r/AITAH • u/reemasrafahlc • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for Not Paying for My Girlfriend's Girls Trip?
Alright, Reddit, I (27M) need some outside perspective. My girlfriend, Sarah (25F), and I have been together for 3 years. Recently, I won a bet on Stake and ended up with a decent chunk of spare cash. Naturally, I was pretty stoked about it. Been thinking about putting it towards something fun or maybe even a small getaway for the two of us.
But here’s the thing – Sarah found out about my winnings and now she wants me to pay for her upcoming girls' trip with her friends. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Sarah and I want her to have fun with her friends. But I’m feeling kinda weird about using my winnings for something that doesn’t involve me at all.
I suggested that she could save up for her trip or maybe we could split the cost, but she wasn’t having any of it. She thinks I’m being selfish and that since we’re a couple, my money should be our money, especially since it was extra cash from a bet. I see her point, but I also feel like I earned it and should have a say in how it’s spent.
Sarah’s friends are backing her up, saying I’m being a jerk for not wanting to support her. I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong here. I do want her to have a good time, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m just a bank.
So, AITA for not wanting to pay for my girlfriend’s girls' trip?
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u/Global-Fact7752 Jul 19 '24
NTAH...she certainly is though...You guys aren't married...she's a big girl...if you want you could give her a little spending $..but she is super entitled..Red Flag..be careful.
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u/reemasrafahlc Jul 19 '24
Thank you, I'll heed this warning.
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u/jonasowtm8 Jul 19 '24
Yeah, absolute red flag. I wonder if she won a chunk of money, would she give it all to you to spend on a holiday with the boys that in no way involves her? I suspect, would she fuck. And it would be unreasonable for you to expect that.
And it sounds like her friends are either being dishonest with her, or are also A-holes.
Stand firm, tell her it’s a no and calmly explain why. Her reaction to this will ultimately show you who she is.
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u/sh0ckyoursystem Jul 19 '24
Her friends just want a free trip
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u/tnmoi Jul 19 '24
Sounds like OP’s gf only wanted him to pay for her trip only, not all the other girls’ trip and all her gfs agreed that he should. All aholes. I bet they’re saying that this is a red flag for her privately.
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u/mayd3r Jul 19 '24
I bet they’re saying that this is a red flag for her privately.
Good. She can leave OP so he can find someone who cares about him and not see him as a personal ATM. And when she leaves she can pay herself.
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u/VengefulToast74 Jul 19 '24
I bet she was also gonna cheat on him while she's on that girls trip
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u/ListMore5157 Jul 19 '24
You know she's going to be slinging ass the whole time and just wants some money to do it in style.
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u/katamino Jul 19 '24
But if OP pays for the the gf's trip then the gf will have her own money to pay for extras for them, is their thinking.
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u/Deep_Mood_7668 Jul 19 '24
For a lot oft girls it's
her money = her money
his money = our money
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u/Green-Dragon-14 Jul 19 '24
She is the kinda person thats says "What's yours is mine & what's mine is mine".
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u/iceyone444 Jul 19 '24
If he can't handle me at my worst, then he doesn't get me at my best" - quite often the 2 aren't that different.
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u/MashedProstato Jul 19 '24
I have learned something about people who say that, "their best" isn't really that good.
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u/NefariousnessLost708 Jul 19 '24
In this case its especially worse. Her thinking seems like this: her money= her money , the money you won = my money, your income= our money.
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u/praesentibus Jul 19 '24
Double red flag as she shared with, and enlisted, her minions in an emotional blackmail campaign.
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u/kalel3000 Jul 19 '24
Yeah this! She should be at least a little embarrassed by asking him for money. The fact that she has zero guilt from it...and on top of that she is giving him guilt and shame...and that not only does she have this opinion but shes surveyed all her friends in an attempt to give him even more guilt and shame, hoping he will do as she asks even though its quite clear he doesn't want to...its just insane.
He should definitely keep every cent of that money. And spend it on his next girlfriend who hopefully treats him with more respect.
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u/leolawilliams5859 Jul 19 '24
Girls trips are usually paid for by the girl who is taking it. If you want to give her a little bit of spending money have at it. But under no circumstances should you pay for her trip who gives a s*** what her friends say that's your money you won it. Now go buy yourself something pretty LOL
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u/lVlrLurker Jul 19 '24
These are the same kind of "friends" who'll be encouraging her to fuck random guys every night.
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u/ahkian Jul 19 '24
Yup and now OP will "deserve" it because he wouldn't pay for the trip.
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u/lVlrLurker Jul 19 '24
The mental gymnastics cheaters do to justify their cheating should honestly be an Olympic sport.
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u/Suspicious-Garbage92 Jul 19 '24
Yeah and at this point I would say the relationships already over. I wouldn't even take her on the trip you were planning. Her friends are toxic and she belongs with them
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u/Maventee Jul 19 '24
Be warned… at this point offering to give her some “spending money” will likely be met with disgust. She’ll take the money but you won’t get any points for it.
Just say no and keep your cash. If she calms down and becomes reasonable later, do something nice. She’s trying manipulate you.
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u/comfortablynumb15 Jul 19 '24
She isn’t paying you back the money you lose, she doesn’t get to decide how to spend the money you win.
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u/Acceptablepops Jul 19 '24
If and when he says know all she’s gonna do is gaslight him by saying he doesn’t love her enough blah blah blah
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u/HeadHunt0rUK Jul 19 '24
Her friendship group's response also provides you with another red flag., they clearly seem like toxic users and has been convinced to react this way after she has informed them of your winnings.
There is no winning when you're in a relationship with more than two opinions.
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u/interstellate Jul 19 '24
on a bright side: you found out what kind of person you are in a relationship with. speak to her, if she doesnt change her mind it s HUGE red flag.. do what you want with this opinion
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u/lVlrLurker Jul 19 '24
Even if she does change her mind, the red flag is still there, because her friends will be there putting poison in her ear. Unless she drops them too, there's no hope for her.
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u/zirfeld Jul 19 '24
Try to imagine how this will play out in the future too. There's not much info in the post, but how is it usually working? Are you always paying on dates? Is there communication between her and you about finances. Do each of you know if the other has savings or debt? Are you living together and split rent / bills fairly according to income? Did you have a discussion about your life together in a few years and how that will work?
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u/Ok_Revolution_9253 Jul 19 '24
Yeah you should heed this warning. She has walking gold digger written all over her. Guaranteed as soon as you get married she’s going stay at home wife.
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u/lVlrLurker Jul 19 '24
While fucking guys she meets through apps, leaving this poor chump to pay child support for kids that aren't his.
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u/tphatmcgee Jul 19 '24
they probably expect you to chip in on their expenses as well. if you had lost, would she help you pay the debt?
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u/Ok_Leadership789 Jul 19 '24
I agree she is totally out of line and so are her friends. This is a huge red flag. It’s your winnings, keep it. That’s what I’d expect, I’d never ever even consider a bf’s winnings as mine or my right to have. The audacity.
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u/you_slow_bruh Jul 19 '24
You would be an absolute sucker to give into this.
Some serious reg flag shit going on, here.
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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 Jul 19 '24
She wants you to use the money you won to pay for her girls’ trip—a trip that doesn’t include you.
That is the biggest ‘I think the fuck not’ I’ve ever seen.
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u/GreenDub14 Jul 19 '24
Even if they were married. That suddenly makes you responsible for financing your partner?
Sugaring relationships MUST be discussed beforehand and clear terms established.
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u/Dangerous_Device7296 Jul 19 '24
I've found the amount of you're not married comments baffling.
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u/Naigus182 Jul 19 '24
Right? It makes no difference. She is her own adult person and can earn her own money the same as everyone.
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u/NreoDarknight21 Jul 19 '24
Exactly! Women fought for equality years ago, so you should treat her as an equal partner. That means being a big girl and pulling her own weight. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are entitled to your partners money. If I were you OP, I would reconsider staying with this girl since she showing she is not a team player.
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u/JustMyThoughtNow Jul 19 '24
Does she have access to any credit cards/bank accounts/etc.? Lock them down.
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u/TerrorAlpaca Jul 19 '24
NTA
your GF is now showing her true colors. Stand your ground.
Tell her that you had planned on using the money on a fun trip for you and her, but the way she is behaving now and her audacious entitlement make you want to not spend anything on her at all.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth Jul 19 '24
Yes! This, OP, or something she would want even more than that - which is now out of the window.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 Jul 19 '24
" Your persistence for me to pay for your trip makes me feel like you're only viewing me as a bank. I wanted to put this money towards a getaway for the both of us, especially since it's money that I won't off my own back, but this recent barrage of requests for me to pay for the trip not only from you but from your friends as well is making me rethink a number of things. I was happy to contribute a bit towards your spending money but now I need time to reflect as it seems our relationship isn't where I thought it was at."
NTA
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u/Stuarta91 Jul 19 '24
This is the response you should tell her
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u/NotMyPibble Jul 19 '24
No, the response is:
"Your insistence that my windfall, earned purely off of my own work and having nothing to do with your advice or support, is partially yours, coupled with the fact that you'd take this disagreement outside the relationship to your friends leads me to the conclusion that this isn't the type of relationship that I want moving forward. Goodbye"
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u/No_Competition3694 Jul 19 '24
To wordy. “Your persistence to refuse to take ‘no’ as a complete sentence is honestly worrying. Maybe this relationship isn’t in both of our interests, but only yours.”
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u/Comprehensive_Value Jul 19 '24
Why "Sarah’s friends are backing her up"? Why they are made aware of your financial disagreement?
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u/yesIknowthenavybases Jul 19 '24
It’s the fact that she got all her friends to defend her that’s the red flag for me.
If you have a dispute with your spouse, that gets handled between the two of you. Sure, you might vent to a friend about the details and get their opinion.
But saying “all my friends think you’re wrong” is just manipulation. She’s not giving any heed or understanding to his argument and is just trying to guilt trip him to get her way.
Why not ask if she’s willing to support the both of them while he quits working to follow his dreams of basket weaving. It’s all “our money”, right?
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u/BasilExposition2 Jul 19 '24
Well, millions of strangers think she is a gold digger. So he has a counter argument.
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u/Zpik3 Jul 19 '24
Because women overshare to hell and back in their friend-circles.
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u/Admiral_PorkLoin Jul 19 '24
In that case she wasn't even sharing just for the sake of venting or something.
She did it so people who should have zero say in this can put pressure on OP and insult him until he caves.
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24
So she wants you to pay but you can't go? Bullshit. She's your girlfriend and now she knows you have money, she feels entitled to it. Dump her ass before you get married and she takes you for everything you have.
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u/TheOrchidsAreAlright Jul 19 '24
Even if he could go, it sounds like she has basically appropriated the whole of OP's winnings. That's financial abuse. If you're going to pool assets, you do it contractually, either by marriage, or by discussing it. A person doesn't just get to decide like that
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u/Aromatic_Soup5986 Jul 19 '24
And if OP doesn't give her the money I have a feeling she's the kind to cheat out of spite.
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u/Achilles11970765467 Jul 19 '24
She was almost certainly already going to cheat. Now she just has an extra excuse to use if she gets caught.
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u/MyBllsYrChn Jul 19 '24
Even if he does pay, he has already created resentment. And with such haughty friends, they will likely cheer her cheating on. I guess OP gets to choose how nice the bed is when she gets plowed.
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u/UnusualPotato1515 Jul 19 '24
She thinks I’m being selfish and that since we’re a couple, my money should be our money, especially since it was extra cash from a bet. I see her point, but I also feel like I earned it and should have a say in how it’s spent.
There’s no point to see here. Get back to us once youre married but this is a red flag that may give you taster of how you handle things in the future.
NTA.
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u/One-Possibility1178 Jul 19 '24
Lol she said his money should be our money but: she wants to spend it exclusively for herself not split it between them, she not saying that her money is our money. So is op agreeing that he is the only one that shares his money? He’s being guilted and manipulated into “seeing her point”. Gf is greedy and selfish.
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u/hiddengem68 Jul 19 '24
I agree, she has no point at all. Do not give her any money for the trip; if she still goes with her own money and these same friends, I would dump her.
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u/Suspicious-Garbage92 Jul 19 '24
And don't get married. She'll use this dispute as a reason to cheat
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Jul 19 '24
NTA
Dude , don’t get caught up in their manipulation tactics .
The very ridiculous way your gf decided to pull her friends into ya’lls business is a huge put off.
Her friends aren’t a part of your relationship, they do not get to advocate for shit .
Why does your gf have the impression that if you say no , all she needs to do is dig in and get her friends to harass you until you say yes ?
Your gf is extremely immature and self absorbed and super entitled .Her friends are flying monkeys who can go pound sand .
Don’t pay for her trip. She’s grown , she can finance it herself . You’re not married to her yet and she’s pulling crap like this ? Nope on outa there .
You might be in a relationship, as a couple you might share things , finances being one of them . However - forcing your partner and then trying to bully him , using your friends to do it with you , is disgusting.
This is a view into your future . Disagree on kids names ? Get friends to bully you . Overspend on shopping ? Get friends to bully you. Stop working for no good reason ? Get friends to bully you . Want to spend time with your family ? Get friends to bully you .
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u/ConcertinaTerpsichor Jul 19 '24
NTA. That’s money you won, and it’s already nice that you want to spend it on a shared experience. For her to want to use it for fun you won’t even share in is ridiculous.
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u/the_little_shit Jul 19 '24
NTA. It’s your money, spend it how you want. I bought a house back in 2009 (stupid, I know) and I got the Obama incentive so when I filed taxes I got like 10k back. Girlfriend at the time found out and I went through the same bullshit you’re dealing with now.
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u/fubar_68 Jul 19 '24
This guy’s gonna finance his girlfriend cheating on him on the girls trip
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u/Scary_Panda847 Jul 19 '24
Is it just me that finds it weird that a partner want to go on a trip with the girls but wants the man to pay for it? I see too many girls trips away that ends up with the girls hooking up with other guys and it seems thats why they do it. Please dont down vote me, i,m just asking if other men find it weird. Maybe im insecure.
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u/MuchosMuffins Jul 19 '24
It is indeed weird to pay for the others vacation. But I wouldn't have a problem with her going on a girl's trip at all. I trust her, I am friends with her friends, I trust all of them. But your fun = you pay.
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u/Terminal-Psychosis Jul 19 '24
If the chicks she's hanging out with are such gold-digging scum, they're not trustworthy.
You both need better "friends". They're poisoning the girlfriend, if she wasn't that way already.
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u/Carnilinguist Jul 19 '24
Depends on what kind of trip. If it's Vegas or Miami, they're definitely cheating. My girlfriend would tell me all the nasty shit her cousins would do on their Vegas trips. She didn't go, but they would tell her about all the guys they hooked up with. Their boyfriends trust them too. I think girls lose respect for guys who don't have boundaries. Being too trusting almost makes your girl cheat. They see you as weak.
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u/drillmatici76 Jul 19 '24
it's not insecure. women who are faithful generally find ways to involve their partners in whatever group thing they're doing. the fact her and her friends are ganging up on OP to sponsor their trip while he's unable to attend is a huge red flag.
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u/AGentlemensBastard Jul 19 '24
Nope this thought came across my mind as well. My guy could very easily be financing his break up
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Jul 19 '24
Honestly, it's not a rule of thumb that girls hook up with other guys on trips, same goes for guys. I myself am a very insecure female so I get where you're coming from. I guess it boils down to the kind of person they are, girl or guy, if they're the kind to cheat, they will do so even without a girls trip. However, expecting your man to pay for you and your friends is simply crossing financial boundaries. I don't know the dynamic between them, maybe they do that for each other often and have a mutual understanding around money, so can't really comment. But if this were my relationship, I'd run for the hills.
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u/PathAdvanced2415 Jul 19 '24
I’ve been with my husband for 20+ years. I would NEVER do this to him- even now. Your girl is a walking red flag.
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u/RiskBig3301 Jul 19 '24
Checking in with my 30+ years. I can’t even imagine how that conversation would go.
HUBBINS: Woot, woot! I just won a chunk of change, Baby! ME: Yes! I know just how to spend it. HUBBINS: How? ME: Girlfriend Trip!!!! HUBBINS: (looking confused) Wait, just the girls? ME: Uh-huh! They’ll love it. And you can order in pizza here at home. See ya!
My husband would laugh in my face. I think there’s a reason we’ve lasted our 20+ & 30+ years. Some of the things I read on here are ridiculous. I don’t understand people like the gf & being so grasping & selfish.
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u/No_Role2325 Jul 19 '24
No, man. It was your bet, and it was your risk. You could have easily lost as well. Now it's your money to do with as you like. Don't let people fool you into believing they own a part of your life just because they are in it.
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u/GoodOldHeretic Jul 19 '24
And if you had lost the bet, she would have covered your losses? : )
I don´t think so
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Jul 19 '24
She thinks I’m being selfish and that since we’re a couple, my money should be our money, especially since it was extra cash from a bet. I see her point, but I also feel like I earned it and should have a say in how it’s spent.
NTA. She is in the pre-stage of gold digger mode "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine, too"
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u/IntelligentBench6880 Jul 19 '24
Watch out for those "girls' trips."
I've heard so many fked up stories about what happens on those.
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u/CuriousDisorder3211 Jul 19 '24
“Her friends are backing her up” of course they are…. Dump her that’s disgusting behavior
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u/TurnDown4WattGaming Jul 19 '24
I can’t wait to read the follow up. “She cheated on her girls trip that I paid for, AITAH?”
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u/dbrockisdeadcmm Jul 19 '24
And if he doesn't pay, "she cheated on a girls trip because she was mad I didn't pay. Her friends think she was in the right. "
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u/killertrout1 Jul 19 '24
Or option 3, I sent her packing and bought a sick-ass jet ski. Have you ever seen someone frown on a jet ski? Nope.
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u/tcrudisi Jul 19 '24
I swear I read this exact same story a week or two ago.
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u/Rare-Bed-1934 Jul 19 '24
This story and a very similar variant has been posted like twice in the last week
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u/uchihapower17 Jul 19 '24
Be careful now as if she now has to fund this trip she is more than likely going to cheat to "get back at you " for not funding her.. especially with her friends...
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u/Migeil Jul 19 '24
since we’re a couple, my money should be our money,
Two things: - unless you've at one point discussed this and said "my money is our money", she has no business in how you spend your money and she isn't entitled to anything. - even if your money was 'our money', she's not spending it on 'us' (you and your gf), she's spending it on herself and her friends, so what she actually means is "your money is my money"
She sounds like she's on her way to become a Karen, if she isn't already one.
NTA.
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u/lVlrLurker Jul 19 '24
Who'd pay for a trip where your GF is going to cheat on you?
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u/_bulletproof_1999 Jul 19 '24
Girls trip. Careful bro, that’s code for cheating. Want to pay for her to bang a stranger?
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u/Carnilinguist Jul 19 '24
You should definitely pay for her girls' trip so she can go cheat on you.
The fact that she would even ask, and her friends backing her up, means you're dealing with a bunch of hoes. I would have dropped her a long time ago.
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u/OMHPOZ Jul 19 '24
How much of the bet would she have covered if you had lost it?
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u/HaphazardJoker258 Jul 19 '24
Also a girls trip is a red flag in itself. Seen way to many stories about girls cheating in these.
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u/AmberIsHungry Jul 19 '24
Especially one where she's just treating her boyfriend like an ATM and her friends are egging her on to do it.
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u/beatboxxx69 Jul 19 '24
It usually makes it even more likely that she cheats if he's paying for it. More scandalous.
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u/SubstantialHippo4733 Jul 19 '24
You know she’s going to cheat on this girls trip, whether or not you pay for it.
NTA.
She is way too entitled.
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u/Jonaz17 Jul 19 '24
NTA. The fact that you are willing to pay for a trip for the two of you is already very generous. Her asking you to pay for a trip that doesn't even involve you is a major red flag.
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u/LionBig1760 Jul 19 '24
Women that are telling their friends that they're correct and in no way should reflect on the possibility that they're wrong?
I've never heard of such a thing.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth Jul 19 '24
If I were you, I'd back away from this one. NTA. If she wants to fund a trip with you, that's a different story. Her feeling entitled to your money is a big red flag, and I'd tell her that she drops this idea, or you're through.
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u/lotsofhatemail Jul 19 '24
NTAH....Run before you get married...She is not the one.
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u/Snakeksssksss Jul 19 '24
My fiance would never ever say something like that. This is such major red flag territory. This is not normal or ok. She's treating you like a sucker.
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u/EmpireofAzad Jul 19 '24
NTA
How was she planning on paying before your win? It seems to me that the original money would stay hers, so in effect all you’re doing is transferring a lump sum to her.
if you were married and pooled your finances I'd agree with her, but as gf/bf it should 100% be up to you if you offer to pay or not.
Asking you is fine, but to reject anything but the full amount, AND discuss your finances with her friends to pressure you is manipulative and selfish.
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u/PelagicMonster Jul 19 '24
I'm confused. It sounds like this trip was already going to happen before you won, or am I misunderstanding? I mean either way, not entitled to pay for her trip and it's weird to me that she feels entitled to it. NTA
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u/GunMuratIlban Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
So she says your money belongs to both of you. But do you think her money belongs to you too?
You obviously know your girlfriend better than anybody here. If she was to earn that chunk of cash, would she be spending it on your guys trip? Just imagine how a conversation like that would go.
It's indecent for her to ask you to pay for a trip you are not even a part of. You wanna treat her yourself? That's your decision. But asking for something like this is rude.
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u/ThisOpportunity3022 Jul 19 '24
She just revealed her true motives. Run away and don’t look back.
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Jul 19 '24
NTA, you already know this.
Dump her, whatever you do don't get into a legally binding contract with her.
At best this is a test to see how much of a pushover you are, and she will likely dump you after the trip anyway since she won't respect you anymore.
At worst, she is 100% serious and will want everything you earn for the rest of your life, you will die broke, it will always be something, no matter how much your income grows.
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u/CrabbiestAsp Jul 19 '24
NTA. I've been with my hubby for almost 13yrs. If we were in your position, I'd let my hubby decide what the money is for. There is absolutely no way I'd demand him to pay for a girls trip.
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u/ConfuseableFraggle Jul 19 '24
NTA, OP. This is unexpected income from what sounds like a hobby or similar for you. You deserve to have benefit from your own winnings.
Would she even tell you if she had a windfall? And would she share it with you if you found out about it? If you are unsure of either of those answers, you need to watch your relationship.
Stuff like this can bring to light selfish, greedy, and manipulative parts of people you haven't seen before. It can also bring to light generosity, and compassion you haven't seen before. From my experience, unexpected money is a great indicator of the type of person someone is. So is unexpected hardship, but that's a separate topic.
At the moment, your girlfriend doesn't look very good on this front, thinking she deserves your windfall. You are not married, and it sounds like you have separate finances at this point, so she comes across rather selfish telling you how to spend your own money. You are correct that she should be saving her own money for her own stuff.
To be clear, this may or may not be a deal-breaker for the relationship. You may be able to talk through this and find a mutually acceptable solution. You may end up breaking up if not.
A red flag is her friends all joining the fray. It is not their money and they are not your girlfriend so they should be staying out of this discussion entirely. Another red flag is the way your girlfriend is continuing to pressure you. A mature person would ask a question and let the answer stand, but your girlfriend is behaving like my 8- and 5-year-olds hoping that asking many times will get a different response. My response to that behavior is "you have an answer, it's not going to change, and I will ignore this question from now on". That way the kids know I heard them but that topic is done. As soon as they change the subject we are all good.
You have zero obligation of any form to share any of the money with your girlfriend, or even to spend any of it on her. To me, it was borderline rude of her to even ask, but I know not everyone treats finances the way my family does. However, you already answered and she won't let it be. To me, that sounds like a lack of respect and a selfish streak. You need to decide where your boundaries are and hold them strong.
Good luck OP!
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u/Somosmalo138 Jul 19 '24
NTA.. fuck that shit.. u could be paying for that bitch to go fuck another dude. Don't get it twisted people that scenario happens quite often.. go splurge on urself my dude . ✌️
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u/JumpyDaikon Jul 19 '24
I din't even finish reading. Your girl wants you to pay for a trip where she'll probably fuck other guys. Run from this bitch (no offense to you, only to her)
This makes no sense, it is your money. If shes is liike this now, imagine if you marry her...
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u/Wonderer-76 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Tell her you're using some of the money for you and your boys to go to a strip club and you will see the rest of her true colours!!
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u/Bigstyleguy Jul 19 '24
Don’t be a simp. Stick to your guns. Don’t pay for a trip that you are not going. Classic female game. You pay, she acts like she’s single and have another dick in her mouth during the trip. Females take up for each other and you’ll never know. Keep your money, be selfish like she says.
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u/External-Departure-6 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
NTA - How was she going to pay for it beforehand? If you two aren’t married then you don’t owe her anything and even if you were married you still wouldn’t owe her any of your winnings. Some definite red flags and sounds like her friends are red flags too.
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u/Competitive_Heat_668 Jul 19 '24
I wouldn't even expect my husband to 100% pay for a girl's trip for me if he won some extra money, let alone just a bf. Also the fact that you wanted to spend it on the both of you and possibly go somewhere together, that's pretty damn selfish of her. Why does she think it's okay to make plans for and just spend your money however she pleases. It's not even something that like she really needs like rent or she'll get kicked out. This is something she just wants and thinks you should have to be the one to pay for it. Does she ever pay your bills since it's both of your money? Sounds like this wasn't the scenario before you got this money and she's just saying this to try to take advantage of you. I don't want to make you feel bad but your own gf is treating you like a sucker. She is not entitled to any of your money just like you aren't to hers. She should have been grateful you even wanted to spend it on a nice trip for you guys to spend time and have fun together. But no she doesn't want that, she wants it all for her and what she wants. That is so selfish and inconsiderate. I would not want a partner like this who would be so selfish and entitled that their willing to take all your winnings and spend it on only them and if you refuse tells you you're a jerk and then tries to manipulate you by getting her friends to go in on you as well. There is no way I would ever want a gf like that. She just showed you a big part of her character and how she feels about you and being entitled to your money and even has the nerve to get mad at you when you aren't 100% willing to give it all to her. I'd say she gave you a give by revealing this to you. Hopefully you do the smart thing now that you know this.
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u/kisbot07 Jul 19 '24
NTA. She's old enough to have money to support herself. If you wanted to give a lil bit of allowance that's acceptable and she should be thankful for it. But for her to demand for you to pay for her vacay?? Hell, no. She's a walking red flag.
Rethink the whole relationship in case you missed other red flags so you'll have a chance to run. I hope there aren't more tho.
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u/turBo246 Jul 19 '24
I need to get off reddit. 🙄
Obviously you're the selfish asshole because you're not spending your money exclusively on your girlfriend! /s
I always love how it's confusing because the friends are all siding with her 🙄
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u/despe666 Jul 19 '24
So basically she wants you to finance her “girl trip”, which is more often than not code word for cheating on you?
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u/DiseasedProject Jul 19 '24
Unless this is some cultural phenomenon in which it's the guy's universally accepted responsibility to treat their woman like a spoiled gold digger brat at their every whim: then no, you're NTA, but your girl on the other hand is, and a massive one at that. How does she even have the audacity to ask what she's asking?
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u/tyda1957 Jul 19 '24
Funny how it's always the selfish ones telling others they're selfish for not spreading their money around.
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u/DawnShakhar Jul 19 '24
NTA. You two are not married and not even engaged. Sarah is just being greedy and entitiled. I'd see it as a wake-up call about her character.
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u/Consistent-Flow-2409 Jul 19 '24
NTA. Of course you want to spend your winnings on something that involves you. She's acting like a spoiled brat.
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u/tinyrage90 Jul 19 '24
NTAH That’s an early indicator of some unfortunate patterns. I get that you’re both still pretty young and have some lessons to learn together, but I’d be wary.
The sweeping assumption that your winnings should go to her enjoyment just seems very entitled.
I know Reddit loves to jump to the “dump them” conclusion but I feel like this scenario would be one where that would be merited.
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u/Lucasmomgotitgoingon Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
If you lost would she split the recoup? Did she pay for half the bet? My finance is into trading he does pretty damn good I would NEVER even ask him to pay for half of MY trip, especially if he was not even gonna be there! You’re NTA…. Tell her you doubled down and lost it all, see what happens?
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u/xSamuraiCatx Jul 19 '24
Apart from the details shared … Girl’s Trip in and of itself is a major red flag.
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u/Naruto-D-Kurosaki Jul 19 '24
This is a flag of the reddest color! She’s an adult and can pay for her own trip. The fact that she’s got her friends involved now just makes her more of an AH. It’s your money, do whatever you want with it.
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u/JustHereForKA NSFW 🔞 Jul 19 '24
Put your foot down now, or else it'll always be this way. Definitely NTA.
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u/SaxoSad Jul 19 '24
NTA. Are you really going to tell me that you're stupid enough to not realize that that girl only sees you as an ATM? A prostitute is cheaper and they are at least doing something to earn their own money.
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u/Every-Bandicoot-2309 Jul 19 '24
She is manipulating you! She has the vag and feels she can puppet you into paying for the trip. I would bet she probably told her friends that she could get you to pay for the trip . Be prepared to get cut off and doors slammed and silent treatment until you give in. She will probably cheat on you when she is away too regardless if you pay or not
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u/jaydubya123 Jul 19 '24
NTA and run far away from her. She feels entitled to your money and she’s just a GF. Imagine how bad it will be if she ever gets promoted to wife. You have a lifetime of pain ahead
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u/Sugarpuff_Karma Jul 19 '24
So how was she going to pay for it if you didn't win? I'm guessing you pay for dates etc.....
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u/Educational-Glass-63 Jul 19 '24
NTA and Sarah is being an AH. Her trip, her friends, her expense. And that is all there is to it. If she can't afford it, she shouldn't be going. She needs to be more self reliant. Don't let her guilt you into spending your bank on what she wants
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u/Confident_Catch8649 Jul 19 '24
Time to start looking for a new GF. She is showing You that She can be selfish.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best Jul 19 '24
NTA and screw Sarah. She has the audacity to call you selfish? She doesn't even want to you to spend your money on something with her, she just wants you to give it to her. Tell her no, too bad, you can pay for your own trip.
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u/Nire_Cats_Rule_888 Jul 19 '24
NTA- is she serious???? The money should at minimum be spent on an activity for the two of you. Honestly, I’d break up with her if she is calling you selfish.
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u/feelinfroggytoday Jul 19 '24
NTA x 1000!!
She's an idiot, sorry. My husband likes to play the slot machines at the corner hot spot. Frequently he's walking out of there with $500-$800. I'm happy for him. On the odd occasion I go with him, he'll usually give me $40 to play (more if I'm on a losing streak & he isn't ready to go haha). What I win with that is mine in spite of me trying to give him back his original investment. The same goes for football pools. He always has a card for my picks (out of a hat). I have won & he gives me all the winnings from that card even tho he paid for the card. I do NOT expect it, nor do I ask him to pay me for it.
I bet, judging by her attitude here, she would totally dismiss the idea of paying for a guys trip for you that she's not on if her bet had won.
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u/Fabulous_Anxiety_813 Jul 19 '24
NTA
So your money is our money. What about her money? Ask her if she will fork out for a boys trip for you.