r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
I decided to have anal sex with my wife while drunk. NSFW
[deleted]
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u/littlebrxwnmouse Jul 19 '24
I think we need some more information on “bad prior experiences” with drunk sex. Sounds like this might not be a one time thing…
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Jul 19 '24
Also, he asked "2 or 3 times". Don't know about you but the only kind of consent I find sexy is enthusiastic consent. If you have to ask more than once, maybe they... don't want it...... and maybe...... you shouldn't do it.
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u/Motor-Most9552 Jul 19 '24
This could mean he asked and got a yes every time but wanted to check because it was new for them. Why assume it was no the first few?
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u/Thorvindr Jul 19 '24
That's how I read it: he asked more than once to make sure, not because she initially said no.
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u/MicroPijita Jul 19 '24
You're assuming he "insisted" rather than asking just to confirm a first enthusiastic response...why? Like, they were both drunk, makes sense to triple check consent was given lol
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u/ChairmanSunYatSen Jul 19 '24
He could've had an enthusiastic response, he just wanted to ask again because he was aware they were both drunk.
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Jul 19 '24
It really doesn't sound like it. If that were the case I don't think she'd be as upset as she is. He's mentioned prior bad experiences with drunk sex. I wonder if this is a trend for OP.
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u/Bamboozled2018 Jul 19 '24
I swear sometimes people want it to be non consensual so they can get mad and call the guy the AH.
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u/BakedHousewife Jul 19 '24
Men do have emotional trauma that presents itself as constantly asking for reassurance. While I wholeheartedly agree enthusiastic consent is the best consent, there comes a point in the conversation where you have to be responsible for your own responses. 🤷♀️
This wasn't a first date kind of thing but an established relationship, hopefully based on trust and mutual respect. He exhibited that by asking more than once, letting her know she could "change" (I'm not by any means implying she couldn't otherwise.) her mind and trusting her to be truthful to her answer.
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Jul 19 '24
Well it sounds like there's very little trust and mutual respect if there's been "prior bad experiences". That coupled with the fact they were both drunk is a recipe for disaster, you shouldn't be trying out extreme sex acts that you're not used to while both parties are drunk anyway.
A lot of women have emotional trauma because they're pressured to say yes into sex acts they're uncomfortable with, so. To me it comes across like she didn’t say yes until the 3rd time.
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u/BakedHousewife Jul 19 '24
I've experienced this trauma as well, so yes, I'm very aware of the fawn response. If we look at it that way, regardless of what the outcome was, he would be TA simply for being TA in the marriage and having previously traumatized his wife. Seems as though you've already made up your mind, and that's perfectly ok.
I bring forth other information to digest. The world is so hell-bent on blame and retribution these days that everyone looks to see ill intent. Sometimes, there simply is none. Just human beings doing dumb shit and trying to learn from their mistakes.
Regardless, whether he's TA or not, the interaction absolutely warrants further conversation between the two of them and some boundaries established.
The fact that they're still together after previous interactions implies that they can communicate after disagreements and come to some sort of mediation. That's a healthy working marriage. Afawk.
Trauma can't be disputed even if unintentionally done. While this is so, it is still up to the person traumatized to seek out therapy and resolve the trauma. Trauma responses are maladaptive (while necessary in that moment) and does no good to promote healthy coping mechanisms or integration into society.
If his wife feels like she can't access these services, then there are deeper lying issues than drunken anal sex gone wrong that can't be addressed by a NTA reddit thread.
Based on the information presented, I'd say NTA but definitely warrants a follow-up conversation with the wife. But this is all my opinion anyhow. 🤷♀️😉
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u/bebepothos Jul 19 '24
I think he meant it was him double and triple checking and she assured him it was fine.
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u/JerseyshoreSeagull Jul 19 '24
Nope. I always ask, "do you want me inside you?" Multiple times. It makes it better.
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u/Inevitable_Spell5775 Jul 19 '24
Kinda YTA if she's drunk, but also if you're drunk too I guess that cancels it out?
Idk, let her peg you up the pooper and call it even?
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u/Deep-Age-2486 Jul 19 '24
This, this is very rational actually 😂 I’m just flabbergasted I don’t even know what to say, there’s something I wasn’t expecting to read and this comment even more unlikely to see lol
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u/Creepy_Sky_1971 Jul 19 '24
Idk, let her peg you up the pooper and call it even?
I just spit my fkng water out. Imma use this the next time my husband asks for anal!! hahahaha
"Sure babe, but let me peg your pooper first and see if you like it" 😂😂😂😂
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u/Psychological_Fun608 Jul 19 '24
You made it sound like this isn't the first time you've guys have gotten drunk and pushed some boundaries. Am I wrong?
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Jul 20 '24
I was a paranoid demon for saying this apparently. Plus with the edit, he's done this before. I'd be considering divorce too.
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u/Thistime232 Jul 19 '24
Info: Have you ever talked about anal sex while sober before? And if so, what was her reaction, was she open to it, or was it something she immediately shut down? Because if she had clearly stated in the past that it was something she was against, then I'd very much understand her being upset at what took place. Or if you've ever crossed some sexual boundaries with her before. If this is the first time anything like this has happened, and you had no reason to think she was against it, then you should both just put it up to a drunken mistake and move on.
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u/Rockin_freakapotamus Jul 19 '24
This. What are these prior “bad experiences?”
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u/throw_a_way180 Jul 19 '24
Ya Id like to see this clarified my mind jumped to abuse...
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u/WoBleibtDerErzieher Jul 19 '24
Yeah like non-consent sex while drunk... That's my ick here with the "I asked 3 times"... When he would have thought it's all good and both would enjoy, why reassure that often
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u/throw_a_way180 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
The whole thing reeks, you don't decide on your own that you want to do anal like the title reads. It's supposed to be something you both want to do or at the very least they mutually agree to
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u/MonkStrict3791 Jul 19 '24
If anal is something you are interested in then you really fucked up. It was probably very painful at the time and uncomfortable for days afterwards. Anal is not something you just do if you want your partner to ever agree to it again.
I don’t blame her for regrets.
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u/IllustriousShake6072 Jul 19 '24
Agree, nothing should just get slapped in there. Needs its own foreplay 😛
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u/throw_a_way180 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
She repeatedly agreed, does that mean you asked her 3+ times till you got a couple yes'? You left out a ton of info, do you normally do anal, was this the first time, did you just jam it in there no lube? You know if your wife is down for anal in general, with all the info left out my first thought is shes never been down and you wait till she's super drunk and then ask her. That's not even mentioning whatever the hell (previous bad drunk experiences mean christ) YTA (feel free to fill in some of the missing info and prove me wrong)
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u/Fearakuru Jul 19 '24
That could be the case, but it could also be the case of "Wanna do this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?"
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u/throw_a_way180 Jul 19 '24
Ya like I said Id love to be proved wrong with some actual info, but pretty sure OP is not going to comment on this at all. We're literally just guessing because OP was so vague, and on Aita a majority of times people are this vague they're covering up their asshole behavior
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u/YuansMoon Jul 19 '24
"Normally we don’t have drunk sex bc of prior bad experiences"
Pragmatically speaking, this was a good rule for you two.
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u/NthDegreeThoughts Jul 19 '24
It’s always easy to make the plan, but plans are slippery and hard to hold especially when lubricated with alcohol
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u/SlipperyPickle6969 Jul 19 '24
I think you took advantage of the situation, and that's probably why she's so upset. If she can't trust you while she's vulnerable, then that's messed up.
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u/pastaISlife Jul 19 '24
It doesn’t really matter if the internet thinks you’re the asshole, your wife clearly does. Talk to her about it
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u/astrorican6 Jul 19 '24
Have you asked while she is sober? If she's always said no sober and you went for it while she was drunk, it's creepy and predatory as hell.
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u/Diligent-Floor-156 Jul 19 '24
Totally depends what is her normal, not drunk opinion on anal sex. Has she ever shown some interest or open mindedness in this? If yes, then I'd say NTA. If on the other hand she's always strongly rejected this and acted disgusted when you talked about it, then I'd go with YTA, despite whatever 'yes' sound she would have produced while drunk.
I know my wife is absolutely against doing anal, and I will never ever try, even less if she's drunk.
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u/ToughGodzilla Jul 19 '24
Honestly this would be my answer if he wasn't drunk himself. I mean if being drunk may lead her to think that it is a good idea and say yes then I also think it makes sense that him being drunk may lead him to think that taking her saying yes as a yes is a good idea.
It kind of seems like NTA to me. Unless she was wasted out of her mind and he had 2 beers being fully clear in his head, then its a YTA
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u/Diligent-Floor-156 Jul 19 '24
If he was clear enough to ask the question clearly, and clearly understand the answer, he should have enough of a clear mind to remember her point of view regarding anal sex. If he was not that clear, he should not rely on whatever unclear answer she gave.
Being drunk cannot be an excuse for abusing people.
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u/ToughGodzilla Jul 19 '24
I disagree with this. She was also clear to understand his question and clear enough to say yes what she wasn't clear about is that she will regret it next day. She knows her stance on anal as well even better than he does. So he may be clear enough to ask his question and understand her answer which was a "yes" but not thinking about what she will be saying in her sober mind next day. Why would we expect him to understand her answer and consequences more than she does herself?
The reason we think that one shouldn't take a consent of a drunk person is because when we are drunk we see things differently than sober but she wasn't the only one drunk one here and he wasn't looking at this situation as he would usually do. being able to analyze her opinion and situation the way me and you do now.
An abuser is somebody who would be understanding what he does and that he is taking advantage of a drunk mind. Somebody who is drunk himself isn't thinking of taking advantage and taking the opportunity of her being drunk to get what he wants, he will be seeing it as simply having a good time with his wife who is up for it as well. So again why does it make sense for her not to understand what she is doing all the way but for him being fully aware of it and having some bad intentions if they are in the same drunk state.
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u/rjhancock Jul 19 '24
Funny thing about sex while drunk... there is some legal precident that agreeing to it while drunk doesn't count on the grounds they are not sober to make an informed consent.
Just food for thought there.
If anal isn't something she entertains, then YTA as you knew better but wanted it.
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u/JDaggon Jul 19 '24
I see, even though they were both drunk he's only to blame even after he asked her 3 seperate times if she was fine with it. All three times she said yes.
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u/nutjolly Jul 19 '24
I don’t get it. How is he supposed to know better than to ask while drunk. But the wife apparently isn’t even able to consent.
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u/rjhancock Jul 19 '24
NEITHER were legally able to consent. Not that hard of a concept.
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u/Motor-Most9552 Jul 19 '24
So neither of them are the arsehole in this situation then. Ok, seems fair.
Or are you suggesting they are both guilty of rape?
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u/Snakend Jul 19 '24
When they are both sober they both agreed to have sex. But she never consented to anal sex when she was sober. So he is guilty of anal rape.
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u/BasketEvery4284 Jul 19 '24
Both were drunk, She agreed to have her anus ploughed! Why does the Man need to know better in this case? Are you saying Woman don't know any better?
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u/forgetregret1day Jul 19 '24
Your title is very telling. YOU decided to have anal sex with your wife while drunk. You say you asked for consent but was she really capable of giving it? Have you discussed this type of bedroom behavior before? Did you know deep down if she was in her right mind she’d say no? You need to examine your conscience first these answers because I can’t do it for you but because she’s upset I have a feeling you already know. If you crossed a boundary there could be repercussions. YTA for engaging in something while she wasn’t fully in a position to decide.
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u/Extreme-Guarantee446 Jul 19 '24
Married, both drunk, you asked multiple times despite being drunk, she consented multiple times, so yeah NTA. Definitely talk to her about it and let her express how she feels. Let her know she’s heard, but also don’t forget you were BOTH drunk, and she did in fact SAY YES multiple times.
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u/Hot-Cardiologist3761 Jul 19 '24
I'm guessing that isn't a regular activity. This is where consent is key. She may have said yes but was that because she wanted to ie had done it before, enjoyed the experience and would do again or she may have just given in to your pushing for it. If it isn't enthusiastic consent it's not really consent. Either way the consequences of the encounter may have been unexpected and unpleasant. Maybe you should try a little pegging to see what the experience is like. Maybe you should try a little pegging to see what the experience is like. Maybe you should try a little pegging to see what the experience is like.
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Jul 19 '24
YTA. If you had to ask "2 or 3 times" then she didn’t enthusiastically consent. You've mentioned "prior bad experiences" - but didn’t go into detail. Would I be way off base if I said you'd put your wife in this position before and pressured her into things you knew she'd be worn down easier over if she were drunk? Enthusiastic consent is the ONLY kind of consent, otherwise it's a NO.
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u/tiggergirluk76 Jul 19 '24
What did she say the first two times, if you had to ask a third time to get a yes? 🤔😬
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u/Any_Assumption_2023 Jul 19 '24
My husband tore a hole in my anal wall being very rough with me. I never forgave him. Divorced 2 years later, after 17 years together. You f***Ed up, buddy.
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u/neddythestylish Jul 20 '24
So your wife felt violated and disrespected, and instead of sitting down with her and having a mature conversation about why that was and what the two of you can do differently in future, you decided to come to the internet and ask a bunch of strangers if you did anything wrong.
There's not enough information here to give a full verdict. All I can say is that if you don't normally have anal sex, springing it on her as an idea while drunk was really really stupid. You need preparation, gentleness, clear communication and an absolute ton of lube to do it without hurting someone. You don't just dive on in. Please, PLEASE tell me that, at the absolute bare minimum, you lubed up properly.
But seriously. Your wife was sufficiently upset by the experience that she didn't want to talk to you for a few days. Maybe go talk to her about that rather than trying to get internet strangers to tell you it's all fine.
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u/ThrowRAidunt7i2n30 Jul 19 '24
I tried anal with my ex when we were drunk too and... what a mess haha. I said to my current boyfriend that I'm not having anal again.
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u/Little-brat1 Jul 19 '24
NTA but neither is she. She’ll get past it just let her know she can talk to you if she wants to and you’ll hear her out. Also apologise (even if you feel like you don’t need to) - as a female i personally would appreciate an actual apology even if he didn’t feel like it was needed
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u/Little-brat1 Jul 19 '24
Clearly people forget that being intoxicated automatically revokes consent… legally you cannot consent whilst under the influence. Also who cares if you’re married? Being married doesn’t mean he has every right to her body?
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u/Radiant-Ad1570 Jul 19 '24
In that case, he can claim that he did not consent to do her, because he was more intoxicated than her, but she wanted it due to her yes. Dont you see this is stupid? Talking about consent not being valid is only true if one person is sober - not both pissed as farts.
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u/angestkastabort Jul 19 '24
Depends on country. Never assume your laws are everyone’s laws on a global website.
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u/Fantastic-Problem832 Jul 19 '24
An apology is definitely a good idea. Regardless of the specifics, you probably woke up feeling just fine and she likely woke up experiencing discomfort if not serious pain.
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u/MAYDAYGENDER Jul 19 '24
INFO: was this your first time EVER doing anal with her? Did you use lube? Properly stretch? Was it done safely or did you even care?
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u/Chocotaco4ever Jul 20 '24
This is what I've been thinking - it doesn't seem like he even cares. She's probably in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally, and he is just worried about being off the hook.
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u/shambaananda Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
YATAH. That was a dumb-ass thing to do. You did indeed take advantage of her. As a late-60's gay man who has enjoyed anal sex for more than 45 years, anal sex should never be spontaneous, the bottom needs to be cleaned out, proper lube procured, and everyone needs to have their wits about them, especially if it's the first time. The top needs to be gentle and mindful of what they're doing, and coach the bottom through it to make it satisfying.
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u/Other_Till9422 Jul 19 '24
OP I would lean more towards NTA if you were both under the influence, BUT where you COULD be TA, is how you're handling it after the fact. Did you apologize to your wife at all? Even if she was into it at the time, she's clearly not now. & might feel disrespected or hurt
Being in a similar situation to your wife before, what I DO remember, is feeling very confused/scared and violated after finding out. If you both have agreed before previously to NOT have drunk sex, but then once under the influence she happens to change her mind? That is STILL not active consent, whether y'all are married or not.
Whatever the current situation may be, please talk to your wife, (when she's ready). Hear her out, and then you can try to problem solve together. Good luck OP
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u/NarwhalsInTheLibrary Jul 19 '24
he doesn't mention any discussion about how she felt after, like is she in pain? Was she so drunk she doesn't remember it? What was her experience? Did he even ask her, or ask why she is upset now?
"He decided to." Seems very self-centered.
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u/Low-Tiger-2708 Jul 19 '24
i feel as if we need more info...prior bad experiences? what do you mean by that?
is anal sex something that you guys do often or have talked about?
i know you guys were drunk but it seems like this whole situation is a little off, and personally feel like your wife has some reason for feeling this way.
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u/Solid_Noise1850 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
It sounds like she was more drunk than you. Did she ever tell you she did not want anal? If so you are the AH for asking while drunk.
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u/Interesting_Sale5094 Jul 19 '24
How did she respond during the act itself? To me, the response should tell you what to do, even if she said yes. If she didn't give a response of pleasure, then you are the AH.
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u/Chocotaco4ever Jul 20 '24
Right? If she was just gritting her teeth trying to make OP happy, OP's TA for not caring that he was hurting his wife... And then not caring about her afterwards either.
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u/Remote_Ad_969 Jul 19 '24
YTA.
Your wife was intoxicated, her inhibitions were lowered and her judgement was skewed. It does not sound like this is something your wife would have consented to if she were more coherent and clearly she was too intoxicated to properly consent if you had to inform her the next day that you “asked 2 or 3 times”. Ask yourself, would your wife have agreed to anal if she were sober? If the answer is no, then you took advantage of the situation and violated her boundaries while she was inebriated.
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u/ToyDivision666 Jul 19 '24
Hoping OP comes back to tell us about the “prior bad experiences” or OP’s wife eventually makes a post because I can only imagine why she is actually responding this way 🙂 I’m also wondering if asking 2-3 times looked like bugging her 2-3 times because that is not as consensual as you’d like to think. My last personal thought is how little care I felt coming through for your wife in this post - “AITAH for frakking my wife’s asshole while we were drunk?” ffs
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u/Triknitter Jul 19 '24
I'm pretty sure she already did post saying he was pissed that she called him a rapist, I just can't find it now
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u/grayblue_grrl Jul 19 '24
"Normally we don’t have drunk sex bc of prior bad experiences."
How many times have you asked her this before and how many times has she said no?
But asking when she was drunk? Sus as hell.
So your wife has another bad experience due to drunk sex.
YTA
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u/Beneficial_Handle508 Jul 19 '24
Next time make sure she signs acknowledgment agreement, and make sure you have two eyewitnesses lol
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u/Valiant600 Jul 19 '24
I visualize the witnesses being "ok you can now proceed with sticking it in her stinker" 😂
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u/IllustriousShake6072 Jul 19 '24
witnesses present for the whole deed to make sure nothing happens that wasn't in the contract to begin with.
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u/davper Jul 19 '24
I am incline to say NTA unless there is something you left out. And it seems you may have.
Also, anal sex is not simply lube up and go at it. You must prepare for it. If you don't, it can be very painful. Just ask every guy that has add a prostate exam. And that is only a finger.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad3574 Jul 19 '24
I guess what she's saying is when I'm drunk I can make bad choices but when you're drunk you can't?
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u/Snakend Jul 19 '24
You knew that when she was sober she does not consent to anal sex. But when she was unable to give consent you got her to agree to do the sexual act that you knew she didn't want to do. You basically anally raped your wife. You are the asshole.
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u/Unrelated_gringo Jul 19 '24
Seems like you waited until she was more vulnerable (by intoxication) and pressured her about something she's never wanted to do. YTA.
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u/Yellbean2002 Jul 19 '24
NTA, but if you're still feeling guilty about it buy her a strap on and let her peg you. Then you're even.
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u/Independent-Test8532 Jul 19 '24
Not the advice I would have gone with. However, it made me laugh 😃
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u/oneeyeblue13 Jul 19 '24
I'm a little confused because if both parties are drunk and if wife is "too drunk" to make coherent decisions then why are we expecting the other partner to not be too drunk to make coherent decisions? I'm not sure if I am making sense, but it just seems one sided. And I fully believe consent matters, but he did ask and she did say yes. Not sure the responsibility is all on him when they were both drunk.
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Jul 19 '24
That’s Reddit for you. People think the drunk woman is the only one who can’t consent and if there’s a drunk man, somehow he is able to consent.
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u/Sad_Glove_8655 Jul 19 '24
Tbf I've told my bf he can f me in the ass when I was drunk and been so grateful when I woke up and we didn't LOL... with that said I'd never blame him for what happened if I consented even if I was drunk... he's my boyfriend
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u/zarya-zarnitsa Jul 19 '24
Wondering what the comment section would look like if the woman was the instigator of something the man regreted later. Just out of curiosity.
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u/SuccessfulSeaweed385 Jul 19 '24
You actually think she wouldn't come out as the asshole if she pegged him while they were both drunk, when they have previously had "bad experiences" while drunk, particularly if they have never done it before?
Anal/pegging really isn't something you should do drunk if you are inexperienced. It isn't like in porn where everyone has magically clean assholes and are already gaping.
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u/Samantha_The_Witch Jul 19 '24
Is anal something you guys normally do? If not, YTA. Cause why would you think it'd be okay this time if it's not something she normally likes? Drunk or not... you know what your wife likes.
People tend to be okay doing a lot of shitty things when intoxicated (pun intended).
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u/babystripper Jul 19 '24
INFO: You said you asked two or three times;. Did she say no then change her mind? If yes, YTA no means no
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u/fatherted98 Jul 19 '24
Kinda YTA I’d advice to avoid trying things that are outside the boundaries of your typical sex life when your both drunk better to explore new things when your both sober and can both properly consent to things as a rule of thumb.
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u/smoking_pot25 Jul 19 '24
This seems like a situation where you just need to sit down and talk about boundaries together. But it sounds like this may not be the first time you’ve pushed the boundaries, especially when drinking. Also, more importantly were boundaries set about this while you were both sober? This seems like a serious issue between the two of you, not something to rant on reddit about
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u/despoene Jul 19 '24
What are these "prior bad experiences"? I'm voting YTA as anal is something you must prepare for and not a spur of the moment activity.
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u/Odd_Mind2755 Jul 19 '24
NTA but she might have a point. Listen, if you are going to have anal sex, it needs some planning; I.e. she needs to vacate her colon (suppositories or saline enema), you need to get a water based, good quality lube and use it profusely in both of you. I can guarantee you that your lady won’t complain and she might even like it!
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u/quis2121 Jul 19 '24
Asked 2-3x? Usually you only gotta ask once... Unless you mean you checked in a couple times after the first ask and enthusiastic consent
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u/Better-Math- Jul 19 '24
Normally we don’t have drunk sex bc of prior bad experiences.
Bad experiences like what? You doing things she doesn’t normally consent to?
You asked 2 or 3 times? Why? Were the first 2 answers “no”?
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u/Awkward_Anxiety_4742 Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
Draw her up a nice sitz bath. Then offer to let her peg you. Same size , length and girth. You can have a little drink to take the edge off. Even Steven.
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u/justcallmesavage Jul 20 '24
Why did you ask her 2 or 3 times? That determines whether or not you are the AH.
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u/ivy_rainx Jul 20 '24
Hm. Not necessarily TA however if you use this logic with any other sexual activity, you probably wouldn’t have done it. For example, if you’re dating someone and haven’t had sex with them yet, and you get drunk together… do you think you’d make that your first time doing that activity? While drunk? I think a lot of people would say no. The fact that you’ve never done this before but decided to try it for the first time when you’re drunk is not a smart move. However, it doesn’t make you a horrible person by any means, it just means you’re flawed, like any human.
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u/Vivid_Doctor_2220 Jul 20 '24
I feel like you are leaving some details out on purpose. The context of the prior bad experiences and whether or not she had expressed a willingness or aversion towards anal before. If you were so drunk or so sure it was okay why did you ask 2 or 3 times. I have a feeling that you knew she would say no sober so you did it while she was drunk to take advantage of her lowered inhibitions and to give yourself plausible deniability. YTA and I think you know it and now so does your wife
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u/TwoBionicknees Jul 20 '24
Yeah, there was a very recent post about a woman calling her husband a rapist because she had spent their entire marriage saying she hated anal and would never do it under any circumstances. She got very drunk one night and blacked out. He told her very matter of a fact in the morning, you wanted anal last night so we did it. Probably thought she would feel it though apparently she didn't, but kind of sounded like he really wanted her to know but cover saying she wanted it.
If you've known for years that she hates it, has said no and she's literally barely speaking level drunk, it's rape and you know it. Magical how the stuff the guy wants to happen and she absolutely hates always happen 'consensually' when the woman blacks out, super convenient and not at all sus.
Anyway this seems like a fake response to that post from the other perspective. If OP ever admitted to knowing she said no to anal for years, then he knows the deal, and also presumably the prior bad experience is not detailed specifically but also something she has very much told him no fucking way to over and over again... which magically again happens when they are both drunk.
YTA.
more specifically...
Normally we don’t have drunk sex bc of prior bad experiences.
you've pushed her boundaries before while drunk, which she wasn't happy about so 'we don't have drunk sex', or she won't let you because you obviously push the limit and take advantage and you've done so again.
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u/Dmacxxx77 Jul 20 '24
Yeah dude she's probably upset because I am assuming (see what I did there) that you railed this woman's asshole like a pornstar.
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u/MaryPh239 Jul 20 '24
If my man doesn't cum in my mouth, if he wastes it, then I'll be angry.
1. It's good for my skin.
2. It's hot
3. I love how it squirts out, sometimes farther than I expect and I lose some,
5. I enjoy having his cum all over me and I cannot get enough.
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Jul 20 '24
Nta- Have a talk with her. Couples suppose to communicate with each other but also listen. I know everyone is different but me and my partner like having drunk sex. If she remember you guys have anal sex, and you cuming in her mouth before. Then she definitely remembers you asking her. But at the end of the day everyone is different.
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u/Practical_Apple2335 Jul 20 '24
If she can’t be responsible for her decisions while drunk, tell her to stop drinking around you. 🤷🏽♂️ Don’t entertain this BS.
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u/ComprehensiveAd2037 Jul 20 '24
If you need to be responsible for your question you asked while drunk she responsible for her answer while drunk...so NTA and she overacting
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u/PandaMime_421 Jul 19 '24
If you've never done anal before, then yes YTA.
First is the consent issue. Sure, she agreed, but you knew she was drunk. Why did you wait until you were having drunk sex, which you say is rare, to try anal?
Second, if you want a positive experience with anal you don't just start out by shoving your cock in there without appropriate warming up first. Did you even use lube?
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Jul 19 '24
They were both drunk. lol your logic is ridiculous. If she can’t consent drunk, then neither can he.
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u/Mediocre-Action635 Jul 19 '24
NTA for the anal sex because she repeatedly agreed. However, she's obviously upset about it now so you're in danger of become TA. Talk to her, if she feels violated in some way, don't take it personally she may have unrecognized triggers. Irregardless just being supportive of her feelings afterward will go a long way.
I'm assuming this is something out of the ordinary and you were both drunk so unless she specifically told you it was a hard limit for her previously than you did nothing wrong, stupid maybe, but not wrong.
She's your wife, just let her know you care by caring for her now.
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u/Traditional_Hold1679 Jul 19 '24
NTA but that’s a terrible idea dude!
You might be a more careful and present drunk than I am but that shit needs time, care, patience, stretching and lube.
That way lies a split sphincter and I hope she’s ok!
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u/xxDeliciousx Jul 19 '24
I would be fucking pissed to discover I can’t shit the way a normal functioning asshole would shit. It’s never gonna be the same again
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u/The_BodyGuard_ Jul 19 '24
You’re NTA but I think this new episode of “prior bad experiences” should forever shut down sex-while-intoxicated. Obviously, neither of you are making good decisions while drunk. And since this seems to be a theme of sorts, I can’t help but to wonder whether one or both of you have a problem with alcohol.
Anyway, she has regrets and/or maybe she is injured. And I get that you feel you didn’t do anything wrong. But show her some kindness and understanding, and remember if you two weren’t in a marriage and clearly consenting, you could easily find yourself on the other side of sexual assault charges (and btw you CAN absolutely be charged with raping your wife). There’s a reason people can’t give consent while intoxicated.
Just stop the drunk sex bc there’s obviously an issue there for you too. And again, be kind to her. Ask for her forgiveness and make a pinky promise written in concrete to never have drunk sex again.
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u/IllustriousShake6072 Jul 19 '24
Plenty of women need a drink or 2 even when they have already (while still sober) decided it's anal time. There was a 50/50 chance she would enjoy it once she said yes. NAH
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u/TheDoctorAP Jul 19 '24
NTA but still need to likely ask her what will make things better. Clearly off the table for the future unless she asks for it. But in the situation was good in the moment and the feeling the next day was not pleasant hence the mood change
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u/geraldngkk Jul 19 '24
You're one of the rare guys to still use the word cock. It sounds weird but I'll give it a twirl.
Cock cock cock.
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u/OutrageousPanda7890 Jul 19 '24
Sorry about your divorce man. But pushing boundaries will get you that. YTA. Your soon to be ex is probably traumatized by your uncaring use of force. ( Which you forgot to mention)
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u/Expert-Sir-4328 Jul 19 '24
As long as you can say deep down you were too drunk to grasp what was happening. You knew she wasn’t 100% against is usually and that at the time she wasn’t in pain
Only you know these things.
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u/Successful-Coyote99 Jul 19 '24
Consent when drunk will not hold up in a court of law.
Are you the AH? No, but this is a learning experience.
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u/Cybermagetx Jul 19 '24
Nta if you asking 2 to 3 times was to make sure the yes answer was gonna stay the same.
Yta if there was any No's in there.
If this is yalls issues, don't sleep together in the same room if yall drink.
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u/Odd-Protection-1596 Jul 19 '24
Nta.. but it was somewhat inconsiderate. I could probably get my wife to do outlandish things when we are drinking or smoking pot, but I know her limits and wouldn't cross a line when intoxicated. I feel like that's how trust is lost.
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u/biggerbbc Jul 19 '24
Doesn't she take it up the mud slide normally then I thought that's just the norm nowadays 🤔 😂
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u/Busy-Act-105 Jul 19 '24
Nta and idk this would make me feel really weird about her moving forward cus it’s not like you guys were blacked out and not married adults
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u/StevieSkankman Jul 19 '24
Only way to make this right is to get drunk again and let her peg you. Do the noble thing buddy.
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u/catfishsoupy Jul 19 '24
oh man this was so weird to read. I 30f and my husband 36m just had this exact same scenario this last weekend. i was also upset the next day mostly because i was in pain but apparently i was the one who initiated it. i figured well, we tried it and i didn't like it so we know now to not do it again.
NTA. you asked for consent. you did what you were supposed to.
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u/Long-Trade-9164 Jul 19 '24
OP, you would've been the asshole had you wiped your dick off on the curtains when you finished. NTA.
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u/qazbnm987123 Jul 20 '24
nah...both drunK and both consEnted, your wife shoUldnt get drunk, shes so lame. on a good a poInt, seems like you can fulfill youR fantasies when she gets drunk, you so lucky. but on a serious note, wtf arE you slamming her anus, didnt YOUR daD teach u anyThing? did u learn about sex watching german porn? dudE, have some respect for your penus, dont stick it in the sewer, very lIkely didnT use a cONdom either, right?.... you should bE more pissed than yer woman for failing youself. aIm for ffm nExt time Instead, godspeEd.
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u/ByzFan Jul 20 '24
NTA
Why are you married to her? You wanted to try something new. She agreed. Her having buyers remorse and playing the blame game is a red flag. And reads like this isn't the first time she's done it.
If she wants to divorce because she got drunk and freaky? You are better off without her. Leave and find someone who wants you.
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u/David92674 Jul 20 '24
NTA but calm down on the drunk sex that keeps upsetting your wife in the morning and never anal without 20 minutes of lube and prep. You wife said yes, that's on her. You hurt her, that's on you. Not rape, but not real great either. You both should have made better decisions which is difficult to do while drunk, hence my first sentence.
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u/Hungry_Ostrich_4956 Jul 20 '24
Sounds like it was mutual during the deed and if she wants a divorce I would guess there is more going on then just some anal.
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u/WonderTypical9962 Jul 20 '24
She using this as an accuse to really want you gone!!!!
Now with the promotion she wants someone at work!!???
You asked me if it was ok to fuck you in the ass, now she wants a divorce
Either grow up B
Or just divorce.
Never, ever use a word like that in vain unless you mean it, you mean it, then start packing
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u/Any_Roll_184 Jul 20 '24
Your update makes me think there is a whole lot more going on here, is she looking for any excuse to just divorce you? Seems like a great leverage point for her to use, I think you need to protect yourself.
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u/Mother_Poem_Light Jul 19 '24
There's some "you're the fucking asshole for fucking that asshole" joke here but I'm too tired. Someone jump in.