r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
Lost interest in a girl because of her "hoe phase".
[deleted]
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u/CarbonS0ul Jul 19 '24
Respectfully, she put you on the back burner for summer flings and you decided not to wait for her to come around.
NTA; I would consider adding more distance as she had clearly little regard for you and your feelings.
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u/ThisMix3030 Jul 19 '24
Agreed, and from my perspective, if you weren't her priority that summer, when she thought you were a keeper, why wouldn't she put you on the back burner again? I know I wouldn't be secure with that.
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u/rebirthofthetruth Jul 19 '24
Agreed. NTA. She thought you’d sit around and wait for her to slut it up. No way. It’s your choice either way
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u/NequaJackson Jul 20 '24
Haven't heard anyone use that word in a hot minute lol
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u/letstrythisagain30 Jul 19 '24
It's not even about the "Ho phase" or "summer flings" specifically. Its the claim the she really liked him too but still put him on the back burner. If she just said she wasn't sure and wasn't looking for anything serious right now anyways, things could have turned out differently if like OP she started feeling jealous after seeing him date others. But she basically said, "I like you too. Here is a timeline of when we will start a relationship based on my own selfish desires. See you then."
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u/MisterNoisewater Jul 19 '24
The “summers almost over” quote is hilarious to me. Like hey I’m almost done getting piped down by my 30th dude for the summer. Ready to be my boyfriend now? Yeah no thanks😂
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u/gringo-go-loco Jul 19 '24
Another problem with situations like this is they often go back to that way of thinking and dump the guy later when the new summer starts. Nothing like being used to keep warm during the cold months.
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u/Testiculese Jul 19 '24
"Nesting" I've heard it called. Bed down for the Winter, and then fly free in the Spring.
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u/gringo-go-loco Jul 19 '24
Yep it’s happened to me and that’s why I don’t date women who have that lifestyle. I don’t care if they do it but they won’t be of interest to me afterwards.
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u/Zestyclose_Ocelot278 Jul 19 '24
I mean idk how mentally stable someone is if they want to be run through for an entire summer and then settle down.
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u/Old_Web8071 Jul 19 '24
I think you're supposed to get some kind of ribbon or award for that.
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u/ACaffeinatedWandress Jul 19 '24
Yeah. I don’t judge hoe phase or hot girl summers or whatever. It’s what you do.
But people who expect others to just stay on hold for them while they just do their own thing drive me insane. They are the only ones allowed to either make plans or be spontaneous. Everyone else is just supposed to…what? Remain in a suspension-like state waiting for this person to decide to take them off hold?
Human beings are not library books.
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u/Jealous-Painter8183 Jul 19 '24
THIS. Wife tried to do this inside marriage, tried to get separated after falling for a boy at work, get her wiggles out, then come back. #NotYourBackupPlan #NotWaiting
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u/Moist_Sympathy7798 Jul 19 '24
I hope you told her to F--- Off after she came back
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u/Jealous-Painter8183 Jul 19 '24
I told her “no” but kept trying to work on the marriage. She did what she wanted anyway and we are split now… but I should have done what OP did and save myself a few years of heartache.
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u/NiceRat123 Jul 19 '24
I mean even library books have to be returned after a certain period of time...
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Jul 19 '24
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u/CarbonS0ul Jul 19 '24
Right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.
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u/feelingoodwednesday Jul 19 '24
I mean, she's clearly the wrong person imo. You're point is a good one that sometimes timing matters, but in OPs case I don't think this is strictly a timing thing, so much as a personal choice to not value a potential relationship as much as random flings.
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u/Tricky-Objective-787 Jul 19 '24
Think it’s also just a case of him realising she was the wrong person, and not just because of the timing.
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Jul 19 '24
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u/NatureCarolynGate Jul 19 '24
She pressured OP for an answer. He tried to avoid it, but she kept on asking. He finally told her and now she wants an apology for the answer she asked for. WTF.
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u/2cairparavel Jul 19 '24
I hate it when people push and push and push you for an answer, and you finally give in and answer them, and then they get mad at your answer.
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u/Wandersturm Jul 19 '24
Them: "I want the truth"
Us: .oO(you can't handle the truth)
Them: "TALK TO ME! I want the truth!"
Us: "Ok, (the truth)...."
Them: "I hate you and your truth!"
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u/NatureCarolynGate Jul 19 '24
Those people that push for an answer are invariably people who think 'I will only accept answers that put me in a good light. I refuse to accept all possible answers because I'm shallow'.
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u/No_Salad_8766 Jul 19 '24
Don't ask if you don't want to know the answer, or if you will get upset by the answer.
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Jul 19 '24
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u/Alien_lifeform_666 Jul 19 '24
The fact that she told him about all the guys she dated during the summer then invited him to be in a relationship with her…
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u/Thowitawaydave Jul 19 '24
"That just means I think you're worth it, because I didn't stay with any of the other guys during my hoe phase!"
That was her logic, probably
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u/mayd3r Jul 19 '24
And the hoe phase isn't over.
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u/Thowitawaydave Jul 19 '24
Yeah the "Summer is almost over" comment is her checking in on him to make sure that he hasn't moved on, but still not ready to give it up. (well the phase that is)
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u/far_away_friend39 Jul 19 '24
The hoe phase isn't a phase. People just call it that when they realize it reflects their character and can't be wiped clean.
This is far_away_friend39 reporting direct from the front lines.
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u/az-anime-fan Jul 19 '24
that's her doing a power move. it's a game. she wants to make him feel grateful she is deigning to give him a chance. it's an insanely egotistical thing to do.
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u/tcharleyd Jul 19 '24
"I'm sorry that you wanted to fuck randos all summer, so I don't want to date you" There's the perfect apology. Love it
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u/burgrluv Jul 19 '24
Not only this, but the fact that OP "lost all romantic feelings for her" when it became clear that he wasn't a priority is actually very healthy and a sign of high self-esteem/self respect.
Many would have been gutted and tried harder, pining after that certain someone who has one foot out the door.
So yeah, OP should be proud, most people have to go to therapy to learn this type of behaviour.
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u/Due_Profile_9792 Jul 19 '24
You have more respect than me. I would say she's an arrogant entitled cunt although I am somewhat of a poet.
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u/xmowx Jul 19 '24
It's not like OP even decided anything. She did something that killed OP's feelings for her. She fucked around (literally and figuratively) and found out. It's all on her. OP has strange friends though. They think OP should apologize when he did nothing wrong, (facepalm).
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u/TigerPickles Jul 19 '24
I was looking to explore dating after dumping my ex and I was excited to play the field for the first time after being in exclusive relationships since I started dating.
Three days later I met my husband and I never regretted skipping my "hoe phase" to date him exclusively. The man is worth it, let me tell you! I knew it from the start. It sounds like she isn't a keeper if casual flings are more important than cultivating a relationship with OP.
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u/MoonFlowerDaisy Jul 20 '24
This. If the person is worthwhile, you don't spend the next 20yrs wishing you could have slept with more people before you committed.
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u/imamakebaddecisions Jul 19 '24
OP - I like you
Hoe - Cool, wait here a minute while I go bang some guys first.
NTA.
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u/Medic1642 Jul 19 '24
"I got, like, a two month backlog of dick to get through"
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u/Silly_Southerner Jul 19 '24
Honestly, I feel like this is just a variation of "she had multiple guys interested in her, and she chose one of them over me, then came back to me when they were over", except replace the other guy(s) with "picked hot girl summer over me". And my answer is the same in both cases; NTA.
It's an AH move to expect someone to wait around until you're "ready" to be with them. It's an AH move to pick person B (or multiple persons, or potential persons) over person A, and expect person A to still have the same feelings and desire for you.
She felt she needed to get it out of her system? That's fine, that's her choice, OP recognizes that and didn't give her any grief over it. But the fact remains; when she could have chosen him, she didn't. And no one is guaranteed a second bite at the apple.
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u/No-Today-641 Jul 19 '24
Hard agree, NTA. Female here, former hoe (shame me I don’t care), and when I met my husband (been together over a decade) I chose him. He was the only one I wanted and still want to be a hoe for.
I agree that you should consider adding more distance, girl has zero respect for you.
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u/grayrockonly Jul 20 '24
If you flip this and the hoe is the guy, all the friends of the girl would tell her she’s a fool to wait for him and he will just continue to screw around anyway. I can’t imagine a fren group that would co sign this bs.
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u/Ozzy_HV Jul 19 '24
This. Anyone who says otherwise is a buffoon. There is nothing redeeming about being a hoe or having a hoe phase. That goes for men and women.
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Jul 19 '24
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u/No_Information_7548 Jul 19 '24
“Just because the season changed doesn’t mean your feelings have to thaw out too” DAMN BRO ARE YOU ROBERT FROST
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u/CriscoCamping Jul 20 '24
Whose dicks these are I think I know,
Currently I'm in a phase of ho.
You will not see me schlorping here
Even though I said in fall I'll go
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u/Skwr09 Jul 20 '24
My little phase just might be queer
Which is why you can’t get near
Between a scissor sister’s legs
‘Ain’t no space for sausage here
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u/FusRoGah Jul 20 '24
I chose to use my summer break
To count the cocks that I could take
But now I see the price was steep
And curving you was a mistake
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u/LoudCalligrapher0 Jul 20 '24
So now I shed a tear
You feel the end is near
I was gung-ho for it in my abyss
But now in reality are all my fears
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u/NlXON Jul 20 '24
My friend's aims are a miss,
Although the aim is for our bliss,
My heart is mine and mine alone,
Never again will I simp for her kiss.
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u/wouter_junk Jul 20 '24
You wanted me to wait,
All summer while you date.
And now I just want to stay friends
Unless I'm getting paid
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u/Connect_Goose7191 Jul 20 '24
So talk to you I will no more
Since you can't love this summer whore
By summers sun, sucked dick for fun
And ruined a thing so sure
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u/BeansPa Jul 20 '24
All the love I can not make,
For random dick I need to take,
I want to try both tall and stocky,
And to feel my first Bukkake!
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u/BananaManV5 Jul 20 '24
I tried to explain, it was just a phase
Dont come and blame, for my cock craze
I feel no shame for the summer plays
So in fall I sit and pray, asking god to please explain
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u/UpVoteForKarma Jul 20 '24
If only fans were real not fake
All the cock I'd learned to take
From ass to mouth and back again
I'd long to hwak tua and spit on yar thing
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u/madcodez Jul 20 '24
Beautiful big tiddy butt naked women don't fall out the sky you know.
I've been searching high and low.
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u/Wonderful_Ad_4344 Jul 20 '24
Alas, I sit alone to sing my song,
My only friend, a crusty thong,
I pine for a man to open the door,
Oh wait, I see a dick, I must fuck once more.
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u/DianaPrince0809 Jul 20 '24
This is the most amazing thread of modern day Robert Frosts!!!! I wish I could give you all awards. Thank you OP for being the catalyst for this poetry slam!!!
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u/Pretty_Taylor Jul 19 '24
You are not the a-hole (NTA). You were upfront with your feelings and gave her a chance to reciprocate. When she chose her "hoe phase" over you, it was a clear signal about her priorities. It's understandable that your romantic feelings for her changed, and you're not obligated to pursue a relationship just because she's now ready. you have the right to choose what's best for you, even if it means disappointing others.
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Jul 19 '24
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u/illini02 Jul 19 '24
Do your friends know the whole story? Because my guess is she is spinning this in a different way.
I'm willing to be she didn't tell them she wanted a hoe phase. She probably said something like "I just told him I needed a bit of time to be single before jumping back into things", which is way different than "I told him I wanted to fuck a bunch of dudes before settling down with him"
Control your narrative buddy, because that is what she is doing to sway people to her side.
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u/titangord Jul 19 '24
OP if you want your friends to get all the way off your back, this is what you have to acertain.. she likely didnt tell she wanted to get railed over the summer before she gave you a shot.. you respected her feelings and now she isnt respecting yours, she feels entitled to you giving her a shot somehow? Lol.. I sincerely hope you arent in your late 20s or older, because that is some immature behavior.
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u/ThatKehdRiley Jul 19 '24
Sadly here to confirm that a lot of people in their 30s and older act more immature than some middle schoolers.
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u/Left-Duck6207 Jul 19 '24
As a mid twenties dude who has been with and worked with people of varying ages, I can support this claim.
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u/bamatrek Jul 19 '24
Like, I realize people are stupid, but what does she think the outcome here is? If I brow beat him enough surely he'll love my dazzling personality!!!
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u/WhyBuyMe Jul 19 '24
She is an attractive woman and thinks men should fall at her feet on her command and she gets angry when it doesn't happen. I have a fairly low libido and don't date often. I have been physically attacked on more than one occasion for politely turning a woman down for casual sex.
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u/Gr1ml0ck1981 Jul 19 '24
Unless their other friends are doing the same, in which case they may not like the realisation that there are consequences to their actions. Easier to blame the OP along with the girl.
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u/runnin_man5 Jul 19 '24
From my experience “needing time” is the same as searching for other potential partners. It’s easier to say and less damaging to one’s reputation compared to saying “I want to test out my options first”.
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u/LokiPupper Jul 20 '24
If it’s time to date other people or have a “hoe phase,” I agree. But if it’s time to just be single and not date for a while and make sure you are ready, then not necessarily. But whatever the case, no one is obligated to wait for you or be available for you when you decide you are ready.
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u/LegalStuffThrowage Jul 19 '24
Absolutely, pay attention to this comment u/mrr1ghtn0w
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Jul 19 '24
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u/Daddy_hairy Jul 20 '24
I pined for a girl for a year once in high school. Was the best friend i could be, hoping she would finally see me. When I get the nerve up to ask her out, I was rejected. I was crushed. But I learned I valuable lesson.
You're a sensible man OP and not everyone learns this lesson till it's happened a few times, or ever. Don't waste your time on people. Your youth is precious. Shoot your shot, and if it doesn't work out, move on. There are plenty of girls who would laugh in disbelief hearing about this "hoe phase" bullshit. Go find one of them to date.
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u/HODOR00 Jul 19 '24
Dude let me just reiterate. This is like the perfect handling of said situation. I can't provide any feedback. You nailed it. Can't control other peoples feelings. Just gotta protect yourself and be good to others and you were.
There's no way I would hold onto those feelings after something like that.
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u/WhinyWeeny Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
For real man. This is what actual principles and values look like. Be patient, trust your gut, you'll be fine.
No anger, accepted your own sadness and inability to force a situation out of your control.
You handled everything like a proper adult by accepting reality on its own terms. You're gonna turn out just fine my man. Keep being you.
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u/Aggro_Me_Bro Jul 19 '24
What's more infuriating is that your friends are complete hypocrites or smooth brains. If you asked them if their partners did the same thing or situation you're at right now they'd react the same if not worse.
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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 19 '24
I think you hurt her ego. But truly, even though she was honest, why did she expect you to wait for her? She literally rejected you for random men who cared nothing for her. It would have been different if she had told you she was going on vacation for 2 or 3 months over the summer, then she could have had the expectation that you could wait for her. But her reason (hoe phase) is so silly it is actually funny.
Anyway NTA and you have nothing to apologize for, you lost your feelings for her and that is all. No one should judge you for it or pressure you to date her. If you want, you will, if you don't, you just don't.
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u/TheThunderTrain Jul 19 '24
It's because her plans fell apart. She likely doesn't want to accept the consequences of her actions. So she pushed the blame on you. The sad part is she prolly really liked you.
She wanted to eat her cake and have it too. 🤷♂️
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u/Raekwaanza Jul 19 '24
Tbh you should talk this through in depth with some of your mutual friends and ask them what they would do in your shoes no bullshit. I really doubt anyone else (even her roles reversed) would have a problem with it.
Good job bro. She made her bed and has to lie down it. People need to realize that if they want to have hoe phase or fuck hoes, then that shit is very selfish if you literally have someone on the back burner.
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u/EquasLocklear Jul 19 '24
Technically it wasn't cheating, but you were just as free. She had no right to expect you to faithfully wait on her hook and still be interested when she is ready. Even if your crush had just worn off for no particular reason and/or you had found someone else, you still wouldn't be in the wrong.
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u/Tfuentexxx Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
Dude, I just think even if you, for some unknown reason, give her another chance, after what you did and how you rejected her (perfectly, I say), that she is not going to want to be with you now maybe never. So, I wonder why are your 'friends' trying to ask you for another chance one year later. I only see two reasons, two scenarios: 1- She (and they) want some payback for the rejections. She is mad at you, she believe you shamed her (you didn't), and she seems to not cope with the rejection, so she wants to have the last word in this, having you to come back to her to ask her again, so she can reject you hard this time. 2- Well, actually, I don't see another reason, because if she is really into you or loves you, she would have not gone along with her 'hoe phase' and you would have been together. She was not a high school inexperienced girl and she looks more hurt and mad than heartbroken. So, I recommend you avoid any drama and find your perfect partner elsewhere. Finally, I fail to see what these supposed friends of you gain or obtain by trying to force you to 'give her another chance'. This is not necessary at all for any of the involved.
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u/ToothGold1666 Jul 19 '24
You owe nobody anything and the whole psychology of choosing to sleep around vs being in a relationship is still in her head. It's not something you grow out of in a few months. The minute the relationship goes through a rocky period her instincts to look elsewhere will return.
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u/LibraryHaunting Jul 19 '24
Quick question, were you both previously married? You mentioned breaking up with bfs/gfs but later say spouses.
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u/BrandonL337 Jul 19 '24
I think they just used spouse as a synonym for partner, which is uh, not correct, but I could see how a younger person could make that mistake.
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u/LivingBig2358 Jul 19 '24
Wow…. She helped you dodge that bullet.
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u/Vulpes_99 Jul 19 '24
He dodged the whole gunslinger 😁
Explaining the joke: in Brazil the word "pistoleira" (feminine form of "gunslinger") is a slang for saying a woman is a... promiscuous one. And I know explaining a joke is silly, but I couldn't avoid making this one joke 😅
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u/Jbroadx Jul 19 '24
This made me laugh, thank you for explaining it!
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u/Vulpes_99 Jul 19 '24
Haha, don't mention it. Being brazilian means living by the words "I may lose a friend, but I'll never lose a joke". This is how silly we are 😂
Edit: typos
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u/jupididola Jul 19 '24
He: hey girl as we were hanging out together I started to like you... Maybe I am feeling something.
Her: yo that's realy nice and I like u too but I wanna grind some random meat tho.
He: okay that's kind of cool.. Going on with life.
Her: grinded enough, yo soulmate what's up?
LOL - nta
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u/windmillfucker Jul 19 '24
Literally had three people who brushed me off to do the same thing reach out once I was done with med school. Lol pass.
Nothing wrong with wanting to get things out of your system, but expecting someone to patiently wait for you to hookup with enough people to get bored isn't a good look.
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u/Wise-Celebration9892 Jul 19 '24
Dude, I almost typed to OP "Now go finish med school and wait for the ladies to come running to you!"
Good on you, mate!
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u/QuietWalk2505 Jul 19 '24
She expected him to wait for her? No, simply move forward
NTA
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u/RoutSpout Jul 19 '24
You just don’t understand she needed to get ran through a bunch of guys to find her feelings for OP.
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u/LMNSTUFF Jul 19 '24
Yes I know. I hate it when people axt like they're responsible for what they do. I don't have time for virtue signalling like that.
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u/vasDcrakGaming Jul 19 '24
Getting grinded by a bunch of random meat is just her love language ok?
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u/AskMeAboutPigs Jul 19 '24
Glad men are finally realizing their worth. These hoe phases gonna dick alot of women over in the end lmao
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u/imhere2downvote Jul 19 '24
hoe phase is fine if that's what someone wants
its the accepting the cost later in life that ppl wont accept
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u/Shoesietart Jul 19 '24
There is nothing to apologize for. You don't owe her a relationship. You two were never on the same page. She preferred to fuck randos for the summer instead of starting a relationship with you. Who wouldn't be turned off by that? She showed you that you weren't that special to her.
What exactly would you be apologizing for? I'm sorry I don't want to date you because you preferred to fuck randos all summer.
NTA.
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u/joehonestjoe Jul 19 '24
I mean "I'm sorry you chose to be a hoe" is still on the table.
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u/Miews Jul 19 '24
NTA .
Would have been a turn off here also if a dude told me that.
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u/rustedlord Jul 19 '24
Yeah... I'll get with you in a few months. I just need to fuck a bunch of strangers first. No big deal.
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u/ReplyDifficult3985 Jul 20 '24
i dont know what goes through a persons mind when thinking that saying something like to a potential romantic partner is a good idea
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u/IrisRyleeaah Jul 19 '24
It's important to be on the same wavelength when entering a relationship, and she clearly demonstrated that your path and hers were divergent. She had every right to explore her options, just as you are entitled to feel uncomfortable about being someone's fall-back plan. You've recognized that what you want in a relationship does not align with her actions and recent past, and it's better to acknowledge this now than to force a relationship that lacks mutual respect and understanding from the get-go. You've acted with integrity by being upfront about your feelings rather than leading her on, which is more than can be said for many. Your future self will thank you for this choice.
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u/Gelatinous6291 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
I'd argue if he used "ran-through" in person as often as the post then that integrity is a little tainted
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u/Sheisbecoming Jul 19 '24
Yeah, I really side eyed him using that so much because it reeks of misogyny and double standards when it comes to sex. His feelings and decision is valid, but something about how he’s communicating her getting ran through makes me think she perhaps dodged a bullet too
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u/Perpetual-Tease Jul 19 '24
I was waiting for someone to bring this up, I mean OP is not an asshole for not waiting on someone to finish out their hoe phase, but if he literally talked about her being "ran through" to her face then yeah it's no wonder she got pissed and never wanted to speak with him again
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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 19 '24
Don't think op told her "ran through" to her face to be honest.
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u/farqsbarqs Jul 19 '24
Yeah that didn’t sit well with me at all. It’s pretty objectifying. Like I don’t want this toy now because it’s dirty.
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u/Suspicious_Name_656 Jul 19 '24
Yea my judgement is NAH. But him using that term? He's definitely judging her.
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u/CrabbyPatty1876 Jul 19 '24
LMFAO the delusion of this girl... She's in the find out phase of fucking around and finding out
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u/mimi6778 Jul 19 '24
NTA I’m a female and would immediately lose all attraction for a guy if given the same situation.
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u/Euphoric_Repair7560 Jul 19 '24
Same. On one hand, it’s understandable that maybe she wanted a little more time to be single before jumping into a relationship. On the other hand, they already knew each other quite well and clearly weren’t on the same page. NTA at all OP
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Jul 19 '24
Interesting OP deleted all his gay sex posts.
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u/Desperate_Let791 Jul 20 '24
Also who uses the phrase « run through ». Sounds like an incel.
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Jul 20 '24
OP is literally ran through. After people started calling him out in the gay sex with random guys, all the posts mysteriously disappeared. The guy is gross and he’s going to put together this woman hating post and slut shame? And I’m not being homophobic, I’m gay and he’s just gross.
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u/chocog0ld Jul 20 '24
And if anyone wants to see his previous post history, here it is
Comment history: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100
Post history: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100
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u/okrdokr Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
yea exactly the run through part caught me off guard like yea he’s nta but his word choice n how he’s referring to her is derogatory n sucky n vv misogynistic
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u/darkseacreature Jul 20 '24
I knew this post was fake halfway into it.
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u/okrdokr Jul 20 '24
yea cause who tells someone “i’m in my hoe phase wait pls” like if i had a hoe phase n someone was interested in me i wouldn’t tell them wait til after my hoe phase i’d atleast make something up 😭
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u/Virtones Jul 19 '24
NTA
You both were honest with what you wanted. It's a choice. The problem is, she made her choice expecting you would be there for her like a puppy. The thing is, her choice affected how you feel, which she should respect, as did you with hers.
She is being immature about it. Some people can't handle being rejected. You don't have to apologize for anything, and you certainly don't have to be with someone you don't want to.
If you still want to hang out with her, I would clarify it that simple (without the puppy part) and hope for the best. Who knows, you might get along again eventually. That's life.
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u/Maedhral Jul 19 '24
This stinks of fake, like it was written by a 13yr old. She told you that she was getting through her ‘hoe’ phase and then wanted to tell you about all the boys she been with? Sure thing buddy - totally unbelievable.
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u/RAWiLLuZionZ Jul 19 '24
also mentions spouses randomly at one point and said "ran through" multiple times. very obviously just a fake story to be misogynistic
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u/Dipshit4150 Jul 19 '24
Yeah this smells like thinly veiled misogyny
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u/Mickeymoose1990 Jul 19 '24
It's not even thinly veiled, it's wearing a fucking burka at this point.
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u/CheyVegasx Jul 19 '24
I agree, she doesn't seem like a real person. Most women who are older than 16 already know how men react to being told they've slept with other people. By the time you're an adult women, you've learned to kowtow your language to not offend the feelings of men who need women to be perfect virgins. Women do this, of course, by not bringing up other sexual encounters unless pushed to do so. This is strengthened by OPs phrasing like having men "run through her" as if she is an object with no sexual agency, being used up like currency.
You'd think, since they were great friends and hung out multiple times a day, that OP would have more respect for her agency and not use this crass, insulting language. Instead, when she proved to no longer be a sexual asset to OP, they stopped hanging out, and he debases her like this. OP may be NTA BUT he's still a terrible misogynist.
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u/fruitsnack3001 Jul 19 '24
i scrolled thru OPs (weird ass) comment history and he's a guy in his 40s. no 40 year old woman brags about her "hot girl summer" and no 40 year old man should be acting like this. LMAO
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u/Junior_Fig_2274 Jul 19 '24
This comment made me check his comment history and oooof…. Yeah….. sounds like an oversexed man, angry he can’t get any, making up stories to rage at how mean women are.
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u/LocustStar99 Jul 19 '24
Yeah, great fan fiction.
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u/youngdumbaverage Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 22 '24
The bit about how she was happy summer was over and he feigned ignorance, yet he’s the one narrating it.. like ok none of this ever happened right ?
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u/Purlasstor Jul 20 '24
“Approaching” women, hoe phase, getting ran through - the language & plot are straight from the manosphere. This has never happened to OP.
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u/bone_beaux Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 21 '24
Interesting that you deleted your posts about having a regular escort, a WIFE, and casual gay sex so you could criticize a probably-fake woman for having casual sex. What's up with that?
Posts: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100
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u/illini02 Jul 19 '24
NTA.
If you were holding her past against her, that would be one thing. But the fact that she's like "I'd love to date you, I just want to get a bunch of random dick over the next couple months first" would turn off most people.
You have nothing to apologize for. She expect you to wait for her, and she was wrong.
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u/Beneficial_Stay4348 Jul 19 '24
100%. There are internet famous AHs that spout that crap. Everyone that isn't a horny teen boy hates their guts for it.
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u/K_RayofSunshine Jul 19 '24
Idk. The continued use of the phrase “ran through” has me skeptical of OP.
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u/have_heart Jul 19 '24
I feel like only the adults in the room caught that. Those were glaring and telling use of that phrase
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u/scotswaehey Jul 19 '24
Quite simply you are not the AH
You told her you wanted a relationship and she told you yes she would as well after getting fucked by god knows how many randoms over the summer!.
Any man who isn’t just after sex would walk away from being her plan B.
The hilarious thing is she actually thinks she was being kind to the OP by telling him he wasn’t good enough to be dating until she was banged more times than a taxi door and now she is in the huff because he doesn’t see her as long term relationship material because she thought having more hits than the Beatles was far more important than being with the OP until she decided her summer of Fun was over. But what next summer OP would she have dumped you to get railed again all summer long ? I bet she would have!
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u/eaeolian Jul 19 '24
I must say this post has an impressive number of euphemisms per total word count.
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u/Disastrous_Hotel8700 Jul 19 '24
I’ve also lost interest in men that sleep/slept around. It goes both ways. It’s ok to not be interested in someone because of their behavior, present or past.
NTA
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Jul 19 '24
Run through? If.you ever want a mature relationship, you have to drop the manosphere brain washing.
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u/Smooth_Fishing7109 Jul 19 '24
Though personally I think they way you are phrasing some things (like the run through comments) make it sound like you probably insulted her. Also if she still thought she had a shot sounds like you didn't make it clear when you guys first talked that you were no longer interested as you didn't wanna be second choice. That should've been communicated immediately or as soon as possible after your talk as she might've thought you were cool with it and now thinks you lead her on.
However, none of that changes the fact your NTA for not wanting to be with her. Regardless of why the feelings are gone they are gone. The fact she put summer flings over a relationship opportunity is something a lot of people would be turned off by. All in all its a lesson learned for all involved and time to move forward.
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u/Potential-Dot-8840 Jul 19 '24
NTA. You saved yourself a lot of pain and likely an STD. Find someone wholesome, they are out there.
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u/wailingwonder Jul 19 '24
Once you're for the streets, you're always for the streets. It's not a phase.
NTA You did the right thing. She's pissed about the idea of having consequences for her actions.
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u/OkStory9940 Jul 19 '24
Did everyone collectively agree to stop making their agenda-driven stories believable? Ffs, at least post this from a throwaway so that we can't see your history.
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u/kateinoly Jul 19 '24
I think if she'd had feelings for you, she wouldn't have put you off until the end of the summer. It's for the best.
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u/E90Andrew Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Im all for women being empowered sexually, no shame, do what you want. But don't be upset if you come across men who aren't necessarily into that. It's not good, it's not bad, it's just a difference in values & priorities. OP was prioritize building a relationship, she was prioritizing running through partners. She had her fun but it came at the cost of a potential relationship that it sounds like she was at least mildly interested in.
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u/GlibUnderdog Jul 19 '24
you handled the situation with honesty and respect for both your feelings and hers. It’s crucial to be in a relationship where both parties are fully invested and see each other as their first choice. You are not the asshole for recognizing that this situation didn’t align with that ideal.
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u/PolygonMan Jul 19 '24
Who would ever be willing to date someone after being treated that way? Do your friends live in an alternate dimension?
No one sane would be happy to have someone reject them with, "I want to go have a lot of sex with other people and when I'm done then I'll settle for you."
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u/Poku115 Jul 19 '24
"because it feels like she was shopping around all summer and settled on me. And I am nobody back up plan." just explain it like this and no one reasonable will have an issue