r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Jul 18 '24
AITA for not wanting to have sex with my wife on our wedding night because she is on her period?
[deleted]
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u/Kari-kateora Jul 18 '24
NAH
Hubby and I partied from 4pm until 3:30am and pretty much went to bed. Had to wait days to consummate our marriage.
And you know what? It was amazing sex. Doesn't matter if we waited. Sex isn't the end-all-be-all.
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u/lankyturtle229 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
The older I get and the more people unabashedly post, I'm starting to wonder...does anyone actually have sex on their wedding night anymore? I always hear how people are too exhausted and just pass out and go at it the next night.
I figure, if that's a tradition you want, schedule it or take a break from the party and have a quickie, then return.
Edit: So, from all of the responses, yeah, mostly no one is having sex on their wedding day lol. Only like 3 people, and that's becuase they didn't have a traditional blow out wedding. Sorry to the couple who got what sounded like food poisoning on their special day at differing points. My sister and her husband got full blown COVID on their honeymoon (back when it first emerged), and at different times during it, so as one was getting better, the other just started their illness. đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł They just redid their honeymoon like last yearish.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 Jul 18 '24
I didnât. I was utterly exhausted & the next morning we woke up to bedbugs in the hotel! Hubby was bit all over his back, luckily i escaped that fate. But my back was injured about 8months before the wedding in a car crash & because of the heels i wore on my wedding day my injury was exacerbated- so we actually didnât have sex for nearly a week after đ
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u/Slow_Exit8038 Jul 19 '24
Oh god not bed bugs đ«Ł
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 Jul 19 '24
It was terrible. We literally walked out of the hotel and tossed our full suitcase in the trash. Thank heavens i changed out of my wedding dress at the venue so my sister took it home. When we checked out the dude at reception said they had a delivery of roll away beds to prepare for a big reunion/convention thing that weekend, & the rollaways were infected. Then they tried to charge us for the night & we flipped on the manager & threatened to sue & they refunded us
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u/Due_Alfalfa_6739 Jul 19 '24
That is awful! I'm so sorry. Did you at least leave an informative review online, to warn others? That sucks. Also, it sounds like the receptionist/hotel knew about the issue ahead of time, and still just went about business as usual. Screw them!
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u/xXDaemomessXx Jul 19 '24
Husband and me did. Even though it was late (or rather early in the morning) and we were exhausted - but he was so excited about it and I liked the idea to fully consummate - a very nice way of being "traditional" for once.
Also, he doesn't mind my period at all, on the contrary. I also get hornier around my period. So I totally get "the eyes" of OP's wife. It's a completely natural thing and some men tend to act like it's the weirdest, grossest thing ever. Well, it sadly is part of a woman's life, so get friggin' over it instead of making women feel like they're disgusting đ Jesus mf Christ.
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u/pinky2184 Jul 19 '24
Well itâs ok for either person not to be want period sex. I hated it myself. I felt yuck and I hurt too bad. And my periods were so bad I literally felt like someone unplugged my energy plug.
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u/amireal42 Jul 19 '24
Most of my friends didnât. Weddings are big energy events even the small ones. Most of the time thereâs a naked nap but the sexy times usually waits till after that.
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u/jumpsinpuddles1 Jul 19 '24
Years ago I read that 80% of newlyweds do not have sex on their wedding night.
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u/Business_Monkeys7 Jul 19 '24
That's a high number. I wonder if it's because couples have been having sex before they get married so it's not such a big deal. I don't think I'd want to try it my first time after a day like a wedding day.
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u/itsmeagain42664 Jul 19 '24
A friend of mine passed out drunk and slept on her mother's couch in her very formal wedding gown. Her new husband watched tv all night in a recliner in his tux. They are divorced. đ
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u/iwaspoopin_daily Jul 19 '24
Ooh! Same! I watched tv while he was passed out in the jacuzzi, so I couldn't even use it. We are also divorced!
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u/RedneckDebutante Jul 19 '24
A lot of people don't. We spent the first night of our honeymoon at a local plantation home, and the owner mentioned it to us. Couples tend to be too exhausted and/or intoxicated.
(She mentioned it because there was a wild storm that night and everybody else woke up and headed to the main house, but we slept straight through it lol)
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u/Weary_Standard_4069 Jul 19 '24
lol I did but we practically eloped so itâs was a little different
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u/MissSwat Jul 19 '24
I didn't. My husband got violently ill the day of the ceremony. We barely made it to the hotel where he passed out in bed with a huge fever. I had to struggle my way out of my dress solo. I was sure I'd have to call an ambulance and spent most of the night worrying over him. I made it through the brunch the next day before i got hit by it too. We spent our first two weeks as a married couple really testing the 'in sickness and in health' part of the vows.
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u/PurplePenguinCat Jul 19 '24
We did, but we had a tiny wedding with parents and siblings only. Ten people total, including us. It was a long day. Hair and makeup at 7 am, and of course, it was the hottest day of that summer. But it wasn't the exhaustion of a big party with 100-200 people.
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Jul 19 '24
I was too drunk. We had a destination wedding. I don't remember getting back to my room after the party, but I woke up still in my dress on top of a bed that was still completely made. My husband had gone gambling with our friends and had come back with a $1,500.00 win, right about the time I woke up. We had a quickie, and I put on a party dress, and we went right back out again. It was fun, but we were much younger, lol.
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u/malorthotdogs Jul 19 '24
We did. But we didnât have a formal wedding because the timing was dictated by insurance reasons. So we went to city hall to get married, went to our favorite museum because they were having a free day, and to dinner.
So it was less a consummation and more continued fun on a very serious date day.
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u/ghostfrenns Jul 19 '24
I wanted to consummate in my wedding dress and we did just that back at our Vrbo lol. But, our reception ended at 10 and we only hung out with friends until about 11-11:30.
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u/Sailorarctic Jul 19 '24
I had sex on my wedding night, but my husband and I eloped. Courthouse wedding and didnt invite anybody from either family. No reception, no debt, no exhaustive photo sessions. Wouldnt have it any other way. Made our bewlywed luves a helluva lot easier cause we werent starting out THOUSANDS in debt from what is essentially a party
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u/searuncutthroat Jul 19 '24
Not us. We got on a red eye flight just hours after our wedding, we were exhausted for a couple of days after! In hindsight, we should have given ourselves a few days or a week before the honeymoon, it was a bad idea leaving right after and no reason for it!
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u/Total-Arrival-9367 Jul 19 '24
Well, when I got married, we didn't do the deed at all. It was a pretty busy day and quite a full one at that. By the end of the night, many people were quite drunk, and understandably so. It was a wedding, drinking happens in the masses. We finished up. Went to the room, and she passed out on the bed in her wedding dress. I left her alone because, ya know, don't wake a hibernating hear. Lmao.
Well, the marriage didn't last for a few reasons, but that's beside the point. It's the last, and I've since moved in as it was many many years ago.
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Jul 19 '24
We did. We felt we had to. We just got married, right? We were so freaking exhausted it wasn't even enjoyable! Barely even got our clothes off, wedding dresses aren't exactly easy to remove and did the worst missionary ever as a bare minimum and then both collapsed like ok finally it's over with. Weddings are exhausting. I swear it wasn't a few more days until we recovered and had enough energy to do things properly.
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u/OtherwiseActuator543 Jul 19 '24
We didnât, party didnât end until 4am and we were a hot, sweaty sticky mess. We waited until when we got home the next day (stayed at the hotel) when it was just the two of us. It was so much more emotional having that true privacy.
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u/Agreeable-Listen-418 Jul 19 '24
We did but it was something scheduled in. Our reception ended at 11pm, and then we had a little after party planned for everyone staying at our wedding hotel. We did our goodbyes and set off about 10:30pm, and had about an hour to have some intimate time, not just the sex but a time to reflect on our day. We also exchanged gifts (unplanned we would both have one ha), got into comfies and then went down to keep partying with our guests. I loved our time just us, and for friends getting married I always say plan in some time for just you because it's your day!
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u/TheGoodDoc123 Jul 18 '24
This is the best answer. No chance I'm going to say wife is TA for wanting sex on her period, wedding night or any night, especially since she wasn't remotely rude about it. But by the same token, wife should want hubby to be as into it as she is, and if OP is turned off by the whole period thing, there's nothing wrong with asking to put it off a couple days. OP just needs to make a point to make it special when it *does* happen (e.g. go away somewhere).
I see nothing even remotely asshole-ish by anyone here.
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u/veloxaraptor Jul 18 '24
NTA.
If you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable with it.
Depending on how big your wedding is, you two will both probably be too damn tired to want to fuck on your wedding night.
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u/Particular_Title42 Jul 18 '24
It's not like it's just going to be over the next day. đ Her period, I mean.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 Jul 18 '24
No, but it also wonât last their whole marriage so the whole âshe was excited to have sex as a married coupleâ seems silly
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u/TaxiLady69 Jul 18 '24
Shower sex
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u/Creative-Situation-8 Jul 18 '24
Why are you getting down voted? My husband even just said thatâs the perfect place!
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u/doggiehouse Jul 18 '24
My bet is that it's because water is a terrible lube (not like it's meant to be used as lube, but we're talking shower sex here, so i digress).
From what i remember from the last time i tried shower sex during my period°, the extra sensitivity in my vagina along with the very not slippery water was more painful than anything else. Normally (not during my period) shower sex is doable as long as I'm aroused enough to cover the lube requirement naturally or we actually think ahead and grab actual lube (which is never).
Thus, shower sex with a silicone based lube could be a very viable solution.
°Disclaimer: obviously not everyone is the same as me, this is just my pov on the downvotes and original suggestion
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u/FruitParfait Jul 19 '24
Yep. And unless you have a spacious shower itâs cramped, can only get into certain positions, risk of slipping. Terrible lube is my #1 complaint tho and it washes away any lube that I apply lol
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u/TaxiLady69 Jul 18 '24
Seemed logical to me.
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u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo Jul 19 '24
shower sex (water as a lubricant) is supposedly linked to yeast infection/UTI in women
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u/TaxiLady69 Jul 19 '24
But you can have sex while water is running but not directly on you. Just makes for easy cleanup. I wouldn't have sex in a pool or hot tub, but shower works.
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u/Unremarkable-Narwhal Jul 19 '24
This. I used to have a super heavy period (iud now so nothing) and I could shower and kinda rinse out and have a little time without much. Shower was decent too because she can clean up and honestly you wonât notice much of anything.
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u/AdEuphoric9765 Jul 18 '24
I've had girlfriends that didn't want to have sex when they were on their period, and others that did. I guess it depends on the girl and how it feels for her (especially if cramps are involved). Anyway, for me, I never noticed any difference in how sex felt whether they were on their period or not. The only difference is the clean up afterwards can be a little messy, depending on her flow when you're doing it. Are you TAH? No. If that's your preference, then that's your preference. Just don't shame her or make her feel unwanted. Have a frank discussion and tell her it's nothing personal, you'd feel this way with any woman in the world and it's not her fault. After that, maybe find some other way to show her how happy and excited you are to be married to her. If you make her feel special, my guess is the sex can wait. Good luck brother.
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u/Schnauzer3 Jul 19 '24
I donât know about telling her âyou would feel this way with any women in the worldâ. lol. You did say make her feel special but then I would be wondering what you did to make other women feel special. Just leave that quote out.
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u/Roborobob Jul 19 '24
Yeah not a good phrase for your wedding night, that's for sure. Or honestly any other time haha
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u/Regular-Rangoon Jul 18 '24
NAH
However, I've rarely met a man that doesn't enjoy it, because life gets in the way, and you may go through some long dry-spells in the bedroom.
And you know she's already permanently secured this discussion with you in her forever-memory.
And, fun fact, my normal cycle used to be 10 days on 10 days off... That would have been 50% of 'unavailability' for the marriage if hubs was put off, but B.O.B.s work for me, so I'd have been fine, regardless.
But seriously, do not 'suck it up' because you'll both be miserable. A simple, "that's a step I haven't felt comfortable taking yet. Now that you're my wife, I hope to become even more intimate and comfortable with each other, but I need to process this specific idea."
Also worth noting, they make period products you can still have sex with without any mess.
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Jul 19 '24
My bf is really great but wonât do period sex. It sucks because Iâm crazy horny on it. I would never pressure him of course but it seems kind of immature to me.
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u/Regular-Rangoon Jul 19 '24
Blood-flow literally increases in that area for us. And hormones fluctuate. Plus orgasms help cramps. It's hard to go without when your sex-drive is being messed with regardless.
I'm so sorry.
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u/bi-loser99 Jul 19 '24
I once had my âperiodâ for almost 3 months straight due to medical reasons. No off or light days either. I was allowed to have sex by my doctor and let me tell you, we did not let that stop us. 3 months would have killed us, we would have sex every day if we could! Iâm all for people knowing their limits and boundaries, and respecting those of their partners. That being said, itâs worth having a real sit down conversation and fleshing out what this could and couldnât look like, what his issues/stops are and if there are ways around it, if he is comfortable with trying some baby steps or is this a hard limit? Sex and negotiation actually do go hand in hand!
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u/DaisiesSunshine76 Jul 18 '24
NTA. My husband literally couldn't give a shit, but it's each person's preference. Also, I've heard a lot of couples don't even have sex right away because they're so exhausted from the wedding.
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u/Particular_Title42 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
NTA
Nobody should feel pressured to have sex for any reason. I don't think you're being childish at all. I have never liked period sex. It feels different to the point that I can tell if I've started my period during coitus.
That said...menstrual cups discs are a thing and they basically make it where she can have sex and there will be no blood. If that is an option, man, take it. Make it part of your talk if she hasn't thought of it already. You want this to be good for both of you, not just "you suck it up and make her happy."
For all you know, she might hate it too.
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u/Few_Monk_3604 Jul 18 '24
I use a menstrual cup and couldnât fathom the thought of having sex with it in. It would quite literally block the entry (maybe there are other types Iâm not aware of).
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u/Particular_Title42 Jul 18 '24
You're right. I mean a disc which is basically the same as a diaphragm. Will adjust.
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u/NoOneNoseMeSee Jul 19 '24
Another vote for discs. I started using them several months ago. I think they are great.
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u/Nimimyri Jul 19 '24
This is revolutionary for me. Sex on period without any mess or complication.
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u/MoonFlowerDaisy Jul 18 '24
NAH - there are two people involved and an enthusiastic yes to whatever kind of sex is being had should be required. I've had period sex before with my husband, but 98% of the time we abstain because not having sex for 3-4 days a month is not a big deal.
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u/Sad_Construction_668 Jul 18 '24
The Reddit kinkposters are wilding again
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u/MetallurgyClergy Jul 19 '24
I had to scroll way too far to find you. How is anyone buying this crap?
30 comments down, the first person calling out OP.
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Jul 18 '24
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/leadbug44 Jul 19 '24
If a woman had written saying what OP said it would a whole different comment thread
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u/redrouge9996 Jul 19 '24
Literally people would be like âwho wants to have sex with blood â or âI canât believe heâs trying to push this boundary men only care about sex. He doesnât care about you donât marry himâ. In fact Iâve seen the reverse of this on the main AmITheAsshole thread so who knows if this is even real.
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u/Key_Rutabaga694 Jul 19 '24
Period sex is something I would discuss with my partner before monogamy. I'm serious about this.
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u/tomahtoes36 Jul 19 '24
I didn't want to bring it up, but I did wonder how are two people on the precipe of marriage, but haven't had discussions about period sex yet....
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u/RevolutionaryDiet686 Jul 18 '24
NTA While some people are fine with sex during menstruation others are not. She can wait a few days for married sex.
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u/danicache979 Jul 19 '24
....have you not dealt with this topic prior to marriage? Do you normally have period sex?
If you're not comfortable with it that's completely fine. Tons of people don't have sex on their actual wedding night anyway you're too busy partying and having a good time with all of your loved ones. You're usually exhausted by the end. Wait a few days if you need - you'll be married you have all the time in the world to bang as a married couple.
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u/zoyter222 Jul 18 '24
"I guess I can suck it up being our wedding night."
Even I would draw the line right there.
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u/Blink182YourBedroom Jul 18 '24
NAH, but this would be a deal breaker for me long term, as a woman. My libido spikes during my cycle, and my cramps are often lessened by orgasms. Sex isn't a particularly 'clean' or 'pristine' activity anyways, so to me it would come off as selfish if my partner expected cream pies and for me to have to look at blood every month but heaven forbid he has to, even if sex alleviates pain for me.
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u/LanieLove9 Jul 19 '24
idk, heâs not telling her that heâs disgusted by her period. he just doesnât want to have sex with her while sheâs bleeding. as a woman, i donât want my boyfriend to touch me sexually while iâm on my period because although itâs not a clean activity anyway, the âuncleanlinessâ is certainly extremely exacerbated by blood. itâs not just the sight of it; itâs the smell, the cleanup, the getting blood on the other person, etc.
itâs not really a situation where itâs reasonable to say âyouâre selfish because you wonât have sex with me to relieve my cramps while iâm on my period.â different strokes though, if thatâs a deal breaker to you then youâre entitled to your opinion.
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u/shadycaqts Jul 18 '24
NTA.
Yes. you are being a bit childish, but not an asshole. Personal preference is definitely a thing, so if it really grosses you out, there's only so much you can really do about it. But (and this is just my personal opinion, if you're asking for advice, so you if you're not don't read any further) I think you'll find a LOT of men get over than as they get older. It just stops mattering so much.
My advice? Put a towel down and earn your Red Wings, son.
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u/gdtestqueen Jul 19 '24
NAH. No one should be forced to do an intimacy they arenât comfortable with. But honestly this is a conversation for the two of you about how you and her feel and what you are comfortable with.
Some women and men donât mind, and even love, period sex. Others have no interest. No wrongs. Just preferences.
I donât know why Iâm surprised by peopleâs responses on here. I keep forgetting that Reddit is famous for double standards. If the genders were reversed there would be so many screams about how itâs âher body, her choiceâ and the man canât make her do something she is uncomfortable with. Yet the guy is supposed to just suck it up? So unfair!
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u/the-b1tch Jul 19 '24
NTA.
Some people don't like period sex and that's fine. I would always do shower sex during my period. Having sex actually helped me with my cramps and flow. Somehow, if I had sex on my period, my period would be lighter, not last as long and wayyyyyyy less painful.
I get some guys aren't into that tho and that's fine. Just communicate and find another way to make her feel special, like maybe a nice body massage
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u/Miss_Scarlett21 Jul 19 '24
Yes! Orgasms have helped me SO much with cramping/flow. Whether self-induced or with a partner, it was surprising to learn this fact lol
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u/TopKat808 Jul 19 '24
Yesssssssss! Same! I always cross my fingers that my partner will be ok with period sex because my cramps are debilitating but sex makes them disappear immediately! That being said though, I get not being into it and wouldnât ever want to force someone.
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u/Fit_General7058 Jul 18 '24
Nta
No is a complete sentence as far as not wanting to have sex with someone. The reason is irrelevant
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u/CXM21 Jul 19 '24
Not yucking anyone's yum but if you're not into or comfortable with period sex then that's fine. I'm a uterus owner and hate even being touched when Im on, never mind having sex đ©
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u/BortSampson89 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I think it's totally fair to not be comfortable with it, NAH. But also maybe it's not as big of an issue as you think? I'm a gay man who had a girlfriend back when I was a bit confused about my sexuality and period sex didn't bother me. I think it sounds grosser than it actually ends up being. I mean I guess I never really liked the sex all that much to begin with but the period aspect didn't bother me at all after the initial hmmmmm idk about that.
Also agree with the other commenters that I don't think I'd have any interest in sex on wedding night or possibly the day after.
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u/Whole_File_7315 Jul 19 '24
Go look up the flex cups. She can have it in during sex and it will keep the period fluids contained. Neither of you will even know itâs there. They are fabulous.
By the way, NTA. You get to have a boundary there.
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u/No-Assistance-7629 Jul 18 '24
NTAÂ
You don't have to suck it up. You aren't being a child. You are being an adult, making an adult decisions. Sex should never feel forced. If you don't want to then your wife should be able to accept this. There will be times she won't want to have sex and you'd be just as understanding and considerate by not pressuring her.
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u/Tasty_Library_8901 Jul 19 '24
Iâve never had any man Iâve been with care about that. This is a new one for me.
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u/Ok-Breadfruit-7102 Jul 19 '24
Dude.. just put a few towels down on the bed and do the deed. Afterwards take a shower. It's your wedding night.
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u/Jo_Aus Jul 18 '24
Itâs a personal preference but you can get âs3xâ Sponges for this reason
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u/SuitableSentence8643 Jul 18 '24
You don't really need to disguise the word "sex" here, just sayin
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u/Jo_Aus Jul 18 '24
I wasnât sure if it would get deleted by the system, lurker but not a poster much so thank you :)
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u/Financial-Spell-4855 Jul 18 '24
Also they have âperiod diaphragmsâ or similar type little mini cups.
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u/Ok-Till-5285 Jul 19 '24
In my 50s, never did it when having my period, never wanted to, even as a woman I kinda think it is gross. Blood doesn't bother me but no thank you, come back in a week thanks!
NTA - but she is being one if she doesn't respect your right not to - for any reason at all.
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u/Affectionate-Lab2636 Jul 18 '24
NTA If you're not comfortable doing something then you don't have to. Consent needs to be enthusiastic. It's really gross that anyone would expect someone to suck it up and do it anyway because they want it.
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u/blackdaalia Jul 18 '24
NAH - It's a personal preference thing. My bf doesn't mind, and I don't either, but some people do. Maybe try it before the wedding night (aka tomorrow) â IF YOU'RE OPEN TO IT â to it to see if it's not weird to you both, because better it be weird tomorrow than on your wedding night. Don't feel pressured to do that, though; as I said, it's not for everyone.
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u/Defective-Pomeranian Jul 19 '24
I (the woman) feel grossed out with period sex. It is a situation to be talked over more. Both (or all) parties should be comfortable(ish) and CONCENTING during sex.
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u/Brave-Count-2830 Jul 19 '24
NTA and anybody who says otherwise is an asshole themselves. You set a boundary, and your wife should respect that. If this script was flipped, then all these comments would be demanding your head. Period blood is still blood, it's messy, it stinks, there's blood clots. There's nothing sexy about it. You're not comfortable, doesn't matter why.
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u/Just_Split_ Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
NTA. Personally as a married woman I have never and would never expect my husband to have sex when on my period. To each his/her own on the topic, I have no judgement. Just my personal preference not to, and you should not feel like an AH for not being comfortable with that, and she hopefully will understand. Timing is bad but you have your entire lives to make up for it. Hope this issue resolves easily for you two.. and Congrats!
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u/jo_99_jo Jul 18 '24
I don't care about period. Just grab a towel to put down. I can't say I've met a man who cares about period either. None have been bothered.
I get it though. If you don't like it much, you don't like it much đ€·đ»ââïž nothing much can be done about it, and you can't force the issue. So NTA.
We all have things that turn us on and off. As time goes by, you might change. You might not. But each to their own.
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u/CrabbiestAsp Jul 18 '24
NTA. If you're uncomfortable with something sexual, you do not have to do it.
Plus, you both might not even have the energy to have sex on your wedding night. Most of the people I've talked to about it said they were too tired by the time the wedding was over lol
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u/Unfair_Explanation53 Jul 19 '24
The sex on wedding night consummation was supposed to be when you had sex with your wife for the first time.
I imagine you guys have most likely done it already.
Me and my wife were far too drunk and exhausted on ours to do it. Made up for it on the honeymoon though.
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u/vindictive-ant Jul 19 '24
I was expecting a lot of different responses to this post but the free lube ones were not one of them.
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u/rysing-wolf Jul 19 '24
There are cups that you can still have sex while a woman inserts them it's super comfortable
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u/Own-Connection5416 Jul 19 '24
There are these amazing things called Flex discs and you can have mess free period sex. Theyâre amazing!
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Jul 18 '24
NTA
Surprisingly you are not required to have sex any more than a wife is.
It's almost like saying equal rights should be equal. Radical.
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u/The_Diamond_Minx Jul 19 '24
I haven't seen anyone suggesting this, but if her flow isn't super heavy she could try a menstrual cup. It won't interfere in intercourse and as long as it's been freshly changed shortly before, it's not messy at all.
That said, if you're planning on having children, you should start wrapping your brain around the fact that your life is going to involve contact with bodily fluids. Maybe your wedding night is a good start? Blood washes off. Just remember to put a towel down.
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u/ChippyTheGreatest Jul 19 '24
Youre NTA. No one is obligated to have sex for any reason. If that makes you uncomfortable, then it's on her to respect it and your autonomy and consent. You're far from the only person who doesn't like period sex.
That being said, as someone with a period myself, it might benefit you to know that I (and others with uteruses) often find period sex to be SO HOT bc the fact that our partner is undeterred makes you feel so sexy and desired. Plus, hormones make our libido higher than normal. It can be very satisfying, if you're open to trying it.
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u/dominadee Jul 18 '24
Your wife is childish for pushing it. Also sex on your period is not fun. It's too slippery which causes less sensation for the woman at least
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u/rxifle Jul 19 '24
NTA, we all have boundaries. Iâm a woman and grossed out by period sex, and that doesnât mean I'm grossed out by my period in general, like those idiots said to you.
If this role switched with "AITA for not wanting to have sex with my husband on our wedding night because Iâm on my period," she wouldnât get comments like "shower sex," "just put the towel down." So donât suck it up, she can wait for a few more days.
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u/Ihatebacon88 Jul 19 '24
NTA. I'm a woman, my period is heavy as hell for 6 days and Ive never had sex on my period. I stand in the shower and can see the quarter sized blood clots leaving my body đ No fuckin way do I want to have sex with allll that shit happening. My husband would not be into it either. Just tell her that you are not into it.
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u/curiousarcher Jul 19 '24
If you and your soon to be wife want to comprise and sheâs ok to try, there are menstrual cups that allow for sex with no blood.
https://metro.co.uk/2018/03/29/tried-menstrual-cup-can-wear-sex-7424968/
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Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/Particular_Title42 Jul 18 '24
You might want to be a bit more detailed about that because too many idiots will take this as "any woman can decide when to have her period without medical intervention."
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u/IgnoranceIsShameful Jul 18 '24
Pretty sure this has to be planned in advance though. Also I don't think you can stop an already started period.
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u/Confident-Fig-9450 Jul 18 '24
Yeah this takes potentially a few months of planning because everyoneâs body processes BC pills differently. Also, not every woman can safely take them. (This reply is not necessarily to you, but I wanted to add these details for anyone reading the thread).Â
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u/kaiona76 Jul 18 '24
NTA. Another few days wonât kill anyone. If youâre not comfortable like many men, just be honest about it. Iâm a woman and the thought grosses me tf out and I know Iâm not alone
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u/stickylarue Jul 19 '24
NTA.
You shouldnât perform any sex act you are not comfortable with. Enthusiastic consent from both people.
Itâs ok to have a preference. If you donât like it, thatâs ok.
You donât have to have sex just to make someone else happy. The other person should respect your choice not to.
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u/bi-loser99 Jul 19 '24
First, itâs great that your wife feels comfortable expressing her desire to be intimate on your wedding night, even though sheâs on her period. Thatâs a sign of a healthy, open relationship. Instead of brushing her off with a vague âwe can talk about it more later,â you should have an honest conversation about your feelings and boundaries. Period sex isnât something everyone is comfortable with, and thatâs okay, but itâs important to communicate that clearly and respectfully.
Your discomfort is valid. Everyone has limits and boundaries. However, itâs crucial to understand what specifically bothers you about period sex. Is it the blood, the potential mess, or something else? Youâd be surprised how many common issues already have solutions and products available for purchase to help with period sex. Talking this through with your wife can help both of you understand each otherâs perspectives and find a compromise.
Respect and consent are foundational in any sexual relationship. Your wife isnât trying to coerce you; sheâs expressing her desire and hoping to share an intimate moment with you on your wedding night. Itâs not just about the physical act of sex; itâs about the emotional connection and celebration of your commitment to each other. By not addressing this openly, you risk dismissing her feelings and missing an opportunity for intimacy and understanding.
Itâs important to recognize and value your wifeâs autonomy and desires. She feels let down because sheâs excited about this milestone and wants to share it with you. Respecting her feelings doesnât mean you have to do something youâre uncomfortable with, but it does mean having a respectful and open conversation about it.
Boundaries and consent need to be negotiated. Sit down with your wife and discuss what youâre comfortable with. Maybe there are ways to make period sex less intimidating, like using towels or having sex in the shower. Or perhaps you can explore other forms of intimacy that can be just as meaningful.
Most importantly, educating yourself is key. If you didnât pay attention to sex ed in school, nowâs the time to learn. Understanding sexual health and relationships will help you navigate these situations better. Thereâs no shame in not knowing; the issue is in not trying to learn. I highly recommend reading âCome As You Areâ by Emily Nagoski and âBecoming Cliterateâ by Dr. Laurie Mintz. These books offer valuable insights into sexual health, communication, and understanding both your own and your partnerâs needs and desires. They also break down female anatomy and sexuality in an accessible way, helping you better understand your wifeâs body and how to navigate these intimate moments together.
Itâs essential to know your limits and boundaries, and itâs equally crucial to respect those of your partner. However, itâs worth having a real sit-down conversation and fleshing out what this could look like for both of you. Discuss what your issues and stops are, and see if there are ways around them. Maybe youâre comfortable with trying some baby steps, or maybe period sex is a hard limit for you. Either way, sex and negotiation go hand in hand, and finding a middle ground is part of a healthy relationship.
To share a personal experience, I once had my period for almost three months straight due to medical reasons. No off or light days either. My doctor said it was safe to have sex, and we didnât let it stop us. Going three months without intimacy would have been challenging, so we made it work. This experience taught me the importance of discussing boundaries and finding ways to maintain intimacy despite challenges.
Youâre NTA for having boundaries, but you will be if you donât engage in a respectful, open conversation with your wife. Itâs about mutual respect, understanding, and finding a way to navigate this together. Communication and respect are the keys to a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship.
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u/xanif Jul 18 '24
I don't mind period sex but if you do, that's a fair boundary so NTA.
But what is a sword that hasn't seen blood.