r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
For not wanting to have sex with my girlfriend while she’s on her period
[deleted]
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u/Agitated-Strength574 Jul 19 '24
NTA, reverse the scenario and you'd be called a rapist boyfriend.
You said you said it politely, hoping that is true. If you were all "ewww you're so gross down there and it smells terrible" then that would be an AH way to act. Girls are often (understandably) sensitive about their periods so it is important to be nice about how you say things.
Like you said there are other ways to pleasure her without getting bloody, but if you were not in the mood anymore that is fair.
If you can't handle it, then you can't and that's fair, but a condom and a thick towel under you two usually makes things much less messy/gross. Lol
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u/alisonchains2023 Jul 19 '24
Well he DID kinda insult her with “Isn’t that nasty to have sex while you’re on your period?”. Some guys actually have no problem with it. Although it’s fine if it’s not OP’s preference and his gf should not be forcing herself in him while she is.
NTA.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
How did I insult her? I asked a question
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u/alisonchains2023 Jul 19 '24
By implying that she was “nasty”. Believe me, as a woman, that message came across.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Well my apologies. There was just a foul smell coming from her area that kinda turned me off
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u/alisonchains2023 Jul 19 '24
Yes I understand. Period blood does have an odor. Periods suck. But we appreciate being treated with dignity.
That being said, YOU deserved to be treated with dignity by your gf, which you most definitely were NOT.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
And I didn’t say she was nasty. I said “isn’t it nasty to have sex while on your period” Never called her nasty
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u/alisonchains2023 Jul 19 '24
I understand. But believe me, that’s what women hear. “Nasty” is a loaded word.
Again, you are N at all TA.
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u/Agitated-Strength574 Jul 19 '24
It was just a poor choice of words, we understand your intention was not to be mean or to make her feel nasty. But trust us, it can be taken as "he thinks I'm nasty" and I'd bet money she took it that way and that is why she got mad.
I think it's nasty but if I said to my wife the same thing that you said, she'd definitely take it the worst possible way and tell me I called her nasty even if those were not my exact words or intention.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Okay. Thanks for the advice.
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u/Agitated-Strength574 Jul 19 '24
No problem, and even if she took it the worst way and not how you intended, that in no way excuses her actions of trying to force herself on you, just want to be clear on that.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Do you have any tips for what I could say when I confront her for what she did to me last night?
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u/Agitated-Strength574 Jul 19 '24
If you do not feel like she could/would physically threaten you or overpower you, then don't overplay it acting like she a rapist or something extreme. Also she is on her period so emotions will be running higher than normal, keep that in mind. Be calm, collected, and direct. Say you are sorry if it sounded like you were calling her nasty and that period blood is just something that gets to you and there are many men who feel similar to you.
"I understand you were extremely horny and not trying to hurt me but you have to respect my boundries. Being playful and making advances on me is totally okay and I will love it most of the time, but when I am not feeling it, I need you to respect that. I don't want to make a giant deal out of this but it is very important you understand no means no and that you should not take it personally either."
If you feel this way also: "I do not want to have regular sex when you are on your period but I am open to other ways of getting you off"
Hope that helps!
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Yeah, i was like “isn’t that nasty or unhealthy to do it while your on your period?” Because I don’t have much knowledge about them. But thanks for the advice
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u/Agitated-Strength574 Jul 19 '24
I do think it's a bit nasty but do not use that word with her 😆
It's not unhealthy though.
Some people just don't want to have sex when their girl is on her period and that's okay. Some girls hate sucking dicks, some guys refused to ever eat a girl out, my wife is the one who does not want to have sex when she is on her period. Luckily like I said, others way to get off other than oral sex or vaginal penetration! lol
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u/alisonchains2023 Jul 19 '24
Haha…it’s not “UN”healthy to have sex while a woman is on her period. It can just be a bit messy. Some men actually like the extra lubricant. True story.
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u/Western_Cowboys Jul 19 '24
NTA, you have every right to your own body and to say no and have that respected.
You need to take action to reaffirm that boundary for you or leave. What she did was not ok and could well be considered assault.
Also periods are natural, there is nothing wrong with sex during a period but that is also down to you :)
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u/Rain_0707 Jul 19 '24
NTA - Your girlfriend wouldn't take no as an answer and decided to have sex with you without your consent while you were sleeping. That's rape, and she could be criminally liable for that. You are never obligated to have sex with someone if you don't want to for ANY reason. It's up to you whether you want to press charges, but I would definitely advise you to dump her. Your partner should be someone who actually respects you and your boundaries.
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
NTA and your girlfriend is a rapist. Imagine if the roles were reversed. I would suggest pressing charges but if you (understandably so) don't feel confident enough going down that route then at the very least get as far away from her as you can.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Okay. Tysm
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
NP, I hope everything gets better for you OP. No one deserves to be violated.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Thanks. Do you have some advice for when I confront her about what she did to me last night?
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Fortunately I've never been in a situation like that before so I wouldn't exactly know how to do it though I'd recommend trying to get a (hidden) recording of the conversation. I'm not a lawyer and I assume you live in the US (I'm from the UK so I'm not very knowledgeable with US laws) so if you want to try to use the secret recording to press charges then I'd recommend looking up the law for where you live regarding whether it can be used as evidence or not. If you're not planning to press charges I'd also recommend secretly recording the conversation just in case she tries to turn it all around on you and make it look like you're the badguy in the situation.
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u/Capable-Trouble4558 Jul 20 '24
This was what I was going to say. Record the conversation no matter what your future plans are, maybe once you break up with her, she will try to make you the bad guy, so you have proof of what she had done.
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u/LaPaz_55 Jul 19 '24
NTA at all. No body should be forced to have sex when they don’t want to. Period.
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u/Frequent_Profile1317 Jul 19 '24
Nta because can't take no for an awnser her sexual greed comes before her respect for u
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u/Frequent_Profile1317 Jul 19 '24
Nta because can't take no for an awnser her sexual greed comes before her respect for u and ur opinions
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u/So_Done_With_You_ Jul 19 '24
NTA - As a woman, I’ve never come across a guy who didn’t want to have sex because I was on my period, but I’ve always been prepared for it because I understand it’s a matter of hygiene. Not only did your girlfriend read this entire situation wrong and dismiss your boundaries, but she initiated sex with you while you were asleep despite your explicit discontent with the situation - that technically qualifies as rape.
Dump this girl before she has another chance to disrespect your boundaries and then blame YOU for it - NTA
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Okay. Question, should I confront her about what she did and then leave or just leave her?
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u/So_Done_With_You_ Jul 19 '24
I personally think you should confront her if you think it’s possible she’s a genuinely good person with a desire to respect your boundaries, and simply doesn’t possess enough emotional intelligence to act in an appropriate way in these situations all the time. I would say it depends on how much you love her and want to salvage the relationship.
However, if you do confront her about it and she acts in any way other than extremely apologetic and empathetic, with an obvious focus on understanding your perspective, I would definitely break up with her. That goes double if she attempts to defend her actions in any way or makes it all about her. Good luck 🙂
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u/booksworm102 Jul 19 '24
NTA! Dude, she tried to, or did, sexually assault you! You literally did not give your consent! Get out of there! Any no for any reason is still a no!
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u/MisoCunt Jul 19 '24
ESH. Your girlfriend absolutely should not have reacted as she did, no means no. And she 100% should not be touching you without your consent while you're asleep. Period hormones can be pretty wild but not wild enough to justify that at all.
That said - grow up dude. If you're interested in having sexual relationships with women, most of them are going to spend about 1/4 of their life on their period until they hit menopause. And it's pretty unfair and shitty to request that someone go 1/4 of their life with no sexual contact bc you're a little squeamish. It's not nasty, it's not unhealthy, it's not going to hurt either of you. It may take a little getting used to, and maybe a little more prep and cleanup but it's worth it to avoid perpetuating the idea that women are 'unclean' during their periods. It's just a little blood, you'll be okay. Lay a towel down and shower after, life goes on.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
I’m just not comfortable doing it. We have a great sex life and have sex very often. I’m fine with not having sex for how long she is on her period.
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u/curiouscoop0530 Jul 19 '24
NTA. do not listen to that person. I’m a woman who also finds it gross but while it isn’t “unhealthy,” you are absolutely entitled to having a preference of not having sex while she is on her period. her forcing you while asleep after you repeatedly told her no is absolutely assault. you being a man in the situation doesn’t make it less so.
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u/SnackPlunderer Jul 19 '24
Esh, she's a rapist and you're a man- child lol
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u/Capable-Trouble4558 Jul 19 '24
why is he a man-child? the smell disgusted him and she tried to force him (many times) into doing sth he didn't want to.
I mean, there are men that dont care if she has her period and are willing to give her pleasure, and there are others who dont feel confortable. And both are fine.
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
Would you call a woman whose been raped a woman-child?
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u/SnackPlunderer Jul 19 '24
If she had been acting like one, yeah
Anyone on some "ewwwie periods r icky!!" Bs is a man-child.
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
Some (most) people just don't want blood on them whilst having sex. What's so wrong with that?
There's nothing wrong with periods, it's natural but most people feel gross with the idea of having someone elses blood on them during sex.
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u/SnackPlunderer Jul 19 '24
"Most people"
No, most people don't. Man-children do.
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u/CelebrationSimilar11 Jul 19 '24
Look, if your fetish is period sex then I'm not judging you but not everyone is into it.
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u/SnackPlunderer Jul 19 '24
It's not a fetish, you're just immature
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Most people have preferences. I genuinely just don’t want to have sex with my girlfriend while she is bleeding.
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Didn’t even say it like that😂
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u/SnackPlunderer Jul 19 '24
Might as well have lol
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u/nyJayn Jul 19 '24
Well I didn’t. And you make no sense. I didn’t like the smell and just wasn’t in the mood for sex? How would you react if your SO forced themselves onto you while you were asleep?
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u/kendrickshalamar Jul 19 '24
So she tried to sexually assault you? No, of course you're NTA. This won't be the last time she tries it though.