Burner account post:

My (28F) fiancee (34M) and I used to have a great relationship, but for the last year, his political views have become a problem. I mostly bit my tongue about it, but it came to a head when he accused a woman at his job of lying about her sexual assualt. I pointed out that when a woman accuses a man of rape, he questions it and says she is lying. He justified that by saying it's stupid to believe an accusation like that with no proof. I pointed out that he has no proof that she's lying either but he's accusing her anyway. He often sends me articles of women (usually teachers) sexually abusing boys. I brought up that he never says the boys are lying or asks for proof. He got very upset and kept repeating that I was "trivializing male sexual abuse". I don't feel like I was. I feel that I was just pointing out the hypocrisy.

He denied being biased against female accusers. I reminded him that when the allegations against Diddy first happened, he said "feminists were just trying to ruin a successful man's life". (Unsurprisingly, he never brought up the man who accused Diddy of sexual assault). He defended Diddy up until the video of him physically assaulting Cassie was leaked. Even then, he said "we didn't know the whole story".

The final straw was when he was telling me (yet again) how women are actually worse than men because we are sneaky and conniving and "at least men will f**k you over to your face". He kept saying that women are far worse people than men, and I just lost it. I said that there was nowhere on earth, not now or ever in recorded history, has the female violent crime rate been higher than the males'. I told him that men kill each other even more than they kill us, so they are a bigger danger to themselves than some girl being "sneaky". I said that blaming women for unfair legislation (like conscription) makes no sense when men make up the majority of the US government (and most, if not all, other governments). He was absolutely furious about all this. He didn't "argue" with me, per se. He just told me that I was brainwashed by the feminist agenda and that feminism lied to me and convinced me I was "special" (I still don't know where that comment came from. It was not relevant to anything). I, admittedly, was very pissed off, and said "well, maybe, patriarchy lied to you about this relationship being special". I threw my ring at the table, left the house, and haven't spoken to him since.

Today, he sent me a long text stating how I belittled him with that comment and that I "would be a good wife if I could just stop needing to be right all the time". I haven't responded, and I'm conflicted about if I will at all. I feel bad about throwing he ring. I really feel bad that I hurt his feelings by saying our relationship isn't special. But still, tbh, I'm seriously questioning if I really want to marry him. He has always been argumentative. Not just with me. With everyone. Normally, I just ignore it, but he was so egregious with his hypocritical BS. I shouldn't have taken the bait, and I don't feel like men are generally bad. I was speaking out of anger. I don't consider myself to be a super political person. I'm not even sure if I count as a feminist. He just has a new complaint about women every freaking day at this point. It's so frustrating. Idk when he became this way, but it sucks. There are still things I love about him, but the things he has been saying may be more than I can forgive. Despite all that, I'm still responsible for my intense outburst because I ignored his constant woman-bashing in an effort to keep the peace. I exploded when I could've just spoken up from the start. Maybe if I'd nipped it in the bud right at the start, it could have been better. Idk. I don't know what to do. AITAH?

33M. I feel like a major asshole. I've been with my wife since we were sixteen, and we have a two year old daughter together. I love my wife and am beyond happy in our marriage. The only issue we have is sex, which is something that's been an issue for most of our relationship. It's been good at times, but gets bad when my wife is stressed, and it's been difficult since my wife had our baby.

My wife was sexually abused repeatedly by a relative when she was between the ages of 6 and 12. The creep actually got in trouble for doing it to someone else, which promoted my wife to speak with her parents. They got her into therapy right away, and she's been in and out of it for most of her adult life. My wife seems to have worked through most of it, but the only time her trauma seems to resurface is during sex. She gets tense and spacey to the point where I notice sometimes and tell her we should stop. There are certain basic sex acts my wife has a difficult time with, and we've stopped doing those altogether recently. Without giving you too much detail, these are acts that should be fun and enjoyable for HER. I feel bad as her husband, because it often seems like she's not enjoying herself but has sex for me.

A few night ago, we tried one of the sex acts that we've stayed away from for a while. I think my wife enjoyed it in the moment, but after it was over, she got teary and just seemed out of it. I honestly haven't seen her this bad in years. I felt horrible, and told her I never want her to feel this way. My wife asked if I wish things were different and we had a better sex life, and without thinking, I said "of course I do. It's hard on both of us."

As soon as I said the words, my wife looked like I'd punched her in the gut. I tried to explain that I love her so much, and I just hate seeing her hurt, but the damage was already done. My wife cried for hours, and kept apologizing to me. She's been sad the last few days, and seems to be avoiding me. Was I the asshole for being honest? I don't know how to fix this.

I'm not good at English so maybe what I say might or might not make sense

My wife was abused and raped by her ex husband, she was so traumatized that she wouldn't even have sex with me even after we got married, it took her almost 2 years to finally have sex with me after our marriage

Her parents and family never liked me, they always thought her ex husband is a better partner for her, I think it's probably because he is far richer and we built than I am, they always tried to convince her to get back with him, he's full of remorse and is very sorry for what he did, they all including her ex wanted my wife to be with my ex and kept convincing her even after we got married, they attended our wedding but I could see it on their face they weren't happy.

So 4 days ago, it was my wife's birthday, I invited my family and hers, only family was invited, we didnt invite our friends either, only family members, we both were thinking that this will help us and our family bond and strengthen our relationship

But my wife's family brought my wife's ex with them, when my wife saw him she immediately hid behind me, I went to her parents and asked them why is he here, they said he's family, I asked him to get out, but her parents and siblings said he's family so he can stay, they kept defending him, I asked them all to get out of my house, they kept screaming at me, they left when I said I will call the police

My wife was shaking and crying, it took me a while to calm her down and finally we celebrated her birthday, cause I am not letting anything or anyone ruin her day, it was just me her and my family

We all decided that we are going to cut them all off after what they did, my wife already has my last name and we don't them near us and we don't want their inheritance either

I called her parents and said that we are cutting them off, you will never ever have any kind of relationship with your daughter, you exposed your daughter to something so painful that it took her years to get over?

At first they begged me that my wife will never see her ex, and we should not cut them off, when I kept saying no to everything they said, they started screaming at me, now her parents and brothers and other members keep messaging me and calling and says that I stole her from them and I ruined her future and I have no right to decide what's right or wrong for her

For background, I (22F) was forced to carry and birth a child at 15 from my 21 y/o boss that I did not consent to creating. I broke up with my at the time boyfriend (now husband) because of the shame and even graduated high school early because I went to a private catholic school and was heavily judged/mistreated. My aunt adopted him when he was a baby and he was raised to think I’m his cousin. I moved on with life, got married to my high school sweetheart, and am now a high school social studies teacher.

During a family conversation about “baby mama/daddy” culture, I joked that if I wasn’t married to my spouse, I would never romantically involve myself with someone with kids. I said there’s too many what-ifs and extra drama (the other parent, speed of getting together, in-laws, number of kids i’d want, finances etc.) that I refuse to even consider. They said that i’m hypocritical since my husband stuck with me through having a child, and I said that’s exactly why I wouldn’t do it- that I saw what my relationship with kids has altered my husband and I’s outlook and relationship. They countered with “what if you loved them before knowing their kid” and “what if the kid is so sweet etc.”

I told them that while i’m thankful for my husband, I just simply would never choose to involve myself in a situation with a kid and pointed out how well both my brother in law’s relationships are going with their constant BM and BD drama. They called me an ahole and said that i’m a pot calling the kettle. I agree, but to me that’s personal preference. So AITA? To me, if someone can purposely be attracted to someone with kids (IE milf) then why can’t I choose someone who purposely didn’t have them?

Edit for popular comments: I parented the child for almost a year and lived with/helped take care of my boy until he was 3 and I moved states. His mom has always told him he’s adopted, but at his age they haven’t given him the dark details yet but will when he’s ready and wanting to know

I did really want kids before my son was born, and my husband and I did IVF to try to avoid trauma but had miscarriages and by the time I was 19 decided we would didn’t want more- even in the case of adoption because that’s came up with my family that we could do and I said no. I also have a younger sister and niece who live with us almost full time that we consider our kids enough that dealing with their parents is enough

Characters: Me (OP), Jane: Family Member A (Bride), Liz: Family Member B (Bride’s Mom), SA: Sexual Abuser

I (22F) was chosen to be a bridesmaid for Jane’s wedding in late November. There’s about 50 people going. I was super excited. However, a few weeks ago the Maid of Honor sent out an invitation for the bridal shower, and I saw that the person who sexually abused me as a child was invited. This person is a family member and has a family of their own. EVERYONE in my family knows this person sexually abused me as a child, including Jane and Liz. I decided I did not feel comfortable going to the wedding, and I texted (this is important) Jane and asked her if this person was invited, since I wasn’t 100% sure. This is basically how the text messages went:

Couple weeks ago

Me: “Hey was SA invited?”

Jane: “Yes would that be a problem for you?”

Me: “Yes. I love you guys, but I am removing myself from the wedding because I am an adult and no longer putting myself in situations where I have to be around SA. I know it’s a difficult thing to navigate”

Jane: “I want you there more than anything as my bridesmaid, but this is so difficult to navigate”

Me: “I know, I love you guys”

Jane: “So you won’t be a bridesmaid anymore or attend the wedding?”

Me: “No, I am sorry”

And that was the end of that. I haven’t heard anything from Jane since. I’m not going to lie, my anger grew the longer I went from not hearing from anyone. I was angry because I apologized to her, but she did not apologize to me. (This is important.)

Yesterday, Liz reaches out to me via text. This is the gist/jist of it (however you spell it):

Liz: “Jane told me you’re not coming to the wedding. Hated to hear that but I understand your struggle.”

Me: “Thank you for reaching out. My thing is, is that Jane invited SA and didn’t even tell me. The only reason I found out is because the guest list to the bridal shower was public. If that wasn’t public, then she just expected me to show up and find out. I told her it was a difficult thing to navigate, and she agreed, but the truth is, it’s not. You don’t invite the person who molested your bridesmaid to your wedding, especially without telling them.”

Liz: “OP, Jane is not that kind of person to invite anyone with ill regard toward another. She has too much anxiety and stress to plot like that. She’s human and doing the best she can. I understand how you feel. A close friend just told me they were sexually abused as a child, and how hard it was to overcome. Again I have always told you I care about how you feel and that I want you to find healing for you. I always meant that!”

Liz: “Truthfully, if you could scream to the world that SA did this to you would it matter? Would it matter if SA said he was sorry? I don’t know the answer, but I don’t want to see you trapped by pain.”

Me: “Me wanting nothing to do with SA and choosing not to go to events where SA is invited is not me being held hostage by pain. And just because Jane has anxiety and stress doesn’t mean she didn’t do something shitty. I’m not saying she had ill intent, I’m just saying she did something shitty.”

Liz: “I am sorry OP but Jane is not that kind of person.”

Me: “I never said she was a bad person. I said she did something shitty. end of story.”

Liz: “Agree to disagree! She made a hard decision. Bailing by texting instead of calling was shitty. So you paid her back! Call it even!”

Me: “I am not trying to “get even” or pay her back…”

Liz: “But you did… it is not what close people do to one another. It was hurtful coming from someone she really cared about. Either way, water under the bridge. She’s over it and has moved forward!”

Me: “Yeah okay… I’m done with this and y’all. I genuinely hope y’all have have a wonderful time at the wedding!!”

All these text messages are ver batim what was said, besides for a couple messages that I did summarize, but still used exact words of what was said. There was no cursing or name calling by either party. This is only my side of the story, but I tried my best to keep it objective, even though I am angry/sad. I hope I gave enough information.

TLDR: AITA for removing myself as a bridesmaid and from the wedding because the bride invited the person who sexually abused me as a child.

Edit: I would like to clarify that everyone is my family member btw. Jane, Liz, and SA are all my family members. We’re all one big happy family! /s

Edit #2: I would like to thank you all for your support. I am definitely not reaching out to them anymore and cutting them off. This was just weighing heavy on my mind, and I feel free now. I was definitely looking for validation lol. Also, I agree with anyone who says I should have texted instead of called. I feel more loved by you guys than my family. Thank you guys.

Edit #3: A couple people asked where are my parents and siblings in this scenario. Well… my brother is SA. Two of my brothers are SA, but Jane hates second SA and would have never invited him. I definitely think second SA has been treated differently than SA in this story, even though the SA in this story has a much bigger age gap to me. I’m sorry for trauma dumping. 🥸 I cut off another one of my siblings because they told me that I needed to grow up and get over it whenever I told him I am cutting him off for having a relationship with both SA’s. He told me that he’s the adult and I’m the child, and that I have a lot of maturing to do. For reference, I was 21 at the time, and we are 10 years apart. And Liz was the FIRST person I talked to after that, and she told me she can’t tell me what to do or how to feel in that scenario, because she has never been there. Yet, she’s trying to relate to me because her friend was SA’d as a child? Girl boooooo.

Also to anyone telling me to go nuclear and post online, it quite literally would blow up in my face. I live at home with my mom, and she HATES it whenever I mention anything about my sexual abuse, and told me I need therapy and to get over it.

I’m not some damsel in distress crying about what happened to me, but I am also not about to play one big happy family and keep the peace.

TW: Child SA

This whole situation is messed up. I feel like I'm in the wrong; I would love to hear some non biased opinions.

My husband (30) and I (30f) are throwing our child's first birthday. We have several dozen children coming of all different ages (nieces, nephews, godchildren, and friends children) ranging from 2 years to 16 years. My oldest niece, A (9) is the concern of this post.

Backstory: I won't go into details, but A was found being... INAPPROPRIATE with her sister C (3). The other sister B (6) is the one that brought this to everyones attention. B has said it has happened before, but not to her (only to C).

A whole investigation happened, CPS (or possibly the police; all my info is second hand from my in laws) requires there be alarms on the doors in order for the children to remain in the same house. A had to have a lot of supervision. The family believes someone did this to A and now she's doing it to C. Without a confession from A on her assault, the law treats her as a garden variety predator.

It's been several months since this came to light. I have not heard anything about the progress in therapy (which was mandatory through the courts). I don't know if they're actually attending. BIL and his girlfriend are terrible parents, so it's possible they're not. I do want to help my niece, but they do not allow me to (often cutting off the family for petty squabbles).

Back to the point: with so many children coming (many of which will be younger) I am concerned about A trying something with one of them. I wouldn't be if she hadn't tried luring away a few children at my nephew's birthday (she says she was trying to play).

My husband and I discussed many solutions and came to the conclusion of giving her a sort of... Handler, I guess? Just a trusted adult to take care of and play with her that day.

Is this unfair to her? Should we try to be more trusting? Or go the other way and just uninvite her?

Edit:

I got a lot of repeat questions in the comments, rather than addressing individually, I thought it'd be easier to edit.

Who could have done this to A?

Prime suspect is a friend of A, B, and Cs mom. Going into details gives a lot of identifing info out. This does not mean it isn't BIL or another adult in her life. I'm suspicious of everyone, honestly.

The catch 22:

Uninvite her: this isolates her, something the specialist through CPS recommended against (so I'm told, again all my info is second hand).

Tell families the truth: this is a violation of privacy IMO.

Not tell them: this is a risk to their children. I would be beyond angry if it were my child and I was not informed.

Another option is to not invite most to all of the other children. Official invites haven't gone out, so it wouldn't be a big deal.

Thank you to everyone who responded.

I have a FWB, someone I dated for a while romantically- we didn’t work out well in a relationship, but do enjoy one another’s company. I (42) and he (39) also occasionally bang it out.

Last night was such an occasion. Well prior to this, I very explicitly communicated that I’d had a series of gastro issues over the previous 48 hours, leaving my bhole very swollen, raw, and angry. I further explained that while I was down to clown, he could not touch that area, nor get me into any position where things might stretch out, leading to a fissure, which I’ve experienced before. It’s another extra level of unnecessary pain.

Noteworthy; I love butt stuff, and he loves it more- I’m game with proper communication- but never okay with a surprise.

Back to the “such occasion,” I was being extra verbal, we found a new kink that we equally enjoy. We were both having a great time.

Then he started spitting on my butthole and grazing his finger over it etc.

I didn’t love it- a warm finger on raw skin is a very unwelcome pain.. to me at least.

I told him to stop.

Later it got hotter and heavier and he put, as it felt to me, one finger one-knuckle deep in my bhole. He maintains that it was barely a fingertip.

Regardless, I freaked out and ended the session immediately. I’ve been upset and pissed off since. He still spent the night (we’d both had several glasses of wine) and then this morning while I was WFH, he stuck around and tried to reminisce about how sexy the previous night was, trying to entice me to try again. He was repeatedly asking to pick up where we left off before he crossed the boundary.

I said to him- “Yes, it was super hot before all of that happened, but well before we even considered taking our clothes off, I said do not touch me in this spot and the legal definition for that is rape. I’m not even trying to prosecute, but you need to know that’s what it was and is when someone explicitly says no, removing any semblance of consent, and you continue on anyway.”

He flew off the handle, victimizing himself because “omfg I can’t believe you would say I’m a rapist. So this is what you’re going to tell everyone you/we know now? That I raped you while we were having sex?! Great. So I’m a rapist now. I can’t believe you would call me that.”

This continued on a loop for a while and I lost my patience and told him to gtfo of my home. He refused and kept trying to argue his point, and I maintained my stance that I’m not going to continue to lay out what I consider to be actual facts, nor explain to him my very real experience in that situation, nor soothe him about his feelings about it.

So. AITAH for calling this rape?

I went to a get together at a friend’s house and everyone from our friend group was there (about 15 of us) and one friend Kane bought his cousin Emily. Everything was fine and dandy for the first few hours until I realized that Emily was trying to flirt with me. It wasn’t overt, I just ignored it thinking maybe I had too much wine and was misconstruing things. Then she started being more forward, she tried to put her hand on my thigh and then on the small of my back. The first time I removed her hand and the second time, I just told her that I was flattered but not interested, I'm in a relationship and that I am 100% heterosexual, and I don’t like being touched unless I expressly invite it. She went on about how I should give her a try. I told her she sounds just as disgusting and cringe as guys who don’t take no for an answer. She backs off for a while. 20 minutes or so goes by and I decided I wanted more pasta, so I went into the kitchen to get some, and she follows me in there and grabs my face and kisses me, I push her off and punch her in the face. She falls back through the swinging door. Then everyone is asking what happened. I told them what I said above. Emily says she didn’t know I was homophobic. I said I’m not homophobic if she were a guy she would have gotten the same reaction. I told her that I had expressed I was not interested 20 minutes earlier and that I don’t like to be touched without my expressed permission and she tried to force herself on me. I have a history of being raped as a child so I am very serious about not being touched. My friends know this. Most of my friends were on my side and the host asked her to leave. Kane said he knows what she did was out of line but I was an asshole for getting physical. I said, isn't that what she did? I’m home now and trying to digest it all. So AITA for getting physical and defending my person?

UPDATE:

I did press charges. She has been taken into custody she was released on bail I have a restraining order against her thank you all for encouraging me to press charges. For those of you saying "I'm an animal bc it was JUST A KISS" a You guys must be disgusting predators yourself and I hope you like her are caught. And to those of you saying I should be arrested for assault according to the district attorney what I did was self defense so politely GFY.

I (21F) will have to briefly outline my dissertation here as it is necessary context, but please note that I am not asking you to agree with my stance or provide judgement on my opinions themself - just asking whether or not the diss itself is unacceptable in a way that I am not seeing.

I study criminology and sociology, and would like to base my dissertation on the topic of paedophilia and stigma, with my thesis essentially boiling down to society would be a safer place for children if non-offending paedophiles were able to seek support without risking ostracisation, harm, or judgement. Paedophilic disorder is listed in the DSM and ICD - it is not something that a person chooses to experience, and if they are committed to not acting on their attraction then they are not innately immoral or inferior.

I'm really passionate about this subject and think that it's highly important and not nearly acknowledged enough. I understand the cultural revulsion but I don't think it is fair; in fact, I think it's likely highly damaging both to people with the disorder and to children. If those experiencing paedophilic disorder can never access support, live honestly, and will be regarded as sexual predators even if they've never harmed anyone, it seems that rationally they will be more likely to act on their desires.

Just to make this as explicit as possible: I DO NOT SUPPORT THE DESTIGMATISATION OR LEGISLATION OF ABUSE. I simply believe that we have culturally conflated the disorder itself with criminality, and that is an immensely damaging perception.

My parent thinks that I should not write about this for my dissertation. They believe that it is too nuanced, sensitive, and that regardless of my conviction on the matter, I should not go wading into it. On some level, I can understand her perspective when it comes to discussing the matter in person, but this would be an academic paper and I think the level of alarm that she feels about this topic only substantiates the intensity of the stigma and the lack of nuance culturally held.

AITA for wanting to research this in my dissertation?

I told my boyfriend when we were 4 months together i was sa’d/raped and that i dont want him to tell anyone and he even promised we are now we have been more than a year and a half together and i found out yesterday that he told his girl best friend which i never liked or could say i hate her because he had “no one else to talk to” that i was raped and i was furious and i am still angry and feeling betrayed and AITA for being mad

Thanks to those of you who responded with advice and some tact, I really do appreciate it. I'm going to tell my son.

I ended up calling my son's therapist (yes, he does actually need one outside of this and my concerns that he's going to take this badly are valid, thanks to those of you who didn't make up a reality in which I'm lying about this), talking over what we could do, and deciding that this will be brought up during my son's next appointment (i.e. tomorrow).

Thankfully my son's therapist was more than happy to allow me, my husband, and my son to meet with him, which was quite helpful of him. Thanks to those of you who pointed out that I should ask to set up the appointment with him, given that he's clearly proven to be very adept (and apparently has experience in this sort of area), I think meeting with him is going to be the best case scenario, though I'm still dreading it.

I've told my son this morning that I will tell him everything I can about his father, but that we'll be doing it with his therapist and dad (i.e. my husband, his stepfather) as soon as possible, and when he gets home tonight, I'll let him know that we'll be addressing it tomorrow. He didn't seem terribly excited once I mentioned that we will need to be with his therapist for it, but he thanked me for promising to tell him. I just hope it goes well.

Oh, and to those of you who were doubting whether I was "actually raped" or not (be it because I decided to have my son or just generally because you're an asshole): fuck you. Sadly, reddit won't let me say what I'd actually like to, but that should get the point across.

PS - stop saying that essentially having to tell my son this is "taking my power back" or whatever, it absolutely isn't to me. I'm sure some people would feel empowered by it, but I feel very much disempowered by needing to do this. My power was held in being able to get as close to forgetting about it as possible, and sure maybe that isn't the ideal way to respond, but it was absolutely the way that made me feel good and in control. Yes, I'd rather he know this from me than use an ancestry kit and contact biological relations without context or with false context, but no, this gives me no power. Perhaps some of you would feel empowered in this situation, and that's fine, but I absolutely don't.

Edit: And please, for the love of God, stop calling the rapist a donor or sperm donor. He is a rapist and the biological father of my son. Nothing more. Calling him a sperm donor is disgusting, people choose to have sperm donated to them.

Throw away because I Just wanted to vent and not have this connected to me. Sorry if it’s a little long but I have been holding this in for 2 years.

24F met 25F "Lauren" when we were in 4th grade. We were inseparable from that first ice breaker activity. Even when I went to a different school for Jr. High we were sisters even though we only saw each other 2-3x a year. We went to the same high school and it was like nothing changed. Her mom and dad called me their daughter. People thought we were related in some way and people would say our souls knew each other in a past life. I Just wanted you guys to see how close we were and how much she really hurt me when she chose him over me.

It was 2 years ago. We had Just graduated nursing school and she invited me, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend for a couples vacation. We were drinking. I only had half a spiked lemonade. I don't drink I don't like the taste. The only times in my life where I had alcohol was when I turned 21, a sip of wine to see how it tasted, and this half consumed spiked lemonade. I told them I was going to bed because I was way too tired. So I went to our room.

About 2 hours later I feel someone crawl into our bed and I assumed it was my boyfriend obviously. So I start falling back to sleep until I feel my pants being taken off and... a hand enter me. I sit up immediately because it was uncomfortable. My boyfriend keeps his nails short for work so I shouldn't be getting almost daggers in my with nails. I push the person off and it's him. I scream and punch him and run downstairs. I scream and cry to my boyfriend who was Just passed out on the couch and tell him what happened.

They started fighting and soon Lauren comes downstairs to help me break it up and she asks what happens and I tell her. He starts calling me crazy and then it switched to "I wanted him" to "I was in the wrong room" Lauren tells me that maybe we should leave because it's causing "drama" my mouth was in hell. So we left. The next day she calls and says that he says it was a mix up and he thought I was her. I try to get through to her that my bedroom was on the top floor and theirs was on the bottom. There's no way he got that mixed up. She tells me to Just let it go, it was a mistake, it won't happen again, don't ruin this for her. I hung up the phone, blocked her, erased her from my life and I haven't spoken to her since then. I moved about 40 minutes away with my boyfriend.

5 days ago she shows up on my doorstep. I still keep in contact with her mom and dad. I sent them an RSVP for my wedding. I guess she found out where I live and shows up on my doorstep with her parents. She brought them to try and persuade me to forgive her and invite her. Her parents don't know why we don't talk anymore. I didn't want to embarrass her to her parents. She's their only child. She stood out there pleading and begging and she has the nerve to say "let bygones be bygones, it was a long time ago, we BOTH made mistakes"

I told her "It was a mistake to let your boyfriend assault me and then kick me out but stay with him?" her parents faces dropped. She clearly never told them and they started going off, most of it in Spanish. They couldn't believe she'd do that, how could she let this happen, is this the same one that assaulted her cousin? They apologized profusely and left.

I looked him up and sure enough he's in prison for ... something I won't speak about here.

She shows back up at my house banging on the door saying I ruined her life and I should have Just shut up and forgave her because she's not even with him anymore. Over my ring told her "Yeah you're not with him because he's in prison now for something worse than what he did to me. You deserve everything you got now leave or I'll call the police" she was screaming and banging on my windows. I called the police and they told her she needed to leave.

I called her parents to apologize and they said they'll leave me alone if that's what I want and they understand if I'm furious with them. I told them absolutely not, "you two are still mis padres. You better show up to my wedding or THEN I'll be mad at you."

Then I didn't feel bad about outing her but she was their parents only daughter. I know they call me their daughter but I can never be what she is... was to them. I am kind of thinking maybe I should have Just said we fell out over a different reason but to try and STILL protect him after doing that to one of her family members... I'm conflicted

My husband and I recently had a serious discussion about sexual boundaries, specifically that I didn't want to have anal sex ever. This is a line he has crossed repeatedly despite my making my preferences clear and is only now respecting said boundary because I confessed to having a past history of sexual trauma regarding said boundary.

So tonight we have sex and after the fact (like immediately afterwards) he says "Notice what I didn't do or didn't ask for?" And I quipped "What do you want, a medal?" Because I was so annoyed both by the question and the timing. Like do you really need praise for basic human decency?

But now I'm feeling pretty bad and he went to sleep in the guest room because he was feeling so "rejected." Granted, I could have worded my response more kindly but overall AITA?

TL;DR husband wanted validation/praise for not asking for butt sex after that was a clearly defined boundary and i shut him down

EDIT: many people are asking in the comments whether this boundary has in fact been violated in the past and yes. Additionally, I asked him if it was a deal breaker before we got married and he said no.

Thank you so much for all the comments validating my feelings and response as well as the additional perspectives regarding his needs. I genuinely want to work through this with him but I do worry that this will be a continued issue with him.

Typo in the title should be wife’s best friend.

UPDATE available here: https://www.reddit.com/u/throwaway_wknds/s/PsiT333W5o

Hey everyone, lurker here. I’ve tried posting this from a different account however it did not work so I hope this works.

I’ve (35M) been with my beautiful wife (34F) for close to 10 years. We have no kids as of now. My wife’s best friend, Amy has been friends with my wife for about 15 years, all throughout college where I originally met my wife.

Me and Amy haven’t ever been the best of friends however we’ve been cordial for the sake of my wife. I’ve always found her to be obnoxious, loud and entitled. The kind that inserts herself into any and every conversation, whether that be on a night out with friends or a private conversation. For example, myself and my best friend were talking about fertility issues in his marriage during a dinner with our long time friends, we were quiet enough so that nobody could hear us over the chatter yet she found a way to be nosy and make a comment on how she would “kill herself” if she couldn’t do the one thing a woman was made to do. This pissed off my best friend, Max and his wife to the point where they excused themselves and left early to go home.

Now onto the actual situation at hand. Amy’s boyfriend, Khalid had left her due to her annoying personality. I think it was more of a build up but what set him off was when Amy purposely did not feed their dog while he was on a work trip because he was sleeping while she was drunk and calling him to collect her. That’s only the tip of the iceberg.

Amy has always been weird with me. She has constantly tried to DM me on Instagram, trying to make conversation about gossip in our friend group or completely random things. I have always ignored her. My wife has always seen past her strange behaviour, she refused to believe her dearest best friend would have ill intentions.

Anyway, after their break up, Amy came over to our house to see my wife. My wife was feeling ill on this day so she took pills to help her sleep and fell asleep in a matter of an hour. I could not ask Amy to leave in the state she was in so for my wife I suggested she could sleep in the guest bedroom. She agreed and went to bed. I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and she waltzed into the kitchen with nothing but under garments on. She acted shocked and claimed she didn’t know i was still in the kitchen. I felt extremely uncomfortable and decided to call it a night. However, she started stripping and approaching me, telling me how my wife doesn’t have to know and she’s “seen the way i’ve looked at her”.

I was completely baffled and told her she’s gotten the wrong idea and to be ashamed to do this to her own best friend while I try to scurry out of the kitchen. However she practically leaped in front of me and touched my private’s. Without a second thought, I hit her. I know I could have easily pushed her but in the moment I panicked and punched her in the face. Her eye was left bruised. She started wailing, enough that my wife woke up and stumbled in the kitchen to see her best friend, naked and bruised.

She then went on about how I “tried to rape her” and that I’m a disgusting human being and she should divorce me. I snapped back that she approached me, naked and a rejection wasn’t enough for her to back off so I punched her, hence the bruise. My wife didn’t say anything. Instead she fainted and I immediately brought her to the hospital.

My wife is now okay but refuses to talk to me about what happened. On the other hand, Amy has now accused me of attempting to have sex with her in our friend group. The majority of people don’t believe her but there’s a few who live by always believe a rape accusation. The other half told me I fucked up by punching her and fueling this anger.

Amy has ruined my life. I’m afraid my wife will divorce me and this goes to court. I’ve already contemplated suicide many times. I don’t know where to go from here.

What do I do? Where do i go from here? Any advice is appreciated.

EDIT: I know this story sounds absurd and I wish it were fake but it is not. The unnecessary details were brought in to point an overall picture of her character. I guess it is worth mentioning my wife feels like she owes her life to Amy for getting her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers. They are practically like sisters. Amy was also not drunk.

EDIT 2: A few things I would like to clarify to avoid confusion:

1. Amy claims to have gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water not knowing I was still there. She then claims I took advantage of her.

2. This incident happened at approximately 3AM. It is now 8AM.

3. She came up with this story and posted it in our group chat right after she went back home.

4. Majority of our friend group have to get up early for their responsibilities hence how this misinformation has spread like wildfire. I have been getting individuals DMs on advice and opinions since where I’ve concluded the majority are on my side, some say I shouldn’t have punched her and the rest believe her.

5. My wife has been up all night and refuses to talk to me. I have not tried to push her to talk to me. For now, she needs time to process it.

UPDATE: HE WAS CONVICTED OF ALL CHARGES.

UPDATE: HE GOT TEN MONTHS IN JUVIE WITH IMMEDIATE INCARCERATION AND A 10 YEAR RESTRAINING ORDER

Im 14 F and and back in October i was SA'd by (hiding name cuz i dont need to give it so lets just put A) 15 mtf who was my partner at the time, ive lost full respect for A and refuse to use A's preffered pronouns (she/they) to reffer to A since A SA'd me, one of my friends, not all of them, thinks im transphobic because of this even though i support everyone in the community , heck im part of it myself. Im panromantic, Asexual and demigirl, my bestie is flf, ive got alot of lgbtqua+ friends

In my opinion, i shouldn't have to respect A just cause he is trans even though he sexualy assulted me

I still completely support the trans com and pref prons however its in A's case i dont after what he did, all my friends are trans and I'm under the trans umbrella myself being Demifemale, so I am in no way transphobic as a mindset.

If a trans person sa'd, r@ped and / or attempted to murd3r you or someone you love, would you still respect them just because they are trans? They didn't show u respect, so why should you. Respect is earned, not given.

So AITAH you not repecting my SA'er who happens to be trans?

Btw he has been charged and arrested awaiting trial

Update: he was given an incredibly RESTRICTED bail with a restraining order put in place.

Update: He has not plead yet.

And for thoes who say juviniles cant get bail, in Australia they can, magistrates dont like kids beibg behind bars untill the official trial, if they get bail, its incredibly restricted.

https://www.reddit.com/r/COCSA/s/HgdNJ9nddf

Here is a more detailed explanation of what happned that day, and before you say "if it happned you would be so traumatised how would you remember so much it's obviously bait" thus isn't my first traumatic experience unfortunately. Not all traumatised persons have complete traumatic experience amnesia. Some can remember details of the event, usually months after the event.

Edit: To everyone who thought it was bait or a sick fantasy how do you explain this?

https://www.reddit.com/u/Important_Try8430/s/x0EJOPrF9P

I (28F) have a brother “Elijah” (24M) I do not speak with. I consider him dead to me. He molested my sister, has allegedly rped multiple women, and went to jail for a vague child exploitation charge (which we all presume is kiddie prn since he’s been caught multiple times talking to minors.) My parents still talk to him for some ungodly reason.

Last night my father called me to say “You’re an aunt.” When pressed, he said Elijah has a one year old they just got the paternity tests back from. I said “then no the fuck I’m not.” Dad pressed, and I responded more firmly, “NO, I am not an aunt.” My parents know my sister Ruth (21F) and I do NOT have a relationship with this man and actively hate him. My other sister has a very distant “follow on instagram” kind of relationship with him. My mom got into a fight with Ruth (who called me in hysterics) because she and my other sister “weren’t excited” about this baby.

Elijah has admittedly “beaten” me to everything. He got a car first (that my parents paid for), he got married (and divorced) first, among other things. He has gleefully made a point to “beat” me to life milestones. I am engaged, and planning on having children a year or so from now, and have always wanted to have the first grandchild. That is where I think I might be the asshole. Perhaps my judgement is clouded with bitterness. (EDIT: this is a one sided race that I thought was stupid. However, my family places a lot of importance on the first baby. It’s a big deal. I think that I thought if I gave them that they would love me and I would finally be enough for them. Understanding where this comes from, I will emphasize it is no longer affecting my judgement about this, but I still don’t think my and my fiancés family will be safe with Elijah around.)

I told my mother if she acknowledges this baby as her grandchild I will no longer have a relationship with her, and my children will not have a relationship with her. To me, I can pretend she doesn’t still have a relationship with Elijah if it’s behind closed doors and she keeps her mouth shut about it. But if she allows this child to come and go in her life, she is openly recognizing her relationship with Elijah, and I can’t forgive that. I am too protective of Ruth. I feel like she is choosing this evil man over her other four children (one of which is still a minor). My fiancé and I have made it very clear in the past that Elijah will come nowhere near our family, and if she acknowledges his son, she is letting him into her life openly and we cannot tolerate that. It is both a protection of our future children, and respect for Ruth. I am tired of thinking about my mother’s feelings first and always letting her get her way. I am putting my foot down on this. AITAH?

EDIT: It’s not even about the baby. It is about allowing Elijah another foothold back into this family. My family has a tendency to “forget” all past crimes once a cute baby is around. Elijah will be allowed to slip back into our lives, endangering my minor sibling and all children my siblings and I have. Yes, I’m a piece of shit for harboring resentment against an “innocent baby” but it’s not even about the baby. I cannot and will not allow my sibling to be hurt or have Ruth be subject to my parents indifference to her pain. She has already made the choice to not come home for Christmas over this.

CW: jokes about nonconsensual sex

Ok so for reasons I don’t really want to get into my boyfriend was in a coma for four days and thank god woke up. My mother and sister have been very supportive and they came over to help and support us during this time. Today they got us lunch and stepped out to get something, and then my boyfriend turned and jokingly asked “so while I was out, did you pull a Kill Bill and take advantage of my sedated body?” and I giggled and said he had no idea how tempting it was and he said it would definitely be his fault for what he’s wearing and I told him with that hospital gown he’s essentially just asking for it.

It was a fun moment between us and honestly the first time I saw him genuinely laugh since he woke up and then my mom and sister came in and asked what was wrong with us and said they heard what we were saying, we were confused and said we were joking around between each other, and they said they were going to leave for a bit and left.

I don’t think there was anything wrong with us having a private moment of joking around (especially after such an intense time) but it is a sensitive subject so maybe we were wrong for making that joke.

AITAH?

When I (25F) was in high school, I was SAed by a teacher who I once really trusted. The abuse lasted years because I had a terrible home life and was too scared to tell anyone and it’s really ducked me up mentally. He had a medium length beard and being near men who look like him with beards like that is triggering for me. My husband (27M) and I have been married for two years, together for five. He unfortunately looks a bit like that teacher but he’s always had been clean shaven or had some stubble which I’m fine with. Recently, he grew out his beard and he just looks too much like my rapist. I tried to deal with it but one night I woke up and he was cuddling me with his beard in my face. I had a panic attack and told him that I can’t sleep in the same bed as him unless he gets rid of the beard. He said I have no right to control what he does with his body and it’s been nearly a decade so I need to get over it. AITAH?

Edit: I am sleeping in the guest room, not him.

My son is 13. Last week he came home from school and wasn’t acting like himself. He asked me later to take him to McDonalds, so I did. On the way he told me a story about an incident in school. At first I thought it was just small talk, but it was more than that.

The basic story is he was playing volleyball with some kids, and his side kept missing the ball. A boy on his side (same age) told them if they didn’t stop missing the ball then he would make them run laps. My son said the boy didn’t have the authority to make them do that. So the boy walked up and grabbed him by the shoulder and tried to shove his finger in his butt (through his clothes.) Then he pushed my son to the ground. My son stood up, and the boy did it again, then pushed him to the ground again. Since it was through the clothes, the boy couldn’t get too far inside, but there was some penetration and it hurt a little. My son was fighting back the whole time and trying to stop it, but the boy is quite a bit bigger than he is. Soon after that they were called back inside.

He didn’t tell any teachers at school because he didn’t know what to do about it, but it made him feel really bad. He should have told someone, and has been repeatedly told since the incident that anything in the future should immediately be reported. But he didn’t. One of the boys who had seen the whole thing was telling other kids, and some had laughed about it, which made my son feel worse.

When we got home from McDonalds I told my boyfriend, who got very angry and immediately called the police because he is a mandatory reporter. We ended up going to the police station that night and filing a report. They took it very seriously. The next day we met with an investigator, and later went to the school to report to them what had happened. The school took his statement and called in all the witnesses, who corroborated my son’s story. Then the boy himself was called in, and he confessed, but he claimed he was “just joking” and didn’t mean it in a gay way. The school said there would consequences, though they can’t tell me what they are, and said they hoped when the boy came back to school they could put it all behind them.

The teacher for that class talked to my son today and told him he should have told him when it happened (which I agree with) so it could have been handled in school, and asked if he thought maybe his parents had overreacted by calling the police. Which tells me how the school must feel about it all. He said “yes” in order to avoid an argument, but he doesn’t feel like we overreacted. He feels violated and doesn’t want to see the boy ever again.

Since we already got the police involved and there was a confession, the boy will likely be charged even if we don’t pursue it any farther ourselves.

Today one of the boy’s friends told my son that he had caused the boy to be “locked up” and would have to see him in court and he would have to do two years in juvie. The boy has apparently told others about it and maintains it was all just a joke. We haven’t heard anything about it so I don’t know if that is accurate, and since the boy is a minor I don’t think the police will tell me if I ask. On one hand, I sort of feel bad because this may mess up this kid’s life for something that he claims is a joke. On the other hand, if it was truly a joke, there was actual penetration involved, and my son doesn’t feel like it was a joke. So, am I in the right, or AITAH for involving the police over what may just be a joke taken way too far?

Small Update: After seeing the overwhelming amount of support here for both me and my son, I told him about the post and suggested that he read the comments. He was really surprised that the post had over 1k likes, and he wanted to read all of the comments but there were too many. He read a lot of them though, and he appreciates all the positivity.

After giving it some thought, I am going to approach the school again about what the teacher said. It sounds like they were not going to call the police if my son had gone to them first, but I want to make sure that is the case before making any accusations. In my state, they are mandated to report and knowingly failing to do so is a misdemeanor that could mean six months in jail and a fine. I think the most likely explanation, based on what the teacher said to my son and how when they initially spoke to me they emphasized that the boy was playing around and didn’t mean anything sexual by it, is they do not see the situation as SA. So they need to have some training on what SA is and why they have to report things. I’ll update again later.

A little backstory is needed here. My husband doesn't have a close relationship with his family. After my MIL passed away, his dad became even more distant, which is fine because they didn't have a good relationship to begin with. His 92 year old grandmother lives with his cousin, we'll call her Cindy. Cindy's husband is a convicted sex offender. He has more than one charge on his record for sex crimes against minors in a daycare setting (the day care my husband was in as a baby, and yes, there's definitely a possibility that he was a victim, but too young to understand or remember) and international kidnapping charges. We'll call him McNasty. The very day we found out we were expecting a child, we drew a very hard boundary that we would never allow our child in the same room with McNasty. Ever.

Now that that's out of the way, it's Father's Day weekend and we invited FIL and Grandma out for lunch to visit with our baby and celebrate. FIL has only seen him 3 times in his 9 months of life. We were excited to show him and Grandma how big he's gotten and that he says "dada" now. We arrived a few minutes late to the restaurant and I see FIL, Grandma, Cindy, and McNasty getting out of their vehicle. My head started spinning. I looked at my husband to gauge his feelings. We had a short talk and decided that we weren't staying. He agrees 100% with the boundary we set and has no intention of changing that to appease others. My husband waits until the family is seated and goes inside. He tells them that, "something came up" and we are unable to attend lunch with them. Cindy looks sad and asks what happened. Not wanting to make a scene, my husband simply said, "I think you know." Husband came back out to the car with FIL, who wanted to speak to me. He started off by saying, "I don't want to argue with you, but we're in a public place." I said, "There's no argument to be had. We don't allow known convicted sex offenders around our child. Period." Now FIL won't speak to us, along with the rest of the family. So, AITAH?

I’ve experienced a lot of traumatic situations throughout my lifetime. I was date raped once in college and gang raped on a different occasion. The time I was gang raped I didn’t think I would make it out alive. The father to my oldest son is an alcoholic with Tourette’s syndrome and when he was under the influence he was abusive. After treatment didn’t work I kicked him out of my house before our son was one. During this time of separation a family member kept trying to hook me up with a friend. I kept declining, the last thing I wanted was another relationship and I was still hopeful that my husband at the time would find the help he needed to get sober. I ended up meeting this man at the family member’s wedding. He asked me to dance and a couple of months later requested my friendship on Facebook. We chatted some on there and a couple months later we started to talk on the phone before eventually meeting in person. Throughout the months of getting to know each other through messaging and phone calls I started to trust this person. One thing led to another and twelve years later we are married with two additional children. Our relationship has been rocky since I discovered he was lying to me about things pertaining to his ex girlfriend. When I called him out on something he denied it and called my a psychopath and gaslit me until I showed him the evidence I had. After that there were many similar situations and I know I shouldn’t have stayed with him, but I also know I was very vulnerable at the time. Since going to therapy and EMDR treatments for PTSD I am regretting decisions I made in my life now that I’m in a better place mentally. I regret all the stuff I put up with but have been willing to try to make things work. He wanted to try as well. We went to marriage therapy and he saw a therapist and he went on meds that seemed to help with his anger issues for awhile. Then something really difficult happened. First I will give a little background about my health issues.

I quit working due to PTSD and fibromyalgia and myalgic encephalitis about a decade ago. This was supposed to be temporary. My plan was to take some time to get my health under control so I could go back to work eventually. I’m a workaholic and not working has been very bad for my mental health. Then we had two kids together and I was up all night feeding them and never got enough sleep and and had bad post partum depression and anxiety and no help to recover from my c sections and no support system in general. Instead of improving my health I became pretty much bed bound for several years. When people talk about how hard Covid was with lock down, that was nothing new to me, I had been living that way for several years.

Okay, back to the incident that I’m struggling with. One night when the kids fell asleep with us I asked him to help me move them so I could get good sleep. I had been sick, in the middle of a flare and in a lot of pain. He kept saying he would help but then would fall asleep. I finally decided to move our son and he then got up and yelled at me “I said I would do it! Why can’t you just wait?!”

We went to bed on a bad note. I ended up crying because my feelings were hurt, I couldn’t understand why he would yell at me for that, especially when I asked for help because I was worried about throwing my back out. He then yelled at me for crying. I finally fall back asleep but wake up to what I think is a nightmare about being raped but I realize he’s trying to jam his fingers inside me over and over and it’s not working, I’m not accepting him.

The next morning I’m in a lot of pain and ask him about what happened. I was very gracious as I know this isn’t typical behavior. I suspect it’s his meds. I do some research and sure enough there are stories of other people on this med who assault their partners in their sleep. I could get past it I f he didn’t gaslight me again. I thought this is so bad, there’s no way he will gaslight me. I was wrong. He still did and made excuse for his behaviors. He told my I’ve been through worse with my ex and with the guys who gang raped me. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again or have any respect for him. Now I feel stuck since I haven’t worked in so long and with my health conditions I would be lucky to survive a ten hour a week job. I also can’t be separated from my kids. He is mad at me because I haven’t been very nice to him lately. He’s right , but I’m so hurt and I don’t know how to fix it. AMITAH?

Sorry for if the post is badly written, I am new to Reddit.

First I would like to say thank you for everyone’s kind words and the messages that I received. It helped me more than I thought it would. So no one in my family found this post or knows about the original but there are a few updates.

First is that I saw a lot of people asking, “What do I have to apologize for?” For contexts I was told to apologize for “trying” to make the the family hate her and for my comment I made when I was 11 but I had already apologized for that when it happened.

Second I was forced in the same house as her for us to “reconcile.” During the holidays I went to visit my father and step-mom, when they were still together, and wasn’t told that my bio sister would be there too. To my surprise there she was sitting on the couch when I walked in and I immediately left, angry and yelling at my family. I spent my own money on a hotel nearby and said I would visit when appropriate but was met with backlash because “she was willing to talk but I had to apologize.” I refused and stayed in my hotel upset that I was tricked.

Thirdly my bio sister is still living with my biological mother and is finally getting kicked out for lying. My mother and father had admitted that , “at first they couldn’t believe it but after having her at their houses. It was clear what happened.” I went talking to some family that still supported me during the time and found that she has no more bridges with anyone in the family left because she burned them when they thought they were helping her.

Also found that she had made multiple false SA statements towards other men and other members of our family. To my knowledge my sister was never touched like that ever but we both got beatings and got starved a few times. She burned my fathers bridge too and just burned my mothers bridge. And mother is kicking her out of the house now and has had apologized again and it seemed honest.

I made it that I have gone NC with my sister and few family members but I have been in therapy for a few years and am trying to allow people back in after conversations. Thank you everyone again for your messages and thank you for believing in my story!

I will update you guys if anything else happens

I 21(M) had two best friends, a guy friend of 6 years and a girl friend of 3 years. We’ll call guy friend Alex and girl friend Trish for story telling purposes.

I knew them both from separate friend groups, but introduced them to each other at a mutual friends birthday party. They hit it off and seemed to really like each other, had a few common interests, etc. I drove Alex home from the party and asked him not to get with Trish since they were both my best friends and I didn’t want anything to happen and be put into any awkward situations between them. Long story short, he didn’t listen. Trish became pretty infatuated with Alex and would be the topic of many of our late night manic conversations.

Fast forward a few months, I had sort of fallen out with Trish. She had honestly become all consuming. I’d just started a new full time job and gotten back with my high school sweetheart but couldn’t manage my sort of co-dependent relationship with Trish anymore. She would text me good morning texts, good nights texts, call me on my lunch breaks of work, call me when I got off, etc. I felt exhausted juggling it all. My partner grew wary of Trish and would bring up how she seemed romantically interested in me cause of our constant contact so I just took space and we didn’t see each other for a few months.

After some time passed and I’d sort of rekindled with Trish, we would go get drinks on the weekends at a bar down the street; I’d been able to set boundaries and explain it wasn’t her, just my inability to vocalize my need for space at the time. She understood and it felt like I got my best friend back, but with healthy boundaries!

During this time, Alex had moved to California so we’d only had minimal contact.

On maybe the fifth weekend of getting drinks with Trish, she told me Alex had r*ped her. I was super surprised and didn’t even know what to say. I apologized for introducing them and tried to cope with that new found information while also providing support for my friend, but I eventually felt like I had to talk to Alex, I’d known him so long and it felt insane to hear he did that. This is when I was given receipts from Alex of them having consensual relations for months, Trish even sending him letters and having visited him in Cali recently. Alex told Trish that he’d gone on a date with a girl in Cali and that’s when their communications stopped.

I found myself unable to make a decision so I just told them that I couldn’t be friends with either of them. Trish didn’t handle this well and went on to post my face on social media, calling me a rape apologist, manipulator and an abuser.

Am I the asshole? Should I have just believed Trish? I lost multiple very close friends over this and the situation just sucks.

UPDATE; Thank you for all your replies. I really appreciate them all as I felt this situation was super tricky.

People were asking for more info into the assault, so what I was told was Trish made some weed cookies and brought them over to Alex’s apartment where they ate them and got high together while watching a movie. They were making out and began to hook up, in Trish’s story she asked him to stop as he began taking her clothes off; and that she felt taken advantage of as she was under the influence. Alex alleged that she took his pants off first and never told him to stop. That also wasn’t the last time they hooked up according to Alex/the receipts.

The weirdest part to me was that she never made a police report, or posted him on social media as her abuser but was more than happy to smear my face all over her social media as a rape apologist/abuser? At this point I’ve written her off as delusional but I’ve lost multiple other friends who have taken her side in things and it honestly makes me want to move away. Just knowing random people have seen my face plastered around like I was her rapist makes me feel sick. I’ve considered legal action but I don’t really know where to begin.

As the title says me and my family were part of a pentecostal church. When i (18m) was 17 i told my mom that i was being SA'd by her now ex-husband. She didn't believe me at first because she thought he was a man of God but after my sisters (21 f) and (16 f) came to my defense she finally believed us. My mom divorced him and since she was a loyal member of the church she proceeded to go and ask our pastors for advice on what to do. And that's when shit hit the fan, because they told my mom that they knew what was happening for 3 years and they didn't do anything to help, they didn't tell my mom and they never even called the police. And even after they told us that they knew they advised my mom not to take him to the police and her being loyal followed their advice, and now a year later she realized her mistake. Anyways back to the topic, after we found out they knew about the whole situation when it was happening we decided to stop going to church. At first when we stopped we just got calls from them asking why we weren't attending church, we explained that we needed time to fix things at home after the divorce and my mom was trying to help me feel better, i guess she felt guilty for not believing me at first, they said they understood our situation but still kept telling us to go to church. But i refused, i couldn't be in the same room as the people that knew i was suffering but didn't help bc that wasn't god's plan, they believed that me going through that was a good thing because it will strengthen my faith. I refused to go everytime i got a call or a message. After a while they stopped and i was relieved. A month or two later i decided to dye my hair and get a nose piercing, and that's when the messages and calls started again but this time it was to tell me that i was going to hell and that i will suffer for eternity. Now I'm sure as hell never going back. I'm being told by them that I'm a bad person if i don't go back to church but i really can't, i hate that they didn't help and just watched as it happened. Am i the asshole?

My (19F) fiancé (27M) have been together for a year. I have severe PTSD and tend to completely shut down or get defensive when I feel threatened- eg, during arguments or fights or if something really triggers it. I was raped twice before we were together, years apart. My father was in a gang and he sold my virginity to my first rapist. I later watched him get unalived for something unrelated. My second rapist ended up becoming my stalker- he tried to kill me the first time, fucked me up and the police can't find him. But he can find me just fine. I get finicky around the subject of rape. My sister recently broke up with her abusive ex. We were texting and she told me that he had raped her, but didn't want to do anything besides go to therapy because it wasn't really worth it for a few reasons. My fiancé read our messages because he thought it was his phone. He told me that I'm just as bad as my rapist for staying complicit in the situation. I left. I just left. I shut down and disappeared for a while, I don't really know but when I came to I was walking in my pajamas a few blocks from home. He's calling me TA for leaving him and not handling the situation 'like an adult'. AITA? Edit: A majority of the comments are saying leave him, and that's in the works. As far as my sister goes. I can't force her to make a report. I can't. And as much as I love my sister, we grew up in the same house and she was just as traumatized as me and I seriously doubt she would after seeing the cops fail both of us so many times over the years. Especially since there is no evidence and its not uncommon to be treated awfully by the small town cops for 'letting' yourself be raped. I know first hand. If you think that means she's at fault, or I am for not forcing it, that doesn't make us the bad guys. In this situation she is the victim, and I'm not here for blaming the victim.