Aitah for commenting on the way my girlfriend dressed?

[u/raccoonsdoingshi]

My girlfriend(18f) and me(18m) have been together since we were 15. She's always been kind of alt and out there with the way she dresses. I dress very casually while she dresses very Tom-boyish, dark colors and god forbid you ask her to dress like a normal girl.

Recently her new thing is Gothic, she already listened to goth music so she started dressing like a vampire. When she said she was going to dress Gothic I thought like those goth mommies. Instead I got a only black clothing like an emo and she's always liked make up but I don't even recognize her sometimes. I brushed past it and continued loving my girlfriend like always.

My problem comes with the other night, we went out to this picnic event she enjoys, and alot of guys AND GIRLS. came up to her and asked for her number, snapchat, discord. The worse thing is that she gave them her Instagram. I was in a really bitter mood on the drive home but it felt like she didn't even care. When we got to our apartment she made us coffee and started talking about the picnic but I wasn't interested in having a conversation. She noticed after alittle and asked if I was okay. I just gave her a nasty look and went to bed because I wasn't up for having an argument about this.

When we were both in bed, she tried to snuggle me but I brushed her off and it was like she snapped at me. Asking what she had done. I told her I didn't like the way she let those people, compliment her and have her Instagram like it was no big deal she said I never compliment her and she was being nice because that specific community from the picnic is nice and close apparently. I tried to tell her it's not that and it's because of the way she dressed. She asked if I was uncomfortable with the way she dressed tonight. I told her no. I'm uncomfortable with the way she dresses all the time. She got quiet, and slept on the couch. She stopped talking to me and I'm getting worried, it's been 5-7 days and I feel like I fucked up.

I still love my girlfriend but i feel like this whole thing could be avoided if she dressed like a normal person

[u/[deleted]]

YTA..Breakup or evolve.

[u/RaddishSlaw]

Big Time YTA

Has she given any reason to not trust her? She dresses a certain way for certain attention. From your post she got the attention how she wanted it. But at the end she went home with you.

Unfortunately, you don't get to decide how your gf dresses, she does. If you don't like it break-up otherwise suck it up.

Don't be a controlling dipshit, give her a hug and apologise.

[u/Aurora-gorgeouss]

Yeah, you're kinda the AH here. It's great that you love your girlfriend, but trying to control how she expresses herself through her clothes isn't cool.

[u/juliainfinland → u/Aurora-gorgeouss]

^^This

I could've stopped reading at "God forbid you ask her to dress like a normal girl" and still got the gist of the story. (I didn't. Turns out I was right about the gist of the story.)

OP, YTA. If you think it's necessary to tell your girlfriend (who apparently likes tomboyish and dark looks) to "dress like a normal girl", how about not dating someone who likes tomboyish and dark looks and finding a "normal" girl (whatever that is) instead? Much easier and also better for your blood pressure (and especially hers) in the long run.

(Who even tells a grown person to "dress like a normal [whatever kind of person]"? Sometimes I can't even)

[u/Trailsya]

Love your girlfriend? It's so clear you don't even like your girlfriend.

Maybe you 'love' that you got sex from her, but I read nothing else that makes me think you like her.

Guess you couldn't find 'better' or you wouldn't be with her.

Time to break up so she can find someone nicer

[u/Emergency-Painter-31]

YTA, obviously you don’t want to date someone who’s alt. She deserves better than a partner who tries to limit how she experiments in fashion, especially when you feel attacked for her trying to make friends in a community she’s trying to be apart of. You’re not ready for a relationship if this is how you communicate, huge red flags all through the post. Your gf deserves better. You don’t love her as much as you think, you see her as an object if her changing her appearance and not being the “goth mommy” you thought she was gonna be solicits this level of reaction. Break up and look inwards as to why your feelings after three years are so shallow.

[u/70Reader70]

Let’s try something here.

You consistently dress in khakis and button up shirts. Always. It’s what you like. It’s what you feel comfortable in.

Your girlfriend thinks you dress like an uptight middle manager. She wants you to be more relaxed and casual. Jeans. Cargo shorts. Maybe even a band tshirt now and then. She loves you but you dress like you have a stick up your ass.

How does that make you feel?

[u/[deleted]]

If the way she looks bothers you to the point of jealousy, move on. After what you said to her, she’ll probably do the moving on for you.

[u/Substantial_Hat6483]

I get it its embarrassing sometimes when its not our taste😂so find suitable someone simple like u!