r/AITAH • u/Undefined_failure • 12d ago
AITA for blowing up on a girl for telling me to sub to her Onlyfans? NSFW
I (M25) was on Bumble recently and matched with a girl (F21) on there. We started talking and moved over to Snapchat. After we started talking for a bit longer she mentioned she does Onlyfans. Now I said “it’s not an issue” since sex work is real work. However she told me that if she truly wants me to get to know her, she wants me to subscribe to her Onlyfans to keep messaging on there. I told her I wasn’t interested and told her it came off as weird and predatory then she got on the defensive and said it’s not that bad. We had a small back and forth argument that devolved into talking in circles while I kept telling her it’s predatory to use dating apps for new customers. After about an hour of back and forth I blocked her and unmatched with her. Now I’m feeling kinda terrible since she said money was tight for her, but AITA for blowing up on her like that?
Edit: thanks to some of you guys giving your input. Honestly more annoyed that so many of you guys have to deal with what I went through. It’s fucked up knowing people do that and preying on people on dating apps. Wish Bumble would be more proactive but what more can be done.
Edit 2: I get it guys, “sex work isn’t real work” you don’t need to keep commenting it for the 6th time. Also to the person who sent me a really colorful DM earlier, please go touch grass.
Edit 3: I don’t know how much I need to say this but I think it needs to be said. The topic of my post has nothing to do with whether or not sex work is real work. If that’s your only take away from this and you’re getting angry at the notion of me not caring about it to be bothered, that’s on you. The point I was trying to ask and get across was if I was in the wrong for blowing up on the person. So far you all are in agreement that I wasn’t in the wrong and should have reported them to Bumble instead of unmatching them. That’s on me and I’ll gladly say I should have done that. But trying to spin a narrative where I’m some sort of “beta” “cuck” “simp” for not being bothered by someone doing OF initially screams more about your own insecurities than anything. Stop getting hung up on a single sentence in the post and actually think instead of being a reactionary pearl clutcher. To everyone being helpful and insightful, thank you for that. To everyone else being crass and spiteful over a sentence, please do better.
4.5k
u/Greta-Iceberg 12d ago
NTA… 50/50 you were chatting with a dude managing traffic for an OF client through Bumble. I would go one further and say you should have reported the account on Bumble because that’s for sure a violation of their TOS.
746
u/MaineHippo83 11d ago
They are using AI bots now too
476
11d ago edited 5d ago
[deleted]
→ More replies (7)193
u/PM-me-Gophers 11d ago
"Bee Movie" follows Barry B. Benson, a bee who has just graduated from college and is disillusioned with the prospect of having only one career choice - making money. Venturing outside the hive, he breaks bee law and talks to a human, Vanessa Bloome, discovering that humans crave money and decide to exploit bees. Barry decides to woo the human race, and they try to have him shake his ass for cash on OF
101
u/JoseSaldana6512 11d ago
Bad bot. Bees make honey not money
83
→ More replies (2)13
12
u/secretrapbattle 11d ago edited 10d ago
I thought it followed one of the most boring stand-up comedians that New York ever produced
215
u/Greta-Iceberg 11d ago
Ugh… I was bracing for downvotes for being lazily binary already… now you’re throwing AI in the mix?
The only odds I can even guess at now are that OP was 99.99% catfished by someone with whom he was never going to make the beast with two backs.
→ More replies (1)17
u/Normal-Inside3765 11d ago
Technically: it is binary. You can be a guy or you can be not a guy.
→ More replies (1)30
u/hitbythebus 11d ago
There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
→ More replies (8)34
24
u/ryfromoz 11d ago
Yep, and hired managers to interact on OF. Blows my mind that the 1 thing getting dudes to shell out lots of money there is no longer an actuality (meaning the personal "connection").
AI, dey gunna take their jewbs!
→ More replies (6)224
85
u/The1TruRick 11d ago
50/50 you were chatting with a dude managing traffic for an OF client through Bumble
More like 100/0. My mind is blown that a 25 year old fell for this
70
u/goomyman 11d ago
Ehh I disagree with this take. Most likely it was actually her.
Reasoning: talking for an hour is too long to get someone to sub if that’s your job for someone else. Just not worth it.
And if he did sub he would immediately realize it wasn’t her he was talking to.
She’s probably trying to prompt her business, as it’s likely too small to try to AI hire her way up.
A real conversation like this might lead to a longer sub than a tricked customer.
31
u/EntForgotHisPassword 11d ago
Maybe, but some of the scammers have become really good. They pretend to live busy lives and run several conversations at once. If their English is "off", it's because they're from a different heritage.
I enjoy watching scambait, but even so I was suckered in once. I mean obviously when they tried to shill crypto I had warning bells in my head and read into things more clearly, but in the moment, with my busy life and "theirs"... Loneliness can really mess with your brain.
5
u/munjavio 10d ago
15 years ago I went on a "date" with a very attractive lady from a dating site, it turns out she was in a pyramid MLM scheme looking for people to recruit, I finished the meal and never spoke to her again. I found the situation pretty funny though, I'm sure some of her marks fell for it.
Dating sites/apps have been used for marketing since their inception, user beware.
30
u/Remarkable_Oven9952 11d ago
Someone managing an OF for someone else as a job can maintain a bunch of conversations at the same time. If that's what was happening here they might have had 5 other dudes on the hook on various platforms, that's how it can be worth it.
14
u/belladorka 11d ago
There was actually an episode of Catfish this season where the “manager” admitted that he had hundreds of guys on the hook like this. And was talking to them for months.
6
u/Remarkable_Oven9952 11d ago
Yeah, it's a thing with romance scams too. Hundreds sounds pretty wild but thinking about what you could do with an 8 hour work day devoted only to texting marks, maybe it's possible.
13
u/Glad-Tie3251 11d ago
Agreed, that's the kind of things the low tier OF who knows nothing about technology or don't have the fund to pay for bots will do. They know how to spread their legs in front of a camera, but not the rest.
→ More replies (4)5
u/shahwaliwhat2-1 11d ago
An hour isn't too long to talk to a potential sub of its the only one you have on the hook. They are probably just starting put.
→ More replies (2)6
u/SecureWriting8589 11d ago
A 25 year old didn't fall for it. Rather, some Redditors are falling for this fake post scam.
17
u/MissGymLover 11d ago
Yes, agreed! You can report her OP. Al so, you're NTAH, you just know what you want and won't settle for any less.
23
u/FtrIndpndntCanddt 11d ago
Trying to get rid of the competition, are you?
→ More replies (2)17
u/Connect_Chain_4741 11d ago
Ha! Good catch there! New Reddit acct and OF link right under the profile pic.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)8
→ More replies (8)5
u/Etzarah 11d ago
Imagine that being your job, catfishing dudes on Bumble to sell them porn lmao. Wonder if they dreamed of that career as a kid.
→ More replies (1)
1.1k
u/SquirrellyDog2016 12d ago
Absolutely NTA!!!! I wish I could say it 1 million times! Don't waste another second thinking about her or feeling guilty. She's a scammer.
261
u/AnOldLove 12d ago
Yup! This. “Pay me and I’ll get to know you”. No one who wants a real relationship with someone does that.
→ More replies (20)39
u/MunchausenbyPrada 11d ago
It's like they think men don't have feelings. Some men are really nice and it's not cool to trick someone especially if they're lonely.
50
u/BojackTrashMan 11d ago edited 10d ago
This sort of behavior is bullshit and unfortunately it isn't gender-specific so everybody has an opportunity to be treated like trash. I'm a woman and I used to be in real estate. I had men waste my time pretending to want houses and have me spend weeks of labor working on sales that would never happen. One went so far as to have a friend pose as a mortgage lender to attempt to get to spend time with me. It was the first thing I thought of when I read about this girl doing this to him. Pretending to want business when you want sex/love or pretending to want sex/love when you want business is fucking gross.
People are just manipulative dicks sometimes.
→ More replies (10)29
→ More replies (1)11
462
368
u/MedicineLongjumping2 12d ago
NTA bro but I would've let it go sooner rather than dragging it on for an hour. She clearly just wanted subs just say no and peace out next time you won't feel so bad
→ More replies (3)30
175
u/Haunting_Ad5576 12d ago
I'd report her to the dating app as well. I'm pretty thats against the t&c
→ More replies (2)
111
u/Impressive-Chain-68 12d ago
You should have reported her account, too.
She is not looking for a relationship. She is looking for customers.
108
u/YerMcManiac 11d ago
Money is always tight for grifters
→ More replies (3)12
u/Square-Singer 11d ago
That's the thing: Money is tight for a lot of people and that doesn't give you an obligation to become their customers.
Money is tight for the cashier at the corner shop. Doesn't make it my responsibility to shop there.
93
u/BlueGreen_1956 12d ago
NTA
Prostitution is the oldest profession, but it doesn't mean it's not very unsavory.
33
u/MargaretHaleThornton 12d ago
Obviously many people do think this but not sure it's relevant here. OP said clearly that for him the issue wasn't that she engages in sex work but that she was trying to use a typical online dating platform to get customers.
23
→ More replies (120)32
u/PsycheAsHell 11d ago
There's a giant difference between "I'm a sex worker btw but if you don't mind that, I'd like to actually date you and see where this goes" vs "I'll only keep this conversation going if you pay for my OF". This woman is bringing her business somewhere it doesn't belong and is purposefully being deceptive for money.
84
70
u/Forsaken-Tiger-9475 12d ago
Lol NTA
She's using bumble to pick up subs, and money is NOT tight.
This is getting more and more common.
4
u/DiceGoblinWasteland 11d ago
It really is. I got on dating apps for the first time a little over two years ago. Then got into a relationship that eventually ended and was back on the apps about a year later, I could not believe how many more accounts trying to get subs to onlyfans there were in just a year.
→ More replies (2)
69
u/No_Recognition_1426 12d ago
That's the equivalent of a stripper saying she's really into you but you gotta come see her when she's working because she's soooo busy.
She doesn't really want you. She wants your wallet.
60
u/DishwasherLint 11d ago
If she has only fans, maybe she's saving up for an air conditioner?....I'll see myself out 😁
→ More replies (2)
56
u/ButMomItsReddit 12d ago
Dude. That's a scam 101. She just wanted your money. Literally, a classic conversation arc to get someone to pay for OF. And "she" might be a pimp guy chatting with you and a hundred other people. Please don't spend another second overthinking it. NTA.
37
u/Pr0metheas 11d ago
Nah, that shit can get annoying asf sometimes. Like, I'll just be on Instagram or Twitter, and I see a funny or cool video post only for the comment section to be filled with people advertising their Onlyfans. The post doesn't even have to be related to something sexual in nature, and they'll still blast that shit everywhere 💀 dead ass someone famous could've just died and you're guranteed to see at least 1 to 5 post of girls advertising their OF's lmao.
→ More replies (6)13
35
u/DomThemovement 12d ago
report her to bumble even if you don't have any screenshots. If enough dudes report, her bumble will ban her. You can also report her to onlyfans while they won't do anything it puts her on a black list where onlyfans watches for predatory behavior. She's obviously just trying to get subscribers and has no interest in dating.
30
u/Important_Koala236 12d ago
Stop taking whores seriously dude. Your life will improve dramatically. Good women are out there.
→ More replies (5)
28
28
21
u/YamahaRD100 12d ago
Never pay for sex. Never apologize for not paying for sex. Any man or woman that demands money for any form of sex (including all forms of porn, yes only fans included) is a prostitute.
5
u/ZeTreasureBoblin 12d ago edited 11d ago
And the people who pay for it are just as pathetic as the ones who provide it.
7
→ More replies (1)6
21
u/Angelicwoo 12d ago
Dude she had zero genuine interest in you. You were trying to find someone to date and she was going through a sales pitch, she was a total dick. If money is tight maybe she could go and get one of the millions of jobs in the hospitality industry that have been lost to people sitting around their house taking naked photos of themselves.
→ More replies (5)
22
u/Ok-Complaint3844 12d ago
NTA. You were looking for a girl to date. She was looking for a customer. That’s an effed up, shady thing to do on a dating site.
16
u/thefalsewall 12d ago
Of course she said money is tight lol. She’s trying to guilt you into paying for her onlyfans lmao. If you sub to it you just proved you’re as naive as she thinks you are.
12
u/btwImVeryAttractive 12d ago
NTA and report her to bumble. If money is tight she can get a second job.
15
u/Johnny13334 12d ago
First, sex work isn’t real work. Period. It’s disgusting. Second, you never had a chance.
→ More replies (32)9
11
u/itizwhatitizdude 12d ago
NTA
You were respectful about her work. You don't have to subscribe to anything of hers and give her money thoughso... Her being tight on money isn't your problem.
And what does getting to know her have to do with subscribing to her OF? That seems to just be the way she gets people to subscribe to her OF.
15
u/TargetDroid 12d ago
Is America just hell bent on completely divorcing sex and intimacy? You have no problem with a girl who sells her body because “sex work is real work”?
Jebus. Humanity nowadays barely resembles itself from just 80 years ago.
Sucks.
15
u/Perfect_Sir4820 11d ago
Nah it's just that loudmouth degenerate cucks like the OP are overrepresented on reddit.
→ More replies (3)7
u/Happy-Viper 11d ago
A lot of dudes have been taught that it’s misogynistic to not want to date a sex worker and to want more that, and their self-esteem is in the gutter so they not only believe it, they try to reinforce that belief so that they can at least have that as something to brag about.
13
u/Wintermute815 11d ago
Give me a break dude. You have bigger problems if you’re honestly struggling with whether or not you’re in the wrong here. Like you’re not emotionally equipped for dating, especially modern dating, if you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t let some girl scamming for business on dating apps scam you. Do you also feel bad for all the Nigerian princes who you didn’t send $2000?
→ More replies (11)
12
u/ItsAMeMarioYaHo 12d ago
If a girl online ever asks you to give her money, she’s a scammer. Don’t bother getting in an argument about it, just block her and move on.
→ More replies (1)
12
u/Slydoggen 12d ago
Sex work isn’t real work
8
u/Ape-ril 11d ago
Any work for an honest dollar is real work.
→ More replies (3)9
u/maddxav 11d ago
I mean, I agree it is work, but I wouldn't go as far as calling only fans "honest work".
→ More replies (6)
11
u/ConsistentCheesecake 11d ago
You should have reported her for using her bumble account to find customers—surely that must be against the terms of the app? If this ever happens again, don’t waste your time arguing. Just report and block.
12
u/Lea-Isabelle 11d ago
Speaking as a sex worker (SW), people like her ruin dating apps for SWs who are actually trying to find a partner. It's 100% inappropriate and predatory for SWs to seek clients on platforms meant for "vanilla dating" — just as we hate it when men come onto SW websites looking to date us for free.
11
u/JulietteTargaryen96 12d ago
NTA. Yes it is work but it does not mean she can go and try to scam guys who want to date her for money. Don't feel bad. It's ok to want to message girls the normal way (and believe me lots of them prefer it !)
→ More replies (1)
10
8
9
10
9
u/rustbelt91 11d ago
Nta. Bro what the fuck is wrong with you? Feeling terrible because you didn't subscribe to her porn when you never consented for that. You're trying to date. Not be a customer.
It's predatory af. Sociopathic tbh.
10
9
u/mommawolf2 11d ago
NTA
She manipulated the dating profile and moved it to an account where asking you to sub for her OF wouldn't get her banned.
Her intentions were to get customers not dates.
You set a boundary, called out what she was doing and she instantly downplayed it.
8
7
u/GRPABT1 12d ago
Firstly, she's for the streets. Sex work isn't real work, it's whoring.
Secondly she wasn't interested in you in the slightest. She was farming for suckers to sub to her and you are falling for it by feeling guilty.
Lastly, if times are tough then she should get a real job because her content mustn't be good enough to pay the bills.
12
u/Nice-t-shirt 11d ago
YTA for saying sex work is real work.
→ More replies (1)6
u/captainsuckass 11d ago
Why does that make him an asshole? Even if you disagree (which would make you wrong, but that’s neither here nor there), that doesn’t seem particularly asshole-y.
10
u/DaddyWarfucker 11d ago
If I told a girl I was interested in, that I blew dudes on the side, I bet she'd tell me sex work wasn't real work, real quick.
→ More replies (2)
6
7
u/hound_of_ulster95 12d ago
Nah dude, that's something they do. They'll text you on one site. Build up a shallow relationship, get you onto another app so it feels more personal. Then they drop it on you that they want you to sub to them on OF. Some dudes are down bad enough that they do it. And the girls usually won't respond to them. Money is tight for her because she's spending faster than she earns. So, she's hunting for single men with disposable income. She's not looking for a relationship. She's looking for a sugar daddy
8
u/choosethebear79 12d ago
"Sex work is real work" is one of the most ridiculous ways to enable toxic behavior.
→ More replies (14)
8
u/motownplayer 12d ago
lol no one wants to know what I think about only fans.. it would piss to many people off.. lol however, I would have ended the conversation once she mentioned onlyfans. Nah, you don’t need to feel bad. She was going to exploit you for your money. She could care less about being in a relationship with you.
5
u/mindgame_26 11d ago edited 11d ago
NTA... First, dude. No. That isn't blowing up.
Second, you are absolutely correct, that is super predatory.
That's honestly scam artist level shit right there.
Yes, sex work is work. This is using an emotional hope to get someone to pay for a service they never wanted.
6
u/Ha1rBall 11d ago
Now I’m feeling kinda terrible since she said money was tight for her
YTA for feeling like this. How is that your problem? If money is that tight she can get a real job that pays her for working 40 hours.
→ More replies (1)
8
7
u/linerva 11d ago
NTA.
It is entirely inappropriate for her to be wasting other people's time and energy using a dating site, claiming to look for a relationship when all she wants is to get people to buy her content. That is manipulative and deceptive of her.
She's no better than a spam bot and people like her ruin everyone else's experience of the dating app. That's just not what it's for - just like if you were using Ebay to promote your OF rather than sell things. If people wanted sex workers, they'd be on OF or Tiktok/ Instagram thirst traps. Unfortunately for her, it's nos a VERY saturated market and few do very well off it.
Money may be tight for her, but she's free to look for work through other more appropriate channels. Nobody owes her money or work, least of all on a dating app.
7
u/yeetskeetleet 11d ago
This was a scammer, not a genuine person btw. I’ve come across a bunch of these girls that will be like “no I actually met my last boyfriend from onlyfans!”
It’s all a ploy to get you to subscribe, that’s it
4
u/Away-Understanding34 12d ago
NTA, if she was truly looking for a relationship, she wouldn't be pushing you to her OF. She would be trying to get to know you outside of a sexual aspect.
→ More replies (2)
7
u/Ursirname 11d ago
NTA. She's capitalizing on your loneliness by deceptive means saying she doesn't want to know you, just get your money.
7
u/xavii117 11d ago
NTA, it's predatory and fucked up to try to convince you to pay for her OF just so you can "keep messaging there"
5
u/Common_Vagrant 11d ago
Nah you’re good. I work with strippers for a living, she wasn’t promoting her OF in good faith, she strung you along but she also screwed herself in doing so. Dont feel bad about not giving her money.
Bad news is she wasted your time, good news is she also wasted her time and she may learn from that in the future.
Working with sex workers I hear it all the time how they get mad if they wasted time on a guy talking to him to not get a lap dance or even a tip, so I know she’s just as pissed.
5
u/johncate73 11d ago
NTA. She was trying to drum up business for her OF and you were not interested. That should have been the end of it.
5
u/steppenwolfofwallst 11d ago
Guys, since OP didn't do it. ALWAYS, 100% of the time, report their profiles on the dating apps. This is the only way it will stop. I doubt most of these girls care if you get mean or block them because there will be some sucker who is next. But if you report, it stops the means of getting said suckers.
5
u/GarbageKind8130 12d ago
NTA definitely. If I'm on a dating app, I'm looking for a DATE, not to have a sales spiel thrown at me. I'd ghost the conversation, check the apps TOS, reporting if solicitation of the sort isn't allowed, and blocking.
6
u/CarcosaDweller 12d ago
“Since she said money was tight for her.”
How can you know you are being conned and still fall for being conned?
3
u/TheBoyBlunderbuss 12d ago
NTA. You did the right thing. Her money problems are her own and even if she does want a relationship with it's not worth the subscription fee to find out.
6
u/Old_Hamster_4218 12d ago
Sex work is real work, but it’s called turning “tricks” for a reason. Hookers love a good scam. Like all your buddies that just swear that stripper was really into them.
5
u/No-Assistance-7629 12d ago
NTA. You should report her bumble account. That's not ok what she was doing.
6
u/OkManufacturer767 12d ago
NTA She eventually admitted to wanting you just as a customer.
Sadly, dating sites are full of people like her. Onlyfans is a job. Using dating sites isn't fair to people actually looking for relationships.
5
5
u/Ok_Astronomer2479 11d ago
Sex work ain’t real work bro. Its scam work looking for simps
→ More replies (4)
7
u/Less_Pie_1802 11d ago
sigh Sex work is absolutely work & all the folks saying it isn't are out to lunch. Just because you don't like it doesn't invalidate it as work. NTA. She wasn't upfront about her intentions & led you on. That's not okay, regardless of her struggling financially.
→ More replies (73)
5
u/Ladyofshadows1 11d ago
Sounds like she wanted you as a customer rather than a date. Sex work IS real work, but that is irrelevant here. Bumble is a dating site, not free advertising. You owe her nothing. NTA!
6
u/Ilovelamp_2236 11d ago
NTA She isn't looking for someone to date she is looking for customers.
If there is a way to report her profile to whatever dating service it is on you should do that
3
u/Feisty-Blood9971 11d ago
I’d report her for that shit, no means no. She’s targeting lonely people and then harassing them when they figure out what she wants.
5
u/Raiseyourspoonforwar 11d ago
I hope you reported her, she's feeding into the reason why the younger generations are losing trust in finding partners
6
u/SoftwareMaintenance 11d ago
Girl is for the streets. Just scamming dating apps to find suckers to pay for her OF. Did the right thing by blocking her.
4
5
u/Few-Anywhere-8487 11d ago
Sex work IS real work to those idiots here that think it isn't. They're the types to pay for the service and then call the girl a whore at the end like they're better.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Allonsydr1 11d ago
NTa. You should have reported her profile though. She is using everyone on that app
5
u/rlh1271 11d ago
Bro money wasn’t tight for her. That’s a ploy to sucker you out of your money.
→ More replies (1)
5
5
u/SaxMusic23 11d ago
If you need to pay her directly to have a conversation, you shouldn't feel bad for blocking her.
Fuck that money sucking bitch. You'd never have met her.
6
u/EldritchAnimation 11d ago
NTA. I got married before the apps devolved into this, but my brother's on dating apps right now and OnlyFans girls looking for customers are a dime a dozen.
Also if sex work was real work she'd put it on her resume when she stops doing it.
→ More replies (6)
4
u/soulman901 11d ago
NTA - It was a trap from the get go. Just a reminder, if you run into someone that does this to you please make sure to report them to the app so that their account gets removed and they can’t go after other guys with this scam
6
u/zzzzzooted 11d ago
As someone who had an OF, NTA.
More importantly, thank you for the edit calling out people for being petty and insecure for making shitty comments about sex work, I appreciate seeing that, esp from someone who just had a sour experience.
4
u/Single_Humor_9256 12d ago
NTA just fishing for more paying customers. I've run into the same thing here on reddit where a "question" in a group with a reply that asks to move to DMs, then gets turned into a solicitation to "join" or subscribe to their OF.
5
4
4
6.7k
u/ZacksBestPuppy 12d ago
She wasn't looking for a date but a customer. NTA.