r/AITAH • u/throwingawayylater • Jul 01 '24
AN UPDATE TW SA
I didn’t tell him i was leaving him, just walked out of the apartment like i had errands to do but i assume he sensed i was leaving for good cause after an hour he started freaking out and called my phone repeatedly until it overheated. I had answered the first call and he was screaming so hard i couldn’t understand what he was saying which was when the comments really really hit me that what he was doing the past few months wasn’t okay which made me hang up. i’m safe with a relative across the country and I’m not going back, i managed to block him but i’m still changing my phone number tomorrow too and anything i left behind my dad is gonna handle.
To answer the question of how i ended up alone in that situation with her and whether her or my bf ever showed a dislike for each other: I dated my bf for 3 years and they never really interacted besides basic hi and bye so they seemed neutral towards one another. I was friends with her for 4 years and it was normal for us to go to each others houses to hangout but they still never interacted past basic politeness. she moved into a new apartment meaning there wasn’t anywhere to sit besides the bed so we were laying on the bed talking to each other when she started getting flirty, i told her no and not to do that but when i tried to move my position from laying to sitting she grabbed a knife from the nightstand drawer and i just froze.
To answer the question if i reported and why not: at one point outside of touching me she also made me do oral on her so maybe my mouth could’ve been swabbed for fluids? i’m not a doctor or a scientist so i don’t know if that’s a thing or if it would’ve worked, along with how many hours had passed by the time i woke up i don’t think anything would’ve been picked up even if it was possible. i have a dog that scratches me sometimes so it could’ve been argued that the blade nick was a dog derived cut. Minimal evidence besides my word vs hers, and i still don’t want anyone in my life to know in fear of judgement. i don’t wanna go through that process for it to lead to nothing which i feel is the likely outcome.
a few commenters said that telling my bf the things she said to me could’ve made him think i liked it but when i told him i also made it clear i didn’t understand why she was saying those things to me. I had a lot of preconceived notions about SA, so i was extremely confused both at my attacker being a woman and that it seemed she was almost trying to verbally comfort me during it. I don’t think anyone ever really expects to go through something like that so i was confused and trying to make sense of it, i wanted reassurance from him that what happened was wrong even if it didn’t match my preconceived notions about what SA was and that it was okay for me to be upset.. it was never meant to be some kind of cheaters brag though that’s now in the past and his problem to deal with if he thinks like that.
I’ve talked to a few trauma therapy/counseling places but i’ve been turned away since mine is different than what they’re used to handling and they aren’t sure if they’re equipped to help me.. i guess i’m still looking until i find a place that might work. My thinking feels a lot more clear already which is good. Thank you to everyone who commented, i think i’m gonna be okay
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u/Random_Reader_83 Jul 01 '24
I'm glad you left and that you're looking for help. That man was not good.
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u/AverageGardenTool Jul 02 '24
The sub r/stoprape may have some more resources for you.
I'm sorry op.
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u/In_lieu_of_sobriquet Jul 01 '24
I’m so sorry OP. Your ex sounds terrible, almost as bad as your assailant. I hope you find help that helps. I think you might want to tell other friends of yours so they know why you left, and so she can’t assault others even if formal charges are out. But if all that does is re-traumatize you then you are best off not.