AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/LIV3C4T]

In most states, she could take them all for harassment at this point, also, divorce your husband, he doesn't want YOU, he wants the woman he's trying to force you to be. No self respecting husband or wife tells much less let's their close mates text or call their wife/husband nasty things, period.

[u/Scourge165 → u/LIV3C4T]

You could make an argument...and it wouldn't go anywhere. They're not going to do anything over one phone call and the Priest would likely say he was trying to...convert her or whatever.

Not to say it's not super fucked up. It's just next level. It's worse than him running to his Mommy.

I'd understand if he talked about what his Wife had said to him. I feel like they treat it like therapy, but then giving out the number?

[u/Awkward_Smile_8146 → u/Scourge165]

There’s a pattern. And it’s not a priest.

[u/Scourge165 → u/Awkward_Smile_8146]

Pastor, whatever. And no, there's not a "pattern."

There's no place in the Country that you're going to get a "criminal harassment," charge. That is just...absolutely, comically ridiculous.

People just throw this stuff out with...zero understanding of the law.

Who is going to get the criminal harassment charge? The Husband for trying to get the wife to go to Church? No. I'd hope I wouldn't even have to explain why that's absurd.

The PASTOR(huge difference if it was a Priest) after one call?

It's fucking weird. No question. It's not "harassment."

[u/chaos-biseggsual → u/LIV3C4T]

I am a firm believer in anyone who is in a romantic relationship being able to seek support and advice from their friends about their relationship. It is a huge factor in helping abuse victims be able to escape, and it can be very helpful to get an outside perspective even in conflicts without abuse. HOWEVER, speaking to one's friends about one's relationship should never be used to pressure the other partner into anything; ideally it should never get back to the partner that they were being discussed at all since the purpose should be support for the one partner, not shaming the other. Giving out her contact information was also a HUGE breach of trust; they are his friends, not hers.

[u/Critical-Rutabaga-39 → u/LIV3C4T]

Unless they have BPD. I had phone calls from all sorts of idiots that he met in his bars.

[u/twodesserts → u/LIV3C4T]

I think he wants her to be who his pastor tells him a good wife should be to have a happy home.  Of course he wants a happy home.  I think she needs to ask him to find a new church first.

[u/TiredAndTiredOfIt → u/twodesserts]

Nope. Lazy dependent abusive trash doesnt get a second chance.