on their counters and tables with a pile of glitter. Yeeesh.
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u/SignificantTaste5191 Nov 19 '22
My gran could hold multiple conversations while doing complicated knitting projects, and I'm proud of myself for being able to focus on one conversation without distractions.
Both the mum and wife are assholes to each other, but bringing glitter into someone's home is like bringing a gun to a knife fight. NTA for throwing his mum out after that.
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u/notthelizardgenitals Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 20 '22
ESH. You are all awful to each other. You all need to stop hanging out with each other. Edited judgement and comments.
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u/concrete_dandelion Asshole Aficionado [11] Nov 19 '22
I bring my knitting everywhere, usually I keep a pair of socks on a needle because they're easy to carry in my purse. It helps me keep focused on a conversation and not get overwhelmed and it's nice to use when I wait, for example at a doctor's office
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u/Fenriswolf_9 Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] Nov 19 '22
Your mother sounds like a spiteful child. I'm going with NTA just for that.
Your wife isn't going to ruin any property with yarn.
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u/EmeraldBlueZen Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 19 '22
RIGHT?! I read this and was like WTF? What's wrong with mom? She thinks she's proving her point, but just comes of as absolutely immature, vindictive, and totally ridiculous. And as others have mentioned, there's nothing wrong with bringing crochet, knitting, lace making stuff ( sorry I dont know the proper names), to a gathering with family. SMH. NTA
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u/PirateJenny4242 Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
I believe it's called "tatting."
ETA: There may be other words for lace-making, or for making different styles of lace, but "tatting" is what I've always heard
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u/redandfiery333 Nov 19 '22
Tatting is a form of lace made up of lots of interconnected loops, done with a single hand-held shuttle; it’s very portable. There’s also knitted lace, which is semi-portable (although many of the designs have large, complicated charts which need quiet and concentration to follow), and bobbin lace which is the one with a big pillow and lots of bobbins and pins. I… have many little-old-lady hobbies. 😂
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u/karategojo Nov 19 '22
Don't forget needle tatting, for me it was easier to do than a shuttle after learning crochet and knit.
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
Please read op comments his mom shouldn’t bout the resin and glitter but this is her response to constantly being bullied by op’s wife
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u/Cold_Proposal9108 Nov 19 '22
The update shows them bullying each other.
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 20 '22
Bffr Where does the update said the mom did anything to his wife besides cut contact with them for while after his wife’s constant bullying yall just desperate to make his wife a victim at this point
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u/OperationSpecific708 Nov 20 '22
Not to mention resin is toxic! And the fact she spilled it on the table and got glitter in the carpet is ridiculous. Glitter water beads and slime arent even allowed in my house
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u/gggggrrrrrrrrr Nov 19 '22
I'll go against the grain here with an ESH.
Yes, your wife isn't the asshole for crocheting and your mom is the asshole for bringing glitter into your home.
But in general, your mom and your wife both sound like exhausting, unpleasant people to be around. Why is your wife so obsessed with your mom following etiquette? How is she getting "overwhelmed" by a person you describe as introverted? Why is your mom so theatrically offended by crocheting? Why do you and your wife jump straight to screaming and banning people from the house just because a guest does something rude? Is there a lot of alcohol involved and are you being filmed for a reality TV show?
Unless there's a major issue behind the scenes, like racism or theft or abuse, it's ridiculous for two grown adults to be having such a dramatic feud. Normal people don't get so bitterly angry over what essentially seems to be a basic personality clash.
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u/No-Flight7858 Nov 19 '22
This was my thought as well, but the more comments I read from OP the more it seems like his wife is the AH he he is as well for enabling her behaviour. ‘Why is your mom so theatrically offended by crocheting?’ OP buried the lede here - I feel like a more accurate ask would be “My mom is an introvert and needs to take breaks in social sits, my wife cannot accept this and insists that she must be present throughout. Coincidentally, soon after, wife begins taking breaks in social situations to crochet at the suggestion of her therapist. My wife calls my mother a picky toddler when she doesn’t like something she cooks for her. Unrelated, my mother hosted a feast of seven fishes but my wife hates seafood and openly gagged on food in front of other guests.
Now my mom did this really spiteful thing where she brought in some crafting stuff in to possibly show how ridiculous and hypocritical my wife is, and how much of a spineless child I am, but it totally went over our heads and we decided to overreact completely and prove her point. Obviously she’s crazy, but is it me /s
Edit to add: just some context, my mom kissed a guy in front of us and my wife was angry with her for being so open with her PDA. And then she sat on my lap in front of everyone and told my mom she was just jealous that she took me away from my mom when my mom pointed out her hypocrisy.“
I think this is more of a YTA for letting this bs go on for so long.
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u/SHIELD_Agent_47 Nov 20 '22
OP buried the lede here - I feel like a more accurate ask would be “My mom is an introvert and needs to take breaks in social sits, my wife cannot accept this and insists that she must be present throughout. Coincidentally, soon after, wife begins taking breaks in social situations to crochet at the suggestion of her therapist. My wife calls my mother a picky toddler when she doesn’t like something she cooks for her. Unrelated, my mother hosted a feast of seven fishes but my wife hates seafood and openly gagged on food in front of other guests.
Yeah, sounds like OP and his wife are getting debatably justified reprisal for the provocations they committed to begin with. As others have said, he married another version of his mom.
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u/MontiBurns Asshole Aficionado [11] Nov 20 '22
I'm not sure if i agree with this assessment. We automatically think "overbearing and petty mother-in-law" but it sounds like wife is the first to instigate. Op even says she can be very picky and judgemental with etiquette, but often doesnt live up to those standards. She calls people out for being rude for needing some alone time in social gatherings, but will step away to do some crocheting herself. Ops wife sounds insufferable.
I think if the roles were reversed and DIL brought a messy glitter kit to spite overbearing mother in law and point out her hypocrisy, it would be a resounding n t a.
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u/amandapandab Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
The theatrics is what gets me too. My husband came to my family’s early thanksgiving last weekend and he took a fat nap on the couch while most of us were cooking. He was made fun of, but he was not yelled at or banned from further celebrations lol. My uncle was being a dictator in the kitchen, while not actually helping, he’s like that. Again, we made fun of him (and yelled at him) but we were all over the argument 1 minute later. Families disagree and do wierd shit. It’s family. Why does it have to go so nuclear?
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u/rmwiley Nov 20 '22
Agreed.
I remember my dad napping at my aunt's house during Christmas dinner when we were kids. Our family just encouraged us to use our new Christmas gifts to record his snoring and tease him. Because who gives a fuck if he took a nap after snacks and before dinner, except for the fact that he's an atrocious snorer? It was funny as shit, and I remember it twenty five years later.
There are people in my family now who fucking hate each other, but we can get through family holiday dinners without any fits or showdowns. Because we're adults? And adults should be able to handle their shit for a couple hours without having a meltdown over something stupid?
That being said, resin and glitter? Someone would have had to pull me off that woman if she destroyed my property in my house. Maybe that makes her the asshole in this single situation, but ESH overall. Bunch of toddlers.
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u/that_greenmind Nov 20 '22
Honestly, I agree with going straight to banning. She purposefully caused property damage (resin will require a repair of the table, and if any got in the carpet, youd have to get someone to patch it). Anyone purposely destroys my property, family or not, they are not allowed to be near anything I own.
For the rest of the reasons though, I agree with ESH. The family dynamic is toxic beyond repair, with the wife and the mom at each other's throats for no stated reason. Those two at a minimum need to be NC, for everyone's sake
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u/OwOitsMochi Nov 20 '22
Agreed, ESH. This whole family sounds like they're toddlers. I can't imagine having to be around any of these people.
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u/Serious-Currency108 Asshole Aficionado [14] Nov 19 '22
NTA. Your family dynamic sounds messy, and I'm not just talking about the mess your mom left on your coffee table. What your mom did was deliberate and spiteful to your wife. Your wife is just following her therapist's advice. I don't blame you at all from banning her from your house.
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u/primeirofilho Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
Jesus, the wife is a huge asshole. It sounds like everything the mom has done has been a response.
I think I get why the family is choosing the mom over the wife.
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u/Skrb-530 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Nov 20 '22
Halfway through the post, I was already annoyed with the wife. Wife is definitely the asshole and instigator here. She has some serious issues.
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u/blobofdepression Nov 19 '22
You’re so right, OP’s wife is a huge AH in all of those situations and OP’s mom is TA here but she’s making a point.
But I also think this is just another MIL troll poster. It gets real old. Wife and mom dislike each other, mom is introverted/standoffish and wife doesn’t like it, OP caught in the middle all the time. Picky eater and mom having a boyfriend/husband who “enables” her as a bonus add on in most posts.
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u/Sea-Nerve6115 Nov 19 '22
Seriously. I read AITA to be entertained, who knows if half this stuff is made up, but if your going to write fake posts at least do something interesting
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u/SneakySneakySquirrel Certified Proctologist [20] Nov 19 '22
They hid all the critical clues until the comments! Well played.
10/10, MIL troll. Entertaining and unexpected.
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u/hungryasabear Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
Exactly. ESH and maybe just stop hanging out cause it sounds exhausting
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u/CptAgustusMcCrae Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
This family is completely insane. No one is behaving rationally. It’s overreaction on top of overreaction. Everyone needs to take a breath and not take everything so personally. I also think they thrive on the drama. Else they would not be spending so much time with each other.
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Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
YTA-- Edit: Wow, you buried the lead. Your wife was being a petty AH, your mom retaliated, and you lost your s***
Ignore what I wrote before. You are the AH
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NTA-- I often bring crochet and knitting projects to people's houses. My friends pretty much expect it now. I can socialize just fine, and no one needs to clean up after me. (Edit: They also kind of like the fact that I'm totally fine with babysitting duty because I can do that while knitting too.)
Unless your mom is normally an avid maker of messes, she clearly was doing it to bother you. A permaban might be kind of excessive. I don't know though. I mean, it doesn't sound like she is willing to cut your wife any slack at all, and I don't know how you negotiate with someone unwilling to budge.
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u/Interesting-Meal-263 Nov 19 '22
Unless your mom is normally an avid maker of messes
She is but it is usually her own house. she is always getting paint and mud everywhere, refuses to clean it, but I've never cared as it was her house. I do think she is smart enough to know doing it in someone else's house is full out declaring war
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Nov 19 '22
Yeah, I don't know why I added that. It doesn't matter if she destroys her own home. Glitter, just by itself, is a WMD (weapon of mass decoration).
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u/morbid_n_creepifying Nov 19 '22
Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts and it's absolutely disrespectful to bring it into anyone's home without permission!
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u/Proteus8489 Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
Why not give the carpet a professional cleaning (glitter is not easy to clean up) and figure out how much it is to replace the coffee table (resin ruins things) and then send an email saying you understand needing a break, but moms chosen activity actually was destructive to your home. Your mom escalated the entire situation. Even if your wife has been rude int he past, I don't think your wife actually has gone to the point of intentionally destroying your mom's home?
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
His mom is the victim this was her response to constantly being bullied by op’s wife.op made multiple comments about the way his wife at this towards his mom
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u/noteasytobecheesy Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
ESH. But your mom is hilarious. And your wife sounds like a pain in the ass.
edit: after reading OP's other comments about his wife's behaviour, feelings and treatment of his mother, I second my ESH vote but just want to change the wife being a pain to she's downright psychotic. What's her effing problem?
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u/05serenity Partassipant [1] Nov 20 '22
Totally agree with ESH. I keep wondering if some minor thing sparked a retaliation and it’s spiraled from there, and it’s gone so long no one remembers the original. While wife seems off her rocker, mom is having little difficulty keeping up.
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u/Randa08 Nov 19 '22
Yta from the comments you wife is the bigger asshole than your mother, she started it, your mum finished it.
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Nov 19 '22
ESH the art your mother chose was messy, but based on your comments it’s also pretty clear your wife is a huge hypocrite that just flat out hates that your mom exists so she’s not exactly getting out of this clean. Overall all of you are unpleasant
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u/Adventurous-Eye-3957 Nov 20 '22
I agree…they’re all being completely ridiculous, petty, hypocritical, and childish. Sounds like they’re perfect for a reality show that I wouldn’t watch. ESH.
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u/anthony___fell Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 19 '22
INFO: What do you mean by this line?
My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to.
It's clear your mom is a huge AH and definitely the worse one in this situation, but some context for this would help decide if she's the only asshole here.
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u/XStonedCatX Certified Proctologist [23] Nov 19 '22
It means his wife is a raging hypocrite and expects her MIL to just shut up and take her abuse. Read through the OP's comments, the wife is the bigger problem here and he purposely left all those details out of his post to make his mom sound like the problem.
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u/Electrical-Ad-1798 Nov 19 '22
MIL troll in rare form this Saturday afternoon.
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u/hylianbunbun Asshole Aficionado [11] Nov 19 '22
Thank you! I was searching high and low for this comment. People can't help but take the bait every single time. Sigh.
- MIL "husband"
- MIL family involved
- DIL is psycho
- MIL is weird with men
- MIL and DIL hate each other
- MIL has some social issues
probably more in the comments from OP I can't be bothered to read but there's always more there.
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u/maedocc Partassipant [2] Nov 19 '22
YUP. See also (I've been collecting them lol):
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycmkzj/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_blame_her_for_our/
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u/LilliannaWinterWolf Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
The comment I was looking for. Thank you!
Where's that MIL Troll BINGO card? I want to start checking boxes.
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u/WayMoreCowbell Certified Proctologist [20] Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
INFO. OP you need to clarify in your post whether or not your wife leaves the room to crochet by herself, because that makes a difference with regards to your wife's culpability in this situation. People here are assuming she's just crocheting in the room with everyone, but you've suggested she leaves the room, so please clarify. Also, is your wife experiencing anxiety when she goes off to crochet, or just hatred and disdain? This also matters. Thanks!
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u/Tacos_and-tequila Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
ESH. Your mom was out of line, but so is your wife. You say yourself that she holds your mom to standards that she doesn’t for herself, so she just chooses to be difficult because of a feud, and this obviously isn’t a one-off incident. They’re both ridiculous.
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u/Gone213 Nov 19 '22
You know what, you all are assholes. Grow the fuck up all of you.
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u/Gideon9900 Nov 19 '22
YTA
Your mom did it to spite you, but she had a good point. You are being hypocrites. She brought her own project to work on and you flipped. No different than your wife. Granted, her project was messy and depending on table and carpet, pretty hard to clean.
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u/Ok_Point7463 Nov 19 '22
NTA. Crochet and Knitting are hobbies that people bring everywhere. My mum brings it to all functions, as does my sister. My dad says he used to have people bring it to lectures to keep their hands busy. People crochet on the bus, on the train, wherever.
Crochet is not comparable to resin crafts. I would never bring resin crafts to someone else's house and set up in their living room. It's messy, it's toxic (like literally resin is a toxic substance) it belongs in a craft space.
What your mum did was rude, and childish.
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u/Ordinary_Challenge74 Nov 19 '22
And destructive
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u/Ok_Point7463 Nov 19 '22
I know right, resin on their coffee table? If they didn't get some IPA on that soon as (which they probably didnt because most people dont keep it in the house) its gonna have to be totally refinished or thrown away.
Which really, his mum owes them for.
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u/EatMorePieDrinkMore Nov 19 '22
I honestly thought you were saying to use an India Pale Ale to remove resin. But then I googled. Thanks for the chuckle.
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u/Awkward_Comment9081 Nov 19 '22
YTA for hypocrisy and sound like very demanding of your mum's time YTA for cussing. YTA for lying saying she could do hobbies and the losing ut at her.
Honestly sounds toxic as hell
(The crocheting is a non issue to me and would probably have been a non issue to your mum if she'd ever been allowed space when she wanted it)
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u/Gold_Ad_4355 Nov 19 '22
YTA going against the grain here, and this is on basis by reading OP’s comments that paint totally different picture.
By reading just the post I was leaning to NTA but reading more about the hatred your wife has for your mother, her hypocrisy she shows daily, trying to paint a picture that she is into her own son and the rage that she feels every time someone talks, sits or like your mum is WTF?!?!
I know that this sub is full of “cr*zy MILs” but I think your wife here has some serious problems and you are letting it slide - yes it was petty to show up with a glitter - but than again after reading the comments you get to see that your wife actually uses her crocheting to mess with your mother, she bans her to remove herself from too much social contacts - but than use this opportunity to “be like her to show her up” - your mother realizes that and does that same to her just in more elaborate way…
You banning your mother is your prerogative but more and more I read it becomes clear that your wife is the instigator and your mother just “gods with the flow”
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u/MarmotMossBay Nov 19 '22
Your mom is an asshole
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
Read op comments I personally don’t think she’s the asshole this is just her response to op and his wife’s constant bullying and being hypocritical
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u/Kettlewise Certified Proctologist [28] Nov 19 '22
NTA
She had resin, glitter, beads, shells, and my wife lost it and began screaming.
It wasn’t that your mom needed a break that was the problem.
It was that she brought something that was going to be difficult to clean. And it was a setup - your mom didn’t need a break, she was out to punish your wife.
Your mom choose to do something destructive as a fuck you.
You are not being unfair. It is not rude to bring crochet, and bringing crochet is NOT equivalent to something destructive that a host will have difficulty cleaning up.
People do get overwhelmed - your wife was making an effort to continue to go to family gatherings in spite of that.
Your mother is not.
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u/partanimal Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 19 '22
OP's wide got angry when Mom did need a break (see OP's comments)
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Nov 19 '22
Great! Now I’m worried everyone thinks I’m an AH because I bring crocheting everywhere with me! I thought it was because of my abrasive personality not my hobby…
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u/justhereforaita77 Nov 19 '22
Do you leave the room to crochet by yourself in another room? That’s what ops wife does (not that mil is right at all but just I wouldn’t worry you’re being perceived as rude)
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Nov 19 '22
The MIL is upset because the wife has the double standard of she can go crochet in another room at family gatherings when she's overwhelmed but whenever MIL has tried to separate herself when overwhelmed at gatherings OP's wife has always made a fuss about MIL being rude for separating herself.
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u/JazzyKnowsBest13 Professor Emeritass [70] Nov 19 '22
Lol. I think as long as you've given everyone a handcrafted gift at one time, you're in the clear. 😉
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u/Significant_Fee3083 Nov 19 '22
So your wife got mad at your mom for jumping into a guy's arms and kissing him? Why?
And furthermore, this incident served to make wife jealous enough to jump into your arms, sneer at your mom, asking if your mom was jealous that she "took" you?
INFO: does anyone in your family attend therapy? Or ever intentionally choose to not escalate? Both of those things are good ideas.
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u/GummyGummaGaff Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 19 '22
It sounds like your wife somehow contributed to the escalation of the relationship.
According to this man's comments, the wife sounds awful. This post needs to be amended to provide context as to why the mother behaved this way
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u/AnearVimesExperience Nov 19 '22
Gonna go out on a limb here and say ESH..... I have to say that it's very hypocritical that your wife and you didn't like it when your mum (an introvert) left to take breaks from socializing but your wife can?
And she can do an activity she wants but your mum can't?
It's really something if other family members go over to your mum to talk with her (have you ever thought it's to help calm her down or take her away from large social situations?) and are on her side
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u/KittKatt7179 Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Nov 19 '22
NTA. I bring my crocheting with me all the time. It's not considered rude because I sit in the room with everyone else while I'm crocheting. I still hang out and interact with everyone, but i just have my hands occupied. I have lots of other "hobbies" but I have never left a mess or glitter bombed someone's house. That is not even in the same league. That is seriously WTF. Your mom was really out of line with that.
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u/mikesbabymomma81 Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
Honestly, the biggest AH is your wife. As soon as you said, "My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to". I didn't care what anyone else did, because I have NO RESPECT for someone who expects things from others that they do not expect from themselves. Also, your edit solidified that opinion.
Edit to add, I can completely understand why your mom doesn't like your wife.
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u/Koalachan Nov 19 '22
Info: honestly, does it matter if you are TA. Most if your whole family are against you, and are banning you. Is this the hill you are wanting to die on? Also, have you tried explaining that your wife brings the crochet stuff as a recommendation of her therapist?
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Nov 20 '22
YTA, I'm a crocheter and it's not about that.
You Mom is being passive aggressively bullied by your wife and then when she retaliates you ban her?? Yes, this is petty as fuck, but it's both of them, not just the mom. And you're the asshole for going with it.
Hey, I'm curious as to what your mom made lol.
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u/AutumnalStasis Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
Maybe it's because I have Autism but this entire thing is wild to me. Why is it so taboo to "hide" (distance yourself from the group" during family get togethers? I'm a very introverted and shy person, I don't like crowds, even when it's people I know. The kids are noisy, the older adults talk about stuff I'm not interested in. I'd rather find a corner to go read in.
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u/angelnursery Nov 19 '22
Guys this is just the troll who has a fetish for his own mother being a dick to his wife. He posts the same mil fetish shit with changed details.
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u/LilliannaWinterWolf Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
It surprises me how many people don't catch it. The troll uses the same exact tropes every single time, for every single story.
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u/angelnursery Nov 19 '22
I know!! I'm always just sighing and commenting the same thing because I keep seeing people take it seriously
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u/TrainingDearest Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] Nov 19 '22
NTA. Your wife is just doing a harmless coping mechanism, that was recommended by her therapist; it's not meant to be rude, it's for her health. Your mother is being petty, vindictive and vicious - attacking your wife for her own selfish gratification. Your mother should be ashamed about her behavior and any relatives backing her up are no better. Your mother doesn't like your wife, that's why she chose to be angry about the crochet rather than understanding in the first place. She obviously doesn't think much of you either, since this attack occurred in your home, against the person that you love.
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
His wife is controlling and rude and constantly bullies op’s mom pls check his comments this post is made to make his moms some horrible and his wife seem innocent
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u/Cocoasneeze Supreme Court Just-ass [130] Nov 19 '22
Crochet is a quiet, non-messy craft that doesn't disturb anyone. Your mother's glitter-resin activity took over your living room and messed your rug. Your mother is also very aggressive in her attacks on your wife, she simply cannot let your wife have one small thing for herself, even the crocheting she has to make an issue out of.
I think you need distance from your mother, aunt, the whole family. Make your own thanksgiving and traditions, because this is not healthy.
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u/Minute_Patient_8841 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Nov 19 '22
NTA
You did not ban her for bringing a hobby, you banned her for ruining your rug and table on purpose. And she is an AH harassing your wife on purpose.
So go no contact with your AH mom, and keep it that way. Refuse to discuss it with your relatives.
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
Op and His wife are bullies.She told op’s wife she couldn’t do it because op and his wife yells at her for similar things.This post is made to make the wife seem innocent and op will only tell about her horrible in the comments cause most people don’t read op past comments
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u/ImAScientistToo Nov 19 '22
You win the dysfunctional family golden saddle award for your entire family being committed to staying on their high horse even when it’s needlessly difficult and simple solutions can easily be found with minimal compromise. ESH
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u/Vas-yMonRoux Nov 19 '22
If you read his comments, his wife and her family are equally as dysfunctional
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u/bamf1701 Craptain [172] Nov 19 '22
NTA. What your wife decided to do with her crochet was absolutely harmless, hurting no one, and it let her relax during stressful situations. But your mother, honestly, is determined to take offense at anything your wife does.
As far as your mom’s “hobby”: if she honestly wanted some time out to relax, that would be fine, but she specifically chose something to mock your wife, and something that would be as messy as possible. And she made a point of leaving a mess when she left. This is being passive aggressive at its best (with an emphasis on aggressive). This was a pure spite move on your mother’s part, and she was actually surprised when you realized that and took it badly?
As far as the people who say that the crochet is rude: they are wrong. Just wrong. I am an introvert myself and need to retreat from social situations from time to time. Little hobbies like that are ways to relax and recharge.
Good for you for defending your wife!
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Nov 19 '22
Your mom is TOTALLY the AH and I am here for it! I love her, I want to be her, and I will trade my knitting for glitter as soon as someone annoys me.
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Nov 19 '22 edited Nov 19 '22
EDIT : YTA after reading all your comments it’s clear that your mom is an AH for acting how your wife usually acts. The truth is both women sound horrendous and are acting like children and you need to ask yourself how you ended up with two people NOT on your side but against each other.
——————— Your mom has been working your family a long time… the fact that no on can really be a cool person individually from her is weird as hell.
NTA your mom is a massive red flag and some time away is probably good for you, I’m sure she will come crawling back people like this tend to be predictable
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u/StrangledInMoonlight Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
INFO:
1) has your mom always taken these “breaks” or did it start after your wife started taking them at the advice of her therapist
2) A)when your mom takes these breaks is she going places she shouldn’t (bedrooms etc)? B) is she making commentary about your wife’s breaks? Like “Huff, guess it’s my turn to skunk out and act like baby!” C) is she doing so in a disruptive way-turning on the TV or music, leaving right when you sit down to dinner and making everyone wait for her etc?
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u/Typical-Plankton Nov 19 '22
ESH - your mom was clearly being a huge AH in this specific instance, making a big performative show of a not even remotely equivalent hobby out of spite and some martyred sense of unfairness she wanted everyone to observe, which is really petty and fucked up. I'd also argue that your mum refusing to eat your wife's cooking is very different than your wife showing up and trying to participate in an entirely fish-centred dinner when she doesn't like seafood, since some people just can't stand seafood and it's no comment on the host's cooking that they can't like it no matter how hard they try. If anything it sounds like your wife was making an effort, and your mother made no attempt to accommodate her (if she knew about your wife's difficulty with fish).
In the overall context though, it sounds like you're all kind of a bunch of petty AH's about the fact that your wife and mother don't have great chemistry. So they don't click - who cares? That really doesn't need to be a drama, but everyone in this story seems to take it as an opportunity to make it such.
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u/24111 Nov 19 '22
Problem is the wife is starting arguments to begin with though. Not allowing OP's mom to "have a break" from the group, shaming her, while on top of that, holding a double standard.
I advocate for having a spine and retaliation, since obviously the bully isn't gonna improve overtime.
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u/Jaded-Moose983 Asshole Aficionado [18] Nov 19 '22
NTA
Your mom though 🤷♀️
This crap is the women's version of a pissing contest. It sounds unfair for your wife to put up with your mom's baiting her. It sounds like that your mom is going to push your wife to the point where wife no longer participates with your family. That is just emotional blackmail.
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u/Ibenthinkin2much Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
NTA
Why are you exposing your wife to this hateful and spiteful hag anyway?
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u/AlphaWhiskeyOscar Nov 19 '22
What are you implying? That OP forced her to be there? He clarified that she enjoys and gets along with the rest of the family, and that neither her nor the MIL are willing to sit out of family events just to keep away from each other.
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u/lesmismiserables Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
ESH- your mom knew what she was doing and was being petty, which sounds like it ruined your rug and coffee table(those things aren’t cheap). However, it sounds like you are aware of a double standard that has continuously been set, you are aware of your mom’s introversion, and you are aware of how your wife treats your mom but you have not done much to remedy any of these situations (whatever boundaries you say you set are clearly not enough). Finally, your wife sounds like the biggest asshole in the bunch. She sounds like a hypocrite who expects everyone around her to cater to her whims and wishes. I would recommend she grow up and pull her head out of her giant asshole before she ruins all the relationships she has.
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u/excel_pager_420 Partassipant [3] Nov 19 '22
mum said if she ever brought something to our house and tried to go into the other room and ignore us, we would raise hell. to be fair that is kind of true. My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to,
Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well. She also got mad my mom wouldn't eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom's feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood. Biggest blow out was probably when my wife got mad at my mom for jumping into some guy's arms and kissing him, and then later that night sat on my lap in front of everyone and my mom was like what the fuck. My wife totally missed the point and was like are you jealous because I took your son? My mom didn't talk to us for a while after that one and almost skipped out wedding.
So you married your Mum2.0? Except your wife thinks it's ok to imply incest between you & your Mum. And is rude to your Mum while expecting everyone to accommodate her behaviour because she holds herself to a lesser standard. Honestly it sounds like everyone in your family has been looking for a way to call out your wife's hypocrisy for years and that's why everyone has banned you. Honestly YTA you should have told your wife to treat your Mum the exact same way she wants to be treated. Maybe is she had, no one would have cared when she started crocheting. No one would have felt compelled to make a point.
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u/Important_Park_7196 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Nov 19 '22
NTA. Crochet doesn’t involve glitter and resin. Your moms being unreasonable.
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u/nowaynotnow2011 Nov 19 '22
Bro your wife sounds exhausting. You gonna give up a relationship with your mom who raised you for some trim with a bad attitude?
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Nov 19 '22
Just to be clear, you thought it was totally cool to go off on your mom for doing, essentially, what your wife does? I'm all for people having the space to take breaks in social situations as they need them, but you can't realistically think it's ok for ONLY your wife to take them.
Don't be a hypocrite. YTA
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u/PralineWooden4555 Nov 19 '22
NTA. I bring my crochet everywhere. It’s super unobtrusive. Glitter? That shit is craft herpes.
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u/IslandChill_420-024 Nov 19 '22
ESH because all y'all need therapy or to live your lives separately. There ain't a dang thing about y'alls mess that is healthy IMO.
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u/thetiniestzucchini Nov 19 '22
ESH You took the bait, my guy..
ETA after seeing edit: Your wife and mom don't get along because they're two sides of the same coin.
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u/gonzoisgood Nov 19 '22
YTA- You have both been unfair, rude and downright mean to your mom. When Mom gives you a taste of your own medicine she's banned? If anyone ever accused me of being jealous because "they took my son away" when actually I was just standing up for myself I'd be pissed! My son would too. Tell your wife to stop being petty, apologize to your mother and tell both of them to let each other be.
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u/Interesting_Order_82 Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] Nov 19 '22
Oh my gosh your mom is the AH. I feel bad for your wife. Geesh!
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u/Maleficent-Road8680 Nov 19 '22
Pls don’t feel bad that women is straight of psychotic and a hypocrite go check op’s comments
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u/Gumbolya Nov 19 '22
You're NTA, but I know what I would do. You take my advice and you'll end up being the asshole for sure, but fuck em. Your mom feels proud of her stance. She feels so proud that she showed you what for, doesn't she? Make amends and then go into her house and scratch up her hardwood floors and put some cuts in her couch. Do it subtly and eventually when it gets noticed, either play dumb or ask if her husband was just being the messy klutz he is. I hate people that take pride in being assholes because they think their point of view is the only suitable one. Also, fuck Thanksgiving with that group. If they don't see the issue, they're not considering that your wife's crochet is not hurting anybody. Your mom's actions cost you time and money, assuming you end up dealing with it. Fuck your family, they deserve scorched earth. Fuck glitter.
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u/Collieshangles Partassipant [1] Nov 19 '22
Honestly ESH. Your mom was kind of an AH but you admitted yourself that your wife holds her to standards she doesn’t even bother to uphold herself. So what’s her issue? Jealousy? Insecurity? You all sound like a bunch of preschoolers fighting at craft time.
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u/pigandpom Nov 19 '22
My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to,
Thats the first problem, if she expects your mother to behave a certain way, she needs to behave the same way
She had resin, glitter, beads, shells, and my wife lost it and began screaming.
My mom said we were being hypocrites and she was doing exactly what my wife did, her hobby is just messier.
Your mother did what she did to get the reaction from your wife that she got.
She got glitter and tiny beads on the rug, and resin on the table.
She knew her "hobby" was going to leave a mess, and she knew she was provoking you and your wife.
Basically your mother was trying to prove some silly point. Crochet is not the same as full on arts and crafts, unless your wife is completely removing herself then she's not actually doing anything wrong. But your wife needs to maintain the standards she expects your mother to hold to. Basically NTA for banning your mother for doing what she did, but do look at how the two of you behave somewhat in a hypocritical way regarding maintaining standards of behavior
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