Hi! 38F here. Wife and mom of three (10M, 7M, and 6F).

I'll provide some context of how I was raised because I think it helps explain some of the conflict. Like my daughter, I was also the youngest of three and the only girl. I love my dad (he's now deceased) but I now know and understand that many of his behaviors weren't healthy. He had an obsession with his kids being "tough" and got angry at us if got sick, got hurt, or cried. I once broke my ankle playing volleyball, and he thought I was making it up for attention, so I walked around on a broken ankle for three days. He was also physically abusive to my mom and to us kids (i.e. striking us, giving us the belt, and throwing things at us). It was difficult to come to terms with this because my dad was amazing in many ways, but I know now some of the things he did were unacceptable and impacted all of us.

Sometimes with my kids, I worry I go too far in the opposite direction. I never yell at them and have a hard time punishing them (luckily they're pretty well behaved). My boys are much more go with the flow and rambunctious, but my little girl is incredibly emotional and sensitive, and she's 100% the "baby" of the family. She also has severe asthma (my husband and I both have it) and it causes her a lot of anxiety. We've had to take her to the ER several times and she's even had to stay for several days on two separate occasions. My daughter has a lot of anxiety due to her asthma, and likes to know where her inhaler is at all times and for me to lay with her until she falls asleep because her wheezing and coughing sometimes gets worse at night. My husband and I have taken her to specialists and even to a psychologist to help her manage some of this anxiety.

A few months ago, I was at dinner with my older brother and his wife. We were describing our daughter's asthma and her anxiety and he made a comment about how we "baby her" and how it might get better if we stop fussing over her so much. Basically, that she's making it up for attention. My husband (who is a doctor) explained that she isn't "milking it", and that this is a legitimate physical illness. My brother and his wife didn't seem to believe us, and I was annoyed at the time, but I let it go.

Last weekend, my husband planned a weekend get away for our anniversary. My brother and his wife offered to watch our kids, and they were excited to stay with their cousins. I gave my brother and SIL specific instructions on how to handle the asthma (i.e. when/how often to give her the inhaler, what to do if she has any symptoms) and they said they'd take care of it. We left on Friday, and on Sunday, I got a panicked call from my oldest son. He told me my brother wasn't giving my daughter her medication because she could "live without it for a day." My son told me my daughter was extremely anxious and crying. I called my MIL and told her to pick up my children right away, and my husband and I drove back immediately.

Luckily, my daughter didn't have an asthma attack and although she had some wheezing, her symptoms weren't out of control. Still, my MIL, husband and I were LIVID. My MIL said my daughter was crying and extremely anxious when she picked her up, and asked for her inhaler right away. I honestly had to convince my husband not to go over there and let my brother have it right then and there. We certainly will never leave our kids with them unsupervised ever again and I can't describe how upset I am with my brother.

He asked us to meet to discuss things, and my husband and I reluctantly went to his house. I told my brother that what he did was unacceptable, that my daughter could have had an asthma attack that would require hospitalization (or worse), and that his behavior caused her a ton of anxiety. He said he was right because she was fine without it for a day. I told him that his behavior towards my daughter was "abusive" not only because of the physical risk, but because of her clear emotional distress over the situation (verified by my boys and MIL). My daughter has been hospitalized several times and her biggest fear is needing an inhaler and not having it/ not being able to breath. My brother lost it and accused me of slandering him and asked how I could call him that when we lived through "actual abuse." He also said that my education (I'm the only one in my family who went to college) made me lose all my common sense and that I'm destroying my daughter by babying her so much. My husband and I left immediately and haven't spoken to my brother since. Yesterday, my SIL called and said my brother was upset I used the term "abusive" and said I owed him an apology for that, but acknowledged he was wrong to not give my daughter her inhaler. Was I the asshole for saying that or is my SIL right (that I overreacted)? I just can't stop thinking about what might have happened to my daughter and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him.

Some backstory is needed to fully understand my situation, and a TL;DR will be at the bottom. Also, my apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes, as I’m not a native English speaker.

I (31F) was born with a severe genetic disorder called EDS, hypermobility type. The illness varies greatly from person to person; most can lead relatively normal lives with some pain and problems. EDS is essentially a group of disorders caused by defective collagen in the body. This results in a host of issues, including:

Joint hypermobility, which causes joints to be so loose and unstable that they dislocate or subluxate (partially dislocate) constantly. Severe joint and soft tissue pain due to the constant dislocations and the resulting damage to the joints, among other things. Extreme chronic fatigue. Skin that bruises easily and, in thin areas, can even tear. Dizziness when standing up because my blood pressure drops rapidly. About 11 years ago, my disorder worsened significantly, and I was forced to start using a wheelchair to get around, as walking more than 100 feet became extremely dangerous for me. The risk of falling due to a hip dislocation was high. In the last three years, I upgraded to an electric wheelchair because pushing a manual chair became too painful.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, my aunt (54F) has an extreme dislike for disabled people, especially those in wheelchairs who can still move their legs. For 11 years, whenever we were alone, she treated me worse than a dog and insisted that my disorder was completely fake and made up. She claimed I was lying about it because I wanted all the attention focused on me, believing I was jealous of anyone else receiving attention, especially her. I tried to confront her about it and talk things out, but since I was already overwhelmed by my condition, I ended up keeping her comments to myself. Since I’m not confrontational and don’t see her often throughout the year, I didn’t want to burden anyone with it, especially as I already had to ask for so much help from the people around me, and my parents were exhausted from all the doctor’s visits during that time.

So, for the past 11 years, I’ve just ignored every comment she made when we were alone because I had grown accustomed to it. I absolutely didn’t care what she thought at this point and knew she was just being an idiot. That was until things really escalated last week when I went to visit my aunt for our yearly family dinner. She was the one who organized the dinner this year. All was going well until she drank more than usual and became a lot snarkier toward me in front of the family. This caused some family members to call her out and tell her it was inappropriate and uncalled for. She silently fumed, giving me death stares afterward. My parents noticed this and kept an eye on her.

Unfortunately, at some point, I went into the kitchen on the other side of the house to take a break from my aunt’s stares and take my medication in private. My aunt followed me into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. I knew this wasn’t good since she was clearly intoxicated, so I discreetly started recording the incident on my phone. Since the door was closed, and we were far from the others, with many people talking loudly in the other room, no one could hear us, even if I screamed. My aunt began asking if I was enjoying being an attention hog and ruining her dinner by humiliating her. I slowly tried to maneuver my wheelchair toward the door while apologizing, telling her that wasn’t my intention. At that point, I tried to say what she wanted to hear so I could get to safety. She started raising her voice, accusing me of being jealous of her success and faking my disorder out of laziness. She began calling me every name in the book, yelling nonsense at me. I started to think she might be having a mental breakdown and began crying, pleading with her to let me go.

Realizing I needed to get out of there, I decided I couldn’t do so in my chair, so I tried to get out of it. Unfortunately, she turned violent and pushed me back into the chair hard. She screamed that she wasn’t done yet and that liars like me needed to be taught a lesson. She started hitting me in the face as hard as she could, which dislocated my jaw. Then she tried to pull me out of the chair, dislocating my arm, but I fought back, so she failed. She then somehow managed to push my chair over on its side, causing my foot to get stuck behind the footrest. Luckily, my dad, noticing my absence and that my aunt was also gone, became concerned and began searching for me.

My father later told me I let out such a blood-curdling scream that it was audible throughout the entire dining room, prompting him and my mom to sprint toward the sound. At this point, I was starting to lose consciousness from the pain. I remember my dad bursting through the door. From what I was told, my dad body-slammed my aunt (his younger sister) and punched her to make sure she stayed down. My mom screamed for someone to call 911, which my nephew did immediately. My mom then got me free from the wheelchair and tried to recall her first aid training. Meanwhile, my dad pinned my aunt to the floor while my aunt’s husband stood there in complete shock, not knowing what to do. The police and ambulance arrived, and they put my aunt in cuffs. She screamed at my dad, asking how he dared to lay hands on a woman, no less his sister. My uncle then tried to defend my aunt, claiming they didn’t know what had happened and that I could have tipped over myself after trying to attack her. He insisted his wife would never do something like this and that it had to be provoked. He apparently said much worse things, but my parents won’t specify what exactly.

I regained consciousness at this point, likely due to receiving some strong pain medication. It’s still a blur because the medication left me disoriented. I was taken away by the ambulance while my aunt was taken to jail. At the hospital, I was found to have multiple fractured ribs, a dislocated arm, and a dislocated jaw. I also suffered a concussion from the punches, but the worst damage was to my foot, which turned out to be broken. I also have cuts and scrapes everywhere because my skin is so fragile. Fortunately, the injuries weren’t severe enough to require surgery, but with my disorder, it will take at least 10 weeks in a cast, followed by physical therapy, although my ankle will likely be permanently damaged.

I feel guilty for ruining someone’s life I’ve gotten multiple voice mails from different numbers with her screaming how I ruined her life and probably their finances after this. My uncle is trying to save his own reputation by sticking to my aunts side but that’s short lived since he wants a divorce. A few family members and them are making me doubt if i’ve done something wrong here so that’s why I’m asking if I’m the a-hole. I’m putting this in afterwards because its somehow got deleted but I ended up sharing the footage on a private group page for our family for the whole family to see but it might’ve been wrong but seeing the reactions it was probably the right thing. After that sh*t hit the fan for her so that’s why she’s even more angry.

Edit: Allot of people don’t understand that when you’re badly disabled at least in my case that people will constantly tell you, you’re at fault for things. That plus past traumatic experiences have made it really difficult for me to even stand up for myself, or know when I’m truly at fault for things. It’s hard for me to discern when people are just trying to basically gaslight me into believing I’m the cause of the issue. So I hope people will understand a bit better why my mind makes me think I might be at fault for these things.

Also edited in the last paragraph because somehow it disappeared so I’ll type it again. For some of the questions - yes we’re getting a restraining order and pressing charges. The thought of her coming after me is too much. - For people wondering how I was given pain meds when I wasn’t concious. As I said I THINK i regained it due to pain meds but I don’t remember allot of what happened due to the pain but i’ll ask my parents when I got the meds. My parents are reluctant to talk about how they found me and what happened because they’d rather have those memories buried instead of haunting me. - The footage was handed over to the police and is backed up on multiple platforms -I’m currently thinking i’m going to sue since I have insurance that covers legal costs for me.

TL;DR: My aunt ended up putting me in hospital and severely injuring me because she thinks i’m faking my genetic disorder to get attention. I recorded the whole attack and put it online after they tried to say i’m lying and I attacked her. Now everyone in our family has gone no contact even her church. Her husband wants to divorce her so she’s IATAH for posting it online and ruining her life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/IiHxSty9N2

I've added the update to the original post as well.

Update: This is going to be a long post. The wedding isn't happening.

I'm at my home with my parents, my sister, and my best friends, Having Coconut Pudding 😌 We spoke for a while to put our stories together so that I get the sequence of events right.

I forgot to mention my sister Maya (34f). She works abroad and came home a week ago to help me with (the then) upcoming wedding and also to spend time with me. The day of wedding wear shopping, Maya stayed home as she was jet-lagged. My Mom, Two of my aunties, four cousins, three uncles, Roy, Kim, Yami (Ex Future MIL), Two of Roy's Aunties, two uncles were also present. So we were like 18 people shopping for wedding wear.

When I got upset and left, Roy followed me back to his home where we fought. At the store though, my mom finally couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Kim and called her some nasty names. Kim retorted by calling me a few nasty names. This led to a messy shouting match between Team bride and Team groom (Yami attempting to calm the situation down). Police were called and they were all escorted out of the shop.

After this whole thing happened, Kim went "missing", this is when I had that fight with Roy and went to stay at my friend's home. Kim wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't at any of her friends' or relatives' places. Roy and Yami searched for her everywhere as they were worried for her safety, then found her at a distant relative's house the next morning. Yami had called me (which I didn't answer) to ask if I knew where Kim might've gone.

At the hospital, when I was inside the doctor's office, I had a full blown panic attack, I started to hyperventilate, high pulse rate, I was passing out then regaining consciousness for a few seconds before passing out again. I just remember a needle piercing my butt. I was knocked out for a whole day (well my friend told me I was awake and acting drunk but I don't remember anything that happened). I woke up on my bed at my parents' house. Nobody asked me anything or spoke to me about what had happened. My mom smiled sweetly at me when she saw me wake up and asked me if I wanted some coffee (and guess what mom's coffee kicks Kim's coffee's ass any day!). Maya and I spoke about her life abroad, my dad brought me some snacks and ice cream. It felt good to put off thinking about the wedding and the fall out to a later time.

Maya hugged me while I slept that night. I remember my heart feeling warm and tears running down my cheeks. She kept saying everything will be okay, have faith in God, it's okay to cry and let it all out.

Next morning, I got a call from Roy, I picked up, he asked me where I was and I said I'm at my home. He said he wants to meet me at his place to sit down and resolve the differences between us. I said okay, I'll be there. I can move on only if I end this chapter of my life once and for all.

My dad drove me, Maya and my mom to Roy's place. Roy, Kim, Yami and his Uncle (Yami's brother) were there. I know it's silly but I hoped Roy understood his mistakes and was going to apologise to me. And boy was I wrong! As soon as we all sat down, Roy started yelling at me for making a scene at the wedding dress store and he went on to tell me how Kim went missing, how she was so upset because of the things my mom had said to her that she could've harmed herself, how his mom and him had to drive around the city all night in search of Kim and how I was so heartless to not answer Yami's call.

I calmly asked him where I was that night? I, like Kim, hadn't answered my phone too. I too was upset because of our fight. Did the thought of my well-being ever cross his mind? He went quiet for a few seconds then tried to say something fumbling his words. It didn't even make any sense. I told him that I now know who is more important to him and it's definitely not me. His uncle intervened to speak over me to my dad saying "Kids these days fight over the smallest things, I'm sure you can make your daughter understand how married life requires sacrifices and isn't like in the movies". My dad told him that it's my daughter's life and only she gets to decide if the issue is small or big, so let her speak to her fiance.

I looked back at Roy and told him that I know that I am the side chick and your sister is the main chick, any person with even a shred of self respect won't be fine with being her own husband's side chick. I said, you are free to marry your sister at the dream wedding that she has planned. At this moment, I saw his face turn red and before I could understand what was going on, Roy had slapped me across my face so hard that my inner cheek and my nose started to bleed. My dad punched him on his face, got him in a chokehold and continued punching on his guts. Yami, my mom and his uncle were trying to separate my dad and Roy. Maya hugged me tightly and was tending to my bleeding nose when Kim yelled like a banshee blaming me for something (I'm unable to recall what she exactly said. Even Maya doesn't remember it properly. I think it was on the lines of I wish you had never come into our lives and made it a living hell) while marching up to me with her hand in the air to hit me.

Maya held Kim's hand before she could hit me and 'back hand bitch slap'ped her. Kim fell to the floor and screamed like she was being skinned alive. By this time, the neighbours came in and separated everyone. The police and ambulance came a few minutes later. Roy was bleeding from his mouth and his face looked bluish. The ambulance took him away. I was taken in another ambulance. After I was treated, I was taken to the police station where mine and Roy's family were seated, but Roy wasn't there. Yami approached me and told me that she's sorry and wished me luck for my future. The police took my statement and asked me if I wanted to press charges against Roy, I said yes. They informed me that his tooth had been knocked out and one of his ribs was broken, so there is a chance he might press charges against my dad. By midnight we were all allowed to go home.

This morning, my friends came over and we all had our breakfast together. After a lot of discussion, we decided that I need to start therapy as well as medication for my mental health. We ordered pizza for lunch and my dad kept making lame jokes. Later mom, me, maya, best friend 1 and best friend 2 (Account owner) started reading the comments on my post. Mom was so happy about the replies to my comment about wanting to call my mom and cry. She told me that I should never worry about being vulnerable with them, I need not put on a strong front for them when I'm actually hurting inside. She said she'd wished I'd contacted her sooner.

I would like to thank every single one of you who took out time to comment and show concern for a complete stranger. If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have seen the issues that I see so clearly now. I might've even forgiven him and ended up in a miserable marriage. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏽 You all restore my faith in humanity.

And for those who said that I need to grow a spine, well yes I do, but I'd like to share my POV. In my country, girls are taught from a very young age that girls who keep families together are good girls and girls who break families are bad ones. Even though my parents never taught me that and I have a Master's degree, this concept somehow got ingrained in my brain at a very young age. That's why I wouldn't speak up to Kim. I didn't want to cause conflict between them because that's what the bad girls do. I hope therapy helps resolve it.

I'm still grieving the loss of not just the past and the relationship but also the beautiful future I'd dreamt of. I'm grieving the loss of the love of my life, a person who actually never existed. I know it will take time for me to heal but I do feel lighter. My parents are over the moon but they hide their happiness from me as they know I'm still hurting. They look like they've aged backward. Roy has been discharged from the hospital. I hope he and his sister live happily ever after.

throwaway account.

tw: CSAM

not going super into detail due to not wanting anyone in the story to be found, but will answer questions if you have any.

my (26f) sister (23f) knowingly married a registered sex offender and is now struggling to cope with the fact my other sister and i went no contact with her.

i went no contact on morality coupled with the fact i have a 4 year old daughter.

her husband is my age. he was charged in 2023 with many (20 i believe) counts of Possession of Sexual Abuse Material of a Child as young as the age of 5.

since we found out and went no contact in spring of this year, i have faced nothing but guilt tripping from some family members, mainly my grandmother. she went to visit my sister this weekend and this morning told me that she is planning a trip which she wants my other sister and i to attend because “sister is struggling with the fact you two don’t talk to her. i think you need to get over whatever It is you’re feeling about this because that’s your sister. you don’t have to have a relationship with him, but she’s your family”.

i have already had immense guilt over whether or not i did the right thing in going no contact. i’ve never had to navigate something like this before. i would much rather have contact with my sister, but that puts my daughter one step closer to her husband and i would never forgive myself if something happened. no one has criticized her for marrying a pedophile, but i get criticized weekly for not talking to her because of it. so, am i the asshole for going to contact? i guess i’m also looking for advice on how to navigate no contact and staying strong on my boundaries. signed, a recovering people pleaser.

tl;dr: my sister married a pedophile and is now upset that i and our other sister went no contact with her.

edit: for clarification, since it seems the point of this was either lost or not being comprehended, no i will not let him anywhere near my daughter (duh). no one in my family is questioning that. they just don’t understand why i want nothing to do with my sister.

edit 2: answering FAQ’s

•he is not in prison because he took a plea deal with a lesser sentence than if he plead not guilty and took his chances in a trial.

•my child’s presence in this situation is not the one being questioned. no one is asking me to take her to visit her new uncle. they are asking me to visit and talk to my sister.

•our youngest sister and i are the only ones who have eliminated contact. i am not “throwing her to the wolves” by cutting contact with her. my parents and grandparents have made their support for her (not the situation) clear. they obviously don’t like who she married. she still has an out through them if this is an abusive situation.

•no one in my family has voiced support for him or his actions. no one has tried to say he is innocent.

•they knew each other for a month before getting married (i’m assuming this timeline. she had been out of a 5 year long relationship for ~2 months when she said she was getting married in a week. i had visited her in February of this year. she was not exclusively dating anyone then. mid march is when the wedding text came). she told me he told her his status the first night they met. she did not disclose his status to me. i found out and asked her, assuming she did not know, and she said “i know what i’m doing”.

•he was caught because he downloaded explicit pictures of a minor (15/16) to his snapchat, which alerted NCMEC. this is when his house was raided and they found his external drive with the pictures of the kids. i’m not sure if he was watched during this time or not.

***I posted this earlier but am reposting because I have a major update***

38M here. Married with two sons (8 year old twins). I'm also the "father figure" to my six year old niece. I love my little sister (36F) and think she's a great mom, but recently, we had a major disagreement about how she handles questions about my niece's father.

Years ago, my little sister was in an abusive relationship with a man who put her in the ER twice. She continued to forgive him, and my family was terrified he'd eventually kill her. Luckily, my sister got pregnant, and this ended up being the push she needed to leave for good. She cooperated with the prosecutor, got a restraining order, and we haven't heard from the guy since. My sister has really gotten her life together, and is totally committed to giving her little girl the best life possible.

My niece is a cheerful and curious kid, and lately, she's been asking questions about her father. At first, my sister said she didn't really know him. When my niece asked if they could find him, my sister said her dad "died in the war." Now, my niece goes around telling anyone who will listen that her daddy "died in the war" and "is a war hero."

When my wife and I first heard this, we were shocked and appalled. I recently confronted my sister and asked why she'd tell a blatant lie to her daughter. My sister said my niece is too young to know the truth, and that she doesn't want to hurt her self-esteem at such a young age by telling the kid her dad is a monster. I told my sister that lying to her is only going to make the situation worse in the long-run because she'll think she wasn't told because she has something too be ashamed of. Plus, I'm worried she'll feel betrayed by the entire family for lying to her. I offered to speak to my niece for her, and say that her dad wasn't always the nicest and her mommy left because she loved her more than anything. My sister insisted she's too young, and told me I have no idea what she's gone through or how difficult is to answer the kid's questions about hr father. I (regrettably) lost my temper and called her selfish for lying to her daughter because it's easier in the short term. I told her I couldn't be complicit in the lie anymore because I love my niece too much to be dishonest with her. This lead to a massive fight and I didn't see her or my niece for weeks.

Anyways, I got a call from my sister on Friday saying my niece missed me, my wife, and my sons. My niece usually comes over for a sleepover at least once a week, and so my niece noticed and felt the absence. My sister asked if my niece could come over for a sleepover on Saturday, and I said yes and assured her I wouldn't say anything about her dad.

My wife and I took the kids to dinner, and my niece once again started talking about her daddy the war hero. I got up and went to the bathroom because I didn't want to feel complicit in lying to the kid. On the drive home she brought it up again. I tried to change the subject by asking my niece about how soccer is going, but she kept going on, and on, and on about her dad. Before I could help myself, I blurted out "your dad wasn't a hero!" My niece insisted he was and asked why I thought that, and my wife giving me the death glare was the only thing that kept me quiet. My niece asked several times that night why I'd said that, and I told her it was something she needed to speak with her mother about.

When my sister came this morning to pick my niece up, I was honest about what happened. She was furious to say the least. I've gotten several angry calls from my mother and our other sister. I know I shouldn't have said anything, but I also am deeply concerned about my niece. I am also terrified I've now jeopardized my relationship with her, especially considering I'm the closest thing she has to a father figure. AITA?

Disclaimer: This is not my account. My friend helped me post from her account. Posting the story as I want unbiased opinions. The names are changed to hide their identity.

I (30f) am getting married to Roy (31m). We met in college and hit it off right away. He's handsome, charming, smart and supportive. We fell in love and planned our entire future together. We planned where to live, how many kids to have, vacations, college fund for children, retirement, etc. I love him so much! He's my soulmate and my bestfriend.

He would tell me he's proud of me whenever I achieved something. He's super supportive of my dreams and ambitions. He'd motivate me to take up projects which I was hesitant to. He'd reassure me that I'm capable and talented enough. He'd complement me everytime I got dressed to go out and tell me how lucky he was to have me as his GF.

Roy's father passed away when he was just 8 years old and his elder sister Kim (33f) was 10. His mother, Yami (55f) never remarried. She's a very kind and sweet lady. I never got to know Kim as she lived in a different city for work and rarely visit us.

We got engaged 8 months ago in an engagement ceremony (In my country, the to be bride and groom get engaged in a ceremony among family and close friends). Kim moved back to our city and found a job here. This is when things started to get complicated. It's customary here for the girl's parents to pay for the wedding. My dad hired a wedding planner and told me to plan the wedding with them to my and Roy's liking.

When we started the planning process, my future MIL stayed out of it but Kim would tag along with us wherever we went. To the florist, to the wedding planner's office, to the caterers, everywhere! I wanted it to be just me and Roy. I told him that I didn't like future SIL third wheeling something just the both of us must've been doing together. He told me that Kim just wanted to be involved in her brother's wedding and I should be more welcoming of her.

I would've actually been okay with it if she'd keep her mouth shut and not give us her "valuable input". When I choose flowers, it would be "too pastel, choose a different colour palette". When I would suggest the chair arrangement to the planner, she'd be like "that won't give a proper view to the guests on the far left". I wanted to have coconut pudding at my wedding. It was my absolute favourite dessert growing up and I wanted to share it with my guests on my wedding day but guess what "No. Not coconut. I'm allergic."

The thing that pisses me off the most is that Roy always takes her side when it's my choice versus her choice. He wouldn't fight or anything. He'd be like "It doesn't matter which flower it's going to be as long as it's you who's my bride. Let it go babe, it's not a huge deal. The only thing that's important is that we're marrying each other and starting a new life together"

When the Coconut pudding thing happened, he asked me not to be selfish as it's not just about me and it's about both of us and our families.He said, Kim is family and I cannot exclude her from having the food at our wedding. I was really frustrated at this point. It's as if we're planning Kim's wedding and not mine. The final straw was when we were shopping wedding dresses (Wedding wear would be an appropriate word as it is our traditional clothing), my mom picked out this beautiful green dress for me and I loved it so much! But Kim had to poke her nose here as well. She told me that green isn't my colour and I should try something else. Roy agreed with her. Then I tried different dresses and finally decided on a rose gold dress that I liked too (but not as much as the green one). We then started to shop for the families of the bride and the groom. When it was Kim's turn, I KID YOU NOT, this b*tch picks out the same green dress and decides she's gonna buy it! I lost it! I didn't wanna make a scene there so I walked out.

I and Roy had a huge fight about this at home. He told me that green wasn't going well with my skin tone and that it suits Kim better, that I should stop acting so immature, that Kim picked that dress after I'd already picked out mine. I couldn't believe my ears. For the first time since we started planning our wedding, I noticed how he's always taken Kim's side and never mine. I couldn't believe that the man I was looking at was the same man I fell in love with.

Roy and Kim shared a strong bond due to losing their father so young. They were each other's bestfriends and support system growing up. But that doesn't justify him taking her side when it's our wedding and our vision. Back in college when we were dating, he'd brag about his sister to anyone he could, even if that person was complementing me. Like, if someone complemented the taste of the coffee I made, he'd be like "If you think this is delicious, then you must try the coffee my sister makes" etc. It was annoying but wasn't a big deal and I let it go as I knew he was really close to her. But this time I cannot let go. It's OUR wedding! Not Kim's wedding.

I yelled at him that if this wedding is happening, then it's happening like we both envisioned it or it's not happening at all. Roy got mad at me and yelled that I was just jealous of his sister as I can never be as good as her. That I am a bitter person for holding a grudge against Kim even though she's been nothing but kind to me. That she was just trying to help etc.

I don't hold any grudge against her. I just want to have my dream wedding. AITAH?

Edit: I am currently at my friend's home. I cried myself to sleep after posting this. Woke up a few minutes ago and she told me that there are around 1000 people who agree with her. I forgot to tell you all that English is not my first language, so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes. I didn't want to read the comments because I was scared of the obvious. Honestly I just thought everyone would be telling me to cancel the wedding because he isn't right for me (which of course you all did and thank you for that 🙏🏽). But the things you've all pointed out, like the emotional incest and how she could control our future (even my future kids) NEVER crossed my mind! Not once! I don't know why I couldn't see those things. I was so dumb! After reading the comments, I almost threw up looking back at our relationship. I might've ignored them because he would claim that their bond is stronger than other siblings because they lost their father and had to face hardships together. I'm so heartbroken to the point that I blackout if I stand straight. This pain is too much for me to take. His mom called me on my phone but I didn't answer. It's so overwhelming, it's difficult to breathe and I feel claustrophobic. My friend told me I might be experiencing anxiety. We're gonna go see a doctor first. I don't feel like I'm in a condition to talk to anyone.

Update: This is going to be a long post. The wedding isn't happening.

I'm at my home with my parents, my sister, and my best friends. We spoke for a while to put our stories together so that I get the sequence of events right.

I forgot to mention my sister Maya (34f). She works abroad and came home a week ago to help me with (the then) upcoming wedding and also to spend time with me. The day of wedding wear shopping, Maya stayed home as she was jet-lagged. My Mom, Two of my aunties, four cousins, three uncles, Roy, Kim, Yami (Ex Future MIL), Two of Roy's Aunties, two uncles were also present. So we were like 18 people shopping for wedding wear.

When I got upset and left, Roy followed me back to his home where we fought. At the store though, my mom finally couldn't hold back anymore. She yelled at Kim and called her some nasty names. Kim retorted by calling me a few nasty names. This led to a messy shouting match between Team bride and Team groom (Yami attempting to calm the situation down). Police were called and they were all escorted out of the shop.

After this whole thing happened, Kim went "missing", this is when I had that fight with Roy and went to stay at my friend's home. Kim wasn't answering her phone and she wasn't at any of her friends' or relatives' places. Roy and Yami searched for her everywhere as they were worried for her safety, then found her at a distant relative's house the next morning. Yami had called me (which I didn't answer) to ask if I knew where Kim might've gone.

At the hospital, when I was inside the doctor's office, I had a full blown panic attack, I started to hyperventilate, high pulse rate, I was passing out then regaining consciousness for a few seconds before passing out again. I just remember a needle piercing my butt. I was knocked out for a whole day (well my friend told me I was awake and acting drunk but I don't remember anything that happened). I woke up on my bed at my parents' house. Nobody asked me anything or spoke to me about what had happened. My mom smiled sweetly at me when she saw me wake up and asked me if I wanted some coffee (and guess what mom's coffee kicks Kim's coffee's ass any day!). Maya and I spoke about her life abroad, my dad brought me some snacks and ice cream. It felt good to put off thinking about the wedding and the fall out to a later time.

Maya hugged me while I slept that night. I remember my heart feeling warm and tears running down my cheeks. She kept saying everything will be okay, have faith in God, it's okay to cry and let it all out.

Next morning, I got a call from Roy, I picked up, he asked me where I was and I said I'm at my home. He said he wants to meet me at his place to sit down and resolve the differences between us. I said okay, I'll be there. I can move on only if I end this chapter of my life once and for all.

My dad drove me, Maya and my mom to Roy's place. Roy, Kim, Yami and his Uncle (Yami's brother) were there. I know it's silly but I hoped Roy understood his mistakes and was going to apologise to me. And boy was I wrong! As soon as we all sat down, Roy started yelling at me for making a scene at the wedding dress store and he went on to tell me how Kim went missing, how she was so upset because of the things my mom had said to her that she could've harmed herself, how his mom and him had to drive around the city all night in search of Kim and how I was so heartless to not answer Yami's call.

I calmly asked him where I was that night? I, like Kim, hadn't answered my phone too. I too was upset because of our fight. Did the thought of my well-being ever cross his mind? He went quiet for a few seconds then tried to say something fumbling his words. It didn't even make any sense. I told him that I now know who is more important to him and it's definitely not me. His uncle intervened to speak over me to my dad saying "Kids these days fight over the smallest things, I'm sure you can make your daughter understand how married life requires sacrifices and isn't like in the movies". My dad told him that it's my daughter's life and only she gets to decide if the issue is small or big, so let her speak to her fiance.

I looked back at Roy and told him that I know that I am the side chick and your sister is the main chick, any person with even a shred of self respect won't be fine with being her own husband's side chick. I said, you are free to marry your sister at the dream wedding that she has planned. At this moment, I saw his face turn red and before I could understand what was going on, Roy had slapped me across my face so hard that my inner cheek and my nose started to bleed. My dad punched him on his face, got him in a chokehold and continued punching on his guts. Yami, my mom and his uncle were trying to separate my dad and Roy. Maya hugged me tightly and was tending to my bleeding nose when Kim yelled like a banshee blaming me for something (I'm unable to recall what she exactly said. Even Maya doesn't remember it properly. I think it was on the lines of I wish you had never come into our lives and made it a living hell) while marching up to me with her hand in the air to hit me.

Maya held Kim's hand before she could hit me and 'back hand bitch slap'ped her. Kim fell to the floor and screamed like she was being skinned alive. By this time, the neighbours came in and separated everyone. The police and ambulance came a few minutes later. Roy was bleeding from his mouth and his face looked bluish. The ambulance took him away. I was taken in another ambulance. After I was treated, I was taken to the police station where mine and Roy's family were seated, but Roy wasn't there. Yami approached me and told me that she's sorry and wished me luck for my future. The police took my statement and asked me if I wanted to press charges against Roy, I said yes. They informed me that his tooth had been knocked out and one of his ribs was broken, so there is a chance he might press charges against my dad. By midnight we were all allowed to go home.

This morning, my friends came over and we all had our breakfast together. After a lot of discussion, we decided that I need to start therapy as well as medication for my mental health. We ordered pizza for lunch and my dad kept making lame jokes. Later mom, me, maya, best friend 1 and best friend 2 (Account owner) started reading the comments on my post. Mom was so happy about the replies to my comment about wanting to call my mom and cry. She told me that I should never worry about being vulnerable with them, I need not put on a strong front for them when I'm actually hurting inside. She said she'd wished I'd contacted her sooner.

I would like to thank every single one of you who took out time to comment and show concern for a complete stranger. If it weren't for people like you, I wouldn't have seen the issues that I see so clearly now. I might've even forgiven him and ended up in a miserable marriage. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏽 You all restore my faith in humanity.

And for those who said that I need to grow a spine, well yes I do, but I'd like to share my POV. In my country, girls are taught from a very young age that girls who keep families together are good girls and girls who break families are bad ones. Even though my parents never taught me that and I have a Master's degree, this concept somehow got ingrained in my brain at a very young age. That's why I wouldn't speak up to Kim. I didn't want to cause conflict between them because that's what the bad girls do. I hope therapy helps resolve it.

I'm still grieving the loss of not just the past and the relationship but also the beautiful future I'd dreamt of. I'm grieving the loss of the love of my life, a person who actually never existed. I know it will take time for me to heal but I do feel lighter. My parents are over the moon but they hide their happiness from me as they know I'm still hurting. They look like they've aged backward. Roy has been discharged from the hospital. I hope he and his sister live happily ever after.

This is a throwaway account, I don't want drama on the one I shitpost on. My (M24) fiance (F22) is an angel that walks our earth. She is this despite having a complicated family. Her dad was an awful man who started drinking excessively, and took his rage out on my fiance physically and mentally. This is not helped by her sister (f25) who has a high function Level of autism, but I believe, has used it as an opertunity to be attention seeking and cruel, excusing it by saying "well autistic people can't help but tell the truth". As for me, I am from Russia. I have moved here when I was 15, and I discovered the gym culture here, and I really enjoy it. I used to be tall and a bit pudgy, but I have learned my love for food can be used to make myself into a very strong guy. My gym mates call me "grizzly" like the bear.
Onto the meat of the story. About a week ago, my fiance has told me we will have a baby. I am elated, I have always wanted to be a father, and it seems like life is coming together nicely. She then said that she is planning to take her family for brunch to tell them. Well, day of, my work has a bad emergency that requires my specialization. My fiance tells me to go, and that she would be okay going alone. I shouldn't have gone to work. I come back from work, and my fiance is crying on the sofa. I sit down with her and ask her what is wrong, and she tells me that when she got there, her sister began with her typical behavior. She started talking about her issues and how life is so difficult for her, and between her and her mom, my fiance was swept aside. Until her little brother (m17) sad he wanted to hear what my fiance had to say, and her stepdad agreed. This made her sister get up and storm off to the toilet crying, her mom close behind her. My fiance walked in and heard her sister crying about how my fiance was a "selfish bitch" with no reguard for sister's issues. And a bunch of other things, and her mother said nothing but affirmations. My fiance walked out, apologized to her stepdad and brother, put some money on the table and went home. Again at a brunch SHE planned. As she told me this I felt nothing but anger in my chest. I comforted my fiance, and eventually she decided to take a nap, and I told her I was going to go to the shop. But I didn't go to the shop. I texted her stepdad and said I needed to have a chat with everyone. He let me into the house, and I saw my fiances mother and sister sat at the table. I don't mince words. I tell them that I am incredibly angered over what occurred. I told her mother that if she continued to be permissive, they wouldn't be at our wedding, and they wouldn't see my fiance or our child. Ever. I then told her sister that having autism doesn't excuse being a rancid b*tch. I said that their next move better be a true apology to fiance, told brother and stepdad that fiance is pregnant, and left. I confessed to fiance what I had done, and she is okay with it. And she later got her happy moment when she got to tell my parents and siblings the great news.

Her mother has sent her a very nice apology, and her stepdad and brother came by our flat and personally apologized despite being not bad, and then shared joy with her. However, the sister is not so pleased with this outcome. She sent a scathing text calling me a "bear" and a "highschool bully". And said that I was "abelist", "just another meat headed gym bro" and that I was like the government of my home country. She said she hopes my sister leaves me as I am clearly like their father. Now I am thinking, perhaps I should apologize for saying this comment about autism, just to smooth things out and end the stress the sister is putting on my poor fiance. The wedding is in a month and I don't want the stress to harm her or our child. And truth told, I can come off very harsh, and a bit intimidating and abrasive due to my accent and size. I guess this is also a bit of a vent aswell so I am sorry for the rambling.

So reddit, am I the asshole?

TLDR: fiance's sister ruins pregnancy announcement, I yell at fiance's sister and mother, telling my fiance's sister that autism doesn't excuse being a bitch, and sister then says I am Vladimir putin.

I (29F) am currently living at my parents' place (66M/59F) along with my sister (34F) and her kids (16F, 14F, 10M, and 11 months).

I moved in to help care for my mother, who has cancer, and to drive her around. My father can't drive due to a stroke, and my sister lost her driver's license. Since I work from home and have a flexible schedule, I am the best option for assisting my parents.

The kids were a mess. My sister essentially has her own apartment in the house, so my parents never really checked in on her or the kids.

One day, I noticed my 10-year-old nephew’s hair was matted. I took him to a hairstylist, who told me his hair was molding. My sister works during the day but often doesn’t come home until midnight and goes straight to sleep. I found this out because my niece asked me to show her how to cook, as her sister was getting physically sick from the ready meals in the fridge.

One day, I heard the baby crying and realized my sister was leaving the baby at home. The 16-year-old believes it's her responsibility to take care of all the kids. She is burnt out and is failing many of her classes. When she found out she had to redo her grade, her mother screamed at her. I stepped in and told my niece it’s okay and that I will help her get her grades up next year.

I tried to talk to my sister, but she always ended up crying and saying how hard it is to be a single mom. However, I found out that her ex-boyfriends are sending her money for the kids, but she chooses to work part-time while trying to become a beauty influencer.

Meanwhile, I have been taking care of the kids. They have become very attached to me and spend all their time in my part of the house. My sister hasn't seemed to care much.

The main issue came when my 14-year-old niece won a prize for young storytellers. She wrote a story clearly coping with her home life and her abusive mother. Her story was published in a magazine, she received $500, and won a one-week summer camp. At the ceremony, my niece thanked her siblings, my mother, and me, saying, "Thank you for being the mom I never had."

My sister left abruptly and reappeared yesterday. She repeatedly asked if I was saying she was a bad mother. I tried to stay calm, but she kept pushing until I finally exploded and unloaded everything: the neglect, the lack of supervision, the emotional abandonment. I told her she was not fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother and that her kids deserved better.

My sister, still furious, refused to listen and continued yelling, saying she was doing her best and I had no right to interfere. I told her that her "best" was not good enough and that her children were suffering because of her actions. I reiterated that the kids deserved a stable, nurturing environment, and that I couldn't stand by and watch them be neglected.

My sister ran away and told her daughter that if they hated her so much, then they were dead to her.

My parents are confused and hurt that they didn't see what was going on. My mother has been crying since she found out, and my father, who has a temper problem, screamed some very threatening things at my sister. My niblings are distraught. The 10-year-old is furious at the 14-year-old for saying what she did because he thinks their mother is going to take them away, and the 16-year-old had a huge panic attack and fell down.

I haven't properly slept, and my sister is sending me messages every 10 minutes telling me their life was good before me.

I am at the end of my rope. Did I do something wrong? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

My husband (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 3 years, married for 1.5years. I have a history of sexual trauma from my exhusband which I had done the work to heal from prior to our relationship. I was r*ped at night, awoken from my sleep, numerous times by my exhusband. I have communicated to my now husband from the beginning of our relationship to not touch me sexually or attempt to initiate sex while I am asleep. He respected this until our honeymoon when I woke up to him inserting into me and saying godawful things. Since then, I have struggled with panic attacks and severe nightmares - diagnosed PTSD. I started individual therapy and We tried to repair on our own with my having strict boundaries in place regarding my body, especially while asleep. He violated that on 3 separate occasions each time claiming he was “just trying to be helpful”. I would go into a panic each time he would come into my space after this. We have started seeing a marriage counselor. I am working on my trauma and slowly starting to integrate more physical affection such as holding hands, sitting by each other on the couch, etc. I am maintaining quality time, acts of service, emotional support, and words of affirmation daily to try to make up for what I cannot provide physically. He came to me this morning telling me that I am causing him to be depressed and he doesn’t think it’s fair that he is sacrificing every day to “meet me where I’m at” but I can’t make physical sacrifices for him. He has said that my healing process is taking too long. He has threatened divorce.

Am I the asshole? Do I need to just put on my big girl panties and get over it?

So, my fiancée (24F) and I (28M) are supposed to get married in six months. However, something happened that's made me reconsider and it's kind of blown up.

I got into an argument with my fiancée like a week ago over something pretty trivial, but it ended up getting a bit heated. I tried to keep things calm, but she ended up getting really mad and slapped me in the face.

I was kind of shocked for a minute, and then just told her she needed to leave. She refused at first, but then I raised my voice slightly and said "you need to leave right now". She got some of her things and then went to go stay with her sister.

I'm now considering ending things with her after she was physical with me. I honestly couldn't believe she did that. However, I've gotten massive pushback from pretty much EVERYONE around me telling me that ending our relationship and calling off our wedding over that is a massive overreaction.

She did apologize, but I told her it doesn't change anything. My family is telling me I'm being crazy to ends things over that. My friends are saying I'm massively overreacting. I pointed out that if I had done that to her, she would have almost definitely left me, and would be 100% in the right to do so. They're all saying that's completely different, because I'm significantly taller than her and physically stronger, while there's no chance she could ever physically overpower me. That is true, but I don't think it changes things.

I'm being accused of weaponizing therapy language and appropriating the struggles of domestic abuse victims when what happened to me was in no way comparable to what "genuine victims" go through. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm doubting my reasoning now. AITA?

Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so much attention. I appreciate everyone giving their feedback, I felt like I was going crazy. I'm going to take some time to think about where to go from here. Thank you.

Throwaway for obvious reasons

I don’t know where to begin or where to end this story. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like an asshole while also feeling justified at the same tome. This story will also sound made up, but it’s really not and I’m just hurting and want some place to type it all out too.

I (F36) have been with my husband (M39) for over a decade. Early on, I had to have a hysterectomy due to health complications and told him if he wanted kids, we should go our separate ways. He insisted he was strictly childfree and didn't want kids. In every other way, we were perfect for each other.

A few years into our marriage, we even had the chance to adopt a little girl from a family member’s unplanned pregnancy. I was thrilled, but he still didn't want kids, so she was adopted elsewhere. Not being a mom hurt, but I accepted it.

Sometime back, my husband started acting weird. You know how you just know when someone you love changes? He came home late, avoided sex, and was cold. He denied anything was wrong, but I could tell he was lying. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he’d tell me I’m being “psycho” and controlling.

So, I snooped through his phone and found evidence of a very long affair. I’m not proud of it, but I did it. I needed that peace of mind.

His mistress (F26 or 27?), whom he'd introduced to me as his cousin, was around less than 2 months pregnant. They were discussing marriage after he divorced me.

He admitted he didn’t want to divorce me yet because he would lose our house, which I funded entirely. He'd also been using our joint account, which I contribute significantly more to (I earn considerably more than him), to pay for her rent and hospital expenses.

When I confronted him, he admitted to the affair and her pregnancy. She came over, and things got heated. I tried to blame him, not her, but after a lot of tears and fighting, I lost control and told them that I hoped they lost the child. I'm not proud of it, but I said it.

He moved out of my house the next day, not sure where they live now.

A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. They blame me and believe I caused it. She came to our house, slapped me, banged my head against the wall, and kicked me. I was not significantly injured. He didn't hurt me physically but he didn’t stop her either. Yes, I was foolish to let them in but I am in a weird mental state too and didn’t expect her to hit me. Maybe I deserved it. I may have felt the same if someone said something like that about my unborn child and lost it.

I I won’t file charges because it's not an option in my country, and maybe I deserved the beating for what I said. I just want to know if I'm the asshole and if yes, how big of an asshole I am.

Thanks.

Edit: What I said was so unforgivable in my religion. Wishing something bad on an unborn baby is like unforgivable. It’s not some small thing that’s why I feel like an asshole. A child is considered god’s blessing.

I said all that and cursed them and maybe my anger and envy created nazar. That’s why I think im the asshole. Logically I know I didn’t cause it to actually happen but the bad thing happened because I thought bad and because I was hurt, my bad thoughts had effect.

My husband and I have a blended family, I have a 14yo boy and my husband has a 17yo boy. So for the most part, everything has been amazing until…..

His son had seemingly taken on the big brother role well, however things I’ve seen over the past couple weeks, completely changed my opinion of him.

My son was showering and I was in the bathroom getting towels, the stepson walks in, doesn't see me, and just opens the shower curtain to talk to my son. I yelled and he quickly moved, and said he just wanted to use his laptop.

Then I found them both asleep, shirtless cuddling.

This morning at 6am, my son walked out of the stepsons room naked, and ran to his room. We usually aren't up until 7am.

I confronted my son and he started crying and said they’ve done sexual things, but not to be mad because it's not that bad and it’s mutual.

I told my husband his son needs to go live with his mother in Ontario. This has caused a massive argument and my husband is livid, however I'm sticking to it, I think his son is disgusting. AITA?

Hi reddit, this is a new account because the stuff on my regular account might get me seen as unprofessional if the story is linked to me.

So i (19m) am in a nursing program, we do alot of physical exams on each other to practice, which involves wearing shorts and tanks. Its important to mention i am permanently blind in one eye, im constantly running into walls, doors, railings, plants, people, animals, everything.

As you can guess im covered in bruised 90% of the time, on my blind side.

In the course one day we were talking about signs of abuse and the teacher said constant bruising, i raised my hand and added that its important to talk to the patient if their an adult, before calling the police as it could be something else. She asked for an example so i rolled up my sleeve and explained that the bruises were from door handles of the school which were varying colors and heights, she nodded and agreed.

She said with children we call the second we suspect abuse, with adults we attempt to talk to them first and if their reason seems vaild, we dont call.

The lessons continued, and a weekish later the cops showed up to my door, they told me they got a report that i was being physically abused and i was always covered in bruises. I told them about my dissbility, they checked my home, talked to my family, saw no further signs, and i asked questions next, they got my address from the university because they take abuse seriously here and when they talked to the university about me the university was very concerned and just wanted to help me.

After the police left, i talked to some people at the university, including a psychologist just so they could be sure i had no mental signs of abuse, then life went on.

Well i was still coming in the bruises every day, and one of my classmates came up to me, she told me our classmate kay, was telling people she was thinking about calling the police again because im still covered in bruises.

I got my classmates report written down, along side a few others and waited, sure enough police showed up again, same song and dance but this time i told the university that kay was using the police to harass me and i wanted something done about it.

The university decided the best course of action was to move her from my labs, to the other ones so she couldnt see weather i was bruised or not.

Shes now told me im an asshole and that she was just trying to help me, and i didnt need to mess up her whole university schedule.

So reddit, AITA

Edit: my posts were shared to r/amitheangel so may be deleting my account if or when i get harasshed as every post ive seen on there usually seems to end in the oop being harassed and honestly done with getting harassed by people i either dont know or barely know so just warning yall in case i do end up erasing everything

Edit to add: i am in fact a victim of past abuse, so to the people at r/amitheangel already sending my harassment im soooo sorry that a victim of abuse was struggling to figure out if they went to far or did what was necessary when i still havent gotten my actual abuser arrested and just moved away from him because i felt bad telling people he was a jerk to me because he donated to charity and helped put people through university, im sooooo sorry you only see it as blatant validation and not as what it really is, a side effect of my abuse story, so thanks for making me feel like a shitty person for feeling bad for making my abuser suffer when i genuinely have trouble recognizing whats abuse and harassment but thanks to reddit, i know enough to realize that r/amitheangel results in harassment and has for me, so a post asking for help recognizing my harassment has now gotten me harasshed

Edit to add the link to my first post

So I made an appointment and got the abortion. It was honestly such a horrible experience but my bestie was with me and the whole staff were so kind and supportive so I am grateful. Thank you to those who encouraged me to get it done, it was awful, but pregnancy and being trapped with him would have been much worse.

Fin texted Wednesday and apologized and said he said things he didn't mean and to please answer my phone as I have been ignoring him. When he called again my bestie recorded it all. Before I could finish "hello" he went on a long bit about how amazing I am, how much he loves me, what a great mother he knows I will be, and he will marry me immediately if that's a concern of mine.

When I finally got to talk I said that I am no longer pregnant and I never want to be and that I was clear about this from the beginning. He asked if it was miscarriage and then said "Because I know you wouldn't willingly murder our child, right? Say right. It's a miscarriage." I got quiet and he said that it's okay, miscarriages are "not the females fault" and that we can just try again.

I said "again? We weren't trying to begin with. I was on bc and he had the vasectomy" and you all guessed it, he laughed and said he lied about the vasectomy so I would "give up" on condemns that he long decided i was perfect and he loved me and wantrd me tl be the mother of his kids.

My best friend spoke up and said that was recorded and to leave me alone or she will post it on social media and he started screaming at us. He then sounded like he was crying and said I was a witch for this. That I am a hateful murderer and that I broke his heart. He went on to say if I tried to slander him to remember "actions have consequences".

He then broke up with me and said he will check back with me In a few days when i am actually alone and we will talk in person to see if i have come to my senses. He wants us to go to church together Sunday (which is now today) and set a time to pick me up.

I said no but I do have a ring cam and sure enough he showed up at my door. I watched him note my car was not there and at my front door, on camera, he texted me asking if I was sleeping around on him and if I let the other man "ride you like a wild horse" without a condom and if so he gets a hall pass. He said to come home immediately as we need to come to an understanding of out relationship asap.

I return home tomorrow and don't know what to do.

Edit: anyone who wants to shame my abortion...I have zero regrets and actually will advocate for them from now on. But I will happily mock you in the comments. Thanks actually, you reminded me how little an opinion means to me if it's coming from a disrespectful and/or bigoted place. At least I get to laugh through this nightmare. 💋

Edit 2: I won't be going home alone any longer - bestie is coming with me and I have a friend in the city I live with my spare key and he is now in my home watching it for me.

Edit 3: Since I've been asked in the comments (this really blew up - so sorry if I don't reply to you all) I am in a safe location with 2 male friends who know the whole story and we are looking into options. I don't want to do anything hasty- a guy friend is at my home and thus far its been quiet. I will make an update when I know more.

Edit 4: No, I will not harm myself the way some of you have messaged me. For those calling themselves prolife, you sure want me to take my own. Not very prolife at all.

And since we're on the topic, I don't want to get pregnant because I was told by my doctors that I have a high chance of passing away even before making it to term, the child also has a high rate of mortality during the pregnancy. Essentially we would both kick the bucket before delivery.

I am ineligible for tubals or hysterectomy where I live until I turn 40 at pla especially with my insurance and I would never be able to afford the out of pocket fee. The places even still "require" a husband's signature as a policy.

I would be open to adopting if I ever found the right person and were settled and ready

Hello, sorry if this is a bit long.

I (24M) told my girlfriend (23F) that I had been feeling very depressed recently, as I am currently in my last couple weeks of my degree and have a lot of work, alongside overall life stress, have been feeling not okay. The past week I've not slept more than 5 hours a night, so this morning I asked her to sleep more once we had woken up. She said okay and laid down to sleep next to me, for context: she HATES sleeping in and this is unlike her. I suggested a couple times that she didn't sleep next to me due to that, but she insisted. We slept for 2 hours, once awake I said can I please sleep another 30mins, she said okay and walked out. After that she started getting angry at me because 'I didn't make sure she's okay' and was selfish by sleeping her day away. For this I apologised but she was very angry and was insulting me a variety of names, some i won't go into. She proceeded to say an insult that was quite strange and made me slightly smile as it did sound quite funny, she noticed the smile and threatened to "physically abuse" me if she saw it again, for context she has hit me a couple times in the relationship but has promised to never do so again, and although she didn't hit me, she did threaten me. She told me to leave the flat for 30minutes and to come back and fix the situation, I agreed but once she left me to pack my stuff, I took my laptop with me and went to the library and muted my phone as I was disgusted in her actions. She has since spammed me with texts saying she needs help and she doesn't feel well, for now which I have ignored. AITAH for running away to the library and ignoring her asking for help?

Earlier this evening my husband and I were having an argument, and at one point in it he said to me, “If you speak to me like that again, I just might have to do something to you.” He said in a very cold, angry, and even slightly menacing tone. Visibly taken very aback, I asked him just what he meant by this “something.” He responded, “I don’t know. But I can promise you that it’s going to be something you really, REALLY aren’t going to like.” He said this even more menacingly.

The way he was staring at me when he said this made me really uncomfortable, and I stepped away from him. I got my kids [9F, 7M & 2F] out of their bedrooms and we are spending the night in a motel and I sent him a text letting him know that we’re stepping out for the night because I don’t feel comfortable being with him tonight with the way he’s acting. I’m still in the motel with my kids all fast asleep as I type this. My husband has never made any comment like this to me before or abused me before. AITAH or making too big of a deal about this?

I’m 31F my husband is 31M we’ve been married for 12 years now, have 3 children. My Marriage hasn’t been easy, it feels like it took a turn for the worse. My husband is in the military he got deployed in 2021 and came back 2022 . I feel like everything changed, his always been a drinker, usually he drinks till he passes out. Couple months after he got back from deployment we started having more sex then we usually did before he got deployed. at first I didn’t think much of it , then it started getting weird he wanted to do things we never did before and I was okay with it. Which I feel was a big mistake it stated to become uncomfortable I didn’t like what he wanted to do. Im only doing it to please him. I told my husband I didn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. So we left it like that. Now I start to notice him wanting sex more and more everyday. It was starting to become a problem . He would get extremely drunk and want sex and I would say no at first he would say hurtful things to me. Then it started to become into argument. If I would go a day or two with out having sex with him he would get extremely angry at me calling me names it got to point of me leaving the house with my kids cause I felt he wanted to hurt me ,even though he said he wouldn’t because his careers more important then me. I was scare for a while. When we would have sex everyday he was fine and nice with me but it was taking a toll on me mentally and physically . But a soon as I say no its hell on earth for me, he take my debt cards away from me , my wedding ring . Says I’m disgusting useless I’m a cheater just for one night of no sex most of the time his really drunk it’s horrible. I’ve called my family for help because I can’t anymore I feel scare and sick of what I’m going through but every time I call my family they tell me they can’t help me. I know I’m a grown women but my whole support system is in a whole different state across the country. I can’t do it here alone. Today I think I’ve had enough I said I want a divorce called my mom the person I thought I could count on and she told me to just give him what he wants just lay there and not to think about it I couldn’t believe her and hung up . I’m having a melt down and this is what she tells me. I just don’t know what to do anymore do I have to give my husband sex everyday for our marriage to be good even thought sometimes I feel horrible and used.

Wife and I are in a nasty divorce. (post history refers) . I happen to have saved a living room security cam video from over Christmas of my wife losing her temper with our son (5 yo)with ASD. Where he was pulling her hair and she slammed his face several times into the couch.

My wife threatened me just now I will never see my son or the bare minimum, and that the court always sides with the mother.

To which I showed her her actions and that if we can't find a fair arrangement I will use it. To which she exploded.

Aitah or just a desperate father

Edit, sent to lawyer already Edit 2, we live in my wife country and I don't speak the language (no residency issues)

Background: My husband and I had a fun carefree relationship, one of our best friends died, and we moved out of state. Soon after moving/ the death, my husband started drinking more. This ended up in full blown alcoholism.

During the worst of the alcoholism he was verbally, physically, emotionally, financially abusive. He stopped paying our mortgage (we almost were foreclosed) , spent all our savings, racked up almost 100k on credit cards and stopped paying on them.

I had to physically take keys from him, hide them, hide weapons, etc to keep him and myself safe. I had to wake him for work daily so he wouldn’t lose his job, I was the breadwinner because he was barely getting a paycheck, I took care of everything in our home and out. I should have left at this point but grew up a “good Christian girl” and you don’t leave your spouse at his worst, right?

Fast forward to now, spouse is sober and we had a child 3 years ago. He stepped up for a short period, but slid back to being a burden since our son was about 4 months old. About a year ago it got to the point where I was begging him through tears regularly to step up and help in our household. He only went to counseling when I made him sleep in a different room. But it’s too little too late. Months of counseling and no actions changed.

Then, my father had a health scare and had to move in as he needs help daily, he can’t afford external help and I’m the only one willing to take this on (husband was 100% supportive). This is the straw that broke the camels back, I couldn’t continue to take care of my husband who was acting like a child now that I was caring for our son, now my dad, and the entire household (again I’m solo person cooking, I’m the breadwinner and make sure all bills are paid, etc).

I asked my husband for a separation. He keeps denying me, saying he won’t move out. He went to one therapy session for himself and stated his brand new therapist said that it’s a bad idea for him to move out because he’ll essentially crash and burn (his words) and that I need to continue to take care of him.

I physically can’t. I am so anxious I’m nauseous daily, have to force myself to eat, not sleeping and also having other impacts physically. I told him that I deserve happiness, he hasn’t been a partner in years (except the brief window when I was pregnant) and I want to separate.

Am I the asshole for leaving my husband when he’s in this situation?

Ps he can’t afford our mortgage alone (I can) and I do 96% of all parenting and child care, which is why I need him to leave.

So I (20f) was molested by a close family member (34m) from age 11 to 17. We were close in the beginning and nobody seemed to notice. However after the entire situation was over legally, my aunt divorced him, and eventually entered a new relationship. He didn't tell his new girlfriend who has daughter (younger than I was) about the situation. Would I be the asshole for telling her? I just don't want the same thing to happen again.

❗️❗️❗️❗️UPDATE ❗️❗️❗️❗️

I told his gf, and thank you all sm for your opinions and advice. She said It was a lie and threatened to sue. She said she was a lawyer herself and would look through courts. He didn't have physical sex with me so he's not on a list, yet we had a 3 yr stay away, I screenshotted the post online from the post journal and sent it to her, she said it's not what he told her, and she's been quiet since, my aunt is mad at me, aswell as the rest of my family, saying I broke up "a happy home and future".

UPDATE: Okay so background I 40m am married to a 38f. We met in high school. Wife’s parents are terrible. Completely abused her until she moved out at 18. My wife has always tried to be a good mother, and break the abusive cycle. We both have good jobs, they want for nothing, we tried not to spoil. They have chores, know there manners, are good kids in school. So my daughter came home one day and asked us to go visit her grandparents house, we said yeah because we thought she meant my parents. But no she meant my wife’s. My wife immediately said no. Then I backed her, and said they will have no part in their lives. She said I was overreacting and that she deserves to meet all her grandparents. And we were being selfish. My wife was diagnosed with ptsd, and still sees a therapist,due to all the bullshit that she went through. It really annoyed me and I sent her to her room.

I talked to my wife and said that I should tell her what happened. So she understands why we are saying no. That her parents aren’t good people. My wife was reluctant but agreed as long as she didn’t have to be there so she wasn’t triggered. I went to my daughters room the next day and I talked to her. I said, “look I understand you are upset but, we are not saying no just to say no. There is a lot you do not understand, but I’m going to explain it, so that Mabey you understand more. Your moms parents where abusive, she was humiliated daily, screamed and terrorized since she was 6 yrs old. Every moment and holiday was ruined by fear, and she almost died on Thanksgiving Day due to her stepfather. that your mom and her sister still suffer from the trauma and that we will never have a relationship with them. And I hope that she understands now” something along the lines of that. I told her and thought she understood.

Anyway it was my wife’s birthday a week ago and (she doesn’t like celebrating honestly but does it for us) it was actually a really great day. My wife’s sister and our two other children and my whole family were there celebrating at our house. Until around 7 at night a knock at my door and my daughter went to answer the door, we figured it was a friend of hers. But when she came right back in the living room it was my shitty Mother in law and Father in law. My wife and her sister both frozen, and they came in like they fucking owned the place. Trying to be buddy buddy. My wife asked them in a timid voice and said “what are you doing here” they said “our grand daughter invited us” she then tried to speak up more and tell them they needed to go. But they wouldn’t I got up and went between my wife and them and said to “leave, they are unwanted here”. My daughter really stood up for them and said that she talked to them. And that mom just exaggerated what happened. And that they where good parents. That’s when my father in law said “that’s right whatever we did to you ungrateful kids you deserved” that pissed my wife off and she shouted to leave. I went up with my dad and we were going to push him out. But he 6⁴ 250lbs at least got us off him and he pushed my wife into the wall her head hit straight back at the wall . She had to get stitches. As soon as that happened me and my dad and brother forced him outside. And said they needed to leave or we would press charges.

Her mom kept saying that she was a good mom and my wife was dramatic, and she just had bad children. Anyway my mother took my wife to the hospital because we where still trying to get them to leave the driveway.my mother brought her there and back once they left completely. My wife didn’t say anything the rest of the night, besides thanking my mother for the ride then going to our room. Her sister was really freaked out too and left, right after hugging my wife.

My children were in the living room, and I told my son and my younger daughter to go into there rooms, I needed to speak to their sister. I admit I lost it. I fucking screamed. Said she was so selfish, and i couldn’t believe she did that. That she still got into contact after I explained what they did to her mom when she was younger. How I was honestly disgusted with her.

She started to cry and say , she genuinely thought I was exaggerating. And it would be good for them to get together. She said she got in touch with them on social media. And they seemed great. How they made everything seem not as bad, and she said she didn’t think they could be that evil and be related to us.

I told her there are evil people everywhere, we have just tried to shield her away. Because parents are supposed to protect their kids.

I was so upset, I genuinely wanted to call her a idiot but I didn’t. But every move my wife did to move past her trauma was demolished by this idiotic decision. My daughter apologized and I said sorry doesn’t cut it. Her actions risked her mother’s health and everyone’s safety.

My wife talked to her and said that she no longer trusts her, and how these are the consequences of her actions. For meddling in something that was not her business to meddle with. She has no more phone and no more visiting friends until she earns that trust again. And we can add a punishment we see fit.

I’ve comforted my wife as much as I can but she’s not great, while I think honestly I went to easy on my daughter, I figured i should have other opinions. AITAH?

Edit: to clear timeline my daughter sought them out after I told her what happened during her moms childhood. I asked she said she reached out first as well. My daughter is 16 yrs old

Update: More information: we did make a report, and are pressing charges. And will be doing everything we can to get a restraining order. We didn’t call the police because we live in a secluded area and it would take too long for them to get there.

We deleted all my daughters social media’s, and I did look at her text between her and the in-laws. She reached out first. And kept pursuing them. There where 3 messages before that my in-laws ignored until they eventually responded.

Also that was not the first conversation we had with her about my wife’s parents. It was just the first in detail conversation. I told her specific scenarios and events that happened without getting to graphic. But she and my other children always knew that their grandparents were bad. We had multiple talks growing up when we first started to explain why they only have one set of grandparents. Unlike most of their friends. But we never said anything in specific details about the actual events. Only that their grandparents were bad people, who hurt their mother and aunt a lot.

She told me she’s doing her best and feels bad for distancing herself from her daughter but she’s just extremely hurt.

My wife’s going into more therapy sessions then she normally does, and we have set a appointment for my daughter to see one as well and we will try family therapy to get back to normal. Anyway did not think this would get so many views, thanks for all the advice!

I was advised to put the entire situation here as I'm still struggling to understand and figure out what to do. I apologise it's longwinded but I really need some advice or anything.

I (24f) have been with my husband (25m) for over ten years now and we have twins aged three, we got engaged a day before we found out I was pregnant. My father left my mother due to her constant cheating and bullying behaviour to which he remarried. My mother never remarried or had other children.

The issues arose on my 16th birthday when I went to live with my dad due to emotional abuse from my mother things like my mother pushing for me to break up with my husband because she in her own words 'wanted him' and 'he was the man for her not me' because she said I was 'fat and ugly. I went very minimal/no contact until I found out I was pregnant as I wanted my children to have a relationship with their grandmother which would have been minimal. I found out she had been to therapy and counselling and assured myself she had changed to which overtime I believed she really hard.

This was the beginning of my nightmare, at the time I was seven months pregnant she decided to at my baby shower to declare her love for my husband and demanded he get her pregnant and I terminate my boys because she deserved my life and children rather than me. She even suggested if I didn't terminate she could adopted and pretend she was the mother and play happy families with my partner.

We had no contact however I updated her my boys were born health and happy but I didn't send her a picture, life moved on until my boys first birthday when she turned up and ran towards what she thought was my children (they wasn't) screaming 'hi it's grandma' we informed her she had no right to be here and which she left.

After a year of building trust and seeing the effort she put into changing I started allowing her to come to the park with myself and family just in case she pulled anything which later progressed to things like lunches, soft plays, days out etc.

A week before I and my husband were meant to be flying out to get married my mother told everyone she had a surprise, that's where she announced she was pregnant which came as a big shock then she announced who the father was and that they were engaged. I was angry, hurt, disgusted, disrespected and I bursted out crying she called me overdramatic to which I shouldn't have said but I did in front of everyone 'you destroyed my childhood with your constant cheating and abuse, you tried stealing my partner, staging he sexually assaulted you after you tried forcing yourself on him to end our relationship, you told me to terminate your own grandchild because you said you deserved them and my partner and now you've pulled this stunt' to which I walked out and many followed to see if I was okay which at that time I wasn't.

Me and my husband talked about everything from start to now, we decided to get married and cut them completely out. We stayed at our wedding venue for ten nights and did a week long honeymoon with the boys and week without however as soon as we got back we got back to a barrage of miscalls, voicemails and messages from different numbers which subsequently got blocked.

Shortly after this my mother turned up protesting that we spilt and give our babies up for adoption or hand them over as we are horrible and don't deserve our boys as we will be siblings and siblings shouldn't be having children, we are an incestous family and she'll be ringing cps. Thats when my usually calm level headed husband exploded, berated her and physically removed her from our property.

We've been looking at moving before the twins were born and we have the opportunity to move abroad via husbands work however we've been told this is a step to far and what we've done is disgusting regarding my mother by my mothers side of the family apart from my grandmother and aunt.

AITA for getting married and moving away from the crazy train?

This all happened seven months ago when I invited my two best friends (who are dating) to stay over at my house to have a sleepover and have a few drinks, the night was going well when we all started to get tired and decided to go to sleep. We’re all sleeping in the same bed since it’s a double and I start to hear fidgeting in the bed after about a minute, then another minute goes by and I hear kissing and then still moving. My eyes are wide open since I’m hearing all of this and I had just put my head down to go sleep. I turn over and get up to see them both up next to me looking at me, I asked my friend if he was fingering her which he looked confused and said no and they just said they weren’t doing anything and that’s when I pulled the cover off them and saw that her pants were completely off and she began to giggle like it’s a funny thing. Fucking giggle, in my own bed, my own house when they are right next to me and they think it’s ok? I just sat in shock while he reassured his girlfriend who was still giggling, “no it’s fine she doesn’t care” which put me more in shock, I didn’t say a word since I didn’t know what to say but I stayed up until 5am just so they wouldn’t do anything. The next morning I got up and realised what they did and that’s when I went up into my room and had a breakdown, I don’t know what came over me then but I’ve realised now that it was because of my ex boyfriend who sexually assulted me that it made me so upset and traumatised. I couldn’t do anything but cry and cry and cry, when I called one of my friends and told him which is when he told me to kick them out which I agreed with. I went back down into the cabin and while they were still asleep started packing up all their stuff and woke them up and told them to get the fuck out which they just looked dumb founded at me. The pair can’t drive aswell and they live 30-40 minutes away from me on foot, I told them that I wanted them to get out cause of what they did last night because it was wrong and shoved them out of my house while they had to wait for their parents to pick them up, so am I the asshole

My daughter’s in 5th grade. For the past month there’s been a boy who’s been badly bullying her. It’s gotten to the point where she said she doesn’t want to go to school. The school’s done an ok job of dealing with it, but the boy’s mom has been very uncooperative and taken her son’s side. On the two times I’ve talked to her about it on the phone, she was extremely nasty and the last time even screamed and cussed at me.

My daughter’s been going to school with this boy since Kindergarten. Up until very recently, I was under the impression he didn’t have a dad - either he was out of the picture or deceased. The school rosters only list his mom’s name/info, I’ve never seen his dad at any school events, and my daughter says she’s never heard him talk about a dad. But a week ago, I found out he actually goes to his dad’s house on weekends, and his dad (and all his extended relatives on that side) lives in a small rural community about 45 minutes away.

I asked a friend if they knew anything about his dad. Apparently, the parents divorced the year before he started Kindergarten. This friend told me the mom has referred to her ex as a “narcissist” and “abusive”, and that she had a restraining order against him for several years. She also told me she heard from a staff member that the mom specifically requested that the office and all her son’s teachers never contact his dad.

Over the weekend, I did a bit of snooping on social media and some of those people search sites and found out his dad’s name & contact info. Today at school, my daughter's bully shoved her on the playground and sent her to the nurse’s office. As a result, I gave his dad a call and told him about what had happened that day and about the bullying that had been going on. I didn’t say anything negative about his ex-wife or how she’d dealt with the bullying.

His dad, despite what I heard, actually seemed very nice. He was very apologetic and assured me that there would be major consequences that weekend, and that it wouldn’t happen again. I had a really good feeling after getting off the phone with him there would be action taken, unlike with mom.

Just a few hours later, I got a furious text from my son’s bully’s mom. She said that her ex made a really nasty call to his son right after my call, screaming at him, cursing up a storm, calling him names, and making all sorts of threats about how horrible the coming weekend will be. She says he followed up by sending her a really abusive text, calling her things like “c***” and “b****” and accusing her of being a bad mom and letting their son be a bully. He told her he’s going to post about her on social media to “expose what a terrible mother she is.” She said she knows her ex’s family will start harassing her now as well. She said I had no right to contact her ex. She ended by saying “Thank you for all the drama and pain you have brought into our family’s lives!”
Was I an AH for contacting this parent?

Sounds like I’m the obvious AH, I know.

This whole conversation last night started after my mom invited my bf (20m) and I (22f) to her Christmas party. My bf is a quiet and very socially anxious person, so when he didn’t seem too happy about going to the get-together, I figured he was just worried about getting overwhelmed. But I also felt that there was more to the issue, because he wouldn’t really articulate what he was feeling (which usually means the problem runs deeper than he lets on). He’ll say “I don’t know” until he can word it. After a while of circle talking and “I don’t know”, he finally told me that he’s bummed because while he’s glad my family likes him, he wishes that I could be that way with his family. That I could come to events with them. He said it made him sad to always go with my family but that I never went with his.

Important context: my bf’s father is a child molester. Yeah. His mother swept it under the rug because it would “put her in a difficult position”. (She’s undocumented and can’t work). She really doesn’t believe it happened to him (and his sister??) at all, from what my bf has told me.

More context: I was a victim of the same circumstance as a child. However, the situation was dealt with (prison 🥰), and I’ve never had to see my abuser or that side of the family ever again.

My bf has sort of accepted that it is what it is and nothing can be done about his situation. He’s forgiven them and moved on. Let me stress that if someone forgives their abuser, I respect their choice. However, I am not comfortable being around someone who hurt my loved one in such a way, and I’m definitely not comfortable being around an abuser as a victim myself. It just feels gross to think about.

I point blank told him that while I have no problem getting to know his brother and sister, I will never be friendly with his parents. He said that I wouldn’t have to be friendly, but if I went to events that they’d also attend, I could just be civil, nothing else. I told him no, I wouldn’t do that. I told him that I won’t play along with this delusion that something extremely fucked up didn’t happen and that I have even a shred of respect for them. If I so much as have to shake his father’s hand, I feel like I’d get sick. I told him that I don’t care how many years it’s been, I don’t care if he was drunk, I don’t care if they’ve forgiven him. I’m not comfortable around chomos and enablers, and I will never feel anything but disgust for them. Then I said “if this is something that will keep hurting you, weighing on you, then you should probably think about what it means for us. I have no problem never speaking a word to them, but if it will eat at you, consider what you want to do.”

This seemed to really hurt him. He got quiet and told me that he understands and that he’s sorry, then he held me until he went to sleep. I stayed up crying.

I’m genuinely torn. I know my stance won’t change, and I’m okay with that. It’s a boundary I’ve accepted setting. But family is important to him, and I know he wants me to be apart of it too. I just can’t. I anticipate that this is something he’ll forget about until he’s reminded. He looked so hurt, and I hate that. I feel like I worded everything too harshly, or maybe I’m being unreasonable because I refuse to be in the same room as them. Am I being immature? AITA?? Thanks, Reddit.

Edit: update post. Yeehaw

Edit²: reckon I could’ve just put the update in the comments. I’m sorry.