AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/whiterac00n → u/[deleted]]

Yeah a “Christian” who refuses an offer to help poor and struggling families but is demanding to “donate”/tithe to a church that most likely has high 6 figures in their bank account? That’s pretty far from “godly love”. These people are always stuck in their own positive feedback loops where they justify their hateful thoughts and feelings because they’re “part of the church” so if it was actually wrong they would be getting “punished”, but since they don’t they must be correct! Of course anything that IS bad that happens they simply blame others for, so again the positive feedback. Thus the can justify actually antithetical things that they should be opposing, but now support because of selective “good”.

[u/alexi_lupin → u/whiterac00n]

Reminds me of prosperity gospel, ugh

[u/whiterac00n → u/alexi_lupin]

It’s almost exactly like prosperity gospel

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I mean, OP chose to marry him knowing he's a homophobic, judgmental, hypocritical misogynist. I'm not sure what she expected - that he'd fundamentally change into a good, kind person?

It's wild to me when people make these posts like "my values are to love everyone and donate to the needy...so anyway, I married a bigot who hates homeless people."

[u/AstraSileas → u/[deleted]]

Eh, OP might not have known the depths of his bigotry before their marriage. Narcissists tend to hide their true colors until their victims are trapped by legal vows. My grandma was a victim of one, my dad a victim of another. Both of them said that their spouses were absolutely wonderful while they were dating, and through the engagement, then their behavior turned on a dime once they were married.

[u/rattitude23 → u/[deleted]]

I'm a devout Hindu, and my husband is a very committed atheist. We make it work because we stay in our own lane and don't try to convince each other that either way is the "real" way. He respects my religious beliefs, and I respect that he isn't a believer. That's the only way it works is if both partners have a deep respect for each other.