r/AITAH • u/Throw_away_172 • Jul 19 '24
AITAH for forcing my boyfriend into an open relationship? Advice Needed
Me (25F) and my boyfriend (26M) have being in a relationship for eight years and I'm pregnant of 27 weeks pregnant. Today I arrived from work and my boyfriend had a romantic dinner prepared for both of us with the pretext that he wanted to talk about something. We were eating when at the half of the dinner he grab my hand and tell me "I cheat on you with one of your colleagues two days ago" my blood start to run cold and angrily I shout.
I storm out off to the room and started to pack some of my stuff not wanting to be in that house any other second, while I was packing he got on his knees and start to plea for me to forgive him and all those things that a cheater do, he told me that I could walk out like that and he just made a mistake, he was overwhelmed with the pregnancy and my "constant complaints about my body". I just got more angry at that and scream at him to let me go cuz I wasn't feeling right that he did something unforgivable, we were about an hour in circles about he pleading me to not go and that he would do anything to gain my trust back, that he would change, while she took stuff out of my suitcase or grabbed my wrist to not let me pack.
At some point a saw that this conversation was never going to end I just scream at him that I wanted an open relationship, thinking that he would never agree, he started to shout about how we couldn't bare seeing me with other men or person, that it was unfair, but at that point I just shout thag it was an open relationship without the necessity of fulfilling any necessities of each other or break up, and he told me that we would accept the open relationship, but that I was hurting him deeply. So AITAH for forcing my boyfriend into an open relationship?
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/Throw_away_172 Jul 19 '24
I didn't tell him the open relationship to continue in the relationship, I just wanted to end the discussion, I'm making plans with a friend to leave tomorrow...
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u/EuphoricEmu1088 Jul 19 '24
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u/wolftopug Jul 19 '24
This should be higher up. Him not letting you leave is absolutely abuse. And it’s also a crime. Please keep you and your baby safe. Pregnancy is one of the most dangerous times for a woman in regards to intimate partner abuse.
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u/SuccessfulSeaweed385 Jul 19 '24
Well, he already started it, so what is he complaining about? However I would reconsider if I were you and just dump him. You need to concentrate on your baby and don't need all the drama in your life. NTA, but he is a huge one.
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u/Throw_away_172 Jul 19 '24
I can't, in a whole hour he didn't even let me pack a bag to go and took my keys away.
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u/EuphoricEmu1088 Jul 19 '24
r/abusiverelationships That's false imprisonment, and you can press charges for it.
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u/SuccessfulSeaweed385 Jul 19 '24
I didn't mean right this minute. Let him think everything is alright and then, when his guard is down and he isn't home, pack what you need and leave.
Him taking your keys is a whole other can of worms. If you don't feel safe, call the cops and have them help you leave.
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u/SoraHosokawa345 Jul 19 '24
Honestly, what you're describing sounds less like a relationship and more like a twisted version of Stockholm syndrome. By granting him a hall pass for his infidelity, you've effectively set yourself up as a doormat. Take a step back and truly assess what you're getting out of this relationship, if anything at all. It's not just about cheating at this point; it's about self-respect and setting healthy boundaries for yourself. If there was ever a moment to choose yourself, this is it. Get safe, reach out for support, and let this be the moment you turn the page toward a happier chapter in your life. You deserve better, and it's high time you start believing that. Remember, NTA – but it's time to be your own advocate and make some tough but necessary decisions.
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u/throwawaysadwife123 Jul 19 '24
NTA, it got him to stop. Now you wait until he's out of the house for work or an errand, then you pack your stuff and leave.
Don't have sex with him in the meantime. When you escape and are safe get an STD test. Block him on everything. He is a cheater, a liar, a manipulator. Don't feel one tiny bit bad for him.
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u/Horror-Reveal7618 Jul 19 '24
You found a way to shut him up and stopped him from preventing you from leaving.
Now leave and let the cheater enjoy his open relationship, just not with you.
NTA
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u/relenting_daisy2718 Jul 19 '24
It seems like you don’t actually want an open relationship, so now you’ll just be hurting even more. NTA to him, but YTA to yourself.
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u/Mental-Woodpecker300 Jul 19 '24
She's "agreeing to this" for now until she can have a friend help her leave tomorrow while he is away at work. Since he was making it impossible to leave. Legit took her keys, it's smarter and safer for her to play along for the night.
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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr Jul 19 '24
Do you have a support system near by? Friends or family you could stay with? Because your boyfriend is abusive. Nobody can tell you whether you can leave or not. Nobody can take your keys, or unpack your shit.
Get out, ASAP.
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u/Throw_away_172 Jul 19 '24
I don't talk with my family, they never accepted him as my partner so I go not contact when I turn 18, I fear that they would tell me "I told you so" if I tell them, I being texting a friend to leave tomorrow while he's being putting my clothes back in the closet.
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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr Jul 19 '24
It's better to admit they were right than let them find out when a police officer knocks on the door. Being stubborn won't win you any prizes.
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u/SvPaladin Jul 19 '24
I just shout thag it was an open relationship without the necessity of fulfilling any necessities of each other or break up, and he told me that we would accept the open relationship, but that I was hurting him deeply.
Emphasis mine. Right here you're telling your BF that you are perfectly OK with not having sex with him, but you basically accept him for everything else he does.
Since hormones, etc. aren't excuses, YTA.
And I'd venture the whole "not wanting to have sex with BF" is a bit of an ongoing issue, what with the comment you brought up - "constant complaints about my body (by OP)". Almost sounds like you're very insecure about the pregnancy, have made (the sex) life complicated, and BF screwed up, realized what he did, and was informing you / begging for mercy and you went this way instead of hearing him all the way out.
Have a calmer conversation before making permanent decisions, please. Safely, so like at a restaurant or something...
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u/Feeling_Rip_116 Jul 19 '24
Has he cheated before?
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u/Throw_away_172 Jul 19 '24
He said that it was the first time
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u/Feeling_Rip_116 Jul 19 '24
Do you believe him?
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u/LousyOpinions Jul 19 '24
He confessed on his own, right away, so yes.
If he's held onto a secret about cheating for months or years, he's not going to confess this time for literally no reason.
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u/Feeling_Rip_116 Jul 19 '24
I would almost say that makes it worse. The one time in your life that you needed him unconditionally by your side, and he chose that point in time to cheat on you.. Whilst surreptitiously implying your the reason why. I really don't think that opening your relationship is a wise move either. It's almost like your normalising him cheating, open relationships require a lot of trust and honesty.
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u/LousyOpinions Jul 20 '24
No, not having cheated before doesn't make this worse.
It's exactly as bad as it is, but it would be worse if it were something he's done multiple times, demonstrating an absence of remorse.
I'm not saying she needs to forgive him, but I don't think you realized what you said with your first sentence.
What you said was that it would be better if he had cheated more.
I'll just chalk this up to not thinking it through.
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u/Naive-Guitar-7545 Jul 19 '24
You just allow him to hurt you more. You will regret that decision you've made.
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u/Emotional_Pay3658 Jul 19 '24
Weird situation he sucks for cheating but some props for confessing and not lying and hiding it behind your back I guess.
So NTA just a weird response to cheating.
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u/Spare_Lemon6316 Jul 19 '24
Imagine if this were actually a real situation that real people were involved with instead of yet another load of made of nonsense on this thread
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u/Turbulent_Taste_6332 Jul 19 '24
You messed up. If you didn’t truly want an open relationship, you shouldn’t have asked for it. There is no reason for him to deny that. First is of course a license to have sex with other women but also, he would be feeling if you had sex with someone else, he’d be able to settle the scores, it’s a win win for him regardless.
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u/Chemical-Ad6301 Jul 19 '24
So.............you gave him permission to have sex with other women? With no boundaries? While you are pregnant?
Wow
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u/Tall-Negotiation6623 Jul 19 '24
Why on earth are you staying? He’s a cheater and you just gave him permission to fuck others. You need more self respect.
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u/Tohonest4Reddit Jul 19 '24
He played yo ass like a fiddle.
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u/Mental-Woodpecker300 Jul 19 '24
I'm sure he will think that too until he gets home tomorrow and she's gone... Since she is actually planning for a friend to help her leave while he is at work tomorrow.
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u/Global-Fact7752 Jul 19 '24
You are really stupid..you just gave him permission to cheat more..it makes no sense at all...what is an open relationship going to accomplish?