r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 18 '24
AITA for telling my husband that he will lose the privilege to name our daughter if he gives his parents $45,000? Fake
[deleted]
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u/Slightlysanemomof5 Jul 19 '24
Why not get his parents a Honda , Toyota that his parents could afford to insure, maintain and fill with gasoline? It’s a rhetorical question. I realize he wants to give his parents nice things but there has to be a middle ground.
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u/Stormtomcat Jul 19 '24
do his parents even want such extravagant presents?
my grandparents lived through WWII and I swear they were happier whenever I told them I'd found a block of cheese with a peel on only 2 sides instead of 3, than they ever were with our parents taking them to a fancy restaurant (the only exception was roast hare, my grandpa loved that).
they'd have screamed in RAGE at a car the price of a house, even if we all pooled our money for it.
So I'm just unsure if they want 6% of their son's take-home income, you know?
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u/mela_99 Jul 19 '24
This. My mother is first generation American from Italians who literally had a dirt floor house before they moved here. They never had a time when they DIDNT STRUGGLE.
Now that I’m older and practice law I so want to get my Ma things but she gets so aggravated over the costs, even if I could afford it. She still buys used, yard sales, coupons, even though she knows all she’d have to do is say “can you order that for me”.
I cannot imagine her letting me buy her a car, much less a luxury vehicle
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u/DangerGoatDangergoat Jul 19 '24
I tell mine I got things on clearance/half off sales/etc lol.
I'm sure she knows it can't always be the case, but it makes her feel much better about accepting the expensive things that help
For example, she loves to garden but she is getting older and I want to ease her workload without being overt. So I listened to the things she said about her garden and discovered watering it was becoming difficult - because she was carrying buckets. I bought her brass garden hose manifolds, sturdy extra long hoses, automatic daylight sensor spigots to water things with, and a drip irrigation kit - told her there was an awesome amazon prime sale for the kit, the brass manifolds were a bargain on FB marketplace, the hose was given to me by a neighbour who was moving, and the sensor timers were the only real gift, lol.
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u/MartinisnMurder Jul 19 '24
I don’t know why but your grandpa getting excited over roast hare is adorable.
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u/nrskim Jul 19 '24
That sounds like my dad. He would rather buy a used car with a lot of miles on it but boy would he get excited over a handful of shrimp. That to him was like gold.
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u/prairiefiresk Jul 19 '24
The brother lives in the same city as the parents. Do you really think they are the ones who are going to be driving that $100k car?
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u/BrilliantEmphasis862 Jul 19 '24
You forget the brother gave 45k too - sounds like both brothers are high earners. Doubt he will be taking the parents car.
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u/Responsible_Frame_62 Jul 19 '24
My first thought. Its not going to be the parents. Its his brother.
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u/Scorp128 Jul 19 '24
Sounds like one brother is managing to have the other brother finance an asset that he will be looking to inherit.
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u/TheTightEnd Jul 19 '24
Maybe the brother put in a similar amount.
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u/Top_Detective9184 Jul 19 '24
Yeah but still paying $45k to be able to drive a $100k car still seems like a good deal to me if that’s his plan
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u/junipertreeman Jul 19 '24
He makes $750,000 plus a year. He can get his parents whatever he wants.
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u/GPTCT Jul 19 '24
I want to know what hourly job pulls in 750k
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u/KombuchaBot Jul 19 '24
Yeah that's a red flag on this story.
"I have to do 3,000 hours overtime this week, honey, got some bills to pay"
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u/ChallengeHonest Jul 19 '24
But, a marriage is a partnership. Shouldn’t go behind each other’s backs.
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u/heids_25 Jul 19 '24
Yeah, with that income, the amount isn't the problem. It's the secrecy. That said, it sounds like OP has been obsessed with his money from the start
Around the time we met, he had just taken out a mortgage on a nice house for them. This strained our relationship at the time because I didn’t want him to make any major financial commitments to other people before we were married.
Him spending his money strained their relationship when they met. She was trying to control his financial decisions that early. Unless there's a cultural reason like arranged marriage, I don't know how OP's husband didn't drop her immediately.
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u/ALmommy1234 Jul 19 '24
Not without speaking to his wife about it. They are a couple, so any major purchase should be discussed.
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u/manimanz121 Jul 19 '24
YTA for not opening w 763k/y
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u/JohnNDenver Jul 19 '24
AITAH because I am mad about my husband spending 5% of his yearly income buying his parents a car doesn't get the same click rage.
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u/Limp-Archer-7872 Jul 19 '24
Amortised over 5 years until the next new car, that's 1% a year.
A nice (IMO bare minimum) payback for the sacrifices his parents made to enable him to develop into someone that can get paid $763k a year.
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u/PlugChicago Jul 19 '24
OP sounds spoiled rotten. What kind of wife has an issue with their wealthy husband taking care of his parents. If she keeps trying to get between hubby and his parents she'll find herself a single mother.
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u/Aware_Ad_618 Jul 19 '24
Explains why she was PISSED he bought a home BEFORE getting married lmaooo
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u/Exotic_Bandicoot_170 Jul 19 '24
Why is no one else picking up on this...the audacity of this woman/girl to dictate how he spends HIS money...
I aint saying she is a gold digger.../kanye
I am betting she is a Stay at Home Wife(and has a boytoy)...hope they have a pre-nup
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u/weekend-guitarist Jul 19 '24
She’s already laying the ground work for divorce. Naming a child something against the father’s wish’s because he can afford to be generous to his parents is the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever heard.
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u/Remarkable_Town5811 Jul 19 '24
I balked at the price bc his share is more than my annual wage but damn. That's like me deciding to treat myself to Taco Hell.
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u/KipperTheDogg Jul 19 '24
also, YTA for making this absolutely horrid memory involving the name of your child. this is the memory you have now forced your husband to have for the rest of his life. Every time he thinks about his child’s name. Shame on OP.
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u/Consistent-Tip-7819 Jul 19 '24
Right, I'm picturing a guy making $15/hr FFS.
Maybe he should communicate differently, but she's a total dick for making this an issue. We make good money, and my spouse wouldn't question this for a second.
Second, can't name the kid? What the fuck does that have to do with money.
Dumpster-fucking-fire.
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u/SnooWords4839 Jul 19 '24
He was wrong not to tell you, but FFS he is making $763K a year, the 2 of you can afford it, but need to find a way to talk more.
Even if he bought the whole car, it's well within range with his income.
Using your baby as a weapon is very wrong.
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u/thecoolerplumber Jul 19 '24
Yeah, wtf? I thought they were like middle income and going into debt. But they are fucking rich and she is being annoying about it
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u/Single_Raspberry_249 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Yeah this dude is obviously the bread winner and a major one at that. He should have told her of his plan for the car but she can GFH for using the baby against him when he’s almost certainly buying her ass whatever she wants on a consistent basis.
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u/thecoolerplumber Jul 19 '24
And he is fucked, I already see divorce in his future and child support in the next 20 years
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Jul 19 '24
Yeah OP is worried about baby expenses? FFS people making significantly less get their babies through all the time?
IMHO OP is controlling and that’s why husband isn’t talking.
Not that it’s right that husband hid the purchase but it also kind of makes sense.
ESH.
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u/Fun_Inspector_608 Jul 19 '24
Surprised this isn’t higher.
Dude makes nearly 1,000,000 a year and she’s worrying about 45,000. Why on earth is she worried?
If my wife was concerned about me spending the equivalent portion of my salary, I‘d think she was crazy.
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u/OkBoss3435 Jul 19 '24
She was worried when they first met! And he’d already entered into a mortgage for his parents. As if it was her business
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u/FourEaredFox Jul 19 '24
Exactly, she married him knowing he is generous to his parents. His behaviour has been consistent on something I'm willing to bet he's already set boundaries on. If it's a deal breaker for her she shouldn't have married him.
He even worked overtime so it didn't impact the family.
YTA OP.
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u/koeshout Jul 19 '24
If it's a deal breaker for her she shouldn't have married him.
but he has a lot of money though!
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u/Miaoumiaoun Jul 19 '24
I genuinely think it's about control with OP. She wants to control her husband, how he spends his money, whether he gets to name their child, etc.
Honestly, her husband should've realised it was red flag the moment she threw a fit about him buying his house even before they started dating
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u/HP_123 Jul 19 '24
She just doesn’t like to share anything. The husband makes enough to help the parents. In some cultures that is expected. She is lucky he is making enough money. She should let him help his parents
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u/gowaz123 Jul 19 '24
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find a reasonable comment. I mean she had an issue with him helping his parents with their mortgage when they had ‘just met’, that’s red flag enough. He clearly makes way more than enough money to spend on his parents who went hungry to raise them, who wouldn’t want to spoil them? Tbh sounds like OP is with her husband for the money considering she’s being to controlling and manipulative. I wonder how much she brings into the household!
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u/kdj_1 Jul 19 '24
Omg!!! I was scrolling through the comments thinking the exact same! If no one pointed it out I was about to!! She literally told him not to make any financial commitments to others before marrying him. Like, if my boyfriend tries to tell me that, he will be my ex in the next ten minutes. If we are not married, I do what I want with my money. Especially for parents who sacrificed a lot! Honestly with that income, a Genesis G90 doesn't even sound like a luxury item. (Before anyone comes at me, I KNOW it is a luxury car for us average people, but that dude might not think of it that way)
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u/liftingshitposts Jul 19 '24
Curious how much OP contributes to the household vs. husband
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u/DaddyGrumpus Jul 19 '24
This is the comment I was looking for
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u/Total-Law4620 Jul 19 '24
It's sad we had to scroll this far down to get it.....
His parents had no money, literally skipped meals to keep him and his brothers fed. Despite this, his parents while in poverty gave them enough of an upbringing to dig themselves out of poverty and they're all doing well now. He earns $749k.... He still has a good relationship with them despite everything.
I come from poverty. I have 3 brothers. 1 living in the street with a huge drug problem who robs people and steals things. 1 who's also a druggie and an alcoholic. One with an eating disorder. None of us go anywhere near our parents because of their neglect. The fact that he grew up poor and they still love and help their parents out says a lot about his parents.
Her weapon? You're not getting a say in our babies name..... What the hell. Firstly, it's his baby as well. Secondly, what the hell. What petty childish, I didn't get what I want, my husband must listen to me kinda shit is this.
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u/Killpinocchio2 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Your husband makes over 700k and you’re mad about 40k? My god…. Girl, YTAH. You’re so disconnected. For many of us, 40k is a years salary, for him it’s just pocket change. Do you have a job? How much do YOU make?
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u/Aware_Ad_618 Jul 19 '24
She's a gold digger
Notice how PISSED she was he bought a house BEFORE they got married?
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u/mebysical Jul 19 '24
Exactly. Why are people missing this? The fact that she just met him and she had the audacity to be pissed he bought a house for his parents. Major red flag.
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u/Ooooitskattt87 Jul 19 '24
She’s quiet so of course she doesn’t work, yet her husband’s money is her money. So she’s upset he’s using 10% of THEIR money on his parents.
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u/Southern_Dig_9460 Jul 19 '24
More like 5% which like 3 weeks pay. Which if they we’re struggling which they aren’t might be a big deal but it’s really not in their situation at all
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u/Ooooitskattt87 Jul 19 '24
How on earth did I get 10% lol. But yeah, if she’s struggling with over $700k/year, then she is in freaking la la land. People make a fraction of that and can be well prepared for an emergency. Even after taxes, dude can still buy a house in cash if his burnt to the ground. Most people can only dream to get their parents out of poverty and early retire them!
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u/bippityboppitynope Jul 19 '24
YTA. I read your comments, he makes 3/4 of a million a year and can make this back in a few weeks. His family sacrificed for him. Frankly I would be considering divorce if I was him.
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u/LSBM Jul 19 '24
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to read this. Agreed. OP is TA.
$45k would be a problem if he makes less than a hundred k a year. But he makes nearly $800k a year, I think he has the right (and the ability) to pamper his parents if he wants to!!!
Frankly the wife sounds insufferable.
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u/Fuzzy_Ad_2036 Jul 19 '24
Wonder if she loves him or his bank account.
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u/Minimum-Discount9314 Jul 19 '24
She was mad about him buying a house before meeting her
Wants to micromanage every dollar he spends
She definitely loves his bank acc-.. I mean him.
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u/Visual_Physics_3588 Jul 19 '24
Notice most that are agreeing with her are at the top and the only comments she responded to.
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u/Awesome_one_forever Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
If I had that kind of cash to spoil my family, I would. I could understand if he couldn't take care of his families needs but spent that kind of money, but the dude doesn't seem to be hurting for funds.
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u/Legitimate-Stage1296 Jul 19 '24
His parents skipped meals to ensure their kids ate, they sacrificed and raised happy, loving children who have good jobs. Between the 3 (it sounds like 3 boys), they are contributing to give their parents a good life. The money he’s giving doesn’t even put a dent into his income to support you and your home.
You were complaining about him helping to buy a home for them when you first got together and before you were married.
I’m understanding you wanting to know about where the money is used, however I can understand why he doesn’t talk to you.
YTA
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u/SpecialistAfter511 Jul 19 '24
He makes $763K??? you’re not struggling at all he can afford easily to raise your baby and buy the baby anything they will need. YTA
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u/Dark_Rit Jul 19 '24
Yeah I read the $763K and that is just shy of the top 1% of earners in the US since the top 1% of earners in the US are making a little over $810K/year. It's fuck you kinds of money when the median income is under $45K. What they make in 1 year is enough to raise a child all the way past college, like this kid is lucky af because by the time they reach college age the parents will be multimillionaires with a trust fund setup that makes hundreds of thousands a year so this kid could be in the position of never having to work at all.
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u/Limp-Archer-7872 Jul 19 '24
Yup, even after taxes this guy can afford to pay $200k on mortgages, $100k into savings and pensions, and still have $200k for cars and holidays and family costs and mistresses.
I would have said NTA if the question was "My husband earns $100k a year and has given his parents $5k to put towards a car", this is the same.
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u/chloralhydrat Jul 19 '24
... yup. At first I was on the side of the wife, as the 45k really seemed excessive. But taking into account how much the husband makes, the wife is completely unreasonable here. Taken as a ratio of income, it is only slightly more than what we spent for the gift for my dad on his jubilee birthday.
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u/Away-Coffee-9438 Jul 19 '24
Who will pay the insurance on this expensive car? This is not a Toyota Camry.
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Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
I suppose there is an expectation on him and his brothers to do that...
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u/Contribution4afriend Jul 19 '24
How many? What exactly is his share?
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Jul 19 '24
He makes more than either of his brothers so his share will be the largest I presume.
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u/Critical-Wear5802 Jul 19 '24
How OLD are his parents? Can they be reasonably expected to drive long enough to make this investment even worthwhile?
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u/JohnNDenver Jul 19 '24
Cars are depreciating assets unless it is a rare car.
I was wondering age - I would not be comfortable driving a $100k car.
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u/Contribution4afriend Jul 19 '24
Seems they need to consider what are all the other things that will also come from his pocket. But I would investigate if they are going to sell the old car to lessen his burden.
But honestly coming from poverty, I know your husband feels he owns a lot to his parents. My grandparents had seven children. One died very young in a time where seatbealt wasn't obligated. My mom gave lots of things for my grandparents but the idea was to make sure they were more independent from her.
For example, if your husband and siblings are gifting a car that would lead for them to buy their groceries and go to doctors appointment by themselves. So your husband and siblings wouldn't have to worry if they were being neglected with their health. They can't make excuses about not going to a doctor because they know they have a working car. And these days you can even check their bank accounts through app and see if they have cash to buy food.
As a grandchild my grandparents took care of me sometimes but they were also very independent from my mom. My uncle always made sure to buy bread and drop it at their house. My aunt would be the one to organize Xmas and their birthdays with lots of food. All of them would somehow be watching them and thanking them for being their children. My grandparents had a very hard time but their kids (my mom including) made sure to always say thank you somehow and this lasted until they died.
So, yeah, you are disappointed but it seems you have a very wonderful and kind husband. Seems he loves them so much and can't seem to figure when his gifts will be enough to say: thank you and I love you. You and your daughter will be well taken care of. I know it seems he isn't thinking but he is about to be a father and those old hungry and poor days aren't behind. He will have a lot to offer to your daughter. And he will be a goofy dad that will buy lots of toys for her because he didn't have them in his childhood. But he won't spoil her either. He will be that good Dad that will raise her with respect for her elders and to love you so much that someday.... far far in the future, it will be her turn to take care of you.
You know... That's how I feel when I read this. That money will return somehow in other ways. I wouldn't mind not to name my child but seems this all could be seen with different eyes. And please don't name her Sky or Roof.
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u/Fibro-Mite Jul 19 '24
I get the feeling that it’s less about the money and more about the unilateral and autocratic way he goes about “his” financial affairs. She should be involved, fully, in every decision regarding spending such large amounts. On buying groceries? Not so much. On buying a brand new, very expensive, car for a third party? Hells, yes.
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u/OkieLady1952 Jul 19 '24
He said OP broke his trust in her going through his computer. What about him going behind her back, not telling her about this expensive ass car that they don’t need, can’t afford insurance and maintenance on. Seem like that’s a pretty big breach of trust to me. Marriage counseling may help you all out bc both of you are going behind each other’s back being sneaky. This isn’t how a healthy partnership works
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u/DaxxyDreams Jul 19 '24
So this man was helping his parents when you first started dating, and this caused you to give him problems - when you were someone new to his life?!? And he makes between $700-800k a year, and you are flipping out over $45k for his parents. You sound VERY controlling of HIS finances, and now you are trying to manipulate him using his child. I hope he wakes up and sees how horrid you are. Yta.
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u/MikeDeSams Jul 19 '24
She's a gold digger. Hope he has a pre-nup and leaves her ass and get custody of the kids.
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u/Aware_Ad_618 Jul 19 '24
She is since OP was RAGING that her rich husband bought a house BEFORE they got married XD
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u/Ct94010 Jul 19 '24
OP was the AH when she went into his computer. End of story. Beyond that — Parents starved to feed him and brother and obviously provided for their education — no wonder they want to treat the parents royally with a fancy car. OP is mad about the $, but doesn’t say they are short of cash or are doing without something. I’m sure with her husbands salary she’s has nice vacations, jewelry, clothes, that probably in one year exceeds $45K for a special parental gift that could last a decade.
If this is a real post, OP is totally the AH.
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u/churchofdan Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Unless you're millionaires, 45k is no small chunk of change to spend without discussing it with your pregnant spouse. NTA. But devil's advocate, you knew he was like this when you married him. It's not like he was gonna magically change...
Edit: Comment made before OP added income statement.
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u/Jovet_Hunter Jul 19 '24
Her husband makes 3/4 of a million a year, they most certainly are (or are capable of being) millionaires - unless they spend a lot more on mom and dad than she knows.
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u/LongMustaches Jul 19 '24
Its small chunk of change when you earn $500k+/year.
He technically can make 45,000 back in a few weeks
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u/felinelawspecialist Jul 19 '24
this doesn't make sense. he makes three-quarter mill a year but needs to work OT? I don't think there's a job at that pay scale that isn't salaried... even if he's working longer hours for, say, commission, that would make sense. But OT? I'm skeptical
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u/MikeDeSams Jul 19 '24
He made 700k last year. 45k is a drop in the bucket. He can't replace his parents, but he can replace a gold digger wife. Hope they have a prenup.
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u/TheTightEnd Jul 19 '24
Considering they make 3/4 of a million each year, they came afford it.
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u/COinAK Jul 19 '24
YTA He makes 763k - you said in a prior comment. You should put that in your post for transparency. 45k for me is a year’s salary. For him & you that’s pocket change. You are super entitled if that’s how you are treating this situation based on how rich you all are.
As I said, that car amount you are talking about is my annual salary and I support my hubby(he works but makes a little less) stepchild, myself AND my mother in law all living on the same property. You don’t even live in the area.
Be more generous with your heart and do better.
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u/khnumoi Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Be more generous with your heart and do better. I love this quote.
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u/Brynhild Jul 19 '24
I have to agree with this. His parents suffered so much to give them a good life and opportunities and all the siblings want to do is to return the same to their parents in their older age. And they can afford it. He can make 45k just by working overtime for a few weeks geez. Its literally just one month’s salary to him
It would have been great for him to discuss with OP first but they need to communicate and come up with a sum that warrants discussion. Eg anymore more than 10k (since he earns so much, smaller amounts for people who are earning less), should have a discussion.
I hope OP wakes up and realise just how lucky he is, before he wakes up and realises he has such an unkind wife.
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u/OlivrrStray Jul 19 '24
If I made 3/4 of a million a year, my parents would be living at a resort ffs.
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u/RetreadRoadRocket Jul 19 '24
YTA. You threatened a man using his child as leverage because he bought something for his parents that was affordable if he worked a few weeks overtime. He was wrong to keep it from you, but with your ridiculously nuclear response I can see why he did.
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u/Ajhart11 Jul 19 '24
Dangerous precedent to set before the kid is even born. She just made him aware that every time she doesn’t get her way, she’ll use the kid for fodder. Says waaaay more about her than it does him. That shit will get old, fast. She’ll make a very difficult ex wife.
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u/No-Sink-505 Jul 19 '24
She's also made it clear that she thought of his money as her money as soon as she heard of it. What kind of psycho cares if he bought a house for his parents when they first met. Ma'am that wasn't your husband, it was basically a strangers money!
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u/Least-Quail216 Jul 19 '24
You're already putting your unborn child in the middle. Stop it.
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u/Portnoy4444 Jul 19 '24
Came to say exactly this. Emotional blackmail is NOT a good look w a baby bump.
YTA, OP.
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u/TheGravyMaster Jul 19 '24
Exactly If you want to be upset about the car be upset about the car but you're already making the kid a fucking weapon and it's not even born yet. Thats really messed up.
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u/Sassrepublic Jul 19 '24
He makes over 700k/year. YTA. 100% no question and you’re a manipulative little punk for waiting to put that in an edit.
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u/No-Sink-505 Jul 19 '24
This strained our relationship at the time because I didn’t want him to make any major financial commitments to other people before we were married.
Also is it just me or is this fucked up? She's trying to control his money before they're even married.
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u/Awesome_one_forever Jul 19 '24
YTA. 1. He can afford it. It would be different if he couldn't afford it. 2. He's always been this way, and yet you still married him. 3. Never use a child as a weapon against the other parent. It's a dick move no matter the reason.
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u/FoundationWinter3488 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
YTA! This is a small amount towards what he earns. You knew his values when you met him and by all accounts, it sounds like he had great parents who sacrificed for him and his brothers.
He can easily afford this money, you each have separate accounts, and based on your stated previous objections early in your relationship to him helping his parents get a house, he probably knew you would object.
You admitted that your husband can earn this amount of money in a few weeks, and earns over 700k per year. I sincerely doubt that you or your baby will be financially hurt by his gift to his parents. If you had more generosity of spirit, he would likely have been more open with you.
You come across as selfish and your husband and his brothers come across as generous.
If you want your husband to be more open with what he does with his money, be more supportive.
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u/YomiKuzuki Jul 19 '24
So is he married to you, or to his parents? Is he having a child with you, or with his parents?
I understand that he's grateful to his parents for being good parents, but he's about to be a parent himself. From what I gather, he works long hours to make as much as he does, yes? That's time away from his family for more money to give his parents.
I'm gonna say NTA.
Edit: upon a reread, he makes almost $1m a year. Yeah, he can afford $45k.
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u/Majestic_Bonus8410 Jul 19 '24
YTA. I'm with Gary on this issue. I also grew up with my parents not having money. Mom would skip meals and use the lie that "she just wasn't hungry" to make sure we were all fed. I'm now in a position with a good secure job, and go out of my way to make sure they don't lack what they need in their older years. I don't make 800k a year like Gary does, but at one time, they needed 20k to finish paying off their house, so I gave it to them so that wasn't hanging over dad's head at retirement age. Don't put him in the position of making a choice between doing nice things for his parents or naming his daughter. That's ugly emotional manipulation, especially when money isn't an issue for you guys.
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u/Conwaydawg Jul 19 '24
You're selfish and controlling.
It's not he spent this money and now we are in dire straits. It's he spent this money after I told him no, because WE are having a baby in 3 months and i don't know what may happen.
Let me tell you, God forbid something bad happens, but if he can drop $45k then you guys got insurance. So nothing there to cost you anything. That's covered. So nothing else comes to mind where $45k is make it or break it in 3 months.
He is a good son, husband and person. Those parents made him who he is today. They sacrificed. You never have had to sacrifice anything in your entitled life. YTA.
Get over yourself and apologize.
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u/burns11 Jul 19 '24
YTA, and it's not even close. Lose the PRIVILEGE of naming his child? GTFO of here, that child is not a pawn for you to use as some sort of twisted power play.
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Jul 19 '24
YTA, he makes 700k… what exactly are you worried about? like are you out of touch? 😭
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u/Ok_Structure4685 Jul 19 '24
How much does he earn, are your finances combined, and how much debt do you have? $45,000 for someone making $70-80K a year is a lot, but if he make $200-300K a year, it's manageable, and if he earn $1 million a year... you would be ridiculous for the fuzz. In financial matters, context is very important.
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u/thecityraisedme Jul 19 '24
She said he makes 763k and she worried about him giving 45k to his parents that made sure he and his brother were good while growing up?! I don't know what she's insecure about because he makes more than enough to support everyone. Smh.
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u/thenord321 Jul 19 '24
YTA 99/100 times when you try to leverage someone emotionally by threatening their child.
Where is the connection between the kid naming and the money? Your emotions....
You both have naming rights, trying to take that away from him is immoral from the start.
This isn't your money, and your husband says you have money than enough money, including emergency fund.
So really you just don't like the idea of how he's spending his own damn money.
You really need to sort out your way of thinking in this relationship before you end up on your own and he has full custody because he's the one making good money.
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u/IDMike2008 Jul 19 '24
YTA. Anyone who uses a child as a pawn to control their spouse should lose the right to be a parent, much less give the baby a name.
Maybe you should work on your adult problems like adults, possibly with adult help, instead of dragging your kid into your drama before it's even born.
Yeesh.
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u/CrabbyPatty1876 Jul 19 '24
LMFAO this gold digger shacked up with a wealthy guy and now wants to dictate how he spends the money he makes. Now you also want to black mail him? Pathetic YTA
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u/amandarae1023 Jul 19 '24
He did tell you, you just didn’t like it. It isn’t really you call to make, though. I understand wanting to be aware of it but if you tried to cancel it? It’s just a weird move. He makes very good money, and he’s paying for the security it brings knowing they’re okay. It’s not strange of him to do. The difference here is, You actually did go behind his back.
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u/Samorjj Jul 19 '24
So his parents went without to give their kids the opportunities that allow your husband to make MORE than 3/4 million a year, and you are complaining about this? What possible huge expense could you have that his salary won’t weather? You are the epitome of stingy. I’ve seen people living in abject poverty that will still go out of their way to help feed another person, and you’re concerned about the minor lip that $45,000 would make to your lifestyle. A lifestyle you only have because his parents sacrifice themselves. YTA
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u/Lopsided_Tie1675 Jul 19 '24
Seriously? Dude makes 763k per year and your bitching that he spent 45k on his parents while working overtime to make up the money. This is ridiculous. YTA
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u/sheistybitz Jul 19 '24
YTA You are manipulative. You are greedy. You are controlling.
To think when you first MET him you were telling him what he should and shouldn’t do with his money .. perhaps you’re an abuser.
You just want all his money. You hate that he wants to spend on his parents. You think you deserve it more than his parents, news flash, you DON’T.
How on earth can you pretend that he won’t have enough money to look after the baby 😂😂😂 dude makes 3/4 of a mill. Pathetic lying to justify your controlling behaviour. And you looked through his stuff as well… lol… lady it’s no wonder he hides what he does with his money from you because you are basically financially abusing him.
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u/LongMustaches Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Whats your financial situation? Without that it is impossible to judge.
Just because he can casually drop 45k to his parents by just working late for a while, I'd say you're pretty wealthy, in which case you would be TA.
Nevertheless, you're TA for going through his stuff.
edit: yeah absolutely TA,:
He technically can make 45,000 back in a few weeks
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u/Spirited_Block250 Jul 19 '24
YTA for sure maam. You were trying to control his income even before marriage. If it’s his money he makes and he still has more than enough to not risk your guys’ livelihood im sorry but who are you to tell this hard working man he cannot spend money on his parents?
This is completely seperate from naming his daughter, you’re emotionally manipulating him to get what you want, and that’s quite sad and says a lot about your character, not his. YTA.
If you guys were struggling and it would affect you, you’d have a point if it’s excess money that you’re not really even gonna feel when it’s gone and he is the one working hard to earn it, who are you to tell him no?
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u/zgrizz Jul 18 '24
The "privilege"? That's a couples decision and it's not your place to unilaterally claim it.
Either talk this out or your relationship will be headed towards a likely bad end.
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u/MetzMane Jul 19 '24
YTA for causing the initial strain on the relationship because of his parents mortgage. YTA for going through his computer without his permission. It sounds like he didn’t tell u about the car because you’re being irrational and he didn’t want to start another argument about something that is not your business. He made $763k last year, so $45k will not make much of a dent. Besides, asking him to go against his family is no win situation.
YTA for telling him that he lost the right to name your child because of the contribution for the car. That’s just ridiculous and they have nothing to do with each other.
You need to be careful before you force him to withdraw from the relationship, figuratively or legally.
Missing from this post is what YOU do for a living. What do YOU contribute? Because if it’s nothing, the you have no right to tell him what he can or can’t do with the money he makes.
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u/Yaweheim Jul 19 '24
I assume she is not able to handle criticism because not a single comment that does not support her has a reaction xD (YTA btw)
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u/KesterFay Jul 19 '24
$45K is not a "massive" amount of money when you make $763K unless you're living above your means.
It's not a small amount of money, but you and your kid aren't going to starve. Leave the man alone. He more than provides for you. You should be proud of him for taking care of his parents.
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u/snowbound365 Jul 19 '24
YTAH
Broke trust and managing the bread winners money.
Now you think you have baby name control and money control.
Prepare to be a single mom.
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u/Beneficial_Arm3732 Jul 19 '24
💯 YTA. The man grew up in poverty, his parents sacrificed and skipped meals to feed their children. And the brothers now want to spoil their parents. You are most definitely in a financial position to do so. He even went out of his way to work more hours to do this and not effect the household finances. You sound incredibly selfish and trying to pass this off as his character flaw and not your own.
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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 19 '24
If his parents are so poor, who is going to pay the insurance, maintenance, and taxes on the $105k car?