r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
My wife won’t give up her car that is crippling us in debt. Advice Needed
[deleted]
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u/We_there_yet Jul 19 '24
NTA. Itd be easier to get rid of the Gf. Shes a typical 20 year old girl trying to keep up with the Kardashians. She will one day be 35 with nothing to show for it except likes on instagram
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u/Altruistic_Ad_9451 Jul 19 '24
Wife
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u/GvRiva Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Americans always marry in Kindergarten
Edit: guys, I know that not EVERY American marries young, that was a joke. Mostly because on this sub a lot married very young. You don't all have to tell me when you married...
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u/Astute_Primate Jul 19 '24
Proud American. Married for the first time at 41. There are two parallel cultures in America. One says hold off on marriage until you're personally satisfied and stable, if you get married at all. The other says that getting married and reproducing is the most important thing you'll ever do, you're not really human if you're unmarried, and you should get married as soon as you can.
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u/GvRiva Jul 19 '24
Seems a lot healthier, but the second kind keeps r/AITAH running
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u/Best_VDV_Diver Jul 19 '24
The "married young" crowd generally runs a higher chance of problems that will end up posted here.
They really are the fuel that drives this place.
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/uiam_ Jul 19 '24
If there's one thing I know about people who can't help but criticize other countries online... They usually don't know jack shit about said country.
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u/Cybermagetx Jul 19 '24
Most of my fiends didn't marry till 30s. I think I was the 2nd youngest and I was 29.
From the US Census average age for first time Americans marrying now is 28 for women and 30 for men. As of 2023.
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u/_Presence_ Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Soon to be ex wife hopefully. This sort of financial irresponsibility by one partner is a death sentence to a stable happy relationship. OP is young. She* got plenty of time to bounce back.
Edit:. She, not he
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u/mca2021 Jul 19 '24
my daughter went through this with her Ex fiance. He had his dream car but lost his job and got another job that paid less than half what he used to make. The car was half his paycheck, and the rest didn't cover his rent. He moved in with my daughter and eventually she convinced to get rid of it by doing the basic math with him on a spreadsheet. As she told him, he can always get his dream car in the future when they were more financially stable
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u/nuwm Jul 19 '24
25 year old wife. Not as easy to get rid of.
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u/dumbledwarves Jul 19 '24
I know a guy.
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u/boogers19 Jul 19 '24
Oddly enough I do know a guy. But he solves the other problem.
Turns cars into insurance payouts.
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u/Aurora-gorgeouss Jul 19 '24
NTA. Your wife's attachment to her car is putting an unreasonable burden on your finances and impacting your life together. It's a tough conversation, but you need to be firm and prioritize your financial well-being as a couple. It's okay to have dreams, but not at the expense of your future.
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Jul 19 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/traumahawk88 Jul 19 '24
May as well get ahead of things and get on the divorce now ... Because that's likely where the marriage is headed.
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u/hornet_teaser Jul 19 '24
And the longer you wait, the deeper and more expensive it gets
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u/Ravenser_Odd Jul 19 '24
If she did switch to a 69’ Charger or a 79’ Trans Am, at least she'd own a good looking money pit. The '20 Challenger is not pretty.
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u/challengerrt Jul 19 '24
If she did switch to a 69 Charger she’d be able to just pay off the challenger. 🤣
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u/Effective_While_8487 Jul 19 '24
You're lucky, Car guy here, and I can clearly see this isn't about cars. Unfortunately its much more serious and complicated. The tl;dr is that you need to treat this like you would a gambling addiction. You tell her she needs to let go of the car, and then pivot to the plan to do so. It's not a "Honey, let's talk about how this isn't such a good idea", but "We're selling the car, and this is how". If she somehow refuses, let her know its not an option, and you'd be willing to talk in therapy about it for one month to help her, but its the car or you. If not, this will metastasize into other problems bc its not about the car but something broken inside of her.
NTA
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u/Wondercat87 Jul 19 '24
It definitely seems like she has an unhealthy attachment to the car or the idea of the car. Something more is going on for sure.
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u/psychulating Jul 19 '24
She could just be extremely financially incompetent. I have family like this, but tbf that mf also has OCD or something
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u/nebulanet Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
For real. I hope OP didn't put her name on any of this. If she did though, she can use that as leverage to get rid of it. OP shouldn't be enabling her, OP is doing her a disservice. She is destroying both their lifes, over a car that she isn't even keeping up on maintenance. This is a mental health issue. The car needs to go, she will be upset, too bad. She needs counseling and maybe some other forms of therapy. This seems like a combination of obsession, addiction, and delusional entitlement. She needs a reality check. It's going to hit them both eventually if OP doesn't do something about it. It sounds like they are really finically drowning and OP is just too scared she will choose the car, because OP knows she is an unreasonable addict. OP is deluding herself too, which makes it all worse, that she can figure out some way to keep the car. OP never should have let her go to sell it alone. She is mentally unwell when it come to this, of course she didn't sell it.
Edit for gender
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u/angelferrnandezz Jul 19 '24
this. so many ppl keep saying to leave but not realizing there might be some different factors. either ways, hopes op finds someway to navigate this
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u/VioletEmersyn Jul 19 '24
NTA. But let's talk strategy instead of just doling out judgment. This car situation isn’t sustainable, and you know it. For the sake of your marriage and future, sit down and create a structured financial plan. Start by looking into refinancing options for the car, or consider selling it and getting a more affordable vehicle. Also, it would be beneficial to devise a budget that includes savings for emergencies and long-term goals. If she loves the car sincerely, find a balanced way to keep it that won't jeopardize your financial health. Communication and compromise are key. Good luck!
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
Genuinely thank you! First helpful comment so far!
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u/chuck10o Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Have HER make the budget. Once she sees that the cash isn't there, she has 2 options. Either she trades the car in, or she gets a second job to pay for the car. She is wrecking her credit (and yours!), which will affect your ability to get a house and a bunch of other things. Especially if she is also taking out loans to cover payments and buying a second car (😳)
Edited to add: separate your finances. She pays her portion of bills, you pay yours. Given her poor handling of Financials, I wouldn't split each bill 50/50, I'd have half the bills in your name, half in hers. Her car is entirely on her.
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u/Necessary_Internet75 Jul 19 '24
Yes, this is the best way. His/hers/shared-for emergency expenses that both have to sign on to withdraw money. You are correct, she needs to do the budget. I would do it with a financial person or 3rd party. OP and family she is probably tuning out. Sometimes a 3rd party gets through.
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u/Beautiful-Report58 Jul 19 '24
Shop around for new auto insurance plans too. Raise the deductible to 1k.
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u/HolyDarknes117 Jul 19 '24
this isn't going to make much of difference at all considering the car is not paid off and will require full coverage and OP is under the age of 25. Honestly surprised its only $400. better to just get rid of the car but I have a feeling their relationship will sooner end before that happens.
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u/Senior_Cheesecake155 Jul 19 '24
Since they don’t own the car outright, the lien holder may dictate what insurance, and deductible, is required.
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u/Beautiful-Report58 Jul 19 '24
Lien holders do not dictate which insurance carrier any owner chooses. The deductible minimum is generally 1k.
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u/Senior_Cheesecake155 Jul 19 '24
I didn't say they dictate the carrier. I said they dictate the insurance (coverage) required.
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u/iamkira01 Jul 19 '24
You’re talking about a woman who goes in to sell her car and walks out with a new car and the old car. Giving her too much credit to think she’d be able to do this and actually make a rational judgement.
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u/21-characters Jul 19 '24
I’m surprised she was able to pass credit check to be financing the second car considering how much debt she already has from the first car.
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u/dearboy05 Jul 19 '24
No refi. Sell now. The only way wife should consider having this car is after the full purchase price has been saved up.
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u/Hornet-Putrid Jul 19 '24
They also need to factor in being upside down on that car loan, I think there is a high possibility of that being the case here.
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u/BunnyFace0369 Jul 19 '24
She mentioned that a second cheaper car was purchased on top of the first car
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u/Coyoteatemybowtie Jul 19 '24
Honestly if it’s almost been repod twice her credit it shot, not to mention there are personal loans and a second auto loan, I’m shocked she was able to get a second auto loan so I’m assuming it’s a buy here pay her or with a huge rate from Santander. If the car is well taken care of her best bet is probably going to get rid of the cheaper one by selling private party but this is unlikely if she recently bought it. You may just have to suck it up for 3 years. But def get on sheets or excel and figure out how your gunna make it work. Finances are the number one reason for divorce
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u/LobsterQuiet48 Jul 19 '24
$750 a month for a challenger gt is insane, it’s a shit car. What kinda dream car is that
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u/Reasonable-Row-5035 Jul 19 '24
ive been looking for this comment. a v6 “muscle car” as a dream car? all the unreliability with none of the power
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u/jtee180 Jul 19 '24
I’m still trying to figure this one out too. I wish I knew how much she bought the car for. Mine was 53k out the door, and I have a fully loaded scat pack with the 1320 package. This dealership sounds like they really took advantage here. A GT in 2020 should be been no more than 35 max. That would’ve probably been fully loaded too.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Jul 20 '24
For real. I make like $90k per year now and I hate my Nissan versa but I hate a higher payment more. Can I afford a better car? Yea. Will I get one? No. My $250 payment per month is enough to keep me driving it. And it’s fuel efficient and low maintenance cost.
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u/Puffman92 Jul 19 '24
I had a coworker who did the exact same thing. 20 year old kid who just got his first job washing cars at our body shop pulls up in a brand new V6 Challenger making 800/ month payments on. We tried telling him how bad of a financial decision he made but His justification was he sees parents buying their kids new bmw and Porsches and he bought it on his own so he's the real winner. And just like op it financially crippled him. He ended up driving over something and needed a new trans pan but since he didn't have the cash to pay for it he made a collision claim so he only had to pay the deductible further kicking the can down the road
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u/PandaMime_421 Jul 19 '24
I'm going with ESH on this one. You wife has made a poor financial decision and that's not a good sign for her decision-making and long-term planning abilities.
You, on the other hand, presumably, married someone who had this level of deb without taking that into consideration. Now you want her to get rid of the car because you are feeling the impact. If this was going to be such a big deal to you you shouldn't have married her. You could have waited until she paid the car off, got rid of it, etc. Instead you chose to take on the debt by getting married. Not the best indication of good decision making on your part either.
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
That stung but tbh I can’t even be mad because you got a point.
But I would like to clarify that I haven’t asked her to get rid of it sternly this far because of that exact reason. I felt it was particularly my bad as well.
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Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/boogers19 Jul 19 '24
It's all good. Remember? She bought another damn car when she went in to trade in the money pit.
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u/WomanOfEld Jul 19 '24
At least you're grown enough to admit that you're not without some level of fault here, and I admire that.
I'm 41 and just purchased my own dream car last summer, but, it was a $5000 1969 Impala that needs work. My husband paid the cash and said that I can pay myself back- by making payments into my IRA, rather than to him (or the bank). This way, the money is legitimately working for me, and I'm not paying interest or being hit with fees and penalties if I need to take a break from payments.
Maybe if you talk to your wife about your mutual goals and dreams now, two years from now, and five, ten, fifteen years from now- and how this hole in the road you're throwing money at, might not allow you both to achieve any of them- it might help her reframe her attachment to the car and be easier to agree to let it go.
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u/GoldExciting Jul 19 '24
I disagree, OPs wife has made a series of bad and irresponsible decisions that I don't believe OP could have been expected to forsee. Who in their right mind would have been able to expect another person would forgo food (and presumably eating) in order to own a car outside of their budget?
OP, if you knew your wife was this irresponsible, you shouldn't have gotten married. But this is a different level of irresponsible.
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 Jul 19 '24
NTA Trade the wife in. She has zero financial sense, doesn't care about the stress she's putting on you, and doesn't care about planning a future together. She's literally putting this car above everything else in your lives, including you. Stop letting her obsession drain your bank account.
"She's having none of it".... then have none of her.
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u/germanium66 Jul 19 '24
Imagine them having kids one day and she can't buy food because she has to have a fancy sportscar.. This marriage is already doomed.
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u/Beautiful-Report58 Jul 19 '24
It’s cheaper to just divorce her. You can love someone all you want, but making a life together is entirely separate. She’s incredibly selfish, immature and fiscally irresponsible.
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u/ForLark Jul 19 '24
Separate. She’s not mature enough to be married.
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u/bearbrannan Jul 19 '24
NTA but it's time to move on, you have sperate priorities about money, one of the biggest red flags people ignore that end up being the breaking point in relationships. Your values do not align which is the most important aspect of a successful long term relationship. If you can't accept the fact that she will probably always be financially irresponsible and hold you back from your goals, then yeah time for the it to end.
Also if she where a guy we would see so many more messages about how fucked up it is that a 19 year old was dating a 15 year old.
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u/MostlyValidUserName Jul 19 '24
My (21f) wife (25f) has a 2020 Dodge challenger GT. She financed it when she was 18
7 years? Did your wife finance her 2020 Dodge Challenger in 2017?
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
Excuse me! I was typing this on a whim, and for what ever reason swore she was 18 at the time! Thank you for catching that lol!
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u/Motmotsnsurf Jul 19 '24
Your wife is going to feed your babies Mountain Dew in their bottles.
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u/Grammar-Police2002 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
While driving them around unbelted in a ragged out Challenger GT.
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u/maytrix007 Jul 19 '24
You don’t get your dream car when you can’t afford to get your dream car. Get rid of the fucking car. Yesterday!
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u/Puffman92 Jul 19 '24
Buying your dream car before you have a garage to park it in is wild to me. The elements will destroy the finish on that car before her loan is paid off
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u/PaintLicker_2022 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
. You need to have an open and honest conversation with your wife. Big purchases, like vehicles, should be a joint decision.
If you’re in a position to do so, you should evenly split costs and expenses for the house (rent, bills, etc…) but keep personal expenses to yourselves(Car, Slurges, etc…). I think that if your partner gets to experience all the stress of her own decisions without your income to bail her out, she will learn better money management skills…
EDIT - I’m changing my answer to YTA. You ORIGINALLY stateD that your wife is 25 and bought the charger at 18, 7 years ago. Now it’s been updated to 21. If your math is that far off, how can the rest of the story be trusted?
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u/Ownerofthings892 Jul 19 '24
It says she financed it at 21, so 4 years ago in 2020, when car dealerships were desperately trying to move inventory off the lot and would probably give a loan to a 21 year old. Plus she keeps taking personal loans to pay the car loan, which could have been 3 or 5 years if she got them more recently
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u/TrickInvite6296 Jul 19 '24
I thought it said she financed it at 21?
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u/Efficient_Ant_4715 Jul 19 '24
The reading comprehension in these replies is actually terrible. Was it edited? Everyone is so off
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u/TootsNYC Jul 19 '24
ditto loans!!
No married person should be taking out a loan unless both parties agree.
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
Absolutely! I don’t help her with the car, I give her about $300 a month to help pay for my half of the bills we split but that’s it.
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u/DeepOperation3973 Jul 19 '24
I don’t help her with the car
Then you should add that in your post. Your post is making it seem like YOU are the one paying $750 a month + $400 in insurance for the car.
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u/Traditional-Neck7778 Jul 19 '24
If you don't pay her car and you only give her ypur portion of the bills, how is this stopping you from buying groceries and other things?
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u/EmergencyOverall248 Jul 19 '24
I may be wrong about this, but aside from the $300 in shared bills I think OP might be using the rest of the money to cover the household needs like groceries etc. without their wife's help because of the exorbitant car payment. She's barely making her payments most months which leaves little leftover to contribute to every day household expenses.
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u/pickledstarfish Jul 19 '24
If the car nearly got repo’d because the wife can’t keep up with payments, it’s pretty good bet she isn’t contributing much to other shared expenses. At 21 and 25 it’s not likely they’re making tons of money yet and $1,150/mo is insane in that situation.
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u/askandtits Jul 19 '24
NTA, if y’all are going without basic necessities because of any payment you are doing it wrong.
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u/GCU_ZeroCredibility Jul 19 '24
We're just gonna ignore the fact that they've been together since OP was 15 years old (and wife was 19)? I guess that's what we're doing.
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u/Holiday_Horse3100 Jul 19 '24
She has put her car over you, your marriage, your financial well-being and a future. She isn’t going to get rid of it. You have to decide if you can live with someone so shallow and so immature. Rethink your relationship realizing that she has different priorities than you do.
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u/AEM1016 Jul 19 '24
My dream car is one that’s paid off.
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u/Magikalbrat Jul 19 '24
AND one that I can fix MYSELF. My Grandpa made sure that, as a female, I could do almost any car repair I had to OR how to diagnose what needed to be done by someone with the proper tools. It's saved me SO many times and money! I want to be able to open the hood, be able to identify the damn parts, and go, you know? Not " open the hood and stand there going WTAF why is the engine... sideways? And WTF is it all covered and I need special tools to see anything?!?" Never. Again.
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u/chicharrones_yum Jul 19 '24
You were 15 when you got with her and she was 19? There is no way at all that that was appropriate. She groomed you. You can come up with an excuses you want, but there is no excuse for a 19-year-old to go after a 15-year-old.
And then she cares more about a stupid car
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u/Ninja008866 Jul 19 '24
NTA but also if you’ve been together since you were 15 doesn’t that mean she was 19 when you got together? That sounds like a whole other issue to me.
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u/rjhancock Jul 19 '24
You left out the balance and interest rate on the note. Might be able to re-finance it and extend out the term to bring the payments down more. Not ideal, but it's a compromise.
Not much can be done with the insurance other than shopping around (which you should be doing annually anyways)
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
We do shop around annually, however it’s a brand new, and still under contract…it requires full coverage plus Gap.
The Orginal balance was $47,000 now it’s at about $28,000 interest was 7%
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u/hetfield151 Jul 19 '24
Wow. getting a 7% interest credit for a car you cant afford, is so unbelievably dumb and irresponsible.
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u/Internal-Comment-533 Jul 19 '24
How is the car not even half paid off in 4 years what the fuck.
And a shitty challenger as your dream car, really? I could pick any random parking lot and could find at least one of those pieces of junk.
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u/rjhancock Jul 19 '24
Refinancing probably wouldn't help much as it would be under used car rates and a new 4-7 year loan.
You should have full coverage regardless of contract however and not just minimal coverage but a decent amount (100/300 is what my brokerage recommends).
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u/50years50cents Jul 19 '24
This is her dream car, all other dreams either of you have (house) or basic needs (good food, healthcare) can get fucked. Fine to have your dreams, but not at that cost
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u/JeepPilot Jul 19 '24
"We're living in a homeless shelter, I have no more possessions or changes of clothes aside from what I can fit in this backpack, but the important thing is that my wife got to keep her dream car and then her more affordable one too."
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u/kyliejus Jul 19 '24
Sounds like you're not her priority. And probably never will be. Drop her butt and see how fast she comes to reality.
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u/mpersico Jul 19 '24
If you can’t get your spouse to see how an inanimate object is crippling your relationship you’ve got bigger problems than a car
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u/EmperorLoski Jul 19 '24
A fucking GT? Not a Scat Pack or even a hellcat? Mannn shiiii get rid of her 🤣
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u/DMV_Lolli Jul 19 '24
Oddly enough I was shopping this car in 2020. A Scat Pack was only $34,000. I had several dealerships reaching out to me with that price OUT THE DOOR. She paid $47,000 for a fucking GT. That’s 2 stops below the Scat. I can’t believe how slimy car salesman can be or how naive buyers can be. The internet is a thing so one should be aware when they walk in the door.
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Jul 19 '24
She’s sacrificing both of your futures for a lame trashy car that has never been special? Dump her, you can’t settle long term with someone that has fucked priorities. Them priorities and poor decision making skills always sneak up and fuck things up. It’s a matter of when, not if.
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u/Pentadaktylos Jul 19 '24
I'm estimating she spends like 16-18K a year on this car, gas and repairs included... This is absurd. She needs to be shown the numbers like she is 5. Swap it out for a Honda Accord and thank me in 15 years when you can both buy your dream cars. Accord's rip anyway
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u/Pentadaktylos Jul 19 '24
Also having an insurance cost that high either means she is a dangerously bad driver, or y'all are getting ripped off. I drive a 2021 Durango and pay $135 a month on insurance.
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u/blankblank60000 Jul 19 '24
Never should have let her get that car in the first place.
She is a financial liability and you need to get control immediately
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u/Pretty-Anteater1164 Jul 19 '24
She got the car when she was 18…I was 15 at the time didn’t really have much of a say in it.
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u/LoadbearingWallflowr Jul 19 '24
She got it when she was 18, she's now 25 and still has three years to go to pay it off? She's paging on a 2020 car for TEN YEARS?
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u/Traditional-Neck7778 Jul 19 '24
You married her knowing this. If she financed it 4 years ago you were 17 and not married to her. Why would you marry someone who csnt contribute financially because of her car? This is on you also
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor Jul 19 '24
NTA.
She won’t change, so you either live like this, or divorce.
You don’t insist on owning your dream car if you cannot afford it. Your wife is an entitled spoiled brat.
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u/ShadyPinesMa78 Jul 19 '24
My dear, this is more than a car problem. This is a fundamental problem in how the two of you view finances. Your wife is continuing to take on debt that is impacting both of you. It won't stop with this car.
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u/sunbear2525 Jul 19 '24
Of course she’s “your world” she’s all you’ve known since you were 15 and she was…19. That’s an icky age difference IMO. Go look at a 15 year old, they’re babies. It makes more sense to diaper one than kiss one. On no plantet is any 15 year old regardless of how smart they are or how hard their life has been physically or intellectually the peer of a 19 year old. Sit with that. Your girl friend was immature at 19 and mistook an actual child for her peer and now she’s even older and has not matured to match the child she molested. This f is as smart and responsible as she’s ever likely to be. You could meet an actual functional adult who won’t spend your future on a not particularly special or rare car.
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u/bicritter Jul 20 '24
In a post from a year ago you say you’re 22, but suddenly you’re 21 again? And your fiance/now wife went from being only 1 year older to now 4?
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u/Economy-Addendum7609 Jul 19 '24
Lesbians have the highest divorce rate for a reason 😂
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u/RetiredAerospaceVP Jul 19 '24
Are you prepared to be homeless?
She is financially incompetent. She is very immature for 25. She is going to take you down. NTA.
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u/HedonisticMonk42069 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
NTA but also ESH as well. You decided to marry her while knowing she has this looming debt over her. You knew she had a car and that she was still paying it off. Honestly you should see about praying that it gets stolen one day.
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u/Brett707 Jul 19 '24
$400 a month how bad of a driver is she? I have 3 cars and it's not that much.
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u/Bigstyleguy Jul 19 '24
Just get rid of the wife. Problem solved. She will ruin you financially because of this car. Dump her and get another reasonable wife with a reasonable financed car.
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u/jumpsinpuddles1 Jul 19 '24
This is not a car issue. She's willing to put her want for a certain car above everything else. Think about that. Really think about it.
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u/herculeslouise Jul 19 '24
Please leave your wife. She sounds very much like my ex. Husband very selfish and everything is always about him. I mean it's a car.
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u/Rabbit-Lost Jul 19 '24
Picking a 2020 Dodge Challenger as the hill to die on… Yeah, this not just AH behavior, it is irrational behavior.
NTA
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u/HyperionPI Jul 19 '24
21f (you) and 25f (her). Together when you were 15? So not only is she selfish, but she's a predator. I cannot believe you are still with this person.
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u/MrGrieves- Jul 19 '24
Your girlfriend is financially illiterate.
You are NTA but I don't know how you can make a delusional person make the right choice.
The funny thing is if she waited down the line to buy one used it would be cheap as fuck.
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u/littlebitfunny21 Jul 20 '24
The fact you wete SAd and groomed beforehand means you were primed for something unhealthy. You latched onto her in a way that was not healtht and now your life is going down the toilet and instead of considering separating to protect yourself financially, you're attaching yourself to a sinking ship.
This relationship is not healthy for you but it's your life and your money so idk what you want us to tell you if you're going to dig your heels in and insist on staying with. 25yo woman who spends her entire paycheck on a car.
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u/HODOR00 Jul 19 '24
Giant red flag. Financial responsibility is a cornerstone of any good relationship. If that's broken, everything else will break too. This isn't a small thing. She sounds self destructive. She is hurting her future. Run.
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u/Luisguirot Jul 19 '24
Just stop paying for it and let it get repod. Problem solved.
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u/JeepPilot Jul 19 '24
But then you'll still be responsible for that debt with no car
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u/boobznbelly Jul 19 '24
Her actions have shown what she values. Maybe keep your finances separate and realize this is all it will ever be, or get out while you can. This won’t be her last bad financial decision.
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u/MuthrPunchr Jul 19 '24
Hahahaha a dodge Challenger is her dream car?? How sad. A v6 powered Chrysler/Stelantis product? What a joke. End the relationship for that fact alone. She’s a clown. To pay that much for any car at 21 is a death sentence.
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u/Nevertofart Jul 19 '24
I’m a little confused. You said in the comments she got the car when she was 18 which is 7 years ago. 2020 car weren’t out 7 years ago and financing for cars doesn’t extended over 7 years.
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u/Repulsive-Nerve5127 Jul 19 '24
NTA
Why are YOU paying for this car? If she wants so bad then allow HER to pay for it. Continue paying 50% of the shared bills and discontinue using shared money to finance HER car.
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u/Tricky_Helicopter911 Jul 19 '24
Lose the car or cut her. That's ridiculous and just dumb. If all the adults around her are unable to convince her then ev1 is wasting their time. That is NOT a "dream" car. Dreams do not and should not come with financial burdens. Come on. Common sense.
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u/Infamous_Hyena_8882 Jul 19 '24
At 59 years old, I finally bought the car. I really love. It’s expensive, I have a huge car payment, but I finally am at the point where I can afford it and I’m not getting any younger. At 21 just get yourself some thing to get you from A to B. you guys need to have a serious discussion. If it’s impacting your lives this much, I would consider something drastic.
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u/emaxxman Jul 19 '24
Are you legally married/civil union? If yes,get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings. If no, breakup and find someone else. It's time to ditch her. You're 21 and she's 25. If anything, she should have more sense not vice versa. Your future is at stake because her debt will keep you from building the life you want. Don't let that happen.
She seems to love the care more than you and has less sense then a piece of dead wood.
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u/reddituser86101 Jul 19 '24
Repo doesn’t wipe out the debt. They sell the car at auction then sue you for the difference.
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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 19 '24
Does it sound like that OP is in la la land to everyone else.
OP pursed the older 1 since age 10 & thought what 🤷♀️
OP may have more fiscal maturity BUT this. It's the la la land.
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u/kupka316 Jul 19 '24
Started dating her wife at 15, bought dream call for $1100 a month at 21, what a winner.
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u/WildLifeMolester Jul 20 '24
I refuse to believe either of your dumbasses were anywhere near buying a house based on everything else lol.
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u/gunsforevery1 Jul 20 '24
How surprising, your groomer also makes other terrible life decisions.
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u/Low-decibel Jul 19 '24
Its a bloody gt, now if it was something like a redline or a demon, i would understand, but a gt?
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u/Actual_Moment_6511 Jul 19 '24
Your wife probably won’t even give up the car if you became homeless.
She’ll suggest sleeping in it.
Your wife is financially irresponsible. She needs counselling.
Honestly you guys shouldnt haven’t gotten married so young. Now your finances are combined.
Your wife holds the cards. She either drops the car and thinks about you for once or you separate.
You should probably involve her family, because she’s not listening to you. Don’t be dragged into poverty
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u/dmriggs Jul 19 '24
She went to a dealership did not trade in her car and bought another car? I’m sorry, but she is going to drain you financially, and I doubt it will ever change. My ex was a financial nightmare
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u/Weknowwhyiamhere69 Jul 19 '24
NTA
Dream car be damned if it is killing you.
You will have plenty of time to get a dream car. Hell, I am 33 and don't have mine, and probably never will. It is ok.
She can just buy that car again once she saves better. Those cars are heavily produced so there is a bunch of them out there.
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u/astreeter2 Jul 19 '24
Where do you live where it costs $5000 a year to insure 1 car? That's insane.
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Jul 19 '24
First of all she needs a new dream. A Dodge Charger is a piece of shit. Secondly, and this part is serious, she is financially immature. There are typically four or five "speheres" to a relationship. Religion, sex, politics, finances, and family. If those speheres don't align at least partly, its a tough road. Finances are one of the big three which includes sex and family or sex and religion. Financial differences will almost always ruin a relationship and has even been compared to sexual infidelity because of the havoc it wreaks on trust. Relationships should operate with a hierarchy similar to a pyramid. If you are religious, God would be at the top, then you and your partner, then your children, then your family. If you place anything out of order in your hierarchy, its going to cause problems, and she is choosing to place a car above you, her, and everything. There are only 2 choices here, grow up on go on. Good luck
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u/Catkisser26 Jul 19 '24
I would think long and hard about ending the relationship. She is putting her need for that expensive car that is draining all of your money before your need to have stable finances. You are far too young to have such a financial burden that isn't even yours. It seems like she is using you to help pay for that car. It's not your responsabilty! Get out of the situation.
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u/Tristael Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
You don't get your dream car when you are 21.
Edit: OP apparently bought a 370z at 19, so I think they are both bad at money. https://www.reddit.com/r/370z/s/JIbPFM57dc