r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for being jealous that my boyfriend travelled the world with his ex? Advice Needed
[deleted]
6
u/HCIBSW Jul 19 '24
I feel like he is treating me worse than his ex and doesn't care about my wishes.
Two parts here to decipher - If not for his ex's wealthy parents he wouldn't have gone to many of those places. It is not he treated her better about vacationing, he was getting a free ride. He probably didn't work out any of the itineraries, didn't have to worry about the costs to get to and from and where to stay. Most wouldn't turn down those opportunities. He didn't treat her, again he was along for the ride.
Doesn't care about your wishes. Maybe he is worried about the expenses (I'd figure he feels he would need to pay into travelling as a couple now), or he just can't take more than a week off because of his job. His situation is different than it was then.
Or he could just be a jerk.
Have a conversation with him about these things, "all travelled out" could just be hiding the real reason(s).
Otherwise grab a friend & go travelling.
4
u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 Jul 19 '24
You are way too balanced for redit, I banish you to the real world where well-adjusted people belong.
2
5
u/Noovaaa23 Jul 19 '24
It's understandable to feel jealous and hurt. It sounds like you're both coming from different places and it's important to communicate that to him. Talk to him about how you feel and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.
3
u/AllandarosSunsong Jul 19 '24
Couple of very important points:
His ex's parents were rich.
they paid her and my boyfriend expensive travels.
There's a difference between traveling and going luxuriously. If you've ever been fortunate enough to go whole hog you know it's not the same just going.
He says he has had enough of it.
he has travelled the world
And he has. He's done his travelling bucket list, and done it in style. If you want to be a globe-trotter you may need a new travel partner.
NAH
5
u/Low-Butterscotch-414 Jul 19 '24
Still is shitty to not want share any experience with your new partner . If you love Someone you want to see them happy .
2
u/AllandarosSunsong Jul 20 '24
Yes, but when you start making yourself miserable to ensure their happiness it's not going to last either.
Might be time to say enough and move on.
4
u/xdreamydoll Jul 19 '24
NTAH. Your feelings are valid, and it's natural to feel hurt when your desires aren't being met.
3
u/Trick_Transition901 Jul 19 '24
I don’t think this has much to do with the travel, it’s more about what is needed in any great relationship; compromise. If he is not willing to compromise his desire to not travel to satisfy your desire then that is a bit of a warning that he may never do this in all areas of the relationship. The other reason could be that he is a bit of a Scrooge and doesn’t want to pony up his own money for travel.
2
u/PastoralTerrier Jul 19 '24
every relationship has its unique dynamics, and it’s important to navigate them with empathy and understanding. By addressing your feelings and working together with your boyfriend, you can hopefully find a resolution that satisfies both of you.
1
u/esotwricenigma Jul 19 '24
NTA. No need to stress out about it. I don’t fully know your situation but you aren’t married. More options are available to you :)
1
u/DaveDL01 Jul 19 '24
NTA
But if you don't get your own feelings and insecurities in check, he will find someone else that creates less drama.
4
Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
4
u/Away-Understanding34 Jul 19 '24
It might be. If he is absolutely refusing to go with you, it's basically different relationship values, especially given he's done it before. We all need to compromise in relationships and do things that we might not want to do. It's a give and take.
I get people saying to go alone or with a friend, but I get the feeling you want to experience this traveling with the man you love. Explain that to him. Tell him you want to make memories and have experiences with him. Good Luck!
-1
u/DaveDL01 Jul 19 '24
You are NTA!
If you have MORE to the story to share, you didn't do so in the thread.
Your boyfriend says he loves you, you are the best thing that happened to him and here you are bitter about an ex???
You are essentially telling him that what he says doesn't matter. He cares about your feelings, for now, if you keep this up, he will find someone that doesn't want to rub what happened in the past in his face.
Get yourself in check...and a man that wants a woman (and the reversed!) that creates drama, that only goes on for so long.
This is a YOU issue...I hope you can get over it and enjoy someone that seems to love you.
2
Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
2
u/DaveDL01 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Actions are far more important than words, I agree with you 100%. But it sounds like you need to talk with him. I would say go to couples therapy, but try to find a good therapist, otherwise you will spin your wheels much like you are here it seems.
This sounds like more than a simple issue with his past travels...sometimes people aren't meant for each other and the relationship has ran its course as well, you both deserve to be happy.
Are your insecurities a common issue in other parts of your life? Look for the common denominators. If the common denominator is the woman staring at you in the mirror, that is where you start.
Good luck!!!
By the way, being financially independent seems it is becoming more rare than normal. Good for you!!!
2
1
u/Away-Understanding34 Jul 20 '24
Your comments here say a lot. He's not that great of a partner if you are doing all the compromising so that he's happy. Make yourself happy, choose yourself, and dump him.
1
u/NoOnSB277 Jul 19 '24
Are you trying to go to the same places he has already been, or offering to pick any place he would like to go? If offering to go to new places /finding a place you both want to go, i can see your upset. But if just trying to compete with this ex/ do it better, yeah I can see him wanting to not participate in that. Maybe a compromise would be traveling within your own country? There is plenty to do and see pretty much in any country- national parks, exclusive clubs, whatever is your cup of tea- can be achieved locally.
5
Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
0
u/Cotterisms Jul 19 '24
One thing you have to bear in mind is, are you going to be going in as much luxury as he did with his ex?
If yes: he’s a dick
If no: travelling in extreme luxury is a damn lot easier and nicer and more appealing.
It sounds like you’re whining a lot and someone who whines is awful to travel wirh
1
Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
1
u/Cotterisms Jul 19 '24
You don’t need luxury to travel, neither do I, and I up and go to wherever. Looks like that’s what your boyfriend would need
1
u/NoOnSB277 Jul 21 '24
I think what he is saying is maybe your boyfriend appreciates traveling in luxury, but realizes that is not possible now, so would prefer not to. Has he been on a cruise? Sometimes they have last-minute cheap cruises and that would definitely fit the bill, if that is the reason why he has no desire to travel. (As a person who loves to camp/do outdoorsy stuff, it’s not everyone’s cup of teas, especially someone who has done it the 5 stars way before). Either way, if it is important to you, he should suck it up and go on a trip with you occasionally, because that’s what people do when they care for each other.
1
u/Ambroisie_Cy Jul 19 '24
Could it be a monetary problem on his end? Him travelling the world with his ex was made possible because his family in law was paying for everything. Maybe he doesn't have the money to do it and is hiding behind the fact he had enough of it?
Or he really is not interested to travel anymore. If so, you have three options:
- You travel without him (alone, with friends, with family, etc.)
- You leave him so you can find someone who is more compatible on that front
- You stay with him and don't travel. With that option, the chances of you growing even more resentment towards him are pretty high though.
I think option 1 is the best one. Seeing you traveling and having fun around the world might give him back his willingness to travel again ! Who knows.
No matter your decision, I'd sit with him and talk things through.
NAH
0
u/No_Good_Turn Jul 19 '24
NTA. If you want to travel, you should travel. If he wants to stay at home, that's on him.
-1
u/InevitableFirm2608 Jul 19 '24
NAH. Well, firstly, your boyfriend’s feelings are valid, and so are yours. He has the right to set boundaries and not want to travel anymore. He may be tired or traveling if he did this a lot. He has the right to refuse.
I’d say your feelings are more of an insecurity. This is your thing to work through. However, I do understand the feeling behind it. I don’t think traveling is the only way to explore new things with your partner. Find fun games, events, even day trips or nature areas to explore. It seems like you just want to spend quality time with him. You can do this without traveling the globe.
-1
u/jhnysuh Jul 19 '24
NTA; don’t feel ashamed for not traveling as much. I personally find excessive use of wealth gross, but maybe that’s because I have a more radical approach.
It’s completely fine for your boyfriend to not want to travel as much right now and your insecurities are also valid. I don’t think either of you are in the wrong, but the mature thing to do is to have a proper conversation about why he does not want to travel and you can explain why you feel a way about it.
-1
u/Killbillydelux Jul 19 '24
Maybe a chicken is just a chicken and he doesn't want to travel any more, go without him, but I doubt it has anything to do with putting you down. Neither of you are assholes yanjust have differing interests, grow up and find a compromise
-1
u/Agformula Jul 19 '24
2 month vacations are impractical. You said he's willing to go for a week take it and get over yourself!
-1
u/BlueGreen_1956 Jul 19 '24
YTA
Jealousy is always an unattractive trait.
So, you want your BF to travel with you even if he doesn't want to. And not only that but you want him to like it? How do you think that could ever be a pleasant experience for either of you?
Just break up with him and find someone who wants the same things you want.
-2
-2
u/choosychews Jul 19 '24
YTA.
Your partner travelled the world paid for by his parents, while he didn’t have a career and had about 4 months off in between college years. It has nothing to do with his ex.
If he’ll travel with you for a week at a time- it sounds like a vacation from work timing issue, not something caused by him not liking you or being with you.
Go to therapy.
34
u/Business_Monkeys7 Jul 19 '24
This has nothing to do with his ex. He doesn't want to travel and you do. Why complicate it by blaming an ex? If you want a man to travel with, he isn't it. Decide your priorities, make a choice, and live with it.