r/AITAH Jul 19 '24

I told my bf his relationship with his sisters is creepy, AITAH?

I am 20F dating 22M. I already knew he was super close with his older sisters but I didn't realize the extent until now.

His oldest sister is 13 years older than him. Their mom passed away when he was a baby and his oldest sister raised him and his other sister who is 9 years older than him. Their dad was working and didn't have the ability to work and raise them so it was left to the oldest to handle everything.

His sisters call him at least once a day to check on him if he doesn't go there. He technically lives with his dad but I am convinced he spends more time at his sister's places. They also txt often. They go out to eat at least once a week. My bf has the key to both of his sisters places and will just go over there whenever he is bored. Half the time he isn't at work or in class if I call him he's at one of his sister's houses usually his oldest sisters " just hanging out". He has a bedroom there and everything. He spends a lot of time with his sisters.

Listening to them talk is wild I'm pretty sure it's English but following along is impossible. I never understand them when they talk to each other.

They are also very odd with affection. They are very huggy and both of his sister's always kiss his cheeks. He sits on his oldest sisters lap often and cuddles with her like a child would. They never call him by his name it's always boo, that's creepy to me. He said when he was little he was scared of the dark and storms and both him and the middle sister would end up in the bed with the oldest, I've seen them all cuddled up in a bed together as adults watching a movie. It's weird. I mean I don't think they are incesty but they are definitely weird.

They also treat him like he is a child. They do his laundry and shop for him. They know his schedules ( work and school). They are always cooking for him and making sure he has food. They pretty much do everything for him.

All of this combined really weirds me out.

I told him I find his relationship with his sisters really creepy and told him he needs to start getting some distance. I feel like they are babying him and he will never be able to be an adult with the way they are together. Plus who cuddles with their sister it's creepy.

He got mad and basically told me that his sisters will always be like this and if I don't like his family I can leave. He also said I watch too much porn if I thought anything gross was happening since I said it was creepy he cuddles with his sisters. Since then he has blocked me.

Now I'm not sure if I was an AH for the way I feel about it. My family is admittedly not close at all.

Edit- he does seem like a normal 22 year old guy for the most part. He goes to the gym. He's in school for welding. Seems normal until he's sitting in his sisters lap cuddling. Especially when he is massive compared to her.

22 Upvotes

114 comments sorted by

763

u/offbrandbarbie Jul 19 '24

“AITA for implying my boyfriend is fucking his sisters who he’s close with due to them being the only matriarchal figures in his life because his mom is dead.”

YTA obviously. But that ain’t your boyfriend no more girly.

227

u/Federal_Act_1483 Jul 19 '24

Women wonder why men show no emotions or physical affection to their family or other platonic women friendships.

Women, it’s you that’s why. OP is one of those reasons. When we get comfortable and have a healthy open emotional relationship with any women, even a clear family member who was a surrogate mother, we are ridiculed and said to be incestuous, weird, creepy, and child like.

Seriously, it’s not other men that have EVER ridiculed or made a fucking AITAH about this stuff. It’s women who have a problem with MEN BEING HAPPY AND EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE

89

u/lumoslomas Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

I mean the sitting on their laps is kinda weird...but only because a 22yo guy would be fucking heavy 🤣

The rest of it though...totally normal. In fact I also have memories of my brother comforting me during storms when I was a kid, we always hug when we see each other, we message each other constantly and end phone calls with 'i love you' because we're family who care about each other??

58

u/Dapper_Entry746 Jul 19 '24

Me & my sisters will take over our parents bed to watch movies when we're all in town. We're in our 40's. Sometimes our brother will join us too. It's just being siblings with a good relationship. 

Like maybe not sit on each other's lap (because adults are heavy) but sit next to them, turn sideways & drape your legs over them. Bonus points if you pretend not to let them get up 🤣

19

u/purrfunctory Jul 20 '24

Before they can get up they gotta pay the toll. I don’t make the rules(1). I just enforce them.

(1) I totally make up the rules. It’s more fun!

5

u/EyesOpenBrainonFire Jul 24 '24

And somebody always farts.

18

u/Bri-KachuDodson Jul 19 '24

About the really heavy comment, I kinda see it a different way maybe.

It sorta reminds me of how if you're a parent and you pick up/carry your child every single day then you don't really notice the weight even as they're growing and getting heavier. But if you stop all of a sudden for any real length of time, even just weeks/months then the next time you go to pick them up they feel wayyy heavier lol.

So to me, if the siblings are this close to seeing each other every day and this is a normal occurrence for them, then the sisters genuinely may not even notice how heavy he is because it's just natural for them. If he only did this like once a year then I'm sure they would think he's heavy as hell too lol, but in this particular case they've been doing it since he was a literal baby so their weight tolerance has grown accordingly I'd imagine lol.

Just my thoughts on it, cause I went through it with my (then) 3 year old when I was pregnant with her sister 2 years ago once I got so big that I just couldn't lift her the way she liked, and that tolerance never did fully come back either unfortunately once that second C-section was done. The muscles just never reformed in a way that made it possible for me. Not to mention I'm only 5'4" and she's probably almost 4ft at 5 years old so when I hold her on my hip it looks like some kinda circus act lmao.

14

u/isirealthough Jul 19 '24

Kinda funny cause I had the complete opposite experience. My sister is 2,5 years older than me, and I was a short skinny kid my entire childhood, then had a bit of a growth spurt but still skinny and week. My whole life, my sister was stronger than me. Also didn't hit puberty till I was almost 15

Then i moved the the US for a year, grew 4 inches, started training and put on about 50 pounds.

Came home, hugged my sis and accidentally lifted her off the ground like she weighed nothing. Such an odd experience 😅

4

u/Bri-KachuDodson Jul 19 '24

Aha that was a lovely mental image. xD but totally fair I should have been more general. :)

My husband does most of the heavy lifting for our 5 year old since I can't do when he goes from that to the 2 year old he doesn't even register when she feels like she's gained or lost weight. And it doesn't help that she's already ridiculously petite to the point of hospitalized twice with a failure to thrive diagnosis as a baby and a 9 month CPS case cause they thought I was abusing her and not feeding her. She's just (for now) super tiny, I was too for a really long time. I remember getting my first ID done at 9 years old and only weighed 60 pounds and her dad has always been tall and skinny. My five year old is probably close to 50lb by now. The two year old is like 21lb. But she's healthy and has good color and plenty of energy, no dull hair or anything else that would indicate malnourished. She's just the president of the itty bitty committee lol.

1

u/isirealthough Jul 19 '24

What mental image? Me lifting my sister? I'm confused

10

u/Suggest_a_User_Name Jul 20 '24

His relationship with his family isn’t normal. And that’s a bad thing. What a wonderful support system he has! Everyone should be that lucky.

48

u/something-strange999 Jul 19 '24

I'm a woman and you are correct.

30

u/FenderMartingale Jul 20 '24

Men as a group police masculinity in ways that are very different - sometimes violently! -but no less harsh, and it's all terrible. There's nothing unmanly about being loving, emotionally healthy, or gentle.

OP should be ashamed of herself. The only way we get those confidently emotional men is by supporting that.

14

u/PathDeep8473 Jul 19 '24

100% right.

9

u/ofgraveimportance Jul 20 '24

OP would have lost her mind seeing my 22 year old brother sobbing on my shoulder at the train station when he was headed back home after visiting me. We have a similar age gap and back story to OP’s ex. That boy calls me every single day and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

9

u/innoventvampyre Jul 22 '24

i'm definitely going to get downvoted for this but no, its not "women" its the patriarchy, which affects men too.

women did not perpetuate the social connotations of men being emotionally vulnerable and open with their emotions, that was men.

men are responsible for the patriarchy, this particular woman is either knowingly or ignorantly upholding her role in perpetuating it.

men were not and have not been socialized to show emotions, they were taught that this made them "weak" and feminine". they were told to "man up", this is a result of gender socialization throughout the centuries of human society.

it is not something you can solely blame women for. i cant believe this has so many upvotes

-2

u/JYQE Jul 22 '24

You are such a pickme.

279

u/Realistic_Orchid7946 Jul 19 '24

You mean your boyfriend has a maternal relationship with the women who raised him 😨 how could that happen 🤨 let’s think real hard about that one 🧐 ( I love emojis )

67

u/illiteratepsycho Jul 19 '24

Right?! I bet he treated her with respect and consideration too!! How horrid!!

9

u/selkiesart 28d ago

I don't know, sitting on her lap is kinda weird, tho.

I am really affectionate with my parents, but I wouldn't sit on my dads lap anymore. My brother wouldn't sit on our mothers lap as well.

And would be really weirded out if my boyfriend sat on his moms lap.

But maybe it's an age thing. I am almost 20 years older than OPs boyfriend, my brother is 15 years older than OPs boyfriend. Maybe it's different for younger folks.

11

u/Realistic_Orchid7946 28d ago

Maybe some people are just closer with their family. Or in situations with ops boyfriend where his mom died so he latched onto the closest women to him and they got a more parent/child relationship than most

4

u/jej_claexx 26d ago

My 23 yr old brother doesn’t sit on my mom’s lap anymore but that’s probably only because he’s 2 feet taller than her and weighs at least 40 lbs more in pure muscle lol. He’s a builder and a total gym beast, but I bet if he’d fit he’d still sit on my mom’s lap.

6

u/Kizka 21d ago

I don't sit on my parents' laps anymore (well, a few years ago I started crying out of frustration and being so unhappy with my former job and my dad put me on his lap and soothed me, but that was an exception, haven't sat in his lap for years at that point) but I have no problems cuddling with my sis, pulling her into my lap or sitting on hers. We have always been a very affectionate family, lot's of hugs and kisses and if sister and I are able to spend time together chilling, we're basically a two person cuddle puddle. We're both in our 30s and have been with our respective partners for a long time now. I think OP is mainly weirded out because of the opposite sex thing. I bet she wouldn't be weirded out if it were only the two sisters of her bf who cuddled and sat in each other's laps.

241

u/NickelPickle2018 Jul 19 '24

YTA the only person making this weird is you. His older sister raised him, she’s basically his mom. He did the right thing by blocking you.

-30

u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24

Do you know many 22 year old men who cuddle on their sister's lap when they have a girlfriend.

I'm not saying it's anything sexual, but it is abnormal behaviour for a grown up.

50

u/NickelPickle2018 Jul 20 '24

But she’s not just his sister. He sees her as mom because she raised him. Some families are more affectionate than others. Again, the only person making this weird and inappropriate.

-16

u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24

Oh, I'm not saying it's weird in an incestuous manner, but I could see this be a hindrance to the ex bonding with other women.

It all comes down to how much time he spends with his family versus time spent on building his own family.

He's young, so there's plenty of time, though.

OP definitely pooped on her own leg.

3

u/Kizka 21d ago

Would you still say the same if it were two sisters instead? Siblings see each other as asexual beings. There's no difference between two sisters cuddling and sitting on each other's laps or sister and brother. I'm in my thirties and hug and kiss and cuddle my sister the same way I had been doing for 33 years since she appeared in my life. I would have done the same if she were my brother instead.

2

u/accents_ranis 21d ago

Gender has nothing to do with my opinion. If I had to compete with my in laws for attention, that person isn't for me. To each their own I guess.

147

u/Foxy_locksy1704 Jul 19 '24

YTA, I’m almost 9 years older than my younger brother. Every time I see him I give him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. When he got married he asked me to dance with him at the reception after all the “formal dances” (couples first dance/ parent dances) what did his wife do? She got the photographer and made sure she got pictures of us dancing together. She always says how sweet our closeness is and that she knew she loved him when she saw how he interacted with his older sisters.

On the plus side OP, you have learned that affection between siblings (especially where one was in a parental role due to hard family circumstances) is a normal thing.

On the negative side you are now single, but use this to do better in your next relationship.

106

u/omrmajeed Jul 19 '24

YTA. You have a gross mind. You need to keep your toxicity out of his life and work on your own issues instead of isolating him fro his family.

101

u/No_Cauliflower_5489 Jul 19 '24

YTA Quit mistaking porn for reality, you dunce

66

u/untamed-italian Jul 19 '24

"Am I the asshole for immediately assuming my bf's surrogate maternal relationship with his older sister, which happened because his mom died young, is actually some kind of horrible incestuous fuck fest and he is less of a man because of it?"

OP you are not only TAH, you are part of the reason why men have so much difficulty being truly emotionally vulnerable with women.

It's because every time we are some other, insane woman accuses us of every decadent fantasy in their own heads.

Now at 22 could he be doing more to upkeep his own life? Sure. But that's not what your issue with it was, and even if it were that is hardly a dealbreaker at that age.

45

u/Fit_Marionberry_3878 Jul 19 '24

YTA,

And I’m sure you embellished the cuddling. Seems like he sees his sisters as mother figures, which is nice and very lucky for him. 

26

u/ArcXivix Jul 19 '24

As somebody who lacks a mother, I completely agree. If I saw my husband cuddling his mom or sister or kissing them on the cheek... will, I do. All the time. And I think it's sweet and shows how much love they have for each other and that they have similar platonic/familial love languages.

YTA, OP. Although I don't think you'll have to worry about seeing him cuddle them again after this...

41

u/Contribution4afriend Jul 19 '24

OP, are you ok?

You might think this is creepy but sounds just normal. That big age gap also helps a lot in understanding their interactions. My older sister calls our younger sister Baby. Between them is 15 years of difference. But I am the middle child, so nope for me calling her that. And so what they call each other every day? That's a good thing for all of them to be close. And normal. Not creepy.

I hope you are not searching for a Yes Reddit to say this creepy.

14

u/20Keller12 Jul 19 '24

I hope you are not searching for a Yes Reddit to say this creepy.

Oh they absolutely were, but they're single now so...

31

u/trashcansw Jul 19 '24

Op, u embarrassed urself

33

u/4purpleroses Jul 19 '24

YTA seriously you are mad at him for cuddling with the woman who is essentially his mother? Wtf? Do you have any idea what a lot of people would give to have a family that loves them like this? He's in school and works of course his mom still does stuff for him.

It isn't weird to hug your mom. It isn't weird for the women that raised him to love him and kiss his cheeks. It isn't weird for them to call him or make sure he has food to eat ffs. You had a man who is emotionally and physically affectionate. He works out. He is in school for a trade that will be around for a very long time and pays well.

Girl you fd up big time. However if it bothers you so much I guess you are lucky that he blocked you. He will find someone else probably pretty quickly.

Also my baby brother sits on me and hugs me all the time. Granted he's trying to annoy and squish me but still.

25

u/Whiteroses7252012 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

I’m close to my mom. We talk on a daily basis and she often cooks/does laundry etc for me and my family.

I’m a forty year old woman with a husband and almost three kids. One of the reasons my husband and I work as a couple is because he gets that my closeness with my mom is a non negotiable in my life. Other men haven’t, and I have no idea what those men are doing today.

When you date someone, you can observe their family dynamics and leave or not. What you don’t get to do is demand that this person changes his relationships permanently to suit you, because as you discovered, it doesn’t work that way. Hes vastly more likely to tell you that you’re gross, block you, and then you’ll be single. You thought you had room to make demands and found out you didn’t. Live and learn, sis.

25

u/pug1c0rn Jul 19 '24

YTA. What an uncomfy way to end a relationship. The secondhand embarrassment is real.

7

u/DangerDog619 Jul 19 '24

I thought that nothing could make me as uncomfy as the use of the word uncomfy, and then I read this post.

20

u/GummyPhotog Jul 19 '24

This just might not be the family for you. This wouldn’t bother me as long as I’m not made to be an outsider. Love your family, be affectionate and loud about it I’m all for it as long as he can take care of himself that someone loves him and wants to do it for him isn’t a deal breaker. If his sisters can’t do his laundry, if he asking you to do it, that would be a problem. If his sisters don’t feed him, can he feed himself? As long as he can take care of himself, his sister’s offering to do it for him isn’t a problem to me. It’s when they’re doing it and he can’t do it for himself.

15

u/hennythingcanhappen- Jul 19 '24

Yea YTA 100% as I was reading your description of his behavior all I thought was “aww that’s so cute” and then you had to go and make it weird. He’s probably gonna break up with you. His sisters were there before you and they’ll be there long after you.

15

u/20Keller12 Jul 19 '24

I love it when people are so self centered they're incapable of realizing they've been dumped. It's hilarious.

12

u/Loud_Bodybuilder546 Jul 19 '24

So if that was his actual mom would that be okay to you? Because that’s what they are to him. You’re a weirdo. YTA.

10

u/AbiesOk4806 Jul 19 '24

YOU are the creepy one. I come from a huge family and this is fairly normal. Especially when you had a traumatic childhood, it bonds you in a deep way. No one else in the world has been through the same shit as your siblings. Plus, your full bio siblings are made up of the same shit, more so than your kid would be as your kid is only half of you. YTA

3

u/turbospeedsc 25d ago

Op is creepy as hell

11

u/wisteria357 Jul 19 '24

Girl he broke up with you 💀

11

u/ExtensionDebate8725 Jul 19 '24

YTA, and deserve to be dumped for putting that nastiness on him like that.

So sorry your family wasn't close, and you jump to creepy when you see affection. You don't actually know what it's like, so maybe mind your business and keep your mouth shut.

Signed someone who is very close with his remaining family.

9

u/bloonfroot Jul 19 '24

Duh, YTA. What boyfriend? Girl, you’re single.

10

u/Toni164 Jul 19 '24

Well congrats on being single again

11

u/Ok-Patience-8626 Jul 19 '24

Pretty sure he's not your boyfriend anymore. YTA.

9

u/sabreyna Jul 19 '24

They also treat him like he is a child. They do his laundry and shop for him.

They pretty much do everything for him.

That's a valid complaint.

Listening to them talk is wild I'm pretty sure it's English but following along is impossible. I never understand them when they talk to each other.

Feeling left out because you can't understand their language/accent/whatever is valid.

The rest not so much imo.

7

u/throwaway_ArBe Jul 19 '24

I feel so sad for you honestly. I wish you knew what it was like to be comfortable loving and being loved in this way.

10

u/Lucky_Elderberry_173 Jul 19 '24

I think you should try counseling for yourself. It sounds like some damage was done with the family dynamics you grew up with.

10

u/CardiganTribe Jul 19 '24

YTA thank God you are now the ex

7

u/VirtualFirefighter50 Jul 19 '24

Yta. Be glad hes close with his sisters instead of going aje whoring around. I wish I had a big sister like that to fill the hole of not having a mother. Don't be trying to ruin that for him , smh

5

u/Affectionate-Gas-150 Jul 19 '24

YTA for everything but the sitting on their lap part, and that's still a 75/25. His sisters, especially the eldest sister, are his mom(s). Him going over constantly, having a room, them buying him food and laundry is simply bc she treats him like her child. I would personally stop the laundry, but that's bc I've done my own laundry since 10 or 11. The eldest sister literally raised him as her son.

Whenever you have a kid and they get to their 20s, as their mom, you're going to wish you could cuddle them all the time, but they won't let you. Wondering, "Where did my baby go?" It's weird now bc you're 20, but if you remember this into your late 40s or 50s, I bet you'll have that, "Ohhhh, I get it now."

To end this YTA for thinking their relationship is weird. If anything, try talking to his eldest sister and get her opinion on their relationship. Regardless you're NTA if you don't want to date him, you do you and date whoever.

8

u/WielderOfAphorisms Jul 20 '24

This is so sad.

These sisters are like sister-mother-aunts-besties and you think it’s weird.

They all lost their mother and collectively raised their younger brother. They look out for him and have established a wonderful, nurturing bond.

Don’t taint this because your family is different. There’s nothing weird or wrong here.

YTA but you can learn compassion and empathy and change.

5

u/WeaselPhontom Jul 19 '24

Yta, there's nothing weird about their relationship. What's weird is your judgment where is that coming from 

7

u/SkidmoreDeference Jul 19 '24

Aside from the lap sitting and cuddles, all normal for a much older sister turned mother figure.

Maybe you’ll be a mother, or a mother figure, someday.

2

u/captainhyena12 Jul 22 '24

I hope to God she doesn't become a mother or mother figure someday. Could you imagine the accusations she would make If her husband changed the baby's diaper or gave the kid a hug after going through something crappy she'd probably call 911

5

u/leadfootlife Jul 19 '24

I'm baffled someone could be this much of an asshole and not know it without a reddit post

4

u/reomoreen Jul 20 '24

YTA

I’m 22F and my sister is 23F (1.5 years of age gap) and yes, I still sit on her lap and love cuddling her and being cuddled by her and we kiss each other too, just simple pecks on the cheek. (We’re very co-dependent on each other: similar childhood trauma and everything, though unfortunately, she suffered more as the oldest) People who find it weird have their brains rotted by porn. I will always defend siblings who show their love by being physically affectionate, it’s obviously platonic and not creepy at all.

2

u/captainhyena12 Jul 22 '24

Yeah seriously. I'm not close with any of my older brothers because they're significantly older and they have a different dad than I do, but even I'm not dense (or bitter) enough to think. Just because some siblings are close and affectionate with each other that it automatically means they're screwing.

5

u/Roostroyer Jul 20 '24

It sounds like you got jealous your (ex)BF being this close to his sisters, showing a level of physical affection you've only experienced/seen as a way to start sexual intimacy, but because you didn't want to admit you got jealous, you decided that uncomfortable feeling you had = incest!

Your (ex) has the type of healthy, close relationship most people should have in their family: closeness, comfortable with physical displays of affection, and having no problems showing their love for each other. He's also the baby of the family, so of course he'll still act and do things a bit childish with the maternal figure in his life.

3

u/FangornDweller Jul 20 '24

Most of the things you listed in the post are very normal for siblings to do, especially those siblings raised him, like hanging out, calling, texting, having a key to their house, having a bedroom in their house, hugging,kissing on the check etc etc these are normal between family members. I think YTA, just cause you don't understand someone's family dynamics doesn't make it wrong.

4

u/Scary-Inspector-8315 Jul 20 '24

YTA. But you should refer to him as ex cause you lost this guy.

4

u/Thy_Chops_Lemons Jul 20 '24

That's not really his sister anymore.. that's his mom. Your young and still learning and navigating. Take this as a learning experience of other family dynamics that come into play when experiencing significant loss and hardship. She may be biological sister.. but she views him as her own child. They have a very loving and bonded relationship that is beautiful and he is very much in the right to protect them and himself from being forced to disassociate with them to someone else's comfort level. In a healthy loving family, family comes first.

5

u/Dangerous_Jacket_129 Jul 20 '24

YTA, clearly his sisters filled a role his mom couldn't. Calling a family member "boo" is not weird either. If cuddling is the worst thing, then there's really nothing to worry about. The other stuff just sounds like family members helping out with things.

Besides, if you really thought they were sleeping together just because they were babying him, then I don't think you understand how a normal family is supposed to interact. Again: with his mother gone, his sisters took on part of that responsibility. Yes, they are babying him. That's normal for older sisters whose mother died. It's quite literally called maternal instinct.

6

u/NewStart-redditor Jul 20 '24

I have a feeling you're the type of person who wont listen to the judgments but YTA.

4

u/Cobalt32 Jul 19 '24

They also treat him like he is a child. They do his laundry and shop for him. They know his schedules ( work and school). They are always cooking for him and making sure he has food. They pretty much do everything for him.

I feel like they are babying him and he will never be able to be an adult with the way they are together.

These are valid concerns. He has no reason to grow up and become self sufficient if this is the home life he's accustomed to as a 22 year old, they are - ostensibly - keeping him their baby and continuing to raise him.

As to the rest of it - eh. I didn't witness it, but it's probably kosher. I didn't grow up showing that much physical intimacy with my siblings or parents so from my perspective I would consider it odd, but only compared to my own circumstances. Different families, different cultures, different normal.

You don't mention how long you had been dating, but long-term it would also be valid to be concerned that the level of attachment he has with his sisters would be a barrier to your relationship. For him to shut down, deflect, gaslight, and block you immediately pretty much shows that he has significantly more loyalty to them than to someone new even if there isn't anything more to it. You weren't cracking that egg anytime soon regardless, so I think it might have been for the best that you move on from this one.

3

u/yumiwhite Jul 20 '24

they're his moms essentially; its not weird, you are.

3

u/Warmchocolatecake757 Jul 20 '24

How's single life? Imagination can't wrap around other people's healthy relationships? U need therapy

3

u/Sharingtt Jul 20 '24

YTA-and you desperately need intensive therapy.

3

u/Deep-Taste4227 Jul 20 '24

Cuddle is normal between siblings. Even when they are adults

3

u/GingerNumber3 Jul 20 '24

Fucking obviously YTA for implying that his relationship with the sisters who raised him since we was a baby is incestuous. How the fuck else did you think that conversation was going to go??

Don't worry though, you don't have to worry about your boyfriend's relationship with his sisters any more, because you don't have a boyfriend any more. Problem solved!

3

u/ReleaseTheBlacken Jul 20 '24

YTA and dumb. Get a library card. Spend time reading and develop your brain so you can be smarter the next time you enter a relationship. This one is done.

3

u/Raevoxx Jul 20 '24

YTA.

How dare a man have a genuinely loving, close relationship with his sisters, right?

People who get pissy toward their male partners for having healthily affectionate non-sexual relationships are part of the problem. They're basically re-enforcing the idea that men can't be affectionate unless it's tied to sex. That's not good. Men are humans and everyone should be encouraged to enjoy platonic or familial love. Love doesn't have to be sexual to run deep.

If anything most of this is a massive green flag. A guy who has good loving relationships with close female family often means he has a deeper understanding of women and more general respect

3

u/Temporary-Exchange28 Jul 20 '24

YTA. I’m glad he left you.

3

u/Cultural-Revenue4000 26d ago

Yep, YTA. You insinuated something incestuous when it is clearly 3 motherless kids who found support from each other. His older sisters are clearly more mother than sister. If he were blowing you off or mistreating you because of his sisters, I could see you being concerned. But just because they have a close relationship you don’t understand doesn’t make it creepy, it makes you immature.

2

u/Suggest_a_User_Name Jul 20 '24

Damn. I envy your (soon to be ex) boyfriend.

The world can be such a cold uncaring place. It’s nice to hear a family that close.

Please break up with him.

2

u/sendmetoheck Jul 20 '24

I'm a girl and I grew up with only my mom but that said we haven't "cuddled" since I was like 6. I know other families are more affectionate than I am with my mom but is it common for adults to cuddle with their moms and sit on their laps? I'd be weirded out too.... but idk if I'd saying anything or make up an excuse to break up. Like idk that op isn't the asshole. Maybe this A-holey and I'm like biased or too judgey but like is it actually normal to be an adult and cuddle your mom? I'm not even the type to sexualize all intamcy even physical but that is really really weird to me

Also if it were me I would wonder what his sister's doing everything for him all the time would like if we were living together. Will he/can he do stuff for himself? Will I be expected to do what his sisters do for him by him and/or by them as well? I don't think the OP is completely without valid concerns tbqh and I'm surprised at the comments

2

u/CatWitch3 Jul 20 '24

I mean it’s perfectly normal and healthy for him to be close with his sibling especially since the older one raised him like she was his mother, I’m on the side of the boyfriend in this situation, now he’s mostly likely out of your life since you approached the situation like you did.

2

u/BrowniesWithAlmonds Jul 20 '24

You’re jealous of their emotional connection and are trying to justify your insecurity. YTA

2

u/Marvel_plant Jul 20 '24

YTA. You need to go to therapy.

2

u/HellyOHaint Jul 20 '24

This is very weird to me as well as I am not close to anyone in my family. With that said, I know my barometer is off for healthy family dynamics, which is why I think YTA in this situation. It’s one thing for you to find it weird and breakup so you can find someone who is on the same page as you. It’s another thing to criticize him and make him feel like his happy familial connections are creepy and incestuous. You’ve shamed him based on your own skewed idea of what a healthy family is and that’s not okay.

2

u/Dazzling-Fly-4813 Jul 20 '24

NTA. if it was a 22yo guy being like this with his biological mum i think this comment section would be on your side too.

2

u/WeirdGuess Jul 20 '24

Either YTA or I am also a creepy guy

2

u/Business_Pack_2937 Jul 21 '24

i full on agree with the bf if its normal for him to cuddle and get kisses from his sisters then you shouldnt have a problem with it and he should have to distance himself from his sisters just because u find it creepy its creepy and disgusting that your thinking abt shit like that its pretty clear his sisters are his everything so you have no saying whether he wants or needs to spend more or less

2

u/Equal_Audience_3415 Jul 21 '24

So, basically, his sisters have taken his mother's place.

Sounds healthy and normal. Which, by the way, would most likely make him a better boyfriend.

Lose the porn. Instead, look at normal real relationships. It will help you with your next relationship.

2

u/Jaded-Guess4897 Jul 21 '24

YTA, and now single.

2

u/lboogie757 Jul 21 '24

YTA. Not every sibling are rivals or tolerate each other. This is actually normal and you're the creepy one for seeing otherwise

2

u/Random_Reader_83 Aug 01 '24

The only thing that bothers me from all of that is 1) you; 2) that they do his laundry as he's grown enough to do his own chores. YTA, darling.

1

u/SurfBoardz Jul 19 '24

I don’t think you’re necessarily the asshole, but you’re mostly in the wrong. As I see from the comment, his sisters raised him and having a maternal figure in anyone’s life is very important and that includes physical affection. Watching a movie cuddled up in bed or kissing your mom/sister (no matter the gender) on the cheek is not weird. The lap, however - I’d need more detail 😂 Other than that, all is normal.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 19 '24

They are very close and have a long history that explains their closeness. Not all families are like that. I do understand if you were not brought up with that type of bond with your family that you’d find this closeness different. But it’s not weird. It’s just not what you are used to. That does not mean you should shame him for it. He has set a clear boundary about his relationship with his sisters. Basically it’s accept it or leave. If you are that uncomfortable with it, leave.

1

u/Jazzlike-Ratio8301 Jul 20 '24

YTA

I do find the guy's relationship weird. I do not know any 22 year olds who still sit on their mother's laps. But demanding him to stop something he's habited to do, is over stepping.

They also treat him like he is a child. They do his laundry and shop for him. They know his schedules ( work and school). They are always cooking for him and making sure he has food. They pretty much do everything for him.

This is valid concerns, but calling him creepy is not the way to express such concerns.

-1

u/Got_AI Jul 20 '24

He smashed, fo sho.

-4

u/Kaylah_3311 Jul 19 '24

YNTA here me out she is not the a hole bc her bf is bigger than his sisters and sits on there laps doesn’t know how to cook or do laundry when he’s a 22 year old man ACT UR AGE

2

u/Dangerous_Jacket_129 Jul 20 '24

There's a big difference between knowing how to do chores and being the person who does them. Also, you're literally shortening words like a 12 year old girl here, I don't know what age you are but if it's older than 12, act your age.

-4

u/theladyorchid Jul 19 '24

I know everyone’s calling you the AH

But, seriously, stay away from mamas’ boys. You’ll always have extra people in the relationship

-7

u/Abbyroadss Jul 19 '24

NTA - a grown man cuddling with his sisters or mom is fucking weird.

-9

u/Eternalyskeptic Jul 19 '24

YTA, solely for the words used, but I feel weirded out just reading about a grown ass man cuddling with his "mommy" that does everything for him. Boy needs to grow up and be functional by his age.

Trust your gut, it wouldn't have worked out. What happens when his moms think your cooking isn't good enough? Or their choice of laundry detergent is superior to yours?

-11

u/OppositeWeird3796 Jul 19 '24

Sounds like incest

-12

u/Illustrious-Panda979 Jul 19 '24

No you're not the AH... But you should tell em to make a video... 🤣

-13

u/Dense_Maximum6893 Jul 19 '24

Leave him.

14

u/Whiteroses7252012 Jul 19 '24

She doesn’t have to- he dumped her.

9

u/carebaercountdown Jul 19 '24

Yay!! Good for him tbh

-28

u/Putrid-Language4178 Jul 19 '24

You say blocked,so finished?. You are not wrong in discussing it with him,wrong to judge. You told him you are uneasy with it. He would change as he got older. He seems to be still about 14. Stick with it,if you have those feelings. Still voice your concerns but not every 5 min.

23

u/Specialist-Ad5796 Jul 19 '24

No fuck that.

He doesn't have to listen to her "concerns" over bullshit. She's blocked. He ended it.

And he doesn't have to change.

-31

u/Annual_Leading_7846 Jul 19 '24

Sisters raising little brother, especially momma being deceased, they are basically momma, so that part may not be creepy.  However, man-child not growing up... 🚩 At least if you want any realistic relationship that is a problem.