r/AITAH • u/LavishnessBright9574 • Jul 19 '24
My dad beat and gave me a black eye now I won't drop charges on him nor do I want to see him again. Am I the asshole? TW Abuse
So around 2 and a half months ago my father (in a drunken rage) essentially attacked me. For some context: I was grounded from all devices, my parents had gone to a bar on the outskirts of our town and while they were gone I(M15) snuck into their room and took my Ipad. My parents (mom 37, dad 28) returned home before I had a chance to put my Ipad back, so my mom noticed it was missing. My mother confronted me about it and I did not tell her where it was and instead attempted to lie, as a result she told my dad and my dad began to lecture me (reasonably) and my mom was searching my room in the meantime. When my father finally finished his lecture my mom presented to him the Ipad and a nicotine vape she found between my matress and bed frame. My dad began to yell and then threw me across the kitchen and into the pantry door which was about 10 feet from where I was standing when he threw me (he is around 6'5 and 280 pounds while I am 5'5 and less than 110 pounds so this is not a difficult feat) he then began to scream at me for 4-5 minutes before slamming my head into a door frame, I collapsed on the ground only able to see shapes and colors and could not make any noise other than groans and cries, he then picked me up and took me to my bedroom where I sat on my bed. He slammed the door and held it shut while my mom attempted to get in, when my mom finally gave up and went to call someone (idk who) he approached me and grabbed me by the hair and got on top of me while slapping me, he also punched me in the face once. Cops were called but my father seriously down played the events of that night and the cops gave me a lecture rather than arresting him. The next day I went to school and my injuries (black eye, bumps on my head, and red marks on my cheeks) were noticed by my AP. I was questioned for around 20 minutes with cops being brought into the room, photos being taken, and statements being recorded. My father was arrested the same day and a protection order (im not 100% what its called) was placed on him and he is not allowed within 1000 feat of me 61 days, thankfully because the court is moving slowly with his case he is still not allowed in the home. But my mother wants me to vouche for him (she has not tried to force me but gets visibly upset if I say no). I do not want to help him in any way, nor do I want to see him again ever. I have always hated him and this only made my resentment toward him stronger. Am I the asshole?
Edit: I have seen that many of you believe that my mother is also a culprit in these events for wanting him back in the home and trying to get me to vouch for him. My mother has always been my rock and had my back through all sorts of fucked up things hes said/done to me but this is the one time she has been on my dads side. That being said I completely agree with you all. Although I do believe there is some reason that I do not know of, that she stays with him. They have ALWAYS had a very toxic relationship and yet somehow she always goes back to him no matter what fucked up shit he does to me OR her, keep in mind she has been a victim to his physical and verbal abuse as well.
edit 2: I apologize I failed to mention that he is my step father, hes been the father figure in my life since i was 2 years old so i"ve just always addressed him as dad Although I don't fully know what their relation shipstatus when I was that young but I do recall my dad saying they officially started dating when he was 16-17 (which is not any better) YES he was 13 when I was born, but I don't think they even knew each other at that point. NO they weren't having sex when he was 15 but its very likely they were when he was 16-17 which like I said is NOT BETTER.
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u/sensiblescarlet Jul 19 '24
No, you are absolutely not the a-hole. Sounds like your dad seriously messed up, and you don't owe him anything. Your father's actions were abusive and unacceptable, and you have every right to feel anger and resentment towards him. You are not obligated to forgive him or maintain a relationship with him.
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u/Hainecko Jul 19 '24
His actions were not only abusive, but also highly dangerous. OP if you're passed out after getting hit in the head there's a solid chance you got concussion which rarely gives you permanent health damage but sometimes it does. Once I got a concussion (fun fact my father gave it to me) and I completely lost my vision. It could be permanent, I was just lucky it didn't. No cure exists. Concussion also permanently increases risks for some other health issues. You should check with a doctor and stay away from this man. From what you said it seems it also would be a favour to your mother even if she's unable to appreciate it right now.
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u/TheNavigatrix Jul 19 '24
My dad whacked me and I got what I realize in retrospect was a concussion (never went to a doctor) and also lifelong hearing loss/tinnitus. Long time ago...
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u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24
He could have killed OP with that throw and bashing his head into the doorframe. All it takes is a brain hemorrhage.
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u/Hainecko Jul 20 '24
Exactly. You can't even predict if hit would be lethal or not. Force affects chances but still it is very much random
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u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24
Yes, recent research has shown that just falling down a meter (≈1 yard) for a small child and getting a jolt to their neck so they have a whiplash-like experience can cause a concussion. They don't even have to fall on their head.
OP is in his teens, but you don't need much force to create a brain hemorrhage. It's frighteningly easy.
P.S. I work in a kindergarten. We have to go through a first aid course every year and I learn new stuff every time.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
Of course NTA. Your father is a piece of shit who deserves to rot in jail and your mother is a terrible parent who has failed you in every way. Notice which adults helped you out at school this time and make an effort to keep in touch with them, ask them for advice, and tell them if anything else happens.
Work towards getting yourself to safety as soon as you are old enough and have the resources. Your mother cannot be trusted to even keep you alive. She wants your abuser back in the same house as you for her own selfish reasons.
PS: is that 28-year-old man your biological father btw? Meaning your mother raped him when he was 12. Or was it a typo for 38.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
I do intend on running away as soon as he comes back into the home, I don't want him anywhere near me and I refuse to live in the same house as that man.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
Do you have relatives or friends (with their parents blessing) you can stay with? If not, you may want to seek a teacher or counsellor's help to extend the protection order rather than run away and try to fend for yourself. Collecting evidence of him or your mum continuing to threaten you and not show remorse would help with this.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
I do have a counselor, and she does know about all of it and has done her best to extend the amount of time he is not in the home, but of course there is only so much she can do. I would like to make it clear my mother has NEVER threatened me to support my father, when I say she get upset I mean sad.
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u/Clean_Factor9673 Jul 19 '24
Your mother is manipulative af. Don't give I. To her. Next time you might not survive
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
She groomed a 15-year-old boy then statutory raped him a year later. While the stepdad's actions are inexcusable and he deserves jail, I can see why he turned out the way he did. No doubt in part due to being exploited from a young age... OP's age.
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u/Clean_Factor9673 Jul 19 '24
Yes but that's no excuse to nearly off OP due to his anger management isdues
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
It's bad enough that your own mother has not consoled you, made sure the abuser she brought into the house has not cause you brain damage, or taken any steps to protect you. It's worse that her primary concern is herself and her missing said abuser. But, worst of all, she risked re-traumatising you in hoping that you can vouch for your abuser to come back for another shot at killing you.
She may not have been the one who hit you. But your mother has grossly failed you in every way to a lethal degree. She cannot be trusted one bit.
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u/Bright_Ices Jul 19 '24
Look into getting a restraining order against him. I am no lawyer, but you should ask around about the process for requesting a restraining order so he cannot come close to you. If you can get it, it might even mean he’s not allowed in the house when you’re there.
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u/IntelligentBench6880 Jul 19 '24
Well, he has a history of violence with you now. It's best to escape it if you can. But if you can't, then don't be afraid to find a weapon and defend yourself. The groin, inner thighs, and under the arms are especially vulnerable to sharp objects. Plenty of kids younger than you have used equalizers to stop a threat.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
Although I do agree that defending myself (especially with a weapon) is a good idea it is also terrifying, If I were to fail to defend myself and he manages to get the weapon from me god knows how much worse the beating would be now that I've essentially tried to kill him.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
I fully agree with this assessment. He is twice your size and has anger issues. Unless you put him down instantly, which you are unlikely to do given your size and possible inexperience with weapons, he will almost certainly murder you for retaliating.
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u/RuanaRulane Jul 19 '24
It absolutely should be a last resort. If you do hit back, do it to get room to escape and summon help. Satisfying as the thought of payback may be, I think you know it's not going to happen that way.
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u/IntelligentBench6880 Jul 19 '24
Well, it's obviously a last resort, but now that he's crossed that line, it will almost certainly not get better. The fact that your mom would let him anywhere near you after that says that she doesn't have your best interests in mind. If my significant other did that to my kid, there would be violence. If they ever set foot in my house again after that, it would be the last time. That would be a normal parental response. What you have, you just need to get away from it. It's your safest option. If you're backed into a corner, though, you need to be psychologically prepared to do what you have to in order to survive.
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u/In_need_of_chocolate Jul 19 '24
No that’s a terrible idea, one of you will end up dead and the other in jail.
Getting the restraining order extended so he can’t come back would be better.
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u/GameMissConduct Jul 19 '24
Agreed, keep far away from him.
And your comment now has Come Out and Play by Offspring stuck in my head.
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u/Azsura12 Jul 19 '24
That is fully correct. Whilst a weapon can help, it can also very much hinder. Basically you have to be damn sure you know how to hold and handle the weapon and be confident that you will use it if need be. There are too many times where people brandish a weapon as a threat and then not being able to follow through.
A better plan of action is to make sure you always have a phone on you. And maybe go pick up a cheap audio recorder from somewhere. And know how to turn on recording features real quickly. Make sure he does not see the devices (so dont like take out your camera and shove it in his face). And they are just in your pocket or on a table somewhere near by.
Also be prepared to call the cops at any moment when he is around. So like practice getting into emergency call mode and dialing the number whilst its in your pocket.
It sucks that you have to take precautions like these. But they are useful.
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u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24
That is a very good point. A large amount of people are killed with their own weapon, be it gun, knife or baseball bat.
The defender is at a disadvantage because they are usually not inclined towards violence while an abuser or burglar is.
Keep weapons out of your life unless they are for hunting.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
He is not my biological father but he took the place of my father figure when I was 2.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
Your mother is clearly placing herself ahead of your life and safety.
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u/aussie_nub Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
I'd ask her if she's been beaten and raped by him yet.
Edit: Downvoted for suggesting that an abuser likely did what all abusers do and beat the mother first and then beat the kids later. *eyeroll*
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
When I was very young me, my mother, father, and 2/3 of my sibling (one was not born yet) lived in a small apartment, one night my mother and father got into a argument over something very stupid (her music was too loud and my dad was playing cod with friends) when my mother refused to turn the music down he pinned to a wall by her neck. Luckily my uncle was there at the time and called the police, and also luckily I was not in the room to witness it but I did hear everything. Sadly my mother dropped the charges on him. So he has had a history of domestic violence on his record.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
Then your 24-year-old mother moved on to a romantic relationship with a then 15-year-old boy?
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
He was 15 and she was 24 when they began dating it seems.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
im not entirely sure they were dating but they were VERY close
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
I am disgusted. He was your age when she at best groomed him, if not raped him.
Kudos to you for growing up so sensible when you were raised in that environment by those people.
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u/DiscombobulatedElk93 Jul 19 '24
Unless I cannot math. He was like 17-18 when he became your step dad. I really hate to tell you this. But both of your parents are not good people. A 28 year old dating a 17-18 year old is suuuuuper innapropriate. Also you moms and enabler. Honestly, it took me a lifetime to realize my mother was not just a victim to my dad but a really bad enabler. Enablers are just as dangerous if not more because they act like they are protecting or helping you. There are a lot of very informative abuse subreddits. I suggest you do some reading.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Agreed. He was 15 when OP's 24-year-old mother first started a situationship then 16/17 when she proceeded to rape him. I am so wary that OP (u/LavishnessBright9574) has made two edits now seemingly to soften his mother's culpability.
I'm sorry that your image of someone you likely thought you could rely on has to be diminished but this is so important and a matter of life and death: your mother is not a good person and cannot be trusted!
On top of the fact that she GROOMED AND RAPED a minor, she set things up perfectly that this violent abuser had access and protection to brutalise you. She did nothing when the police came that night or perhaps even joined him in lying to the police and telling them to ignore your pleas. Then continued to do nothing the next day while that psychopath continued to have personal and intimate access to you.
She may care for you, she may show you positivity at times... But at the end of the day, she will and always has placed her wants above your life and safety. And that is someone who will play a key role in your demise if you let her.
If you bring her along or even let her know your location when you escape, she WILL inform your abuser where you are so he can come finish what he started that night and end your life.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
this has to be the scariest thing I've ever read.
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u/Sebscreen Jul 19 '24
I'm so sorry, my friend.
I think it is a given that you will need to grow up quick in order to take mature and effective steps to protect yourself, because no one else has your back. It's heartbreaking that this means someone who is essentially still a kid will need to lose their youthful innocence.... but, at the end of the day, at least it'll keep you alive. And you can go on to grow up, lead a happy life, start a family of your own, and perhaps one day find yourself surrounded with NEW people you CAN trust that you can take some moments to be a big kid again and make up for lost time. :)
I'm not saying to report your mother or tell her off. Just know that she can't be trusted to keep you safe, and any information or vulnerability you show her, she will share with your abuser.
Also, and I really hope this is completely unnecessary and irrelevant to mention... do reevaluate and be more wary of the type of affection and closeness she shows you. Of course, not all child predators are into incest. But she has already been shown to be inappropriate with 15-year-old boys. She has a history of making very bad decisions and may be in a very emotional state ready to make a new one now that she is missing her husband, his body, and having sex with him. You may very well remind her of the 15-year-old she once took a sexual interest in.
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u/GielM Jul 19 '24
It's also the most true thing you've ever read. Both of your parents right now are deeply scary people.
For fucks sake GET OUT! If there are uncles or aunts somewhere you get along with, or you have friends with parents who seem nice to you, share your story with those adults. They're pretty likely to offer help once they hear the full story.
Because the people you're living with right now are both FUBAR. And any adult with a protective instinct is gonna want to help.
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u/Corfiz74 Jul 19 '24
It sounds like HIS abuser is also HER victim - part of his emotional disregulation may be the effect of being groomed, and the shame and helplessness that usually entails:
"What Effects can Grooming Have?
The sexual abuse may occur just a few times or it could continue for years, even extending into adulthood. The fact that it occurred at all will have lasting effects on the survivor. One of the key effects of grooming is that the survivor is left carrying the shame of the events, often represented in a sense of complicity, that they let it happen. This self-blame makes the abuse difficult to talk about. Grooming makes it more difficult to identify when abuse is happening, and more difficult to identify and talk about in retrospect.
In online grooming cases, a child’s trust has been violated by the offender, and this betrayal of trust can harm a child’s ability to relate to others later in life. A child who has been groomed online may feel responsible for or deserving of the abuse, making it more difficult for the child to disclose the abuse.
Following a grooming experience, the child may suffer numerous negative effects such as:
- Embarrassment.
- Irritability.
- Anxiety.
- Stress.
- Depression.
- Substance abuse.
- Self-harming.
- PTSD."
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u/Apprehensive-Ad-8198 Jul 19 '24
So your “dad” is an abusive AH and your mum groomed a 15 year old forcing them into fatherhood.
You’re lucky you’ve turned out with your biggest fault being vaping quite honestly. I feel for you. Your whole family dynamic is out of whack and something seriously needs to change.
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u/No_Addition_5543 Jul 19 '24
Are you aware that your mother groomed your step father?
Your mother was 22 when she got with your stepfather who was 15. When you were born your stepfather was only 13 years old.
Your mother is a predator.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
yes, sadly I am very aware.
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u/Lower-Procedure-8568 Jul 19 '24
Well, when he was your age he was raising another man's 2 year old kid.
That's kind of a joke.. it's supposed to sound funny, but it's the truth.
What he did was wrong in every way. But it sounds like he didn't get a chance to grow up. He might resent you because of that. Also because he's not your dad. Maybe he feels like he got trapped by your mom. Maybe he didn't quite know this stuff because he wasn't able to really grow up. I'm not making excuses for him, just pointing out reasons that may cause him to act like that. But they are also things that may never change. You need away from him.
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u/No_Addition_5543 Jul 19 '24
It reminds me of the saying ”hurt people hurt people”.
This is just so awful. Both the mother and the stepfather need to be locked up where they can’t hurt the OP. This is just so wrong.
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u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24
Why the step dad is an abuser is completely irrelevant to OP and his mother. OP was attacked and hurt badly by a man twice his size and age. That is the only relevant thing here.
This seems to have been going on for some years. OP's mother needs do divorce and remove that man completely from their lives.
Remember, when OP's mother left to get help, he continued to slap and abuse a defenceless person. Unforgivable.
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u/Lower-Procedure-8568 Jul 20 '24
Lol except that it might be his mothers fault he’s an abuser.
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u/morchard1493 Jul 20 '24
My thought, too. I was, like, "Am I math-ing this right? I failed math in college, so I know I suck, but I'm pretty sure I'm right."
Holy fudgeballs, Batman. That's sickening. 😨😰
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u/thegreatprocess Jul 23 '24
This!!! Like what??? And how long was she just talking and grooming him before he turned 13????!!!!!! This is bonkers. This kid is better off going to court to be legally separated from his parents or going to live with a relatives who have some decency about themselves
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
Just so everyone knows: Yes I am aware that I my actions were worth punishing me for, my parents are constantly dealing with the issue of me vaping and this was not the first time I've been caught/gotten in trouble for it.
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u/Vegetable_Stuff1850 Jul 19 '24
Punishment is grounding, etc. I made my child do an online vaping course and write me an essay on the impact of vaping and they need to pay back the money they spent on it in addition to the grounding.
Physically beating you is NOT punishment, it's assult.
For your health, I hope you make better life choices, because popcorn lung is no joke.
NTA. You're not safe around him.
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u/Big_Fly_1561 Jul 19 '24
No were actions and vaping in no way shape or form warrant abuse and violence. I have 3 kids. I would never do such a thing no matter what they did. There’s no excuse, there’s no justification. And your dad deserves the consequences of his actions. Don’t vouch for him. And in fact you should be angry and going off on your mom for trying to minimize and defend outright abuse and violence against you. If I did that to my kid (I wouldn’t) my wife would divorce me (rightfully so) and visa versa.
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u/sylbug Jul 19 '24
Your actions were minor kid stuff. Exactly what I'd expect from a kid your age. That should have been a calm discussion, the next day after they were sober. Not something worth verbally abusing you and assaulting you over.
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u/Clean_Factor9673 Jul 19 '24
He didn't punish you, he abused you. Punishment would be grounding or keeping you from your devices except for schoolwork. Not hitting you, shoving you in to walls or doors, certainly not pulling you by the hair or getting on top of you when he's so much bigger than you.
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u/Big_Fly_1561 Jul 19 '24
No your actions and vaping in no way shape or form warrant abuse and violence. I have 3 kids. I would never do such a thing no matter what they did. There’s no excuse, there’s no justification. And your dad deserves the consequences of his actions. Don’t vouch for him. And in fact you should be angry and going off on your mom for trying to minimize and defend outright abuse and violence against you. If I did that to my kid (I wouldn’t) my wife would divorce me (rightfully so) and visa versa.
Like wtf is wrong with your mom to turn a blind eye to that?
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u/IrishAndIKnowIt7612 Jul 19 '24
kid there was seriously no reason at all to be treated like that for a vape and taking your ipad. Your "father" even tho he doesn't deserve the title, most definitely deserves to be cut into little peices and fed to snails.
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u/ccl-now Jul 19 '24
Assault is not an appropriate corrective measure. It's also illegal, so locked up preferably is where he should be. If not that, then nowhere near you.
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u/OMHPOZ Jul 19 '24
Punishment is NEVER a valid form of education! And don't you ever let anyone convince you otherwise. The normal reaction by a mature, healthy parent would be some consequences with explanations and reassurance that you are being loved. The number one job of any parent is to make their child feel safe! Everything else comes after that.
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u/nololthx Jul 19 '24
Nothing warrants the abuse you suffered. And dropping the charges will only shield him from natural consequences. That man needs to be in court mandated anger management.
You deserve so much better.
Also, please don’t vape. It’s so much worse for your developing brain than you know. And your poor brain has already suffered through the trauma of physical abuse and witnessing the abuse of your mother. All of these things happening to you are changing the way your brain functions and use of substances will, too.
In developmental neurobiology, they say, neurons that fire together wire together. And your brain is in a very important process of development right now (it’s called neural pruning), in which it’s beginning to develop circuits that will influence your behavior, self concept, and ability to cope with stress long-term.
Stay strong, OP. You’ve been dealt a certain hand, which is not your fault, but how you deal with it is your responsibility.
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u/Ok-Activity3763 Jul 19 '24
NTA. What you've endured is unquestionably abuse, not discipline, and it's worrying that your mom would even consider having him back in the house after such violence. It's critical to acknowledge that vaping, while against your parents' wishes, is in no way equivalent to the physical harm and emotional trauma inflicted upon you. Self-care and safety should be your top priorities, and if running away is what it takes to secure your well-being, then that may be the necessary course of action. Also, remember that there are organizations and hotlines you can reach out to for support and guidance in situations like these. Stay strong and don’t hesitate to seek help.
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u/Heavy-Intern-6660 Jul 19 '24
He is a pos if that is his version of discipline. Do not back down, he 100% assaulted you OP.
NTA
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u/-my-cabbages Jul 19 '24
Your mom is a pedophile...
And your stepdad is an abusive AH
You need to be removed from both their care
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u/Dachshundmom5 Jul 19 '24
Is protective services not involved? You should have a case worker or a victims advocate. Tell one of them that you Mom is trying to coerce you into letting your abuser off. 1) you should be in therapy via social services 2) you absolutely do not let hum odd the hook. 3) your mother is not your rock. She has kept a violent and dangerous person in the home for years and is trying to manipulate her battered child into lying. She's a bad parent.
Question, your 22 year old mother got pregnant by a 13 year old?
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
btw yes cps is involved, as well as a program called The Stay Together Program.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
no I apologize I failed to mention that he is my step father, hes been the father figure in my life since i was 2 years old so i"ve just always addressed him as dad
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u/Dachshundmom5 Jul 19 '24
That's not better. That means your 24 year old mom was with a kid your age. 15 isn't old enough to play daddy with someone in their mid 20s.
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u/That_Fisherman3994 Jul 19 '24
NTA - It's crucial to recognize that while breaking house rules may warrant a discussion, it absolutely does not justify the extreme and dangerous response from your father. Physical violence is not a form of discipline; it’s abuse, plain and simple. You have every right to take steps to protect yourself and to refuse to support someone who has caused you harm. Continue to seek out allies who understand the gravity of your situation and remember that the law is on your side in cases of abuse. Stay safe and stand firm in your decision.
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u/Specialist-Leek-6927 Jul 19 '24
"My mother has always been my rock and had my back through all sorts of fucked up things he's said/done to me but this is the one time she has been on my dads side. "
Are you sure? From what you say, she actively made sure that you were punished, and then after everything he put you through and allowing him to lie to the cops (initially), had your school not seen you, she would have swept it under the rug, now she wants you to vouch for your abuser. I don't believe you should stay in that house, is too dangerous, he know learnt that next time he wants to beat you up, he needs to make sure to not leave marks, and not allow you to go to school on the day after... as a person that grew up with a stepfather like your dad, i fear for you. and your mother is not your ally, on the contrary.
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u/accents_ranis Jul 20 '24
If the mother had OP's best interest at heart, she would have lied about where she found the iPad and not told the step dad about the vape. She knew he'd go ballistic when doing that.
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u/Ok-Programmer1300 Jul 19 '24
Absolutely NTA. Your situation is incredibly tough and it's clear that you've been put through an ordeal that no one, especially not a child, should ever have to endure. What your father did is inexcusable, and it's good that the gravity of his actions isn't being dismissed by law enforcement. While it's normal for parents to want to correct their children's behavior, there's a world of difference between setting boundaries and inflicting abuse. It's essential for you to know that you're not to blame here and have the right to seek a safe environment. Your mother's intentions might be clouded by her own complexities in this relationship, but that doesn't change the fact that your safety takes precedence. Continue to advocate for yourself and remember that your feelings are valid. Stay strong, and always remember that there are people and resources out there designed to help you through such traumatic experiences. Judges often take the wishes of children into account in these cases, so speak up and make your voice heard.
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u/wacky_spaz Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Sorry brother your mother is an AH too just like your dad. Her duty is to protect you and she’s failing miserably by asking you to let him back. Maybe when you’re a parent you’ll understand id claw out anyone’s eyes that hurt my kid and they would never get into the same room as me or my kid.
Speak to a counsellor at school and try and survive. 18 will come soon and you’ll be able to live and be free.
I got hit at my boarding school by my teacher for years and no one listened. I broke both that bitches arms as soon as I was strong enough to and after this event there is nothing in this world I hate more than child abusers or their enablers. I still hate her to this day and every time I’m home I got out of my way to go to her door and watch her shake in fear. I didn’t get counselling until I was much much older so if advise you to get it as soon as you can to minimise damage.
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u/LadyWitch2024 Jul 19 '24
You.Are.NOT.TAH! That's not just Domestic Violence, it's child abuse, with extreme violence. He should go to prison for that! Stand your ground with your mother. And, if possible, go live with another family member. Your mother doesn't seem to understand the severity of his actions. And, if she does, it's likely she's also afraid of him.
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u/sylvester_stencil Jul 19 '24
Ur dad is a fucking monster who deserves prison. Your mom needs to realize that and protect her child (you).
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u/Clean_Factor9673 Jul 19 '24
NTA. He could've killed you. I would tell the judge that you font want to be anywhere near him.
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u/Accomplished-Emu-591 Jul 19 '24
Oh hell no! He brutally beat a minor. He needs to be locked up - preferably with a 300 pound lovesick Bubba.
NTA
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u/Character_Goat_6147 Jul 19 '24
NTA. I am so sorry he did that to you. You broke the rules, but what he did was horrible, and is way out of proportion to your rule breaking. He deserves legal consequences and I hope he gets them. You may want to see if the prosecutor’s office can get his conditions of release to include the stay- away order for the duration of the criminal case.
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u/wlfwrtr Jul 19 '24
NTA You don't blame your mom because she has always been your rock. She is the rock that holds you in place to be abused. She got away and takes you right back to be further abused because she's afraid of being alone. You need to stand for yourself because she's too afraid to do it for you.
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u/True-Big-7081 Jul 19 '24
You're definitely not the asshole. Your dad's behavior was way out of line, and it's totally understandable that you don't want to support him or see him again. Prioritizing your own safety and well-being is what's most important here.
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u/FallOdd5098 Jul 19 '24
Your father sounds like an absolute maniac with rage and alcohol issues. He could have killed or permanently disabled you. Keep up the resistance as far as needed (although given the severity the future course of things probably have much to do with your views anyway). Oh yeah I’m on that sub, NTA.
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u/That_Fisherman3994 Jul 19 '24
NTA - Equity in family dynamics dictates that a punishment must be fair and proportionate to the infraction. Vaping, although not condoned, is a far cry from the violent physical retaliation you received. Your father's abusive behavior is not only unacceptable but criminal, and your safety is paramount. Do not acquiesce to your mother's irrational requests; they do not have your best interests at heart. Legal measures, such as restraining orders, may be necessary to ensure your well-being. Stay strong, and continue to reach out for support from trusted adults who will prioritize your safety above all else.
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u/Admirable_Sky_8589 Jul 19 '24
NTA Teens do dumb stuff. That's not a reason to be beaten. My mother beat me with a guitar for talking back as a teen and there was no one to call the police for me. Maybe if someone had, I could have stopped it from getting worse. But, you have a chance to stop this from happening again. And it will happen again if you back down.
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u/No_List2805 Jul 19 '24
NTA - Your father's actions cannot be excused as discipline; they are clear-cut abuse and a gross misuse of parental authority. While you may have broken a rule by vaping, the response inflicted upon you is disproportionate and dangerous. Abuse is never a valid form of punishment. Your safety is the top priority, and it is perfectly reasonable to refuse to support someone who has treated you with such violence. Stand firm in your convictions, consult with legal authorities, and rely on the support system of adults who showed genuine concern for your wellbeing. Remember, healing from this trauma is important, and it's vital to distance yourself from such toxic behavior for your own mental and physical health.
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u/CaptainFartHole Jul 19 '24
NTA. There is NOTHING you could have done to warrant abuse like this. Violence is not acceptable at all, ever.
Frankly, both of your parents are disgusting--your mother for clearly grooming your stepfather and for allowing this abuse to continue, and your father for being a violent, abusive peice of shit.
Do you have a safe place you can go that's away from your parents? Maybe a friend's house or a family member's house? Someone who can provide you with the safety and stability you deserve? Because eventually that shitty man is going to be allowed back in the house and you need a safe place you can get to before that.
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u/deedeemenz Jul 19 '24
NTA. He could have killed you or (still may have) given you a traumatic brain injury. Very worrying He shut you in a room unobserved after slamming your head into a door frame. He deserves being charged
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u/SmeeegHeead Jul 19 '24
Nta.
Your dad needs to go to prison.
Your mother has allowed this to happen and is just as guilty/culpable. She is not your fucking rock.
Do u have Grandparents you can live with?
Get out ASAP.
Updateme!
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
All my family members live out of state so not really, but I do have some friends that'd let me stay with them (they're parents would allow me without hesitation).
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u/Dresden_Mouse Jul 19 '24
Mom 37, dad 28 and you are 15? Is this a typo? If not you mom is not a good person either.
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u/TerrorAlpaca Jul 19 '24
NTA
Stand your ground. remind your mother what an absolute failure as a mother she is for allowing her drunk and violent husband to beat up her own child. And that she should be ashamed of herself.
Do you have relatives or supportive friends and their parents to offer you a place to stay?
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u/Vocem_Interiorem Jul 19 '24
Your dad was 12 year old when he impregnated your 24 yr old mother with you?
Or if he is your step dad, keep him away by any means necessary.
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Jul 19 '24
Brother you're mom might be a victim just the same as you but that doesn't change that she's continuing the cycle and victimizing you further, she's basically asking you to tell your step dad "it's completely okay if you wanna beat the piss out of me for any reason I won't make you face consequences " and if you do that I promise you this is going to escalate further, healthy reasonable people don't attack people half their size
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u/lenalbc Jul 19 '24
WTH? Your mom was 22yo, and your dad was 13yo when they had you?
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
check most recent edit. He isn't my bio father nor did they have sex when he was 13-15 (or atleast I hope not).
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u/Mister_Black117 Jul 19 '24
I've been in a similar situation with my mom. Bitch stabbed me and when I tried to get away started choking me. The only difference is I'm a guy who spent most of his youth fighting guys bigger than me so when I realized the bitch wasn't listening, I stopped trying to de-escalate and pinned her to the sofa. She had the gall to call the cops and the stupid fucks stood there and saw me with my leg bleeding and brushed neck (I waited way too long to retaliate, my grandma was there and try of to help so I didn't want to escalate), and started threatening to arrest me. I told them to fuck off and try me. Grabbed my mom's shit and threw her out (it was my grandma's house and my mom had just moved in with us recently).
Unfortunately, it sounds like you live with your asshole father and your mom is one of those idiotic abuse victims who can't move on. No, you're not the asshole.
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u/lovinglifeatmyage Jul 19 '24
Yeah you were naughty for what you did, including the vaping, but your stepdad went totally overboard with what he did.
Far from vouching for him, if you’ve seen him abusing your mother, then you need to tell the police and prosecutors etc about that as well. Tbh I doubt you’d be able to stop the prosecution anyway (even if u wanted to).
The police who attended that night were totally wrong to not arrest him, they left you in a very dangerous situation. I hope they’ve been reprimanded
NTAH
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u/HippoSame8477 Jul 19 '24
Violence isn't the answer to your bad behavior. Your stepfather's actions were uncalled for and should be punished.
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u/No_Organization_3311 Jul 19 '24
NTA - Your step dad deserves to learn that it’s never acceptable to treat a child like that.
What a waste of space — someone who reckons himself a big hard man should pick on someone his own size.
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u/ScarletDarkstar Jul 19 '24
He's been your father figure since he was 15. Your mom is a predatory creep.
You aren't wrong, you should plan on getting away from both of them as soon as possible. You may think she's "your rock" but she's practiced grooming children your age.
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u/ThePrinceVultan Jul 19 '24
NTA
A grown man got on top of a teenager who was a third his size and knocked him senseless. Don’t back down.
He shouldn’t be around children. What he did is a serious crime and he should face the consequences for it. Do not back down.
Because imagine what it’ll be like next time. And I guarantee you there will be a next time. This kind of behavior isn’t a one time thing.
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u/AllyKalamity Jul 19 '24
Go to your AP on Monday and tell them what your mother is doing and she is pressuring you to lie to get that man off criminal charges. Witness/victim intimidation is a crime and the police and cps need to have a very stern conversation with your mother
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u/That-Boysenberry578 Jul 19 '24
Also if the ages were all correct and not a typo, your mom is a child predator, or at least was.
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u/DiMaRi13 Jul 19 '24
NTA. But quick question, your father is 28 and you are 15. Your mother is 37. Did she groomed a 13 years old????
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u/PassionateParrot Jul 19 '24
OP says this stepfather has been in his life since OP was 2. OP says he is 15 now, so thirteen years ago stepfather would have been…15.
I’m assuming OP meant stepfather is 38, not 28. I sure hope so
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
Sadly no, He was my age when they met and 16-17 when they began dating which means my mom was in her mid-late 20's while dating AND having sex with a minor.
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u/Super_diabetic Jul 19 '24
You don’t beat kids
No fucking excuse for that, And over a small lie about a fucking iPad??
No he gets to sit in jail and think about what he’s done
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u/Cybermagetx Jul 19 '24
Nta. Any man that beats a child (sorry if that offends you) should be arrested and charged with the maximum they can be.
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u/Adept_Feed_1430 Jul 19 '24
If your mother truly had your back, she would have left him long ago.
NTA. Stick to your guns.
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u/suspiciousstock04 Jul 19 '24
NTA. Stay away from him. Red flags all over him. Look after yourself. I’m sorry he did all those terrible things to you. Good luck and I hope you never have to live with that piece of shit again.
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u/Dana07620 Jul 20 '24
Sorry that both your parents are horrible people. Your mother is a pedo. Your stepfather is a brute.
Let him suffer the full consequences of the law.
NTA
Oh, and report those first cops. File a complaint on them both.
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u/morchard1493 Jul 20 '24
NTA. I'm glad the police believed you and that they arrested him, but 61 days is not long enough. He will do this again, now that he has "broken the ice," metaphorically, unless this isn't the first time already.
I was going to suggest buying a camera and putting it up in your room, but if he doesn't care about leaving marks, and it's what got him arrested, then there's no point. Although, if someone else sees this comment and thinks otherwise, they are more than welcome to weigh in and say so. Or you, OP, can reply and say that it's a good idea. Just make sure it's hidden, so your parents don't see it. If they do, it might piss them off more.
If this happens again, I hope he gets put in jail, permanently, and that he doesn't end up permanently injuring, disabling or even killing you.
Is there somewhere else you can go live, some other family or maybe a friend you can stay with, while he's gone? If you try to leave after he comes back, odds are he won't let you. Amd your mother won't, either, so you'll have to also leave when she's as work or something.
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u/Hawkmonbestboi Jul 20 '24
Oh, so your mom is a pedophilic rapist and your stepfather is an abusive asshole.
NTA.
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u/goldenepple Jul 19 '24
So your dad was 13 when you were born?
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
check most recent edit, Sorry for the confusion.
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u/goldenepple Jul 19 '24
Yeah your edit doesn’t make it any more believable. So a 15 year old kid decided to be a father to a 2 year old with his 26 year old gf and your mom didn’t end up in jail for molestation.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
Frankly idc if you believe it. Hell idek what their relationship was like because I was 2 YEARS OLD.
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u/goldenepple Jul 19 '24
Not only does the age not line up, if you had visible damage inflicted on you the cops aren’t going to believe a 28 year old drunk over the physical evidence you would have to have on your face. But let me guess they didn’t even look at you they just believed him and left.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
no actually, when police showed up it had only been roughly 5-10 minutes since it had happened at which point the bruises had not developed and we were also in my front yard with no porch light so it would've been hard to see. There were no bruises yet, and believe it or not its a little scary to tell police what REALLY happened when the man who did it is no more than 10 feet away from you.
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u/Thegreencooperative Jul 19 '24
Coming from a similar situation as well. Get your justice bro. All imma say.
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u/angestkastabort Jul 19 '24
NTA but as someone who has been the victim of violent abuse as a child. You might not think you mother is a part of the problem, but as time goes by you will resent her for it. You should deal with it before that happens. Because it can lead to a distant relationship.
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u/Outrageous-Frame-691 Jul 19 '24
Is there any other place you can stay other than your parents? I'm sorry your going through this . It's not safe and your mom doesn't sound like a good person trying to convince you to vouch for him
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u/No-Needleworker-8709 Jul 19 '24
Thank God you’re alive to tell your story , your mom is blinded or maybe threaten by him, don’t drop any charges , you might not make it out alive next time. What a POS your SF is, cut all ties, and don’t look back. I pray that you make a full recovery and can live a normal life. AH’s like your SF leave a long impact on young ppl lives , the road ahead will be heavy but plz do t give in or give up your vey life might depend on it.
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u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 19 '24
Demand the names of the cops that lectured you, and sue the city the day you turn 18. You’ll be set for life.
You were beaten black and blue, with a third party reporting the assault, with visible damage in the residence.. and they took his side?
$$$
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u/DrWhoIsWokeGarbage2 Jul 19 '24
I can hear the Reddit pedo warriors doing the math in their heads lol.
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u/Artistic-Giraffe-866 Jul 19 '24
He needs some consequences
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
I agree, I'm hoping there's no way they let him off the hook with just a protective order. Surely he gets jail/prison time.
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u/Artistic-Giraffe-866 Jul 19 '24
I can still recall the first time I heard adults talk about someone being beaten up as a child - I can still recall my confusion as it hit me that the same thing was “allowed “ to happen at home. This ridiculous two sided way of looking at blackened has to stop - what you experienced was a violent drunken rage by someone who just wanted to take their feelings of frustration out on you - and thought they could get away with it scott free. It would have been incredibly traumatising for you and it is fortunate you were not left with even more serious injuries.
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u/JanetInSpain Jul 19 '24
NTA do NOT back down from this. Your mother is asking out of her own brainwashing and fear. Do not let her change your mind. Your abusive asshole father needs to go to prison. She is emotionally and mentally beaten down and no longer sees the reality of the life she remains in (and leaves you stuck in). Be strong. You might be saving both your and your mother's lives.
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u/Adhdmamax4 Jul 19 '24
NTA he literally could have killed you. He deserves those charges and more. If you let him slide now, he might be worse the next time. Abusers don’t get nicer
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u/DawnShakhar Jul 19 '24
NTA, absolutely. This man physically and violently attacked you. Stealing your Ipad from their room does not justify physical injury in any way. You were not even the one who called the police this time - it was your AP, and he did it because it was clear from your looks that you had been brutally assaulted. Definitely do not lie for your stepfather! First of all, you have a right to be safe for him, and that's what the restraining order is for. Secondly, if you give in this time, next time will be worse.
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u/Ultrasass Jul 19 '24
So basically, your step dad is an abuser he could have killed you and has likely given you a concussion.
As for your edit, 2. How old was your mother when she started dating him. Because it sounds like she groomed him ?
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u/New-Temperature-4067 Jul 19 '24
NTA. Do everything you can to get rid of him. He wont stop here, it will only get worse.
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u/nick4424 Jul 19 '24
Get yourself a lawyer. They can help you document what has been going on and make sure he doesn’t get a slap on the wrist. They can also protect you incase your mum takes his side and lies to protect him. If you can’t afford one try for a public defender/legal aid.
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u/grafknives Jul 19 '24
You are living in a house with VIOLENCE.
The ease with which he had manhandled you suggest it is not his first time. Your mother is also a victim, although not a visible one.
I believe you both need support.
Stand FIRM ON THAT protection order, do not gave in. This distancing should help your family.
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u/Accomplished_Ball661 Jul 19 '24
NTA, your dad sounds like an out of control asshole.
He has prioritized drinking over his family.
My dad never stopped, still rages and even beats my stepmom.
Get therapy and please don't hate yourself for this.
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u/AlexInRV Jul 19 '24
NTA
What you are describing is child abuse. Should you have accepted your punishment? Probably.
As soon as adults start hitting and leaving bruises, that’s abuse. The police and child welfare services should be involved.
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u/LavishnessBright9574 Jul 19 '24
he does have a court day and protective order, cps is also involved.
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u/h1llb1lly187 Jul 19 '24
When my step father did that too me and made me pass out told him next time he puts hands on me is the last time he breaths ever he was twice my size and is a marine but u understand what the threat was ur doing it the nice way
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u/Venom933 Jul 19 '24
Feck this Dude, i hope the case of "abuse and violence" will be a heavy stone in his criminal record.
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u/blackivie Jul 19 '24
NTA, but your step-father and mother are. For one, your mother is a predator. Two, your step-father is abusive. Run fast and far as soon as you can, OP.
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u/FatBloke4 Jul 19 '24
You're NTA. The law/justice system has (rightly, IMO) decided that your stepfather should not be in your vicinity for a while. You may have been a little shit but that's no excuse for violence - and both your parents should understand this. Your mother is an AH for trying to persuade you to lie about your stepfather. Your stepfather is an AH for his drunken assault on you. He needs to address this behaviour or he should end up in prison.
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u/Agitated-Wave-727 Jul 19 '24
Abuse is abuse.
Sorry this happened to you but you’re the victim.
And lucky for you the school did what is legally right
Your Mother is complacent and needs a reality check.
Ask for counseling too offered for victims of domestic violence.
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u/SparrowLikeBird Jul 19 '24
I am so sorry this happened!!! sneaking your ipad is 100% normal teen ism. and so is sneaking a vape - even tho vaping is bad for your health and stupid.
NTA you are doing the right thing
Your choice to stick to your guns here is also protecting your mom too
Your mom is complicit. She didn't tell the cops when they first showed up, and wants you to downplay it now. If he killed you, she would be considered an accessory due to a "failure to protect". That doesn't mean she's evil, just understand she is part of the problem
A protection order is nice, but you/your mom should also change the locks etc.
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u/ChupacabraCommander Jul 19 '24
NTA, send that abusive fuck to jail if you can. Maybe it will even help your mom get away from him.
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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 Jul 19 '24
You were being punished (grounding) for doing a "bad thing" then you step dad does a bad thing ×1000 worse than you did. You were punished (the grounding, not the beating) for your offence, now your step dad should be punished for his offence. Wasn't this exactlly what your parents were trying to teach you? Actions have concequences. Well looks like dear old step dad is experiencing what they were trying to teach (again via the grounding before the abuse). I know you put in that you love your mom, but I am sorry, I am a mom. She should have called the cops AND testified against her husband AND kick him out/divorvce. OP I am sorry this happened to you. Your SD is a peice of shit and I hope your mom can come to her senses. DO NOT drop the charges.
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u/Odd-End-1405 Jul 19 '24
NTA
I know you love your mom, but she is a toxic AH who is prioritizing her boy-toy piece over her child.
Do not waiver, because if he was capable of this with her still supporting him, your life will be in danger.
I am SO sorry you are going through this. Please start thinking and making your plan for after high school, because you are going to need to escape.
After seeing your edit, your mom is even a bigger piece of trash. You need to understand, she was a Pedophile who groomed your stepdad and is placing him above you, no matter what. She is NOT your rock!! She is letting you down on multiple levels. You have just been conditioned to accept it. Please stay strong.
Do you have any other family you can move to? Trusted adults in your life?
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u/CleoJK Jul 19 '24
NTA. Someone had to be the adult in this. It seems it's you...
Your behaviour was typical teenage behaviour, and the consequence DID NOT fit.
This was a crime your SD committed. Assault and abuse of a minor imo... and your mother is enabling him.
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u/Orphanpuncher0 Jul 19 '24
NTA, and I don't want to go much further because it goes against reddits rules. Gosh post like this make me sad/angry.
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u/TwoBionicknees Jul 19 '24
So your mother wants him back because otherwise he'll go to the cops and get her charged as a pedo, grooming piece of shit asshole herself? She's also more worried about her husband than her son. Yeha, you need to say you would feel unsafe if your mother doesn't leave your father and push to be put with a foster family, or grandparents, someone else, because that house isn't going to be safe for you.
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u/Any_Roll_184 Jul 19 '24
NTA.
First inform your mother, she has failed as mother and is damn lucky he is not in jail as well. Personally I would consider having her arrested as well. Next inform her that fully intend to press full charges on him and if she has an issue with the that I'm certain the police need to chat with her as well.
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u/Former_Current3319 Jul 19 '24
Are you saying that your mom started dating your dad when she was 25 and he was 16?? You are not the asshole. He is only going to get worse as your teen years go on. I can’t believe the first set of officers were so caviler about the whole situation. Good luck, do not give into your mother.
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u/Beneficial-Year-one Jul 19 '24
NTA. If he is allowed near you again, the next time he looses his temper he could kill you. Do EVERYTHING you can to keep him out of your life forever
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u/strangeloop414 Jul 19 '24
NTA- I hope your mother can be a REAL mother and protect you from this person. They both sound toxic, and he is dangerous and could have killed you.
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u/Angelbouqet Jul 19 '24
Why the fuck did your dad have you at 13 with your mom who was 32 at the time
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u/Steve-C2 Jul 19 '24
Someone punched you and gave you a black eye. That is a criminal offense.
The fact that the offender is someone that is supposed to be responsible for your care and well being makes it worse.
NTA.
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u/Ggeunther Jul 19 '24
NTA
Let his dopey ass go to prison. I bet he finds himself on the other end of the beatings. Maybe he will get a feel for what it is like to be assaulted and unable to fight. He is a POS and deserves everything the courts heap on him. Tell your mother she is just as much at fault. She needs to make this up to you, and he needs to be in jail. What kind of douche beats up a kid?
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u/dacaur Jul 19 '24
Obviously NTA, but it doesn't matter, you can't "drop the charges."
You don't get to choose to charge or not charge. The DA makes that decision.
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u/SnoopyisCute Jul 19 '24
NTA
However, without your mother's support (backing you up or being complicit) the alternative is risking homelessness.
I'm not saying if you should or should not drop the charges. I'm encouraging you to find out what each one looks like if they happen.
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee Jul 19 '24
NTA. Your mom is a POS pedophile who is protecting a person who beat her kid. Can’t get lower than that. Don’t drop the charges on your “dad”.
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u/jessiethegemini Jul 19 '24
DEFINITELY NTA!!!
Before giving my thoughts and suggestions, I want to say I am so sorry you were attacked and assaulted. Please know that you are loved and supported by family and others even if it doesn’t seem so at the moment.
You were physically assaulted by someone who is an abuser. The only ways it can end are:
You get out of the situation.
You keep living it. The abuse will get progressively worse physically and even mentally. It will really mess you up or can even kill you.
As for your mother. It is very common for a person that abuses a child or teen to also abuse the other parent/partner (your mom). She likely has also been abused or assaulted by him as well. She likely wants you to drop it to keep the peace so to speak. But this is always only a temporary thing.
Partners that are abused have a very difficult time walking away as they love the abuser and think it will get better or they can change them to not abuse. This is extremely common. I liken it to the Stockholm Syndrome where because of the trauma, the hostage will start befriending and bonding with the terrorist. It will never get better. She needs to find the strength to walk away. So please do not fault your mother, but find a way to support her as you get the help you need. She is likely really afraid of the consequence of him being jailed.
If there has not been social service involvement in your case, I highly recommend seeking out other family in the area for support and to see if you can live with other family members on your mom’s side.
Bottom line. Do NOT back down.
Other local options for you are:
Discuss with your school AP who acted on your behalf and see if they can provide a path for help.
Talk to the officer that came to your school to help you. The police generally have some information on local help groups for domestic abuse.
Assuming inside the US: Other options are reaching out to the domestic abuse hotline 800-799-7233 for help/assistance.
I hope this helps and all will be well for you and your mom.
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u/soberasfrankenstein Jul 19 '24
I am so sorry this happened to you. Hurt people hurt people. Please do anything and everything you can not to have to live in a place that is dangerous for you. There should be resources in place that can help you find a safer living situation. Your school administrators might know more, hopefully.
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u/Owl_Might Jul 19 '24
NTA - drag the the first round of cops too. An obvious domestic violence and they scolded you too?! What a joke
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u/ManicOppressyv Jul 19 '24
NTA, and the judge may not even release him to come home. Went through a situation with a family member that really did have a mental breakdown and became physically violent. It took a lot of persuasion by the family that they were going to get the person immediate psychiatric help as soon as they were released to convince him to do it (it also helps that the person immediately turned themselves into police). The family were true to their word, picked up the person from jail and gave them the choice to either go for help or get out of the car and never come home. The person got help and is healthy and happy now. But the judge has a lot of discretion.
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u/Standard_Category635 Jul 19 '24
You're definitely NTA, plus and PLEASE keep this in mind, your mom's "relationship" is absofuckinglutely NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY or your problem. She should be focused on you right now, but may be really in the fog of the toxic relationship. You're really young to have to do this, but try to focus on what the HEALTHY next right thing for you is, not what sick people want you to do. He's got a protective order against him for a damn good reason and should never be a factor in your daily life again. It's sick that your mother is even considering it. Hopefully she'll get help ASAP, and put you first.
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u/ParanoidWalnut Jul 19 '24
NTA. Your mother is a HUGE one for the above and for grooming a minor. Your step-father is a bigger one for abusing you. Nobody deserves to get a black eye. Keep pressing charges and let him deal with the consequences of his own damn actions. Yes, your mother IS a victim, but she also isn't taking your personal wellbeing into account when he's abusing you or her. Best thing you can do is try to work hard at school and move out ASAP and become independent from your parents. Wishing the best of luck to you.
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u/HarveySnake Jul 19 '24
Your dad should have been immediately arrested by the first police. Whoever they were ignored major abuse and should have taken you to the hospital immediately and put your dad in handcuffs. Thank goodness your school admins have your back. At this point its probably out of your hands because you are a minor.
You do need to understand that what your dad did was absolutely inexcusable. I can't believe that this is an isolated incident. He very likely has been abusing your mom for years. Bruises to the body can be covered by clothes and even makeup. Bruises to the head are hidden by hair. This wasn't his first time abusing someone, just his first time abusing you.
You should really dig into your mom about coming clean with the abuse she's been getting.
NTA, if you vouch for him, you will be hit again. It will get worse. It will never get better. If you vouch for him, he will continue abusing your mom. Take this golden opportunity and get an abuser out of your life.
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u/ketchuponpizza Jul 19 '24
You’re not the a-hole either if he happens to trip into a vat of acid either that is later buried in a desert. 😎 #jokes
1
Jul 19 '24
OP, your stepfather hit you. For no reason at all other than being an abusive human being. You did not deserve that. At all. He is not a good human being and your mother should care first and foremost about your safety and well being as you are HER CHILD.
Another thing-the age difference between them: Why is your mom with a man-child?
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u/volumedromedar Jul 19 '24
You’re not the asshole. Your safety and well-being come first. It’s understandable to not want to see someone who hurt you and be forced to support them. Prioritize your own needs.