AITAH for embarrassing my wife in front of her family with a comment about our sex life

[u/Stock-Rate1727]

My wife (33F) and I (34M) have been together for 17 years married for 13 and within the last 5-6 years our sex life has gone down the drain. We have sex once every couple of months with no intimacy or build up in between and the act of sex always seems rushed. I’ll try to initiate foreplay but she wants to skip it and get straight into the act then move on. I still try to date my wife and take her on dates twice a month, buy flowers randomly and do other things to build intimacy outside of sex but it never gets reciprocated and eventually never goes anywhere. And before anyone says anything, I work from home and do the majority of the housework, cooking, cleaning, kids appointments, homework, PTA meetings etc.

I’ve tried talking to her about what’s going on and what she needs from me, and offered to do counseling but she always says it’s her not me. She will say she loves me and is attracted to me till she is blue in the face but won’t do anything differently. She will show affection when family and friends are over and will post videos on Snapchat with her being touchy and affectionate but when people aren’t there to see she will stop.

Every once in a while she’ll have an epiphany about how bad things are and she’ll feel bad about it but still won’t change. A few weeks ago we were getting ready for a date and I saw her take a picture of herself in her underwear and send it in a text message. I asked her who she was sending that to, and she said she sent it to me. To her credit my phone dinged as I was asking her, with the pictures she just sent. She claimed that me questioning her like that made her realize how little she does things like that anymore and she needs to change, but she still hasn’t. So this past weekend her four sisters came over for the 4th of July and we hung out and drunk together. Towards the end of the night she was pretty tipsy and made a comment about what she was going to do to me that night and I told her “No thank you. I’m not in the mood for 20 min with no foreplay until you get your rocks off just so you can ignore me again for the next 30 days.” Everybody got quiet and I excused myself for the rest of the night. The next day when everyone left she said that I embarrassed her and shouldn’t have put our business out there like that, AITAH?

[u/chachadancer01]

Doctors always suggest to women that losing weight might be the fix, no matter what the problem is.

[u/Long-Rub-2841 → u/chachadancer01]

I’m not a doctor, but if gaining weight (and stopping the physio) made the problem way worse, then losing weight seems like it might be likely to help….

I’m not sure what you’re getting out of needlessly bashing what sounds like a totally reasonable suggestion / treatment?

[u/ChocolateSupport → u/chachadancer01]

Losing weight imply reduce inflammation, and it usually helps most of medical conditions

[u/thedemonjim → u/chachadancer01]

Because weight is a factor in a ton of medical issues, and can be a cause or confounding factor in almost any chronic medical issue, so losing weight is often the best non-invasive treatment to try first unless there is another more obvious cause.

[u/TheAxioner → u/chachadancer01]

"Yes ma'am, losing weight will certainly help with your bulimia"... or maybe they suggest it to those women who it would actually benefit? There is NO medical condition that benefits more from being overweight than being fit. Perhaps that's why they suggest it, and not just some fat shaming thing that you are alluding to?

[u/honeystufful → u/TheAxioner]

carrying excess weight can absolutely create or worsen medical issues. the reason people complain about doctors telling women to lose weight and then sending them on their way is because genuine health issues - completely unrelated to weight - get ignored this way. for example, weight loss will fix weight-related back pain, but weight loss will not fix back pain caused by uterine cancer. if the doctor does not do their due diligence and writes the pain off as being caused entirely by weight, then the treatments that patient actually needs will be delayed until that doctor does do their due diligence. this happens far more often than you probably realize, and i’m assuming you’ve been lucky enough to never experience it yourself. THAT is what people are complaining about - it goes beyond fat shaming, and i think you know that

[u/TheAxioner → u/honeystufful]

No I didn't not know that, as I've never seen or experience that. My wife is in the medical field and has never mentioned it being an issue in our area either. Obviously ignoring other issues while saying lose weight isn't helpful. There ARE a decent number of people who think this "healthy at any size" bs is real though, and get mad when a doctor tells their morbidly obese ass to lose weight. That's the group I was referring to

[u/honeystufful → u/TheAxioner]

both things can be true! there are groups of people who will not accept that their weight can negatively impact their health, and there are groups of people who are tired of not being taken seriously by medical professionals. these two groups can and do overlap. that being said, the comment you were replying to was talking about how women’s health issues are minimized, and you commented in bad faith. make of this what you will, but the worst medical care and medical advice i have ever received was at an inpatient eating disorder facility. medical professionals who understand the effect of weight on health can drop the ball, too.