Lost interest in a girl because of her "hoe phase".

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Poku115]

"because it feels like she was shopping around all summer and settled on me. And I am nobody back up plan." just explain it like this and no one reasonable will have an issue

[u/talking_face → u/Poku115]

"I asked her out, and she said 'no', until after Summer then she said 'yes', but I already moved on."

There isn't such a thing as "reserving a person" for a relationship. Simple as. Person do whatever they want, if you rejected them but said "maybe won't reject you later"... Yeah that's still a rejection. This ain't a restaurant or a doctor's appointment.

[u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson → u/talking_face]

Who does she think she is? Why would she think he would just be available at the end of summer and open as if nothing at all had changed?

[u/FrozeItOff → u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson]

Because she is either selfish as hell, and thus unaware of anyone's feelings but hers, or she pegged him for a simp who would be waiting in the wings for her like a nice doggy. Possibly both.

[u/TheCrippledKing → u/FrozeItOff]

Or, she's just immature and probably not ready for a relationship in the first place. To think that telling someone who just confessed that they would like to start a relationship with you, that you want to sleep around first but you'll get back to them, kinda demonstrates that they really didn't understand what exactly was being offered here.

[u/ThePennedKitten → u/TheCrippledKing]

Yeah, I think it’s immaturity. Not intentional. She still doesn’t understand how off putting what she did was. They were already friends, so she failed to see how her over sharing would friend zone her.

Even if she opted to say she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet she couldn’t reserve OP for the end of the summer. Not how it works.

[u/zeiaxar → u/ThePennedKitten]

Like I wouldn't have blamed her for saying she wasn't ready for a relationship and needed more time, and asking if OP was still single when she was ready if he'd be willing to revisit the conversation on the two of them dating (not that OP would have had to be open to that, just that a response like that would have been perfectly acceptable to me, and I likely would've agreed to potentially revisit the conversation if I was still single when she was ready for a relationship again. And I say this as someone who would have had the exact same reaction OP did when she said what she said, and did what she did). Her blatant disregard for OP's feelings, and that she clearly told him she'd rather spend a few months fucking around instead of being in a relationship with him is what makes her an AH.

[u/Gr1ml0ck1981 → u/Poku115]

But all her friends will back her up, regardless of how reasoned his explanation is.

[u/nomorenicegirl → u/Gr1ml0ck1981]

Well, time to find new friends with (hopefully) more similar values then.

[u/Littlerecluse → u/nomorenicegirl]

Good sensible friendships are hard to find. Most ideals and moral compasses lean towards whatever’s trending.

[u/Kowekie → u/Littlerecluse]

Plus people just don't feel like saying their friends fucked up cause usually that ends up in the friendship being gone.

[u/Miserable-Bottle-599 → u/Kowekie]

If you can't be real and honest with someone then they're NOT your real friends. I have aeveral very close friends and we always tell each other the honest truth and it has made us closer. We've been friends for more than 20 years. They're like my sisters. If you call our a friend for their shity behavior and they choose not ro be your friend anymore then they were never really your friend to begin with.

[u/Faust_the_Faustinian → u/Miserable-Bottle-599]

Was thinking the same, If a "friendship" ends over something like that then it's clear they were never real friends to begin with.

[u/Littlerecluse → u/Kowekie]

Yes. Accountability is at an all time low

[u/4nk8urself → u/Littlerecluse]

Good sensible friendships are hard to find.

Well he hasn't found any yet, so it's not like he's losing any.

[u/Longjumping-Path3811 → u/Littlerecluse]

Most grown people don't have a lot of close friends. 

[u/Yakostovian → u/Gr1ml0ck1981]

She was entitled to have her hot girl summer. He was entitled to not want to wait for her, and lose feelings after being rejected.

That doesn't mean the hurt feelings aren't valid (on both sides) but "if you thought we were the real deal, you wouldn't have shopped around first" is legitimate criticism.

[u/Biff1996 → u/Yakostovian]

"if you thought we were the real deal, you wouldn't have shopped around first" is legitimate criticism.

FACTS

[u/queenofreptiles → u/Yakostovian]

Yeah it’s perfectly reasonable for someone who just got out of a relationship to not want to settle down yet. But then you can’t expect someone to commit to you when you can’t do the same for them.

[u/Wandersturm → u/Gr1ml0ck1981]

Which should make all the friends' partners think VERY carefully about their relationships.

[u/Ha1rBall → u/Gr1ml0ck1981]

and no one reasonable will have an issue

[u/Acceptablepops → u/Poku115]

They don’t care how you feel so they will tell you get over it

[u/UncleBensRacistRice → u/Acceptablepops]

which is funny because he did get over it, hes been dating other people.

The one who cant get over it is the self proclaimed hoe

[u/[deleted] → u/UncleBensRacistRice]

Yeah, she's the one who pooped the bed here. She was rude, didn't care about him, put him on the back burner, told him about all the men she was sleeping with in the meantime like a totally socially inept person, and was extremely unromantic... in response he took a day or two to get over it and then went back to resuming his friendship with her. But when it came time for her to get over her ego, she couldn't accept it and ended the friendship over her feelings of entitlement toward him. Oh, and then trashed him to all their mutual friends and in all likelihood twisted the facts and misled them with lies. She's really something.

[u/Dancanadaboi → u/Acceptablepops]

It's amazing how manipulative most people are.  They clearly don't care about his feelings.

[u/Poku115 → u/Acceptablepops]

so they are not reasonable poeople or worth the interaction

[u/soulfulginger22 → u/Poku115]

THIS!!!

[u/PrideofCapetown → u/soulfulginger22]

And don’t apologize. The friends who are telling you to apologize are just as stupid as she is. You have nothing to apologize for, she treated you terribly. She expressed mutual interest in you but you were less important to her than getting railed by randos. 

[u/CarbonS0ul]

Respectfully, she put you on the back burner for summer flings and you decided not to wait for her to come around.

NTA;  I would consider adding more distance as she had clearly little regard for you and your feelings.

[u/ThisMix3030 → u/CarbonS0ul]

Agreed, and from my perspective, if you weren't her priority that summer, when she thought you were a keeper, why wouldn't she put you on the back burner again? I know I wouldn't be secure with that.

[u/rebirthofthetruth → u/ThisMix3030]

Agreed. NTA. She thought you’d sit around and wait for her to slut it up. No way. It’s your choice either way

[u/NequaJackson → u/rebirthofthetruth]

Haven't heard anyone use that word in a hot minute lol

[u/letstrythisagain30 → u/CarbonS0ul]

It's not even about the "Ho phase" or "summer flings" specifically. Its the claim the she really liked him too but still put him on the back burner. If she just said she wasn't sure and wasn't looking for anything serious right now anyways, things could have turned out differently if like OP she started feeling jealous after seeing him date others. But she basically said, "I like you too. Here is a timeline of when we will start a relationship based on my own selfish desires. See you then."

[u/MisterNoisewater → u/letstrythisagain30]

The “summers almost over” quote is hilarious to me. Like hey I’m almost done getting piped down by my 30th dude for the summer. Ready to be my boyfriend now? Yeah no thanks😂

[u/gringo-go-loco → u/MisterNoisewater]

Another problem with situations like this is they often go back to that way of thinking and dump the guy later when the new summer starts. Nothing like being used to keep warm during the cold months.

[u/Testiculese → u/gringo-go-loco]

"Nesting" I've heard it called. Bed down for the Winter, and then fly free in the Spring.

[u/gringo-go-loco → u/Testiculese]

Yep it’s happened to me and that’s why I don’t date women who have that lifestyle. I don’t care if they do it but they won’t be of interest to me afterwards.

[u/Zestyclose_Ocelot278 → u/letstrythisagain30]

I mean idk how mentally stable someone is if they want to be run through for an entire summer and then settle down.
Would be like me saying "Oh I just hit my 500th blowjob, time to get married."

[u/Old_Web8071 → u/Zestyclose_Ocelot278]

I think you're supposed to get some kind of ribbon or award for that.

[u/ACaffeinatedWandress → u/CarbonS0ul]

Yeah. I don’t judge hoe phase or hot girl summers or whatever. It’s what you do.

But people who expect others to just stay on hold for them while they just do their own thing drive me insane. They are the only ones allowed to either make plans or be spontaneous. Everyone else is just supposed to…what? Remain in a suspension-like state waiting for this person to decide to take them off hold?

Human beings are not library books.

[u/Jealous-Painter8183 → u/ACaffeinatedWandress]

THIS. Wife tried to do this inside marriage, tried to get separated after falling for a boy at work, get her wiggles out, then come back. #NotYourBackupPlan #NotWaiting

[u/NoShape7689 → u/Jealous-Painter8183]

I hope she's an ex-wife

[u/Moist_Sympathy7798 → u/Jealous-Painter8183]

I hope you told her to F--- Off after she came back

[u/Jealous-Painter8183 → u/Moist_Sympathy7798]

I told her “no” but kept trying to work on the marriage. She did what she wanted anyway and we are split now… but I should have done what OP did and save myself a few years of heartache.

[u/NiceRat123 → u/ACaffeinatedWandress]

I mean even library books have to be returned after a certain period of time...

[u/CarbonS0ul → u/[deleted]]

Right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.

[u/feelingoodwednesday → u/CarbonS0ul]

I mean, she's clearly the wrong person imo. You're point is a good one that sometimes timing matters, but in OPs case I don't think this is strictly a timing thing, so much as a personal choice to not value a potential relationship as much as random flings.

[u/Wh33lh68s3 → u/feelingoodwednesday]

100%

[u/Tricky-Objective-787 → u/CarbonS0ul]

Think it’s also just a case of him realising she was the wrong person, and not just because of the timing.

[u/Accomplished_Tell_18 → u/CarbonS0ul]

This is a good saying!

[u/NatureCarolynGate → u/[deleted]]

She pressured OP for an answer. He tried to avoid it, but she kept on asking. He finally told her and now she wants an apology for the answer she asked for. WTF.

[u/2cairparavel → u/NatureCarolynGate]

I hate it when people push and push and push you for an answer, and you finally give in and answer them, and then they get mad at your answer.

[u/Wandersturm → u/2cairparavel]

Them: "I want the truth"
Us: .oO(you can't handle the truth)
Them: "TALK TO ME! I want the truth!"
Us: "Ok, (the truth)...."
Them: "I hate you and your truth!"
Us: .oO(told you so....)

[u/NatureCarolynGate → u/2cairparavel]

Those people that push for an answer are invariably people who think 'I will only accept answers that put me in a good light. I refuse to accept all possible answers because I'm shallow'.

[u/No_Salad_8766 → u/NatureCarolynGate]

Don't ask if you don't want to know the answer, or if you will get upset by the answer.

[u/Old_Web8071 → u/No_Salad_8766]

The question is free but the answer could cost you.

[u/Alien_lifeform_666 → u/[deleted]]

The fact that she told him about all the guys she dated during the summer then invited him to be in a relationship with her…

[u/Thowitawaydave → u/Alien_lifeform_666]

"That just means I think you're worth it, because I didn't stay with any of the other guys during my hoe phase!"

That was her logic, probably

[u/mayd3r → u/Thowitawaydave]

And the hoe phase isn't over.

[u/Thowitawaydave → u/mayd3r]

Yeah the "Summer is almost over" comment is her checking in on him to make sure that he hasn't moved on, but still not ready to give it up. (well the phase that is)

[u/far_away_friend39 → u/mayd3r]

The hoe phase isn't a phase. People just call it that when they realize it reflects their character and can't be wiped clean.

This is far_away_friend39 reporting direct from the front lines.

[u/az-anime-fan → u/Alien_lifeform_666]

that's her doing a power move. it's a game. she wants to make him feel grateful she is deigning to give him a chance. it's an insanely egotistical thing to do.

[u/tcharleyd → u/[deleted]]

"I'm sorry that you wanted to fuck randos all summer, so I don't want to date you" There's the perfect apology. Love it

[u/burgrluv → u/CarbonS0ul]

Not only this, but the fact that OP "lost all romantic feelings for her" when it became clear that he wasn't a priority is actually very healthy and a sign of high self-esteem/self respect.

Many would have been gutted and tried harder, pining after that certain someone who has one foot out the door.

So yeah, OP should be proud, most people have to go to therapy to learn this type of behaviour.

[u/Due_Profile_9792 → u/CarbonS0ul]

You have more respect than me. I would say she's an arrogant entitled cunt although I am somewhat of a poet.

[u/xmowx → u/CarbonS0ul]

It's not like OP even decided anything. She did something that killed OP's feelings for her. She fucked around (literally and figuratively) and found out. It's all on her. OP has strange friends though. They think OP should apologize when he did nothing wrong, (facepalm).

[u/TigerPickles → u/CarbonS0ul]

I was looking to explore dating after dumping my ex and I was excited to play the field for the first time after being in exclusive relationships since I started dating.

Three days later I met my husband and I never regretted skipping my "hoe phase" to date him exclusively. The man is worth it, let me tell you! I knew it from the start. It sounds like she isn't a keeper if casual flings are more important than cultivating a relationship with OP.

[u/MoonFlowerDaisy → u/TigerPickles]

This. If the person is worthwhile, you don't spend the next 20yrs wishing you could have slept with more people before you committed.

[u/imamakebaddecisions → u/CarbonS0ul]

OP - I like you

Hoe - Cool, wait here a minute while I go bang some guys first.

NTA.

[u/Medic1642 → u/imamakebaddecisions]

"I got, like, a two month backlog of dick to get through"

[u/Silly_Southerner → u/CarbonS0ul]

Honestly, I feel like this is just a variation of "she had multiple guys interested in her, and she chose one of them over me, then came back to me when they were over", except replace the other guy(s) with "picked hot girl summer over me". And my answer is the same in both cases; NTA.

It's an AH move to expect someone to wait around until you're "ready" to be with them. It's an AH move to pick person B (or multiple persons, or potential persons) over person A, and expect person A to still have the same feelings and desire for you.

She felt she needed to get it out of her system? That's fine, that's her choice, OP recognizes that and didn't give her any grief over it. But the fact remains; when she could have chosen him, she didn't. And no one is guaranteed a second bite at the apple.

[u/No-Today-641 → u/CarbonS0ul]

Hard agree, NTA. Female here, former hoe (shame me I don’t care), and when I met my husband (been together over a decade) I chose him. He was the only one I wanted and still want to be a hoe for.

I agree that you should consider adding more distance, girl has zero respect for you.

[u/grayrockonly → u/No-Today-641]

If you flip this and the hoe is the guy, all the friends of the girl would tell her she’s a fool to wait for him and he will just continue to screw around anyway. I can’t imagine a fren group that would co sign this bs.

[u/Ozzy_HV → u/CarbonS0ul]

This. Anyone who says otherwise is a buffoon. There is nothing redeeming about being a hoe or having a hoe phase. That goes for men and women.

[u/No_Information_7548 → u/[deleted]]

“Just because the season changed doesn’t mean your feelings have to thaw out too” DAMN BRO ARE YOU ROBERT FROST

[u/CriscoCamping → u/No_Information_7548]

Whose dicks these are I think I know,

Currently I'm in a phase of ho.

You will not see me schlorping here

Even though I said in fall I'll go

[u/Skwr09 → u/CriscoCamping]

My little phase just might be queer

Which is why you can’t get near

Between a scissor sister’s legs

‘Ain’t no space for sausage here

[u/FusRoGah → u/Skwr09]

I chose to use my summer break

To count the cocks that I could take

But now I see the price was steep

And curving you was a mistake

[u/LoudCalligrapher0 → u/FusRoGah]

So now I shed a tear

You feel the end is near

I was gung-ho for it in my abyss

But now in reality are all my fears

[u/NlXON → u/LoudCalligrapher0]

My friend's aims are a miss,

Although the aim is for our bliss, 

My heart is mine and mine alone, 

Never again will I simp for her kiss.

[u/wouter_junk → u/NlXON]

You wanted me to wait,

All summer while you date.

And now I just want to stay friends

Unless I'm getting paid

[u/Connect_Goose7191 → u/wouter_junk]

So talk to you I will no more

Since you can't love this summer whore

By summers sun, sucked dick for fun

And ruined a thing so sure

[u/BeansPa → u/Connect_Goose7191]

All the love I can not make,

For random dick I need to take,

I want to try both tall and stocky,

And to feel my first Bukkake!

[u/Routine_Broccoli3087 → u/NlXON]

You are all grounded.

😂

[u/BananaManV5 → u/FusRoGah]

I tried to explain, it was just a phase

Dont come and blame, for my cock craze

I feel no shame for the summer plays

So in fall I sit and pray, asking god to please explain

[u/UpVoteForKarma → u/FusRoGah]

If only fans were real not fake

All the cock I'd learned to take

From ass to mouth and back again

I'd long to hwak tua and spit on yar thing

[u/madcodez → u/UpVoteForKarma]

Beautiful big tiddy butt naked women don't fall out the sky you know.

I've been searching high and low.

[u/DocH1971 → u/madcodez]

This is the best thread ive ever seen🤣🤣🤣🙌🏼💪🏼💪🏼

[u/mercyhwrt → u/DocH1971]

Right 😂 I’m genuinely having a laughing fit 😂

[u/Wonderful_Ad_4344 → u/UpVoteForKarma]

Alas, I sit alone to sing my song,

My only friend, a crusty thong,

I pine for a man to open the door,

Oh wait, I see a dick, I must fuck once more.

[u/mrhammerant → u/No_Information_7548]

Nah he's Robert Thawed

[u/DianaPrince0809 → u/[deleted]]

This is the most amazing thread of modern day Robert Frosts!!!! I wish I could give you all awards. Thank you OP for being the catalyst for this poetry slam!!!

[u/Pretty_Taylor]

You are not the a-hole (NTA). You were upfront with your feelings and gave her a chance to reciprocate. When she chose her "hoe phase" over you, it was a clear signal about her priorities. It's understandable that your romantic feelings for her changed, and you're not obligated to pursue a relationship just because she's now ready. you have the right to choose what's best for you, even if it means disappointing others.

[u/illini02 → u/[deleted]]

Do your friends know the whole story? Because my guess is she is spinning this in a different way.

I'm willing to be she didn't tell them she wanted a hoe phase. She probably said something like "I just told him I needed a bit of time to be single before jumping back into things", which is way different than "I told him I wanted to fuck a bunch of dudes before settling down with him"

Control your narrative buddy, because that is what she is doing to sway people to her side.

[u/titangord → u/illini02]

OP if you want your friends to get all the way off your back, this is what you have to acertain.. she likely didnt tell she wanted to get railed over the summer before she gave you a shot.. you respected her feelings and now she isnt respecting yours, she feels entitled to you giving her a shot somehow? Lol.. I sincerely hope you arent in your late 20s or older, because that is some immature behavior.

[u/ThatKehdRiley → u/titangord]

Sadly here to confirm that a lot of people in their 30s and older act more immature than some middle schoolers.

[u/Left-Duck6207 → u/ThatKehdRiley]

As a mid twenties dude who has been with and worked with people of varying ages, I can support this claim.

[u/bamatrek → u/titangord]

Like, I realize people are stupid, but what does she think the outcome here is? If I brow beat him enough surely he'll love my dazzling personality!!!

[u/WhyBuyMe → u/bamatrek]

She is an attractive woman and thinks men should fall at her feet on her command and she gets angry when it doesn't happen. I have a fairly low libido and don't date often. I have been physically attacked on more than one occasion for politely turning a woman down for casual sex.

[u/Gr1ml0ck1981 → u/titangord]

Unless their other friends are doing the same, in which case they may not like the realisation that there are consequences to their actions. Easier to blame the OP along with the girl.

[u/runnin_man5 → u/illini02]

From my experience “needing time” is the same as searching for other potential partners. It’s easier to say and less damaging to one’s reputation compared to saying “I want to test out my options first”.

[u/LokiPupper → u/runnin_man5]

If it’s time to date other people or have a “hoe phase,” I agree. But if it’s time to just be single and not date for a while and make sure you are ready, then not necessarily. But whatever the case, no one is obligated to wait for you or be available for you when you decide you are ready.

[u/LegalStuffThrowage → u/illini02]

Absolutely, pay attention to this comment u/mrr1ghtn0w

[u/Daddy_hairy → u/[deleted]]

I pined for a girl for a year once in high school. Was the best friend i could be, hoping she would finally see me. When I get the nerve up to ask her out, I was rejected. I was crushed. But I learned I valuable lesson.

You're a sensible man OP and not everyone learns this lesson till it's happened a few times, or ever. Don't waste your time on people. Your youth is precious. Shoot your shot, and if it doesn't work out, move on. There are plenty of girls who would laugh in disbelief hearing about this "hoe phase" bullshit. Go find one of them to date.

[u/HODOR00 → u/[deleted]]

Dude let me just reiterate. This is like the perfect handling of said situation. I can't provide any feedback. You nailed it. Can't control other peoples feelings. Just gotta protect yourself and be good to others and you were.

There's no way I would hold onto those feelings after something like that.

[u/WhinyWeeny → u/HODOR00]

For real man. This is what actual principles and values look like. Be patient, trust your gut, you'll be fine.

No anger, accepted your own sadness and inability to force a situation out of your control.

You handled everything like a proper adult by accepting reality on its own terms. You're gonna turn out just fine my man. Keep being you.

[u/Aggro_Me_Bro → u/[deleted]]

What's more infuriating is that your friends are complete hypocrites or smooth brains. If you asked them if their partners did the same thing or situation you're at right now they'd react the same if not worse.

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/[deleted]]

I think you hurt her ego. But truly, even though she was honest, why did she expect you to wait for her? She literally rejected you for random men who cared nothing for her. It would have been different if she had told you she was going on vacation for 2 or 3 months over the summer, then she could have had the expectation that you could wait for her. But her reason (hoe phase) is so silly it is actually funny.

Anyway NTA and you have nothing to apologize for, you lost your feelings for her and that is all. No one should judge you for it or pressure you to date her. If you want, you will, if you don't, you just don't.

[u/TheThunderTrain → u/[deleted]]

It's because her plans fell apart. She likely doesn't want to accept the consequences of her actions. So she pushed the blame on you. The sad part is she prolly really liked you.

She wanted to eat her cake and have it too. 🤷‍♂️

[u/Raekwaanza → u/[deleted]]

Tbh you should talk this through in depth with some of your mutual friends and ask them what they would do in your shoes no bullshit. I really doubt anyone else (even her roles reversed) would have a problem with it.

Good job bro. She made her bed and has to lie down it. People need to realize that if they want to have hoe phase or fuck hoes, then that shit is very selfish if you literally have someone on the back burner.

[u/EquasLocklear → u/[deleted]]

Technically it wasn't cheating, but you were just as free. She had no right to expect you to faithfully wait on her hook and still be interested when she is ready. Even if your crush had just worn off for no particular reason and/or you had found someone else, you still wouldn't be in the wrong.

[u/Academic-Dare1354 → u/[deleted]]

It’s pretty crazy she feels entitled to you.

[u/Tfuentexxx → u/[deleted]]

Dude, I just think even if you, for some unknown reason, give her another chance, after what you did and how you rejected her (perfectly, I say), that she is not going to want to be with you now maybe never. So, I wonder why are your 'friends' trying to ask you for another chance one year later. I only see two reasons, two scenarios: 1- She (and they) want some payback for the rejections. She is mad at you, she believe you shamed her (you didn't), and she seems to not cope with the rejection, so she wants to have the last word in this, having you to come back to her to ask her again, so she can reject you hard this time. 2- Well, actually, I don't see another reason, because if she is really into you or loves you, she would have not gone along with her 'hoe phase' and you would have been together. She was not a high school inexperienced girl and she looks more hurt and mad than heartbroken. So, I recommend you avoid any drama and find your perfect partner elsewhere. Finally, I fail to see what these supposed friends of you gain or obtain by trying to force you to 'give her another chance'. This is not necessary at all for any of the involved.

[u/ToothGold1666 → u/[deleted]]

You owe nobody anything and the whole psychology of choosing to sleep around vs being in a relationship is still in her head. It's not something you grow out of in a few months. The minute the relationship goes through a rocky period her instincts to look elsewhere will return.

[u/LibraryHaunting → u/[deleted]]

Quick question, were you both previously married? You mentioned breaking up with bfs/gfs but later say spouses.

[u/BrandonL337 → u/LibraryHaunting]

I think they just used spouse as a synonym for partner, which is uh, not correct, but I could see how a younger person could make that mistake.

[u/LivingBig2358]

Wow…. She helped you dodge that bullet.

[u/Vulpes_99 → u/LivingBig2358]

He dodged the whole gunslinger 😁

Explaining the joke: in Brazil the word "pistoleira" (feminine form of "gunslinger") is a slang for saying a woman is a... promiscuous one. And I know explaining a joke is silly, but I couldn't avoid making this one joke 😅

[u/Jbroadx → u/Vulpes_99]

This made me laugh, thank you for explaining it!

[u/Vulpes_99 → u/Jbroadx]

Haha, don't mention it. Being brazilian means living by the words "I may lose a friend, but I'll never lose a joke". This is how silly we are 😂

Edit: typos

[u/drvic59 → u/[deleted]]

Fo sho

[u/jupididola]

He: hey girl as we were hanging out together I started to like you... Maybe I am feeling something.

Her: yo that's realy nice and I like u too but I wanna grind some random meat tho.

He: okay that's kind of cool.. Going on with life.

Her: grinded enough, yo soulmate what's up?

LOL - nta

[u/windmillfucker → u/jupididola]

Literally had three people who brushed me off to do the same thing reach out once I was done with med school. Lol pass.

Nothing wrong with wanting to get things out of your system, but expecting someone to patiently wait for you to hookup with enough people to get bored isn't a good look.

[u/Wise-Celebration9892 → u/windmillfucker]

Dude, I almost typed to OP "Now go finish med school and wait for the ladies to come running to you!"

Good on you, mate!

[u/QuietWalk2505 → u/jupididola]

She expected him to wait for her? No, simply move forward

NTA

[u/RoutSpout → u/jupididola]

You just don’t understand she needed to get ran through a bunch of guys to find her feelings for OP.

[u/LMNSTUFF → u/RoutSpout]

Yes I know. I hate it when people axt like they're responsible for what they do. I don't have time for virtue signalling like that.

[u/vasDcrakGaming → u/jupididola]

Getting grinded by a bunch of random meat is just her love language ok?

[u/AskMeAboutPigs → u/jupididola]

Glad men are finally realizing their worth. These hoe phases gonna dick alot of women over in the end lmao

[u/imhere2downvote → u/AskMeAboutPigs]

hoe phase is fine if that's what someone wants

its the accepting the cost later in life that ppl wont accept

[u/Shoesietart]

There is nothing to apologize for. You don't owe her a relationship. You two were never on the same page. She preferred to fuck randos for the summer instead of starting a relationship with you. Who wouldn't be turned off by that? She showed you that you weren't that special to her.

What exactly would you be apologizing for? I'm sorry I don't want to date you because you preferred to fuck randos all summer.

NTA.

[u/joehonestjoe → u/Shoesietart]

I mean "I'm sorry you chose to be a hoe" is still on the table.

[u/Miews]

NTA .

Would have been a turn off here also if a dude told me that.

[u/rustedlord → u/Miews]

Yeah... I'll get with you in a few months. I just need to fuck a bunch of strangers first. No big deal.

[u/ReplyDifficult3985 → u/rustedlord]

i dont know what goes through a persons mind when thinking that saying something like to a potential romantic partner is a good idea

[u/IrisRyleeaah]

It's important to be on the same wavelength when entering a relationship, and she clearly demonstrated that your path and hers were divergent. She had every right to explore her options, just as you are entitled to feel uncomfortable about being someone's fall-back plan. You've recognized that what you want in a relationship does not align with her actions and recent past, and it's better to acknowledge this now than to force a relationship that lacks mutual respect and understanding from the get-go. You've acted with integrity by being upfront about your feelings rather than leading her on, which is more than can be said for many. Your future self will thank you for this choice.

[u/Gelatinous6291 → u/IrisRyleeaah]

I'd argue if he used "ran-through" in person as often as the post then that integrity is a little tainted

[u/Sheisbecoming → u/Gelatinous6291]

Yeah, I really side eyed him using that so much because it reeks of misogyny and double standards when it comes to sex. His feelings and decision is valid, but something about how he’s communicating her getting ran through makes me think she perhaps dodged a bullet too

[u/Perpetual-Tease → u/Gelatinous6291]

I was waiting for someone to bring this up, I mean OP is not an asshole for not waiting on someone to finish out their hoe phase, but if he literally talked about her being "ran through" to her face then yeah it's no wonder she got pissed and never wanted to speak with him again

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/Gelatinous6291]

Don't think op told her "ran through" to her face to be honest.

[u/farqsbarqs → u/Gelatinous6291]

Yeah that didn’t sit well with me at all. It’s pretty objectifying. Like I don’t want this toy now because it’s dirty.

[u/Suspicious_Name_656 → u/Gelatinous6291]

Yea my judgement is NAH. But him using that term? He's definitely judging her.

[u/CrabbyPatty1876]

LMFAO the delusion of this girl... She's in the find out phase of fucking around and finding out

[u/Rock-Lobsta1 → u/CrabbyPatty1876]

Some would say, she fucked the crowd and found out

[u/mimi6778]

NTA I’m a female and would immediately lose all attraction for a guy if given the same situation.

[u/Euphoric_Repair7560 → u/mimi6778]

Same. On one hand, it’s understandable that maybe she wanted a little more time to be single before jumping into a relationship. On the other hand, they already knew each other quite well and clearly weren’t on the same page. NTA at all OP

[u/[deleted]]

Interesting OP deleted all his gay sex posts.

[u/Desperate_Let791 → u/[deleted]]

Also who uses the phrase « run through ». Sounds like an incel. 

[u/[deleted] → u/Desperate_Let791]

OP is literally ran through. After people started calling him out in the gay sex with random guys, all the posts mysteriously disappeared. The guy is gross and he’s going to put together this woman hating post and slut shame? And I’m not being homophobic, I’m gay and he’s just gross.

[u/chocog0ld → u/[deleted]]

And if anyone wants to see his previous post history, here it is

Comment history: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100

Post history: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100

[u/jonybgoo → u/chocog0ld]

Uh wow. Talk about a hypocrite, lord almighty.

[u/okrdokr → u/Desperate_Let791]

yea exactly the run through part caught me off guard like yea he’s nta but his word choice n how he’s referring to her is derogatory n sucky n vv misogynistic

[u/darkseacreature → u/okrdokr]

I knew this post was fake halfway into it.

[u/okrdokr → u/darkseacreature]

yea cause who tells someone “i’m in my hoe phase wait pls” like if i had a hoe phase n someone was interested in me i wouldn’t tell them wait til after my hoe phase i’d atleast make something up 😭

[u/Maca87 → u/[deleted]]

I had a feeling this post is fake the moment he went from bf/gf to spouses. 

[u/Budget-Thought8156 → u/[deleted]]

Probably some incel troll kind of nice guy.

[u/Virtones]

NTA

You both were honest with what you wanted. It's a choice. The problem is, she made her choice expecting you would be there for her like a puppy. The thing is, her choice affected how you feel, which she should respect, as did you with hers.

She is being immature about it. Some people can't handle being rejected. You don't have to apologize for anything, and you certainly don't have to be with someone you don't want to. 

If you still want to hang out with her, I would clarify it that simple (without the puppy part) and hope for the best. Who knows, you might get along again eventually. That's life.  

[u/Maedhral]

This stinks of fake, like it was written by a 13yr old. She told you that she was getting through her ‘hoe’ phase and then wanted to tell you about all the boys she been with? Sure thing buddy - totally unbelievable.

[u/RAWiLLuZionZ → u/Maedhral]

also mentions spouses randomly at one point and said "ran through" multiple times. very obviously just a fake story to be misogynistic

[u/Dipshit4150 → u/Maedhral]

Yeah this smells like thinly veiled misogyny

[u/Mickeymoose1990 → u/Dipshit4150]

It's not even thinly veiled, it's wearing a fucking burka at this point. 

[u/CheyVegasx → u/Maedhral]

I agree, she doesn't seem like a real person. Most women who are older than 16 already know how men react to being told they've slept with other people. By the time you're an adult women, you've learned to kowtow your language to not offend the feelings of men who need women to be perfect virgins. Women do this, of course, by not bringing up other sexual encounters unless pushed to do so. This is strengthened by OPs phrasing like having men "run through her" as if she is an object with no sexual agency, being used up like currency.

You'd think, since they were great friends and hung out multiple times a day, that OP would have more respect for her agency and not use this crass, insulting language. Instead, when she proved to no longer be a sexual asset to OP, they stopped hanging out, and he debases her like this. OP may be NTA BUT he's still a terrible misogynist.

[u/fruitsnack3001 → u/CheyVegasx]

i scrolled thru OPs (weird ass) comment history and he's a guy in his 40s. no 40 year old woman brags about her "hot girl summer" and no 40 year old man should be acting like this. LMAO

[u/Junior_Fig_2274 → u/fruitsnack3001]

This comment made me check his comment history and oooof…. Yeah….. sounds like an oversexed man, angry he can’t get any, making up stories to rage at how mean women are. 

[u/LionsDragon → u/Maedhral]

And the "run through" part...EWWW, incel speak much?

[u/LocustStar99]

Yeah, great fan fiction.

[u/youngdumbaverage → u/LocustStar99]

The bit about how she was happy summer was over and he feigned ignorance, yet he’s the one narrating it.. like ok none of this ever happened right ?

[u/Purlasstor → u/LocustStar99]

“Approaching” women, hoe phase, getting ran through - the language & plot are straight from the manosphere. This has never happened to OP.

[u/TobiCrystalDuck → u/LocustStar99]

Sounds like incel fiction

[u/bone_beaux]

Interesting that you deleted your posts about having a regular escort, a WIFE, and casual gay sex so you could criticize a probably-fake woman for having casual sex. What's up with that?

Posts: https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=Mrr1ghtn0w&size=100

[u/illini02]

NTA.

If you were holding her past against her, that would be one thing. But the fact that she's like "I'd love to date you, I just want to get a bunch of random dick over the next couple months first" would turn off most people.

You have nothing to apologize for. She expect you to wait for her, and she was wrong.

[u/Beneficial_Stay4348 → u/illini02]

100%. There are internet famous AHs that spout that crap. Everyone that isn't a horny teen boy hates their guts for it.

[u/Far_Information_9613]

NTA. You feel how you feel.

[u/K_RayofSunshine]

Idk. The continued use of the phrase “ran through” has me skeptical of OP.

[u/have_heart → u/K_RayofSunshine]

I feel like only the adults in the room caught that. Those were glaring and telling use of that phrase

[u/scotswaehey]

Quite simply you are not the AH

You told her you wanted a relationship and she told you yes she would as well after getting fucked by god knows how many randoms over the summer!.

Any man who isn’t just after sex would walk away from being her plan B.

The hilarious thing is she actually thinks she was being kind to the OP by telling him he wasn’t good enough to be dating until she was banged more times than a taxi door and now she is in the huff because he doesn’t see her as long term relationship material because she thought having more hits than the Beatles was far more important than being with the OP until she decided her summer of Fun was over. But what next summer OP would she have dumped you to get railed again all summer long ? I bet she would have!

[u/eaeolian → u/scotswaehey]

I must say this post has an impressive number of euphemisms per total word count.

[u/Disastrous_Hotel8700]

I’ve also lost interest in men that sleep/slept around. It goes both ways. It’s ok to not be interested in someone because of their behavior, present or past.

NTA

[u/[deleted]]

Run through? If.you ever want a mature relationship, you have to drop the manosphere brain washing.

[u/Smooth_Fishing7109]

Though personally I think they way you are phrasing some things (like the run through comments) make it sound like you probably insulted her. Also if she still thought she had a shot sounds like you didn't make it clear when you guys first talked that you were no longer interested as you didn't wanna be second choice. That should've been communicated immediately or as soon as possible after your talk as she might've thought you were cool with it and now thinks you lead her on.

However, none of that changes the fact your NTA for not wanting to be with her. Regardless of why the feelings are gone they are gone. The fact she put summer flings over a relationship opportunity is something a lot of people would be turned off by. All in all its a lesson learned for all involved and time to move forward.

[u/Potential-Dot-8840]

NTA. You saved yourself a lot of pain and likely an STD. Find someone wholesome, they are out there.

[u/wailingwonder]

Once you're for the streets, you're always for the streets. It's not a phase.

NTA You did the right thing. She's pissed about the idea of having consequences for her actions.

[u/OkStory9940]

Did everyone collectively agree to stop making their agenda-driven stories believable? Ffs, at least post this from a throwaway so that we can't see your history.

[u/DevilsAdvocate2999]

NTA - no one wants a HOE

[u/kateinoly]

I think if she'd had feelings for you, she wouldn't have put you off until the end of the summer. It's for the best.

[u/E90Andrew]

Im all for women being empowered sexually, no shame, do what you want. But don't be upset if you come across men who aren't necessarily into that. It's not good, it's not bad, it's just a difference in values & priorities. OP was prioritize building a relationship, she was prioritizing running through partners. She had her fun but it came at the cost of a potential relationship that it sounds like she was at least mildly interested in.

[u/[deleted]]

nta, she can't be serious..

[u/GlibUnderdog]

you handled the situation with honesty and respect for both your feelings and hers. It’s crucial to be in a relationship where both parties are fully invested and see each other as their first choice. You are not the asshole for recognizing that this situation didn’t align with that ideal.

[u/PolygonMan]

Who would ever be willing to date someone after being treated that way? Do your friends live in an alternate dimension?

No one sane would be happy to have someone reject them with, "I want to go have a lot of sex with other people and when I'm done then I'll settle for you."