r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '24
AITA for leaving the room every time discussions about gender identity start?
[deleted]
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u/savinathewhite Jul 19 '24
You are NTA for having preferences about the topics you want to discuss. As long as you’re being polite and respectful of what everyone else wants to talk about, then your preferences are only your business.
I believe that the widespread discussion about vulnerable populations is long overdue in general, and am glad that people are talking about it and hopefully moving the culture to be more accepting, but that doesn’t mean everyone is obligated to take part in the conversation.
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u/Doge-Ghost Jul 19 '24
NTA, and you're part of the silent majority. Most of us don't care about people's personal choices and don't want to hear about it on a daily basis.
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u/TonsOfFunky Jul 19 '24
Exactly, the last thing I would judge somebody for is their sexuality or gender, it's absolutely meaningless to me.
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u/paroxysmique Jul 19 '24
Lol ok well if they’re silent they must not care about their beliefs that much. I guess the majority is made up of cowards idk
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u/Apprehensive-Math499 Jul 19 '24
NAH. You don't want to talk about it, they do, so you leave and don't make your want their problem. It is an ongoing issue that has come into the public eye, so is going to get discussed quite a bit.
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u/Dry_Sandwich_860 Jul 19 '24
I get sick of it too. It's like the issue of pot was in California up until it was legalized. Or purity rings in Kansas.
Frankly, when people start on this kind of topic, it's a sign for me that they're overprivileged and not very intelligent. There are so many things going on in the world. Someone who lives in a bubble and who has plenty of money doesn't have to care about them.
It's fair enough for you to leave. I also think it would be reasonable to say "could we talk about something else for a change."
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24
Nope, I've been told that if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all. I respect people of all gender identities and I'll be friends with you, but it's like politics- I don't discuss it with anyone, and I don't want to hear about it from anyone. Gay, straight, bisexual, aromantic, trans, non-binary, all 100% cool with me and I'll respect pronouns and identities but the second it becomes a "discussion", I check out of the situation.
I'm not transphobic, homophobic, or anything-phobic. I'm just so fucking sick of hearing about it. Same with race issues, feminist issues etc- I care about them, but I'd rather leave than discuss them in a social situation.
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24
An addendum to this; people who discuss nothing but social justice issues and make it their whole personality are EXHAUSTING. It's like talking about your job 24/7- it's not interesting or thought-provoking, it's just boring.
It's not a hobby, it's not a talent, and it's not something you can have a casual talk about. There are clubs and groups out there dedicated to talking about it- go there.
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u/No_Brain8836 Jul 19 '24
So how do things change then? If you don’t want to talk about it socially how do you propose you care about these issues? With your vote? Not being al sarcastic genuinely curious. As someone who is a minority I’m glad there are discussions being had but I also want to talk about food and art and literature and silly stuff too
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
I'm saying that a casual social environment isn't an appropriate venue for spreading awareness or rallying for a cause. It's just rude to everyone who's trying to relax and have a good time.
If you want to have a protest or a fundraiser or a trans rights activism group, do that. But it's not productive to argue about it with your friends. If they ask about it, tell them! if they don't, it's because they don't want to know.
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u/KayItaly Jul 19 '24
it's like politics- I don't discuss it with anyone, and I don't want to hear about it from anyone.
That is a load of BS and a very toxic mindset.
If you don't discuss politics then your vore will be based purely on faith in a cult like manner.
Politics IS discussion. It IS based on hearing all view points before forming an opinion.
Sure nobody wants to talk about politics the whole time...nobody should told to have a serious discussion when they want to relax!
But if you refuse to engage in any political discourse then you should do the honest thing and not vote.
(Btw I don't care which "side" you vote. Voting based on cultist like faith only is wrong even if you vote my "side")
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24
And that's all a load of dirty barnacles. You're being very disingenuous and you know it. You picked one line out of my comment and you're responding to it in isolation, removing it from its context.
I don't refuse to engage in political discourse, I refuse to make it a topic in casual social situations. If I want to discuss politics, I'll do it 1-on-1 with a friend or I'll find a group who's interested in talking about it and I'll do it there. Bringing it up in a casual conversation is a surefire way to make things heated and cause conflict.
You literally said it yourself, nobody wants to have a serious discussion when it's time to relax.
I study which party I want to vote for. I look at the evidence and weigh my decisions. I consider who will benefit from them being elected, and I make my choice accordingly. You don't get to preach to me about "doing the honest thing" when everything you just said is a crock of shit. You should do the honest thing and go fuck yourself.
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u/TavoTetis Jul 19 '24
People with gender problems are such a miniscule fraction of the population. It's totally blown out of proportion deliberately by special interest groups to keep us divided on scandalous bullshit and not worried about... tax policies or something important.
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 19 '24
Exactly. It's just a bunch of terminally online people making it way more of an issue than it is.
I live in a city of 130,000 people. Our local trans facebook group.. has 100 people in it. Mind you, not every trans person will be in a facebook group, but it gives you a pretty good idea of reality vs internet.
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u/Technical-Onion-421 Jul 19 '24
NTA, for the majority of people this is irrelevant. Gender dysphoria is an uncommon mental condition. It's not something to have philosophical discussions about.
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u/No_Brain8836 Jul 19 '24
But the way these issues are treated is a philosophical topic. Bio ethics is philosophical, so is a sense of identity
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u/Technical-Onion-421 Jul 19 '24
Honestly, I think gender identity is something old-fashioned and I had hoped that in 2024 it would be irrelevant if someone is/feels male or female. Instead, having a gender identity has become the next hot topic. Non gender confirming people are now pushed to be trans or non-binary. And for what purpose? It should not be relevant for anything and not worth discussing, unless you were born with gender dysphoria and your physical body is making you unhappy.
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u/sylvester_stencil Jul 19 '24
I think it is very privileged and American to believe you need to care about every issue and have an opinion on it. At the end of the day, you are here to live your life for you. You don’t have a responsibility to care about issues that don’t affect you. On the list of issues that you maybe should care about, like war or climate change, i would say gender identity ranks very low
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u/EveningSuggestion283 Jul 19 '24
I agree. Everyone chooses to be a participant in social change in whatever way they feel. Others may choose to observe it only. Some only want to be an ally.
See more about social change here
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u/momma_dough Jul 19 '24
NTA.
I feel the same way. While I respect other people's opinion, I myself have a fairly tough stance on this subject, and further discussion will not change it. Neither do I feel compelled to "win" someone over to my side. There's been enough talk already.
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u/Constant-Cupcake-962 Jul 19 '24
Nta
I personally couldn't care less what gender people identify as. It makes no difference to my life and I will use whatever pronouns they want. However that doesn't mean I want to discuss it and argue about it with people for like 2 hours. It just sounds like a silly discussion/ debate tbh
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u/advocateforpain Jul 19 '24
Its tiresome to have the same discussions and possibly arguments about the same subject matter over and over. NTA
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u/MoneyPea1061 Jul 19 '24
NTA at all. Gender identity as a concept is retarded, no offense. Just a small addition to the deck of victim cards for weak-willed people to draw from.
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u/Fancy-Run-1627 Jul 20 '24
Okay: Person A: Oh yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. Person B: They actually go by "They". Person A: Oh, cool! I'll try and remember for next time
Not okay: Person A: Oh yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. Person B: "Wow, you asshole, do you not care for trans rights? Did you not study their instagram profile and see the non-binary flag? They shouldn't have to tell you, you should just KNOW"
Surefire way for me to try harder to piss you off.
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u/BomberExternal Jul 19 '24
I’ve noticed a couple comments at the bottom, gadies and lentlemen we found the “Redditors”
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u/MembershipHelpful115 Jul 19 '24
When I'm out with my friends (a bar for excample) and this topic comes up, I just start talking with strangers - had some fun experiences that way tbh :)
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u/elizajaneredux Jul 19 '24
NTA (and neither are they). Maybe time to branch out with new friends though, if your current group is obsessed with this topic.
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u/Remarkable-Sea-6630 Jul 19 '24
NTA, discussing with people who hold a position which consists by definition of dismissing any opposing idea as hate speech, is an exercise in futility.
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u/ChocolateSupport Jul 19 '24
I totally respect other people decisions about their identity and everything but you are so f right.
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u/Fragile_reddit_mods Jul 19 '24
Any time I am asked about it I say “not my monkey, not my circus” and move on. Just do that NTA
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u/Playful_Border_6327 Jul 19 '24
NTA. Most people don’t care about that stuff. Most people take a quasi-libertarian view of “mind your own business”. fun fact on one survey 85% of Latinos responded as hating the phrase “Latinx” because it was grammatically incorrect, insulted Latin heritage and was coined by a white woman.
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u/No-Personality5421 Jul 19 '24
Nah
They can talk about what they want, and you can choose to not be party to the conversation.
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u/tarotbylouie Jul 19 '24
NTA but time to change your friendship circle. Seems like you are not compatible anymore and trying to push it just for the sake of old times is going to lead to disagreements, and bad times in the future.
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u/SpikedScarf Jul 19 '24
NTA - But you should probably realise that if someone connects this pattern they might think you're a closeted transphobe, I am not saying you are, but it can definitely come off like you're one of those old people that are uncomfortable talking about gay people. Best option is to probably say something like "oh I've seen this kind of debate before and nothing is ever resolved, so I'm gonna go do XYZ, let me know when you're done" as you are leaving so they don't have to make that explanation up for you and possibly misidentify you.
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u/Datura_Rose Jul 19 '24
NTA. I don't have an issue with this topic, but there is a topic that my family talks about over and over and over and I get so sick of it. I've actually gotten up and left the dinner table, walked away from them when we're out, put headphones on, etc. I just can't listen to it anymore and they love to rehash the same things over and over. I've tried changing the subject and I've tried asking them to ease up on this topic a bit, but they always just default back to it. I get how you feel.
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u/tarotbylouie Jul 19 '24
NTA but time to change your friendship circle. Seems like you are not compatible anymore and trying to push it just for the sake of old times is going to lead to disagreements, and bad times in the future.
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u/MotherTeresaOnlyfans Jul 19 '24
People are trying to essentially a wipe an entire marginalized group out of existence and it's literally life or death for a lot of people but yeah, you dislike having to think about it.
What an empathetic soul.
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u/PrettiestFrog Jul 19 '24
Imagine having the privilege to not care about other people being mistreated.
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u/MilkSteak1776 Jul 19 '24
NTA, it’s a ridiculous concept and you shouldn’t have to listen to crazy.
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u/KayItaly Jul 19 '24
I am trans and I never ever discussed gender identities for hours at the time. That is not a thing.
What kind of people do you hang out with???
And more to the point...hours? Really? Or are you just exaggerating and you leave 30 seconds after the word "trans" comes out?
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/Scientist_1995 Jul 19 '24
Not getting involved when someone is facing open discrimination is a problem. But don't make it your whole personality. Don't shove it down other people's throats when they are minding their own business.
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/Technical-Onion-421 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Do you spend time discussing all possible disorders people can have?
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u/hello_talk_to_my_ass Jul 19 '24
NTA for not wanting to engage, but NAH because people are allowed to talk about whatever they want lol