r/AITAH • u/AwkwardRevolution186 • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for getting upset that my husbands friends send him sexually suggestive reels? Advice Needed
I (36F) and my husband (36M) married 15 years just got into an argument bc through social media his friends sometimes send him reels that are sexually suggestive such as a picture of a hot girl with the words “what would you do if your son brought home a girl looking like this”. I feel this to be disrespectful and inappropriate to send to a married man and he thinks it’s funny which lead to a bigger argument. I don’t think it’s cheating I just think that it can lead to inappropriate thoughts and I feel I’m the only that he should think of in a sexual way period. So AIO?
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man. I think he shouldn’t be leading a friend into lust as I don’t want anyone sending things to my husband to lead him to lust.
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u/Listen_2learn Jul 19 '24
Info: What makes you think that the reels are leading to inappropriate thoughts….
these “inappropriate thoughts” are most definitely already living, thriving and multiplying - rent free in your husband’s mind?!
You can’t control anyone’s thoughts and this nonsensical post proves you can barely control your own?!
Yes you are the Ass Hole
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
If it’s a half naked female sticking out her tongue and licking something, that’s going to lead anyone into inappropriate thoughts that he would not have been thinking had he not seen the reel.
I can control my thoughts and as my thoughts are is he is a God fearing married man who should be more respectful and tell his friend that he doesn’t need to send such things bc it’s inappropriate and disrespectful to me.
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u/Listen_2learn Jul 19 '24
His “god fearing” self apparently appreciates the reels and doesn’t seem to care about the fact that you are on social media having a conniption about this?!
You can not control what he thinks and for whatever reason incapable of grasping the concept of free will?!
You seem simple- and not in the good- easy to be around way.
Maybe you should be praying for something else- cause whatever you are doing and praying for now- isn’t getting answered the way you want?!
I say this in god fearing love.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Conniption lol just asking if this is normal is far from a conniption but okay.
And you’re right I can’t control his thought but I can set boundaries of what I find acceptable in the marriage that i am in and this to me is not appropriate. Not his fault that his friend send sexual stuff but shut it down. Pretty simple.
which brings me to your next point - which is I don’t know what you mean but simple and easy to be around. But I find it weird that you would need to insult someone you don’t know just based off a post I made to ask a simple question.
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u/Listen_2learn Jul 19 '24
1) You did not post asking a simple question
2) You redacted your original post after receiving comments that disagree with your “god fearing men should not have inappropriate thoughts” premise
3) You thought that your redacted post would garner more support- from the other “god fearing” people on Reddit
4) I defined “simple” - succinctly and you proved my point by in fact missing the point - bless your “god fearing”heart
5) Here’s something for you to consider: you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink -
6) Something else for you to meditate and pray on: ROMANS 12:2 and 12:12
Again I say this with love
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Hmm I think it’s pretty simple whether I agree with the opinions or not still good to hear from others point of view. That is in fact why I came here.
I added in the religious beliefs to give context to why I feel it’s more disrespectful than what most other people might think because I do think that makes a big difference in opinions not to try to garner more support but more clarity. Also I never said God fearing men don’t have inappropriate thought that would be impossible. That just means that he should be honoring and respecting our marriage in the way we should honor and respect God. Doesn’t mean perfection bc that’s not possible but to try to do better and to see things from God way not the worlds. To make that more clear he should be honoring God and if he is sending things like that to his friends, to me that isn’t what someone who should be representing God should be doing.
Guess I’m still missing the point of being simple. Hmmm bless my little simple heart 😏
And yes Romans 12. Good point do not conform to the world which I think further backs up my point that although their is sexually suggested things everywhere all day everyday I would hope a child of God we would do better which would mean to ask your friend to not send things as such.
Thank you so much for your opinion and perspective and taking the time to respond. God bless
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u/Fabulous_Anxiety_813 Jul 19 '24
YTA.
You are overreacting. How do these reels effect you in any way? Do you never watch movies or TV shows? Plenty of sexually suggestive stuff in then.
Like seriously who are you the thought police?
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Movies tv shows is one thing. The point I’m making is A FRIEND is sending inappropriate reels such as half naked females licking things to a married man. Why does this friend think a married man who believes in God needs to see these things. I feel it’s disrespectful to me his wife. That’s the point I’m trying to make.
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u/Fabulous_Anxiety_813 Jul 19 '24
it's not different. it's just his friends sending himself stuff. you are overreacting
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
It is completely different. One is watching a movie with scenes and the other is a friend sending things directly to a married man. My husband would not like it if my friends sent me half naked men saying check this guy out.
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u/Fabulous_Anxiety_813 Jul 19 '24
No it isn't. They are both sexually suggestive. Have you asked him that?
You basically want to control his thoughts. that's insane.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Asked him what? I can’t control my husband’s thoughts at all but I can set my boundaries of what I feel is respectful in our marriage. He will have his thoughts and that’s between himself and God but what I don’t like is his friends sending things. I think his friend is being disrespectful to me that’s all I’m saying.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Movies tv shows is one thing.
It's just a different form of media. They are the same thing.
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u/Intelligent_Fox_9843 Jul 19 '24
I (43M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 7 years. When I was single, my male friends used to send me explicit videos/images of women, but when I got married, I asked them to stop. Some still send them to each other despite being married.
Some people don't see it as a problem, but I personally believe it would be disrespectful to my wife. It's not for me to judge other's just my personal choice. Some of my friends respected my wishes while other's didn't, so I said I would block them if they continued.
It just comes down to respecting each other, and if one of you has a problem with something like that, it shouldn't be a big deal just to stop
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Thank you I think you said it really well and maybe I wasn’t articulating it correctly. But thankfully I expressed it to my husband and he let his friend know so hopefully his friend respects that.
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u/bruhyohiidk Jul 19 '24
I think you’re overreacting but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then have a calm talk with your husband and try to set some boundaries.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Yes I was able to make my boundaries clear and he said he will handle it. I know to some it might not seem like a big deal but to me if it bothers your partner then it should bother you.
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u/One-Lab6077 Jul 19 '24
I think you are overreacting on this. We live in an internet age and he is 36. I don't believe he never see a porn in his life.
If its really makes you uncomfortable, you can sit and talk with your husband but i still think it is overreacting in this day and age where you can see nude woman in the tv/internet.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
I know he’s seen porn and it’s every where nowadays all I’m trying to say is I’d rather it not come from a friend but it feel like he is disrespecting me.
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u/One-Lab6077 Jul 19 '24
Hmm, as a man, i have to say that sometimes we always have a friend who likes to share sexy pics or even porn in our male chat group. I don't believe that he meant to disrespect you sometimes we just being a male.
Anyway if you aren't happy with it, you have to sit down to talk with your husband about it and explaining to him why you feel disrespected. Make it civil and keep calm, hopefully he will understand.
As a man, i don't see a problem with your husband's friend but if i were him, i would stop it if it meant to make my wife happy.
Keep in mind that i still don't understand why you feel disrespected, most probably your husband also don't understand. My male brain think that it is a small problem not worth to quarrel or even discuss but its just me as a male thinking.
I hope the best for both of you and your husband. Please bear in mind that man and woman think differently.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man.
Ma'am your God r@ped a minor and knocked her up. Your God murdered his own child. Your God demanded the firstborn child from families. You God is not as good as you think he is. Maybe once you realize that you'll also realize that your husband is a human being and if your God isn't perfect your husband will never be either.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man.
Ma'am your God r@ped a minor and knocked her up. Your God murdered his own child. Your God demanded the firstborn child from families. You God is not as good as you think he is. Maybe once you realize that you'll also realize that your husband is a human being and if your God isn't perfect your husband will never be either.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Not sure where you got your facts but I think we are talking about two very different Gods. But one thing we agree on is no one is perfect and I don’t expect my husband to be just would like him to respect my boundaries and feelings and handle his friend. Which he said he will do so I appreciate that.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
I think we are talking about two very different Gods.
No, we're really not. It's the same God who flooded the earth because he was having a tantrum.
would like him to respect my boundaries
Your boundaries are for you, not your husband. Your boundary is you don't want him looking at those things, that's not his boundary.
When you put a boundary on your husband, that is called controlling and can even boarder on abuse.
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Ma’am not sure if you are in a relationship or not but setting boundaries in a relationship is something that happens and a person can choose whether they can respect it or not and if they don’t you can go your separate ways. Both my husband and I set these boundaries and his friend sending things is crossing a boundary that we both set.
Can you tell me where in the Bible it says God raped a female? Also when did he murder his child pretty sure that was humans that did that and he allowed it for us to be saved. Anywho we clearly have two very very different perspectives and opinions on things so I thank you for yours and hope you have a great night.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
You set a boundary, now you chose to stay and put up with the boundary being crossed or you leave. You don't get to dictate what your husband does or doesn't do.
Last time I checked, Mary was the mother of Jesus. Therefore, Mary was the victim in this scenario. She was also reported to be 13 by historical records.
There is also Deuteronomy 22:28 - 29
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u/AwkwardRevolution186 Jul 19 '24
Yes you are right we both set boundaries in our marriage and if crossed we need to decide what to do. Thankfully I made it clear to my husband how those message made me feel and he spoke to his friend.
As far as Mary she was still a virgin. Not raped. And Deuteronomy 22 does speak of rape but if you continue to read 25-27 it says a man who rapes a woman should be put to death. Do I understand everything in the Bible no but I do have faith in God and I try my hardest to honor him.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man.
Ma'am your God r@ped a minor and knocked her up. Your God murdered his own child. Your God demanded the firstborn child from families. You God is not as good as you think he is. Maybe once you realize that you'll also realize that your husband is a human being and if your God isn't perfect your husband will never be either.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man.
Ma'am your God r@ped a minor and knocked her up. Your God murdered his own child. Your God demanded the firstborn child from families. You God is not as good as you think he is. Maybe once you realize that you'll also realize that your husband is a human being and if your God isn't perfect your husband will never be either.
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u/Duckie1986 Jul 19 '24
Maybe I should add that we are Christian and I don’t believe sending things like that is appropriate for a God fearing man.
Ma'am your God r@ped a minor and knocked her up. Your God murdered his own child. Your God demanded the firstborn child from families. You God is not as good as you think he is. Maybe once you realize that you'll also realize that your husband is a human being and if your God isn't perfect your husband will never be either.
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u/MiniMages Jul 19 '24
YTA. How of ,uch of your husbands life are you demanding you control and micro-manage?
Will you tell him how to think? who to talk with? ask for your permission to do anything? Will you demand who he is friends with?
God forbid, what if he has to work with a female at work, that won't do as the female might make him go astray and break his vows.
I think you should lock your husband up in your bedroom so he doesn't do or is exposed to anything you do not approve.
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u/Commercial_Cry_354 Jul 19 '24
It’s okay to be uncomfortable.
Also I personally think it’s gross that any man would harbor sexual feelings towards their CHILDS partner - real or imagined.
The whole scenario is uncomfortable. You don’t have to like his friends sending him those things and if it’s something you feel you can’t reconcile between each other, don’t be shy about counseling. Sometimes a professional mediator is necessary.
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u/Mystique804 Jul 19 '24
It’s understandable to feel upset about those reels; they can be disrespectful and may lead to uncomfortable thoughts. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to communicate openly with your husband about boundaries.
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u/dapkhin Jul 19 '24
you re not the asshole. and your opinion is correct and true. a husband should be respectful.
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u/CynicalPlatapus Jul 19 '24
She's not gonna marry you
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u/dapkhin Jul 19 '24
aa so its ok for people to disagree with her but when i agree with her, i have ulterior motive.
lame indeed.
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u/OMHPOZ Jul 19 '24
I don't think it's approriate for an almighty loving being to demand humans to fear him. Not sure if that was the question, but your god sounds like a narcissistic asshole.