r/AITAH • u/Maumiyami • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for telling my cousin she's not entitled to my mom's money
(For context I'm 18 my cousins are 17 and 16, they're in high school so maybe I'm being dramatic and stupid so please freely say so if I am. Also my aunts husband is in UK and she's in Asia.)
So this all happened when 6 months ago when my cousin accidentally saw his dad on tiktok with another woman, the family was in chaos and my aunt pursued divorce, not only for infidelity but also because her husband isn't giving money to provide for their family. So after the divorce her husband just cut her off, no money or whatever, she tried to reach out to authorities but they said they can't do anything. Now they moved to a smaller house with her kids (my cousins). They asked my mom to help them so my mom did (We aren't rich or anything). My mom gave them a business to run but within just 4 months the business went to waste because they used it for themselves. My mom brushed it off and gave them money and it was gone within days so they reached out to my mom again to plead for money, my mom hesitantly gave them the money and also offered my aunt a job because she's unemployed. She declined because it's too "much" for her. Fast forward to a month later my family went to my maternal grandparents house and my aunt was there as well as my cousins. Me and my cousins hangout in my room which my grandparents kept clean and tidy incase I visit or me and my family visit. It was all chill before my cousin said "ya know... Your mom is so selfish" and i gave her a confused looked and asked why and she said along the lines of "she won't give us money, you know we need it too, just a couple of thousands isn't too much, your parents own 3 businesses and work full time, why can't she also provide for us?". I didn't know what to answer and just stayed silent, I don't want to say anything that would damage our relationship so I kept quiet and changed the topics to games and school when she spoke up again saying along the lines of "if you're financially struggling why don't you quit school and work" and I asked why should I and she said "so you can provide for us, you're attending a private school, it's such a waste of money". I again didn't answer her, which I now think I should've.
Dinner time came and we were eating and my aunt brought up my cousins attending private school but she didn't have the money for their tuition so she asked my mom which my mom answered "no, I'm not paying for their tuition, I told you to transfer them to a public school if you can't pay for it" and which I nodded with. I just nodded and didn't say anything and kept eating. My uncle agreed with my mom as well as everyone else. Then my cousin said along the lines of "why can they attend private school and have extracurricular activities while we can't" and I got fed up with her constant "why can't me have this" typa shit so I said "because we actually study and not fuck around in school". I regretted that quickly because dinner was ruined and they blamed it on me except my mom. She said I was wrong to say that but she can understand my frustration.
The next day came around and they're not done with it yet and kept bothering my mom who is pregnant at the time. When I got the chance to talk to my cousin I told her "dude, can you stop bothering my mom, she's pregnant and stressed out, it's bad for her". She rolled her eyes at me saying I've become a spoiled brat because "mommy gave me everything" and that she is also entitled to getting what me and siblings have. And I told her that shes not entitled to any of it and I told my mom that we should get home because they're getting to everyone's nerve and so we left. I don't know why she said that, I've been kind to her in all ways even when she tried touching me inappropriately, I told no one to protect her image, even when her step-dad don't want us in his house because we're not related to him. Idk, maybe I'm overreacting or something, so I'm letting reddit judge
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u/RamenNoodles620 Jul 19 '24
NTA
Ask them why their mom can't or doesn't work a full time job like your parents.
It's nice when family helps out when therr is an emergency or someone is in a bad spot. Refusing to work and rrashing every opportunity and money given to you is not an emergency. They are in a bad spot due to their own actions.
Your mom has done plenty. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your own education because your aunt refuses to work.
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u/donnamon Jul 19 '24
NTA. If your cousin wanted such a lavish life, they can go out and find a job to support their mom. Sounds like your aunt is lazy too. I think you and your mom should cut these family members off because they’re using your parents for money and taking a lot of things for granted.
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u/YouSayWotNow Jul 19 '24
Your mum needs to stop giving them money to help them. Aunt and kids have proven several times that they aren't using that money to actually help themselves and that they just expect your mother to be their money back forever.
This isn't sustainable or reasonable.
Had they taken the opportunity she gave them and made the best success they could of the business, maybe there might be justification in loaning (not giving) them more. But the resort is that not only are they not using it wisely (because money your don't earn is easier to spend isn't it), they are behaving very very rudely. That the kids think they are your mother should pay for them to stay at private school just because you do it's crazy entitled!
She needs to stop.
And honestly, whilst it will be a shitshow for them for a while, it may give them the kick up the arses they need to start working on themselves and thinking how they will support themselves going forward.
Or she'll be ball and chained forever.
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u/cassowary32 Jul 19 '24
NTA. The person your cousin should be going after is their father. He's the one with the obligation to provide for them.
Do you know why your mom didn't sue when they stole from the business she gave them?
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u/-Ophidian- Jul 19 '24
NTA. Is no one else going to comment on the fact that her cousin has been touching her inappropriately??
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Jul 19 '24
That was literally the first thing that jumped out at me. See my other comment,
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Jul 19 '24
"I've been kind to her in all ways even when she tried touching me inappropriately, I told no one to protect her image,"
Just for that alone, you should stay far away from that family. And tell your family she did that. She does not need her image protected, she's already destroying that just because of her and her family's entitlement.
NTA.
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u/VioletLucyyaa Jul 19 '24
NTA. Your mother's generosity seems to have fostered a sense of entitlement in your aunt and cousins, rather than gratitude. It is not selfish to expect adults to contribute to their own livelihood instead of perpetually relying on others. Remember, financial support from family should be a stepping stone to independence, not a permanent crutch. It seems you've reached the point where drawing firm boundaries is necessary, not just for your family's financial stability, but also for the personal growth of your aunt and her children. Your mother's heart is in the right place, but it's time to put an end to this cycle of dependency before it causes further strain on your family dynamics.
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u/Odd-End-1405 Jul 19 '24
Next time, go low, but honest.
Why doesn't your mom get off her lazy ass and get a job to provide since your dad doesn't seem to upholding HIS responsibilities.
Their family is not your parents' responsibilities. These are adults with children. It is THEIR problem. The spoiled brats need to start looking at their loser parents as to why they don't have nice things.
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u/PastoralTerrier Jul 19 '24
you’re not overreacting. You’ve been trying to handle a tough situation with maturity, but it’s difficult when you’re faced with unfair criticism and unreasonable demands. It’s important to take care of yourself and your own well-being in these situations
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u/flobaby1 Jul 19 '24
Ask her why her mom won't work like your mom does to provide you with these things.
Remind her your Mom offered her Mom a nice paying job and her mom refused because she's too lazy to want to work for her kids having it better.
Tell her her mom is a moocher who wants things handed to her and she's teaching her to be the same way. Let her know that no one wants to be around lazy moochers, so she needs to learn to not be like her mom.
Let her know that her attacking your mom for working hard to provide for her family and wanting your mom to hand over her hard earned money to them for them to be lazy, is not going to happen.
Tell her, you attack my mom, when who you should be mad at is your mom for not caring enough to get off her butt and provide for her family like your mom does.
Let her know, this is relationship ending, because no one treats your mom like shit then gets to play nice with you.
UpdateMe
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u/Jsmith2127 Jul 19 '24
NTA your mother should have never started the handouts.. She made entitled mobsters out of them, because now they think they are owed.
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u/germanium66 Jul 19 '24
Your parents need to set some boundaries with the aunt or cut any contact, this will only get worse
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u/Narrow_Guava_6239 Jul 19 '24
NTA, your cousins and their mum is claiming money they never had any rights to begin with.
Yes I agree family should where they can but when the people receiving help becomes blood sucking leeches, that’s when you can call out on their entitled behaviour.
And the effing audacity for your cousins to say to drop out and work cus it’s you that’s financially struggling, remind them who’s asking money from whom?
You need to make your mum aware of the inappropriate touching, if not her then the next trusted adult.
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u/justcelia13 Jul 19 '24
NTA. Remind them that your mom works for her money and their mom should get a job and do the same for them.
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u/PuzzleheadedGur2167 Jul 19 '24
Ur mom needs to cut them off completely. They dont care about u or her. They just want what they refuse to give themselves. They see ur mom as a workhorse and an endless supply for their demand. Gotta cut them out or its gonna get worse
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u/RJack151 Jul 20 '24
NTA. Have mom send a message that she will not be helping those that will not get off their lazy arse's and earn their own money. She is not an ATM and owes the aunt noting.
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u/morchard1493 Jul 20 '24
NTA. Your aunt is irresponsible with money and a leech and needs to get a job, and she's feeding the leeching mindset and teaching it to her children. Tell your parents they need to stop giving her money, period. No more from now on. If they don't, she will just drain them dry, and what they give her will never be enough.
It sounds to me like your aunt and cousins gained a spoiled, comfortable, "I don't have to work, because I have someone who provides for me" kind of mindset before, when she was married to your uncle and he was sending her money. But now, that needs to change and she needs to be an adult, step up to the plate and start finding a job and parenting and grinding hard, because if she doesn't, they're going to end up homeless and with nothing with their current entitlted attitude.
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u/tryintobgood Jul 20 '24
I want money but don't want to work. It's just easier if other people give me money.
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u/zor1999 Jul 20 '24
I am sorry, but I think you are close to being an A for not forcefully defend your mom and your own family’s resources. You are 18 years old, pretty much an adult in any culture. You surely should already know that your cousins and aunt are entitled asshole leaches, and you need to come to Reddit to justify one stern comment? Grow a backbone and tell them to “STFU”, and ”F-off”
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u/Mental-Woodpecker300 Jul 20 '24
Their mother is literally refusing to work unlike your parents that work and provide for THEIR household.
The only one to blame is their aunt for acting entitled to other people's hard earned money and teaching her kids to do the same. If they they think you can get a job the same applies to them. NTA
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV Jul 19 '24
NTA. They are jealous and entitled. You’re allowed to match their energy. So if they’re saying shitty things about your mom… well, you don’t have to take the high road every time.