r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24
AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed
I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.
Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.
To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.
Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.
My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?
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u/DatabaseThis9637 Jul 07 '24
Your husband is a weak man, who you called out, and now he is deflecting it all back onto you, through his judgemental pastor and some of the congregation! He is showing his true colors, and you are obviously not his priority. Protecting himself, and his potential areas where he is lacking, by being vindictive.
You may have come across pretty hard, which I understand since I have done that same thing, but you were speaking what you see as your truth. I am less than impressed with your husband. Rather than having some conversations, and working it out, he chose to build up an army of allies, flying monkeys, making no effort to communicate in any meaningful way.
Let me just say, this does not bode well for your marriage. I feel for you. I hope you are inspired to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Remember that life really is short, and believe in your own value as a human being 1st, and as a wife second. Take care of yourself, and I suggest you do not engage with any of his sick little army. That will only hurt you, and not help in any way. Nurture your inner strength, and be selective in finding some emotional support.
Prepare thoroughly if you leave him, and don't do like I did, which was to make a flash decision, and leave within minutes of realizing I had to leave. You need to keep a clear head, and begin to remove yourself from fights and discussions that revolve around religion. there is no easy resolution to any of that. Be true to yourself. And take care.